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Ju Da Ha Cosplays with Weapons
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[MV Review] A Pink - Mr. Chu
Korean pop has come to a standstill since the Sewol incident, and with things slowly picking up, now is the perfect time to look back at some songs that came out but were not covered on AKF. First up in A Pink's "Mr. Chu." A Pink was winning on music shows before the ferry incident. A Pink usually is very solid with their releases, so let's see how "Mr. Chu" stands out.
Unfortunately, Mr. Chu is a letdown considering that A Pink has a higher bar compared to other groups. When a group has released great songs such as "My My" and "NoNoNo," "Mr. Chu" feels like a kick in the balls. The song isn't bad, but it feels lifeless. The chorus is decent, but the instrumental should have been layered with more instruments, as it felt basic. A higher BPM would have definitely helped. The song lacks an interesting bridge. I would rather have had Eunji unleash some notes for the vocal fags to jack it too instead of the underwhelming bridge the song threw at us. In the end, the song is passable, but easily forgettable. Go listen to "My My" instead.
While the song itself doesn't provide much to be excited over, the netizens' ridiculous attacks on A Pink is what made this comeback worth it. Supposedly A Pink copied f(x)'s uniforms.
"OH MY FUCKING GOD, A WHITE, COLLARED SHIRT, A SKIRT AND HIGH KNEE SOCKS! THESE FUCKING CUNTS PLAGIARIZED F(X)! LET'S IGNORE THE FACT THAT I WISH FOR EVERY GIRL TO WEAR THE SAME UNIFORM IN MY FANTASIES WHILE I FAP!!!!" - Dumbass Korean Netizen #549305
I doubt the ulterior motive is to force A Pink to remove their clothing while performing this song, so I cannot get behind this plagiarism accusation. If that were the case, I would be behind the netizens on this one. However, with the weight Chorong has lost, her body probably resembles an Ethiopian teenager. Unless you have a fetish fat girls who turn into skeletons with loose skin drooping from their bodies (I'm looking at you, No), then I doubt you would be behind seeing A Pink remove their clothing on stage to appease illogical netizens.
Better luck next time, A Pink.
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[MV Review] Crayon Pop - Uh-ee
Crayon Pop returned with "Uh-ee" and the only thing that pops up in my mind is "Uh." This is far from Crayon Pop's best release, but it's enough to satiate the die hard fans.
What makes Crayon Pop stand out is that they don't take themselves seriously while putting out catchy tunes. This allows the group to do bizarre concepts that "serious" K-Pop fans love to hate on. Crayon Pop is stan-worthy on the criteria alone. Crayon Pop reminds me of T-ara when T-ara is doing their upbeat, light-hearted songs instead of their dark songs accompanied by a 2 hour music video.
However, "Uh-ee" does nothing for me. The song was hyped, but the end result is akin to finding a Japanese porno to watch because you see a couple of hot chicks in the video preview just to find out that it's censored. "Uh-ee" is a throwback to the trot genre and succumbs to trot's major weakness: the whole song sounds the same. The chorus isn't differentiated enough from the verses and there isn't much of a bridge in the song. In many pop songs, you can point to whatever caught your ear, but it's hard to do that in "Uh-ee" since it's three minutes of the same thing.
The concept was a letdown along with the song. I normally enjoy seeing what Crayon Pop attempts to pull off, but this concept was a flounder. Again, they pulled it off in their previous songs and music videos, but it felt flat here.
While most Crayon Pop fans will tell you this is the greatest thing of 2014, I advise you to go back and listen to "Bing Bing" and "Dancing Queen" and hope Crayon Pop returns with a better song later this year.
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Why do Koreans Hate BoA?
Normally I would expect Koreans to worship BoA (as she should be), but lately there have been negative reactions towards her. I understand that not everyone is going to like a certain person, but people in the god/goddess tier should be exceptions to the rule, or so I thought.
First of all, Koreans should thank BoA for bringing attention to their country. Without her, the majority of foreigners would not give a shit about Worst Korea. You could bring up the likes of Korean MMORPGs, Hyundai, Kia, Samsung and LG bringing attention to Korea, but at the time BoA was blowing up, Korean MMORPGs were only known for being boring grinders and Hyundai, Kia, Samsung and LG were still having quality control issues, releasing shitty products that ended up in the bargain bin. If anything, Korea back then had the same image of China today: a country that releases low-quality products that aren't even worth wiping your ass with.
BoA debuted in Japan in 2001 and launched to the top of the Oricon chart. Koreans started bandwagoning and became fans of BoA. She is one the major pioneers of the Hallyu. Though many people (such as myself) started giving a shit about Korea after discovering BoA, many others discovered Kpop through other artists who would not have had the map laid out for them if it was not for BoA. Being Korean didn't automatically make me care about Korea because I thought Korea was a third-world country that released second-rate products for mass consumption. The companies I mentioned have made major improvements over the past decade, but it still is taking them a long time to shed off their previous images.
While such companies gave people a bad impression of Korea, BoA was a major player in turning around the conception people had of Korea. People who witnessed BoA when she was a teenager would leave remarks such as "Oh, she's so cute. She dances and sings well, plus she has great songs." People who discovered BoA when she became an adult would leave remarks such as "I would pee in her butt. Plus her songs are really good." Naturally, most people discovered BoA through J-Pop, which naturally made people think BoA was Japanese. Later on, people discovered BoA was Korean through finding her Korean songs, and others deduced that she couldn't be Japanese because her teeth were straight. Now all of these fans, who knew nothing about Korea and likely thought of Korea as a poor man's version of Japan now saw Korea in a better light because their favorite artist was Korean.
Seeing as how BoA helped change the perception of Korea to many fans (who may or may not have been weeaboos), I would assume Koreans would be thankful for that. Before the Hallyu, Kim Jong-il was more relevant than anyone from South Korea. That was silly of me to have such as assumption. This is fucking Korea we're talking about, land of the Kimchi faggots who complain about every little thing. In order to make themselves feel somewhat better, they have to drag someone down to share their misery with others. If one Korean netizen is miserable, it's not okay for a goddess such as BoA to be on a pedestal. Fuck that shit, UCAAD.
You may have read netizens giving crap to BoAaboutheracting, and not having the face for acting, but it's all a bunch of bullshit. Who the fuck is ever great the first time they do something? Koreans love the believe in geniuses, but those are rare. Most "geniuses" have simply dedicated their time to their craft. People such as Mozart and Tiger Woods weren't born to excel in what they did. They put in the time from the very young age and dominated their respective fields. Of course BoA isn't going to be jjangbak her first time. That's why people work to improve. Do you think every porn star was able to hump hot chicks for hours on end from the beginning? No, they lasted one minute one second (as everyone would last that long banging Jiyeon.) It takes everyone time to get better. Look at how netizens reacted to Goo Hye Sun in 2012 and now in 2014 during the airing of Angel Eyes.
BoA finally has a flaw that can be exploited, and that's her lack of experience of acting. Korean netizens who haven't accomplished anything can feel like they have accomplished a lot by attacking BoA, someone who has accomplished more than 99 percent of Koreans ever will. BoA filmed a Korean movie earlier this year while juggling promotions in Japan for "Shout It Out" while salty Korean netizens accomplished getting 500 upvotes in the comments section of an article about BoA.
Maybe I would also hate BoA if I was a miserable cunt, but I'm not one. I can attempt to analyze why Koreans are such miserable cunts. Luckily that isn't an inheritable trait.
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Goddess Sawajiri Erika Shows Why Talent Isn't Important
From the look of things, K-Pop should be returning to normal next week. In the meantime, enjoy all the stuff from the rest of Asia I have been/will be posting.
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Rania to come back this summer!
Back from the kpop trash heap
Seriously, didn't Rania disband not too long ago, or did I miss something? It's so hard to keep up with the news these days. I'm a busy woman.
I can't tear myself away from this for just anything.
Even odder than Rania still being a thing is that apparently the group is coming back under a Spanish label. I mean, I guess that's good. They're still doing stuff, including a reality show in Spain.
And I know this news is legit, because the label updated its Facebook cover photo.
Fuck yeah, who wants to carpool to the Rania auditions with me?
Well, since I don't really like any Rania songs, I can't think of an appropriate way to end this other than:
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Korean Netizens Say Hysterical Shit about Han Ye Seul Entering the Chinese Market
If I was an editor for the Oxford English Dictionary, I would change the definition of "Stockholm Syndrome" to state "see Korean." At this point, Koreans will always support the status quo despite how bad it is. Koreans are people that complain about something but do everything in their power to keep anything from actually changing. A good example is the Sewol ferry disaster. The public outcry has been huge, but I have a feeling not one thing will change as the result of the captain's actions. If anything, I would not be surprised if ferry companies continued operating in the same fashion tomorrow as they are today.
As reported by Soompi, Han Ye Seul has signed with a company to enter the Chinese market. Ever since signing with SB Entertainment last year, the agency has been looking forward to a Korean comeback and overseas activity, the first choice being Hollywood on account of Han Ye Seul being American.
I have written about this issue here and here. I'll just sum both articles up here and focus on one thing from this Netizen Buzz article. Koreans complain about the Korean drama filming conditions and plead for changes, but consistently hate upon the one person who had the potential to be a catalyst for the desired change. Crazy shit, I know.
However, comment #8 actually had me laughing out loud:
8. [+338, -15] So her money must be out... with no work. She ran away from Korea for poor work conditions but she's moving to a country with worse conditions? Don't run away from film sets in China, Han Ye Seul. You'll gain hundreds of thousands of antis.Yes, somehow the Chinese drama industry is worse than the Korean drama industry. The horrible conditions that plague Korean dramas are well documented. Here are several articles courtesy of Dramabeans: Spy Myung Wol #1, Spy Myung Wol #2, Spy Myung Wol #3, Age of Feeling #1, Age of Feeling #2, Age of Feeling #3, Age of Feeling #4, Song Ji Hyo #1. Do you know how many articles I found about Chinese dramas shooting 22 hours a day seven days a week? How many articles about Chinese dramas having to delay episodes because an episode might not be finished on time? How many articles about Chinese actors ending up in the hospital for serious injuries to return to the filming set later that day? Zero. Fucking zero.
It's not just the filming conditions being better, it's the pay. Chinese dramas actually pay their actors. In this NB article, Chinese actors get paid $130,000 USD each episode. Top Korean actors are lucky to make $30,000 per episode. Consider that many Chinese dramas are around 40 episodes in length compared the 16 episodes for Korean dramas. (130,000 * 40) >>>>>>> (30,000 * 16). That is with better filming conditions, as China pre-produces all of their dramas like normal fucking countries.
Assuming that Han Ye Seul even wastes her precious time with these peons, I'm sure this would be her reaction:
I am sure she is so sad about the prospect of making more money while having better working conditions in China of all places. Under the assumption that Han Ye Seul films a Chinese drama this year that ends up airing in 2015 and comes back with a Korean drama in late 2014/2015, she be double trolling Korean netizens. I'll have my popcorn ready while reading salty comments from miserable Koreans that refuse to break free from the Stockholm Syndrome.
