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Haeryung is awesome
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Go fuck your MAMAs.
So [someone] won [some award or whatever] at the MAMA awards and here's how I feel about it.
![give_a_fuck]()
"Hang on though..." I hear you ask - "as a musician and someone in the world of music, shouldn't you care about 'one of the most important events in the South Korea music industry'?".
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"But isn't MAMA terribly important?"
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Yeah well how about we look at how music awards are regarded in other parts of the world to get some perspective on this.
In the west the Grammys are supposedly the most important music award going, and nobody in the business with any brains really gives a fuck about that, either. Maybe it's because the Grammys have a reputation for having no fucking idea about anything regarding music, which one would think might be kind of important for a music award, but even more so it's because it's very obviously an industry circle-jerk.
Public Enemy even saw the irrelevance of the Grammys before they were nominated for it three times in a row and lost out to the likes of one-hit wonders Young MC and Fresh Prince. They knew that the Grammys would be listening to "It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back" (how could they not - arguably the most musically important album of the 1980s) but wouldn't dare give them an award for something so musically left-field so they took the time to tell them to get fucked in advance:
Relevant part at 1:03 - there's nothing like foresight.
"Oh, but there are other awards - what about the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame, that's important, right?"
Look around at any western music award ceremony and for every deliriously naive winner and every douchenozzle who is butthurt that them or their fave lost, there's a whole legion of other people who are simply smart enough to realise that it's all bullshit.
![bull]()
So why do k-pop fans care so fucking much?
![crm]()
If half the people who are actually winning these awards can't even bring themselves to give a fuck, why do you?
Of course, I realise that's not what it looks like to a k-pop fan. K-pop awards are always full of polite acceptance speeches and extreme gratefulness because these young men and women who perform are company employees trained in PR and non-boat-rocking behaviour, but behind it all, it's just another day with a dozen things to do and two hours of sleep. It doesn't mean a lot except to the exceptionallystupid.
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By all means watch the MAMAs or whatever other award shows you want for the drunken frolics and (often lip-synced) performances... but caring about who wins is some serious over-investment of your emotions. You could be using that time and effort for something meaningful, like acquiring illegal drugs, or getting into car accidents, or changing the world with mindblowing insights into gender politics. Don't waste your energy, kids.
"Hang on though..." I hear you ask - "as a musician and someone in the world of music, shouldn't you care about 'one of the most important events in the South Korea music industry'?".
"But isn't MAMA terribly important?"
Yeah well how about we look at how music awards are regarded in other parts of the world to get some perspective on this.
In the west the Grammys are supposedly the most important music award going, and nobody in the business with any brains really gives a fuck about that, either. Maybe it's because the Grammys have a reputation for having no fucking idea about anything regarding music, which one would think might be kind of important for a music award, but even more so it's because it's very obviously an industry circle-jerk.
I think the Grammys are nothing more than some gigantic promotional machine for the music industry. They cater to a low intellect and they feed the masses. They don't honor the arts or the artist for what he created. It's the music business celebrating itself. That's basically what it's all about. - Maynard Keenan (Tool), NY Rock Interview
Corpo-wisdom dictates that if any one guy sells thirty million records, when the kids come into the store to buy The Big Hit, they'll also pick up something else. This is called a "traffic-builder". Ever wonder why every year at the Grammys one guy sweeps up all the awards? - Frank Zappa, from The Real Frank Zappa BookThe awards aren't about you, the music fan, or about what music is the best. They're about the industry patting themselves on the back and going "gosh, didn't we do well this year?". Check out Eddie Vedder's complete IDGAF attitude when his group Pearl Jam won a Grammy here:
Public Enemy even saw the irrelevance of the Grammys before they were nominated for it three times in a row and lost out to the likes of one-hit wonders Young MC and Fresh Prince. They knew that the Grammys would be listening to "It Takes A Nation Of Millions To Hold Us Back" (how could they not - arguably the most musically important album of the 1980s) but wouldn't dare give them an award for something so musically left-field so they took the time to tell them to get fucked in advance:
Relevant part at 1:03 - there's nothing like foresight.
"Oh, but there are other awards - what about the Rock and Roll Hall Of Fame, that's important, right?"
Look around at any western music award ceremony and for every deliriously naive winner and every douchenozzle who is butthurt that them or their fave lost, there's a whole legion of other people who are simply smart enough to realise that it's all bullshit.
So why do k-pop fans care so fucking much?
If half the people who are actually winning these awards can't even bring themselves to give a fuck, why do you?
Of course, I realise that's not what it looks like to a k-pop fan. K-pop awards are always full of polite acceptance speeches and extreme gratefulness because these young men and women who perform are company employees trained in PR and non-boat-rocking behaviour, but behind it all, it's just another day with a dozen things to do and two hours of sleep. It doesn't mean a lot except to the exceptionallystupid.
By all means watch the MAMAs or whatever other award shows you want for the drunken frolics and (often lip-synced) performances... but caring about who wins is some serious over-investment of your emotions. You could be using that time and effort for something meaningful, like acquiring illegal drugs, or getting into car accidents, or changing the world with mindblowing insights into gender politics. Don't waste your energy, kids.
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Saturday Shitfest #25
Han Hye Jin is hot.
Livestream tonight, nothing really planned as I didn't watch MAMA, so it'll be like last week's stream.
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Teddy is the luckiest mother fucker alive
So I was trying to write an article but I couldn't find anything I wanted to write about. I went to Naver to see if there were any news about Han Ye Seul's upcoming drama (she's rumored to star in Shooting Star, which would air in March 2014), but no, I found out that she's dating Teddy. Yes, Teddy, the UCAAD who has canally raped me for years. (Canal rape is rape of the ear canals).
I'm going to need something like an evoker after seeing people on Twitter laughing at me.
I'm going to need something like an evoker after seeing people on Twitter laughing at me.
I feel like I have to do that to someone.
Looking on Twitter, YG fangirls are saying poor CL. What the fuck? You expect Teddy to go after a shark girl like CL over Han Ye Seul? What kind of fucking logic is that? I see EXO fans saying poor Kai. Fuck Kai! "Poor AKF" is more like it.
Fuck life. It always finds a way to kick you in the nuts.
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T-ara To Come Back With An Anime Concept
You wouldn't be able to tell just from Jiyeon's teaser because the teaser pic is just Jiyeon crying. Is she crying because Kim Kwang Soo tried sticking it in her butt after how hot she was in Number Nine? Was it because of how hot Hyomin looked, but knowing that full well Eunjung has Hyomin's vag on lockdown, all she could do was produce a tear?
Next, Eunjung comes out with a teaser picture making her look like one of the main characters from Fantastic Children.
Next up was Hyomin with pink hair, looking like every female anime character with pink hair ever.
I want Hyomin to bully my penis. Let's just hope that she's not a bully like Lucy from Elfen Lied.
I wouldn't want Hyomin slicing my dick off.
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All of a Sudden, Go Ara is a Great Actress
As a fangirl would say, "you can't deny" that Go Ara makes your pants tighter. However, she has always been shitted on by netizens for her acting. While she doesn't receive as much shit as Suzy, Lee Yeon Hee, Kim Tae Hee, Yoona, or [insert idol here], Go Ara has had heaps of shit flung at her.
Now, because of Reply 1994, which I'm extremely behind on, netizens love Go Ara, via NetizenBuzz.
1. [+493, -35] Being under SM was a detriment to her car. Because of SM being known for their crappy acting, she was stereotyped and buried under that. She worked hard on a lot of different projects but never got any recognition for them.. I hope she gets popular through this opportunity.Now, let's see what they were saying just months ago when it was announced Go Ara was added to the cast of Reply 1994. Or how about in just an article stating that she's tri-lingual?
2. [+394, -30] Really, it was through this drama that I saw her in a new light;; She's so good at acting and she's not even playing the stereotypical female lead where all you have to do is sit around in luxury brands and look pretty...... She's pretty just as she is.
3. [+355, -28] I think it's that she was always a good actress, just that she never landed the right project
4. [+47, -5] She's a hundred times better than labelmate Lee Yeon Hee, I really don't know why she hasn't received her shining moment until now
5. [+28, -4] I remember reading a movie director talk about Go Ara and he said that despite her pretty looks, she'll do whatever you tell her to and that she was bound for success.
6. [+27, -4] As someone who never missed an episode of 'Banollim' and 'Banollim 2', I can see similarities between 'Najung' and 'Oklim'... I think that's why Go Ara hasn't been able to receive attention since 'Oklim' until she landed 'Najung' again. I'm worried that she's going to enter into another slump after this drama or that she'll never be able to escape the 'Najung' character image for the next decade. I personally wish her the best.
7. [+12, -2] The careers of actors are decided 60~70% by the projects they choose. The remaining 30~40% is their acting talent. The actors who choose the right projects have longer running careers than actors who are simply good at acting.
8. [+11, -4] She never lucked out on her projects
Basically, the comments were "The bitch fucking sucks."
In short, the two lessons that were learned are the following: a) the projects one choose are more important than "acting ability" and b) don't hate on hot girls out of petty jealousy as you'll probably end up stanning her down the road.
For example, I always find writing and directing to be much more important than the acting ability of each individual actor. The writing and directing are the foundation of the work. So that is why I can't watch Game of Thrones, because I don't want to watch a show about gay wieners.
In the end, I find this hilarious. I am always called out for being misogynist and sexist, but I'm the one "fighting" for the rights of actresses. I've been fighting for female shower scenes for years now. It's somehow alright to endlessly bash actresses for lack of "acting ability", but definitely alright to fawn over men who can't act (roughly 70% of the content on Dramabeans.) I just want my rights, too. If it's okay for fangirls to fawn over oppa even though he isn't the best actor, I want it to be okay to fawn over actresses, even if every vagina-possessing-human being hates them.
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Let's Cyber Bully Kim Eun Joo
Via NetizenBuzz. It's the cool thing to do! Let's add fuel to the fire because we're morally better for bullying behind a computer screen!
Oh, look at how far apart her eyes are! And she doesn't have double eyelids! She doesn't have a straight nose! YEAH! LET'S CYBER BULLY THE BITCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11111111
I have yet to see any concrete proof that she was/is a bully. I have a hard time believing written accounts on such matters when it comes to issues like this because people will make shit up just to see someone go down in flames. People will believe anything that they want to, even if it may not be reality. People thought they were going to keep their insurance if they liked it. Shit didn't work out, did it?
Anyway, cyber bullying doesn't put on a higher moral ground. An asshole is an asshole, regardless of how they bully.
