I ain't gotta write shit.
I ain't gotta write shit.
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Nari instructs you so good
I ain't gotta write shit.
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The Crayon Pop fanboy cull
Picture this.
You're a young guy in high school and you've been a closet k-pop fanboy for a while now. Sure, you talk about it in forums while trolling under the safety of your anonymous handle "Taeyeonfap" but in your actual real life where you're significantly more chickenshit, nobody knows yet, and you're not sure when or even if you're going to tell them. It's been easy to hide from your parents - they tend to stay out of your bedroom since you've hit puberty, they only ever enter to change the clothing and the sheets, so they know from the stains exactly how much fapping is going on and are understandably not wanting to walk in on a "session". Sure, they see the SNSD poster you put up but mixed in with all the Sports Illustrated bikini girls they don't really stick out, and you're listening to music mainly with headphones these days so you don't have to hear "TURN IT DOOOOOWN" from your annoying brother who doesn't even care what you listen to because he's into some bullshit music where they have no talent and scream all the time and you can't even hear the words - who actually listens to that shit, you wonder. So it's not like anyone's in danger of busting you.
All is going well in your life, with your k-pop fetish remaining nicely undercover, until one day in the middle of science class, one of these slips out of your bag.
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The guy sitting next to you picks it up and starts laughing - fascinated by "this faggot shit" he starts unboxing it in front of the whole class, to your horror. He lays out all the photocards on the desk one by one while singing "heeeeeey, sexy layydeeee, op, op op..." as everyone gathers around and gawks at them, which is really embarrassing. When he takes out the Taeyeon photocard you get particularly hurt and you try to grab it off him so he starts making lewd comments about her just to fuck with you. To make matters worse, a group of girls behind you start giggling, including this one girl you've had a crush on for a while, so you guess you can kiss her off the "she thinks I'm a real man, maybe some day she will touch my genitals" list. Eventually the teacher intervenes and breaks things up, and you've never been so happy to have a possession of yours confiscated until hometime. It looks like the class asshole has won this round.
Upset and ashamed, you go home that night. Over dinner your parents know that something's wrong but thankfully they don't press you about it - the embarrassment of being "outed" at school was enough humiliation for one day. After dinner you sit with your parents and watch some music competition talent show, and a thought occurs to you: "If only they realised that my k-pop idols are talented", you think to yourself "maybe then they will take my love of this music seriously". Armed with an iPad loaded with your best arsenal of "look, Taeyeon is a really talented singer" YouTube bookmarks, you return to school the next day and show it around the class.
It goes about as well as you realistically hoped it would - the girls are impressed while you talk enthusiastically about the harsh training regimes of k-pop and can see your point about Taeyeon, plus that one girl you like is kind of talking to you again - maybe a handjob behind the bike shed from her is a realistic dream after all. The guy who gave you all that shit yesterday grudgingly says "you're still a faggot for liking that gay shit" but other than this, he keeps to himself and doesn't press the issue, seeing that you have the upper hand with the ladies and not wanting to get them off-side, after all he wants that handjob as much as you do. You go home feeling vindicated.
After a while, things calm down, and people seem to forget about it. Then, a few weeks later, the school bully confronts you, smartphone in hand.
"Hey, do you like this song?"
"No!" you exclaim instantly, "they're not talented at all!"
"Shut the fuck up fag. You're into this k-pop bullshit, and this is a fucking hit song, it's number one in Korea. You love this shit, you fucking cunt."
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You try to protest, but it's too late. Word has already spread around the school and your pontification on "idol talent" now looks like a joke that everyone is only too keen to rub in your face. Lunchtimes become an ordeal with people singing "BaBa-Bar Bar, BaBaBa-Bar" at you everywhere you go in the yard, and occasionally a group of bullies will corner you somewhere and refuse to let you pass until you do the "jumping, jumping" dance. Their favourite time to do this is just before you leave for home on your bicycle - "the helmet gives your dance a more authentic feel", they remind you. That girl you like never talks to you again and your school social life rapidly disintegrates as nobody wants to be seen hanging out with you for fear of also becoming a victim.
Desperate and with pent-up anger that has no outlet in the real world, you turn to the Internet and unleash as much Crayon Pop hate as you can handle, but it's no use. It's obvious to you that the girls are gang members and thugs, but in a unique and astoundingly clever pre-emptive marketing strategy, the girls have left their true colours wide out in the open for everybody to see.
You watch them rob some innocent hard-working pimp collecting his overdue payments from a lazy whore here, and this isn't some saesang candid camera, this is on their official video, which means they're proud of this shit:
You also note that their dance tutorial shows them openly bullying class members and practicing fighting moves, just like the ones that guy used to punch you in the stomach the other day, it's practically an instruction manual on how to slap people down:
What can you do to tarnish the online reputation of a group who are already this openly gangster? Nothing. Even other groups and the media are frightened of them. Yet they got to #1, and they can barely even sing unlike your beautiful perfect angel Taeyeon, where is the justice in this world...
A month later when you are found hanging in your bedroom with a note saying "Taeyeon I'm sorry" which baffles the shit out of your parents ("Who? Is that someone at school?"), the media chalks up your swinging corpse as another statistic in the global phenomenon known as "The Crayon Pop fanboy cull". At school, you are not missed and the world of k-pop fandoms becomes 0.0001% more sane as a global average due to your sudden departure.
Crayon Pop are helping the mental health of k-pop fandom culture by disposing of their psychologically weakest specimens. Be sure to cheer them on.
You're a young guy in high school and you've been a closet k-pop fanboy for a while now. Sure, you talk about it in forums while trolling under the safety of your anonymous handle "Taeyeonfap" but in your actual real life where you're significantly more chickenshit, nobody knows yet, and you're not sure when or even if you're going to tell them. It's been easy to hide from your parents - they tend to stay out of your bedroom since you've hit puberty, they only ever enter to change the clothing and the sheets, so they know from the stains exactly how much fapping is going on and are understandably not wanting to walk in on a "session". Sure, they see the SNSD poster you put up but mixed in with all the Sports Illustrated bikini girls they don't really stick out, and you're listening to music mainly with headphones these days so you don't have to hear "TURN IT DOOOOOWN" from your annoying brother who doesn't even care what you listen to because he's into some bullshit music where they have no talent and scream all the time and you can't even hear the words - who actually listens to that shit, you wonder. So it's not like anyone's in danger of busting you.
All is going well in your life, with your k-pop fetish remaining nicely undercover, until one day in the middle of science class, one of these slips out of your bag.
The guy sitting next to you picks it up and starts laughing - fascinated by "this faggot shit" he starts unboxing it in front of the whole class, to your horror. He lays out all the photocards on the desk one by one while singing "heeeeeey, sexy layydeeee, op, op op..." as everyone gathers around and gawks at them, which is really embarrassing. When he takes out the Taeyeon photocard you get particularly hurt and you try to grab it off him so he starts making lewd comments about her just to fuck with you. To make matters worse, a group of girls behind you start giggling, including this one girl you've had a crush on for a while, so you guess you can kiss her off the "she thinks I'm a real man, maybe some day she will touch my genitals" list. Eventually the teacher intervenes and breaks things up, and you've never been so happy to have a possession of yours confiscated until hometime. It looks like the class asshole has won this round.