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The Kpopalypse Guide to Horror Films with T-ara members in them
People are always requesting that I review things for their entertainment, and since I'm so eager to please you lovely blog-readers out there, how can I say no? However I don't want to just review the same stuff everyone else does, in the same way. This post is therefore a review of some crazy sick gory horror films, because I'm into that sort of thing. I'm also into T-ara, so why not combine the two interests into one delicious set of reviews for your enjoyment?
![great]()
As a fan of k-pop and also a fan of horror movies, I find my potential to be strip-mined of all potential income and left destitute and homeless to be seriously under-utilised by the Korean pop industry. Companies will insist on shoving their boys and girls into sappy romances, boring dramas and comedies with horrible Korean-style Captain Obvious humour which I guess the content creators need to do because netizens are such thickears that they don't seem to get jokes unless they're explained with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, but that doesn't mean the result isn't fucking boring as shit anyway. Some girl being called ugly and falling down a flight of stairs from 3 different camera angles, and then in slow-motion with sound effects added, that's about as much fun to me as pancreatic cancer. If I want to see ugly people being clumsy and laugh I can just install a mirror in my own stairwell at home. However, if at the bottom of those stairs someone then comes up and stabs the person in the throat and there's blood everywhere and the rest of the cast start shitting themselves and wondering if they're next, now we have some fucking entertainment, cunts. But who can I reliably turn to in the k-pop world, to give me the dramatic thrills and k-pop related material that I as a brainwashed k-pop/horror fan with too much disposable income sorely need?
![kim-kwang-soo_1391321812_af]()
Ah, Kim Kwang Soo, CEO of Core Contents Media. I knew you'd come through for me, once again. KKS has no problem with going where nobody else dares and putting his k-pop starlets into grisly and highly entertaining slasher films. It's such a great marketing idea; if you love the idol, you get to see them perform, and if you hate them, you get to watch them (probably) die. It's a win/win straight from the man who knows all about winning (T-ara still together and selling out stadiumsacrossAsia? Check.) Add another notch to Kim Kwang Soo's gigantic list of achievements in making the k-pop world more awesome for everybody.
As it happens, there are not one or two but at least four horror films that feature T-ara members (and maybe more that I haven't discovered, feel free to enlighten me in the comments below), and occasionally other k-pop group members as well, and they were all released or in some way chaperoned by CCM. Maybe you've seen these films, maybe you haven't. If not, prepare for some (spoiler-free) reviews that should educate you as to whether these films are worth a watch, depending on what criteria you believe to be the most important to you. On the other hand, if you have already seem these films, prepare for some opinions that you may or may not agree with, written in my usual style that always generates lots of love from the k-pop community.
Let's start with the film that most of you probably already know about and have seen.
![White-Melody-of-Death-2011-Movie-Poster]()
Released: 2011
Plot synopsis: a bunch of girls are in a k-pop group called "Pink Dolls" who are flopping horribly, especially in contrast to rival girl group "Pure" (played by After School in a brief cameo where they perform "Bang!"). One of the members of Pink Dolls finds a scratchy videocassette recording of an unknown group performing a song called "White". The group's producer likes the song and decides to remake it with Pink Dolls, it becomes a huge chart-topping hit, and then people start dying in mysterious and highly gruesome ways heavily reminiscent of the Final Destination series.
Appeal to general horror fans: average, at best. "White" eschews overt gore, instead aiming for a slow, psychological atmospheric horror vibe similar to a lot of Japanese horror films, but only partially succeeds. While the soundtrack and general look and feel of a great psychological horror film is there, the scriptwriting and characterisation necessary to hook the viewer into the action definitely is not. T-ara's Eunjung plays the main character and she's honestly a little bit Mary Sue, and although Eunjung is in nearly every scene she doesn't really have a lot to do except stand around, look pretty, act like a nice person and occasionally become traumatised. She does a reasonable enough job of the minimal amount of work that the script requires, but they could have given her a bit more light and shade, and with so much of the plot riding on her character it would have made the slower parts of the film where nobody is dying a lot more engaging if she had something more meaty and interesting to do than be a goody two-shoes. As it stands the film feels overlong and the interesting bitchy support characters all die far too quickly. Perhaps if the "curse" took out a handful of extras to satisfy the body count and let the support actresses live a bit longer, there could have been some more dramatic scenes of Eunjung being pulled by the hair and forced to lick toilet bowls by the other girls or something.
Appeal to k-pop fans: plenty. "White" is the only horror film anywhere that I know of which is also specifically set within the k-pop industry, and while I'd stop short of saying it's a "must-watch" k-pop fans will definitely want to watch it anyway just for this reason alone - there's simply no other film out there like this right now. Where the script actually gets it right is that it's willing to dig behind the facade of k-pop and show you stuff like member ostracision and bitchiness, groups being ridiculously overworked, support staff being cunty, faked vocal performances, and even behind-the-scenes "favours". A cynical person may think a Core Contents Media production might have reason to hide such goings on in the seedy underbelly of k-pop but no - it's all right there. You'll finish the film wondering "I wonder how much of that shit is true in the k-pop world", and of course I would have no idea about any of that ahem cough probably quite a fucking bit ahem.
Appeal to k-pop fappers: Eunjung gets tons of screen time, which will please fans. Even though she's in long hair for most of it, which doesn't suit her, anyone biasing Eunjung heavily will get over it while they stare at her face which is constantly zoomed in on. She doesn't wear anything that revealing, but then it's Eunjung the second most tomboyish high profile girl group member in all of k-pop so what do you expect. Fappers need not come for After School, they're not in it long enough to work up a rhythm.
![ghastly-korea-2011]()
Released: 2011
Appeal to general horror fans: quite a bit. The film is pretty short, rocks quite a bit of gore straight out of the gate, and after a short period of the usual redundant character exposition typical of horror films the body count starts piling up. Not too many minutes ever go by without somebody losing a limb (amputation deaths are apparently a specialty) and while the liberal use of blood and body parts arguably comes at the expense of some dramatic subtlety, you won't give a fuck. The plot is a bit of a weakness being fairly cliched and the spiritual angle that comes into the film later might seem a bit insipid and weak, but if you're happy to eat popcorn, watch people get mangled while their stumps squirt blood and not question the logic of what you're seeing too much, you're in for a good time.
Appeal to k-pop fans: T-ara's Hyomin is in this, as a supporting actress who gets a reasonable but not excessive amount of screen time. The other members of T-ara also appear in a couple of very short cameo scenes as her friends, including a trip to a nightclub... to dance to "Roly Poly", of course.
Appeal to k-pop fappers: Hyomin is rocking a snugly-fitting school uniform in almost every scene she's in and looks astonishingly good. Don't be fooled by the somewhat awkward looking movie poster art - Hyomin in motion is a different story, and you will fap. Plus, if that's not enough, she has a bath scene. Straight women and gay men watching "Ghastly" should prepare to have their sexuality called into question. You have been forewarned.
![deathbell110708]()
Appeal to general horror fans: if you just read the above plot synopsis and thought to yourself "well, that sounds completely fuckin' stupid, how is that going to work", your suspicions are not unfounded. The plot (which only a country as exam-obsessed as Korea could come up with) really does defy logic and has holes in it large enough to drive a school bus through, but the film ends up being excellent anyway, mainly due to a terrific sense of pacing. In particular the music score is expertly deployed to add a real sense of urgency to the film, and by the time everything kicks into high gear you'll stop asking yourself questions like "but couldn't they just [insert really obvious way for the entire class to save themselves here]" and will be hanging off the edge of your seat waiting for the next hapless panicky student to get speared on something. It's not on the level of classic Korean horror like "A Tale Of Two Sisters" but it's still damn entertaining.
Appeal to k-pop fans: T-ara's Eunjung is in this film, but only has short appearances as a ghost. The rest of the k-pop related screen time belongs to Seeya's Nam Gyuri, who does a solid job of looking like a freaked out schoolgirl who doesn't study enough. Whether that's relevant to you or not will depend on how relevant you consider a group that disbanded in 2011, but it may not matter because...
Appeal to k-pop fappers: ...she isn't unattractive. Unfortunately the cinematography is also pretty dark and grimy so you don't exactly get much of a good look at her... but she is a 20-something year old girl in a school uniform, so there is that. You might get some fap time out of this if you enjoy girls screaming and not being able to see them very well.
![Death_Bell_2-p2]()
Released: 2010
(You'll notice that I just copied and pasted the plot synopsis that I wrote for the original Death Bell, that's because the screenwriters copy-pasted the plot, too. Death Bell 2 is a sequel in the fine Asian B-grade cinema tradition of "let's pretend the first film didn't even happen".)
Appeal to general horror fans: Death Bell 2 has the same plot as the original but without the original's sense of pacing and timing, so it bores quickly. The film tries to compensate by ramping up the gore significantly compared to the first film, and if nothing else you probably won't forget the "motorcycle" scene, but it's not enough. The acting in the sequel is weaker too. T-ara's Jiyeon is a main character and spends most of her scenes staring blankly like she doesn't know what the fuck's going on, maybe T-ara had a lot of schedules during the filming and she was just a bit tired... but then the other actors are mainly no better. There's a reason why they usually cast 20-somthing year old actresses to play schoolgirls - a few extra years of acting lessons makes a difference.
Appeal to k-pop fans: Aside from Jiyeon, T-ara's Boram has some blink-and-you'll-miss-them appearances. Apparently she had a good six or seven minutes of screen time initially written and shot and was a significant supporting cast member, but then her part was cut to ribbons in the editing room, a practice which is not that uncommon in the film industry generally speaking. It's a shame to lose her parts in the film probably for the sake of pacing and maintaining audience interest yet for the film to turn out so uninteresting anyway.
Appeal to k-pop fappers: Jiyeon was barely legal in my country when Death Bell 2 was released, which probably means that she was illegal in yours, but then, maybe you're into that sort of thing. However, just like the first film, Death Bell 2's visuals are grimy as shit and it lacks the kind of clear cinematography necessary for a decent fap in any case.
![tarahorror]()
As a fan of k-pop and also a fan of horror movies, I find my potential to be strip-mined of all potential income and left destitute and homeless to be seriously under-utilised by the Korean pop industry. Companies will insist on shoving their boys and girls into sappy romances, boring dramas and comedies with horrible Korean-style Captain Obvious humour which I guess the content creators need to do because netizens are such thickears that they don't seem to get jokes unless they're explained with the subtlety of a sledgehammer, but that doesn't mean the result isn't fucking boring as shit anyway. Some girl being called ugly and falling down a flight of stairs from 3 different camera angles, and then in slow-motion with sound effects added, that's about as much fun to me as pancreatic cancer. If I want to see ugly people being clumsy and laugh I can just install a mirror in my own stairwell at home. However, if at the bottom of those stairs someone then comes up and stabs the person in the throat and there's blood everywhere and the rest of the cast start shitting themselves and wondering if they're next, now we have some fucking entertainment, cunts. But who can I reliably turn to in the k-pop world, to give me the dramatic thrills and k-pop related material that I as a brainwashed k-pop/horror fan with too much disposable income sorely need?
