Recently I did a post about some of the different music genres that are explored by k-pop.  Although it wasn’t supposed to be a complete list, people still complained anyway about me leaving out their favourite genres (along with their other usual complaints).  The smarter readers would have realised that I left certain genres out for a reason, but there were a few genuine oversights that I probably should have covered.  Also, I started getting questions like this:


I thought it would be fun (for me and people who enjoyed the previous post) and annoying (for everyone else) to revisit the topic of music genres and go through some genres that k-pop explores but which I didn’t cover before.  Let’s do it!




There were seven categories of genre/style in the original post, this supplementary post adds three more.  Let’s start with:


Tango– a South American dance music genre popularised in the late 19th century and designed for couples dancing, essentially waltz with more skin contact, a fusion of folk (accordion etc) and chamber (violin etc) instruments and four beats to the bar rather than three.  Often used in k-pop when a group is going for “sexy”.

Sunmi – 24 hours– very traditional style tango in the breakdown.

4Ladies – Move– tango instrumentation applied in a more modern pop way, but enough to give a slight tango feel.

Shoegaze/Dreampop– a pop music style that originated in the UK in the 1980s, it utilises layers of wall-of-noise distortion (usually from guitars – but not always) but with the intent of a more ethereal, introspective sound rather than punching you in the face.  The genre “shoegaze” is named after the shit stage presence of many of the groups in this style who would constantly stare at their own feet instead of at the audience.

K-Trance – Hey Hey– a k-pop interpretation of shoegaze.

Drum & Bass/Jungle– an electronic music style popular in the late 90s which has since sharply fallen out of vogue, characterised by fast breakbeats and heavy synthesised bass.  Not to be confused with a song that just has heavy drum and bass sounds in it, a common point of confusion for k-pop fans and in fact a lot of other people too.  The top voted comment on Reddit about the original article correctly picked up Drum & Bass as an omission from the first article, but then incorrectly singled out Sonamoo’s “Cushion” and Red Velvet’s “Ice Cream Cake” as examples of drum and bass.  In fact neither of these songs have breakbeats or the correct fast BPM, both of which are essential elements of the style, but I can’t blame anyone for getting it wrong – actual Drum & Bass in k-pop (as opposed to songs with heavy drums and bass that are in fact another genre completely) is almost impossible to find.  Back in the late 90s when Drum & Bass was huge, k-pop was significantly behind the times and never latched onto it, and now that k-pop has caught up to western trends D&B is a genre that kind of got skipped over and left behind in the rush to be current.  As a result it’s so incredibly rare in modern k-pop to find anything influenced even mildly by Drum & Bass that it seemed barely worth mentioning, which is why I skipped over it before, but I’m mentioning it here now to satisfy the curiosity of anal completists.

G-Dragon – Who You? (MKMR D&B remix)– you pretty much have to go to remixes to find Drum & Bass in any modern k-pop, as only remix DJs give a shit about this dead style anymore.

Lim Kim – Love Game– the closest an original modern k-pop has gotten to Drum & Bass in terms of feel and tempo to my knowledge, although this song doesn’t have the required breakbeats to qualify as actual Drum & Bass.

Gospel– the result of combining the three most boring things on the planet: blues music, going to church, and vocalfagging.  I didn’t cover gospel before because I wanted my post to be actually mildly interesting to a few people on the planet, or at least to myself later on when I read my own past back to myself and masturbated.  Yet the shocking truth is that occasionally there is a gospel-influenced k-pop song.

g.o.d – One Candle– a nice person on Reddit (some do exist!) correctly pointed out this song as gospel-influenced thus saving me the trouble of tracking down and listening to a bunch of shit songs.  Thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for saving my ears and sanity.

Visual Kei– a Japanese metal style that copied the glam style of 80s hair-metal bands but amped up both the musical contrast and the gender ambiguity.  The main musical difference between Visual Kei and the western glam rock that it drew from is dynamic contrast – the heavier songs are much faster and heavier, and the ballads are also much more soppy and ballady.  Visual Kei is basically X Japan and a whole ton of other bands who are nowhere near as good as X Japan.

Angel Heart – Scarlet Eyes– Korea has a ton of their own crap versions of X Japan just like the Japanese do!

EVE – Agape– here’s another shitty Korean group with some terrible Evanescence-style thing.

TRAX – Paradox – SM Entertainment also has their own wimpy, conservative Visual Kei-lite.

X Japan – Kurenai– how it’s done properly.  Note that this version showcases the metal and ballad styles of Visual Kei in the one song.

Metalcore– a style of metal popular globally that combines the drum rhythms and vocal approach of extreme metal styles with the back-to-basics riffing of hardcore punk.

Diablo – Sorrow– someone asked me about if Korea had any groups like this.  Yes, they do.


World Music– all music is obviously from somewhere in the world but “World” as a genre label really means “music from places that have people with skin that isn’t white and/or is sung in a language that rich caucasian music consumers from western countries who fetishise ‘difference’ can’t speak”.  Of course nobody wants to actually say that lest they be perceived as ethnocentric or racist, so “World Music” is a nice cozy feel-good politically correct dog-whistle term with a hidden borderline-racist origin in the same sense that “R&B” originally stood for “race records” and was all about racially segregating music (see the first post).

Girls’ Generation – I Got A Boy– this is musically the most western music ever yet it still topped Billboard’s “World” chart, which should tell you all you need to know about just how ethnocentrically-motivated the term “World” is when applied to music.

miss A – Breathe– sometimes k-pop will dare to venture to include subtle influences from the music of one of those countries where people have more melanin in their skin tone and sit around in circles being all tribal and stuff…

T-ara – Yayaya– …like the USA, for instance.  This is what people mean when they talk about “world music influences”.  Of course they could just say “folk music from [whatever country’s indigenous population]” but it’s funny to watch people squirm awkwardly as they use the term “World” and not try to appear ethnocentric at the same time, so don’t tell them about this option and just sit back and laugh.  Yes I’m a terrible person.

Urban Grooves– a dog-whistle term for rap music, this cringeworthy label is used in family-friendly record stores so they can stock Eminem and NWA in a special signed section so that teenagers will know where to find the stuff without their annoying conservative parents looking at a sign that says “rap” and saying “kids, you’re not allowed to go anywhere near that shelf, I’ve heard about that rap music, I don’t want you skipping school and turning into a yoloswaggot”.  R&B is also filed under “Urban Grooves” in these stores as a decoy in the hope that your parents will see a Rihanna album out of the corner of their eye instead of MC Buttrape if they decide to inspect the shelf more closely.

Yankie ft Dok2, Juvie Train, Double K, Rap Monster, Topbob, Don Mills – ProMeTheUs– this could be filed under “Urban Grooves”.

Ailee – Insane– this could also be filed under “Urban Grooves” for decoy purposes.

Roots– a fairly useless umbrella genre term favoured by marketing gurus and dullards which means “probably doesn’t have electronic instruments, except when it does”.  Blues, folk styles and reggae all get shoved under the “roots” banner frequently.  The term is mainly used to distinguish “music played by real people on real instruments” from “that machine-generated trash”, even though a real person also built and programmed the machine, so logic isn’t a high priority here.  The term is essentially a dog-whistle that says “if you think things made of wood are better than things made of metal you’ll probably like this” and is aimed at the type of music snobs who can talk your ear off about how vinyl sounds better than CDs and MP3s but don’t listen to any vinyl because they don’t own a record player.

