Wow. Such indigenous. So funny.

The most recent episode of "Gag Concert" has used blackface much to the chagrin of its international audience.

To summarize:

 ...Comedian Yoo Insuk said he would buy coffee for Song Pilgeun’s girlfriend Ahn Somi. Song stated, “Our Somi only drinks Americano” in rebuttal and, to this, Yoo introduced a group of indigenous Africans from the coffee machine saying, “here is the highest quality coffee brought straight from the source.” Unfortunately, these “indigenous Africans” were represented by blackface.

Obviously many Koreans are unaware of the history of blackface and its connotations, still I don't think it's excusable at this point considering the number of scandals we've already seen. I know mainstream media in Korea doesn't report on this nearly to the level other media might, especially in the West. Unfortunately until there is as much domestic uproar as there is abroad these scandals will continue to flare up.

As previously mentioned on this site, 2013 hasn't been a very good year overall for established groups.  However, the nugus were another story with several decent groups (as well as a lot of crap ones) stepping up to the plate, something which didn't escape my attention or the attentions of other writers on Anti Kpop-Fangirl.  Of course there was criticism for this:


I'd spend some time dissecting this docile mouth-breathing argument but there's no need as The Real CZ and Zaku both did a great job and I have nothing to add.  However, since covering shit nobody has heard of instead of stuff from the same old established labels seems to really hit a nerve with some folks, I thought it would be a good idea for me to embrace the nugus and make a regular thing of it.  So welcome to:



Nugu means "nobody" and is basically used to describe k-pop artists that nobody gives a fuck about.  Each Nugu Alert post will therefore highlight some k-pop MVs that few people have seen before, but which I think you should take a look at... it might be because I like the songs, but to be honest - that's highly unlikely.  I'm probably highlighting it for some other reason and each "Nugu Alert" MV will have at least one notable quality which I believe deserves your attention.

Some rules:

• Must have less than 20,000 YouTube hits
• Can be new or old
• Might not be technically new or unknown but certainly will be something I haven't seen other k-pop fans discuss or care about, so try to fucking control yourself if I link something that I don't know about but that you've been following for the last 15 years and are breakthrough stars or whatever
• Each MV gets a "nugu alert rating" which is a measure of the total condensed nuguness in the MV's running time - qualities that enhance nuguness are lack of YouTube hits, lack of money spent on the MV and song, and general "where are they now?" vibe even though the artist in question may still be very much active

Good or bad, I think it's worth highlighting nugus for ideological reasons.  For every new group that debuts on a TV show that nobody gives a fuck about, there's ten or fifty or a hundred other groups on tiny little labels that are so much smaller that they struggle to even get on the damn TV show.  Do you know how much competition there is for these things?  So much in fact, that label staff and artists grease and kiss ass all fucking day just to secure and maintain those 3 little minutes.  Combine that with the fact that there's not exactly much of a live performance culture for pop music outside of TV shows and you realise that these crappy low budget MVs are the only chance that a lot of groups get to even exist in the public eye at all.  The least you can do is watch the fucking things and attempt to extract some semblance of entertainment value before they get consigned to the dustbin of popular culture.

But there's thousands of these things!  Which ones to watch?  Ahhh... that's where Kpopalypse comes in to help you out, so let's get started with Episode One!

FRESH BOYZ - "KOALA"


I guess as an Australian I have to kick things off with a song about everyone's favourite local marsupial.  Some little-known facts about koalas:

• They may look cute but they are smelly, unfriendly, untameable creatures that scratch and piss everywhere, plus they fucking hate you
• Although an endangered species on the mainland, on Kangaroo Island they're in plague proportions and cause a lot of damage to plantlife, and no-one knows what to do about it because it's illegal to kill them
• The word "koala" is pronounced with three syllables, e.g "ko-A-la", not "KWA-la" like Fresh Boyz are doing it in this song

You won't give a shit about any of that stuff though once the video starts.  The video director wisely keeps Fresh Boyz themselves mostly absent from the visual side of the proceedings, devoting the large majority of the screen time to some model who makes up for the obvious starvation-level MV budget with underboob-flashing to rival those FX Girl videos. I don't know who she is but I've seen her in MVs before (and I'd really like to know her name by the way - surely some of you k-nerds know so don't be shy and tell me and I'll edit this post) - she's never looked quite like this, though.  I can't remember if it was Russ Meyer or Roger Corman who said "breasts are the best special effects" but whoever it was, the creative video which explores many different ways to almost show nipple certainly makes this ear-shredding reggaeton-inspired k-pop dance flatulence a lot more tolerable.  For a video with so much skin showing to get so few hits in an era when sexy concepts are raking in the cash and popularity is a remarkable achievement of nugudom.