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Lee Yeon Hee Looking Jjangbak As Fuck For Miss Korea
Korean netizens are ready to hate on this drama already just because Lee Yeon Hee is in it, but that just gives me yet another reason to watch it.
I'm iku-ing already, man.
Speaking of Yeon Hee, her movie, Marriage Blues, is #1 in the box office. Sure shows how dumb this netizen sounded, "1. [+473, -54] I can already see this movie failing before my eyes. How can the director be so cruel as to cast them ㅋㅋ Doesn't he feel apologetic at all to the investors ㅋㅋ"
Yeon Hee completes my life when it comes to Korean netizens. Sure, she's super hot and everything, but all of this shit constantly surrounding her just gives me more to work with.
Maybe SM should have put her in SNSD instead.
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What Are You Thankful For?
It's Thanksgiving in the
For me, it's for Han Ji Min being flawless
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Okay, so I'll do another blog about plagiarism, sampling and genre similarity as long as you all promise to STFU about it.
Ever since I wrote a blog recently about IU's plagairism accusations and melodic plagiarism in general, I've been bombarded with people asking the following:
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I've been reluctant to dive into answering this question, simply because I don't want to be "that guy" who people run to whenever there's a new plagiarism case to ask what I think. The whole point of my last blog was to hopefully get people to realise that similarity in music is a completely normal thing across all music styles and genres and to stop fucking obsessing over it, and of course plenty of people completely missed that point and instead used the post as a tool to obsess about the issue and picked things apart even more - which was exactly the opposite to what I intended. Yay me.
![facepalm]()
It's really amusing to me that any of this comes up as a hot issue for k-pop fans at all, given that the entire genre of k-pop itself is a complete carbon copy of western pop. If there's one bunch of music fans who should be completely fine about hearing things sounding like other things, you'd think k-pop fans should be it. Yet the questions persist, so as usual I'm not going to just answer this question specifically, but I'm going to take a look at the much broader issue of what constitutes a musical theft, in the (probably vain) hope that you never feel the need to ask me or anybody else about this shit ever again, because you will totally understand it. So here we go.
At first listen, they don't sound much like each other at all. Different genres for a start. Then you realise when the backing starts to kick in that it's the same chords and the rhythm kind of sounds the same once you remove that heavy beat that Primary has added. Hmmm... plagiarism? Well, if we're going to decide if something is plagiarism, first we need to know what that is, legally speaking. I did talk about this before in the other blog post about IU and Nekta but I only really focused on the melodic plagiarism aspect that was relevant to that specific case, and not some of the other aspects. I'll try to keep this simple and free of jargon so an 8-year old Super Junior fan can follow it... and remember, I'm only writing this shit because y'all begged me to. Be careful what you wish for, hey kids.
![sfsf copy]()
Okay so: all musical works are copyright to the person who wrote them, by default (although to prove your copyright in a court of law, you need your musical work to be in some kind of physical form such as sheet music or a recording). Copyrights can be sold or transferred, they can be borrowed or donated, and they can also be stolen. Plagiarism therefore refers to someone "stealing your copyright" and passing off your work as their own, and/or using your work without your permission.
Key points:
* It's not plagiarism if the person using your work actually has permission, or has purchased the rights to the song from whoever owns those rights.
Example: Girls' Generation - Dancing Queen - vs - Duffy - Mercy
...in fact it's exactly the same song, with different words, but it doesn't fucking matter because SM credited the original and also got permission so it's all good. To be honest, that's a hell of a lot more trouble than most people go to when they cover other people's material - more obscure artists will still usually credit the original but not bother to actually seek permission, instead they'll just do their own version of the song anyway and hope nobody notices. Know that the original rights holder can actually shut them down legally and prevent this if they choose, it's rare but it does happen, because an original songwriter would receive royalties if the cover becomes a hit and they are credited, so they're usually happy to let things slide - but not always. Obviously a group as high profile as Girls' Generation can't get away with that shit so they go the ultra-legal route and cross their t's and dot their i's before releasing anything - and that's the reason why Girls' Generation's version of this song took five years to come out.
* It's not plagiarism if you don't even own the fucking original in the first place.
Example: Girls' Generation - Run Devil Run - vs - Ke$ha - Run Devil Run
Ke$ha was pitched this song originally by songwriters/producers Alex James, Busbee, and Kalle Engström, she recorded a demo of it (linked) but decided that it didn't suit her style and not to go ahead with an official release. Later, this song was sold to SM Entertainment who obviously felt that it suited Girls' Generation just fine.
* It's not plagiarism if the work isn't actually your own work, but is a "soundalike".
A few examples off the top of my head - this list could easy be ten times as long if I'd bothered to put actual effort in:
Ailee - I'll Show You - sounds like - Pussycat Dolls - Hush Hush
Co-Ed School - Bbiribbom Bberibbom - sounds like - Lady Gaga - Telephone
Co-Ed School - Too Late - sounds like - Britney Spears - If You Seek Amy
F-ve Dolls - Soulmate #1 - sounds like - Lipps Inc. - Funky Town
FTIsland - The Angel And The Woodman - sounds like - Jason Mraz - Live High
Girl's Day - Female President - sounds like - Little Mix - Wings
IU - The Red Shoes - sounds like - Nekta - Here's Us
IU & Fiestar - Sea of Moonlight - sounds like - a-ha - Take On Me
Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines - sounds like - Marvin Gaye - Got To Give It Up
Secret - Poison - sounds like - Beyonce - Crazy In Love
Spica - I'll Be There - sounds like - Spice Girls - Wannabe
T-ara - Cry Cry - sounds like - Britney Spears - Oops! I Did It Again
T-ara - Day By Day - sounds like - Britney Spears - Criminal
CL - The Baddest Female - sounds like - EveryShitNu-SchoolRapSongEver
(I threw Thicke in that list even thought it's not k-pop because people have been asking me a ton about that issue, too (not sure why, I mean, I'm "Kpopalypse" not "Funk/Soulpocalypse" but hey whatever). Marvin Gaye's family has hilariously taken Thicke to court over the similarities between the two songs, which just tell me that they also could use a read of this blog.)
All of these above examples fall into the spectrum of what we call "genre-based similarity". Songs of the same genre have a tendency to sound the same, simply because similarities between genres are what defines those genres in the first instance. Some genres have such a regimented form that it's impossible NOT to create soundalikes - doo-wop is an example of a genre where literally EVERY SINGLE SONG is a soundalike of something else.
Are some of the examples in the list above perhaps a bit cheeky and borderline? Hell yeah. IU & Fiestar not only cop the same chord progression as a-ha, but they even use the same song structure and keyboard patch! It's obviously more than chance - the producers clearly listened to "Take On Me" and said "okay guys - let's do something that sounds like that". However, it's not illegal to do that, as long as you don't exactly copy melodies. The keyboard riff in "Sea Of Moonlight", while certainly close to a-ha's song, isn't exactly the same, and the vocal melodies aren't the same either... so therefore they're not the same song, even though they sure do sound similar. You need, at the very least, exactly (and I mean exactly) the same melody for a reasonable portion of the song, we're talking at least four bars worth of vocals or lead instrument here as a general rule. K-pop producers mostly aren't stupid (a notable exception later) - they know exactly how far they can push it before they've crossed a line, and you can get as upset about it as you want - it's not plagiarism if they know exactly where that line is drawn and you don't.
Another way you can get pinged for plagiarism is the fine art of sampling - taking snatches of other people's songs and incorporating them into your own songs. Sampling is to music a bit like what collage is to visual art. But samples are in everything these days, right? So how do people get away with it?
For a sample to be legally actionable by the original owner of the work, it has to be a "recognisable portion", which is essentially another way of saying "don't get caught". A single guitar strum or a drum is not going to be legally actionable. Chain a few drum hits and guitar strums and the likelihood of legal action increases exponentially. Sampling a snatch of a famous piece of music is the most extreme form of sampling and is a bit like cutting out a picture of a can of a well known soft drink and sticking it in a collage work. Your result may still arguably be creative and original if you're used the existing sample in a new way, like shoving the soft drink bottle up Taeyang's ass in your collage work, but the beverage company is probably still going to try and sue your butt off if your art piece becomes famous and noticeable enough for it to draw the soft drink CEO's attention. It's a "recognisable portion" of their brand and they may not approve of you profiting from their name, or even if you're not making money they still may not approve of the association between their drink and Taeyang's ass.
![tae2]()
(There are limited exceptions to the rule on the grounds of "fair use through education and satire" though, so I'm totally allowed to show you this image to illustrate the concept for educational purposes. Gosh, just as well.)
The same kinds of rules that apply to traditional songwriting plagiarism also apply to sampling:
* It's not plagiarism if the person using the sample got permission and credited you
* It's not plagiarism if you don't own the original, because you signed/gave it away or whatever
* It's not plagiarism if it's not actually your original being sampled but just something that sounds like it
Now that we know what music plagiarism is and is not, let's talk about Primary.
Firstly, the songs don't sound anything like each other, they're not even the same genre. The melodies in Primary's song in the rare cases when they appear aren't even in the same ballpark. The chords are the same - sometimes, but the beat mostly isn't even close and then there's all that 'rap' stuff. So "melodic plagiarism" in the IU/Nekta sense is definitely out of the question.
What about sampling? Did Primary sample and loop Caro Emerald's riff? Well... no. If you listen close it's not the same sound. What Primary has done instead is get someone to play something kind of similar and sample that instead. The differences are obvious if you listen for them. Primary's version has much "brassier" horn parts, presumably a production choice to make the horn riff stand out over the heavy drum-machine beat, whereas Caro Emerald has a much smoother sound to her backing that suits the more mellow rhythm.
This is "soundalike sampling" and it's a common practice in sample-based music that allows people who like working with samples to reappropriate ideas while conveniently side-stepping those icky legal problems. It's not coincidence - Primary would have done this on purpose. It's also not illegal. It's not even all that uncreative - he's definitely reinterpreted Caro's song in a new way. Getting someone else's riff, copying it and then using it in a whole other genre effectively is not something that just anybody can do and get good results with. I mean, listen to how it sounds when people fail:
You can sample the best song in the world but if you suck, the result will still suck.
And I know you people will mention it if I don't bring it up so here's a quick run-through of some of the other allegations re: Primary:
Both clearly a case of "inspired by" and similar rhythms but the melodies aren't really the same so fuck off.
You can't copyright "a bunch of people standing in a room with a curtain looking all retro with washed out colour and fonts and shit" as a concept for fucks' sake. Whoever made this video is a fucking idiot. Metallica might as well copyright the headbang and sue every other metal group with headbanging into their video (in fact I wouldn't put something like that completely past litigation-happy Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich). The first rapper who ever wore gold chains in a video while bikini-clad girls danced in the background could sue every other one too, etc.