Upset and ashamed, you go home that night. Over dinner your parents know that something's wrong but thankfully they don't press you about it - the embarrassment of being "outed" at school was enough humiliation for one day. After dinner you sit with your parents and watch some music competition talent show, and a thought occurs to you: "If only they realised that my k-pop idols are talented", you think to yourself "maybe then they will take my love of this music seriously". Armed with an iPad loaded with your best arsenal of "look, Taeyeon is a really talented singer" YouTube bookmarks, you return to school the next day and show it around the class.
It goes about as well as you realistically hoped it would - the girls are impressed while you talk enthusiastically about the harsh training regimes of k-pop and can see your point about Taeyeon, plus that one girl you like is kind of talking to you again - maybe a handjob behind the bike shed from her is a realistic dream after all. The guy who gave you all that shit yesterday grudgingly says "you're still a faggot for liking that gay shit" but other than this, he keeps to himself and doesn't press the issue, seeing that you have the upper hand with the ladies and not wanting to get them off-side, after all he wants that handjob as much as you do. You go home feeling vindicated.
After a while, things calm down, and people seem to forget about it. Then, a few weeks later, the school bully confronts you, smartphone in hand.
"Hey, do you like this song?"
"No!" you exclaim instantly, "they're not talented at all!"
"Shut the fuck up fag. You're into this k-pop bullshit, and this is a fucking hit song, it's number one in Korea. You love this shit, you fucking cunt."
You try to protest, but it's too late. Word has already spread around the school and your pontification on "idol talent" now looks like a joke that everyone is only too keen to rub in your face. Lunchtimes become an ordeal with people singing "BaBa-Bar Bar, BaBaBa-Bar" at you everywhere you go in the yard, and occasionally a group of bullies will corner you somewhere and refuse to let you pass until you do the "jumping, jumping" dance. Their favourite time to do this is just before you leave for home on your bicycle - "the helmet gives your dance a more authentic feel", they remind you. That girl you like never talks to you again and your school social life rapidly disintegrates as nobody wants to be seen hanging out with you for fear of also becoming a victim.
Desperate and with pent-up anger that has no outlet in the real world, you turn to the Internet and unleash as much Crayon Pop hate as you can handle, but it's no use. It's obvious to you that the girls are gang members and thugs, but in a unique and astoundingly clever pre-emptive marketing strategy, the girls have left their true colours wide out in the open for everybody to see.
You watch them rob some innocent hard-working pimp collecting his overdue payments from a lazy whore here, and this isn't some saesang candid camera, this is on their official video, which means they're proud of this shit:
You also note that their dance tutorial shows them openly bullying class members and practicing fighting moves, just like the ones that guy used to punch you in the stomach the other day, it's practically an instruction manual on how to slap people down:
What can you do to tarnish the online reputation of a group who are already this openly gangster? Nothing. Even other groups and the media are frightened of them. Yet they got to #1, and they can barely even sing unlike your beautiful perfect angel Taeyeon, where is the justice in this world...
A month later when you are found hanging in your bedroom with a note saying "Taeyeon I'm sorry" which baffles the shit out of your parents ("Who? Is that someone at school?"), the media chalks up your swinging corpse as another statistic in the global phenomenon known as "The Crayon Pop fanboy cull". At school, you are not missed and the world of k-pop fandoms becomes 0.0001% more sane as a global average due to your sudden departure.
Crayon Pop are helping the mental health of k-pop fandom culture by disposing of their psychologically weakest specimens. Be sure to cheer them on.
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Taeyang Performs With m-flo At A-Nation
So, Taeyang got to perform with m-flo at A Nation, performing one of the best Jpop songs of all time.
Welp, you know it doesn't end well, don't you.
Jesus Christ.
Now you know why I hate YG fans so much. m-flo has been kind enough to collaborate with 2NE1 and Big Bang in Japan so that at least more then ten people would pay attention to these groups, but no, retarded Blackjacks and VIPs think that m-flo is a nugu group.
I can't deal with fucking retards.
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m-flo Neven Album Review
You remember that poll I had a couple of months ago asking the readers which album I should review? The majority wanted me to review EXO or EXO and m-flo....but I just couldn't bring myself to downloading EXO's album and actually listening to it. What crime did my computer commit to have that filth downloaded onto it? Exactly, which is why I can't review EXO's album. I had a hard enough time getting through "Oolf", so I don't see how I'd actually listen to the whole album without hanging myself by my fucking nuts. On the other hand, there were enough people interested in the m-flo review, so here we go.
m-flo returns in just one year after releasing the controversial album "Square One". Square One split the fandom in half, with all of the bandwagoners from the Loves era crying foul as to how m-flo refused to rehash their sound from the 2000s and with plenty of other fans enjoying the next evolution to m-flo's style. It was the first album since "Astromantic" that m-flo really deviated from their usual sound, fusing many different dance subgenres and hiphop.
With "Neven", m-flo dials it back, making this album feel like a bridge from "Cosmicolor" (their fifth album in 2007 before their hiatus) and 2012's Square One. If one could say Square One was experimental like Astromantic was for m-flo, then Neven would be the album where m-flo fine-tuned their sound for this decade.
After a prologue, Neven gets started off with "Yeah!" and "Tonite". Yeah! is a good way to start off the album, as it is a dance track that really sets the tone, but it is followed up by "Tonite", which is a Square One leftover. Minmi sounds pretty fucking terrible on this track, bringing it down a few notches. Verbal's raps flow much better in Tonite than in Yeah!, but Taku's production in Tonite is lacking compared Yeah!. Both songs clock in at six minutes each, making the beginning of the album feel like a chore to listen to, mainly because of Tonite.
The album stumbles out of the gate, but with a short intermission, the album kicks it into high gear, delivering great song after great song, as if m-flo were apologizing about how the album started. "No Way", "Das Dance" and "Butterfly" are remarkable improvements over Yeah! and Tonite. No Way brings more energy into the album, waking up anyone who may have nearly fallen asleep after Tonite. No Way features Kiko Mizuhara, a Japanese idol. Given with how much Taku hates Japanese idols, I was really surprised that she featured on the song. What I wasn't surprised about was her total inability to sing. Luckily technology makes her voice listenable, and the production of the songs works around her inability to sing. This is really a song where Taku shines the most. After No Way, Das Dance continues the gravy train. I love the beat to the song, and while Verbal's lyrics are bad in this song, at least they're hilarious. Butterfly is another solid track featuring Minami from CREAM, who was all over Square One and in quite a few tracks in Neven.
Another short intermission and we've hit the middle of the album, which is arguably the least memorable part of the album for me. I've listened to this album many times and yet I have a hard time remembering the songs playing here. It's not implying that this part of the album is bad, it's the contrary. It's just that the three songs before and three songs after are much more memorable. "Chance" starts off this section, and it's one of the better tracks on the album. This is one of the only two songs on the album that are just Verbal and Taku, and in the future, I would like it if they did more songs with just the two of them. Sure, Taku can't sing and needs to heavily alter his voice, but it's not like there are an ample amount of vocalists that can sing in Japan without me wanting to kill myself. At the very least, Taku doesn't sing in that annoying high pitch that is synonymous with Japanese pop. "One In A Million" is another track featuring Minami, and it's another solid song with her in it. At this point, it just feels like deja vu whenever Minami is on the track. She sings the same way in every track, and with the number of tracks she is on in both Square One and Neven, a different vocalist would have been welcome. Next up is the ballad track "Lover", which just feels out of place on this album. Sure, it's one of the best songs on the album, but it would fit much better on m-flo's 2005 album "Beat Space Nine" than in Neven.