Ah, Kim Kwang Soo, CEO of Core Contents Media. I knew you'd come through for me, once again. KKS has no problem with going where nobody else dares and putting his k-pop starlets into grisly and highly entertaining slasher films. It's such a great marketing idea; if you love the idol, you get to see them perform, and if you hate them, you get to watch them (probably) die. It's a win/win straight from the man who knows all about winning (T-ara still together and selling out stadiumsacrossAsia? Check.) Add another notch to Kim Kwang Soo's gigantic list of achievements in making the k-pop world more awesome for everybody.
As it happens, there are not one or two but at least four horror films that feature T-ara members (and maybe more that I haven't discovered, feel free to enlighten me in the comments below), and occasionally other k-pop group members as well, and they were all released or in some way chaperoned by CCM. Maybe you've seen these films, maybe you haven't. If not, prepare for some (spoiler-free) reviews that should educate you as to whether these films are worth a watch, depending on what criteria you believe to be the most important to you. On the other hand, if you have already seem these films, prepare for some opinions that you may or may not agree with, written in my usual style that always generates lots of love from the k-pop community.
Let's start with the film that most of you probably already know about and have seen.
WHITE - MELODY OF DEATH (aka WHITE - MELODY OF THE CURSE)
Released: 2011
Running time: 107 minutes
Plot synopsis: a bunch of girls are in a k-pop group called "Pink Dolls" who are flopping horribly, especially in contrast to rival girl group "Pure" (played by After School in a brief cameo where they perform "Bang!"). One of the members of Pink Dolls finds a scratchy videocassette recording of an unknown group performing a song called "White". The group's producer likes the song and decides to remake it with Pink Dolls, it becomes a huge chart-topping hit, and then people start dying in mysterious and highly gruesome ways heavily reminiscent of the Final Destination series.
Appeal to general horror fans: average, at best. "White" eschews overt gore, instead aiming for a slow, psychological atmospheric horror vibe similar to a lot of Japanese horror films, but only partially succeeds. While the soundtrack and general look and feel of a great psychological horror film is there, the scriptwriting and characterisation necessary to hook the viewer into the action definitely is not. T-ara's Eunjung plays the main character and she's honestly a little bit Mary Sue, and although Eunjung is in nearly every scene she doesn't really have a lot to do except stand around, look pretty, act like a nice person and occasionally become traumatised. She does a reasonable enough job of the minimal amount of work that the script requires, but they could have given her a bit more light and shade, and with so much of the plot riding on her character it would have made the slower parts of the film where nobody is dying a lot more engaging if she had something more meaty and interesting to do than be a goody two-shoes. As it stands the film feels overlong and the interesting bitchy support characters all die far too quickly. Perhaps if the "curse" took out a handful of extras to satisfy the body count and let the support actresses live a bit longer, there could have been some more dramatic scenes of Eunjung being pulled by the hair and forced to lick toilet bowls by the other girls or something.
Appeal to k-pop fans: plenty. "White" is the only horror film anywhere that I know of which is also specifically set within the k-pop industry, and while I'd stop short of saying it's a "must-watch" k-pop fans will definitely want to watch it anyway just for this reason alone - there's simply no other film out there like this right now. Where the script actually gets it right is that it's willing to dig behind the facade of k-pop and show you stuff like member ostracision and bitchiness, groups being ridiculously overworked, support staff being cunty, faked vocal performances, and even behind-the-scenes "favours". A cynical person may think a Core Contents Media production might have reason to hide such goings on in the seedy underbelly of k-pop but no - it's all right there. You'll finish the film wondering "I wonder how much of that shit is true in the k-pop world", and of course I would have no idea about any of that ahem cough probably quite a fucking bit ahem.
Appeal to k-pop fappers: Eunjung gets tons of screen time, which will please fans. Even though she's in long hair for most of it, which doesn't suit her, anyone biasing Eunjung heavily will get over it while they stare at her face which is constantly zoomed in on. She doesn't wear anything that revealing, but then it's Eunjung the second most tomboyish high profile girl group member in all of k-pop so what do you expect. Fappers need not come for After School, they're not in it long enough to work up a rhythm.
Score summary for White: Melody Of Death
Overall Kpopalypse interest rating: 5.6/10
*
GHASTLY (aka GISAENG SPIRIT)
Released: 2011
Running time: 78 minutes
Plot synopsis: a kid called Bin has his parents murdered, so his relatives look after him, not knowing that the "creepy kid" is a standard horror movie cliche and that a bunch of people are about to get fucked up. Cue limbs flying everywhere, lots of gore and some voodoo mysticism bullshit that you won't care about.Appeal to general horror fans: quite a bit. The film is pretty short, rocks quite a bit of gore straight out of the gate, and after a short period of the usual redundant character exposition typical of horror films the body count starts piling up. Not too many minutes ever go by without somebody losing a limb (amputation deaths are apparently a specialty) and while the liberal use of blood and body parts arguably comes at the expense of some dramatic subtlety, you won't give a fuck. The plot is a bit of a weakness being fairly cliched and the spiritual angle that comes into the film later might seem a bit insipid and weak, but if you're happy to eat popcorn, watch people get mangled while their stumps squirt blood and not question the logic of what you're seeing too much, you're in for a good time.
Appeal to k-pop fans: T-ara's Hyomin is in this, as a supporting actress who gets a reasonable but not excessive amount of screen time. The other members of T-ara also appear in a couple of very short cameo scenes as her friends, including a trip to a nightclub... to dance to "Roly Poly", of course.
Appeal to k-pop fappers: Hyomin is rocking a snugly-fitting school uniform in almost every scene she's in and looks astonishingly good. Don't be fooled by the somewhat awkward looking movie poster art - Hyomin in motion is a different story, and you will fap. Plus, if that's not enough, she has a bath scene. Straight women and gay men watching "Ghastly" should prepare to have their sexuality called into question. You have been forewarned.
Score summary for Ghastly
Overall Kpopalypse interest rating: 6.4/10
*
DEATH BELL (aka GOSA)
Released: 2008
Running time: 85 minutes
Plot synopsis: during mid-term exams, a school comes under lockdown by an unknown person(s) or force. Students are then made to resit a new mid-term exam as a group, and one student is killed for each answer that is either incorrect or not given within a certain time period.Appeal to general horror fans: if you just read the above plot synopsis and thought to yourself "well, that sounds completely fuckin' stupid, how is that going to work", your suspicions are not unfounded. The plot (which only a country as exam-obsessed as Korea could come up with) really does defy logic and has holes in it large enough to drive a school bus through, but the film ends up being excellent anyway, mainly due to a terrific sense of pacing. In particular the music score is expertly deployed to add a real sense of urgency to the film, and by the time everything kicks into high gear you'll stop asking yourself questions like "but couldn't they just [insert really obvious way for the entire class to save themselves here]" and will be hanging off the edge of your seat waiting for the next hapless panicky student to get speared on something. It's not on the level of classic Korean horror like "A Tale Of Two Sisters" but it's still damn entertaining.
Appeal to k-pop fans: T-ara's Eunjung is in this film, but only has short appearances as a ghost. The rest of the k-pop related screen time belongs to Seeya's Nam Gyuri, who does a solid job of looking like a freaked out schoolgirl who doesn't study enough. Whether that's relevant to you or not will depend on how relevant you consider a group that disbanded in 2011, but it may not matter because...
Appeal to k-pop fappers: ...she isn't unattractive. Unfortunately the cinematography is also pretty dark and grimy so you don't exactly get much of a good look at her... but she is a 20-something year old girl in a school uniform, so there is that. You might get some fap time out of this if you enjoy girls screaming and not being able to see them very well.
Score summary for Death Bell
Overall Kpopalypse interest rating: 4.4/10
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DEATH BELL 2: BLOODY CAMP (aka GOSA 2)
Released: 2010
Running time: 85 minutes
Plot synopsis: during mid-term exams, a school comes under lockdown by an unknown person(s) or force. Students are then made to resit a new mid-term exam as a group, and one student is killed for each answer that is either incorrect or not given within a certain time period.(You'll notice that I just copied and pasted the plot synopsis that I wrote for the original Death Bell, that's because the screenwriters copy-pasted the plot, too. Death Bell 2 is a sequel in the fine Asian B-grade cinema tradition of "let's pretend the first film didn't even happen".)
Appeal to general horror fans: Death Bell 2 has the same plot as the original but without the original's sense of pacing and timing, so it bores quickly. The film tries to compensate by ramping up the gore significantly compared to the first film, and if nothing else you probably won't forget the "motorcycle" scene, but it's not enough. The acting in the sequel is weaker too. T-ara's Jiyeon is a main character and spends most of her scenes staring blankly like she doesn't know what the fuck's going on, maybe T-ara had a lot of schedules during the filming and she was just a bit tired... but then the other actors are mainly no better. There's a reason why they usually cast 20-somthing year old actresses to play schoolgirls - a few extra years of acting lessons makes a difference.
Appeal to k-pop fans: Aside from Jiyeon, T-ara's Boram has some blink-and-you'll-miss-them appearances. Apparently she had a good six or seven minutes of screen time initially written and shot and was a significant supporting cast member, but then her part was cut to ribbons in the editing room, a practice which is not that uncommon in the film industry generally speaking. It's a shame to lose her parts in the film probably for the sake of pacing and maintaining audience interest yet for the film to turn out so uninteresting anyway.
Appeal to k-pop fappers: Jiyeon was barely legal in my country when Death Bell 2 was released, which probably means that she was illegal in yours, but then, maybe you're into that sort of thing. However, just like the first film, Death Bell 2's visuals are grimy as shit and it lacks the kind of clear cinematography necessary for a decent fap in any case.
Score summary for Death Bell 2: Bloody Camp
Overall Kpopalypse interest rating: 3.4/10
*
Hopefully you enjoyed this post, and it makes a nice little change from everyone else's reviews of k-drama and stuff that you'll see on every k-pop blog ever. If you find more k-pop related horror films, let me know and this post might just see a sequel!
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Last Live Article From Me For Two Months
Like I mentioned earlier this spring, my schedule is getting really tight. May and June are one of those periods where I have no time to update AKF on continuous basis. Everything from me will be scheduled for the next two months, so certain MV Reviews like Jiyeon and Hyosung may be a week or two late compared to when everyone else reviews them. I will have no time to comment on the articles anymore, so if you direct a comment at me, expect it to go unanswered. However, I actually know how to manage my time unlike a certain two authors on here who know who they are (because I have ripped on both of them on it in the past), so there should be roughly the same number of articles still coming out. It's just that some of the material may be a little old, but as I said earlier, we're a blog, not a news site. Go read Soompi, Koreaboo, MWave and/or Netizen Buzz if you find it imperative to keep up with the latest news all the time. We'll still cover the important things (such as Jiyeon and Hyosung's solos). So, I dedicate this post to a bunch of videos, so be forewarned if you have shitty Internet.
The first two CFs are from Sawajiri Erika.
NG (no good) scene of Toda Erika and Matsuda Shota from Matsuda Shota's drama last year, "A Clinic on the Sea." Toda Erika is just too cute.
Han Hyo Joo for VIKI. Looking flawless as usual.
Kirsten Ren and Lego Lee from the currently-airing-but-almost-over smash hit "In A Good Way" doing a 7-Eleven CF.
I couldn't leave Puff out of an article like this!
