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WATCH LEAGUE OF LEGENDS

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The League of Legends World Championships kick off today, support our Korean overlords!!

WHOO!! EVERYONE LOVES KOREA AMIRITE

If not, just look at some cosplay by Yuri Seo, semi-famous TV personality and voice actress currently
working on SNL Korea.
SEE MORE COSPLAY HERE

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 41

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This week's photo comes from Wan:


Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

OMG GUISE WE NEED TO TOUCH EVERYTHING EXO TOUCHED TO BRING MEANING TO OUR LIVES!!!!!!1!!11

OMFG WE ARE BREATHING THE SAME AIR EXO BREATHED!!!11!1!!one!!1

DID YOU KNOW WE LIVE ON THE SAME PLANET AS EXO!?!?!? HOLY SHIT!!! 

/hyperventilates
/retweet retweet

How blessed we are for being in the same universe as EXO. There truly is a kind and merciful being out there looking out for us all.

I like your name, kpoplover. Your bias is a little transparent from that starting point already, huh.


If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to @akf_shinbi, ask them at ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you. Thank you, FISHies!

EXO fans editing Wikipedia

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Fangirls are editing Wikipedia pages with stupid shit, this time it's the Anterograde amnesia page.




Click here if the image is too small.

You know, when the fictional cases are added, it's supposed to be from legitimate fiction like movies or novels that people have actually read, not from some fanfic written by a 12-year-old girl who was fingering herself while writing the fanfic.

But since it's on Wikipedia, it has to be true, right? Look at what I just found on Wikipedia...

EDIT:

It's even infected Google searches for anterograde amnesia...


T-ara is finally coming back to Korea

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We know what 95% of Korean netizens and international fans are gonna say, so Soyeon is here to slay them all down.

Exotics Even Try to Ruin League of Legends

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If you didn't know, or you missed my earlier post about League of Legends, the Season 3 World Championships is going on right now. 14 teams are playing for a shot at $1 million dollars ($2.2 million prize pot total).


One of the teams playing is called Mineski, a team from the Philippines (pinoy pride, yadda yadda), and one of their player's gamer tag is "Exo." I think you know where this is going.



This is him.
When I first heard the guy's name, it honestly didn't even register with me that Mineski's Exo shared a name with Kpop EXO. Who the fuck even cares that the two share a name? Exotics, that's who.
With the LoL world championships kicking off, a lot of the pro gamers were coming up on search rankings. EXO fans noticed that team MSK had a player named Exo and started a campaign on internet communities to report his ID to the LoL website to get him to change his name. 

Netizens commented, "Do these fans think the LoL cup is a local PC room competition? The prize is $2.2 million, money that you kids will never be able to make in a lifetime. Stupid EXO fangirls causing a fuss over an ID," "These fans are going to terrorize the LoL cup," "These fans are embarrassing our country and their singers", etc. 

1. [+100, -7] There is seriously no solution to these fans...

2. [+77, -6] Even the journalist sounds pissed at the fans in this article ㅋㅋㅋ EXO cockroaches, do they really not know that they're ruining their own artist's image

3. [+62, -4] Finally a journalist who wrote the real netizen response in his article

4. [+61, -8] No solution to these stupid EXO fangirls... They're a menace to society. How could they report a player over his nickname;; and who cares what his nickname is anyway, what's it got anything to do with them? I swear, only 1 in 100 fans are normal beings... ㅋㅋㅋ

5. [+27, -2] As an EXO fan, this is so embarrassing ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I hope these so called fans will leave the fandom once the group goes on hiatus ㅠㅠ

6. [+23, -2] Are there more lol fans or EXO fans
These crazy bitches want some poor guy (I say poor because Mineski are getting smashed in the group stages if you're not watching or paying attention to the tournament) to change his name because he shares a GAMER TAG with EXO? Do these people have any limits? What's next? Are they going to demand that the eXo Platform software change their names too? Fuck the Enriched Xenon Observatory (commonly known as EXO) too while we're at it. I may not have the most accurate or long-reaching memory, but I'm pretty sure the EXO fandom's insanity is pretty unrivaled at this point.

I will say that it's pretty funny that Exotic shenanigans is getting the online community pissed off because they dare touch the eSports scene. If this is the response to a foreign team's player getting harassed, imagine how bad the backlash would be if a player from a Korean team playing in the tournament was in that same position... I for one would love to see an SKT T1 Exo or something like that, if only for the collective rage of eSports fanboys clashing with Exotic fangirls.

But if you don't care, here's another attractive girl in League of Legends cosplay.

[MV Review] Jolin Tsai - Journey

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Queen Jolin makes a faptacular cumback.
Short review:8=======D~~~~~~
Longer review: 8=======D~~~~~~( . Y . )
Detailed review after the jump.

8======D~~~~~~~~~~> ' )\\

Okay, that's just a terrible drawing of a face, but they keyboard is limited in what it can do.