Also, there's the ever-so-slightly-important fact that Caro Emerald's producers are actually not all that bothered by any of this. If the person who wrote the original doesn't even have a major problem with it, why should YOU? It's not plagiarism if the other party approves.
So if Primary didn't plagiarise, who did?
La Materialista:
This is what melodic plagiarism actually sounds like. Good luck finding a decent quality version of her initially-uncredited rip-off of 2NE1's "I Am The Best" anywhere on YouTube or anywhere else for that matter because YG shut down this dumb woman's shit faster than you can say "Minzy plagiarised Soyeon's nose idea".
Bahnus (for Lee Hyori):
Same chorus melody, not soundalike, but literally the same - a key point. It also helps that the lyrics are the same - you'd be amazed how much weight lyrical similarity carries in a plagiarism case. Clearly showing legal balls of steel, Lee Hyori's producer Bahnus stole a ton of stuff from various places for the H-Logic album, which suggests that maybe H-Logic is not best logic.
SNSD:
![1479]()
Enough said. Those dirty SNSD bitches. They copied EVERYTHING.
I've been reluctant to dive into answering this question, simply because I don't want to be "that guy" who people run to whenever there's a new plagiarism case to ask what I think. The whole point of my last blog was to hopefully get people to realise that similarity in music is a completely normal thing across all music styles and genres and to stop fucking obsessing over it, and of course plenty of people completely missed that point and instead used the post as a tool to obsess about the issue and picked things apart even more - which was exactly the opposite to what I intended. Yay me.
It's really amusing to me that any of this comes up as a hot issue for k-pop fans at all, given that the entire genre of k-pop itself is a complete carbon copy of western pop. If there's one bunch of music fans who should be completely fine about hearing things sounding like other things, you'd think k-pop fans should be it. Yet the questions persist, so as usual I'm not going to just answer this question specifically, but I'm going to take a look at the much broader issue of what constitutes a musical theft, in the (probably vain) hope that you never feel the need to ask me or anybody else about this shit ever again, because you will totally understand it. So here we go.
At first listen, they don't sound much like each other at all. Different genres for a start. Then you realise when the backing starts to kick in that it's the same chords and the rhythm kind of sounds the same once you remove that heavy beat that Primary has added. Hmmm... plagiarism? Well, if we're going to decide if something is plagiarism, first we need to know what that is, legally speaking. I did talk about this before in the other blog post about IU and Nekta but I only really focused on the melodic plagiarism aspect that was relevant to that specific case, and not some of the other aspects. I'll try to keep this simple and free of jargon so an 8-year old Super Junior fan can follow it... and remember, I'm only writing this shit because y'all begged me to. Be careful what you wish for, hey kids.
Okay so: all musical works are copyright to the person who wrote them, by default (although to prove your copyright in a court of law, you need your musical work to be in some kind of physical form such as sheet music or a recording). Copyrights can be sold or transferred, they can be borrowed or donated, and they can also be stolen. Plagiarism therefore refers to someone "stealing your copyright" and passing off your work as their own, and/or using your work without your permission.
Key points:
* It's not plagiarism if the person using your work actually has permission, or has purchased the rights to the song from whoever owns those rights.
Example: Girls' Generation - Dancing Queen - vs - Duffy - Mercy
...in fact it's exactly the same song, with different words, but it doesn't fucking matter because SM credited the original and also got permission so it's all good. To be honest, that's a hell of a lot more trouble than most people go to when they cover other people's material - more obscure artists will still usually credit the original but not bother to actually seek permission, instead they'll just do their own version of the song anyway and hope nobody notices. Know that the original rights holder can actually shut them down legally and prevent this if they choose, it's rare but it does happen, because an original songwriter would receive royalties if the cover becomes a hit and they are credited, so they're usually happy to let things slide - but not always. Obviously a group as high profile as Girls' Generation can't get away with that shit so they go the ultra-legal route and cross their t's and dot their i's before releasing anything - and that's the reason why Girls' Generation's version of this song took five years to come out.
* It's not plagiarism if you don't even own the fucking original in the first place.
Example: Girls' Generation - Run Devil Run - vs - Ke$ha - Run Devil Run
Ke$ha was pitched this song originally by songwriters/producers Alex James, Busbee, and Kalle Engström, she recorded a demo of it (linked) but decided that it didn't suit her style and not to go ahead with an official release. Later, this song was sold to SM Entertainment who obviously felt that it suited Girls' Generation just fine.
* It's not plagiarism if the work isn't actually your own work, but is a "soundalike".
A few examples off the top of my head - this list could easy be ten times as long if I'd bothered to put actual effort in:
Ailee - I'll Show You - sounds like - Pussycat Dolls - Hush Hush
Co-Ed School - Bbiribbom Bberibbom - sounds like - Lady Gaga - Telephone
Co-Ed School - Too Late - sounds like - Britney Spears - If You Seek Amy
F-ve Dolls - Soulmate #1 - sounds like - Lipps Inc. - Funky Town
FTIsland - The Angel And The Woodman - sounds like - Jason Mraz - Live High
Girl's Day - Female President - sounds like - Little Mix - Wings
IU - The Red Shoes - sounds like - Nekta - Here's Us
IU & Fiestar - Sea of Moonlight - sounds like - a-ha - Take On Me
Robin Thicke - Blurred Lines - sounds like - Marvin Gaye - Got To Give It Up
Secret - Poison - sounds like - Beyonce - Crazy In Love
Spica - I'll Be There - sounds like - Spice Girls - Wannabe
T-ara - Cry Cry - sounds like - Britney Spears - Oops! I Did It Again
T-ara - Day By Day - sounds like - Britney Spears - Criminal
CL - The Baddest Female - sounds like - EveryShitNu-SchoolRapSongEver
(I threw Thicke in that list even thought it's not k-pop because people have been asking me a ton about that issue, too (not sure why, I mean, I'm "Kpopalypse" not "Funk/Soulpocalypse" but hey whatever). Marvin Gaye's family has hilariously taken Thicke to court over the similarities between the two songs, which just tell me that they also could use a read of this blog.)
All of these above examples fall into the spectrum of what we call "genre-based similarity". Songs of the same genre have a tendency to sound the same, simply because similarities between genres are what defines those genres in the first instance. Some genres have such a regimented form that it's impossible NOT to create soundalikes - doo-wop is an example of a genre where literally EVERY SINGLE SONG is a soundalike of something else.
Are some of the examples in the list above perhaps a bit cheeky and borderline? Hell yeah. IU & Fiestar not only cop the same chord progression as a-ha, but they even use the same song structure and keyboard patch! It's obviously more than chance - the producers clearly listened to "Take On Me" and said "okay guys - let's do something that sounds like that". However, it's not illegal to do that, as long as you don't exactly copy melodies. The keyboard riff in "Sea Of Moonlight", while certainly close to a-ha's song, isn't exactly the same, and the vocal melodies aren't the same either... so therefore they're not the same song, even though they sure do sound similar. You need, at the very least, exactly (and I mean exactly) the same melody for a reasonable portion of the song, we're talking at least four bars worth of vocals or lead instrument here as a general rule. K-pop producers mostly aren't stupid (a notable exception later) - they know exactly how far they can push it before they've crossed a line, and you can get as upset about it as you want - it's not plagiarism if they know exactly where that line is drawn and you don't.
Another way you can get pinged for plagiarism is the fine art of sampling - taking snatches of other people's songs and incorporating them into your own songs. Sampling is to music a bit like what collage is to visual art. But samples are in everything these days, right? So how do people get away with it?
For a sample to be legally actionable by the original owner of the work, it has to be a "recognisable portion", which is essentially another way of saying "don't get caught". A single guitar strum or a drum is not going to be legally actionable. Chain a few drum hits and guitar strums and the likelihood of legal action increases exponentially. Sampling a snatch of a famous piece of music is the most extreme form of sampling and is a bit like cutting out a picture of a can of a well known soft drink and sticking it in a collage work. Your result may still arguably be creative and original if you're used the existing sample in a new way, like shoving the soft drink bottle up Taeyang's ass in your collage work, but the beverage company is probably still going to try and sue your butt off if your art piece becomes famous and noticeable enough for it to draw the soft drink CEO's attention. It's a "recognisable portion" of their brand and they may not approve of you profiting from their name, or even if you're not making money they still may not approve of the association between their drink and Taeyang's ass.
(There are limited exceptions to the rule on the grounds of "fair use through education and satire" though, so I'm totally allowed to show you this image to illustrate the concept for educational purposes. Gosh, just as well.)
The same kinds of rules that apply to traditional songwriting plagiarism also apply to sampling:
* It's not plagiarism if the person using the sample got permission and credited you
* It's not plagiarism if you don't own the original, because you signed/gave it away or whatever
* It's not plagiarism if it's not actually your original being sampled but just something that sounds like it
Now that we know what music plagiarism is and is not, let's talk about Primary.
Firstly, the songs don't sound anything like each other, they're not even the same genre. The melodies in Primary's song in the rare cases when they appear aren't even in the same ballpark. The chords are the same - sometimes, but the beat mostly isn't even close and then there's all that 'rap' stuff. So "melodic plagiarism" in the IU/Nekta sense is definitely out of the question.
What about sampling? Did Primary sample and loop Caro Emerald's riff? Well... no. If you listen close it's not the same sound. What Primary has done instead is get someone to play something kind of similar and sample that instead. The differences are obvious if you listen for them. Primary's version has much "brassier" horn parts, presumably a production choice to make the horn riff stand out over the heavy drum-machine beat, whereas Caro Emerald has a much smoother sound to her backing that suits the more mellow rhythm.
This is "soundalike sampling" and it's a common practice in sample-based music that allows people who like working with samples to reappropriate ideas while conveniently side-stepping those icky legal problems. It's not coincidence - Primary would have done this on purpose. It's also not illegal. It's not even all that uncreative - he's definitely reinterpreted Caro's song in a new way. Getting someone else's riff, copying it and then using it in a whole other genre effectively is not something that just anybody can do and get good results with. I mean, listen to how it sounds when people fail:
You can sample the best song in the world but if you suck, the result will still suck.
And I know you people will mention it if I don't bring it up so here's a quick run-through of some of the other allegations re: Primary:
Both clearly a case of "inspired by" and similar rhythms but the melodies aren't really the same so fuck off.