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Let's Talk - Male vs. Female Groups
All of the questions sent in were on the subject of male and female groups or something related to said subject, so for the first article, I decided to make a mega-post answering all the questions received based on said subject, and don't worry, fap material will be evenly spread around to keep those who only visit this blog for the sole reason of fapping are satisfied. A gift from me to you, eh?
The first question was from mikeycknowsrnb, who asked:
I'm sure that we're all familiar with the typical 'sasaeng' fans which make up a lot of the male group fans, who are mainly located in Korea, and how crazy they can get.
However, there are a few exceptions. While fangirls tend to be less physically violent toward their actual idols (if they are, it's usually towards themselves in the form of cutting their bias group's name into their arm), but there still are a handful of crazy male fans. Take this video for example:
As for the reason why girls tend to be more 'aggressive and obsessive' cannot be pinpointed to one thing exactly, but in my mind, there are three main reasons:
- As mentioned by deoxix in reply to your comment, women are constantly being pressured by society to 'find their prince'. In Korea, a lot of times there is more pressure on society to find a match because it is expected that by the age of thirty, a woman is to be married and have started a family. This pressure is not as enforced on men as it is for women, but many people start to lose hope in a woman and say things like "they will never be married because they are too old" right to their faces. This leads a lot of sasaeng fans to become overly-obsessed with their biases, as they find them to be perfect in their eyes, and being slightly delusional, would want that idol to become their partner in the future.
- Girls. The thing about guys is that they have girlfriends (unless they're gay), and you know what that means? Jealousy. A lot of girls tend to become jealous over the smallest of things. Of course, there are a lot of girls who are fine with whatever their boyfriends do, but then there are a lot more who get mad whenever "oppa doesn't notice me". I know some of my friends get upset whenever they see their boyfriends simply talking to or even laughing with another girl, because they feel they will "leave them for that girl". The same thing applies to some girls and kpop. Girl groups are filled with a few, or even a cluster-fuck of attractive women who were, more often than not, picked to join those groups simply because they're pretty. Naturally, a lot of girls would have a thought process along the lines of: "Well, he's always on his computer screaming about how much he loves his hot 'noona'... WHAT IF HE LEAVES FOR THAT DUMB BITCH?! OPPA DOESN'T SARANG ME ANYMORE!". However, a lot of males wouldn't get offended if their girlfriends did the same things (ex: fangirling over their 'oppas'), and if they are, they're not very vocal about it. An example of this is my friend and her boyfriend. She's obsessed with Justin Bieber and her boyfriend seems perfectly fine with this, however, the moment he likes a picture of just one girl on Instagram, he'd be better off dead.
- The last reason is because a lot of men feel like it's not 'manly' to fangirl. Yes, there are still those who do fangirl quite a bit, but those ones usually just stick to social media sources to scream about how much they liked their idols' new song. While girls openly talk about how much they like One Direction or 5SoS with their girlfriends, guys tend to not talk about things like that.
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| You've made it this far without leaving? Well, here's Hyuna from Nine Muses, because why not? |
The second question comes from Unknown who asks:
Oh yes, the beautiful topic of sexy concepts by female groups... The double standards packing out the doors, and though a lot of females still deny this, their 'oppas' have done many more things that can be considered more 'suggestive' than a lot, or even most, female idols. However, the reason a lot of these females don't realize this is because they deny that their 'oppas' flashing their abs and being half-naked on stage is highly more revealing than a female idol wearing shorts and a cropped-top.
And going with why some girl groups' sexy concepts seem to be more held back than the sexy concepts of guy groups is because of a few factors as well.
The main reason is the Korean public and their views on the matter. While it's perfectly fine for males to be shirtless and have their videos still air on music channels or be shirtless on live stages, but when Stellar, still more clothed than many male idols, released their music video for 'Marionette', it was instantly banned from music channels and they had to wear 'darker stockings' in order to perform live.
Another thing that I've noticed is the fact that whenever there's a video on YouTube devoted to their oppa, or even their 'bulge', the comments mainly consist of how sexy they are and about how "my oppa is better than your oppa" or things along the lines of "At 2:46 oppa shakes some stupid irrelevant girl's hand!" and continuing on about how they're plotting to murder the 'irrelevant girl'. The worst thing is, people upvote comments like this and people who try to shut them up get hated on because they're just "protecting the people we love, and you'd do the same thing".
While it's perfectly fine for females to comment about how much they want to fuck their favorite male idol and get support for doing so, people who say the same sorts of things on girl groups' videos get shamed and called perverts. A perfect example of this are the comments on Nine Muses' 'Wild' and Jay Park's 'Welcome'.
On Jay Park's video:
Meanwhile when a guy tries to express himself in a way more tame than the comments above on Nine Muses' video:
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| So what he/she/it's saying is that none of us at the blog are 'true kpopers', but simply perverts. Seems fine to me if that is what a 'true kpoper' is like. |
A lot of companies force cuter concepts down their girl groups' throats and only wait until that doesn't work until they start to turn to more sexy concepts to get more attention.
You may be asking, "But noona, if sex sells, why not just start off with a sexy concept?". Well, it's not that simple. Take girl groups like Apink or Crayon Pop for example who have a reputation for being aegyo groups. See where that's got them? The thing is, many/almost all girl groups start off with an aegyo style, making it sort of the 'staple' of typical kpop. Because this concept is so common, it's not always guaranteed that by doing aegyo concepts, a group will become popular and produce a lot of money. On the other hand, going with a 'sexy concept' is more of a guaranteed way to make at least some money. But the thing is, yes, sexy concepts guarantee groups with money, but cuter songs/concepts tend to leave a longer lasting imprint on kpop as a whole (ex: Gee) and continue to supply groups with large followings if they're done right. Haven't you ever noticed that some of the more viewed kpop videos are of aegyo concepts rather than sexy concepts? This is why songs like Apink's 'NoNoNo' and Crayon Pop's 'Bar Bar Bar' were such big hits, and why they continue to roll with the aegyo concepts.
Take Girl's Day for example. They started out with cute songs like 'Twinkle Twinkle', but after that didn't really guarantee them a large/steady fanbase, they decided to turn to a more sexy concept and this raised their popularity with songs like 'Expectation' and 'Something'. Another good example of this is SECRET, however they went in the opposite direction. While popular for their sexy concepts even since their debut, they had cute concepts thrown onto them and now their popularity seems to be declining (or maybe because of Zinger's- I mean Hana's- awful plastic surgery). No matter how much you may want to deny it, sex does, indeed, sell.
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| For those of you who are more into Kyungri... |
The last question comes from deoxix who asks:
I felt as if I couldn't have answered this myself, so I decided to recruit the help of some fangirls, and here were the results:
- The most chosen answer with 25 mentions was the fact that they can relate to their idols more easily. Because they are girls, they feel as if they can connect with the way they act, their personalities, and they can also be an inspiration to them. One person mentioned that they wanted an idol that they'd rather "emulate than fuck", which is why they stuck around female groups. Instead of constantly drooling over how hot their idols were, they simply wanted somebody to look up to and be a sort of role model, whether it be in the case of personality of physical fitness. It would be harder for a girl to relate to male idols, which is why they see female idols as good role models. A lot of people also mentioned how their hair, make-up, and fashion gave them inspiration and they wanted to wear the same clothes their idols wore/look like their idols. Girls also find it easier to relate to the lyrics of songs for girl groups, and one honorable mention was Brown Eyed Girls, who have a larger female than male fanbase. Because of this, many of their songs are targeted for more of a female audience/have lyrics that they can relate to. Other songs where the topic of lyrics can be mentioned are Girl's Day's 'Female President' and miss A's 'I Don't Need a Man', which were all about females being able to cope on their own, and thus, many girls could relate to the meaning of the songs or become inspired by them.
- The second most chosen reason with 22 mentions was because they have "catchier songs". They feel as if even though male groups release songs of 'better quality', the songs coming from female groups are more upbeat and cheerful. This links directly with the next most voted reason which was:
- Boy groups don't appeal to them/they're too boring with 14 mentions. A lot of females feel as if the songs coming from girl groups are "less suffocating", while male groups get tough, complex, powerful songs, and serious songs, girl groups tend to get more light-hearted, cheerful, or upbeat songs (as mentioned in reason #1). Other females stan girl groups more because they find guys' personalities to be dry or less interesting/less variety. While they feel as if girl groups have a wide variety of different personalities to choose from, they feel as if guy groups are more limiting since everyone pretty much acts the same or similar. On the other hand, some girls felt that it had nothing to do with personality but simply because of visuals. Some girls mentioned how they didn't like how they wear make-up and how they think their costumes are weird. Meanwhile, other girls weren't concerned about fashion but more about the way that many male idols look physically, comparing them to "corny prepubescent-looking dudes".
- And with 13 mentions, other girls had absolutely no idea as to why they did, and they simply stan them... because they stan them.
- The next with only 4 mentions is that female singers are better. Though not many people expanded on why they felt this way, one person said that they enjoy listening to female voices more, because they have a "nicer tone".
- And with the least votes, but still making it to the list because it's applicable to me and at least one other person, it's because they're lesbian. And to put it simply, girls are hot. Females are attractive, and even many straight girls feel the same way, though not nearly as many would openly admit it themselves in the fear of being accused of being a lesbian or something along the lines of that. This is also a main reason as to why guys are more interested in girl groups. "Eye-candy".
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| And for my beautiful glasses-fags, here's a little something for you |
And here's where you guys come in. I'd like to know:
- If you're a male, do you personally know of any guys who actually fangirl as hard as the typical 'sasaeng' fan, or are they all opposed to that?
- If you're a female and stan girl groups, why?
If you have a question that you'd like to be covered next Wednesday, be sure to write them in the comments section below and check this article for details. Talk to you again next week!
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[MV Review] Exo - "Overdose"
Well, that was a whole bunch of nothing.
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Exo returned this week with the most boring comeback I've seen in a long time.
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Ever since "Mama," I've been convinced that Exo is actually a sophisticated cult intent on luring young, unsuspecting girls with its mind tricks (Luhan, mostly). This song reminds me why I suspected that. The verses and even the chorus have a certain mesmerizing cadence. About the 2:35 mark, the music combines with red strobe lights and fancy hip action in such a way that I feel like I'm being hypnotized. I think it's telling me to buy something; I'm just not sure what.
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Creepy cult vibe aside, this song is underwhelming as shit. Only now, on what has to be my fifth listen for this review, does "Overdose" begin to resemble a whole song.
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The video's even worse. I get the feeling that the creative output for this comeback culminated in the "O" pose in the beginning.
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Just how dull is the video? I really had to try to find good screenshots. That should never happen in kpop. The GooSEM (Good Screenshots Each Minute) was, like, 4. Orange Caramel averages at least 20.
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And for a song called "Overdose," I was sorely disappointed by the lack of sleaze in this video. There was nary a needle, a person of questionable consciousness, nor a Fiona Apple-style skeeze party to be found. What a waste of a good theme. I know I shouldn't be shocked, as SM never pushes boundaries with that sort of thing. But dammit, don't give your snoozefest such a great name. Stick to something more appropriate, like "Yawn" or "Narcolepsy Attack."
BOTTOM LINE: There is nothing to "Overdose." I'm not even sure that was an actual music video I just watched.