2NE1 & Sungha Jung – Lonely– most k-pop mixes in their original form are too high-gloss to appeal to “roots” snobs but 2NE1’s versions of their songs with Korean virtuoso acoustic guitarist Sungha Jung are probably right up the alley of the kind of people who prefer their food served on breadboards and in pots and old shoes and other bullshit like that rather than on plates like normal folks.


Techno, House, Trance etc– I deliberately didn’t cover any of this, because fans of this type of music are the worst.  Start talking about any of this stuff and wide-eyed ecstasy-fuelled nerds with bad skin and too much unsupervised computer access will start rabbiting on about Afrika Bambaataa and the Detroit house scene and getting all anal about everything.  I deliberately lumped all this music under “electronica” in my previous post just to annoy these people’s OCD tendencies, which fortunately worked like a charm, and I’ll continue to not cover any of these genres properly now.  They’re not real genres anyway for the same reason that EDM doesn’t really mean shit, the difference between one of the 296 techno subgenres and the next is just a patch on a fucking synth.

Bambino – Oppa Oppa– maybe this song has influences of techno or house.  Or maybe it doesn’t.  Fortunately nobody cares, so I don’t feel particularly obliged to write about it.

Alternative/indie/independent– a genre term that literally means absolutely nothing whatsoever.  It has no musical meaning as it can be used to describe any genre at all regardless of sound.  It also has no meaning in a business sense especially in k-pop where the “big three” who dominate the idol scene commercially are actually all independent labels.

Busker Busker – Love, At First– you could describe this completely mainstream-sounding megahit pop ballad as “alternative” if you wanted, and most k-pop fans would probably not even bat an eyelid at that.

Post-[fill in the blank]– post-anything doesn’t really exist as a style in itself, although various styles may be considered post-something if they are a newer reaction to a now-dead musical movement, for instance 90s grunge was a reaction to 80s hair rock, 70s punk was a reaction to 70s progressive rock, industrial and new-wave both started as a reaction to the first wave of punk, etc.  However this type of labelling tends to get abused as a marketing term these days and applied as “post”-genres that the songs are still very much a part of.

Nell – Star Shine– Nell would get described as approaching post-rock by some but really it’s just rock.  There’s nothing in this song that a commercial pop-rock band like U2 didn’t do in the 1980s.

Adult Contemporary– sometimes also called AOR (Adult-Oriented Rock) or even occasionally throwing its cards on the table with MOR (Middle Of the Road).  Basically, boring music for boring people.  If you’re the kind of person who is scared to click on a new YouTube link from your favourite k-pop channel lest something might offend you, then “Adult Contemporary” is for you, however the problem is defining it.  Generally considered the opposite of “alternative”, the term becomes pretty useless when you consider that most groups these days who fit into “Adult Contemporary” fit into “Alternative” as well (U2, Nickelback and REM being good examples), proving that both terms are in fact equally useless.

K.will – You Don’t Know Love– since this term has no meaning it’s impossible to give a solid example, but K.will is boring so I feel like he fits here.

Children’s music– sometimes k-pop artists and agencies don’t just treat you like a child with their dumb press releases, but they even release music for you as if you’re a child!

J-Rabbit – Happy Things– Oh, J-Rabbit, aren’t they so fun and adora… oh wait, I’m an adult.  Never mind.

H.O.T – Candy– truly terrifying, SM must really think their fans are the mental age of 3 to release something like this.  They’re probably right of course, but that doesn’t make this any less scary.  Don’t take “Candy” from strangers with weird clown clothing, kids!

That’s it!  There’s probably a few more genres that I could have included but I’m too lazy and I didn’t even want to do the ones in this post, so fuck it!  Anyway hopefully you enjoyed this post, or it entertained you, or maybe it made you upset and you can post somewhere about how upset you are!  A winner is you!

So we have a K-pop idol who is now black, so that means Korean police officers (such as Girl's Day) need to be on the lookout.



Let's be clear: I have no idea who the fuck or what Rania is. All I know is that some black chick who couldn't make it in the States joined a Kpop group that's so nugu that I have no idea who the fuck they are.

Seeing how this group is extremely nugu, this black chick's idol life is going to end up dying fairly quickly. She'll have some shitty rap breaks in Rania's songs, and when her mangled Korean raps cause all three of Rania's fans to stop listening to the group, the group will disband and Alexandra's Kpop life will be over.

Black tourists in Korea will start rioting and trying to kill cops. Alexandra's fans(?) will stick up for her and say "She dindu nuffin", which would be a lie, because she's an idol rapper, and they're the cancer of Kpop. She would have effectively killed Rania's career for good.

So, with the future mayhem that will be going in Korea, will your favorite idol be mistaken as a police officer?

A couple years ago I wrote this post and then this other post about plagiarism in k-pop, to help the people I encounter understand the basics of what plagiarism is and is not.  I still gets tons of questions every time a new k-pop plagiarism or song ownership dispute appears, which seems to be about once per week lately.  So in the spirit of "teach a man to fish rather than slap them across the face with a fish", as well as the spirit of "please stop asking me these stupid fucking questions because nobody cares", Kpopalypse now brings to you a nice, simple guide to finding plagiarism in your favourite k-pop songs!  Yay!

 

Step 1: do you have the right song?

When checking if a song is plagiarised, it's important firstly to make sure that you have selected the right song to begin checking with.  This might seem basic, but you'd be amazed how easy it is to be tardy with important details like this.  Let's look at IU's recent "Twenty-three" controversy as a case study.



Here's a song by IU called "Twenty-three".  IU wrote the lyrics and co-wrote the music (which could mean that she wrote most of it, or just one note, or even none of it but the producers felt like throwing her a songwriting credit anyway).  It does not contain samples of any other music.



Here's another song by IU also called "Twenty-three".  IU wrote the lyrics but did not write the music.  It has samples of Britney Spears in it, which has proven controversial, because although most people consider Britney Spears and her music a bit fucking basic, people will pretend that they care about whoever it's convenient for them to pretend to care about whenever the opportunity to witch-hunt a k-pop idol comes up.

Let's recap because I know this is probably confusing for some of you:

SONG	Did IU co-write it?	Does it sample Shitney?	Are you an idiot if you confuse these two songs?
Twenty-three (feature track on IU's Chat-shire album)	Yes	No	Yes
Twenty-three (bonus OST song on IU's Chat-shire album)	No	Yes	Yes

Now, you wouldn't want to do something silly like say "that dirty IU bitch, she co-wrote this "Twenty-three" song and it's got samples of Britney Spears in it, therefore it's her fault, what a whorebag" because that would be confusing the song that she co-wrote (the first one) with the one that she did not but which has the Britney samples in it (the second one) marking yourself out as someone lacking in intelligence who confused the two different songs.  Nobody wants to be thought of on the Internet as a waste to society only good for pushing a broom in front of them, hence the importance of checking your song material before proceeding.

Step 2: do you know who owns the material?

Assuming that you're not a mouth-breather and you've identified your song correctly, it's time to figure out who actually has ownership of that song.  This is important because if we're going to talk about plagiarism or unfair use of any kind, we need to work out who owns the property.  Watch out, this could be tricky!

Let's look at a case study with Davichi in order to better understand the complexities involved.  Davichi are at the moment signed with CJE&M, but their old agency MBK wants to release an older Davichi song called "Moments" that Davichi recorded back when they were in MBK but which was never released at the time.  CJE&M would prefer that this didn't happen because Davichi is now under contract with them and they want to control what gets released, but MBK are saying "too bad, so sad" and fully intend to release the song anyway.  Can MBK actually do that?