YouTube hits at time of writing: 9459
Notable attribute: gratuitous underboob
Nugu alert rating: high

VALIANT - HIP HOP CAT


This kiddy hip-hop assault from 2012 is as cringeworthy and eardrum-raping as you'd expect, but for such an unpopular video it contains quite a few redeeming features that I didn't expect:

• They can actually dance pretty good for their age
• They can rap better than CL
• No awkward sexualisation in the style of Little PSY, thank the lord

*shudders in horror* IT'S NOT CUTE, IT'S WRONG.  If you ever need evidence that males bear the brunt of creepy inappropriate sexualisation in k-pop, here it is - and thank fuck the MV creators didn't make Valiant do something similar.  All you people whining about AOA and Gain and Hyuna and whoever else with the sexy concepts... get your priorities straight.  Getting Little PSY to put his fucking shirt back on is more important than your futile attempts to stifle healthy adult female sexuality.  But enough about you pretending to be a feminist while actually being completely misogynist, and more about Valiant's awful-but-probably-not-the-most-awful-thing-ever kiddie raps.

Of course there's nothing in the world more hip-hop in the entire universe than performing carefully choreographed dance routines in front of a graffiti mural background (just ask 2NE1), so that's mainly what Valiant's video consists of.  The main expenditure for this video seems to have been printing those t-shirts, the bus fare to the park and spending half a day putting little paper windmills in the ground... but that's okay because that just makes it look even more ghetto and broke which means it's more like hip-hop, right?


Okay, maybe not.

YouTube hits at time of writing: 3609
Notable attribute: has annoying kiddy rap and is basically rubbish but is still more listenable than Little PSY and CL's solo plus the last few 2NE1 comebacks
Nugu alert rating: very high

CHERRY KIM ft. SNK - SECRET L.O.V.E.


You'd have to be living under a pop-culture rock not to notice that zombies have really advanced heavily in popularity lately, turning up in all sorts of places from movies to MVs and TV shows with increasing regularity.   You can barely move for zombie computer games over the last few years, and there's plenty of TV shows and movies dedicated to our shuffling drooling friends (no, not Korean netizens, our OTHER shuffling drooling friends).  Long gone are the days when Michael Jackson's "Thriller" was the only zombie-themed MV on the block, with plenty of zombie MVs from allsortsofgenres and in k-pop T-ara and 4minute have both been getting in on the zombie act.

So what's the reason for this sudden surge in zombie popularity?  Well, it all started with the classic zombie movies from the 60s, and the reason why zombies have been a popular choice ever since for someone wanting to make a horror film is simple - zombies are cost-effective.  Think about it:

Ghosts:  Need some crazy special effects shit and camera trickery to make that work
Witches and vampires:  Gotta make them fly somehow without looking ultra-stupid, in movies realistic flying costs money
Dracula: spiffy clothes budget plus renting a mansion required bare minimum
Zombies: your brother's torn flannelette shirt, throwaway ripped jeans, some tomato sauce, some charcoal makeup and you're done

Nowhere is this better demonstrated than in the MV for Cherry Kim and SNK's grating earsore "Secret L.O.V.E.".  The budget here is so stretched that they couldn't even afford shotgun blanks, and opt to use cheap-ass superimposed CGI to fire most of the shots... plus they even recycle one of the BarBarBar locations:

I guess it's where all the nugus are allowed to go to shoot their stuff without paying site rental (remember nobody gave a fuck about Crayon Pop besides me and three other people when BarBarBar was being filmed).  A thousand nugus have probably danced on those coloured tiles.

YouTube hits at time of writing: 2762
Notable attribute: ambitious post-apocalyptic concept on minimal budget
Nugu alert rating: extreme


This concludes Episode One of "Nugu Alert".  There is no schedule for these, so another episode could appear at any time.  Be afraid.

This week's photo was found on tumblr:

~*~*~

 Uh........



That's not how it works.

Let me break this down for you.


If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to @akf_shinbi, ask them at ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you. Thank you, FISHies!

The song/album is so boring, the people in it trying to sing the song can't be bothered to give a shit.


The boys are all high out of their minds and Taeyeon has a look of utter despair on her face. Her eyes scream, "KILL ME PLS" but no one can hear her.

Actually, the only one who's mustering a semi-positive emotion is Krystal... But that's probably because she's thinking, "LOL THIS SONG SUCKS COCK BUT AT LEAST I'M GETTING PAID TO JUST LOOK GOOD AND NOT SING IT ANYWAY."

That method acting tho.

I was trying to catch up on KPop news when I stumbled across this article on Netizenbuzz that really blew my mind at how dumb netizens are. If there was ever a shining example for you to show your friends how truly idiotic some KPop fangirls/boys can be on the internet, AKF would exist for this moment.

MFW

"WHY ARE IDOLS THROWING AWAY THEIR PUBLIC SNS ACCOUNTS?"