This song and music video were made to advertise Swarovski, and I say they did a pretty good job. I only knew the company beforehand because of Han Ye Seul, but if I didn't know about Swarovski before, it would be the first company to come to mind whenever I think about high-end jewelry. I mean, come on, it would be associating itself with Jolin Tsai (and her rack, more on that later.) That's pretty effective marketing to me.

The song itself is above average and isn't one of Jolin's best, but it's easy to overlook that because this is just a promotional track for an advertising campaign. Who knows, it may end up on Jolin's next album. However, the production behind it isn't as good as The Great Artist or Fantasy, but still catchy enough to listen to if the autotuned English bits don't throw you off.

The MV, however, is the best part of the whole experience. Plenty of tits and ass shots throughout the MV while Jolin looks flawless. This MV is so gif-worthy.

8======D~~~~~~

Her "talents" are huge - why "MR removed" videos are all bullshit

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For a while now, a horrible cancer has been infecting the world of k-pop - the obsession with "talent".  I put "talent" in inverted commas because when people talk about "talent" in k-pop in either a positive or negative sense, they usually only ever talk about one thing, which is singing ability.  They tend to ignore other talents that actually matter a lot more for career advancement and industry success in the world of ultra-commercial idol pop, such as:
  • Looking good on stage
  • Dancing (sometimes also factored in when people discuss "talent" - but rarely)
  • Looking good on TV
  • Stage presence
  • Looking good in front of still cameras (i.e modelling)
  • Talking to the media (if you don't think this one matters, just ask anyone in KARA)
  • Looking good in a versatile way for different outfits to use in different concepts
  • Emotional labour (what air hostesses do - keeping the happy facade up, smiling constantly when you've had a shit day etc, ask f(x) about this one)
  • Looking good even in airports
  • Fellatio technique (just ask [insert your bias here])
  • Looking good even in a car accident (or else)
  • Behind-the-scenes talent that supports your talent (songwriters, producers, stylists, choreographers)
  • Looking good at all times
It also helps if you are attractive.  More fun facts about vocal performances after the jump.


The obsession about vocal performance always seems odd to me when we're talking about the idol pop genre, a genre of music where the #1 most successful female idol group of all time was The Spice Girls and the most successful solo singers of all time in their respective genders were Elvis Presley and Madonna.  I thought it would have been fairly obvious to anybody with their eyes even half-open that outstanding vocal performance was kind of an optional requirement at most.  In this context it's easy to see why k-pop companies don't bother to train their artists too hard in vocal performance, they've sensibly worked out through market research that it's not something that's really needed.

Nevertheless, this doesn't stop a bunch of armchair douchebags obsessing about vocal quality anyway, and one of the favourite tools that they use to pick apart vocal performance is the "MR removed" mix.  This mix is created by ripping out all the backing track with audio editing software, so you can just hear (and snidely judge as if your opinion is in any way relevant) the vocals on their own.  OMG THE TRUTH IS REVEALED, AMIRITE?

Well, not exactly.  The problem with this is that the results are typically not indicative of the true vocal performance, or anything else for that matter, except how much time some bored Starcraft player has to fuck around with sound waveforms and make them sound like you're listening to your neighbour's TV set from inside a toilet bowl.

(Wow, the cheek of the video uploader labeling this "official MR removed" - tsk tsk.  Who wants to notify LOEN and shut his/her YouTube account down?  Actually, don't, because then it'll break this blog post and I'll have to get MR removed videos from somewhere else, too much hassle, heh.)

So what's the problem?

To understand why MR removed videos are essentially completely fucking useless as a tool to evaluate singers, we firstly need to understand how the software that removes backing tracks works.  The rest of this blog post is going to get a bit fucking technical, but there's really no way this can be avoided.  I'll do my best to explain this all in language that any 11-year old EXO fan can understand.

There are two techniques that are used to create an "MR removed" mix, and we'll discuss them (and the associated problems) separately.

1.  PHASE CANCELLATION

All sound is the vibration of molecules.  When a sound is generated from a singer, the vibration of the singer's vocal cords from side to side vibrates nearby air molecules which also start going from side to side.  These molecules bumpity-bumpity onto other air molecules until they eventually get to your ear, where they bumpity onto the hairs in your ear that then also start going from side to side.  Because your brain is ultra-clevery-smart and stuff, it then converts those hair movements into brainwaves and that's how you hear "ULF NEGA ULF AWOOOOOOOO".

We can chart molecular motion of sound onto a graph, like this:

wf1


The horizontal axis is time (in fractions of a second), and the vertical axis is amplitude.   From the center 0.0, the molecule moves up, and then down, up and down...

wf2


The result is a waveform of sound that you can hear.  But what would happen if we had two waveforms, and they were exact opposites of each other?

wf3


As you can see, the second waveform we've now added below goes up where the first one goes down, and vice versa, just like I would if I was lying down on that stage while Eunjung bopped up and down over my lap. The second signal is what is called an "out of phase" signal, as the wave motion is considered to be 180 degrees different  or "out of phase" to the original wave motion, so in other words a total opposite, like how the 180 degree point is on the opposite end of the zero degree point of a protractor.