You can't copyright "a bunch of people standing in a room with a curtain looking all retro with washed out colour and fonts and shit" as a concept for fucks' sake. Whoever made this video is a fucking idiot. Metallica might as well copyright the headbang and sue every other metal group with headbanging into their video (in fact I wouldn't put something like that completely past litigation-happy Metallica drummer Lars Ulrich). The first rapper who ever wore gold chains in a video while bikini-clad girls danced in the background could sue every other one too, etc.
Also, there's the ever-so-slightly-important fact that Caro Emerald's producers are actually not all that bothered by any of this. If the person who wrote the original doesn't even have a major problem with it, why should YOU? It's not plagiarism if the other party approves.
So if Primary didn't plagiarise, who did?
La Materialista:
This is what melodic plagiarism actually sounds like. Good luck finding a decent quality version of her initially-uncredited rip-off of 2NE1's "I Am The Best" anywhere on YouTube or anywhere else for that matter because YG shut down this dumb woman's shit faster than you can say "Minzy plagiarised Soyeon's nose idea".
Bahnus (for Lee Hyori):
Same chorus melody, not soundalike, but literally the same - a key point. It also helps that the lyrics are the same - you'd be amazed how much weight lyrical similarity carries in a plagiarism case. Clearly showing legal balls of steel, Lee Hyori's producer Bahnus stole a ton of stuff from various places for the H-Logic album, which suggests that maybe H-Logic is not best logic.
SNSD:
Enough said. Those dirty SNSD bitches. They copied EVERYTHING.
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Will Seungri Jizz On Takimoto Miori's Tits?
Is Takimoto Miori Seungri's next victim? Are some BTS scenes from their upcoming mobile drama enough evidence to make a claim such as this? Did the lack of real evidence ever stop people from speculating on HwayounGate?
I don't fucking know.
Okay, so she passes the first two tests when it comes to whether or not Seungri will jizz on her tits. The first test, appearance, was passed with flying colors on account of Miori being fucking adorable. The second test, having straight teeth, was also passed. Seungri can't afford to have his dick bitten off by a girl with shark teeth. There's a reason as to why Seungri never jizzed on CL's tits. Every time CL's teeth gravitated towards Seungri's dick, it shriveled up faster than the speed of light.
The third test Miori passed was that she voiced a character in Miyazaki Hayao's latest film, "The Wind Rises". What this means is that Seungri can imagine Miori as an anime character (and maybe dress her up as one) while he can make his hentai fantasies into reality.
Will Miori beg to take it up the butt like this chick from Bible Black did? Will Seungri make Miori dress up like Revy from Black Lagoon before he starts banging her?
The fourth test is that Miori played a male in the drama Ikemen desu ne, a remake of the Korean drama You're Beautiful. This is as close as Seungri wants to go when it comes to banging a shemale. The fifth test that Miori passes is that she used to be an idol way back in the day in the idol group SweetS. If you can stomach J-idol pop, here you go.
Final Verdict?
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Boram, You're Relieved Of Your Position As Kpop's Deformed Dwarf
Well, I'm not so sure that people will start now, Boram. However, just know that you will start receiving a lot less shit now. Thank the heavens for Lee Hi's existence.
Jesus Christ. It looks like Yang Hyun Suk liposuctioned all of the fat from her face. Lee Hi looks like one of those trolls now.
Unfortunately for Lee Hi and Bom, YG Entertainment spend all of its allotted plastic surgery budget on Minzy's new nose. Fortunately for Boram, she's no longer the official troll of Kpop.
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Zinger??????
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I'm Back, Sorta
Sup, bitches.
I know I've been gone for a while, and I've been really shitty about writing stuff and sticking to a schedule. To that end, I've decided to do a livestream again this Saturday. What time works for you all?
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I know I've been gone for a while, and I've been really shitty about writing stuff and sticking to a schedule. To that end, I've decided to do a livestream again this Saturday. What time works for you all?
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Project Luhan part 2: The Only Good Sasaeng...
By popular demand, a sequel to "Sasaeng Control - Project Luhan"!
If you haven't read the original, click this link and read it. The second part won't make any sense at all if you haven't read the first part.
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![plw1]()
![plw2]()
Once day during yard time, you're sitting with your friend, #1063, at the picnic tables. She beckons you to come closer, so she can whisper in your ear. You slide along the bench and tilt your head towards her.
"There's got to be a way to escape this place. It's only a rehab camp, it's not like a prison. It can't be that secure!"
You're apprehensive. "I don't want to think about what happens if we get caught."
"But we'll be here forever! We need an escape plan!"
A guard wandering the yard stars getting closer to your position so you stop whispering to each other and start acting more casual. You nod your head to her in understanding and she nods in return. You understand each other, and for the rest of yard time, both of you spend your time scoping out the area for potential escape routes. There's no way known that you can get through the barbed wire fences, and all the buildings are solid concrete and practically airtight. It seems pointless to contemplate it, but then, near the netball court you notice something on the ground that gives you hope:
![manh]()
You motion to #1063 and she comes over to take a look. She smiles. Yard time is fast ending so you make a pact - the next day, you will meet her and see if you can find an escape through the sewers.
The next day, you meet #1063 by the netball courts. You practice some netball for a while until the guards wander over to the oval on the other side of the yard, then you both gradually lift the manhole cover off (it's heavy), climb down the hole and carefully seal it over yourselves, trying to make as little clanging metal noise as possible. You're now on a ladder and it's pitch black. You didn't think of that.
"Don't worry, I've got something to help." - girl #1063 produces a mobile phone.
![ild_5]()
"A friend smuggled this in. She's got all types of EXO contraband, I managed to buy this off her. We'll be able to light the way with the screen."
You're immediately jealous. You didn't know about this EXO contraband business! "How did you get her to sell you that? We don't have money..."
Girl #1063 doesn't answer, but you consider it trivial at this point and you'll hopefully both be free soon anyway. Luhan's face on the phone is gorgeous - he has never looked prettier to you than at this moment. How fitting, that a phone with his image is lighting the way and aiding your escape and maybe even eventual unification!
You try to focus on the task at hand for now. You both climb down a ladder and move along a narrow sloping passage that also contains running water in its center. Even with the phone's light you can only see a foot in front of you at best so you both have to move slow. After a while, you hear something unusual... voices coming from up ahead, and even a dim light. It doesn't sound like guards, or does it? You both remain as quiet as possible and inch slowly forward, eventually reaching a small gap high in the wall.
![jmin]()
It's just big enough for you to climb through, however the voices are up there and who knows what they are. Maybe it's freedom, or maybe it's another part of the facility. You've kind of lost your sense of direction down here, so you don't really know.
"Give me a boost! I'll poke my head up and take a look."
Girl #1063 puts her phone down, bends over and provides a knee support. You climb up on her knee and poke your head up through the hole to take a look. What you see astonishes you. A basement room with several guards, a line up of young teenage girls from the camp on one side of the wall behind a pane of glass in a separate room, and looking them over is...
![413]()
![hcijwl]()
If you haven't read the original, click this link and read it. The second part won't make any sense at all if you haven't read the first part.
You've been a resident of Project Luhan, a sasaeng rehabilitation camp, for about four weeks now. While detained, you've had time to familiarise yourself with the camp rules:
Several times a day, all the inmates (referred to as "clients" by staff, but you know better) gather at specific times for therapeutic scheduled activities. Some of these include:
* Group listening and discussion of new music, with a different musical genre chosen each day by staff. Commercial pop music (Korean or international) is never a chosen genre.
* Two hours of mandatory outdoor yard time during which access to any electronic devices at all (including television and radio) is prohibited. Outdoor facilities in the spacious yard area include a sports oval, gym equipment, asphalt sports court, tables and chairs, a swimming pool, constructions to provide sun shade and a picnic area, all lovingly surrounded with SM Entertainment's carefully curated flower gardens and barbed wire fences.
* Art and creative writing classes, where students learn to draw and write about things other than k-pop idols.
* Daily recitation of the "Luhan mantra" before all mealtimes:
All inmates are also fed the "Project Luhan Diet", a healthy yet filling regime of three generous protein/carbohydrate-rich meals per day, which SM Entertainment assures you is "nothing like what idols eat" and "designed to make sure that idols do not consider you dateable material". Finishing of all portions is mandatory.
Needless to say, you're in hell, and you can't wait to get out of here, but you don't see a way out soon. Every week the guards visit your cell for your "exam". This was the interrogation you saw when you first got here - it involves answering a series of questions to show that you have "a rational view of a fan's place in idol life" - if you can pass the exam, they say that you are free to go. You've failed your first three exams so far, the last one you flunked when the guard taunted you with:
"LUHAN DATING A FAN - HA! THE ODDS ARE ONE IN A MILLION!"
and your response was:
"...but there's 50 million people in Korea, so that means there are 50 chances! What if one of them is mine?"
A bad slip-up - next time you'll have to be more careful and hide your true feelings, but you're not sure if you can. The exams are difficult and the questions change every week, so it's more than mere memorisation, you actually have to think like a normal person. Oh god. You could be here for months learning how to do that! There must be a quicker way!
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"There's got to be a way to escape this place. It's only a rehab camp, it's not like a prison. It can't be that secure!"
You're apprehensive. "I don't want to think about what happens if we get caught."
"But we'll be here forever! We need an escape plan!"
A guard wandering the yard stars getting closer to your position so you stop whispering to each other and start acting more casual. You nod your head to her in understanding and she nods in return. You understand each other, and for the rest of yard time, both of you spend your time scoping out the area for potential escape routes. There's no way known that you can get through the barbed wire fences, and all the buildings are solid concrete and practically airtight. It seems pointless to contemplate it, but then, near the netball court you notice something on the ground that gives you hope:
You motion to #1063 and she comes over to take a look. She smiles. Yard time is fast ending so you make a pact - the next day, you will meet her and see if you can find an escape through the sewers.
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"Don't worry, I've got something to help." - girl #1063 produces a mobile phone.
"A friend smuggled this in. She's got all types of EXO contraband, I managed to buy this off her. We'll be able to light the way with the screen."
You're immediately jealous. You didn't know about this EXO contraband business! "How did you get her to sell you that? We don't have money..."
Girl #1063 doesn't answer, but you consider it trivial at this point and you'll hopefully both be free soon anyway. Luhan's face on the phone is gorgeous - he has never looked prettier to you than at this moment. How fitting, that a phone with his image is lighting the way and aiding your escape and maybe even eventual unification!
You try to focus on the task at hand for now. You both climb down a ladder and move along a narrow sloping passage that also contains running water in its center. Even with the phone's light you can only see a foot in front of you at best so you both have to move slow. After a while, you hear something unusual... voices coming from up ahead, and even a dim light. It doesn't sound like guards, or does it? You both remain as quiet as possible and inch slowly forward, eventually reaching a small gap high in the wall.