Well firstly, singing a song does not mean you own it.  Singing a song gives you precisely 0% ownership of that song.  Ownership of a song defaults to the songwriters, not the singers - so the Davichi girls can't claim the song as theirs.  Songwriters in k-pop usually give ownership to the company however, in one of two ways:

1. As freelancers, selling their song to the company for a fee
2. As employees of the company under contract with a clause that states any creative works they make while employed by the company belong to the company

The second point is a common clause in any business, not just the music industry.  At a large corporation I used to work for many, many years ago, one of the employees I worked with made a small web-based software program to do some simple calculations for the staff.  When the supervisors saw this neat little program they told the managers about it, and the company quickly adopted the program as official procedure.  The use of this program saved the business an estimated $5 million per year, but the employee who wrote the program didn't see any of this money at all.  All he got to show for it was an increase in reputation ("look there, that's the guy who saved us $5m per year").  He probably got invited to a few nice dinners at the company's expense where the CEO spoke to him fondly but that's probably about it.

Likewise, the Davichi song would have been sold to MBK, or created under contract and legally property of MBK.  Therefore MBK can actually do whatever the fuck they want with it, they have complete legal (and ethical/moral) rights to the song, it's their property, fair and square.  Just because it's a Davichi song doesn't mean that Davichi OR their company own it.  Of course if you're a dumb bitch with a hate-boner for MBK you may think MBK are being sketchy about it but in fact the reverse is true - MBK are playing strictly by the book and CJE&M are the ones being dodgy as fuck.  CJE&M know that MBK has a reputation as "super-thugs T-ara's label oh my god watch out for their CEO he behaves like every other k-pop CEO ever" so they're appealing to the public to try and put pressure on MBK to not release the song.  They have no legal way to stop MBK from releasing what's rightfully property of MBK so they're "asking" MBK to not release it in full view of the public, trying to sway the court of popular opinion in their favour as leverage to get what they want - ultimately it's a con, a mild form of barely-legal extortion.


Going back to the IU situation, and IU doesn't own the music to "Twenty-three" (the OST song) and she certainly doesn't own those Britney samples on the track either... but, plot-twist - neither does Britney Spears.  Britney's song "Gimme More" that IU's songwriters sampled was actually a creation of four different songwriters, none of whom are Britney (who barely has any rights over her own fucking life let alone her songs) and it's also entirely possible that those songwriters or Britney's agency agreed to sell those snatches of Britney's vocal to a sample CD company, making Loen's clarification of where the songwriters got the samples from quite believable.  After all it's not any actual melody that's being sampled, just tiny snatches of talking.  It's just as possible that the same sample CD company just lifted the Britney samples without permission of course, passing it off as their own in-house-created samples, and then sold it to various producers around the world... or it's possible that IU's producers just nicked the tiny vocal snatches thinking "it sounds cool and who will honestly give a fuck".  This happens more often than you'd think.  Samples tend to end up in the public circulation if used enough, like Flavor Flav's vocals from Public Enemy's "Bring The Noise" which wound up on DIA's "Somehow".  MBK probably didn't ask for permission to use that either... and neither did the 500 other artists who have used Public Enemy's samples ever since Public Enemy have been making music, like Madonna's producers, who sampled Public Enemy's "Security Of The First World" beat for "Justify My Love"... but of course that beat wasn't Public Enemy's either but was originally sampled from James Brown's "Funky Drummer", and Public Enemy weren't the only ones to do that.  You can find the "Funky Drummer" beat on every sample drum-loop CD ever nowadays, it's pretty much considered public domain even though the original drummer is still trying to get royalties.  Britney's vocal samples might yet occupy a similar "legal but not" space.

Step 3:  can you use your ears?

Netizenbuzz sadly did the stupids of the k-pop world an incredibly punishing disservice in her IU article by linking the YouTube channel of this fucking clueless idiot, some clown called "Copycat Hunter" with video after video that proves beyond doubt that neither him/her nor the legions of morons who take these type of videos seriously have any clue what plagiarism or even basic similarity actually is in practice (despite pretending to understand the theory).  I've covered before how "soundalikes" are not plagiarism and it's perfectly legal to have a song that sounds very similar to another song as long as melody isn't exactly copied, but most of the videos on this person's channel don't even qualify as sonic soundalikes, let alone plagiaristic ones.



f(x)'s "Rum Pum Pum Pum" supposedly sounds like Wu-Tang Clan's "Careful (Click Click)"?  Really?  I find it hard to think of two songs more completely different in every single aspect.



Twice's "Ooh-Ahh" and some shit Matchbox 20 song?  Shannon's "Why Why" would have been a closer pick to the Twice song, and even that's not plagiarism, just a soundalike... but nothing about the Twice and Matchbox 20 songs are the same apart from that they both have a chorus with some fast hi-hat in it.

It's a pretty safe bet to say "Copycat Hunter" is completely tone deaf, because nothing else explains this person's truly bizarre song matchups.  Of course it's not this person's fault if their ears don't work but perhaps they shouldn't be making videos as if they know something when they clearly do not.  Of course because it's on Netizenbuzz now the stupidest of k-pop following morons all over the world will believe it anyway, so expect to see all of this person's shit videos being bandied around as "plagiarism proof OMG!!!!!1111" for the forseeable future by every fuckwit k-pop fan who has only enough brain cells to rub together to figure out how to make a Disqus account and copy-paste GIFs.  I resisted linking the "Copycat Hunter" channel in my ask.fm because it's so cancerous and full of shit but then I realised that Netizenbuzz had already let the contagious-disease-ridden cat out of the bag, so now I figure I'd better highlight it here as a community service so at least all of you nice readers are now armed with the tools you need to fight against this crime against reason when it appears in forums and on articles, which it will.

I know it seems crazy but for two songs to be considered the same, they actually have to... you know, sound the same.  Not just "oh gosh that seems a bit similar" or "that reminds me of that other song" or even "gee whoever wrote this new song was clearly inspired by that other song from before and are clearly trying to copy it a bit" but exactly the same for a reasonable length of time.  This means they have to fit one of the following criteria:

• Same melody for a reasonable portion of the song (at least eight bars), plus the same harmony underneath this melody
• Same words, not just similar but exactly the same, word-for-word for a reasonable length of time
• Actual samples lifted from the other song (a "reasonable portion" i.e easily identifiable as having come from the other song)

And then on top of that:

• No permission given for use, publicly or privately
• No aspect of the work given or sold to the "copyists" or the public domain by the legal owners
• Not uncopyrightable (certain drumbeats, harmony in isolation, production techniques etc cannot be copyrighted or all new music would be impossible to create without breaking copyright law)

If you can use your ears well enough to determine all of this, then your plagiarism suspicions might be valid - maybe.  On the other hand if you struggle with little details like "hearing stuff properly" and "knowing what a melody is", maybe you shouldn't be making a YouTube channel about it.  You fucking dumbass.

---

So that's it!  Hopefully this has been an educational experience in the ins and outs of plagiarism, and a good lesson in why almost everybody that you read stuff from about this topic on the Internet is probably completely full of shit!  Now you can feel superior and smarter than them, just like Kpopalypse does!  Please look forward to more posts where I alienate myself further from the hive-mind and teach you how to do the same!  An exciting world of ostracision by the ultra-uptight cunty mainstream k-pop community awaits you!