In the home stretch, Neven really goes out with a bang. This part of the album is my favorite part of the album, even with the lackluster "Transformerz" that closes out the album. Tranformerz is one of those songs that sounded pretty bad upon first listen (and that's rare for m-flo), but after going through this album several times, it sounds average at best, but it is really overshadowed by "FNKY ALGORTHM" and "Journey X". FNKY ALGORTHM is the lone song utilizing dubstep on this album, a welcome for the people who didn't enjoy the copious amounts of dubstep in Square One. However, the dubstep is used minimally and effectively, making this a really catchy track without getting weighed down by electronic fart noises. Lastly, there's Journey X, my favorite song on the album. This song really captures m-flo's true style, and it sounds like a direct evolution off of what came from "Expo Expo" before Lisa departed the group. The song sounds subdued due to the lack of loud electronic dance music, but I think Journey X's minimalism compared to other songs on the album really helps it shine.
All in all, I'm in the camp that believes Neven is a huge upgrade over Square One, and I even stated how much I enjoyed Square One in last year's review of the album. Square One was more ambitious and had better production from Taku, but Neven aligns itself with m-flo's natural sound. It is easy to compare this album to either Cosmicolor or Expo Expo and Neven really does feel like an evolution rather than a drastic change like Square One and to some extent Astromantic were. During the five years off from m-flo, Taku has really evolved and varied his style. During the group's first five albums, while Taku made a lot of great beats, a lot of the songs felt conservative and sometimes formulaic. It would be great if he kept up this change heading into m-flo's next album. While I think Taku has evolved over the past five-six years, Verbal has neither evolved nor devolved, but has changed his style a lot. He needs to stop hanging out with mainstream American rappers because the same laziness that has infected mainstream hiphop in America is infecting Verbal's lyrics. His flow is still there, and has adapted to m-flo's newer beats, but songs like Das Dance show that Verbal isn't the lyrical beast he used to be. Sure, I laugh every time I listen to Das Dance and maybe that was the intended outcome he was seeking, but Verbal can do better. My first suggestion would be to rap less in English and more in Japanese. The songs that were mainly in Japanese had better lyrics and better flow than the English songs. My last recommendation for m-flo's next album would be for there to be less Minami. Her songwriting ability isn't up to par to Emi Hinouchi, who co-wrote many songs with Verbal on Cosmicolor, and like I mentioned earlier, Minami's voice sounds the same in every song.
However, this album remains jjangbak and one of the few mainstream Japanese albums I have been able to listen to this year. God, I fucking hate Jpop, so it's always welcome when m-flo releases something to break up the monotony of the same 20-year-old song being released every week by idols.
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Why We Should Be Envious Of Won Bin
That's enough reason to be envious of Won Bin, no? Well, it gets worse.
Lee Na Young became the model for Lancome, and well, she's ridiculously hot.
He gets to bang her on the regular. Man, seeing as how Rain took Kim Tae Hee, Won Bin took Lee Na Young, Lee Byung Hun took Lee Min Jung and some soccer player took Han Hye Jin, it really does look like I have to somehow assassinate Jaejoong and take his place (since people believe that he and I are the same) before someone like Shindong or Kwanghee takes Han Ye Seul or Han Ji Min.
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T-ae wants some cock........... tail.
Trufax: my first exposure to the word "netizens" was through the title of this video:
I thought "this video is pretty tame, really - what's a 'netizen' anyway, is that some kind of slang for an ultra-sexually conservative Internet censorship body who should be pushed under a bus and forgotten about?". Little did I know how close to the truth that initial thought was.
Far more importantly though (because netizens are never important), this video was also my first exposure to Rania.
I didn't think much of "Dr. Feelgood" (great sounds but too repetitive) or their other song "Pop Pop Pop" but I did like Joy, who looks even better backstage than in the videos. I especially like her cute and awkward English-speaking accent that sounds like she's trying to talk and gargle a mouthful of cum at the same time:
Maybe in fact that's exactly what she was doing, because not long after this documentary was shot, I heard that she left the group amid rumours of her blowing the guy who refilled the coffee machine in Teddy Riley's recording studio or whoever. So when a new single of theirs called "Style" was announced, I really wasn't that interested. Then of course the song was released and made me look like a fool by turning out to be just about the best goddamn thing in 2012:
I won't go into the musical elements that make "Style" work for me because that would be technical and boring, even by my standards. Let's just say that I like it musically, a lot. I did find the video a bit dull though, I thought that the "possessive rich guys trying to control Rania by buying them shit to mold them into their idealised image of the perfect trophy girlfriend are told to get fucked" theme was really cool, but I also thought "damn there are some ugly mutts in Rania now that Joy has left". That is, until the 1:35 mark when the video pulled out its ace card and my genitals shed white tears of joy.
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Tell me that she's not practicing her blowjob technique right there, right in the middle of a high-budget music video. What a thirsty skanky hoe - of course I applaud her wholeheartedly. Further investigation revealed that this lady is called T-ae, and... well to be honest I didn't spend any more time investigating jack shit after I found that out, because I was "busy". How the fuck I didn't notice her before is beyond me, but I've been following Rania closely ever since, and they're yet to release an absolute stinking turd of a song this year unlike a lot of other groups I could mention but won't because I'm a nice guy. So when T-ae did a guest vocal on some track with Defconn a few days back, I was all over that shit straight away, and you should be too.
Never mind that it sounds like Pitbull and that Defconn looks like your uncle, or that T-ae is only in it for about five seconds. Those are some of the best five seconds you're going to see this year, and in fact the whole video is pure gold. Watch T-ae flirt with the camera intensely enough to make Hyuna look like Lee Hi:
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Even if T-ae is not your type, don't worry, there's plenty of other eye candy here:
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Pole-dancing too, without the disadvantage of having to listen to After School's "First Love" at the same time:
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Then there's the video director's daring bid to one-up Bikiny's latest video as the bustiest in all of k-pop:
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I hope the competition between these two video directors keeps up, it can only lead in good directions.
Maybe that's all a bit raunchy for you though - perhaps you prefer things a little more subtle and symbolic. How about this for subtlety?
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(And there I was two weeks ago thinking f(x) were pushing it hoping nobody would notice their uterus-walls video sets. They slipped right under the radar with that, didn't they, those cheeky cao mi nas.)
The "I want some COCK.... tail" vocal refrain obviously nicely helps the "this song is about drinking... but not the alcoholic kind" theme along and this is probably the highest concentration of fap in one music video that you're going to get this year. You're welcome.
I thought "this video is pretty tame, really - what's a 'netizen' anyway, is that some kind of slang for an ultra-sexually conservative Internet censorship body who should be pushed under a bus and forgotten about?". Little did I know how close to the truth that initial thought was.
Far more importantly though (because netizens are never important), this video was also my first exposure to Rania.