In this case, the two waveforms, being opposites, would mathematically cancel each other out, and if you played them both as they are displayed here, you wouldn't hear any sound at all - even though the sound is still being generated, it's being generated in equal-but-opposite directions.  This effect is known as "phase cancellation".  This is how active noise-cancelling headphones work, and it also part of how cancellation in "MR removed" MVs works.

So let's apply this to k-pop.  Say you've got a live recording of Dal Shabet's new song "Molest Me On The Subway, Oppa".


Let's also say that because you're a big fan, you've also got the studio version.


Since you know that the group just sings along to the studio recording on the live stage, by combining the two as above, lining them up just right, and then inverting the waveform so that the studio version is out of phase, the studio version's audio should cancel out the waveforms on the studio recording that they're singing along with, just leaving the "difference", which is the live vocals and any cheering, right?


Wrong - as you can hear.  There's all sorts of weird crusty shit in the mix, for a start - yes the main audio track is cancelled, but the reproduction of it in the TV studio has a different ambience which changes the sound slightly, and those differences can still be heard, including not just the effect of whatever speaker system they're using in the studio, but also any reflections of sound that are bouncing off the back walls and back into the microphones.  Also, half the vocals are actually missing - what's with that?  Is it because the girls are so busy dreaming of all the clit-rubbing action they're going to get next time the take the subway that they just chose not to sing some of the syllables?  Not likely (sadly).  The problem with phase cancellation is that it acts across the whole mix, not just the bits you want it to act on, so if you're singing along to the vocals on the backing track, then every time the waveform of your voice becomes equal-but-opposite to the out-of-phase waveform of your voice used by some Starcraft nerd to perform the cancellation, your voice gets cancelled out as well.  Oops.  Paradoxically, the more true to the original recording your vocal performance is, the more likely this will happen and the phase-cancelling software will cancel a big chunk of your voice out almost completely.  So when you're hearing an "MR removed" mix, and the voice is kind of fading in and out and it sounds really weak, that could be because that person is singing really poorly, or it could be because they are singing a little bit too well, because it's so close to like what's on the recording that a large chunk of it is being cancelled - which is of course exactly what they're trying to do.  Unless you're actually in the studio controlling those levels, there's no true way of knowing which one of these possibilities is true.

If backing tracks don't actually contain the voice itself, then this isn't a problem, and the phase cancellation works a lot better.  However, if the backing tracks don't contain the voice itself you don't exactly need an MR removed version anyway, for obvious reasons - you already can hear the vocal.

Let's move onto our second useless technique that doesn't work all that well for removing backing tracks from vocals, so we can understand why it also sucks:

2.  STEREO BANDPASS FILTERING

Sometimes, you just ain't got a studio version.  Maybe it doesn't exist, because it's a one-off never-to-be-repeated live performance of some song that this artist doesn't normally do.  On the other hand maybe it does exist but you don't have access to it because you're anti this artist and you wouldn't buy their stuff, you just want to make an MR mix to prove to the rest of the world why they shouldn't buy it either, in the vain and futile hope that this will actually affect the artist's bottom line, because you suck and should be destroyed.  Or perhaps you've already done the phase cancellation but there's still a crapload of noise in the background and you want to get rid of more of it so your pristine vocal track shines through so you can hear how shit it is.

Now, common conventional audio mixing wisdom dictates that both vocals and instruments in an audio mix need "room", which means you've got to find somewhere in the audio field to put them, otherwise you can't hear everything clearly.   Let's look a visual representation of an audio field.

wfyeah1


Now let's separate our field into areas, so we know what we're dealing with.  The vertical axis of our field is the "frequency field", which means the pitch of our instruments and voices.  High sounding things go up the top, low sounding things down the bottom.

wfyeah2


Now let's add stereo.  We'll conceptualise our sound as being either in the center of the stereo field (coming out equally through both speakers) or it will be panned either "hard left" or "hard right", and we'll use the horizontal axis to represent this.

wfyeah3


Now, when someone mixes a pop hit what they're attempting to do is fill up all the boxes with "stuff" so they get a nice full-sounding mix, but without anything overlapping.  If there are too many things in the one box, they tend to compete for space, so the aim is for a reasonably even distribution of sounds.

A typical result of elements that you might hear in a pop mix:

wfyeah4


Dead center is almost always where the main vocal track sits.  Seeing as how we want to isolate vocals and hear them on their own, if we apply a filter, we can filter out the deep stuff and the high stuff (thus leaving a "band" of audio in the middle hence "bandpass" because we let that bit "pass" through and block the rest), and we can also filter out the stuff at the left and right edges of the mix.  This should just leave us with the vocal, right?

Well, yes...actually it works great.  Check this original and then the MR removed version:



But whoever made that video wasted their time, because with a recording like that, you don't need the MR removed version anyway - there's no studio version with a vocal backing track for Ailee to sing over the top of, therefore no reason to separate the parts.  Whoever made this is just having a "look how good I can make an MR removed video sound" wank.