You guys nominated. I tallied (by hand, that shit took forever). You guys voted, so here are the top 5 most voted for males that you guys wanted to see more of.

If none of the top five meet your required standards, I've included a cult favorites towards the end, and if that doesn't tickle your fancy, well, sorry.

Before anyone accuses me of "fraud" or anything, here are the results screencapped from my phone:



The top five will get some pics and gifs posted of them, along with my useless commentary.

Brown Eyed Girls recently came back after a two year break with "Brave New World". The first time I heard the song, I was like 'what the actual fuck is this shit'. It sounded like one of those many disjointed messes in Kpop that just make you wanna scrunch your face up in disgust. The second time I heard it though, it wasn't as bad, and the third, I fell in love. This song is so fucking good. Although I gotta say I am disappointed with the Miryo rap break. I think it started out okay but halfway through her flow disappeared into thin air. Nonetheless, I kept replaying this song, and I'm not the type of person to replay songs so that's saying something.




While the song is great, I have to ask myself this: what the fuck do these lyrics even mean? First we have Gain talking about time bending and a 'blue-colored scream' that is apparently 'brown like her eyes' (I'm sorry Gain, you lost me there). Then we have Narsha talking about something tangled -- possibly Rapunzel's hair (or mine). Then there's JeA talking about someone shooting... something ('trip into there shoot um um um trip deeper inside shoot um um um', you can go ahead and make of that what you will) and then suddenly she's wondering about the world. Lastly we have Miryo talking about old people problems like blood pressure. That's probably (and sadly) the only point that seems relevant to BEG.

Is it just me, or have they gone batshit crazy with these lyrics? I bet the lyricist was all like 'Ah, fuck it. Let's just write some random shit down and everyone will think it has some deep meaning behind it because, duh, BEG'. That makes me think though -- the best thing about Kpop is that we can't understand these lyrics anyway so we can just listen to the song without wanting to gauge our eyes out. As for all you Korean fans out there, I feel sorry for you. Or not.

Fuck, my head hurts just reading these lyrics and trying to make any sense of them. I gotta need some fresh air.

(On the contrary, their other song "Warm Hole" has very straightforward lyrics.)

Rania demonstrates why it should disband because this fucking song sucks.
When I review songs, I usually listen to them a few times because the first time you listen to a song, it's hard to catch everything. For some people, they're masturbating to the main vocalist hitting a certain note. To others, they notice some complex chord that makes him or her touch himself or herself. To people like me, there's usually just too much going on to notice everything on the first listen. However, this song sucks so much that I'm listening to f(x)'s 4 Walls while writing this review.
This song is so underwhelming and basic that I really only needed 30 seconds before I knew this song was bad. It sounds like a B-track from the early 2000s when R&B dominated the airwaves. Unfortunately, R&B is garbage, and this song's basic R&B beat did nothing for me. I spent the whole time looking at the timer at the bottom left so that the song could end. None of the girls are attractive, and this is coming from someone who would bang Boram. (Well, that's probably just because she's Kpopalypse's mom and not because of Boram's actual appearance.)
Rania will probably disband before Alexandra can obtain a visa to work in South Korea. That's how awful this group is. 

Recently, there have been many opinions regarding my lyrics and although I’m aware of it, I’ve taken longer than I thought to gather my courage (to respond). Sorry that I’m late. 
I had things to do that are actually important.


I’m sincerely sorry if people were emotionally hurt
because they're so stupid that they can't understandby my lyrics.


My album “chat-shire” included songs that were created from the perspective of various characters from stories, based on what came to my mind and things that happened to the 23-year-old me. 
Also a few things that happened to the 15-year-old me at the hands of my agency and uncle fans, but I'm sure that you understand that I can't be completely open about that because the same agency that hired me back then is still hiring me now.  “Zeze” is one of those songs.


“My Sweet Orange Tree” is a novel I really cherish. I swear I didn’t write the lyrics with the intention to sexually objectify a 5-year-old child,
although the fact that people have interpreted it that way is certainly hilarious.  How ironic that I can be marketed as pedo-bait for years and the nation happily calls me their "little sister" (eww), but as soon as I start criticising the pedophile-pandering of the early image that was forced on me in my new songs I'm suddenly demonised. The ‘Zeze’ in the lyrics only borrows the content from the novel as a motif, as the 3rd character,
because I can't exactly come out and write "when I was under 18 I got sick of being marketed as fap material for creepy uncle fans and smelly nerds, I wanted to stab them all in their fucking sleep" so I have to use symbolism to get my point across.  However, after hearing what many people who listened to my music said, I realised that my lyrics caused them unhappiness and emotional hurt to them,
because they were too dumb to understand what I was on about, and this made them feel mentally inadequate.  That is completely due to my inexperience as a lyricist,
if I was better at writing lyrics I would have been a bit more subtle about it so the oxygen-sponging stupids didn't realise that they were too dumb to understand basic high school grade symbolism and get all insecure and cunty about it straight away but maybe three months later once I'd milked a bit more cash out of them.


What I said in an interview also caused many people to be surprised,
because they're such fucking dumb cunts who should be fed face-first into a meat-grinder for laughs.  In the interview, I said, “I’m not talking about the young Zeze, but his particular character trait that I felt was sexy.” I was not talking about the 5-year-old child, but the duality of his “character trait”.  However, mentioning a child and ‘sexy’ in the same sentence, seems to have caused much misunderstanding and that was negligence on my part
to not realise that the average k-pop fan can barely rub together two brain cells to produce a thought.  It was probably a little bit hopeful of me to expect them to identify critical satire of my former image, even though I made it so bleedingly obvious that I pretty much wrecked the entire album by boringly revisiting this same theme so much on every track.  For that, I apologise.


Prior to this, the sampling issue of the bonus track ‘twenty three’ was my fault as a producer, for not being careful enough to check the source of the samples used when arranging the song. 
I mean, who the fuck would have thought anybody still actually listens to Britney Spears, the woman's recent music is all fucking worthless bullshit that nobody cares about so I thought I'd get away with nicking an insignificant word or two, but hey I guess you k-pop fans actually like listening to total fucking garbage.  You probably also like eating dog shit for breakfast and listening to trap.  Currently, we’re still awaiting confirmation from Britney Spears’ side, to seek sample clearance from them,
they're right now poking Britney with sticks inside her cage to see if they can get her to respond with a coherent thought about any of this.  So far they've just had a few grunts, it seems that we might be waiting a while.


As this is the first album I took on as a producer, I was excited and being hungry for praise, I ended up being too greedy. It seems I’ve made many mistakes,
like assuming that k-pop fans understand satire or can think beyond the absolute most superficial level on any given issue, and also when I had a gangbang in EXO's dorm that one time, gosh I hope that doesn't ever get out.  Once again, I bend my head in apology towards the people I’ve caused hurt to and the people who were disappointed
in their own ability to stay rational and not believe every piece of bullshit that they read on trashy gossip sites, SNS and rumour mills or their ability to control their own rampant confirmation bias.  I guess T-ara taught people nothing.


I’ll reflect and work harder and will definitely bring a more mature side of myself as IU,
because I've been a performing seal for pedophiles and infantilising morons like you for years and I'm so over it, so the more mature the better.  My apologies,
cunts.

And for you heifer hunters out there...