Join me as we explore the depths of dullness.
Exo returned this week with the most boring comeback I've seen in a long time.
Kai's shoes, the single most interesting part of "Overdose"
Ever since "Mama," I've been convinced that Exo is actually a sophisticated cult intent on luring young, unsuspecting girls with its mind tricks (Luhan, mostly). This song reminds me why I suspected that. The verses and even the chorus have a certain mesmerizing cadence. About the 2:35 mark, the music combines with red strobe lights and fancy hip action in such a way that I feel like I'm being hypnotized. I think it's telling me to buy something; I'm just not sure what.
WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME??
The video's even worse. I get the feeling that the creative output for this comeback culminated in the "O" pose in the beginning.
Shots like this were few and far between.
And for a song called "Overdose," I was sorely disappointed by the lack of sleaze in this video. There was nary a needle, a person of questionable consciousness, nor a Fiona Apple-style skeeze party to be found. What a waste of a good theme. I know I shouldn't be shocked, as SM never pushes boundaries with that sort of thing. But dammit, don't give your snoozefest such a great name. Stick to something more appropriate, like "Yawn" or "Narcolepsy Attack."
BOTTOM LINE: There is nothing to "Overdose." I'm not even sure that was an actual music video I just watched.
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Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 54
This week's photo comes from Nida:
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What makes you think Cube even wants your little sister? Wow. Presumptuous bitch.
I wonder how your sister felt if she saw this.
You fans are shameless. No family priorities.
Thank you for your submission!
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I wonder how your sister felt if she saw this.
You fans are shameless. No family priorities.
If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to @akf_shinbi, ask them at ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you. Thank you, FISHies!
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Fanfic Fridays: U&I
The following is what was found on the drive unaltered.
Why is it so hard to find lesbian fiction with Ailee?
Why is it that my only choice includes CL?
Why am I being punished?
I thought about scrapping this week's fanfic entirely, picking something good and just pretending that it was my plan all along, but what am I if not a person with vague morals and standards. I will read this trash and I will review it. I will do it for the greater good.
Fabulous.
Normally I would only read the first chapter of a fanfic and base my review off of that. After all, unlike professional fiction which is all printed at once, fanfiction is written on an ongoing basis. This means that the author needs to capture the audience with it's first chapter if they wish to obtain a steady following.
However, U&I's chapters are only about a paragraph long. Not very substantial to say the least. In fact, I predict that this review is going to be longer than the chapters are. It should be fine to break a rule every now and then if the situation demands it.
Chapter 1
The story seems to be written from the perspective of CL, putting me in her shoes. At least, that's what I figure despite the complete lack of quotation marks on any of the dialogue.
CL's ex-girlfriend is Nana.
Nana is also a gold-digging abuser...
Sure, why not.
CL checks into rehab cause drugs. Nothing really interesting happens here.
Chapter 2
CL must be having 'Nam flashbacks or some shit so because she drops a vase of flowers that Ailee gave her then jumped out a window.
For some reason this chapter is no longer in CL's perspective. What is consistency...
Chapter 3
Third instalment and I am slowing losing my mind. I NEED quotation marks... so desperately. My head burns.
I don't even know what's happening anymore. They're in a night club? Some other idols are there?
But CL's supposed to be hospitalized... what... WHAT?
Chapter 4
We're back to CL's point of view again and I can't because why.
Did she gets the rapes.? I cant tell... make it stop make it stop make it stop
Chapter 5
People are paeople.
T̷h̛ig͜n̸d h̥͇̤͓̕a͎̲̙͚͢p̷̘̙͈̰̣̫̻p̱̲͙̳e͢n̛͕͉͔ed.̷͙̻̦ͅ.̘
Chapter 6
T͏͙̥̰͙̯̤͎ḫ͡is͇̪̳͕͙͕ ̘̯ḭ̵̩s̻͜ ̺͜f̲̺o͉̯͙̰̜̞͉r̳͘ ͕̹̦͕̹a͇̻̼͈̱̠l̸͍͔ļ̯͍ ͙̦͔͜m̫̜y͟ ̭͜ͅb̧̘͈͙a̸͉̞̫͖̦̻d̶̯̤̱̬͕ ͖̜̬̝g͙̰̰i͙̞̕r̴̲̖̜l͔̕s̴̪͕͙̯̜ ̫̞̦͇̘a̪͓r̻̼͞o̸̼̱u̬͈n̷̮͚̤ḍ͔̟͓̲ ̯̺̭͕̜t͎̲͇̗͓ḥ͖̯̳̠̤e̸̥̦ ̜͎̻͡w͎̖̣͈͈͟o̱͇̻̻͚̜͞r̨̭͖̥̜l̞̣d͏̩
N̸̠̗o̴̲̤͔͇̜̜t҉̤͙̻̹̹͉̝͉́̕ ͏̬̦̞̣̜͚̹͞b̴͏̲a̺͍͓̜͓̹̲͢͞d̸̡̜ ̶̧͓m̢͙͞e̶̸̳̤̜a̪̞̥̝̜͇͡n̳̹̘ì̭͔̦̰͍̝n̢̫̠̙̻̩̤͕̟̳ģ҉̻͓̺̻̘ ̼̺̣̦̹̯b̹̯̙̜̩̮̘a҉̸̧̞̼̭̺̗͎̝̘͔d̷͏̸͎̥̯̗̱̮̳̦ ̟͔̝̖̘̜̞̙̺ḅ̪̤̖͚̘͈͖̣́͘͝u͠͏͕͖̳̬̜̪ţ̰ ̴͏̣̭͎͖b͇͎̼͎̺̭̳͘á̛̳͕͘d̻͍͙̝̗ ̙̜̮̯͎͜m̷̪̳͢e͔̖̗̬a̴҉͚̟̖̮͉͎͝n̫̰͔͠͠͞i̷̛̥̱͜n̩̠̪g͙̼̲̟͓͕̱ ̛̖͓̹̠g͏̢̞͖͖͚̬͈̳͙ͅo̴͈̣͇̬͠ọ̗͕́d̢͉̩͟ ̢̹̬̰͖̙͖u͈̖̬͇͠ ̡̜̘͟͠k̸͉̻ṋ̸̺̥͕͖͎o̘̙͙͓̦ẁ̦͙̲̝̜̻̥̹̕͟
̢̻͙͇̺͚͔̗̗̞̟̤̜̼͉̻́͝͝͡ͅL̶̸̸͚͍͓̰̫̱̳̩̪͔̤̙͞ͅȩ̮͚̲̣̹̤̙̝̗̩̪̬̤͡ͅͅt̛̲̰͈̹͉͍̜̰’̵̲̠̘̫̲͙̹͈̙̞̬͇͉͉̬͓̹̪͠ͅs͍̣͇͓͙͙̮̩̰͉̭͝ͅ ̘̼͈̲̲͕͍̱̻͟͞ļ̶̹̥̼͔̤͎̬̳̭̤ͅi҉̯̫̳̪̣͖̬̜̥̰̜͖̮̗̪͈͈̫̹̀͜͡g̷̪͖͉͙̞͇̟̻̹̗̙̠͖͖̀h̢̫̳͈͉̭͈̠͓̼͔̭̟ͅͅt̡͇̳̹̰͔͎̼̩̬̖̯̻́͘͘ ̛͔̞̭̯͔̲̀̕͜i͡҉̝̝̘͈̹̳͎͙̞t̷̴̟̞͉̲̮̮̗͓̘ͅ ̨͕͈͇̣̗͕̯͜ų̶̝̱͎̫̠͚̖̖̞͔͖̲p̛̫̺̰̩̪͓͎̗͈͇̝̬͙ ̧̻͎̦̲̲͕̳̲͞a̴̵̛̺̖̪̭̹͘n̵̡͕͈̭̗͓̗̭̯̺͜d͞͏̲̻͓̻̗̣̲͖͖͉̣̯̮̺̀ ̵̵͔̣͎̣̦̙̻̙̜̱̗͇̮̙̝́ͅͅl̛̝̜̗͘͟͞e̥͇͇̟̟̘̤̞̳͙̭̯̜̩̘̹̺̕ͅt̡̥͉̮͚͟ ̸̨̳̠̺͇̩̭͓̼̜͚͜͝ͅͅį̴̷͇̜͚̠̖̺͜t̢̨͡͠҉̼̻̲͇̼̘͉̘̗͇̭̦ͅ ̨̹͍̬̠̮̩̙̳̟̺͖̻̜̪̫̠͍̀́͘͟b̶̧͈̟̪͞ͅͅu͈̻̘͉̮̭̲̲͖͈͡r̵̡̛̖̹̜̰̥ņ̢͔̞̝̦̫̭͎͍̭͚̤̼̙̀͝͠ͅͅ ̵̱͓̮̼̩̞͈̰ͅĺ̸̨̛̫͍̯̫͙̮̱̮̱̣̪͍̝̜͙͙͡i̶̡͍̹͍͡͠k̛҉̛̟͙̞̝͕͎̦̯̜̘̲̻́͡ͅe̠͙̳͚̞͉̥̹͘͝ ̸̵̗͈̥̙̺̠͙͖̥͕̮̦̕͞w̴̸̧̧͙̗̩̬̞͇̠̯͙̳̝̘̻̣̭̺͝ͅè̴͈̳̖̯̟͖̱͚̣̹͍̻̹͈̪͘͡ ̀͘͢͟͏͙̬͖̣̰͍d̴̶̨̺̲̬̼̖̫͔̺̟͈̫̱̬̼̯o̶̸̱͉̝̳̹̙̤̕͠͞ņ̵̞͚͉̼̗͞’̡̛̦̣͎̪̙͔̣̥͓͈̪̹̥̯̪̭͡t̡͝҉̷̲̱͉̪̼͉̤̱̜̠̣̗̲̰̰̗͙ ̡͟͢͠͏̘̮̣̩̻͔͈̭̬͎͎̠̺͓̳ͅc̡̟̩͇͇̤̱̼̫͘a̘̳̭̘̜̺̖͖̰̞̜̗̗̹̪̫̩̙̬͜͟͡r̕͞҉̛̭͕̹̤͓̮̪͕̝̬͓̘͡é̢̢̠̺͈̮͎̣͉̤̫̮̹͖̻͙͘͢
̵̧̭͖̙͎̭̜̳̘̳̱̈́̄ͬͤ̈͗ͭ͂ͨ͛̿ͧ̆̀̈̄̈́̋̚͘L̰͔̠͚̫̪̥ͦ̑ͣ̈ͫͬ͌̽ͮͨ͛ͥ̏̂̊͡͡e̵̛̘̭̫̣͉͓̙̝̬̍̈ͩ̄̎͛̓̿̐͛̀̑ͥ͘t̴ͫ̎͛̅͐͆̒̉̿ͮͦ͐̓͗͛̊̐̅͞҉̘͈̤̳͉̹̩̹̤̥̖̦͎̟̖ ̷̶̵ͬ͒͂̀͛͂ͮ̊̑̆̃̓̍̂̄̏͂̐҉̼̞̩̻̰͍̞͖̳̳̯̠̼͓̘̤͢ͅe͋ͦͦ̽̆̿͒̃̚̚҉̸̵̧҉̣̰̱͔̲̝͕͔͈̯͔ͅm̷̧̲͉͙̭̗͍̯͚͙̯̘̄͑ͪ̄͌͂̈́͐͂͒̓ͧͩͦ̚͠ ̸̣͙̫͔͎̤͕̬͚̺̪̝̳̦̳͕͙͐͗̂͒͋ͨͬ̽ͨ̀͢͡k̤͙̝̜͎̯͙̼̱̗̞͇̤͓̙͔ͮ̀̈ͥͤ͐ͩͥͬ͗̑͒ͦͯ͘̕͢n̷̡̺̬̲͔̳̙̼͖̦͇̪͈̈́͂̎̿̒ͧͫ͑͂̄ͨ̆ͫ̍ͤ́̀̚̚͘ͅͅo̮̲̫͈̰͎̞̗̬̜͇ͯ̀͋̎ͩ́͌ͥͩ̽̕ͅw̐̇ͤ͛ͭ͊̐ͤ̋ͧͮ̓͜҉̟͕̠͓̰̩͖̩̱̼̜͉̯͎̺̩̼ͅ ̳̮̠̼̜̼̹̲̱̖͍ͬͤ̈́ͫͫ̉͡͡͝͞ͅh̸̐̿ͪͮ̓̍͆̂͂ͥͪ͊̐̑́҉̠̬͈̳̥o͂͒͆ͨ̈́̃ͮ̎͆͏̡̨͚̫̩̙̹ͅw̴̢̮̖̻̻̫͎̪̙̥̞̩̭͚̫͈̖̪͔͑ͤͯ̎̃̌̎̎̄͐͟ͅ ̸̶̛̯̻̯̲̣̽̆̑̀̌̏͜i̧̗̗̼̜̞̺̘͚̅̏̍̍͡t̸̢̛͇̘͕̤͓̟̺͚̻̣ͧ̐̊͒̎̆̿̐͛̄͂͑ͭ͢ͅ ̴̶̡̡̯͔͕̟͒̆ͫ͗̾̃̉ͨ̕f͉͖̹͓̤̮̫̠̺͔̍͌͗ͩ͋̽͗̓͐̃͊̔́̕͢ͅȩ̗͔̠̤͉̥̟̩̰̤̓ͥ̒̏ͩ̏̌͂͑ͩͩͪ̍͐ͤ͢͟e̵̱̰̫̺͓̔̋̂ͧ͗̄̅ͪ͗ͯͮͯͧ̆́ļ̵̲̠̠̘̺̣̥͉̩̮̊͌̅̈́́́͆̌̿̇̾̂̐͢͞ͅs̱͚̱͓̲̞̮͙̍ͤ̇ͭ̈́͆̃̐̿̉͗ͫͬͨ͆̀͝ ̪̞͓̖͎̣̰͉ͥ̐ͫ̿ͧ͐̆̑̐́̐͟d̾͒̇̓͞͏̗̩͔̼̯̯̫̼͕͞ą̴̶̘͚̝̱͇̲̬̌͋͗̈́́ṁ̴̡̻̼̝̼̦̠͔̤ͣͥ͐̓̆̀̐̅̊ͦͮ͌͂͂͛̀̕͜͟ṋ̸̻̼̝͙͇̲̯͔̯̝̺̲̹͎̆̇̒̓̓ͯ̓̅̒̔̓̕͢ ̭̗̯͎̙̣̏ͦ̇̽̍̔̑ͯ̃́͡͠g̮̙̖̩̞̿̏ͤͨ̅ͥ̿̾̎͒̅̔̀̉͢͠o̻̰̫̙ͣ̓ͣ͐̌ͫͭ͛̍͌̈ͥ͋ͮ͌̓ͤ̿̚͘ǫ̴̼̬̠̺̰͖̝̬̭̬̙̣͔̼̇̅̀̓̽̎ͦ̍̅̎́͑ͭ́̏ͦͮ̌͢dͬ̈́̽̃͋͋̈͊̈́̿͑̊̅̓̈́ͬ̚̚͏͇͇͚̳̠̥̠͔̞͟ͅ ̴̥̦̭̤͙̩̳̠͕̰̄́̒̐̇̒̌̿̊ͪ̎͗̈ͧ̇̆̚̚͢t̶̸͔̯͇̗͓̖͇̯̩̾ͧ́̏̓̈̆͗ͦ̍̀ȍ̶̴͙̲͈̩̻̞̠͎̥͔̯̻̺ͩ̑͛͆͘ ̸̵͈̜̤̰̲͓̘̘̭̦̮̯̠̤ͮ̈́̎ͮ͋ͪͬ̓̆̊̒͛ͩ͐͊͂̍͆̑͡͡b̡͓͎̫̻ͮͨ̀̆̔̀̚̚͟e͕̹̜͚̝̳̹̳̖̠ͨ̿͂̇̎̐̅ͭ̈́̉̾̊ͭ̈ͪ̆͠͞ ͒̾̍̎̉ͣ͊͌̆͐͊̓̇̚̚͏̼͎̫͔͕̤̺̠̲̳̻b̡̨̢͕̗̮̭͎̙̼̓ͩ̈̄̓͗͊̾͒̓͌͛̍ͮ͌͟a̸̩̹̪̬͚̦̯̱ͥ̔͆̋͘͜͡d̶̡̨͐̎̔͛̋͂ͩ͆̅̉̃ͨ̽͛̓̿̿̋҉̥͓̳̪̫̪̫̠̳͙͓̙͍̞͓ͅ