If we're talking about the more typical k-pop scenario of a singer singing over a backing track that includes their own voice, then we're straight back into shit-filled toilet bowl territory again, because there's no way that bandpass filtering can tell the difference between the studio vocal track and the live one that's been plopped over the top.  Most MR removed videos therefore have to use a combination of stereo bandpass filtering and phase cancellation to bring you a result, which in turn butchers all the audio, including the stuff that you're actually there to listen to:


You can hear the guitars and the snare drum bleeding through quite strongly - because these instruments are operating on a similar frequency range and stereo location to Lee Hi's voice.  Other instruments you can't hear at all, they're outside the filter range.  However, what you also can't hear is half of Lee Hi's actual vocal performance, and what is there sounds like a bunch of warbly crap because half of what actually makes her sound decent has been ripped out along with all the other stuff.  If you didn't know who she was you could well be forgiven for thinking that she's no better or worse at singing than anyone in Dal Shabet.

Here's Ailee again, singing to a backing track of her own voice this time and you'll notice half her voice is actually gone, from 0:40 the audio is a shitfest and she's dropping in volume everywhere:


What a mess, right?  Forgetting the fact that this is Ailee who we do actually know is a slightly above average by western standards but nothing to write home about good singer, if you didn't know the song or the singer and closed your eyes and heard this for the first time, you'd think "whoever the fuck that is, they can barely sing, her volume is all over the place and she sounds strained... she must have nice 'talents' to get this far in the industry".  So the only reason why you know that this performance didn't suck is because it's Ailee and you already know that she can sing, not because the MR removed track actually "revealed" anything whatsoever, because if you were judging it on that alone you'd wonder why she lost her voice halfway through the first verse.  In this way it's easy to see how MR removed videos have just become a tool for either praising your bias to the skies or bashing whoever it is you don't like (I could easily make an argument for either based on the Ailee video above), and reveal basically nothing of insight.

I hope this blog post has demonstrated to you how MR removed gadgetry doesn't actually do the job it's supposed to.  Having said all that, even if it did work, you'd still be an idiot to evaluate someone's vocals that way, for one very obvious reason - why should the way you are not hearing the performance in a live setting take primacy over they way you are hearing the performance in a live setting?  Or to put it another way, if a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around to hear it, are you a cunt for wanting to know the frequency of the sound it made when it fell over and killed a bunch of animals fucking?

Lee Yeon Hee For The North Face

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It's Chuseok, so nothing is really happening this week in Korea, unless you want to hear something retarded about Clara yet again. If Clara didn't have nice tits, she'd be a lot more annoying than Dara when it comes to attention whoring. So instead, enjoy this LYH video.

Boram Is The Best Rapper

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Normally the news regarding a video like this is "Eunjunf," "Cyclops is shooting her beams at my penis and making it stiffer," "Qri doesn't care," "Hyomin makes bestiality tempting," or "Soyeon looks like her pre-"'I-fucked-my-face-up' self," the biggest story is that Boram is now the rapper. She has all of the street credibility from distributing weed (to GD) to smoking the shit herself. Now T-ara's biggest thug is the rapper. With Hwadog out of the way, Boram is on her way to becoming a Korean rap legend.

Plagiarism – a primer for k-pop fans and netizen dummies

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This blog was inspired by the latest controversy surrounding that dastardly devil-may-care trouble-magnet IU.

FISTy

I'm sure getting some blog value out of IU lately.  If I ever meet her I'll have to offer to go down on her.  I owe her that much.  I won't even ask for a handjob in return (although I admit I'm also considering where that hand has been).

So, the latest allegation concerning the "Nation's Little Troublemaker" is that IU's "The Red Shoes" rips off part of Nekta's "Here's Us".  Here's the video that's circulating:


When I saw this video I thought "I wonder if netizens will just brush this off, or wade into this issue with absolutely no knowledge and make themselves look utterly stupid and uneducated".  Then ten seconds later I thought to myself "what am I thinking - it's Korean netizens we're talking about here, OF COURSE they will just wade in and look stupid!".  Sure enough, they've all got an opinion, and as usual, it's the most cynical and least informed opinion that they could possibly have.  My favourite comment:

fisty3

I love this comment because this is a straight-up admission that netizens really are heavily stroking themselves off over some witch-trials bullshit, and that popular opinion actually matters more to them than facts and truth, which is everything that's wrong with netizen culture the world over.  No, you fucking douchebag - plagiarism, just like murder, theft and arson actually has to be proven in a court of law.  Also, kill yourself, but make sure you buy a machine gun and lots of bullets so you can take the 1257 people who upvoted you along for the ride before you turn the gun on yourself.

Of course LOEN released an official statement about it:

A portion of the melody for 'Here's Us' and the melody of the second measure [B part] in 'The Red Shoes' sound similar but the chord progression of the two songs are totally different."