Hello again, friends, and apologies for skipping out on last week's Best of the Worst. We're back with this week's shittiest kpop news, including someone who likes Namjoo a little too much, a girl group who wants you to calm the fuck down at the airport, and idols who look cute in glasses:

Hyominnie didn't make the list, but she should have.

• For those of you with a glasses fetish, I present to you "Idols who look just so fine in eyeglasses."

• VIXX's Ken coughed up blood preparing this next comeback for you, so you better like it.

Oppa didn't die for you to only buy the lead single on iTunes.

• Key gets a shit-ton (exact Korean measurement) of coupons from McDonald's for dressing up as Ronald for Halloween.

• Musical actor accused of sending dick pic to fan. There's something in there about a boil on his groin, too.

• Writer/actor Yoo Byung Jae likes himself some Namjoo. But you're not supposed to know that.

• Mamamoo wants you to stop acting like a jerk at the airport.

• BEG members are open about their ever-changing looks. I've got much respect for that.

• And winner of this week's I Can't Believe It's News Award: Girl's Day's Minah wears a really short skirt.

What, you don't cover up your puss when you walk up the steps? Well, that's why you're a whore, and Minah's a nice girl.

In the never ending quest to determine boob size, Kpopalypse is back with the third big boobs in k-pop post!  Several new busty entrants in k-pop have appeared, plus there are still many existing idols who have not been covered.  Come on another journey into (or perhaps between) the breasts of your favourite Korean idols!


Be warned - this post is bigger than Qri's implants, so it might lag a little on slower devices, like netizens' brains.  Proceed with caution!

Boobs will be assessed as per the usual criteria from previous lists:

Size - the apparent "pearly volume" of the subject.

E factor - enhancement using "mechanical" means - padding, push-up bras, layering, clever clothing choices etc.

PS factor - enhancement using medical means.  Also, Photoshop enhancement - the "other PS".

Fanservice - the willingness of the subject to portray her boobs in a positive light... or indeed any light.  Something that is never experienced by the senses could be said to theoretically not exist.  Likewise, a boob that is never displayed may require deep scientific investigation into its presence in the physical world to determine if it in fact exists.  A daunting task for even the most seasoned boobs-physicist but one which Kpopalypse is prepared for.

All boobs are then given a final score for fapability, a combination of all the essential above elements.  Bigger size and better fanservice generally increases fapability, bigger E and PS factor generally decreases fapability.

I collected suggestions from ask.fm for any k-pop girls I had missed previous and got a ton of responses, there's no way I can include everyone you asked for (there were literally hundreds of suggestions), but I'm not trying to cover every idol in every group ever, just the ones that I feel would be of greatest concern to boob fappers.  Also, I'm only covering active artists - I won't cover actresses, dance groups with no songs of their own etc and I won't cover anyone who used to make music but now does not.  Many singers have already been covered by Kpopalypse, so if your favourite is missing from this list, check part 1 and part 2 to see is she has already been covered before writing me that essay on how I neglected your fave.  These lists are not intended to be "complete" and never will be, as boobs in k-pop is an ongoing, ever-evolving concern, all I can do is try to cover the main bases (mainly second base).

Let's start this list off with an important update:

QRI (T-ara)

I normally never revisit people for this list a second time (so don't ask me to do this for anyone else) but there's no question that Qri has been rocking some enhanced volume since her inclusion on my previous list.


Did she get prettier?  More than likely.  Early T-ara videos show virtually no Qri boobage at all, whereas recent videos show lots of Qri boobage and no jiggle whatsoever.


While generally I prefer natural boobs and I don't recommend that people get surgery, how can I not appreciate the effort and high determination levels that Qri has to ascend in my fapability list ranking?  Qri is also quite keen to show off her newfound assets and often wears clothes to suit.  This type of effort should be duly rewarded.

 

Jimin (AOA)

Is Jimin really busty, or is she just really fucking short?  It's well known that short people tend to look curvier because of the height-to-boob ratios (an illusion often exploited by the porn industry).


Well, she's quite short as we know, but she's actually taller than the notoriously well-endowed Sunny from Girls' Generation.  Are Sunny's boobs an illusion?  Doubtful.


Jimin definitely isn't busty but her proportions overall mean that she's curvy enough for her height for some fap to happen - on top of this, she's pretty good about consistently wearing flattering clothing that accentuates what she's got to work with.

 

Seolhyun (AOA)

We all know that Seolhyun's ass meets required standards of Kpopalypse readers, but what about her boobs?


I suspect that Seolhyun and Jimin are actually about equal bustiness, but Seolhyun just has more height.


Fortunately, both are the beneficiary of their agency's continual commitment to providing outstanding fanservice, so Seolhyun's boobs are always being displayed in the most flattering manner possible.

 

Choa (AOA)

It's fair to say that Choa carries the cans in AOA.  Furthermore she always looks well-endowed, whether in official promo shots, selcas or paparazzi/fan photos, a sure sign of genuine boobage.


When determining boobs, consistency is key.  Minimal variance between boob size in different settings usually means the real deal, because while plenty of girls pad and get shopped, few girls pad and get shopped all the time by exactly the same amount, so odd variances will creep in.


Not so with Choa who has a consistent upper-body image.  On top of that Choa is always dressing outstandingly.  Truly a poster girl for the cause of k-pop boob appreciation.

 

Kyungri (Nine Muses)

People have been sad because I haven't covered anyone in Nine Muses in these posts yet.  Time to fix!


Kyungri does all that lingerie modelling, so you know she's busty - they don't consistently hire people for that type of work without a reason.


However let's not get carried away, she's not all that busty, she's just got good proportions and is great at presentation.  Also, lingerie modelling always gets shopped to fuck and back without exception.

 

Moon Hyuna (Nine Muses)

Moon Hyuna from Nine Muses has broad shoulders which is always a big boobs tipoff - girls with naturally large breasts tend to also have a wide shoulder span.  Mind you the above photo is fairly obviously shopped so don't be fooled by the cleavage.


This photo here gives a much more accurate indication of true size, which isn't super-busty but she's still in the upper echelon of idols when it comes to boobs.


I used to go out with a girl who had this type of frame and looked pretty much like this with a shirt and a bra underneath, so I reckon I now know what Moon Hyuna looks like naked too.

 

Sungah (Nine Muses)

Sungah doesn't quite have the bustiness of her groupmates but she's not too far behind.


I mean sure, she looks busty here but magazine lingerie shoots are a pretty intense shop-fest.


Still she probably wouldn't have even got hired for Maxim and shit if she didn't have some tits so willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

 

Eunsol (Bambino)

The first of the nugus for this post, this inclusion was a no-brainer.  Dance group turned idol group Bambino recently made the transition to performing original material and are swiftly being carried out of nugu territory between Eunsol's ample tits.


Their "adult-oriented dance-group" origins make Bambino more willing to push the envelope than other more conservative idol groups, and therefore the type of fanservice that most of these groups reserve for special occasions is something that Bambino wouldn't even bat an eyelid at.


No-one's ever seen them jiggle though, but maybe it's just as well, it might be too much for us to take.  If you're a heterosexual guy who hasn't blown his load in a day or two and you don't immediately want to stop reading this stupid post and start fapping to this image, I suggest you see your doctor about hormone replacement therapy.

 

Hadam (Bambino)

Hadam isn't the bustiest girl on the block, especially when that same block has Eunsol next door, but Hadam has been gaining attention from those k-pop fans and general fancap fappers who not only like boobs but also appreciate highly toned physiques.