̨̨̪̳̯̦͚̤̦̳̳̳̲͎̗̰̹͕̫̦̻
난 나쁜 기집애 나난 나쁜 기집애 난 나쁜 기집애 난 나쁜 기집애 나난 나쁜 기집애 난 나쁜 기집애
난 나쁜 기집애 나난 나쁜 기집애 난 나쁜 기집애 난 나쁜 기집애 나난 나쁜 기집애 난 나쁜 기집애
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Mandy Wei for Esquire and Vivi
It's finally spring time, and Mandy Wei has two new pictorials out. The first one for Vivi is a cute concept while the one for Esquire is a mature concept.
Both magazines opted not to have Mandy Wei in a bikini, therefore both magazines suck. At least the pictures are good, but they could be so much better.
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Jung So Min for CeCi
Jung So Min of the currently airing drama "Big Man" recently did a pictorial for CeCi and looks as adorable as ever. Sadly I won't be able to catch "Big Man" until its run is over, but it's hard to resist the drama because Jung So Min and Lee Da Hee are in it.
I usually like to imagine the two female leads in a drama making out instead of shipping a male-female couple like most drama fans do on Soompi, tumblr, twitter, etc. However, Jung So Min looks really young despite only being a few years younger than Lee Da Hee. It would be like an older sister making out with her younger sister. Maybe if I was half Japanese instead of half Korean I would be into that shit, who knows? The funny thing is that Jung So Min is 25 but looks 15. I know that feeling too well. I get ID'd wherever I go and a co-worker of mine thought I was 15 myself.
Hopefully this should be the last pictorial post for a little while since I believe Hyosung (and her titties) is releasing her solo MV tomorrow. Or today, I don't know. I just know that it's supposed to be out really soon.
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Kpopalypse Defence League: 3 rounds with k-pop's haters
A lot of people seem to think I blog about Korean pop because I'm some kind of hater. Strange as it may seem, I actually like Korean pop music, and that's why I write about it. Of course this obvious fact escapes many fuckheaded people and I have to bear the slings and arrows of those who think I'm only here to knock k-pop down a peg, just because I didn't write a glowing review of the latest written-while-waiting-in-the-urinal-queue trashy k-ballad from their fave. However there's another type of hater that I also come across, less-often discussed on k-pop bogs - the people who already hate k-pop on a more general level and say that "I shouldn't be listening to that". You all know the type, because you've all had the same conversation with these music snobs that I've had:
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In this blog I'm going to collect some of the most often-heard objections to k-pop and come up with some sensible, rational non-fangirly replies that you can use at your leisure to win arguments, influence people, or just make everyone who is giving you problems shut the fuck up for a change! Welcome to the Kpopalypse Defence League!
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Rather than invent arguments against k-pop and then tear them down, I'm going to bring the fight directly to the most influential haters that I can find by linking the three most articulate, well-written, thoughtful posts that I can locate (in under 30 seconds of searching ahem) lamenting the alleged shittiness of k-pop - and then I'm going to take their arguments apart.
I really like this guy's snarky tone and humourous writing - he's almost as much of a worthless cunt as I am! We'd probably get along well in person, and his blog has a nice design with writing that's clearly had some decent effort put into it. Pity he didn't put the same amount of effort into backing up his arguments or knowing what the fuck he's talking about where k-pop is concerned, but then that's pretty typical of anybody who goes out to shit on an entire musical genre, generally speaking. I honestly doubt the sincerity of his "loathing", he's probably just taking the piss for a laugh and a few website clicks, but let's look at his top 5 "reasons" to loathe k-pop anyway, because they touch on some fairly familiar territory .
1. It makes other Asians hate themselves
Short answer: lol racist stereotyping
Long answer: ....because he met one girl at a ferry terminal with seemingly zero fucking self-esteem who wanted to look like a k-pop idol, and thought he'd stereotype an entire race of people's reactions based on his impressions of that one girl (and maybe a few others he's met too, that perhaps he's not telling us about). I guess he thought that Asian listeners of k-pop who enjoy the music but are rational enough to see the image-making side of it as pure fantasy couldn't possibly exist... or at least they didn't fit with his argument, so he just left those people out. Then he covers his racial stereotyping tracks by accusing k-pop of racism generally and goes on to call out k-pop songwriter Jenny Hyun as racist. Well, the bit about Jenny is actually correct... I guess pot, meet kettle. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
2. The lyrics are stupider than 1000 glue-sniffing retards
Short answer: no shit - it's pop music
Long answer: this sort of objection ties into a larger argument that popular music has become infected with stupidity lately. Not true - pop music in all countries of the world has always been stupid. Truly insightful lyrics are rare, and the reason why is obvious - most people don't actually listen to music specifically for the lyrics (the sole exception being rap and even that's debatable given the roughly equal stupidity of a lot of rap lyrics).
Everyone's seen lyrical comparisons like this:
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It's easy to take the most repetitive part of song A and contrast it with the least repetitive part of song B and shake our heads and use it to back up any argument that we want about who is better and why, look:
That wasn't difficult to do. Oh wow, suddenly Beyonce's song has the insightful thought-provoking lyrics and Queen's lyrics are so lazy, boring and repetitive. Well gosh. I guess by "lyric comparison meme logic" that must mean Beyonce is better. Uh-huh.
Anyone who thinks that modern music k-pop or otherwise has the monopoly on shit repetitive lyrics has obviously never heard "Surfin' Bird":
You get the idea... and unlike Beyonce's song, or Queen's song, or Super Junior's "Sorry Sorry" or T-ara's "Bo Peep Bo Peep" (two popular targets within Korea of similar "look how dumb these lyrics are" comparison memes) the WHOLE FUCKING SONG is like this.... and it's from 1963. So much for "lyrics are going down the tube compared to the good old days". Even the absolute worst lyrics in k-pop are easily matched by the equally tragic and disposable gems of western pop from the 1960s. Also, it's a separate issue from the music, which is usually what people are really interested in, rather than words. Let's move on.