"'The Red Shoes' uses a B-flat minor scale chord progression with a B-flat minor-bm7-cm7-cm6-f7sus4-f7 but 'Here's Us' uses a dominant scale chord progression of B-flat major. Also, the chorus and first measure [A part], the song's latter-half bridge part, as well as the overall melody, composition, and instrumental arrangement reveal it to be a totally different song."

...but gosh netizens were having none of that:

fisty2

Now, since I generate most of my music-related income these days by being a music teacher, and seeing as how a lack of education about music terminology seems to be the underlying issue preventing any sensible dialogue, I feel like it's time for me to step in and bring some sanity and knowledge into this debate.

Firstly, it's interesting that this topic comes up NOW.  Nobody raked IU over the coals back in 2012 when she released "Sea Of Moonlight" with Fiestar, a song that blatantly rips off (and in my opinion vastly improves on) Swedish pop group A-Ha's 1980's hit "Take On Me":


Oh but netizens turned a blind eye to that, because they loved her back then because she still had the "Nation's Little Sister" image and hadn't rimmed Eunhyuk's asshole accidentally uploaded a picture of her and some guy on Twitter yet, so everything she did was golden.  Now things are different - IU has emerged as a threat to the crushes of stupid fangirls, so they will reach for whatever is convenient to take that oppar-stealer down a peg, no matter how factually incorrect.

Now here's where this blog is going to get a little bit technical.

LOEN's statement about the chord structure of the two songs, while technically correct, is actually a little bit cheeky.  Chord progressions can't be copyrighted, so they can't be plagiarised by definition.  There's a reason for this -  most songs use the same chords all the time.  There's thousands of possibilities of chords, but there's really only a few combinations that people actually like to hear, so they tend to get recycled all the time.  Watch comedy troupe Axis Of Awesome demonstrate this perfectly with the common pop music progression I-V-vi-IV:


Let's not get on our high horse about how unsurprised we are that pop music is super-generic though, because this isn't just common to pop music.  Blues music recycles the same chords so damn often that they even have a special term for it - the "12-bar blues". which any blues or rock guitarist should be familiar with and which refers to a progression of I-IV-I-V-IV-I.  The majority of blues songs use this progression (or a very slight variation) exclusively.  Jazz music favours slightly more complex chord structures but is equally guilty of recycling the same chord progressions all the time.  Classical music isn't exempt either - the same types of progressions are stunningly common and music of the classical period follows some fairly strict pseudo-mathematical rules.

Another thing that can't be copyrighted is rhythms.  Just like chords, there are only a few rhythm combinations that sound good to the western ear and that people actually like to hear.  Even in very rhythm-centric music styles like heavy metal, where you might expect a lot of variety, the same rhythm forms are actually recycled all the time with only minor variations:


What however CAN be copyrighted is melodies.  If hypothetically Nekta were going to sue IU, for the charge to stick, the style of the song is irrelevant.  So they're both "swing" songs, well, so fucking what, there's plenty of swing songs.  The chords used doesn't matter either, the drumbeat, the type of backings... none of that matters.  What needs to be proven is that the same melody is used for a "reasonable portion" of the song - a reasonable portion is not a timeframe legally set in stone but we're talking a fair bit of time here, more than just a few seconds.  So, are they the same?

No they're fucking not.

Since I know nobody will believe me unless I go into some form of detail, I took the liberty of transcribing the melody as both singers sing it, so you can see the differences visually.
 
iuiuiuiu2

IU's part is on lines 1 and 3, Nekta's part is on lines 2 and 4.  Since I'm not going to assume that any of you can read music, I'm going to break down all the differences:

1.  Nekta adds a lead-in note before the start of the bar (also known as an anacrusis) in the first and third vocal phrase.  IU adds one only on the second vocal phrase.

2.  IU raises the pitch of the third vocal phrase up by one semitone, to F#, whereas Nekta stays on F.

3.  IU oscillates between E and F in the first two phrases with very accurate pitching (possibly Autotune-assisted but we don't know this for sure), while Nekta has more of a talking kind of delivery and just stays on F with a bit of natural pitch bend.

4.  IU moves a high Bb into the beginning of the second phrase, Nekta does this at the start of the third phrase instead.

5.  The melody in the fourth phrases is different, Nekta hits four distinct notes whereas IU hits three.  Nekta also starts on the low Bb before climbing up and then down, whereas IU starts on the highest note of the phrase, the F, and plateaus there for longer before moving to the other notes.

Then you've got to add the effect of the backings.  Even though chords in themselves can't be copyrighted, the effect of chords and basslines underneath a melody does change the way you hear a melody, and the chords and bass in the two songs are substantially different.  Think of a plane flying in a straight line at 1000ft.  Now, if the ground under the plane rises 500ft because there is a hill or something, is the plane still cruising at 1000ft above ground even though it's still going straight?  No.  Even though the plane (melody) hasn't changed what it's doing, it is perceived as relatively "lower" because the ground (bass and chords) underneath it has risen.  IU's harmony has a rising structure, Nekta's is more flat.