Most idols are fit as a fiddle anyway but Hadam takes physical fitness to another level that even gym junkies like Clara and Eunjung would struggle to match.  Watch her at this link picking up and carrying not one but two other members of her group at the same time.


A bit of muscle tone also increases bustiness because the boobs have muscular support.  Just don't fap to her without her permission, because she'll fight you - and win.

 

Momo (Twice)

Twice are such a new group at this point that it's hard to judge individual members at this stage because not enough quality material exists.  However Momo has come to the attention of boob aficionados as a person to watch for now and into 2016.


Almost everyone in Twice was suggested for this post but Momo was the only name that kept repeatedly coming up.  She certainly shows signs of genuine bustiness but it's early days yet, we might have to wait for Twice's upcoming hooker concept to investigate further.

 

Alexandra (Rania)

Rania's newest entrant is a black American called Alexandra and apparently that's a big deal for some of you, for reasons that I'm yet to figure out or care about.  However it can't be denied that black Americans tend to have bigger boobs on average than Koreans, so this fact could be relevant to this post yet.


Unfortunately we've only got a few probably heavily shopped promo photos to go off at this stage, plus a comeback performance where she pretty much wore a glitter tent, here she is below getting styled in preparation for that performance:


It's worth mentioning though that even in her Bedazzled hip-hop rags it was clear enough that she definitely had some boobs, however further data needs to be uncovered before any accurate judgements can be made.  This is always the danger when people suggest someone who has only just debuted.  You can't assess fap without a reasonable-sized quantity of fap material.

 

Jei (Fiestar)

Not many people even noticed Jei from Fiestar initially, but her profile suddenly shot up when Fiestar started embracing some more adult concepts, and even more so thanks to Maxim Korea.


It's hard to tell how much cheating is going on or how real they are, but non-modelling shots also display a significant amount of curve, suggesting that Jei might be legit and not be padding overly, although she definitely does get some significant undergarment help.


I've never seen much independent boob movement however, and her boobs are suspiciously round and perky in situations where one wouldn't expect, suggesting that Jei's chest may have turned 20 a while back.

 

Yezi (Fiestar)

Yezi's boobs aren't as big as Jei's but she has the advantage of near-certain boob naturalness.


Fake boobs struggle to squish in supple ways as depicted above without some kind of seam appearing where the implant ends and the boob begins.


She's wearing pretty light layers too so there's probably little stacking and padding going on.  Yezi's boobs are formidable and weighty enough to keep groupmate Linzy securely pinned to the mattress in the above picture.  Linzy might have to suck on them to deflate them a little so she can get out of there.

 

Hwasa - Mamamoo

I was surprised that quite a few people mentioned Hwasa's name for this list.  Hwasa's thighs are well known amongst k-pop fans as the gold standard right now for k-pop thigh flesh, but what about her boobs?



Hwasa's got that kind of body where most of the meat has gravitated towards the lower half.  This is of course good for those who like thighs and booty, but it also means she's relatively light on boob volume.  Some bras and general boostage help out a bit but the above braless photo gives the game away.


Hwasa generally has to pad up to make an impression in the top half, but that's okay.  Most people I think are looking lower down than that anyway.

 

Solar (Mamamoo)

Solar isn't that busty either.  She does have a bit of curve for sure, but every trick in the book has been used to create the illusion of large tits in the photo above, including push-up, the arms-at-sides pushing-in business and even the famous Hwayoung-patented twin-bra technique.


When Solar isn't padding it massively, she looks like in the photo above.  I know Mamamoo are kind of flavour of the month right now, but it's not wise to suggest unbusty people for these lists, even if you like them or they're popular.  I'll just mark them down and then you'll be upset at me, and I won't care.


A form-fitting dress also gives ample opportunity to insert pads and double-bra it.  Nobody is Mamamoo is really that busty though, they just know how to work with what they've got.

 

Seoyoung (Hello Venus)

Here's another pick from you folks that I didn't quite get.  Sure, she looks great above but that bulge is about 50% bra.


I don't think she's that busty at all, I think it's the combination of a tiny frame and push-up factor giving that illusion.


There's not much there even with the bra on in this case so she's probably padding as well.  At least with Hello Venus finally ditching the kiddy concepts and going to something a bit more adult, she still looks the part.

 

Nara (Hello Venus)

 

KittiB

Speaking of short, some of you mentioned KittiB, the rapper who has had some fame with Unpretty Rapstar lately.


She seems to have some nice boobs but she also seems to be really fucking short.  Use the wine glass in the photo above for size perspective, either that glass is fucking huge or she's a dwarf.  Notice how all the camera angles are from slightly above, that's because the person with the camera is always taller than her.


Still, who can say no to a bit of dwarf sex?  She's pretty cute in this photo.  I would take her to the Shire and bang her in Frodo's bed while he's out getting the ring or whatever.

 

Jace (Miss $)

One rapper from Unpretty Rapstar that I thought everyone would mention for inclusion in this post but nobody did was Jace, who has always had massive jugs.


She's pretty good about always wearing stuff that accentuates her already-big boobs, too.  Hell, in her latestvideos she can't even do half of the usual lame hip-hop arm movements other rappers do because her huge tits are in the way.


This is the closest the Korean rap world has to Puer Kim as far as I'm aware.  Sure she might be pushing up a bit but holy shit what if she's not...

 

Soyoon (Pocket Girls)

Race-queen concept group Pocket Girls made a splash around the world when Soyoon got the girls out in this amazing top, but the fact is that just about anybody would look busty wearing that outfit.  Notice how twin bras is actually integrated into the costume design.


The "whatever it is you call that black thing" thing also provides some extra bustiness effect.  Let's take a closer look.


This outfit definitely meets required standards, but I'm going to go out on a limb and say that Soyoon isn't quite as busty as she appears.

 

Suyeon (Pocket Girls)

I was sad when SeA left Pocket Girls (who isn't covered here because I don't cover ex-members who aren't active in music).  SeA definitely had the biggest boobs and I always thought she was unfairly overshadowed by Soyoon just because of the luck of the fancam lottery.  This sadness of missing SeA lasted for precisely as long as until I found out about her replacement.


Suyeon achieves all of the bustiness of Soyoon but with only half the props.  Mind you these photos probably are heavily shopped.


She's out busting almost everyone in k-pop and she hasn't even done anything yet except dance to the greatest song in the world.  Let's give Suyeon our support!

 

Yubin (Wonder Girls)

Yubin was suggested by many and probably made an impression thanks to The Wonder Girls' latest 80's-themed comeback, but anyone could look well-endowed in clothing like that.  Those bulges could be anything.


Yubin is a bit more convincing away from the videos, selcas and candid shots all show a consistent amount of boobage.


One thing we definitely can be sure of is that even though Yubin isn't the bustiest girl out there, she definitely didn't get prettier - her drum solo thing for Reboot is such a jiggle-fest that it's amazing a stray boob didn't pop out and give her a black eye.

 

Yenny/YeEun (Wonder Girls)

This picture pretty much laid it on the line, and even this level of boob is optimistic as it's an official promo shot and they're almost always shopped to make the boobs look bigger, plus it's black and white which always helps increase boob depth perception.


At least I hope featuring her satisfied you folks, it's clear that her boobs have some fans, even though it's not that clear to me why.  Look at the picture above - JYP knows what you're thinking, he knows nobody will even know about her mini-album if he doesn't put the text right there.