I didn't think much of "Dr. Feelgood" (great sounds but too repetitive) or their other song "Pop Pop Pop" but I did like Joy, who looks even better backstage than in the videos. I especially like her cute and awkward English-speaking accent that sounds like she's trying to talk and gargle a mouthful of cum at the same time:
(relevant part: from the start until 1:15)
Maybe in fact that's exactly what she was doing, because not long after this documentary was shot, I heard that she left the group amid rumours of her blowing the guy who refilled the coffee machine in Teddy Riley's recording studio or whoever. So when a new single of theirs called "Style" was announced, I really wasn't that interested. Then of course the song was released and made me look like a fool by turning out to be just about the best goddamn thing in 2012:
I won't go into the musical elements that make "Style" work for me because that would be technical and boring, even by my standards. Let's just say that I like it musically, a lot. I did find the video a bit dull though, I thought that the "possessive rich guys trying to control Rania by buying them shit to mold them into their idealised image of the perfect trophy girlfriend are told to get fucked" theme was really cool, but I also thought "damn there are some ugly mutts in Rania now that Joy has left". That is, until the 1:35 mark when the video pulled out its ace card and my genitals shed white tears of joy.
Never mind that it sounds like Pitbull and that Defconn looks like your uncle, or that T-ae is only in it for about five seconds. Those are some of the best five seconds you're going to see this year, and in fact the whole video is pure gold. Watch T-ae flirt with the camera intensely enough to make Hyuna look like Lee Hi:
Even if T-ae is not your type, don't worry, there's plenty of other eye candy here:
Pole-dancing too, without the disadvantage of having to listen to After School's "First Love" at the same time:
Then there's the video director's daring bid to one-up Bikiny's latest video as the bustiest in all of k-pop:
I hope the competition between these two video directors keeps up, it can only lead in good directions.
Maybe that's all a bit raunchy for you though - perhaps you prefer things a little more subtle and symbolic. How about this for subtlety?
(And there I was two weeks ago thinking f(x) were pushing it hoping nobody would notice their uterus-walls video sets. They slipped right under the radar with that, didn't they, those cheeky cao mi nas.)
The "I want some COCK.... tail" vocal refrain obviously nicely helps the "this song is about drinking... but not the alcoholic kind" theme along and this is probably the highest concentration of fap in one music video that you're going to get this year. You're welcome.
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Saturday Shitfest #11
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Boner Time Presented By Hwang Jung Eum
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Do EXO have the ability to fix up their own batshit crazy fandom? Of course they do.
"Our school system trains kids to be ignorant, with style - functional ignoramuses. They do not equip students to deal with things like logic; they don't give them the criteria by which to judge between good and bad in any product or situation. They are groomed and launched to function as mindless buying machines for the products and concepts of a multinational military-industrial complex that needs a World Of Dumbells to survive." - Frank Zappa, from "The Real Frank Zappa Book".
I looked at a lot of fancams of EXO appearances while researching this blog, and almost all of the footage had one thing in common besides mobs of young girls with self-esteem lower than Boram's bicycle seat chasing around a bunch of guys who are probably all banging the chicks in Nine Muses - replaced audio.
The reason is fairly obvious: even some shithouse k-ballad (sorry IU but the MOGEF should really quit with the T&A censorship and instead do something good for pop music culture by banning any song under 80 BPM) sounds a hell of a lot better than this:
Welcome to hell.
It's fairlywelldocumented that EXO fans are on average the most insane of any k-pop fandom. The question is clearly not how insane they are, or indeed if they are insane - but, what is anyone going to do about it?
To EXO's credit, they seem to be appropriately embarrassed by the situation, and seem to want to do something about it, taking their time to do a bit of one-on-one counselling of saesangs and telling them off where possible. Of course this is the equivalent of trying to put out a forest fire with an eyedropper. As simple employees of a massive marketing machine, It's not their fault, right? Naturally, they can't reform their fans alone... right?
Eager to help, I went straight to the repository of all 21st century knowledge Google to see what I could find out about EXO in order to help them with their quest to control their own mentally challenged fans. Because I care.
![exoppp]()
Okay, "overrated" is first, yeah no kidding. I understand why their comeback would be searched (or at least I can put myself in the shoes of someone who would search that because I'm really that understanding and kind ahem), and there's that Wolf song everyone hates... but "powers", what the fuck's that? Are they like superheroes or some bullshit?
According to Wikipedia... yeah, like, totally. It's listed there like it's no big thing.
![expop]()
Right next to "country", and the countries aren't made up, so why would the powers be? There's not even any debate about this on EXO forums or anywhere else, or even on the Wiki's talk page where people love to argue and split hairs over the most minute factual details, it's actual fucking referenced information (sure, the reference goes to an old Allkpop article that doesn't even exist anymore but let's just gloss over that for now). Everyone just accepts it: these guys have some fucking "powers". Like woah, dude.
![exop]()
Now call me crazy, but I believe being a superhero comes with just a little bit of extra social responsibility to use your powers for the betterment of society. If you're Superman and the convenience store down the street gets robbed three times in a month, it could be reasonably argued that maybe you're just not doing your fucking job and spending too much time poncing around at home being Clark Kent with your head in Lois Lane's crotch while your cape is at the dry-cleaners. EXO have got a dude who fucking teleports, another one who can fly, some dude who can stop time, and there's even some guy who has "healing powers" - wouldn't that cover the healing of mental illness as well? So how can they realistically complain about their fandom like it's someone else's problem? These kids have the power to fix it themselves.* If nothing else, at the very least they could get the guy with the "fire" powers to apply some scorched earth policy next time they have to visit an airport or something.
![exc]()
But no, these selfish EXO kids just want to rest on their laurels. Tsk tsk. For now I guess those who care about the mental health of kids out there will just have to resort to some physical intervention.
Peace and love, kids.
* And if these powers aren't really real someone get them the fuck off the Wiki. Wikipedia is supposed to be for factual information, not for you fangirls to rub each others' clits in a massive circle-jerk. Come on kids, what is this.
Relevant part: oh wait these are fangirls, there is no "relevant part"
I looked at a lot of fancams of EXO appearances while researching this blog, and almost all of the footage had one thing in common besides mobs of young girls with self-esteem lower than Boram's bicycle seat chasing around a bunch of guys who are probably all banging the chicks in Nine Muses - replaced audio.
(or here)
(everybody move along - nothing to see here)
Welcome to hell.
It's fairlywelldocumented that EXO fans are on average the most insane of any k-pop fandom. The question is clearly not how insane they are, or indeed if they are insane - but, what is anyone going to do about it?
To EXO's credit, they seem to be appropriately embarrassed by the situation, and seem to want to do something about it, taking their time to do a bit of one-on-one counselling of saesangs and telling them off where possible. Of course this is the equivalent of trying to put out a forest fire with an eyedropper. As simple employees of a massive marketing machine, It's not their fault, right? Naturally, they can't reform their fans alone... right?
Eager to help, I went straight to the repository of all 21st century knowledge Google to see what I could find out about EXO in order to help them with their quest to control their own mentally challenged fans. Because I care.
Okay, "overrated" is first, yeah no kidding. I understand why their comeback would be searched (or at least I can put myself in the shoes of someone who would search that because I'm really that understanding and kind ahem), and there's that Wolf song everyone hates... but "powers", what the fuck's that? Are they like superheroes or some bullshit?
According to Wikipedia... yeah, like, totally. It's listed there like it's no big thing.
