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Fancam Appreciation #12 - f(x)'s Krystal
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You Don't Always Have to Press 'F'
2015 was a pretty great year in k-pop tbqh, fam. However, it was a pretty bad year if you were in one of the groups mentioned in this here post. Basically, a lot of groups disbanded because they were shit, most likely, or because one of their members got put in jail. I'm going to tell you some groups that disbanded this year and whether you should care. (For full disclosure, a lot of these groups were already pretty inactive, but for the sake of this, I'm just going off ones that officially disbanded this year. For full-full disclosure, any group not mentioned in this post is not even worth mentioning/caring about.)
I'm kind of breaking my own rule with this first one, because they sort of disbanded in 2015 but sort of didn't. The announcement was made in 2015, but the contracts ended at the end of '14. I don't really care, fam. I'm writing this post, so I'm saying it was 2015, albeit really early 2015. Anyway, yes, you should care about GLAM being no more. A lot of their songs were really good, and they had great bodies. They also had a Jiyeon in case we ever needed a backup from real Jiyeon. In fact, that Jiyeon could've been in the All T-ara backup team along with Laboum's Soyeon.
It's really kind of funny to think about all the shit this group had against it starting with that whole Trinity thing. Oh well.
I don't know anything about C-Clown except that their name sounds fucking dumb. I don't care that they disbanded and neither should you. Also, the one second from the right looks like an alien.
If you notice, this picture looks almost exactly like the picture of GLAM, and well, these groups have that in common. They also have in common that they're not a group anymore. Another one that disbanded at the very beginning of the year, I think I wrote about it when it happened. I don't really remember what I wrote then, and I can't be arsed to look it up. It was probably something about them being hot and it being a shame they're gone. Assuming that's what I said, I stick by those words. I also liked that song, "Me Too."
Speed was sort of decent. I mean they had a song that I liked in "Look at me Now." Oh, and the one guy is Zico's brother, and he was in that N4 video. So, I guess you can care that they disbanded if you have nothing going on in your life and need something to care about.
You should care about Bob Girls because they were cute (hopefully you're noticing a trend) and one of them might have died. If you're truly sad about this breakup then you probably already know some of them came back in another group I can't think of the name of with a song I can't think of the name of.
EvoL was pretty cool. You should care about their disbandment. "We are a bit different" was pretty good. It's also really funny how a bunch of their contracts were terminated without anyone knowing when their label merged. Good stuff.
Similar to the last one, fans noticed this group's disbandment when several of their social media pages were suddenly deleted. But hey, at least Seunghee is enjoying much greener pastures.
The k-pop gods demand yearly sacrifices, and I think this year was a pretty good haul.
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Weekly Showdown: Nine Muses Special
[You can check out the results of last showdown here]
So Nine Muses recently marked their third comeback of the year with "Sleepless Night" which, in my opinion, is a pretty good song. Despite the fact that it sounds more like one big fat verse rather the usual verse-prechorus-chorus-bridge, the song has this mysterious feel to it and diverts considerably from their usual sound and the sound of kpop in general. Sure, it's a little monotonous, but weirdly catchy at the same time. Or that's my take on it, anyways. I have seen a lot of positive reactions for this song so far but some people weren't too into it. Two things are for sure though. One, it's definitely not another generic pop release (which there have been a LOT of this year) and two, it's just gonna be slept on again because Nine Muses are unlucky like that. Sigh.
So yeah, you guessed it, I'm gonna be putting all three of Nine Muses' comebacks against each other for this showdown.
While "Hurt Locker" is a great song, it got boring quite fast. "Drama" was boring to begin with (though I find myself randomly jamming to it sometimes but eh, minor details), so I think I'll go for "Sleepless Night". What do you guys think?
(I'm gonna actually try and make this series weekly like it's supposed to be, maybe every Saturday or something. Also, I decided I'd remove the results option so guys are gonna have to wait until the next post to see the results. So yeah, improvement and shit.)
So Nine Muses recently marked their third comeback of the year with "Sleepless Night" which, in my opinion, is a pretty good song. Despite the fact that it sounds more like one big fat verse rather the usual verse-prechorus-chorus-bridge, the song has this mysterious feel to it and diverts considerably from their usual sound and the sound of kpop in general. Sure, it's a little monotonous, but weirdly catchy at the same time. Or that's my take on it, anyways. I have seen a lot of positive reactions for this song so far but some people weren't too into it. Two things are for sure though. One, it's definitely not another generic pop release (which there have been a LOT of this year) and two, it's just gonna be slept on again because Nine Muses are unlucky like that. Sigh.
So yeah, you guessed it, I'm gonna be putting all three of Nine Muses' comebacks against each other for this showdown.
Best 2015 Nine Muses Release?