That's why netizens are wrong and why IU's songwriters will not have any legal problems with this.  It's also why they were able to get away with "Sea Of Moonlight" being similar to "Take On Me" - the melodies are substantially different.  Is it similar to the other song?  Yes, of course - but it doesn't matterYou can use the same textures, rhythms and concepts all you want - if the melody is different, it's a different song, and that's all there is to it.  Otherwise Black Sabbath could sue pretty much every single heavy metal band that ever existed between 1970 and 1984, and John Lee Hooker could have sued about three generations worth of blues guitarists.

If you didn't understand all that technical shit, remember this: for a song to be considered as plagiarised, it doesn't have to sound the same, it has to actually be the same, to a very substantial extent.  These are two fairly different things, especially when accounting for all the different ways that different people hear music.  Someone vocally trained would have easily noticed the differences between the two vocal lines without me having to break it down, but to a layperson it might just indeed sound exactly the same.  Just like two different chocolates might taste the same to someone who has never tasted chocolate before but might actually be pretty fuckin' different.

I hope this wasn't too boring for you.  Here's your reward for sitting through this.


I like how that left hand just keeps moving after she gets busted jerking off the guy who is just out of frame.  She doesn't even care that the camera is there.  Can you believe she was going to be in T-ara?  That would have accelerated the fapworthiness of that group into the fuckin' stratosphere.

Fuck Korean Celebrities Who Don't Reply To Me!

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SHINee MInho’s cousin’s is on my friends list facebook and he’s not even talking to me. SM Town’s performance manager, Jaewon from beat burger is not talkin to me either. I tried to talk to f(x) Amber and f(x) Krystal and Amber’s sister, Jackie, they still never reply my messages. I know they’re not busy. I tried to talk to Peniel’s sister on instagram and twitter and tried to talk to Yesung’s brother, Jongjin, they never reply my messages either. its not fair for me to see other fans talkin to them. the girls from sweet revenge i added on facebook, never reply my messages either. this is so ridiculous. its only going to take 5 seconds to reply me messages and start a conversation. that’s not fair to for Korean companies to tell their artists not to interact and talk to fans in person or online. that’s illegal. the korean celebrities can talk to whoever they want. how do I get them to reply my messages and start a conversation with me? I’m tired of sitting on my couch and surfin the internet looking at people creating posts about talking to Korean  celebrities. its makes me jealous. I don’t care if they’re celebrities, I can still be friends with them and invite them over to hang out. They can still have time to talk to me online or in person when they’re busy. I would have long conversations with them and give them my kakaotalk id and twitter id too.
The delusional bar has been set to new heights. It is now illegal for Korean entertainment companies to direct their artists on how to use social media. Oh My God, I don't know if I'll be able to make it through this post in tact. Shit is too hilarious.

This girl feels entitled for every celebrity that she messages to message her back. Think of how bombarded the popular celebrities' social media accounts are. It would be a day job to reply to everyone, if it was even possible, since once a few fans noticed that Celebrity A was replying to people, more and more people would message Celebrity A.

Hell, I'm a Z-list "celebrity" on the Internet who runs a small Kpop blog and I still get a lot of questions, emails, tweets that I can't keep up with, so I couldn't imagine what someone who is actually important 'Contact" feed looks like in Twitter. Yet, this fangirl expects oppa to reply to her. Good luck with that shit.

Oh, and why would you want to be friends with a celebrity? You only know their public persona. These UCAADs have an image that they want to portray. Plus, it would be a pain in the ass to even try to hang out with a celebrity since you have to worry about fucking sasaeng fans. No thanks.

Fangirl, I suggest that you learn some Korean and increase your odds of getting a reply back from oppa by .0000000324%.

Getting Trolled By CFs

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Have you ever watched a CF and enjoyed it before the CF trolled the living shit out of you? Well, it happened to me just before I wrote this article. I liked the commercial until they had to show the God damn pad.

[MV Review] Trouble Maker - "There Is No Tomorrow (Now)"

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Hyuna and Hyunseung are back, and they're nothing but trouble.






After two long years, Trouble Maker finally came back with a new release, "There Is No Tomorrow (Now)." The song, about a passionate couple with an uncertain future, is enjoyable. It's not as catchy as the group's debut, "Trouble Maker," but it's a decent listen.

Let's be honest, though: The song really isn't important here. As with most post-Wonder Girls Hyuna releases, it's all about the visuals. Trouble Maker in particular exists as an excuse to show this:


This groping-in-the-car scene is integral to the meaning of the song.


With that in mind, let's talk about the video. In this department, "Now" exceeds expectations. After seeing the teasers, I was hoping for something skanky and fun. And how, it delivered. I mean, it's Hyuna in a dirty trailer, for goodness sakes.


Genius


Behind all the sex and skank, though, is (something that could almost pass for) a story. A story about love. The song depicts the volatile relationship of two troubled souls, played by Hyuna and Hyunseung (duh). It's got that whole doomed union thing going on. Hyuna and Hyunseung aren't meant to be.