1. [+797, -11] Because of you guys

2. [+618, -10] So stop turning everything they post into news, they're using it to communicate with their fans but you're not even letting them do that

3. [+298, -9] Because too many journalists put out eas articles over a Twitter tweet... articles that anyone could write if paid some money.

4. [+98, -4] Stars upload selcas on SNS for their fans to see but journalists pick em up release articles saying "goddess beauty" and crap, which is basically ammo for people to comment she's not a goddess, is all she does take selcas all day?;; Journalists are the problem

5. [+75, -3] SNS also leaves more room for them to make mistakes

6. [+82, -13] IU, T-ara, and Clara are examples of SNS misuse

So you're telling me that these people recognize when Korean "journalists" can't be assed to do real reporting get bored and post about "goddess beauty" selcas, but instead of calling them to task for their shitty mockery of real journalism instead blame those same journalists for providing ammo for hate comments all over the internet?


Why can't people see that they're part of the problem? I mean, the very act of posting about this phenomenon is a mindfuck on so many meta levels it hurts to think about it. There's complaints about hate comments complaining on an article about complaining about a lack of SNS accounts to mine out-of-context tweets or selfies.

At the end of the day, it's up to the individual to decide whether their time is well-spent on posting a dumb hate comment for karma but apparently it was worth. Sadly, until the day when such articles no longer generate the same amount of clicks/interest they do now, we get to deal with shit like this.

Hey guys, I thought I'd give you all an update about AKF's design. As you know, I changed the layout about a month ago, but I did it relatively quickly and there are many things that I'm not happy with. I also know, from people's comments online, that quite a few of you aren't too fond of the new layout either. That's why I have decided to revamp the site, once again, don't worry you won't have to deal with fonts like Paytone One or the teal colour scheme any more - the site will look much more cleaner.

I just wanted to give you heads up because I'll be updating the site over the next couple of days (including today), and since I'd rather not take the site offline for a few days, if AKF takes a while to load or looks different it's because I'm playing around with the code.

I hope you enjoy the new features when you get to see the completed site!

Fans of f(x) are always complaining about the group getting minimal comebacks and basically being neglected by SM in various ways compared to the label's other flagship groups.  Is it true?  If so, what's the reason for it?  Could things be changed for the better?  I thought it would be fun to explore the answers and possibilities in a fictional story about f(x) fans and their hopes and dreams.



You're a thirteen year old Korean fangirl, and f(x) is your favourite group.  Krystal is your favourite member, because she's so pretty like her sister Jessica in SNSD, but she seems more "real" somehow.  You don't know how to explain it - she just is.  You also like Amber because she's kinda different and tomboy but it's seemingly not a barrier to anything so she makes you feel good about not being that pretty yourself - if SHE can be a success, surely there's hope for someone like you to also do well in life.  You hate it when others bash her and call her ugly or a lesbian - she's just different, like you.  The others seem okay... well, people reckon Sulli's a bit of a bitchy princess (also way too pretty, it's not fair) but you can let it slide.  You still love them.  All your friends are mainly into boy groups like EXO and you don't mind them too, but something about f(x) just makes them special.

You're a devoted fan.  Your bedroom is covered in f(x) posters and for the last few weeks you've been hanging out around the rear of the SM building after classes.  The EXO saseangs are always at the front waiting in cars or standing around the entrance-way smoking cigarettes, sometimes they also drink, you try and stay away from those girls, the rear is a bit quieter.  You haven't seen any of f(x) yet, but it's okay - just knowing that you're close to them for a few hours is enough, somehow.   One day someone came out the back and you thought it was Luna because she had the same hair, and you got so excited and you screamed... she turned around and it was just some office lady or something, she was about 45 years old.  She looked at you with contempt - you were so embarrassed!  It's usually not exciting like that though, in fact it can be really boring sitting around so you spend a lot of time playing games on your phone, and interacting via SNS with other members of the f(x) fandom who still don't have an official name yet (god that burns).

One evening, you're out the back of the SM building after school and it's boring as usual, not much is happening.  The girls themselves are presumably in there somewhere... it's hard to know, because they don't have any schedules right now.  Why the hell not?  Damn SM.  Anyway, it's getting late so you've given up hope of them appearing.  You look down the alleyway, and see some large rubbish skips by the rear wall.  You think to yourself... "wow, that's probably SM's rubbish... I wonder what they throw away?".


The combination of curiosity plus sorely needing something extra to do to pass the time waiting makes the temptation irresistible.  You take out your house keys and puncture the side of a garbage bag gently.  Instantly, a rancid methane smell fills the air... food scraps, ugh.  You move over to the next skip and find a bag that feels a bit more solid.  One of them feels like it's got cardboard in it or something.  You tear the side of it open with your keys, and a bunch of pink and white bits of cardboard fall out.   Hey, wait a second, you recognise these...