Right next to "country", and the countries aren't made up, so why would the powers be? There's not even any debate about this on EXO forums or anywhere else, or even on the Wiki's talk page where people love to argue and split hairs over the most minute factual details, it's actual fucking referenced information (sure, the reference goes to an old Allkpop article that doesn't even exist anymore but let's just gloss over that for now). Everyone just accepts it: these guys have some fucking "powers". Like woah, dude.
Now call me crazy, but I believe being a superhero comes with just a little bit of extra social responsibility to use your powers for the betterment of society. If you're Superman and the convenience store down the street gets robbed three times in a month, it could be reasonably argued that maybe you're just not doing your fucking job and spending too much time poncing around at home being Clark Kent with your head in Lois Lane's crotch while your cape is at the dry-cleaners. EXO have got a dude who fucking teleports, another one who can fly, some dude who can stop time, and there's even some guy who has "healing powers" - wouldn't that cover the healing of mental illness as well? So how can they realistically complain about their fandom like it's someone else's problem? These kids have the power to fix it themselves.* If nothing else, at the very least they could get the guy with the "fire" powers to apply some scorched earth policy next time they have to visit an airport or something.
But no, these selfish EXO kids just want to rest on their laurels. Tsk tsk. For now I guess those who care about the mental health of kids out there will just have to resort to some physical intervention.
(once again no relevant part but if you want to cut straight to the fun times they are at 1:28)
Peace and love, kids.
* And if these powers aren't really real someone get them the fuck off the Wiki. Wikipedia is supposed to be for factual information, not for you fangirls to rub each others' clits in a massive circle-jerk. Come on kids, what is this.
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Stuck in my Head ~ Song of the Day 6
So I just came back from my vacation and found out that Brown Eyed Girls, a group I thoroughly enjoy, recently released their latest single, "Kill Bill".
Although it did not attract me immediately, I thought it was a pretty nice song. Worth a listen (I think). I find that the dance really brings me in though. I found that sexy hip thrusting at the beginning to be quite hot. BUT THEY GOT RID OF THAT PART IN ALL OF THE LIVE PERFORMANCES. WHATEVER MAN.
But the song that I actually wanted to share here with you FISHies today was "Attraction" by BUMKEY featuring Dynamic Duo (which I inadvertently found while watching the Brown Eyed Girls' music video).
The only BUMKEY song I had ever heard before hand was when he was featured in Tablo's song "밑바닥에서". I liked him then, so I guess I should have followed up.
I really enjoy this song. I just find it very mellow and smooth. Hope you guys like it, too. I mean, come on. It has Dynamic Duo in it. His first single, "Bad Girl" featured E-sens of Supreme Team. Maybe some of you will like that one, as well.
And just because I introduced this article with Brown Eyed Girls, I guess I should put both versions of their MV on here, too, so you all know what I am talking about.
~*~*~
Side note: Stupid Things Fangirls Utter will continue again starting next Monday (August 26, 2013). Sorry for not making one today. Some weekly feature, huh. Hope this replacement suffices!
~*~*~
So if any of you have any recommendations, please send them to me via the comment section below, e-mail (zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com), twitter(akf_shinbi), or ask.fm (http://ask.fm/akfshinbi). Thanks, FISHies!
Although it did not attract me immediately, I thought it was a pretty nice song. Worth a listen (I think). I find that the dance really brings me in though. I found that sexy hip thrusting at the beginning to be quite hot. BUT THEY GOT RID OF THAT PART IN ALL OF THE LIVE PERFORMANCES. WHATEVER MAN.
But the song that I actually wanted to share here with you FISHies today was "Attraction" by BUMKEY featuring Dynamic Duo (which I inadvertently found while watching the Brown Eyed Girls' music video).
The only BUMKEY song I had ever heard before hand was when he was featured in Tablo's song "밑바닥에서". I liked him then, so I guess I should have followed up.
I really enjoy this song. I just find it very mellow and smooth. Hope you guys like it, too. I mean, come on. It has Dynamic Duo in it. His first single, "Bad Girl" featured E-sens of Supreme Team. Maybe some of you will like that one, as well.
And just because I introduced this article with Brown Eyed Girls, I guess I should put both versions of their MV on here, too, so you all know what I am talking about.
~*~*~
Side note: Stupid Things Fangirls Utter will continue again starting next Monday (August 26, 2013). Sorry for not making one today. Some weekly feature, huh. Hope this replacement suffices!
~*~*~
So if any of you have any recommendations, please send them to me via the comment section below, e-mail (zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com), twitter(akf_shinbi), or ask.fm (http://ask.fm/akfshinbi). Thanks, FISHies!
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[MV Review] 2NE1 - Do You Love Me
Late as usual, but oh well. If 2NE1 can half-ass an MV, I can half-ass my way through my article schedules. Heh.
The thing about 2NE1's Do You Love Me MV is that it is yet another notch in the long laundry list of shits YG doesn't give about 2NE1 recently. Blackjacks waited a KPop eon (read: 1 year) for a 2NE1 comeback that sucked ass. The whole thing was repeatedly delayed, but that was nothing new for longtime YG stans/industry veterans. What WAS new was the fact that the whole thing was originally an intro of sorts for the I Love You promotions. With that kind of thing in mind, you start to understand a little about why Blackjacks get so butthurt over 2NE1 comebacks.
In any case, the trend continues with Do You Love Me. Since YG spent all their production moneys on Gizibae's and Falling In Love's gold spray paint budget, DYLM's MV is filmed exclusively by handy cam. Most likely by 2NE1 themselves.
The whole premise starts with 2NE1 conducting an elaborate demon summoning ritual.
After obtaining the succubus powers, CL and Dara snort an eighth of coke each, Bom gets off her fucking rocker on a huge Vicodin binge, and the three of them proceed to corrupt Minzy in an orgy of debauchery and rampage across some island resort + casino. If this all sounds like the plotline of The Hangover I/II/III, then you would be absolutely correct. It pretty much is. Not exactly a bad thing, because seeing KPop idols (no matter who they are) drink and get down at tha crub is always funny, but it's still kind of a cop out when you take a look at 2NE1's backlog of expensive MVs.
If you're not into 2NE1 already, or you get easily nauseous, this MV is definitely not for you. Aside from all of these party clips, there's a surprising amount of exploitable + sexual gifs in this MV. Or not, since they summoned demons for sexual powers at the beginning of the MV.
Surprisingly, there's also quite a few cameos to be had in here too. Mostly YG affiliates, but there's some surprises too. I'll give you a handy picture guide to see if you spotted em all.
I'm sure there's more the folks who made this missed, but it doesn't really matter.
As for the song itself, it's a meh. Nothing special, nothing fancy. Unless you count making Dara sound like a breathless gasp most of the time as something wow-worthy. Other than that, it's just a typical summer club-banger, but there's so many better ones out there. Eh. I can't even muster enough fucks to give about the song. I will give them credit for making Minzy's parts pretty good.
The thing about 2NE1's Do You Love Me MV is that it is yet another notch in the long laundry list of shits YG doesn't give about 2NE1 recently. Blackjacks waited a KPop eon (read: 1 year) for a 2NE1 comeback that sucked ass. The whole thing was repeatedly delayed, but that was nothing new for longtime YG stans/industry veterans. What WAS new was the fact that the whole thing was originally an intro of sorts for the I Love You promotions. With that kind of thing in mind, you start to understand a little about why Blackjacks get so butthurt over 2NE1 comebacks.