 

Hyoeun (Stellar)

Hyoeun has recently upped her cleavage game since the last boobs post where I passed her over in favour of Minhee even though I find Hyoeun way hotter.


I'm pretty sure Minhee still has the bigger boobs but Hyoeun is nevertheless very presentable, and often wears clothes that help her rise to the occasion.


How sad does she look here.  Please fap to her, and make Hyoeun smile again.  Also someone find me a version of this picture without text in front of it thanks.

 

Jeonyul (Stellar)

On the other hand I don't find Jeonyul attractive at all, but Kpopalypse gives boob credit where boob credit is due.


She's fit though, although I guess what k-pop idol isn't.  I also think she pads a lot, her boobs are generally pretty firmly encased in something.


I don't know what the fuck is in that bag but it's not as mysterious as what's stuffed down her bra.  Still they look okay and I'm never going to get to feel them anyway and neither are you so what does it matter really.

 

Nahyun (Sonamoo)

Nahyun from Sonamoo was a surprise nomination for me.  This official promo picture could be heavily shopped as most are so let's look at some more candid pics.


She looks good here but once again it's the powerful deployment of stripes that is carrying most of the busty impression here.


Put her in clothes more than 1cm thick and those boobs vanish with barely a trace.  Sorry but the busty princess is in another castle.

 

Newsun (Sonamoo)

Newsun is definitely the boobiest girl that Sonamoo has got, but even she's not all that.


Just because you happen to like a certain group doesn't mean that they have much boob.  It doesn't seem to take much more than a clingy top or a school uniform to fool some of you folks.


I've taken enough girls' clothes off to know that Newsun isn't that busty although she's probably still bustier than all those girls form Red Velvet and Twice who were puzzlingly nominated for this post but which could never possibly get in because I don't like giving fapability scores lower than 3.

 

Narsha (Brown Eyed Girls)

Frequently overshadowed by Gain (who was covered in the previous boobs post) does Narsha have what it takes to shine on her own?


Okay so she might looks like someone from Exo here but she has some boobs.  However I don't think she's really in Gain's league.  Mind you Gain has so much push-up going on that even Gain probably isn't in Gain's league.


This underwear modeling shot shows the patented "left boob trick" (patent pending: Hyosung) and even then there's not all that much volume, even with the benefit of fairly obvious shopping.  She still beats many nominees however.

 

Nicole (KARA)

While glute-waving has never been wanting in KARA, upper-body fanservice has always been lacking in the group, which is a shame as Nicole probably has some decent boobs.


The problem is that we'll probably never get to find out for sure because she keeps wearing shit like this.


I could have used more recent photos where she's upped the cleavage-display a tiny fraction, but I always thought short-hair Nicole looked best.  We all know she's got boobs anyway.

 

Park Jimin (15&)

All you single heterosexual guys have got that one cool female friend who is super fucking hot as fuck, and that you would absolutely lick the clitoris of until her pussy juices creamed all over your face in a hot minute.  However that will never happen and you know it, because you're not her type - she's always hanging out with and/or lusting publicly on her SNS over guys who are completely different to you in every way.  You're not an angst-ridden MRA-grade asshole about it though, in fact you're quite at peace with it - you're a mature, emotionally secure man who doesn't make a fuss if girls don't like you and you know that there's other fish in the sea, plus there's always your right hand which hasn't failed you yet.


"I'll never have her, so I'll just fap to her pics instead" you think to yourself, but she's one step ahead of you - her Instagram is a strict no-fap zone.  Every single photo of her is just her pulling silly/ugly faces on purpose, or pictures of her food or sunsets or her relatives or some other bullshit that nobody cares about.  You're not sure if she just thinks she's not that pretty, or if she does it deliberately to annoy you, but you're surely not that important to her so it's probably the first one.  There's always a subtle-yet-detectable edge of melancholic "I calmly accept that I'm a bit chubby and I ain't all that hot" angst in her posts and it really burns you because you've spent the last six months draining your balls to the thought of sticking your dick in between her fat rolls.


Sometimes you want to tell her how much you like her, not because you think you have a chance with her (you definitely don't - and that's cool), but you wonder if the knowledge that some guy was crazy over her appearance alone would make her feel a bit better about herself.  You'd like it, just for her sake, if she was able to cast aside society's bullshit expectations of women enough to the point where she could realise that she is actually smoking hot, at least to some guys, at least to guys like you.  However you can't really be open about this to her - there's a high risk that she'd probably take it the wrong way, like as if you were trying to pick up on her.  That would be a logical assumption on her part, but it'd also be incorrect.  You don't want to do that (well, you do, but you can't, so you won't), you just want her to feel good about herself.


One day you arrange to meet her and when you see her you think about waiting for the right moment and saying something about it... but you watch her disinterested expression that clearly isn't excited to see you in any way beyond "he's a guy I know and he's a little weird but he's okay I guess as long as he doesn't get too close to me" and you quickly think better of it.  Why complicate her life with your bullshit.  It's probably better to just shut your fucking mouth.

 

Taeyeon (Girls' Generation)

Some time ago, Anti Kpop-Fangirl author and intrepid boob-explorer Zaku created a post where he alerted the k-pop community to a black chasm underneath Taeyeon's boobs.


Here the black chasm is contained safely in industrial-strength clothing.  However, an historic moment has occurred and Kpopalypse is now going to use the Large Hardon Collider to shoot light molecules into the chasm between Taeyeon's boobs and illuminate the darkness therein.


There is much nervousness in the scientific community as well as the k-pop fapping community about this.  Some speculate that a failed experiment could mean the end of the boobverse, but you can't halt the march of technology.  It's time to fire the machine up.

I hope more hot girl groups will dress as hot Santas.

That's right caonimas, it's time for another episode of:


This will be the final Nugu Alert for 2015!  Let's round up the year's final bunch of nugus for your appreciation and entertainment!

This episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert is all about k-pop girl groups.  It's pretty clear from the feedback I get about Nugu Alert that out of the tiny minority of you who give a flying fuck about these posts, most of you would rather see girl groups than anything else featured here.  Always one to cave into popular demand, Kpopalypse is here to fulfill your wishes!

The usual rules apply.  Here they are for those needing a recap:


The first rule weeds out a lot of girl groups, because girl groups are popular.  Suggestions such as A.H.H.A, PPL (Perfect Performance Ladies), ACE, DiaGirls, ATT and Hotties were all earmarked for this post but then discarded when they quickly racked up over the 20,000 view limit (but I've included their links here so you can catch up if you missed any of their outstanding work).  However fear not as Kpopalypse still has nugus to share!  I like girl groups too, because on average they tend to have the better music (I'll save why for another post), plus girl groups have girls and girls are a plus, so I do make a special effort to try and seek out new girl groups when I can.  Here's some ones I've found recently, and I'm pretty sure that these are all suggestions from multiple readers.

---

A-Daily - Spotlight

A-Daily are nugu as fuck.  The first sign of a mega-nugu is when a group you've never heard of before comes to your attention with their second release.  Even when you're already subscribed to every k-pop list, forum and blog known to man you still missed noticing their debut - so what was it?  Apparently it was a song called "If You Don't Tell Me", which seems to have fared so badly for the group that the agency abandoned their YouTube channel completely and started a fresh one.  Another sign of ultra-nugudom is that their recent Music Core performance has ZERO VIEWS 24 hours after it was uploaded, and that's to popular official channel MBCkpop.  I didn't even think it was possible to have no views on YouTube, even when I've uploaded my own videos to YouTube I've at least watched the fucking things once just to check that they were working.  The staff at MBC clearly don't give any more of a fuck about this group than anyone else.