It's copies of the "Pink Tape" album!  Why are SM throwing THESE out?  Wow, they really don't seem to care about the group whatsoever... how typical.  You wish you could say you were surprised, but you're not.  You haul the entire bag out of the skip, and empty the contents onto the ground.  There's about 30 copies of "Pink Tape" there, you stack them up neatly and take a photo with your phone.  They're all complete editions with the CD inside and everything, you could probably donate these to the fandom, there's probably a few people who don't have this great album yet.  There's also a couple of large size posters here:


You're upset that SM is throwing these out, but hey, at least they'll look good in your bedroom, and posters are a big expense for you so some free ones are certainly welcome!  You also notice something else:


A promotional aluminium water bottle, back from SNSD's "Genie" days.. you know, back when the group sounded decent.  Pretty pathetic that SNSD only get their junk thrown out years later, and it's only one thing, whereas f(x) get dozens of copies of their album thrown out only a few months after it's come out... pathetic SM and their typical preferential treatment, you think to yourself.  You could use a water bottle though, so you pick it up... it feels unusually heavy, like, really heavy, it slips through your fingers and falls on the ground, and then something magical happens:



In a puff of blue smoke, Yuri appears!  She ejects from the bottle with a loud hiss and falls on the ground.

"Oh my god, Yuri!" you scream. (Okay, it would be better if it was an f(x) member, but this is still pretty exciting for you.)

Yuri looks up at you with complete disdain, bordering on hatred.  "Oh fuck, not another fangirl - please kill me."

You look puzzled:  "...Yuri?"

Yuri rolls her eyes and sighs heavily.  "I'm NOT Yuri, okay?  I'm just a genie.  SM thought it would be a cool marketing gimmick if I looked like one of the SNSD girls, so that's what THEY wished for.  Can you believe I'm actually a guy?  Do you know how annoying it is to be trapped inside a woman's body.... AND trapped in a bottle?"

"I thought genies were supposed to live in lamps?"

"Give me a break, it's the 21st century, bitch.  Can we get to the wishes part already?  I'm already sick of looking at your ugly face, you gross fangirls make me want to get to the vanishing part real quick."

You think to yourself... wishes?  So, this is a real genie?  Does that mean you get three wishes, like in the fairytales?  "Do I get three wishes?" you ask.

"Two.  One was already taken by the CEO before they corked me in that fucking thing."  Yur... the genie is still lying on the ground, she moves her body around a bit to get comfortable.  She seems to have no intention of standing up.

Thinking about genie stories that you used to read when you were younger, you start to feel cautious.  Those stories always turned out terribly!  There's always something that the wisher never considers, or some horrible twist to each one.  "There's no catch, is there?"

The Yuri-lookalike genie sighs again.  "You get what you wish for.  The wish will last for your whole life if it's a wish for some kind of 'situation', like world peace or whatever, or if it's a 'thing' or 'event' you wish for, you WILL get that thing or event.  It's that simple.  Just be careful what you wish for, because it WILL happen, exactly as you say it, and then you have to deal with it.  You've only got two wishes, don't waste them on some bullshit that you didn't think through."

You instantly reply: "My first wish - I want to meet Krystal from f(x)!"

The genie screams.  "Oh FUCK YOU.  You could have wished for anything and changed the world, and you pick meeting some fucking stupid bitch in a k-pop group?  You're pathetic!  You fucking fangirls are hopeless!"

"B-but I've wanted to meet her like forever!  What if I never get to meet her?"

"Hey no need to argue with me about it.  It's not up to me, I don't exactly have a fucking choice.  It's granted.  What's the other wish?  I'm sure it's also some f(x) crap and I haven't got all night for talking to ugly teenagers so just fucking get on with it."  The genie looks thoroughly bored.

"Okay, I want SM to prioritize f(x) more; I want f(x) to get more comebacks, a big concert, a proper fanclub name, and not get overshadowed by the other groups on SM all the time, so they can realise their true potential."

Another heavy sigh from the genie: "Well, okay... technically that's quite a few wishes squeezed into one you selfish cunt, but I'll let it slide because nitpicking about it might mean I have to look at your phenomenally ugly face for a few more seconds.  Granted.  Give me until the end of the year.  It'll all happen."

"I don't get my wishes straight away?"

"For fuck's sake!  Look you ugly bitch - a comeback and a concert tour takes some time to organise.  The girls gotta practice the new songs and the new dance routines for the comebacks too.  Don't worry, you'll get your wish."  The Yuri-genie gives a faint smile as she vanishes into a puff of smoke, leaving behind the empty bottle, now light as a feather, which you pick up and stash in your backpack.  The genie is gone.

