As I booted up my 1999 computer, I chortled as I finished some leftover casserole. I opened up a new bag of Cheetos and started eating voraciously. I didn't eat the Cheetos just because I liked them, but I liked how they stained my hands orange. It's hard to afford lube when you're on welfare (especially when you end up using a lot of your welfare money on expensive, specially crafted K-pop idol fleshlights), so I like to use the Cheetos grit as lube.
I have longed to have the T-ara members as my wives, but then I raged when I read this article about Eunjung wanting a Chinese husband.
"WHAT THE FUCK?! She's excluding me! That's fucking racist!" I yelled after reading the article. I had spent some time on tumblr lately to learn how to combat the SJWs in a different manner -- by pretending to be one of them. I knew if I labeled everything racist, that would make me fit right in. However, I didn't want to label my queen as a racist when she really isn't.
I needed to find a way to be able to make Eunjung to change her mind. I thought I could change her mind with my superior white penis...if only I could find it under my vast number of fat rolls. My penis is basically like Kamina and Simon in the underground world, and my penis would need the Gurren Lagann to pierce through my fat rolls to see fresh air. I knew being a white man wouldn't help me woo Eunjung.
"But that's it!" I thought as I kept searching tumblr. Biology no longer matters. It's what you feel that you are is what you really are. I can believe I am a Chinese man, therefore, I will become a Chinese man! SJW science for the fucking win!" I chortled as I kept searching tumblr in order to further my claim as a Chinese man.
"There, there," I muttered as I pulled out my Eunjung butthole fleshlight. "Tonight I'll fuck the living shit out of your asshole," I laughed. "Because I believe I'm fucking your asshole, it means I really am. Anyone who says otherwise is a bigoted homophobe," I said as I crushed up some Cheetos and inserted them into the fleshlight. I opened up some Eunjung fancams on YouTube and started thrusting away.
"Thank you, SJWs!"