Maybe she just isn't his type.


The video opens with Hyunseung in bed with his gun, his white girls, and his pile of money. He drinks. He smokes. He sleeps around. I'm sure he doesn't floss, either.

Enter Hyuna: She drinks. She dresses provocatively alone at the club. She defaces property.


Vandalize me, scandalize me


Being in such a sexy and exhilarating shitty relationship, the two, naturally, turn to destructive pastimes as means of escape. Hyunseung shoves his hoes off the bed; Hyuna cries in her pile of unopened Budweisers.


I don't want to say this music video was sponsored by Anheuser-Busch,
but I kind of think this music video was sponsored by 
Anheuser-Busch.


The couple bounces between extremes. One minute, they're steaming up the windows in their love nest, the next, they're getting into an actual physical fight.


I couldn't make this into a gif, so just imagine how the shoving went.
You've all been shoved before, right?


As the story progresses and the couple falls more apart, so too does the video. We're treated to this odd scene of Hyunseung having visions of himself as Joker in the bathroom.




There's also this nonsensical scene with the duo dancing while two racecars drive around them.


Deep revelation about the couple's circle of abuse
or an excuse to show cool cars?



In the end, nothing's really resolved, but again, that doesn't matter. What we all should take away from the viewing experience is this:


Hyuna pulls off Trailer Trash Chic beautifully.



BOTTOM LINE: The song is aight. The video is delicious.



Is Haeryung North Korean? (BESTie Dance Video)

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I CALLED IT! I remember writing an article where I wrote that entertainment companies would start picking up North Koreans who try to escape the country and putting them in Kpop groups. So, why do I think Haeryung is North Korean? One is the myth that North Korean women > South Korean women (obviously this myth predates plastic surgery, photoshop and professional makeup for entertainers). The second one is from all of the comments in the video and allkpop article: Haeryung's legs are too skinny. If Korean netizens can make up shit based on less evidence, well, I may as well write a doctoral dissertation on proving that Haeryung is North Korean.

When I stumbled upon watching this video, I thought most of the comments would be about how hot they are. There are still plenty of those comments, but there are quite a few comments about how Haeryung's legs are too skinny. Too skinny to who?

Yes, yes, in before someone brings up all of the Sooyoung and Boram leg articles. I believe those articles still withstand because they were written at a time when both of them lost too much weight, especially Boram. Boram looked like she was going to become the Skeletor of Kpop at the rate she was losing weight. Sooyoung has skinny legs, but there have been times where they have lost what volume they had and looked like all bones. On a normal day, Sooyoung's legs look fine. With Haeryung's legs, again, I see nothing inherently wrong. She simply lacks any muscle mass in her legs. Sure, Kim Jong Un may have eaten all of her food while she was still in North Korea, but this doesn't look like Boram's case.

Maybe all of the concern trolls want Haeryung to meet up with Rick Ross so that they both can eat some fried chicken together.

I don't know. I remember when it was the "in" thing to make fun of fat people. But since everyone in America is fucking fat now, it's the cool thing to make fun of skinny people. Things were so much easier when we just made fun of Shindong's fat ass, but now skinny people who have no problems have become the targets.

Is Lee Yeon Hee From North Korea?

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Here we go again. Go order up a pizza or unwrap that package of Twinkies as we shove food down our fat necks in today's second installment of "Is she from North Korea?!"




In the scenes where Yeon Hee is wearing a tank top, you can see she's not as flat as a board as this fangirl is suggesting.

This just goes to show how hypocritical people can be when they try to promote equality and ending (cyber) bullying. So it's not okay to make fun of our friends such as Shindong, who is a UCiFF (Upstanding Citizen who is a Fat Fuck), anymore. Now the trend is to go from fat shaming to skinny shaming. There are theories out there that Asians have better carbohydrate tolerance, which means that the carbohydrates they eat aren't turned into fat. Sure, sounds plausible, but I don't know the first thing about nutrition. My take is that one) they're all kung fu masters, meaning that they're going to be leaner, two) the Asian diet isn't centered around Diet Coke and McDonald's, and three) Asians don't sit on their ass all day. Source: I don't need one, since Korean netizens make shit up all the time, and due to me being half Korean, I'm allowed to make shit up, too.

So, now that we have established that the way Asians metabolize carbohydrates are different from the typical fat American, now we have to delve into fat American fangirls hating on skinnier Asian females. Since these fat fangirls tend to be liberal, there's the common thinking that they should celebrate diversity that exists among everyone. However, they cannot celebrate this diversity because these Asian girls naturally tend to have the bodies that society deems to be the desired body (the being skinny part, not the being 4'11" part). In order to change that desired body type, fat girls have been calling girls too skinny and have been lying about their own bodies, saying that men like "meat" on a girl. It's a self-defense mechanism for fat girls to feel better about their bodies. Skinny shaming has become a common practice for fat chicks. That is why you will see people say "So and so is too skinny, therefore she has no tits and no ass." People try to project their 'perfect' American body that 90% of females don't even have in the first place in order to put down Asian women, who cannot have that type of body because of how their body metabolizes carbohydrates. Even in the past 25 years with Chinese people eating more KFC than the average UCAAD, Chinese girls aren't having UCAAD ass (because UCAAD females are usually all ass and no tits). Even with Chinese people slowly adapting a more American diet by eating ungodly amounts of KFC, because of rules one and three listed above, they can't have a fat body like the typical American.