Over the next few months, the genie is remarkably true to her word.  Later in the year f(x) do come back with a new mini-album, and a new song, which is their best one yet - but this time, they do two full months of promotions, and during this time SM temporarily push back all their other groups' activities!  Not only that, but as soon as the TV promotions are finished, SM announce the first three-hour long f(x) concert in Seoul, a Asian showcase tour, another follow-up comeback MV, and that live on stage they will be announcing their official fanclub name!  You're so excited - it couldn't have worked out better, apart from a few minor downsides: the new song and mini album oddly wasn't the smash hit you were expecting, and the girls had a bit of trouble performing the routines on some of the stages, leading to the usual "lazy performers" controversy.  You're used to that though - it happens every single time they come back, and it's just jealous Sones, you figure.  It's no big deal, nothing you and the newly solidified f(x) fanbase can't handle.  The only thing truly missing from the equation is that despite waiting diligently outside of the SM building every day after school you still haven't met Krystal yet... but you're sure that's coming - it MUST be.  Everything else came true, so it's surely only a matter of time!

You decide to put pen to paper and write to Krystal.  Maybe you have to take the initiative, after all how is she going to find you if she doesn't know where you are?



Etc.  You spend a good few pages spilling your guts about how horrible SM were before and how much preferential treatment other groups used to get in one massive run-on sentence.  At the end you sign it with your name and address, then you post it and you cross your fingers.

You don't have to wait long.  A few days later, an envelope arrives from SM Entertainment.  With trembling hands, you hastily open it and unfold the letter within - could this be it?



You spend a few minutes running around your room spazzing like the fangirl that you are.  When you calm down, you quickly write back and get the ball rolling.  It's not long before you're contacted on the phone by a male representative for SM Entertainment, who confirms that you are "that fan".  You offer to meet out the back of SM Entertainment offices, a location that by now you're very familiar with, but instead they organise for a limousine to pick you up from your house.

You protest: "Is that really needed?  I know my way there..."

"Krystal insists.  She's very grateful and she wants it to be a special occasion for you.  But one thing..."

"Yes?"

"Don't tell anyone.  We need you to keep what is happening a secret, otherwise your house will get mobbed by fans and we'll have to call it off.  You must understand this, it's very important.  No telling anybody, not even your parents are allowed to know who is in the limousine.  If the limousine arrives and anybody else besides you is there waiting for it, it will just drive away.  Oh, and bring the bottle with you, you still have it, yes?"

"Yes, I do."

"Good.  Bring it with you.  SM recycling initiative.  We'll be in touch later with a time."

You say goodbye, hang up the phone and spazz some more.


A few days later, there you are, around the corner from your house, waiting on a quiet street.  You decided it was best not for the limo to pick you up right outside your front door.  You monitor the time with your phone, and sure enough, right when the clock ticks over, a white limousine with tinted windows rounds the corner and parks on the other side of the street.



You walk over, and a man dressed in a suit opens the rear door and gets out.  He beckons for you to come in.  You poke your head inside, and freak out.  There is Krystal... and Sulli, sitting on the seat opposite!

"Come on, get in!  Don't be shy!"  Krystal beckons and smiles at you.  Oh my god, she looks just like on TV.  You get in nervously, and the man who opened the door for you gets in behind you.  He is sitting next to you, Krystal and Sulli are on the opposite side.  You're speechless, you don't know what to say.  You become conscious of your jaw hanging open, so you shut it.  You feel the limousine driving off.

Krystal yells to the driver in the front "central locking please!".

Krystal and Sulli both start doing aegyo-style smiling faces at you, like this:



You hear a "click, click" throughout the whole vehicle.  Central locking.  Upon hearing this noise, the smiles vanish from Krystal and Sulli's faces instantly.

Sulli takes a deep breath and looks at Krystal.  "Thank fuck for that.  I don't know, aegyo just makes me want to bash a cunt in the face.  How about you?"

You are shocked.  Does she really talk like this?  You go to open your mouth, Sulli stares you down immediately.

"Not you, cunt - don't you even open your mouth if you know what's good for you.  I was talking to Krystal.  You just shut the fuck up and say nothing."  She turns back to Krystal.  "Well?"

Krystal thinks, and then replies: "Sulli, you have definitely always gotten the brunt of it, I must say.  They don't really expect as much of it from me.  At least, not until recently."  Krystal turns her gaze to directly meet yours.  "Lately things have changed a little around here, and not for the better."

You look at Krystal and start to become really scared.  She's obviously very angry at you.  In the meantime you just notice that the bag that contains your personal belongings has been taken by the guy sitting next to you.  He takes out your mobile phone and the bottle that you brought with you and hands them to Krystal.  Krystal instantly rolls down the tinted window on her side and flings your phone outside.  You hear it shatter against something hard, then just as quickly Krystal rolls the window straight back up.

You protest: "Hey, that's m...."

That's the last thing you say as Krystal takes the bottle from the bag and thrusts the blunt end at you in a stabbing motion, dislocating your nose, while yelling at you: "Fucking shut up, bitch!"