It's just big enough for you to climb through, however the voices are up there and who knows what they are. Maybe it's freedom, or maybe it's another part of the facility. You've kind of lost your sense of direction down here, so you don't really know.
"Give me a boost! I'll poke my head up and take a look."
Girl #1063 puts her phone down, bends over and provides a knee support. You climb up on her knee and poke your head up through the hole to take a look. What you see astonishes you. A basement room with several guards, a line up of young teenage girls from the camp on one side of the wall behind a pane of glass in a separate room, and looking them over is...
...Park Bom from 2NE1. What the hell is SHE doing here? Isn't this an SM Entertainment facility? You keep your head down as low as you can while still being able to observe what's going on. Damn she sure looks different in person without the makeup, a lot rougher around the edges, you've never really followed 2NE1 but you've only ever seen her in videos before. She's looking the girls behind the glass over, one by one, and talking to the guards, but you're not close enough to hear what she's saying to them. After she looks over each girl, guards go behind the glass, take the girl out of the room behind the glass, and off somewhere that you can't see. The girls in the other room show no reaction while Bom looks them over and they don't seem to make eye c0ntact with her or even register that she is there. What the hell is that all about. It's too much for you to process.
All of a sudden, you hear a tinny noise coming from somewhere below you. "ULF NEGA ULF, AWWWOOOOOOO".
Oh fuck. It's the mobile phone's ringtone.
Instantly, guards turn around. "There, that hole!" one of them points, staring directly at you. "Let me down!" you scream to #1063 who has also realised that you've been spotted and quickly helps you down. She grabs the phone and you both start running, but it's dark and you can't see well enough in front of you to run at this speed. It doesn't help that she has the phone, not you.
Pissed off, you start telling off #1063 while you're scampering away through the darkness - "Why didn't you put the fucking phone on sil..."
That's the last thing you say, as your face slams straight into a concrete wall and you knock yourself out cold.
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You wake up. You're feeling groggy and your whole head and neck really hurts. You're sitting in a chair. You're being slapped in the face, gently, a little wake-up slap, which stings unbelievably as the tension pulls on your sore neck muscles. You look up - a guard is in front of you. He sees that you're awakening and he stops hitting you. You look around. You're in a room with a door behind you and a pane of mirrored glass in front of you. You recognise the room instantly, it's the room that Park Bom was looking at before. Now you know why those girls weren't registering Bom's presence - the glass separating the two rooms is a one-way mirror. She can see in, but you can only see your reflection. You wonder if Bom is looking at you right now, or somebody else. Looking to the side, you can see #1063 who is already awake, and looking at you.
"I'm so sorry." she says to you, with tears in her eyes. "You look like shit. Are you okay?"
You mumble out the words. "No, my face really fucking hurts." It hurts to talk, it feels like you have some kind of jaw damage.
The guard interrupts. "BE QUIET! STARE STRAIGHT AHEAD!"
You do your best, although you're still feeling dizzy and it's difficult to keep your head still even while sitting. Girl #1063 looks fine, not injured at all. You figure that she navigated through the tunnel okay but the guards caught up to her some other way. After a minute of staring, the guard's belt makes a noise. The guard picks up a radio on his belt and puts it to his ear.
"#1064, YOU WILL BE ESCORTED BACK TO YOUR CELL. YOU'RE LUCKY YOU HIT THAT WALL! #1063, YOU ARE COMING WITH US!"
Suddenly, girl #1063 starts screaming. "You can't do this! You can't! It can't end like this!" Over and over again. Over and over. Why so upset. You mumble to her "We tried to escape and failed, what's the big deal?" She just keeps screaming, the same thing, non-stop. You start feeling dizzier, and soon you pass out again and slump back in your chair.
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Three weeks later, you're back in your cell, killing some downtime before lights out, and eating some SM-approved salt and vinegar flavoured potato chips. Your face is feeling better, the pain and swelling has gone down, but there's still a bit of scarring. The doctors told you it will heal in a month so you're not too worried. They told you a while back that you were lucky not to snap your neck down there, and that people have died in those sewers before.
You haven't seen #1063 since the escape attempt. You're watching TV in your bed. EXO is of course banned here, so you're watching a YG Entertainment special. You're not really into YG artists, especially the overrated BigBang who are nowhere near as good as your faves EXO, but any port in a storm, you figure. All of a sudden, footsteps and a now-familiar clank of bars as a new inmate is admitted into the cell opposite you, where #1063 who tried to help you escape used to live. This happens all the time, there have been five or six inmates through since she left. You look over at the new arrival. She has bandages all over her face, she is almost completely 100% bandaged, she looks positively mummified. She stares back at you, tears of recognition well in her eyes. Then you realise... it's #1063.
"What happened to you?" you ask.
She opens her mouth as if to say something, but just starts sobbing instead, like she can't get the words out. She then starts pointing at you, and not just sobbing, but positively howling in tears. Like someone just died, or something. You give her a look as if to say "why are you pointing to me?" She motions to your side. Then you realise... she's not actually pointing at you... but something next to you, really close. It's the TV screen you were just watching. You turn to look at it, it's 2NE1's latest MV, "Missing You".
You look at the screen - "Gosh, Bom sure looks pretty there. Much better than when I saw her in that basement, hey - damn she looked ragged then. She's got a nose like yours in that video, actually. How much of that look do you think is surgery?"
Girl #1063's howling tears raise another pitch and become a scream. "THAT FUCKING BIIIIITCH, FUCKING BIIIIIITCH SLUUUUT" over and over again. Guards alerted to the noise quickly come in and administer a sedative, or something - it takes two of them to hold her in place while a third guard operates a syringe filled with god knows what. Meanwhile, the penny drops. You'll be on your best behaviour from now on.
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AKF is just like allkpop!
Lolololololol, it'll take a little bit to go through everything that is wrong about WhyWhyLove's statements, so go grab some popcorn or whatever you like to eat.
I'm going to break this down point by point just so that everything is much easier to follow.
- Drooling and praising female idols that over sexualize themselves.
Hahahahahaha. I don't think you ever read the first article on AKF. Or anything else from April 2011. Wewrotethisshit. We were like this from the start.
- We hate on the more successful groups.
Because they release shitty songs and get away with it. The end.
- We supposedly bash EXO because everyone likes them.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhh, no. When I wrote my review for EXO's Wolf, I did so because it is such a terrible song and concept. Regardless of who sang the song, they were going to be made fun of because of the song. The song is really, really bad. I thought drugs were illegal in Korea, but maybe Daniel slipped the producers some weed before he got caught. I can't think of any other explanation as to how that fucking song was made.
If this person is referring to EXOtics, of course we're going to make fun of them. This is Anti Kpop-Fangirl and EXOtics are the most batshit insane fandom around right now. This isn't the We'll Sympathize With The Fucked Up Tendencies Of Teenage Girls blog. Part of the reason this blog exists is to laugh at the idiocy of delusional fangirls. That's been the M.O. of this blog from the beginning.
- Everyone is hating T-ara, so we'll praise them.
Uhhhhhhhhh, still, no. Go to the archive of April 2011. ItisapparentthatIwasafanofT-arasincethebeginning. Back during the anonymous era of AKF, where it seemed like it was impossible for me to even like a song without the anons bitching about me being biased, I reviewed T-ara's Roly Poly MV and look at the label: "Even if I'm the only one who likes it fuck you all".
The irrational hate T-ara gets just gives me another reason to like T-ara because I know it pisses people off that I like them. They were my favorite idol group before the scandal, and they're still my favorite after the scandal.
- I don't hate Kpop. But I will make racist, derogatory comments and then tell people 'it's just sarcasm'.
There's so much wrong in this one sentence alone. It's obvious that I don't hate Kpop, or else this blog would have never lasted two years and eight months. Sure, if I hated Kpop, I could probably keep this blog open for a month or two, but I would have gotten tired of it so quickly.
I don't ever recall saying my comments are sarcasm. I'm just saying what I think, and honest opinions piss fangirls off. Sure, exaggerating shit that I don't mean just to make some jokes that I find hilarious is fun, but I've never said it was sarcasm. It's purely poking fun of a "perfect" idol for jokes. Sure, people may label me as a racist all they want, but I'm not making this a politically correct blog so that no one ever gets hurt. There are politically correct Kpop blogs all over the Internet. Go there if you feel like you're morally superior.
- This blog didn't used to be like this.
What? Did you ever read the very early articles? This is the second article I have ever written on here was about Chi-Chi. I called two of the members fucking trannies. That was just the start. In the very next article I wrote, I made fun of Jaejoong for being gay. So, yeah, the blog is the same now as it was the first day I started it.
- It used to be about honest music reviews.
- An honest reply to idol conduct.
Well, here you go.
- It spoke for the people who were tired of the spazzing of random fangirls on other forums.
No, we never did. That was never what this blog was about. This blog is for people to enjoy Kpop how they want to. We tell delusional fangirls to fuck off as they try to act as if they're better than everyone else because they are "true" fans and the rest of us aren't. That delusion from Kpop fangirls is why this blog was started. This place is a haven for any fan to enjoy Kpop to their heart's desire.
- You said you'll never sell out to be like allkpop, but you're just like them.
Lol, no. I have given thorough proof that AKF in April 2011 and AKF in April 2013 are 95% the same. The only differences are that I am nicer now compared to 2011, the staff has changed, the anons are gone, and that we actually spend more than 30 seconds writing an article now.
Earlier this year, I had proposed to move AKF to a host, but in order to make all of those changes, I would have had to spend a lot of money for domains (so that people wouldn't try to make fake AKFs), a good server (it was impossible to host AKF on a free, private server because it is too big), ample security (AKF on Blogger is safe because this is Google's domain) to protect the site, paying the people for their labor, etc. In order to pay for all of that and to recuperate my investment, I would have needed to plaster ads on the new site. Fuck that. I hate ads. The video ads are notorious for malware. It would have made the user experience much worse with all of those ads. So, in order to generate ad revenue, I would have had to have "sold out" to get more readers. I just didn't see that it was worth it.
But yeah, I had fun pointing out every flaw in your argument.
Special thanks to fiddle.se/klogg for sending me this since I never visit the AKF chat anymore.
Special thanks to fiddle.se/klogg for sending me this since I never visit the AKF chat anymore.
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Fangirls Don't Realize How Dumb They Are
God damn, talking to a mentally handicapped kid is much easier than getting through to fangirls. The delusion seems to be so strong to the point where it looks like there's no way to cure them.