The song "Spotlight" isn't too bad though, and the backings even have a bit of a Bravesound circa 2013 flavour in a semi-decent way, being similar to the sort of sound they were rocking for SPEED and Teen Top back then.  I doubt it actually is Bravesound producing this though, mainly because I'm not hearing "A-Daily, we're back, with Bravesound!" in the spoken intro which seems to be mandatory for them these days, but it's a reasonable enough copy for a low-budget agency.  I'm not sure what the brief appearances with the brooding male are about though, maybe he's jealous because the A-Daily girls are "in the spotlight" whereas he's just another Korean actor relegated to appearing in shitty MVs nobody watches except my blog readers.

YouTube views at time of writing: 18093
Notable attribute: cheap minimalist lighting effects actually look decent, T-ara take note
Nugu Alert rating: high

---

The Starz - I Like You

Ultra-nugu group The Starz have just come up on the k-pop scene and damn they look great as they bounce around in various flattering clothings to a song that is actually reasonably above average and certainly comparable to the better recent stuff from Gfriend, Apink, etc.  Various cheap-ass outdoor locations are used including that same amusement park that allthenugus flock to because they get super cut-price rates on dancing next to weirdly-painted rollercoasters and shit.  Also featured are other idyllic locations such as a beach, a road that the girls calmly stroll through the middle of (watch out for Ladies Code's manager, girls) and a building interior that looks just like the one from the "Assault" map in Counter-Strike, complete with rusty metal beams and non-OH&S-compliant junk everywhere.  I mean, look at this:


That's not computer game texture-mapping, that's an actual fucking floor with bits of wood, nails and other crap all over it and they've got the girls dancing in high heels over this shit!  Now that T-ara and After School don't get limb-snapping comeback dance routines anymore The Starz are making a strong bid for the coveted title of k-pop's girl stunt group.  Pity the video editors fucked up their lipsync, their lips really aren't in time with the words at all, but I guess that's only a minor concern when you're worried about a dilapidated building caving in on you at any moment.

YouTube views at time of writing: 150
Notable attribute: strong wind capable of blowing the girls' hair around forcefully but not capable of turning a wind farm turbine
Nugu Alert rating: very high

---

 

Pride Band - My Heart Is Broken

Let's change it up with a rock band instead of an idol group.  While The Starz are occupying the interior of the "Assault" map, Prideband decided to to film the outdoor scenes for their MV on the street outside that you always end up fighting in when there's a really "fuck waiting for them, let's rush the alley" team on the terrorist side.  They even dress the part for those scenes:


Now that's an alleyway I would rush.  Pity the song in this case is some super-conservative, ultra-maudlin rock music of a very pedestrian nature that doesn't fit the theme at all.  However, there's a bright side - the slower song allows lots of long, lingering camera shots of the girls, who all look great, especially the blonde resting-bitchface bass player and the far-eyes-queen look-ma-no-double-eyelids second guitarist.  They look even better again in the black clothes in the indoor white-room scenes which I won't screencap here but you can watch the vid and... ah fuck it, yes I will screencap it.  Who knows, maybe one day their channel will go down and I'll be robbed of fap material if I don't preserve these images now:


Hot as fuck and you know it.  Of course holding a nice guitar automatically increases any female's sexiness by 2.73%.


I went out with a girl once who had this kind of resting bitchface going on.  She also played the bass a little so this reminds me of her, and being reminded of hot girls who I used to date is always a fap-enabler, but she's hot anyway.  I know I'm focusing a lot on the girls' appearances here but the song is really shit so I'm trying to redirect attention on the positive things I enjoyed because I'm that kind of nice, positive person who is always looking for something good to say.  Anyway, I really appreciated the slow, steady camera work which arguably looked a bit amateurish but really allowed me to investigate these girls' talents fully.  Hopefully Pride Band are still around and do some more MVs one day.  Let's leave with a bonus video of them doing Ailee's "U&I" and actually making it sound slightly less shit.




YouTube views at time of writing: 3923
Notable attribute: first appearance of a Zakk Wylde Bullseye Les Paul copy and a 5-string bass in a k-pop girl MV
Nugu Alert rating: extreme

---

FINAL SCORES

If you've read this far, you're a hardcore Kpopalypse Nugu Alert supporter, so thanks for being one of the few lucky individuals who has supported the series in 2015!  Kpopalypse will return in 2016 with more nugus for your entertainment!

Anyone remember "k-rock" band Bebop?

Those hot girls had quite a nice song last year:


... but unfortunately, what they released later was utter crap.

Coming soon💋💋 #ayeon#femaledrummer#drummergirl#girldrummer#drummer #drums#rockband

A photo posted by 비밥 아연 Bebop A-yeon 💋💋💋 (@ayeon3131) on Nov 13, 2015 at 7:37am PST

Second, she's "collaborating" with some jewelry/accessory brand "Rocking AG":




And third (the most important one), she's reallyhot and plays drums and that'salways a nice combination.

I was sitting alone in my room today, like I often do, meticulously Photoshopping my favorite Exo members into "Star Wars" scenes, when I thought to myself: "There's got to be an easier way for a girl to fulfill her Exo/'Star Wars' fetish."

Thankfully, SM and Disney — in an unholy collaboration for the ages — recently gifted us with this not-at-all-creepy photoshoot:

This pic alone is enough to supply my prolific fanfic writing for the next decade.

Just think of all the role playing ...

and lightsaber crossing ...

• Exo does "Star Wars." (Bonus photos for maximum discomfort)

• Purfles' new MV draws pity from netizens over its cheap quality. Clearly, their company went with a "spare any expense" budget for this one.

tfw, you're fucking done with this conversation

• Lee Hong Ki promises fans he'll quit smoking. He also warns that if you see his hands shaking in the near future, don't worry — Oppa's just going through withdrawal.

• MC calls Got7's Jackson a derogatory term on livestream. Ah yes, another delightfully uncomfortable moment captured for posterity.

• A Cube is considering a sexy concept for A Pink.

• Have you ever wondered which idols are most popular with men ages 30-50? Yeah, me neither. But now, we know their preferences anyway, including which idols have the most ideal breasts to attract creepers uncle fans.

• Fan tries to make B1A4's Gongchan kiss her. It doesn't work out too well.

• And winner of this week's I Can't Believe It's News Award: Suzy's recent guerrilla date doesn't go as planned. Fan chooses GFriend as the favorite girl group of army members.

I know someone who's not going to get to sleep with Suzy now.

Popu Lady released Gossip Girl yesterday, and it may be their last song as a five-member group. I'm sure after seeing how well f(x) has been received as a four-member group, maybe Popu Lady thinks they can kick out their own Sulli.

The song is alright. It deviates from the saccharine sound they are known for, but their pre-release tracks were better, especially this song. At the very least, they all look really hot in the MV.

Everyone should already know that Yura is awesome, but she still provides us with more evidence.

First, shereally, reallycandraw/paint

#유화재밌다#브이앱보러와요💕

A photo posted by YURA (@yura_936) on Nov 16, 2015 at 5:19am PST

#나의첫유화#매력있다#율화백

A photo posted by YURA (@yura_936) on Nov 16, 2015 at 5:18am PST

Second, she'snotonlytalented, she's the hottestidol, andallargumentsagainst areinvalid.