Krystal turns to Sulli.  "Sulli, I believe you were going to ask me something?"

Sulli responds with a question in an insincere fake-preppy voice.  "Oh yes.  Krystal, please tell - how have things changed for f(x) in the past few months?"

"Well Sulli, we used to have the good life, didn't we.  Only one video a year, only a week or two of performances, no annoying touring, no big shows... just lots of advertising and modelling work to pay the bills and bank up some money.  And that was more or less it, wasn't it?  We'd actually get to sleep for 8 hours most nights."

"You can thank me for that, Krystal.  I'd always make sure I performed in a lazy manner so SM would shelve our live stages quickly out of embarrassment.  I hate standing around all fucking day on those stupid TV shows waiting to shake hands with some cockhead, my back hurts after a while and my knees get sore."

"Now it's all fucking different.  Thanks to this bitch."  Krystal glares at you, then reaches into her bag and pulls something out.  It's the letter you wrote to her.  "Listen to this hilarity: 'I want f(x) to have more videos for their songs, there should be more than one MV per album, and they should perform on shows longer' - oh fuck I can barely go on... 'why don't you have an official fanclub name yet, or a concert, why is SM treating you so mean' ...."  Krystal looks up at you occasionally while reading this with a cold expression, seemingly completely unmoved by the fact that blood is now streaming down your face.

Sulli laughs while looking out the window at passing traffic, equally disinterested in your predicament.  "Treating us mean?  Christ, this bitch is so dumb.  We were treated like queens before SM actually started making us work for a living.  Don't tell me all our fans are this fucking stupid."

Krystal drops the letter on the floor and steps on it.  Then she looks at you.  "You know how long it takes to shoot a fucking music video?  We work on that shit 24 hours around the clock until it's done, no sleep.  Then there's the dance practice which takes months to get right and we're up late at night, every night, working on that.  We get two or three hours of sleep, every night, from when we start practicing a routine months before it comes out, right up until after it's released and all the promotions are done.  And you and your fucking genie multiplied that so we're now doing this shit back to back, all the fucking time like motherfucking slaves, and not even making any extra money out of it, and you actually think you're doing us a favour?  We were one of the only big groups who actually got regular breaks between work!  Now it's just like being in fucking SNSD!  Do you know how jealous Jessica was of me?"

You go to say something, but you don't know what to say.  You never thought about it like this.
Krystal continues.  "Don't even fucking get me started about that fucking concert we have to do.  How long is it going to be like this for?  Did the genie say to you anything about that?"

Scared, you don't say anything.  Krystal raises the metal bottle as if she's about to attack you again.  Frightened, you stammer out "the wish will last for m...my whole life.  That's what she said."

Krystal puts the bottle down.  She looks over at Sulli.

Sulli stares nonchalantly out the window at the traffic.  "We have to kill her.  It's the only way."

Krystal repeats "we have to kill her", seemingly making it definite in her mind.  You try to struggle but there's nowhere to go; the man sitting next to you pins your arms to your sides as soon as you make a move.

Sulli looks over at Krystal.  "I'm not putting up with any of this shit for the rest of this little cunt's life if she's going to live beyond next week, that's for sure.  I told our CEO that the genie was a fucking bad idea and it would cause some shit.  I told him.  But does he ever listen to me?"

Krystal laughs.  "Hey, at least it wasn't one of those EXO kids who found it.  Can you imagine?  Speaking of which, let's go and pick Kai up."

Sulli nods.  "Good thinking, I'll let him know".

Tears start running down your cheeks as you realise that your short life as a f(x) fangirl is about to come to a swift end.  Maybe it's fitting that this is happening at the hands of f(x) themselves, after all you did say on forums not long ago that you would die for f(x).  Sulli takes a photo of you with her phone and then starts texting.  You start crying.

Minutes go by of sobbing and tears and then the limo pulls up somewhere.  Sulli gets out, Kai from EXO gets in, then Sulli re-enters and the limo starts driving again.  Kai looks you over, seemingly paying close attention to every inch of your bruised, bloodied face.


Krystal asks "what do you think?  Bom?"

Kai replies.  "No.  Bom's done for now, she won't need anything for another 6 months at least.  Boram might want the cheeks though, I know she's been looking.  You didn't bust her in the cheekbone, did you?"

"No.  I just hit her in the nose."

"You need to be careful.  We could have used that."

"Trust me, if you saw the ugly nose on this one you'd realise it wouldn't have been useful."

Kai shrugs: "I guess I have to believe you, don't I."

You wonder how much longer you have left.  You figure if there's anything you want to know before you die, now's probably a good time to ask.  You speak quietly: "Can I ask something?"

Sulli reaches into her purse, and takes out a small handgun with a silencer attached.  She stares at you - "what is it, cao ni ma?"