These fangirls are pissed because of the Hani raps better than your oppas article. I still stick by that opinion for several reasons. One, your oppas really do suck at rapping. They have spent so much time practicing rapping their 5 second verse, they still sound like shit. Hani basically did this as a karaoke cover and sounds better with much less preparation. Secondly, Hani's hot as fuck. That's all the evidence you fangirls ever needed to say TOP was a good rapper, so Hani being hot is enough evidence for me.
TOP and GD are not admired by Tiger JK. I don't know when 'ridicule' and 'admire' became synonyms in the English language, but the rest of the world was never told about it. The rappers in Korea do not take idol rappers seriously. At all.
Who You is a piece of shit because everything GD has produced in the past 5+ years would be considered assault against the ears.
Obviously Xenon Nerf doesn't know how to read, as I have covered the topic millions of times of how AKF isn't a troll site. Go look up what a troll actually is.
And no, even the AKF comment section in late 2011 was much better than the cesspool that is NB's comment section. At least the anons were able to think for themselves unlike the majority of the brain-dead fucks at NB who simply steal Korean netizens' comments as their own opinions.
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How To Learn Korean (Or Any Other Language) Part 1
I have received this question a lot this year, so I may as well finally write a post about it for everyone who has asked me but I couldn't give them a totally in depth answer.
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So, why would one learn Korean? Surely you don't want to labeled a 'Koreaboo'. However, learning Korean doesn't make one a Koreaboo automatically. Who cares about learning Korean if I already can speak English? Sure, you're pretty much set around the world if you can speak English, but the world doesn't revolve around us Anglicized mother fuckers. "Since I live in America/Canada, shouldn't I learn Spanish/French instead?" Fuck that shit. If you have no interest in a language, learning it will be more difficult than listening to idol raps. "Isn't a waste of time to learn another language?" Well, sure. However, it's a waste of time to do anything since we'll all die one day. So who the fuck cares what someone else would say about you learning a language.
There are many reasons as to why one would want to learn a language, and in the end, none of them matter to anyone else as long as you want to do it yourself. Hell, I learned Japanese to import games because NAMCO BANDAI ARE A BUNCH OF FUCKS THAT TAKE TWO YEARS TO RELEASE ANY TALES OF GAMES IN THE UNITED STATES. As long as you have a reason, even if it is to get close to your oppar, go ahead and learn a language.
So, why would one learn Korean? Surely you don't want to labeled a 'Koreaboo'. However, learning Korean doesn't make one a Koreaboo automatically. Who cares about learning Korean if I already can speak English? Sure, you're pretty much set around the world if you can speak English, but the world doesn't revolve around us Anglicized mother fuckers. "Since I live in America/Canada, shouldn't I learn Spanish/French instead?" Fuck that shit. If you have no interest in a language, learning it will be more difficult than listening to idol raps. "Isn't a waste of time to learn another language?" Well, sure. However, it's a waste of time to do anything since we'll all die one day. So who the fuck cares what someone else would say about you learning a language.
There are many reasons as to why one would want to learn a language, and in the end, none of them matter to anyone else as long as you want to do it yourself. Hell, I learned Japanese to import games because NAMCO BANDAI ARE A BUNCH OF FUCKS THAT TAKE TWO YEARS TO RELEASE ANY TALES OF GAMES IN THE UNITED STATES. As long as you have a reason, even if it is to get close to your oppar, go ahead and learn a language.
Word of caution, this blog post is so long that even Kpopalypse oppar would say "tl;dr, shorten it you dickwad". It's long to the point where you'll probably have to take a break and come back and read the rest later.
First, before I get into how to learn Korean, I feel like I should clear some shit up before someone says "Why should I listen to this fuck? He hates Kpop and Kpop fangirls and is a misogynist fucker who hates on anyone who likes Korean stuff." Well, first, that's absolutely wrong, but I know people will say it anyway. My qualifications are that I run the translation blog Hallyu Interview (Korean and Japanese interviews with celebrities) and its sister site Yeoshindeul (mainly news articles that I feel like translating), I am a main translator for the Moon Chae Won International Fansite (mainly interviews, some news), I translate shit for IATFB oppar at Asian Junkie (mainly news, and any interviews posted there are from Hallyu Interview), and I was a translator at Karaholic for Korean and Japanese news (but translating selca articles killed all the joy for me, so I quit). So there fangirls who make shit up about me, I spend an hour a week writing articles that make fun of you, but spend many more hours releasing content that helps you fangirl even more.
So, in general, to learn Korean, you only need three things: investment, execution and commitment.
First, before I get into how to learn Korean, I feel like I should clear some shit up before someone says "Why should I listen to this fuck? He hates Kpop and Kpop fangirls and is a misogynist fucker who hates on anyone who likes Korean stuff." Well, first, that's absolutely wrong, but I know people will say it anyway. My qualifications are that I run the translation blog Hallyu Interview (Korean and Japanese interviews with celebrities) and its sister site Yeoshindeul (mainly news articles that I feel like translating), I am a main translator for the Moon Chae Won International Fansite (mainly interviews, some news), I translate shit for IATFB oppar at Asian Junkie (mainly news, and any interviews posted there are from Hallyu Interview), and I was a translator at Karaholic for Korean and Japanese news (but translating selca articles killed all the joy for me, so I quit). So there fangirls who make shit up about me, I spend an hour a week writing articles that make fun of you, but spend many more hours releasing content that helps you fangirl even more.
So, in general, to learn Korean, you only need three things: investment, execution and commitment.
So first, investment. Investment refers to investment of time, money, etc. Starting with time, you need to put in the time. This is related to commitment, which I'll talk about more in depth later on. For now, I'll just say "don't be a pussy and put the time in". The second item is money. Learning a language will cost money, just like anything else that's good in life. There are some good, free language resources out there (I'll get to those, and ones you'll have to pay for later), but the majority of the good resources are the ones you have to pay for.
Resources. You need some good ones if you ever want to get anywhere. In this blog post, I'll write about Korean, Japanese and Chinese. For anyone else learning one of the 9379593865 other human languages, Google is your friend.
For Korean, the best free resource out there is Talk To Me In Korean, bar none. They have a lot of material on there, and even more if you're willing to pay money for it. I always direct people here first for Korean because I do know that roughly 90% of people who ask me stuff quit within a week, so if you're going to quit within a week, you may as well not have buyer's remorse.
For Japanese, the best resources for free are Tae Kim's Grammar Guide and Reviewing The Kanji. Tae Kim's guide can easily be used in substitute of a traditional beginner's coursebook, as you would be ready to tackle grammar books after you're done with Tae Kim's guide. Reviewing The Kanji works in tandem with James Heisig's Remembering The Kanji series (more on that later). It's a great resource, and it's for free.
For Chinese, I don't know of any free course material, but there is a pretty great grammar reference called Chinese Grammar Wiki and for Chinese characters, there's Zhongwen. There's also a book version available, which I prefer because the book explains how the dictionary should be used.
For plugins on Firefox or Chrome, you should download Rikaichan for Japanese and Peraperakun for Chinese. These are popup dictionaries that are extremely useful to use while reading on the Internet. Sadly, there isn't a good one for Korean out yet, and I'm sure by the time one comes out, I won't need it.
However, maybe you don't like studying on the computer because you know you'll be watching shit on YouTube instead of studying anyway. You need some real God damn textbooks to use so that you'll actually concentrate on them. Well, I'm here to help you.
Starting with Korean, I have used Elementary Korean and Continuing Korean. I have also used the first two books of the Integrated Korean series. They're good as well, but they are tailored for classroom use while it is easier to use Elementary Korean and Continuing Korean as self study courses. Just a word of advice, don't bother with buying any of the workbooks for the Integrated Korean series as there aren't any answers that come with them. (In general, I don't recommend workbooks at all, and I'll explain why later.) I never had a need to try any of the higher levels. For a grammar book, I used Korean Grammar For International Learners. It's really thorough, and I don't really see many grammar structures while reading that aren't covered in this book unless the structures are really advanced or rarely used. After going through Elementary Korean and Continuing Korean, you'll be good to go to tackle whatever you don't know through this grammar book.
Onto Japanese, I used Japanese For Everyone. It's fairly cheap, but it doesn't come with any audio. I personally didn't need the audio because of the massive amounts of anime that I watched in high school, so I was already used to hearing Japanese. I have heard a lot of good things about the Genki series, then moving onto Authentic Japanese: Progressing From Intermediate To Advanced. However, I didn't use them, so I don't know. For kanji, I used Heisig's Remembering The Kanji. It is soooooooo much easier to learn kanji through mnemonics instead of rote memory that classes teach you. They are taught in a systematic fashion in this book instead of order of frequency that classrooms will teach you. However, there are people who don't like the method and prefer the Kanji in Context series. I never used it, so I have no comment on it, though they seem pretty popular. For grammar, you'll need an arm and a leg to afford A Dictionary of Basic Japanese Grammar, A Dictionary of Intermediate Japanese Grammar, and A Dictionary of Advanced Japanese Grammar. They're well worth the cost, though.
For online dictionaries, I use Denshi Jisho, which is what (I assume, but I'm not sure) Rikaichan is based off of.
For Chinese (Mandarin), I used Teach Yourself Chinese. It's alright, but I wouldn't recommend it to someone learning a language on their own for the first time. I have read and heard great things about the Integrated Chinese series and the New Practical Chinese Reader series. For Chinese characters, I used Chinese Characters: A Genealogy and Dictionary , but others have used Heisig's books for Chinese. I didn't need to buy Heisig's books for Chinese because I'm already used to his method from Japanese (and already know a lot of characters), so I bought the first book. Just a warning, Chinese Characters uses traditional characters while Heisig has a simplified character version and a traditional character version. Depending on what languages you want, go with the traditional. It will be easier to learn Japanese kanji, and Korean hanja is all traditional. If you only want to learn Chinese and only care about mainland Chinese, choose simplified. For grammar, I have Chinese: A Comprehensive Grammar while I have heard a lot of great things about Modern Mandarin Chinese Grammar. Either one will be a great choice.
For Chinese dictionaries, I mainly use nciku.
Now, for general resources that anyone can use, they are Lang 8 and Shared Talk. Lang 8 is like writing in a journal and other people correct your journal entries and you correct other people's journal entries. Shared Talk is a language exchange site where you can text chat and/or voice chat with UCAADs all over the world. This is really a great site.
Do not buy Rosetta Stone. If you do, you are a dumbass.