In any case, the trend continues with Do You Love Me. Since YG spent all their production moneys on Gizibae's and Falling In Love's gold spray paint budget, DYLM's MV is filmed exclusively by handy cam. Most likely by 2NE1 themselves.
The whole premise starts with 2NE1 conducting an elaborate demon summoning ritual.
 |
| "LORD BEELZEBUB, PLS BLESS THIS UNHOLY PRODUCTION AND GIVE US SUCCUBUS POWERS SO BOM CAN GET THE D TONIGHT." |
 |
| Everyone's all coked out, but Minzy's being all cute 'n' shit with her wacky randomness in the back of most of these cuts. |
 |
| Case in point: Look at Minzy doing sit-ups behind CL's and Bom's drug-fueled rampaging. |
 |
| Some say this is Dara being cute, but the look in her eyes tells me otherwise. That shit is chilling. |
 |
| Using the power of bukakke, CL tries to summon yet another demon. |
 |
| Look at Minzy, she's sho cute gettin' all crunk 'n' shit. :3 |
 |
| Certain unscrupulous individuals out there could use this to depict a penis jizzing on CL or something. I sure as hell am not doing it. |
 |
| I almost shot myself for unleashing this upon the unsuspecting world. I hope you're happy, you sick fucks. |
 |
| Here's some Minzy fanservice. ;A; |
 |
| Click to EXPAND |
Visually, it's decent. Aside from Bom being Bom and CL + Dara looking more cracked out than usual, everyone looks fairly decent.
 |
| Minzy is the tru savior of this godforsaken group. |
 |
| Bom makes it so hard to excuse/overlook her faults. |
TL;DR: Don't bother with this shit unless you want to see 2NE1 fuck around and party.
+:
- gettin' crunk
- handy cam footage is kinda neat
- Minzy as always
- Minzy's parts
-:
- WTF Dara's singing
- lazy production
- YG gives no fucks about 2NE1
- Bom is still scary
- boring song overall
I give this MV a 2.5 out of 5.
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Cambodian Ring Ding Dong
As if the original wasn't bad enough, there's....this. Hey, at least the rapping is better and the dude singing at 2:37 doesn't sound like a dinosaur mid-climax.
I have to give these guys props, though. They trolled SHINee for views and to piss Shawols off, and it's easy to say they succeeded with 1700 dislikes and only receiving 431 likes. I'm assuming the 431 people that liked this must have really laughed their asses off.
Thanks to ziodonato for the tip.
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Question of the Week 76
This week's question comes from an anonymous asker on my Ask.fm:
Which idols do you think are mentally disturbed?
Thanks for your suggestion!
I am sure to an extent, all idols and trainees are mentally damaged from some sort of company abuse and/or fangirl obsession/threat. But I do not follow the entertainment scene nearly enough to notice anyone in particular.
If anyone has suggestions for future Question of the Weeks, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to akf_shinbi, ask them at http://ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Thank you!
Which idols do you think are mentally disturbed?
Thanks for your suggestion!
I am sure to an extent, all idols and trainees are mentally damaged from some sort of company abuse and/or fangirl obsession/threat. But I do not follow the entertainment scene nearly enough to notice anyone in particular.
If anyone has suggestions for future Question of the Weeks, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to akf_shinbi, ask them at http://ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Thank you!
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[MV Review] Sunmi - 24 Hours Aren't Enough
Sunmi returns after four long years as a sex-crazed girl who just really wants The D. Badly. If this is Sunmi's apology for being replaced by Lim, apology accepted. It was bad enough that Sunmi, my favorite member of the Wonder Girls, left the group, but it was as if JYP hired a large dump truck full of salt to pour into a gaping wound when Lim was put in the group to replace Sunmi. Lim rivals Hyoyeon, Bom, and Hyorin in the number of renobs caused since 2010, and to make matters worse, Lim thinks she can rap.
Although I feel like this is an apology from Sunmi, I think this song is an apology from JYP himself. Not only has JYP finally composed a song worth remembering in 2013, it does its intended job without electronic farts, mashing five songs into one, and unnecessary rapping.
I really enjoyed the actual composition to the song. The verses and refrain really worked for me, partially because I liked the actual composition, but the lyrics for the song are much better than the typical idol song. Instead of trite shit like "oppa, my panties are starting to soak when I just look at you," we get less-trite shit, which is all I'm looking for in a pop song. I only care about lyrics in a hiphop song, but I have a limit to the repetition of stupid lyrics like "oppa, look at my wet panties as I confess to you." The only part of the song that leaves me confused is the bridge. It comes out of left field and the composition is a bit too different from the rest of the song for my tastes, but after a few listens, it does sound better, and I'll take slightly awkward bridges over shitty idol rap breaks any day. Any fucking day.
Sunmi is hot.
Before slut shamers and vocalfags shit all over Sunmi, I just want to thank JYP. While this doesn't make up for Lim's existence, this song is a small step in redeeming yourself.
Thanks to comekpop for the jjangbak gifs.
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Saturday Shitfest #12
Today's Shitfest is going to be started with the diss tracks between E-Sens and Gaeko. Yes, get your popcorn gifs ready, bitches.
E-Sens - You Can't Control Me
Gaeko - I Can Control You
Oh yeah, Zaku should be streaming tonight. You know, if he actually tells people he's streaming instead of waiting an hour after the start time to tell people that he isn't streaming.
E-Sens - You Can't Control Me
Gaeko - I Can Control You
Oh yeah, Zaku should be streaming tonight. You know, if he actually tells people he's streaming instead of waiting an hour after the start time to tell people that he isn't streaming.
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Your bias gets INFINITE amounts of pussy
It's no secret that as k-pop's stock has risen globally, there are more young people in Korea than ever before striving to become idols, and that it's a ridiculously competitive industry where something like 0.01% of hopefuls will ever get anywhere close to their dream. What would inspire such fierce competition, especially in the case of the male groups? Surely not ego given how much new idol groups are despised, and certainly not money given that even many of the top stars have a bank balance in the negative. So what does that leave?
Answer: the same thing that inspires just about everything else that men do.
"The male sex drive is so powerful that if it were to be eliminated, the entire economy would crash in one day. There would be nobody at work, nobody in school. All we would do is lie around and eat and fart and get fat. The sex drive is what makes men get up in the morning. It's the machine that runs the world. Why do men want to become successful? To get women. For gay men, it's no different. You're ambitious to please your partner. If women didn't like criminals, there would be no crime. If a thief knew women wouldn't accept the things he buys with stolen money, he wouldn't steal. The money would be no good. Very few men are out there seeking just straight-up blatant power. In the film Scarface, Al Pacino says, "In this country, first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women." He didn't say, "First you get the women." Women were the prize at the end of the climb." - Ice-T, from "The Ice Opinion".
I recently found a fascinating Tumblr called "kpop scenarios". Most fanfiction sites bore me rigid but what I thought was special and interesting about this site is that it's a "service" for those who might like to write fanfiction but might not be blessed with any creative writing skills, so you're getting your fanfic written for you by someone who might be a crazy fangirl just like you, but who has to bend their imagination a bit so they can pretend that they're into your bias group enough to get "in the zone" to put out some appropriately mushy writing. There's a business idea in this somewhere.