"Since I probably don't have much longer left to live... can I ask... why f(x) never had an official fanclub name?"

Sulli, then Krystal, then Kai, all start laughing together.

"What... what's so funny?" you ask.

"You're a dumb bitch, and you're about to die soon - that's what's funny." Sulli retorts, chuckling while aiming the gun at your head.

Krystal takes a deep breath and looks at you.  "Do you know what "f(x)" means?  It's a mathematical formula; variable function, depending on input - 'f' is function, 'x' is the unknown, symbolizing that each member, with our unique and valuable talents, brings something different to the group.    Without this input, x has no meaning, it's just empty.  So if the group name is an unknown function because it's subject to variation depending on input from the group, wouldn't the fanclub name also be subject to variation on the same principle, but from fan input?  So why should the company decide the name?"

Sulli takes a deep breath, pushing the silencer barrel hard against your temple.  "She'll be gone in five seconds.  Why are you even telling her this?"

Krystal smiles and stares at you.  "I like to see the light go on behind their eyes just before they die."

Sorry if your drawing gets posted.

Yeah, so JYPE have decided to go for a vampire concept for Sunmi's mini-album and the teaser is well...just beware for the 0:24 mark.

Out of all the nugu groups, these girls really have something special. That something special has a mysterious name long forgotten, it is called... talent.


Now, I don't mean to say that all idol groups completely lack talent of any sort. Certainly they have plenty of talent in being sexy or charming, a bit less have talent in dancing well, and most of them have at least one person who can sing. But how many groups have all talented members? Especially of the new groups?

I mean, I love A Pink, though they can't be considered new now, and with them I must admit only half of them can really sing worth shit. Their concern is singing well enough to not distract you from how lovely they are, because loveliness is their focus. Then you have really new groups like Bestie, who make for a fabulous time, and Uji is a fabulous singer, but Haeryung is worthless in that regard and Dahye is mostly just an idol-rapper with idol-passable singing. Full-package talent isn't their main offer.

That simple notion, one of an actually talented group offering the whole package, and making the whole package their main offer... Well, it just doesn't seem to be attempted much anymore. Ladies Code isn't just attempting it, they are doing it. Therefore, they shit all over your nugu favs, and even half of your older favs. This is a worthy group, like Sistar or Secret, except not copying either one. If anything they are more akin to a Wonder Girls 2.0 (as the general style WG ended up, not as the R&B they began with) but still their own thing, and more talented overall.

Anyway, I'm just saying to give them a chance. I think they are headed for good things and will offer a lot of good.

Won Bin is one of the few infallible gods of Korean entertainment, the man can literally do no wrong. His name would constantly be hyped and media played to unbearable levels, but not only would netizens ignore it, they encouraged it.

Dubbed "The Life Sculpture" for being as naturally handsome as if a god spent a little extra time on this guy. "Alien" for being unearthly handsome. "CG creation" for being as handsome as if someone drew/animated him that way. The man allegedly turns lesser men and women into "octopi" in his mere presence or even having his picture next to theirs. You're starting to get the idea here, but apparently his selflessness (he's been known to do charitable works both lowkey and media played) and reclusiveness (not even Korean paparazzi can find bad pics of this guy) combined with his good looks gives him some kind of untouchable aura that no scandal can mar. Not that he's had any significant scandals mar his career in the first place.

The biggest thing to date was a straight up dating scandal. That would put down any normal celebrity for months on end, but it doesn't even phase him. The man hooks up with some hot young actress and instead of screaming how unfit she was for him, netizens merely shrugged and went about their day. He could shit on a little girl's face in broad daylight in the middle of Seoul and people would be jealous instead of mad. Even netizens were self-aware of this phenomenon, wondering what it would take for people to get mad at Won Bin.

Until now.

BRACE YOURSELVES, THE UNTHINKABLE HAS OCCURRED. PUBLIC OPINION HAS FINALLY BEGUN TO TURN ON WON BIN.

"Fuck, I ain't ready for this shit."

Warning: Lots of text, lots of difficult to read tables because fuckin Blogger deletes my formatting
I started off with a small article but it morphed into something bigger and uglier. Oop.

Article: When will he comeback? Won Bin-ssi, isn't it time to promote again

Source: TV Daily via Nate

1. [+1,135, -54] Kim Soo Hyun's daebak already but... imagine if Won Bin did 'You Who Came From the Stars'... He would've really looked like an alien ㅋㅋㅋ

2. [+611, -13] So hurry up and come out~ It's good to do charity work behind the scenes but please do some charity for the eyes of viewers by giving us some eye candy ㅎㅎ We want to see your handsome face ♥.♥ 

3. [+498, -13] Yeah, if you look him up on Naver, his recent activities is just empty... I guess it's one of two things... He's either really careful when it comes to picking projects or he's really~ lazy and would rather stay home since he makes enough money off of CFs.