Next part will tackle execution and commitment parts. Commitment is short, but the execution part will be longer than the investment part in this blog post, so I may as well split this into two posts because this is already long as shit.
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How To Learn Korean (Or Any Other Language) Part 2
Alright, time for the conclusion of this series. Yes, you'll understand three words in the next Japanese porno you watch.
Now you finally have everything you need, but don't know how to start. Or maybe you have tried taking a language course at school and found it to be fucking worthless and a waste of $1500 to $2000. You probably think you can't learn a language because of how badly you failed a course you took at school. Well, sure, school sucks, but it isn't your fault. Time to get on to how to actually learn the fucking language. You all have your reasons (you want to understand your oppars in their songs or you just want to understand what the girls are saying in a JAV video [because people watch them for the plot, right?]), now you just need to get to it.
You may be tempted to use the textbooks as you would if you were in school. Don't. Just don't. We have been forced to use bad studying techniques from schools for all of these years. Do not simply read the textbook and do the exercises and think "Oh, golly gee willickers, I should be fluent now."
The absolute first thing to do is to learn the sounds and the writing. For Korean, this means learning hangul and the sounds. With Japanese, this means learning hiragana, followed by katakana. With Chinese, learn the pinyin and the sounds the correspond. Do not make the mistake thinking that the letters used in pinyin correspond to sounds in English. Aside from Chinese, do not use any forms of romanization at all. Use hangul and hiragana. Don't learn either language through romanizations. It takes a very short period of time to learn the sounds and how to read them.
After that, you are ready to start the lessons. What you want to do first is to simply listen to the audio of the dialogues, with and without looking at the text and translations. Get used to hearing them. Get used to reading them out loud, a lot. This also goes with any example sentences used in the lessons as well. Even if there isn't any audio, practice speaking them out loud. Why? Muscle memory will help you a lot. Instead of trying to remember arbitrary rules and learning a language as if it's math, you simply need to practice saying correct sentences a lot. When you speak your native, you don't think about the grammar, so you shouldn't in your target language (L2). There's more about this here and the original video. You don't have to follow the method exactly (and naturally, adapt everything you read here and in the links to your needs).
Something similar is the scriptorium method. Scroll down in this page for an explanation on the scriptorium method and click to see this video for a demonstration.
Next is using MCDs. MCDs stand for Massive-Context Cloze-Deletion Card. Read here for more about them. I'll give examples for flashcards in a little bit. Anyway, MCDs are great for learning grammar, and combined with each other methods listed above, learning to speak and write will be much easier.
Now, those are methods for getting acclimated with grammar. That's just the foundation of everything. What about all of those fucking words you need to learn? Well, UCAAD, there's this software called Anki. There's a web version also available, so if you're at school and have too much free time, you can always use study. With Anki, you will also be using them more MCDs.
Okay, why Anki? Well, it's a space repetition system (SRS). With this, you're using active recall and spacing to learn, which are two of the most effective ways to learn. However, you should already know the information you put into the SRS, because it's for review, not necessarily for learning. That's why I suggested the mass sentence method (or any variation of it) and the scriptorium method. Use one of those before making MCDs, making your learning much more effective. Using the SRS will help you remember a lot more instead of trying to cram everything. For more on how to use Anki, read here and this article for why active recall and spacing are so important.
Aside from grammar, Anki is great for learning vocabulary. Instead of trying to learn from just lists, use something like Anki. The earlier you are in the learning stages, the more effective Anki seems to be (this is what I have noticed). Later on you'll just need to read a lot and use a dictionary, but Anki still helps tremendously even at the intermediate stages. Next I will show how I make cards for vocabulary, MCDs (grammar cards) and for Chinese characters.
For vocabulary, I personally just use basic cards instead of using MCDs like suggested in the MCD articles I linked to. I personally find it too cumbersome to use MCDs for anything but grammar.
A Korean card would look like this:
[front] calm, composed, serene. 淡淡-
[back] 담담하다
Now, why go from English to the target language? It is harder, which is why I do it. It is more effective to go from English to Korean than Korean to English. For example, if you see "담담하다", you may recognize it, but not necessarily remember what it actually means in English. However, going from English to Korean really cements in your memory, and it is easier to use the word if you're talking or writing. The Chinese characters are used as an aid for several reasons. It is much easier to learn words along with the characters because the characters have meanings. Secondly, there are dozens of cards in your deck that may have a front side with something similar to "calm, composed, serene", but you can't remember if it's 담담하다, 밝다, 선명하다, or 평온하다 when you're answering the card. The characters help you know which one to answer.
This especially helps with Japanese and Chinese, because you are not only learning the word, but also the readings to the characters. In Korean, you don't need hanja as much as you do in Japanese and Chinese. The cards for Japanese and Chinese will look the same, but I'll post them.
Chinese card:
[front] cute, adorable. 可愛 (traditional characters)/可爱 (simplified characters)
[back] kě'ài
Japanese card:
[front] death; mortality; (Suru verb) to die; to pass away. 死亡
[back] しぼう
MCDs for grammar are similar, but they'll require some explanation. First, make sure you have read on Anki on how to do cloze deletions (which they're easy) and the MCD articles on All Japanese All The Time. I'll explain how I make my cards in all three languages, as they vary.
Korean MCD example:
I'll show what the front card looks like before the cloze deletion I'll show the front and back card after the cloze deletion. I also use the extra field for grammar explanations.
The bone doesn’t seem to be damaged.
With grammar cards, have the target language sentence and the English translation right underneath it. If you have trouble remembering what was cloze deleted, look at the English sentence for some help.
Next, here's the card with the cloze deletion(s):
[front] 뼈가 상한 것은 아닌[...] .
The bone doesn’t seem to be damaged.
[back] 뼈가 상한 것은 아닌가 봐요 .
The bone doesn’t seem to be damaged.
[extra field] -ㄴ가 보다: Seem to be. Note that the auxiliary verb 보다 in this pattern is descriptive.
Example sentence taken from here.
When you are testing yourself, you are trying to reproduce the 가 봐요 part. It's the same with every grammar point you test yourself on.
Next is a Japanese example:
[front] 来週は期末試験があるから今週末は遊んでいる[...]。
There will be final examinations next week, so I cannot fool around this weekend.
[back] 来週は期末試験があるから今週末は遊んでいるわけにはいかない。
There will be final examinations next week, so I cannot fool around this weekend.
らいしゅうはきまつしけんがあるからこんしゅうまつはあそんでいるわけにはいかない。
わけにはいかない＝ cannot; cannot but ~; cannot help -ing; have no (other) choice but to ~
You may look at that and think "Jesus titty fucking Christ, that's a lot to remember for one card. Exactly, which is why I would actually make multiple cards, which would look like this.
Card 1:
[front]来週は期末試験があるから今週末は遊んでいる[...]にはいかない。
There will be final examinations next week, so I cannot fool around this weekend.
[back] 来週は期末試験があるから今週末は遊んでいるわけにはいかない。
There will be final examinations next week, so I cannot fool around this weekend.
Card 2:
[front] 来週は期末試験があるから今週末は遊んでいるわけ[...]いかない。
There will be final examinations next week, so I cannot fool around this weekend.
[back] 来週は期末試験があるから今週末は遊んでいるわけにはいかない。
There will be final examinations next week, so I cannot fool around this weekend.
(Note: Some people may prefer to make a card just to remember に and another just to remember は, as they are different particles. That's totally fine.)
Card 3:
[front] 来週は期末試験があるから今週末は遊んでいるわけには[...]。
There will be final examinations next week, so I cannot fool around this weekend.
[back] 来週は期末試験があるから今週末は遊んでいるわけにはいかない。
There will be final examinations next week, so I cannot fool around this weekend.
The extra field would be the same in each one of them. By breaking it down, you will remember it much easier, plus you see the same sentence more times, reinforcing the structure that much more.
For Chinese, there are several ways to do it. If you're a beginner, you can just use pinyin and English.
[front] Xie4xie, wo3 [...] he1 ka1fei1.
No, thanks, I don't drink coffee.
[back] Xie4xie, wo3 bu4 he1 ka1fei1.
No, thanks, I don't drink coffee.
[extra field] bu4 negates. Similar to "not" in English.
When you start using characters, you can make your cards like this:
[front] 我 有 [...] 儿子 。
I have a son.
I have a son.
[back] 我 有 个儿子 。
I have a son. [extra field] The measure word个 (ge) is the most common measure word. It can be used in a pinch for any noun if you can't think of a more precise measure word. (Although you might not sound quite as smart, you'll still get your point across.) Also, for many nouns, 个 is the only correct measure word.
wo3 you3 ge er2 zi.
That concludes learning vocabulary and grammar. The rest is much easier for people to do. For reading, there are a bunch of things to read on the Internet and there are online bookstores. For listening, well, your music and drama addictions will play in your favor here. Just watch dramas and movies without subtitles. You're not training your eyes to read English at a faster rate, you're training your ears to get used to the language. For speaking, you'll be practicing a lot with reading out loud sample sentences in your textbooks and grammar books. After that, start saying sentences out loud using the words and structures you know. It's the same with writing. In part one, I linked to Lang 8 and Shared Talk. Use them. If you go to university, you'll find that there are a shitload of foreigners. I remember the first time I went to my current university. "Dude, am I in fucking China or some shit?" You'll have plenty of chances to talk with foreigners. Hell, the other day, I talked to a Chinese girl in Korean.
Lastly, there's commitment. I have known plenty of people who were pussies and quit within a week. This takes years to get good at, so if you don't want to put in the time and work, don't start. However, the rewards are immense and it really is a perfect excuse to keep watching dramas, import RPGs from Japan (fuck you Namco Bandai and Sega for never localizing games), watching Japanese porno (if you care about the plot lol), playing Korean-only MMORPGs, etc. etc. You'll be spending more time doing that stuff because it will reinforce what you have been learning through your studies.
For more sites and YT channels, visit the following:
Closing Thoughts: For the people who have read this and found it useful/enjoying, thanks. These two articles obviously took me a lot more work than the typical article I write.
Learning a language can be very rewarding, and I'll just use personal anecdotes. When I was in high school, I used to be extremely Anglocentric, thinking "every third-world fuck should just learn English. Why the fuck am I wasting time learning Spanish? Am I going to talk to the God damn Mexicans from the migrant rest center who work in the fields? Fuck that! If they want to earn money in America, they can learn some mother fucking English."
However, when I started college, I was finally old enough to buy shit online (since I finally had a debit card) and wanted to learn languages that I wanted to actually learn. The first was Korean because I thought "Hey, why not? It'd be cool if I could actually speak Korean since I am fucking Korean." The second was Japanese because I got tired of Namco Bandai's shit of never bringing Tales games over to America.