However, a quick peruse through the list of scenarios currently available revealed a saddening shortfall: the scenarios lacked realism as they were overly "domesticated" - they didn't seem to reflect the reality of how people have relationships in the high-pressure world of the music industry.
![scen2]()
Hey you dumb whore, guess what - some guy in a k-pop group doesn't have time to teach you the "penguin dance", don't you think he gets enough of fucking dancing at work? He probably doesn't even have time to go shopping either, let alone buy a "bouncy castle" (is this the answer to the age-old question "what do women want"?) - hell, he probably lives in a squalid dorm and doesn't even have anywhere to PUT your fucking bouncy castle. Where the fuck do you buy a bouncy castle anyway, I must confessed I've never looked into this properly. He's more interested in fucking, certainly not in fucking YOU but certainly getting it wet somewhere along the line.
A little-known fact: most idols, when they have sex (which is fairly often - we'll get to that in a moment), do it in cars. It's not hard to figure this out - after all you can't fuck in your dorm because it'll annoy the shit out of the other members, if you go to a hotel with some chick the media will be all over it, and you can't find a dark alley because there are saesangs everywhere outdoors, so unless you're fucking some girl who works for the same record company as you (in which case you can probably sneak out and find a vacant room somewhere at company HQ) then the car is really the only option. K-pop producer Shinsadong Tiger even bragged recently quite openly in the media about how he's been responsible for arranging several backseat fuckathons like these, and you can bet he's not the only one lending out his car for "services". Korea might be culturally "sexually conservative" as a general rule, but remember we're also talking about the music industry which is notoriously "sexually unconservative" and has a culture that's more permissive when it comes to casual hookups.
So how much fucking do these idols actually do? Are any of them virgins?
Hahahahahahaha.
Hahaha.
Here's Vice Magazine reporting on Seoul Fashion Week.
You always get the most revealing results about k-pop artists from media that doesn't usually cover k-pop, because the groups are caught a little off-side by journalists who aren't aware of standard procedure, and the media themselves don't give everything the usual spin that is customary. Relevant part: from 11:14 to 13:14. Infinite are quite happy to talk candidly about the fact that they're giving away the D like it's a fire sale until Woolim Ent. PR reps come storming in and say "we can't let them film this, quick - shut off the cameras before our precious Infinite reveal they are fucking Dal Shabet and AOA members in the back of the company SUV!"
With all this in mind, I decided to send through a request for some fanfic to "Kpop Scenarios" that would reflect the realities that I felt were lacking in this collection and thereby help rebalance the list in favour of the kind of gritty realism that I try to exemplify in my own writing:
![scen1]()
We'll see how we go. So far, I haven't heard back. Sadly I don't think the Tumblr is all that active anymore given that the last visible update is at the end of 2012 but here's hoping that my requests sparks some more creativity! Wish me luck!
Answer: the same thing that inspires just about everything else that men do.
"The male sex drive is so powerful that if it were to be eliminated, the entire economy would crash in one day. There would be nobody at work, nobody in school. All we would do is lie around and eat and fart and get fat. The sex drive is what makes men get up in the morning. It's the machine that runs the world. Why do men want to become successful? To get women. For gay men, it's no different. You're ambitious to please your partner. If women didn't like criminals, there would be no crime. If a thief knew women wouldn't accept the things he buys with stolen money, he wouldn't steal. The money would be no good. Very few men are out there seeking just straight-up blatant power. In the film Scarface, Al Pacino says, "In this country, first you get the money, then you get the power, then you get the women." He didn't say, "First you get the women." Women were the prize at the end of the climb." - Ice-T, from "The Ice Opinion".
I recently found a fascinating Tumblr called "kpop scenarios". Most fanfiction sites bore me rigid but what I thought was special and interesting about this site is that it's a "service" for those who might like to write fanfiction but might not be blessed with any creative writing skills, so you're getting your fanfic written for you by someone who might be a crazy fangirl just like you, but who has to bend their imagination a bit so they can pretend that they're into your bias group enough to get "in the zone" to put out some appropriately mushy writing. There's a business idea in this somewhere.
However, a quick peruse through the list of scenarios currently available revealed a saddening shortfall: the scenarios lacked realism as they were overly "domesticated" - they didn't seem to reflect the reality of how people have relationships in the high-pressure world of the music industry.
Hey you dumb whore, guess what - some guy in a k-pop group doesn't have time to teach you the "penguin dance", don't you think he gets enough of fucking dancing at work? He probably doesn't even have time to go shopping either, let alone buy a "bouncy castle" (is this the answer to the age-old question "what do women want"?) - hell, he probably lives in a squalid dorm and doesn't even have anywhere to PUT your fucking bouncy castle. Where the fuck do you buy a bouncy castle anyway, I must confessed I've never looked into this properly. He's more interested in fucking, certainly not in fucking YOU but certainly getting it wet somewhere along the line.
A little-known fact: most idols, when they have sex (which is fairly often - we'll get to that in a moment), do it in cars. It's not hard to figure this out - after all you can't fuck in your dorm because it'll annoy the shit out of the other members, if you go to a hotel with some chick the media will be all over it, and you can't find a dark alley because there are saesangs everywhere outdoors, so unless you're fucking some girl who works for the same record company as you (in which case you can probably sneak out and find a vacant room somewhere at company HQ) then the car is really the only option. K-pop producer Shinsadong Tiger even bragged recently quite openly in the media about how he's been responsible for arranging several backseat fuckathons like these, and you can bet he's not the only one lending out his car for "services". Korea might be culturally "sexually conservative" as a general rule, but remember we're also talking about the music industry which is notoriously "sexually unconservative" and has a culture that's more permissive when it comes to casual hookups.
So how much fucking do these idols actually do? Are any of them virgins?
Hahahahahahaha.
Hahaha.
Here's Vice Magazine reporting on Seoul Fashion Week.
You always get the most revealing results about k-pop artists from media that doesn't usually cover k-pop, because the groups are caught a little off-side by journalists who aren't aware of standard procedure, and the media themselves don't give everything the usual spin that is customary. Relevant part: from 11:14 to 13:14. Infinite are quite happy to talk candidly about the fact that they're giving away the D like it's a fire sale until Woolim Ent. PR reps come storming in and say "we can't let them film this, quick - shut off the cameras before our precious Infinite reveal they are fucking Dal Shabet and AOA members in the back of the company SUV!"
With all this in mind, I decided to send through a request for some fanfic to "Kpop Scenarios" that would reflect the realities that I felt were lacking in this collection and thereby help rebalance the list in favour of the kind of gritty realism that I try to exemplify in my own writing:
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Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 38
This week's photo comes from an anonymous asker on my ask.fm:
![]()
Thank you for your submission!
~*~*~
That whore, Krystal. How dare she touch another boy from the same company. Well, we netizens always knew that Krystal was a bitch. What a slut! Touching Taemin AND THEN KAI. Like some harlot. Gawd. Woman be thirsty as shit. Gurl, she has no right to be feeling up YOUR Kai.
If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to akf_shinbi, ask them at http://ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Thank you!
Thank you for your submission!