3. All boys look like hyper-faggy aliens
Short answer: Gee, I wonder where they learned that from.
Long answer: not required. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
4. It's more corporate than Bank Of America or Haliburton
Short answer: Yeah nah, go back to business school.
Long answer: Okay then, let's look at the figures. The big three labels in k-pop made combined sales of $155 million in 2013, which sounds impressive but once you take away expenses, each label only made a few million dollars profit each, and JYP Entertainment even posted a loss. Still big business though, right? Well, contrast that with the biggest labels in western pop - let's start with Universal Music who made over $4 billion in revenue for 2010 with an operating profit of $470 million. In other words, Universal's net profit after expenses was three times what every "big" label in Korea made, put together, before their expenses were taken out (important, because k-pop labels have a fuckton of expenses, what with managing the lives of all those stars so closely). Sony Music (home of the author's faves, Judas Priest) had similar figures in 2012, positing revenue of $5.5 billion and a net profit after expenses of $463 million. And yes the k-pop labels are smaller arms of bigger corporate conglomerates but don't even get me started about how much money the western parent companies make. Believe it or not, by western business standards every single k-pop music label, including SM Entertainment, would probably only qualify as a reasonably large independent record label. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
Oh but you didn't mean "corporate" in terms of money made, but in terms of the inner workings of the music machine? Well then, let's move on to...
5. It's not even art, but rather the opposite: anti-art.
Short answer: I'm sorry but I think you mean "art that you don't happen to like".
Long answer: it's worth looking at the first few sentences of his argument to demonstrate the problem with it:
The problem is that people attach a qualitative definition to the term "art". They throw the term "art" around like it's a compliment, and if something doesn't meet their personal standard they'll say "that's not art" but that's incorrect. All music is art by definition. Just because you think some art is bad doesn't mean that it stops becoming art... it's just "bad art" (to you - it might be good art to someone else). Like it or not, even "The Baddest Female" is still art. Yes, I went there.
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Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
This forum post on a social anxiety forum of all places (can't imagine why a place like that would attract k-pop haters gosh no ahem) hits on some good points and I basically don't disagree with much of it. However, if the author thinks that it's only Koreans who do this stuff, think again. Let's hone down on some key points:
1. JYP snuck Wonder Girls into the US on student visas and put them up in the dodgiest accomodation known to man.
Short answer: I'm sorry but I can only admire JYP for this. Someone buy him a beer!
Long answer: Sleeping in shitty falling-apart dives sounds just like a punk tour, and brings back memories of some of the tin sheds and concrete floors I slept on back in my touring days. No singer or musician worth a damn is afraid of shitty accommodation! JYP might have even learned the visa trick from the Australian punk scene as I can think of countless punk groups who have been snuck into my country on holiday and student visas to do tours. I can't name names obviously, but if you've ever read about how some D-list band's tour got cancelled or postponed due to "visa problems" it's because they tried to cross borders on a holiday or student visa, the cluey customs staff eyed their road-weary musical gear with suspicion, ran their names through a Google search, found their tour announcement entries, and said "you're a professional band on tour, you need a working visa, wtf is this shit". (Also sometimes naive groups from foreign countries slip up and give themselves away - especially easy to do if there's also a language barrier.) This type of shit happens all the time, and it happens because holiday and student visas are easier to get. And who knows, maybe JYPs explanation is legit anyway. I highly doubt it, but you never know. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
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2. Korean performers must sleep with executives etc. to get into groups.
Short answer: Yeah and that never happens in the West ahem.
Long answer: I can't give you examples because I have no proof, but certain names in western pop were apparently quite skilled in the art of blowing the right person at the right time, and it had quite a lot to do with their career advancement. That's all I'm gonna say so don't bother asking for more details. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
3. Slave contracts suck monkey cock.
Short answer: Yes they do. So maybe don't sign one, how about that.
Long answer: I've discussed the unfairness of k-pop contracts a lot in my marketing post, and it's also been well documented elsewhere just how shitty things can be. I think it's very important to raise awareness about things like contractual obligations in the music business, which is why I made that post. I hope that people continue to be aware of the pitfalls and the industry can reform one day. However, if someone understands the terms and conditions of such a contract, chooses to sign it anyway, ends up in a group like EXO and enjoys the experience, who am I to tell them that their decision was wrong? Also, western contracts aren't much better sometimes, and occasionally, they are worse. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
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Boldly, this blogger has decided to focus somewhat on the actual musical content. Wow! Most people who write about music tend to sidestep talking about the music itself, usually because they don't possess the specific language to talk about musical ideas coherently. Not that he's always talking about musical ideas coherently either ("uninspired melodies" sounds cool but what does it actually mean in real terms, for instance), but at least he's making it clear that if we're assessing the quality of a musical genre, the music itself is of primary concern, not bullshit like what visa the group fucking flew in on or how many 15-minute breaks they get for milk and cookies during dance rehearsals. The comments he makes about shitty segues are certainly fair and I agree with that 100%. He also acknowledges that any deficits in k-pop also appear in western pop and that the two genres are basically the same, saving me the trouble of pointing it out, also admits that some k-pop artists do have good songs, and best of all he even has a crack at k-pop's irrational fans who dive under an Internet bus for their favourite groups! Bravo for this guy, he's pretty good! So why wasn't this blog post called "why pop in general sometimes sucks" then, why is he even bothering to single out k-pop in particular if he readily acknowledges that it's basically the same anyway? Well, as he says near the end:
I hope this post has been useful to you and given you some ammunition for when someone comes up to you and says "why do you listen to k-pop, that shit sucks, man" and you ask them why and they list off a bunch of shitty not-very-well-thought-out reasons. If I can deconstruct the above arguments, you should be able to do pretty well against some random douchebag. If nothing else, remember the following:
![kdl2]()
Good luck out there in real life and in cyberspace. Kpopalypse Defence League is looking out for all kpop fans! (Except those extreme fangirl crazies, you lot need to chill the fuck out, you're making the rest of us look stupid by association, thanks for understanding.) Feel free to share stories of your victories against haters in the comments below!
In this blog I'm going to collect some of the most often-heard objections to k-pop and come up with some sensible, rational non-fangirly replies that you can use at your leisure to win arguments, influence people, or just make everyone who is giving you problems shut the fuck up for a change! Welcome to the Kpopalypse Defence League!
Rather than invent arguments against k-pop and then tear them down, I'm going to bring the fight directly to the most influential haters that I can find by linking the three most articulate, well-written, thoughtful posts that I can locate (in under 30 seconds of searching ahem) lamenting the alleged shittiness of k-pop - and then I'm going to take their arguments apart.
Round 1: "Top 5 Reasons Why I Loathe K-pop And You Should Too".
I really like this guy's snarky tone and humourous writing - he's almost as much of a worthless cunt as I am! We'd probably get along well in person, and his blog has a nice design with writing that's clearly had some decent effort put into it. Pity he didn't put the same amount of effort into backing up his arguments or knowing what the fuck he's talking about where k-pop is concerned, but then that's pretty typical of anybody who goes out to shit on an entire musical genre, generally speaking. I honestly doubt the sincerity of his "loathing", he's probably just taking the piss for a laugh and a few website clicks, but let's look at his top 5 "reasons" to loathe k-pop anyway, because they touch on some fairly familiar territory .
1. It makes other Asians hate themselves
Short answer: lol racist stereotyping
Long answer: ....because he met one girl at a ferry terminal with seemingly zero fucking self-esteem who wanted to look like a k-pop idol, and thought he'd stereotype an entire race of people's reactions based on his impressions of that one girl (and maybe a few others he's met too, that perhaps he's not telling us about). I guess he thought that Asian listeners of k-pop who enjoy the music but are rational enough to see the image-making side of it as pure fantasy couldn't possibly exist... or at least they didn't fit with his argument, so he just left those people out. Then he covers his racial stereotyping tracks by accusing k-pop of racism generally and goes on to call out k-pop songwriter Jenny Hyun as racist. Well, the bit about Jenny is actually correct... I guess pot, meet kettle. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
2. The lyrics are stupider than 1000 glue-sniffing retards
Short answer: no shit - it's pop music
Long answer: this sort of objection ties into a larger argument that popular music has become infected with stupidity lately. Not true - pop music in all countries of the world has always been stupid. Truly insightful lyrics are rare, and the reason why is obvious - most people don't actually listen to music specifically for the lyrics (the sole exception being rap and even that's debatable given the roughly equal stupidity of a lot of rap lyrics).
Everyone's seen lyrical comparisons like this:
It's easy to take the most repetitive part of song A and contrast it with the least repetitive part of song B and shake our heads and use it to back up any argument that we want about who is better and why, look:
Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go. (Let him go!)
Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let him go!)
Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let me go!)
Will not let you go. (Let me go!)
Never, never let you go
Never let me go, oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
Bismillah! No, we will not let you go. (Let him go!)
Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let him go!)
Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let me go!)
Will not let you go. (Let me go!)
Never, never let you go
Never let me go, oh.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
To other men that respect what I do
Please accept my shine
Boy I know you love it
How we're smart enough to make these millions
Strong enough to bear the children
Then get back to business
Please accept my shine
Boy I know you love it
How we're smart enough to make these millions
Strong enough to bear the children
Then get back to business
That wasn't difficult to do. Oh wow, suddenly Beyonce's song has the insightful thought-provoking lyrics and Queen's lyrics are so lazy, boring and repetitive. Well gosh. I guess by "lyric comparison meme logic" that must mean Beyonce is better. Uh-huh.
Anyone who thinks that modern music k-pop or otherwise has the monopoly on shit repetitive lyrics has obviously never heard "Surfin' Bird":
A-well-a everybody's heard about the bird
B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a don't you know about the bird?
Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a...
B-b-b-bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a bird, bird, bird, well the bird is the word
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a don't you know about the bird?
Well, everybody knows that the bird is the word!
A-well-a bird, bird, b-bird's the word
A-well-a...
You get the idea... and unlike Beyonce's song, or Queen's song, or Super Junior's "Sorry Sorry" or T-ara's "Bo Peep Bo Peep" (two popular targets within Korea of similar "look how dumb these lyrics are" comparison memes) the WHOLE FUCKING SONG is like this.... and it's from 1963. So much for "lyrics are going down the tube compared to the good old days". Even the absolute worst lyrics in k-pop are easily matched by the equally tragic and disposable gems of western pop from the 1960s. Also, it's a separate issue from the music, which is usually what people are really interested in, rather than words. Let's move on.
3. All boys look like hyper-faggy aliens
Short answer: Gee, I wonder where they learned that from.
Long answer: not required. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
4. It's more corporate than Bank Of America or Haliburton
Short answer: Yeah nah, go back to business school.