So, with learning Korean, I wanted to find some popular culture material. That's how I found Kpop and Kdramas. Obviously I like Kpop or else this blog wouldn't exist. With Kdramas, I saw some pictures of Song Hye Kyo, and well, I started watching a lot of Kdramas. Hey, if there are hot chicks in a show, I can watch them. That's how I started watching Jdramas because I remembered Toda Erika from the Death Note movies.
With a decent ability to understand, I was able to start watching Korean and Japanese dramas without subs. This was back in 2009/2010 when subs would typically take 1-2 weeks to come out. It sounds weird that three years ago was a different era when it comes to subtitling, but it just irks me when fangirls bicth about subs when the raw came out two hours ago. "Hey you little cunt, I used to wait two fucking weeks for WITHS2/Soshified to sub an episode, so shut the fuck up." I didn't like the wait either, which is why I ramped up my studied and started watching dramas without subtitles, something I still do today.
Aside from that, I used Shared Talk a lot and made a lot of friends through that site, and I still talk to some of them to this day in both languages. I personally think that's pretty cool, especially just six years while taking my first Spanish class high school, I was thinking "Those God damn Mexicans should be learning English instead."
With Chinese, my experience is a little different. I started learning it much later, but I also took a class in college. Language classes are fine if you need to fill up some elective hours, but do not make them your source of learning the language. I mainly just used the class to ask the teacher and assistant questions and mainly studied on my own. Other kids bitched about how difficult everything was for them because they simply relied on just the professor in class and hardly did anything outside of class. However, I did get along with quite a few people, as you really are forced into talking a lot in language classes. In my finance classes, I hardly talk to other people unless I have to because the more I talk, the more people ask me to help them with their work and/or studying. (I was tired of having to help so many people in high school, so college was great in that regard since no one knew me. Well, I still had a lot of group projects, but still.)
Also with Chinese, I got to learn of Jolin Tsai. You guys know what I think of Jolin. 8=======D~~~~~
Aside from having fun, if you take your language skills far enough, you'll be able to leverage them in a career. I had originally wanted to work in international business before I changed my major to finance. There can be plenty of career opportunities for you if you're from a country like America where it's rare for people to know another language. It can be a path for you to work overseas if you so wish. (Go "work" in Europe so you don't have to work at all, right?)
There's plenty of benefits, so if you make the investment, I hope you enjoy the rewards, and I hope these two posts have helped you.
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The 2014 FIFA World Cup Manual for Koreaboos
Alright, fangirls, I know the World Cup is about 7 months away, but it never hurts to be ready. In the vein of helpful articles we're putting out lately because we're pulling an Allkpop selling out we're so nice, I thought I'd put together a viewer's guide to the FIFA World Cup so you know exactly what's going on when you root for your oppas' favorite team.
NOTE: This is pretty fucking long too, probably will warrant a TL;DR Shorten it you dickwad from Chuck and Kpopalypse oppars... BUT I DGAF BITCHES
TABLE OF CONTENTS
WHY THE FUCK SHOULD I CARE?
Every self-respecting South Korean will be glued to their screens so long as South Korea still remains in the tournament. National pride and all that. That includes your oppas as well. They fucking love this shit. I guarantee you, 99% of most idols will have at least done some kind of promotional activity for the national team (more on this later).
How better to stand out from the fangirl horde than by knowing all about his favorite football/soccer team?
Who knows, maybe you'll even be able to strike up a conversation with an oppa about this, and he'll fall in love with your charming wit and in-depth knowledge of the South Korean national team, and he'll take you to his van to talk about the team in a more quiet location, and maybe you'll be able to suck his dick, and maybe he'll have the courtesy to give you a reacharound?!
Anyways, if you're going to be a tru Koreaboo, it's in your best interest to brush up on this shit.
Boys, you should pay attention too. Your noonas eat this shit up like everyone else.
ALRIGHT, WHERE DO I START?
Now that I've caught your attention, where do you start you ask?
First, you should know where Brazil is on a map. Nothing is more embarrassing than not knowing where major countries are on a map. Odds are, if you know where it is, you can brag about it to those basic bitches you hang out with when they attempt to show off their knowledge about this World Cup shit.
Secondly, you should get a rough idea about how the format of the tournament works. After qualifying for the World Cup (which I assure you South Korea has, or we wouldn't be here), the 32 teams have been seeded into 4 pots (or groups) of 8. I won't bore you with the details of how that seeding works, but just know that it's based roughly on geographical location and world ranking.
How does Korea stack up against their groupmates, you ask? If we go by the official FIFA power rankings:
it's looking pretty grim for Korea considering they have an extremely uphill battle ahead of them if they want to even scrape by and get second place in the group. GO KOREA
You may have noticed that I didn't mention the one Korean footballer most if not all basic fangirls know, Park Jisung. He retired from international play back in 2011, so be sure to rub that one in too if you get the chance.
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| YOU TOO CAN BE A TRUE LOVER OF THE REDS |
TABLE OF CONTENTS
- What the fuck is the World Cup?
- Why the fuck should I care?
- Alright, where do I start?
- Advanced tips
WHAT THE FUCK IS THE WORLD CUP?
TL;DR: Football (soccer for my fellow Americanos)'s biggest international event, it's like the Baseball World Series if the World Series was actually world-wide. This shit only happens once every 4 years (like the Olympics), so it's kind of a big deal. This year is the 20th World Cup, it's hosted in Brazil.
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| This be the logo this year. |
Every self-respecting South Korean will be glued to their screens so long as South Korea still remains in the tournament. National pride and all that. That includes your oppas as well. They fucking love this shit. I guarantee you, 99% of most idols will have at least done some kind of promotional activity for the national team (more on this later).
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| That's DBSK, AKA Chuck and His Butt-buddies. |
Who knows, maybe you'll even be able to strike up a conversation with an oppa about this, and he'll fall in love with your charming wit and in-depth knowledge of the South Korean national team, and he'll take you to his van to talk about the team in a more quiet location, and maybe you'll be able to suck his dick, and maybe he'll have the courtesy to give you a reacharound?!
Anyways, if you're going to be a tru Koreaboo, it's in your best interest to brush up on this shit.
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| Fuck yeah, KO RE A |
ALRIGHT, WHERE DO I START?
Now that I've caught your attention, where do you start you ask?
First, you should know where Brazil is on a map. Nothing is more embarrassing than not knowing where major countries are on a map. Odds are, if you know where it is, you can brag about it to those basic bitches you hang out with when they attempt to show off their knowledge about this World Cup shit.
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| That green one is Brazil. |
From these 4 pots, they drew one team each to make 8 groups of 4 for the group stages of the tournament. Each team plays every other team in the group once for a total of 6 matches per group. The top two teams from each group will advance to the elimination round. Stealing this next part from Wikipedia:
The ranking of each team in each group will be determined as follows:
Thirdly, you should know which group South Korea is in.
- points obtained in all group matches;
- goal difference in all group matches;
- number of goals scored in all group matches;
If two or more teams are equal on the basis of the above three criteria, their rankings will be determined as follows:
- points obtained in the group matches between the teams concerned;
- goal difference in the group matches between the teams concerned;
- number of goals scored in the group matches between the teams concerned;
- drawing of lots by the FIFA Organising Committee.
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| We want to look at Group H, if you're lost. |
- Belgium (11)
- Russia (22)
- Algeria (26)
- South Korea (54)
If we go by the SPI rankings (SPI rating represents the percentage of points a team would accumulate if a round-robin tournament were to be held among all the teams in the world):
- Belgium (12),
- Russia (15),
- South Korea (37)
- Algeria (69)
Lastly, it's pretty important to know when our oppas are playing (no shit):
- Korea v. Russia -- 06/17 @ 15:00 PST
- Korea v. Algeria -- 06/22 @ 09:00 PST
- Korea v. Belgium -- 06/26 @ 13:00 PST
ADVANCED TIPS
So you've got the basics down, and you're ready to shit on some basic bitches who don't even know what's going on. How do we really lay it on thick and show people you're ready to support tha oppaz?
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| CLICK TO EXPAND (From L-R) TOP ROW: Jung In Whan, Ji Dongwon, Kim Shinwook, Ki Sungyueng, Kwak Taehwi, Jung Sungryong BOTTOM ROW: Oh Beomseok, Koo Jacheol, Park Wonjae, Lee Keunho, Lee Chungyong |
Players to know:
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| 이청용 - Lee Chungyong (right winger) |
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| 손흥민 - Son Heungmin (forward) |
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| 구자철 - Koo Jacheol (midfielder) |
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| 김신욱 - Kim Shinwook (striker) |
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| 이근호 - Lee Keunho (winger/striker) |
The official "fanclub" if you will name for the South Korean National Football team is the Red Devils or 붉은 악마 (Bulgeun Ahgma).
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Oh, and if anyone attempts to smear the good name of the Korean national squad by bringing up the infamous 2002 World Cup scandals or the 2006 World Cup scandal, YOU DENY EVERYTHING. OUR OPPAS PLAYED CLEAN BALL GODDAMN IT
From Wikipedia: "The trademark mascot for the Red Devils is Chiwoo Cheonwang (치우천왕). A legendary figure in ancient Chinese and Korean history, the stories of brave Chiwoo Cheonwang influenced Korean folk tales and was interpreted into various designs of dokkaebi, which would be used in decorations for royal tombs and roof tiles. As Chiwoo Cheonwang is known as a symbol for victory and a guardian figure, the dokkaebi-like trademark was chosen to represent the club."
Wear red when you watch the games for maximum fanpower. Be sure to scream "대~한민국! (Dae~han Minguk)" too.
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| This'll do, Heo Yoon Mi. |
If you get a chance, watch the Japanese games and insult them at every turn. Nothing says Korean nationalism quite like anti-Japanese sentiment at every opportunity, amirite? Even though the Japanese team is much better than the Korean team at the moment (FIFA rank 48, SRI rank 32) RUB IN THE FACT THAT KOREA'S RECORD AGAINST JAPAN IS 44W-14L-22D
Oh, and if anyone attempts to smear the good name of the Korean national squad by bringing up the infamous 2002 World Cup scandals or the 2006 World Cup scandal, YOU DENY EVERYTHING. OUR OPPAS PLAYED CLEAN BALL GODDAMN IT
BE SURE TO GET YOUR BLOOD PUMPING BY WATCHING SOME KPOPPERS SUPPORT THE SK NATIONAL TEAM
And on that note, I can't wait for this year's clusterfucks of cheer songs. It will be glorious.
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