4. [+61, -11] Reminds me of what Lee Soon Jae said at the awards ceremonies when he talked ill of actors who get popular off of one work and then live off of CF money... Won Bin's handsome and a good actor but he doesn't work often enough. Sometimes I wonder if he's an actor or a CF star.

5. [+51, -8] His looks are undeniably the best but I prefer actors like Ha Jung Woo who doesn't care about his image or anything and works hard in all of his projects as opposed to a an actor who does nothing but CFs sometimes. 

6. [+40, -7] What's the point of being so handsome when he doesn't work... I prefer actors who continue to work even as supporting roles when necessary even if they're not as handsome as him.

7. [+40, -9] If you are truly an actor, I hope you will stop shying away from works so much. An actor needs to act to be an actor. 

8. [+34, -11] Won Bin does one work every 3-4 years... Hard to call him an actor at this point. 

9. [+24, -6] Someone whose job is a doctor must treat patients every day, someone whose job is a taxi driver must drive his taxi every day, someone whose job is a student must study every day... and someone whose job is to act should be acting as often as possible, like Ha Jung Woo... Doesn't seem right for Won Bin to receive all of this love from the public and not do anything with it.

10. [+24, -7] He's not really an actor... just a handsome star.

"WTF DID I JUST READ... WON BIN GON' HAVE TA SMACK A BITCH?"

People are complaining that he's not done anything or landed any new gigs aside from the odd CF? Smells like the typical bullshit netizen entitlement that plagues Korean entertainment. Like many people have said in the past, the constant barrage of promotions Korean stars do -- whether it's comeback singles or new CF deals or new drama roles or movie performances or stage/theatre pieces -- desensitizes people to the normally rigorous demands of the industry itself. It's really goddamn hard out there to get a new gig in the first place, and unless you've got sponsorship, industry connections, or cash to throw around, you're not doing shit until you get one or more of the previous.

Year	Movie	Role
2004	Collateral	Vincent
2005	War of the Worlds	Ray Ferrier
2006	Mission: Impossible III	Ethan Hunt
2007	Lions for Lambs	Senator Jasper Irving
2008	Valkyrie	Claus von Stauffenberg
2008	Tropic Thunder	Les Grossman
2010	Knight and Day	Roy Miller
2011	Mission: Impossible – Ghost Protocol	Ethan Hunt
2012	Rock of Ages	Stacee Jaxx
2012	Jack Reacher	Jack Reacher
2013	Oblivion	Jack Harper
2014	Edge of Tomorrow	Lt. Col. William "Bill" Cage

Year	Movie	Film or Drama	Role
2004	Everybody Has Secrets	Film	Choi Su Hyeon
	Three Extremes - segment "Cut"	Film	Ryu Ji Ho
2005	A Bittersweet Life	Film	Kim Sun Woo
2006	Once in a Summer	Film	Yun Suk Young
2008	The Good, the Bad, the Weird	Film	Park Chang Yi, the Bad
2009	I Come with the Rain	Film	Su Dong Po
	G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra	Film	Storm Shadow
	Iris	Drama	Kim Hyun Jun
2010	Iris: The Movie	Film	Kim Hyun Jun
	The Influence	Film	W
	I Saw the Devil	Film	Kim Soo Hyeon
2012	Masquerade (Gwanghae: The Man Who Became King)	Film	King Gwang Hae, Beggar Ha Sun[33]
2013	G.I. Joe: Retaliation	Film	Storm Shadow
	RED 2	Film	Han Jo Bae / Han Cho Bai
2014	Memories of the Sword	Film	Deok Gi

Yeah, I'll admit there's quite the stark difference between Won Bin and everyone else, Korea or not Korea. Perhaps some of the criticism is warranted, but it's still highly entitled of people to expect actors to star in roles at their beck and call, especially one of the A-lister gods like these guys. All of the actors above (across the pond or not) have taken 2-4 year hiatuses in their careers before, even recently as you can see for yourself in their filmographies, so why is it so weird that Won Bin is as well? It's not like he owes it to these people to star in things, and it's not like he asked for the circlejerky adoration/zealotry he receives from people online. It's simply unfair and really fucking dumb to expect this shit of him or anyone else, really.

Besides, if I was dating someone like Lee Na Young


and rolling in the dough without lifting a finger, I'd just stay home and bang her all day too.

While I was working on the previous article on Won Bin, I was Googling a list of A-list actors to talk about on the Hollywood side. Guess who popped up too?

FUCKING LOL

NUFF SAID. I LIKE TOP AND ALL, BUT TO CONSIDER FREQUENTLY MENTIONED ON THE WEB AS AN A-LISTER AMONG GIANTS LIKE ROBERT DE NIRO OR AL PACINO?

WHAT A JOKE