In essence, stop telling people to quit 'fat shaming' while continuing to 'skinny shame' Asian females.





If this were reality for me, I wouldn't be complaining.

Notes:
1. I know UCiFF isn't hyper-politically correct enough for fat people. That term is a work in progress.
2. I believe Asians do tolerate carbohydrates better than other races, but I couldn't find concrete proof in the 30 seconds I spent searching for the information. This isn't something to take seriously, so I didn't put much effort into finding out the actual science.
3. Stereotypes are fun when they aren't taken seriously. Seriously, do not take the stereotypes of all Asians being kung fu masters, all Americans having their diets consist of Diet Coke and McDonald's, or that all black females bodies can be stereotyped to being all ass and no tits seriously. Though I'm sure there will be some black Kpop fangirls bitching at me that I made fun of black people again WHILE AT THE SAME TIME BEING COMPLETELY FINE ABOUT ME MAKING FUN OF ASIANS AND WHITES.
4. Lee Yeon Hee is gorgeous and I feel that it's ludicrous that I had to write this article, but I hope the last two minute video made it worth it for all of the straight males and lesbians.

Does it make me gay if I'm constantly fapping to EXO (i'm a guy!) I mean I like their music and everything but I also fanboy all over them except instead of fanboying i wish it was my jizz

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It'd be cool if this was a troll but I'm not sure if your average AKP user is that intelligent.

Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with liking a male group or singer nor is there anything wrong with being gay. Hell, one of my favorite groups is/was Simon D/ Supreme Team but there's that fine line where it goes from simply enjoying the music to wanting to stick your dick in someone's boypussy. Sometimes it can be difficult to spot that line, other times well, it's pretty fucking blatant.

Something's amiss.

I mean this guy is completely normal... Just a normal guy doing normal things...




As opposed to?

Well luckily for this poster AKP is the perfect place to seek help with your conflicted feelings, full of well
grounded people.


I use this same rational when discussing politics.

I just hope this guy can come to grips with his latent homosexuality before it's too late.

IU's Elle Pictorial Reveals Her Cute Butt

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Those of you pining for UCAAD ass, your wishes are granted after the jump.




FX Girl Park So Yu

Livestream Feedback

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This is for the UCAADs that watch the livestreams. I'm trying to find out what could be improved when doing these livestreams.

1. Length. Are they too long or too short? I try to keep them an hour to an hour and a half long, mainly because I tend to do these weekly (for the rest of 2013 at least), so there isn't enough material to make these really long like my first livestream, where it was three hours, plus the dualstream with Zaku.

2. Time. I usually do these at 8 PM EST on Friday or Saturday nights, as they usually equate to being Saturday and Sunday morning for those of you who live on the other side of the world. Are there any other additional times that would work. For my personal schedule, I can't do any in the morning, where it would be night time for the viewers on the other side of the world. I could do livestreams during the week, but they would be at the same time, mainly because that's when I get home from school every day Monday-Thursday. Then again, I don't know if anyone would actually want to watch a livestream during those four days and half of the people would be fucked, as they live on the other side of the world and have school or work during that time. I was thinking that I could also do a one hour stream at 2 PM EST on Saturday or Sunday, which wouldn't work for those of you living in Asia, Australia, New Zealand, etc., but could work for Americans/Canadians and Europeans.

3. Content/Structure. So far, almost all of the streams have been Q&A. We (the livestreamers) generally wait on questions to be asked while also talking about the stories that happened during the week in between. I was thinking of having several topics to talk about and discuss them with the viewers. For example, we could discuss certain news issues, music videos, controversies, etc. in depth and have that as the topic for 10-15 minutes before moving onto something else. If this were the case, the streams would probably be shortened to one hour so that there isn't much dead time at the end of the stream.

4. "I want to see Shinbi strip." Well, I can't help you there. I have asked Shinbi if she's interested in doing livestreams, but she's too busy with school at the moment to do anything more than her Shinbot articles.

5. Other streamers. I know how it can be repetitive to just have me livestreaming with Kpopalypse doing his thing once every one-to-two months, but there's really nothing else we can do about it. Ahjussi tends to livestream after I'm done and Zaku, the UCAAD who started all of this, hasn't livestreamed in months. If some readers want to volunteer and pick a day to stream, that would be welcome.

6. Any other suggestions can be left in the comments section.

Saturday Shitfest #22

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I need an EXID comeback sometime in my lifetime so that EXID finally stops performing the same two songs over and over.
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