~*~*~
That whore, Krystal. How dare she touch another boy from the same company. Well, we netizens always knew that Krystal was a bitch. What a slut! Touching Taemin AND THEN KAI. Like some harlot. Gawd. Woman be thirsty as shit. Gurl, she has no right to be feeling up YOUR Kai.
If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to akf_shinbi, ask them at http://ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Thank you!
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2NE1 Destroys Nurse and School Girl Fetishes
A webmaster of one of the leading pornography sites revealed that there has been a massive decline in the views of pornography videos featuring nurses and school girls. "These were two of our best categories for obtaining views, but no one is watching them anymore. We uploaded a few videos of some Japanese girls getting gangbanged and bukkaked on a subway, but there have been zero views. It was even uncensored, so we thought it was strange that there were no views." When the webmaster was told of the supposed pictures that caused the massive decline in views, he replied "I don't even wish to see those pictures. It would probably be unethical to show those to the terrorists in Guantanamo Bay.
Pfizer has seen a massive spike in sales over the past few days. A representative stated "We are undergoing experiments right now to find a way for men to regain the ability to get an erection after seeing the 2NE1 picture. That lady in the school girl outfit looks like Michael Myers from the Halloween series. That alone must have killed thousands of boners."
When the AKF team tried contacting YG Entertainment to get their stance on the worst act of terrorism since September 11, the representatives replied with "No comment."
We here at AKF just hope some people don't start photoshopping Bom's face into school girl pornography pictures and videos.
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What bothers me about most boy band music videos
Rarely do we see a wonderfully made music video that has an engaging storyline, good acting, meaningful lyrics, and beautiful music (also read: pretty much only Davichi does this in the Korean music industry). Even rarer do we see a music video that actually makes sense (*cough* barely one fourth of the music videos released in this world). Quite often most companies (whether rich or poor) do the generic close ups, showcase two sets of outfits, and film "our favourite" dancing-in-a-box scenes in all of the cookie-cutter videos.
But what bothers me most is when boy bands are specifically given a storyline like this:
So, what? Do the directors just expect every boy in the group to share the same girl?
Look at NU'EST in this case. The same bitch is cheating on all 5 of them! Except for Ren. She probably considered him, like, her gay best friend or something.
All I am saying is that the director could at least have the courtesy to hire enough girls to compliment each boy like in SS501's video:
... instead of having them all fight over the same girl like in the case of B1A4.
She doesn't even want any of them! She just wants her fake white boyfriend with a Ken-doll face.
Oh, speaking of B1A4, remember that time when they were given the most hideous beast to be their female lead? Barf. I remember that time. BECAUSE I THREW UP RIGHT AFTER. (link: http://antikpopfangirl.blogspot.ca/2012/05/oh-dear-god-what-is-that.html)
I know, I know, sharing is caring and all that bullshit we learned from back in pre-school. But once you get a little bit older, sharing people you are in a relationship with is considered polygamy and is frowned upon in some cultures. Or if you are half of the girls in these music videos, then it is called cheating.
You guys should take advice from Big Bang when it comes to making music videos about one girl.
See! Look at that! All 5 members are helping some OTHER guy get the ONE girl. That makes a thousand times more sense.
Even TOP has G-Dragon's back:
Learn from Big Bang. Bros before hoes, my friends.
TL;DR : These are horny teenaged boys! Give them a bone..........r.
PS. If you seriously felt this article was "too long" and you "did not read" the whole thing, then you are just lazy. It is practically 2 mediocre length paragraphs long altogether. These are all videos. In fact, you don't even have to watch any of them.
Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you.
But what bothers me most is when boy bands are specifically given a storyline like this:
Did you know there is a "ZOOM ZOOM" version of this video? Wtf does that even mean? Someone go figure that out for me, please.
I am actually a little confused over the ending of this story. So, was the girl that they were following the hot one, or the ugly one? As well, the guy/cat doll at the end who finally "gets the girls" would actually be pretty handsome if he did not wear unflattering make-up. Lastly, is the girl/owner of these plushies not horrified and confused as to why her cat toys suddenly became teenaged boys vying for her heart, messing up her date, and trying to kiss her?
(This is just a small list of offenders. There are, like, a billion more. Add to the list in the comment section below!)
So, what? Do the directors just expect every boy in the group to share the same girl?
Look at NU'EST in this case. The same bitch is cheating on all 5 of them! Except for Ren. She probably considered him, like, her gay best friend or something.
To be fair, in this scenario there are actually 2 girls. But both are cheating on at least 2 of the boys so my case still stands. Then again this song is about cheating. Look, let me just have my moment okay. All Asians look the same anyways. Surely I am not the only one who thought it was the same girl at first glance.
All I am saying is that the director could at least have the courtesy to hire enough girls to compliment each boy like in SS501's video:
... instead of having them all fight over the same girl like in the case of B1A4.
She doesn't even want any of them! She just wants her fake white boyfriend with a Ken-doll face.
Oh, speaking of B1A4, remember that time when they were given the most hideous beast to be their female lead? Barf. I remember that time. BECAUSE I THREW UP RIGHT AFTER. (link: http://antikpopfangirl.blogspot.ca/2012/05/oh-dear-god-what-is-that.html)
I know, I know, sharing is caring and all that bullshit we learned from back in pre-school. But once you get a little bit older, sharing people you are in a relationship with is considered polygamy and is frowned upon in some cultures. Or if you are half of the girls in these music videos, then it is called cheating.
You guys should take advice from Big Bang when it comes to making music videos about one girl.
See! Look at that! All 5 members are helping some OTHER guy get the ONE girl. That makes a thousand times more sense.
Even TOP has G-Dragon's back:
Omigoodness TOP <3. I love you so, so, sososososo much.
Learn from Big Bang. Bros before hoes, my friends.
TL;DR : These are horny teenaged boys! Give them a bone..........r.
PS. If you seriously felt this article was "too long" and you "did not read" the whole thing, then you are just lazy. It is practically 2 mediocre length paragraphs long altogether. These are all videos. In fact, you don't even have to watch any of them.
Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you.
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AKF Livestream Featuring AKF + Dual Stream With Zaku
I will be streaming this Saturday (8/31) at 6 PM EST/3 PM PST. Yes, me. You've been asking for it, so I finally decided to test out my webcam and already did test runs.
I am very punctual, so I will start at 6 PM EST, maybe even a few minutes early. I still need to download OBS (the software Zaku uses during his livestream to show his screen) and fuck around with that.
I will have some structure to my livestream so as to not have that much dead time. Save your questions for the time slots.
6:00-6:20 Introduction, how I do things around here and other sites, where I find stuff
6:20-6:40 Answering questions
6:40-7:10 MS Paint tutorial, live MV review(s), live process of writing an article
7:10-7:30 Answering questions
~7:40-whenever - Dual stream with Zaku on Google Hangout
Link to the livestream.
I am very punctual, so I will start at 6 PM EST, maybe even a few minutes early. I still need to download OBS (the software Zaku uses during his livestream to show his screen) and fuck around with that.
I will have some structure to my livestream so as to not have that much dead time. Save your questions for the time slots.
6:00-6:20 Introduction, how I do things around here and other sites, where I find stuff
6:20-6:40 Answering questions
6:40-7:10 MS Paint tutorial, live MV review(s), live process of writing an article
7:10-7:30 Answering questions
~7:40-whenever - Dual stream with Zaku on Google Hangout
Link to the livestream.
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