Long answer: Okay then, let's look at the figures. The big three labels in k-pop made combined sales of $155 million in 2013, which sounds impressive but once you take away expenses, each label only made a few million dollars profit each, and JYP Entertainment even posted a loss. Still big business though, right? Well, contrast that with the biggest labels in western pop - let's start with Universal Music who made over $4 billion in revenue for 2010 with an operating profit of $470 million. In other words, Universal's net profit after expenses was three times what every "big" label in Korea made, put together, before their expenses were taken out (important, because k-pop labels have a fuckton of expenses, what with managing the lives of all those stars so closely). Sony Music (home of the author's faves, Judas Priest) had similar figures in 2012, positing revenue of $5.5 billion and a net profit after expenses of $463 million. And yes the k-pop labels are smaller arms of bigger corporate conglomerates but don't even get me started about how much money the western parent companies make. Believe it or not, by western business standards every single k-pop music label, including SM Entertainment, would probably only qualify as a reasonably large independent record label. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
Oh but you didn't mean "corporate" in terms of money made, but in terms of the inner workings of the music machine? Well then, let's move on to...
5. It's not even art, but rather the opposite: anti-art.
Short answer: I'm sorry but I think you mean "art that you don't happen to like".
Long answer: it's worth looking at the first few sentences of his argument to demonstrate the problem with it:
K-pop is never artist generated. It’s dreamed up in board rooms full of dudes in suits who reek of garlic and soju. The songwriting is farmed out to people whose job it is to shit sugary gold.Let's fix it:
K-pop is artist generated. It’s dreamed up in board rooms full of artists who reek of garlic and soju. The songwriting is farmed out to other artists whose job it is to shit sugary gold.People who create art are artists (even if you don't happen to like the art it's still art, objectively speaking), and someone still had to create those k-pop songs. So what if it's not the same person as the guy or girl who is singing it? In k-pop, the performer isn't usually the artist, it's more accurate to say that they are a crafter, and their job is to help craft the artist's vision, the artist being "those evil nasty people in the boardroom putting food on their tables by conceptualising entertainment for me to enjoy how dare they" or "that guy being the mixing board in the studio what an asshole how dare he genuinely like pop music enough to want to devote his life and livelihood to making it". It's the difference between an architect and a builder. Who would refuse to buy a house just because the architect wasn't also the person who laid the bricks? People who purchase property accept that those are two very different jobs and not everybody can do both effectively. Why should it be any different for music?
The problem is that people attach a qualitative definition to the term "art". They throw the term "art" around like it's a compliment, and if something doesn't meet their personal standard they'll say "that's not art" but that's incorrect. All music is art by definition. Just because you think some art is bad doesn't mean that it stops becoming art... it's just "bad art" (to you - it might be good art to someone else). Like it or not, even "The Baddest Female" is still art. Yes, I went there.
Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
Round 2: "K-pop sucks. Cheap, tacky, corrupt, evil".
This forum post on a social anxiety forum of all places (can't imagine why a place like that would attract k-pop haters gosh no ahem) hits on some good points and I basically don't disagree with much of it. However, if the author thinks that it's only Koreans who do this stuff, think again. Let's hone down on some key points:
1. JYP snuck Wonder Girls into the US on student visas and put them up in the dodgiest accomodation known to man.
Short answer: I'm sorry but I can only admire JYP for this. Someone buy him a beer!
Long answer: Sleeping in shitty falling-apart dives sounds just like a punk tour, and brings back memories of some of the tin sheds and concrete floors I slept on back in my touring days. No singer or musician worth a damn is afraid of shitty accommodation! JYP might have even learned the visa trick from the Australian punk scene as I can think of countless punk groups who have been snuck into my country on holiday and student visas to do tours. I can't name names obviously, but if you've ever read about how some D-list band's tour got cancelled or postponed due to "visa problems" it's because they tried to cross borders on a holiday or student visa, the cluey customs staff eyed their road-weary musical gear with suspicion, ran their names through a Google search, found their tour announcement entries, and said "you're a professional band on tour, you need a working visa, wtf is this shit". (Also sometimes naive groups from foreign countries slip up and give themselves away - especially easy to do if there's also a language barrier.) This type of shit happens all the time, and it happens because holiday and student visas are easier to get. And who knows, maybe JYPs explanation is legit anyway. I highly doubt it, but you never know. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
2. Korean performers must sleep with executives etc. to get into groups.
Short answer: Yeah and that never happens in the West ahem.
Long answer: I can't give you examples because I have no proof, but certain names in western pop were apparently quite skilled in the art of blowing the right person at the right time, and it had quite a lot to do with their career advancement. That's all I'm gonna say so don't bother asking for more details. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
3. Slave contracts suck monkey cock.
Short answer: Yes they do. So maybe don't sign one, how about that.
Long answer: I've discussed the unfairness of k-pop contracts a lot in my marketing post, and it's also been well documented elsewhere just how shitty things can be. I think it's very important to raise awareness about things like contractual obligations in the music business, which is why I made that post. I hope that people continue to be aware of the pitfalls and the industry can reform one day. However, if someone understands the terms and conditions of such a contract, chooses to sign it anyway, ends up in a group like EXO and enjoys the experience, who am I to tell them that their decision was wrong? Also, western contracts aren't much better sometimes, and occasionally, they are worse. Also, it's a separate issue from the music.
Round 3: "Why K-pop Sucks".
Boldly, this blogger has decided to focus somewhat on the actual musical content. Wow! Most people who write about music tend to sidestep talking about the music itself, usually because they don't possess the specific language to talk about musical ideas coherently. Not that he's always talking about musical ideas coherently either ("uninspired melodies" sounds cool but what does it actually mean in real terms, for instance), but at least he's making it clear that if we're assessing the quality of a musical genre, the music itself is of primary concern, not bullshit like what visa the group fucking flew in on or how many 15-minute breaks they get for milk and cookies during dance rehearsals. The comments he makes about shitty segues are certainly fair and I agree with that 100%. He also acknowledges that any deficits in k-pop also appear in western pop and that the two genres are basically the same, saving me the trouble of pointing it out, also admits that some k-pop artists do have good songs, and best of all he even has a crack at k-pop's irrational fans who dive under an Internet bus for their favourite groups! Bravo for this guy, he's pretty good! So why wasn't this blog post called "why pop in general sometimes sucks" then, why is he even bothering to single out k-pop in particular if he readily acknowledges that it's basically the same anyway? Well, as he says near the end:
K-pop is the mainstream trendy thing right now, so it gets the most attention.He's done it for the web traffic, I guess. Well played.
I hope this post has been useful to you and given you some ammunition for when someone comes up to you and says "why do you listen to k-pop, that shit sucks, man" and you ask them why and they list off a bunch of shitty not-very-well-thought-out reasons. If I can deconstruct the above arguments, you should be able to do pretty well against some random douchebag. If nothing else, remember the following:
Good luck out there in real life and in cyberspace. Kpopalypse Defence League is looking out for all kpop fans! (Except those extreme fangirl crazies, you lot need to chill the fuck out, you're making the rest of us look stupid by association, thanks for understanding.) Feel free to share stories of your victories against haters in the comments below!
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Nichkhun is Happy when Asked about Tiffany
On "Running Man," Yoo Jae Suk asked Nichkhun about Tiffany in a roundabout way. Of course he would say he's happy. After the jump, you will see why Nichkhun would have to be nuts not to be happy.
If he isn't happy, he would have to be clinically insane.
아저씨 adds:
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| Yup. |
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Korean Netizens Are Salty Because of G.NA's Pretty Lingerie
Since I don't have any sexual attraction towards whatever alien race G.NA is, she does have a nice pair of tits. Plus I love the fact that she is making Korean netizens mad, so that is always a plus.
Via Netizen Buzz.
5. [+21, -2] Is he seriously sticking her panties up his nose? Idiot clowns, stop turning the music industry into a pervert empire.
A netizen wants entertainment companies to stop turning the music industry into a "pervert empire." Maybe the music industry would stop if Korea didn't love porn so much. However, I love the Korean music industry because they cater to what the fans actually want, not what they say they want. The harder you deny liking these sexy concepts, the stronger your affection towards sexy concepts will become.
It's okay G.NA. You're just providing these netizens with what they really want.
(Look for the MV review to be posted this weekend.)
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Koreans Try To Act Like Hyosung Isn't Hot
Via Netizen Buzz. Yes, Hyosung and her titties distracted me while studying and working on accounting problems. I still got some work done, but not as much as I would have if Hyosung's body wasn't so jjangbak.
The first thing you'll notice is that these comments barely have any upvotes, which means that most normal Koreans were watching this MV while lubing it up. The normal ones didn't have time to even give two shits about commenting on the article, so I am assuming that most of these comments are from teenage girls who don't have funbags as big as Hyosung's.
1. [+323, -115] Seems when female singers don't have talent, they resort to stripping.
2. [+275, -105] Is it hard to sing if their clothing is thick or heavy? Why are they all singing without clothes?
The first problem I have with these comments is that they come in with expectations of being catered to as vocalfags. Well, if you want to be a vocalfag, go listen to the snoozefest released by g.o.d. (article for that is scheduled for Tuesday 12 AM). I came here for a pop song and a sexy concept and Hyosung and Duble Sidekick delivered.
5. [+20, -9] She's an ilbe, pass~
Who cares if she's an Ilbe? Does someone using a certain website make them less visually appealing? That's like saying "Alison Brie is an ugly bitch for reading reddit." Whether she reads reddit or not doesn't matter to me because I would shove my face in between her glorious tits and motorboat her until I suffocated.
7. [+10, -6] Is her job singing or showing her chest
Is your job being an asshole or a douchebag? Just finger yourself and release the hate.
8. [+8, -2] She's the one who said it was sad how female idols tried to get popular off of showing skin when her group got recognition off of showing skin for years. She ruined her group over one slip of the tongue and she thinks releasing a solo album while her team's a mess will change anything? I assure you, she'll never recover what she's lost... unless the world changes in 10 years time. She can strip all she wants now, it won't help. She'll get hate wherever she goes.
That's because Koreans are anal-retentive buttplugs who overblow the smallest of matters and can never forgive people in such situations because forgiving someone is preceded by acknowledging that you were an asshole and were too quick to condemn someone over something trivial.
Anyway, you know most Koreans secretly love the MV. Not many people commented on the Hyosung articles, which means the majority of the people were fapping and were too busy to leave ludicrous comments. The ones that did comment are just denying it and are trying to fit in. Anyone who truly doesn't like Hyosung or doesn't care about her didn't watch the MV, let alone comment on the articles. Only a group of masochists who post on a K-Pop blog watch MVs they don't like and spend more time writing about them.
Expect an MV review to come out during the weekend.
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g.o.d. Returns with The Ugly Duckling
g.o.d. was one of the huge groups of the 90s and early 2000s. That tells you right there time has passed them by.
I actually like ballads, but I really hate ones where no effort was put into the instrumental. The instrumental must be interesting enough to carry the song along with the vocals. This is another ballad that relies far too much on Kim Tae Woo's vocals and the shitty rapping by whoever the fuck is g.o.d.'s rapper. Sadly, this is a snooze-worthy ballad that isn't even worth a second listen. I'm violating my "two listens" rule, so that's why I'm not bothering to even review the song.
However, I respect that g.o.d. opted to stay with what their fans want, though I prefer it when groups such as Shinhwa modernize themselves to be viable. If g.o.d. wants to continue releasing ballads, at least make them interesting to listen to. It is possible.
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