While "Hurt Locker" is a great song, it got boring quite fast. "Drama" was boring to begin with (though I find myself randomly jamming to it sometimes but eh, minor details), so I think I'll go for "Sleepless Night". What do you guys think?
(I'm gonna actually try and make this series weekly like it's supposed to be, maybe every Saturday or something. Also, I decided I'd remove the results option so guys are gonna have to wait until the next post to see the results. So yeah, improvement and shit.)
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Saturday Shitfest #27
I actually got home just in time to write the Saturday Shitfest article. I have no idea what happened in K-pop this week, so I'll have to catch up tomorrow while I write the Sunday Shitpost article. Anyway, enjoy the birth of the next Hallyu. Moranbang Band is Kim Jong Un's personal band.
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Oh My Girl couldn't enter the USA and neither can you - a quick primer about performing visas
It's rare that an opportunity for me to drop a post about something extremely topical comes up, but occasionally k-pop will throw me a jewel like that and here one is. K-pop girl group Oh My Girl had some visa issues recently when attempting to enter the USA and since touring headfucks is an area in which I'm uniquely qualified having managed many of them personally, here is now a quick, helpful trufaxual post for your entertainment and education!
![ohmygirlfead]()
So, what actually happened?
Oh My Girl tried to get into the USA to do some shows or promotions or whatever, but without the required paperwork (a performing visa for each traveller). When quizzed by US Customs, the girls and their entourage lied and said that they were "sisters" presumably to keep their "we're not k-pop performers, honest" cover intact. Customs thought that maybe eight mostly-above-school-age girls with different surnames plus entourage carrying a metric ton of frilly dresses, school uniforms and short skirts in their luggage looked a bit more like a fly-in brothel than a family get-together (because while k-pop fans think all that shit is "innocent concept wear", people who live in the real world know what a fetish is), so naturally Oh My Girl were detained while everyone tried to work out what was actually going on. Eventually it was decided that nobody could be fucked waiting around forever so the girls hopped on a plane back to Korea. The agency later confirmed that this is what happened, so there's no dispute about the facts.
Was the US Customs response reasonable or just racist?
It's the job of customs officers in many countries to check whether people are legally allowed to enter a country or not and to investigate matters that may be classed as suspicious, and Oh My Girl in this instance would have looked suspicious as hell, regardless of where they were from and where they were going. Of course if it was me I would have recognised the girls straight away and waved them through into the special caonima express baggage check but you can't expect some random American to recognise a group only a few thousand people outside of Korea even know about. The prostitute theory was obviously wrong (unless Oh My Girl do a little Tenpro agency work on the side) but it's easy to see why they would have felt the need to consider that possibility, as a customs officer erring on the side of caution in the face of oddities is part of doing your job properly... and k-pop groups look pretty fucking odd to most people who aren't embroiled in the world of k-pop fandoms and media.
![ohmyugirlprot]()
So why did their agency do this then? Are they just dumb?
To enter the USA legally as performers, the agency would need to, on behalf of each of the girls in Oh My Girl, plus all support staff travelling with them:
The difference in cost between performance and tourist visas has been pointed out, but if Oh My Girl were genuine tourists staying less than 90 days they wouldn't have even needed a visa at all, because South Korea is a participant in the USA's visa waiver program, they would have just had to make an electronic application and wait for approval. However as performers they would require a performance visa (performance doesn't come under the visa waiver program's business exemptions). So ultimately the entire cost of the performance visa could be dodged by Oh My Girl being passed off as "tourists". However, the cost saving is just an incidental (tiny) benefit to the agency (or would be, if they got away with it), and is highly unlikely to be the real reason for trying to pass the girls off as tourists.
How do you know this?
Let's have a look at the two music videos that Oh My Girl have released so far.
Both are very high budget productions, featuring multiple elaborate purpose-built sets, the agency would have probably burned up a million dollars just on these videos alone. It's obvious enough that their agency has money to throw around and an extra few thousand dollars on some paperwork would be nothing in the grand scheme, especially for a shot at that American advancement that k-pop agencies so dearly covet.
So what's the real reason then? Were the agency just dumb?
Here's a fun fact about getting a performance visa for the USA. You're not allowed to wait to sign any touring or performance agreements until AFTER the visa application is approved, you must do it BEFORE. So if you play by the rules by booking your show, and then filing your visa application after, and then the USA says you can't come in, you've not only wasted money on the application but you've also automatically breached a contractual agreement with your American business partners, which potentially means way more money than a few annoying filing fees, not to mention you've pissed off fans. The USA can also delay your application almost indefinitely by asking for "further evidence", insist that you pay union fees and any other manner of things, waits of up to six months for performance visas are extremely common.
What maybe could have happened in the Oh My Girl situation is this - the agency booked the shows first a few months ahead of time, then filed the correct paperwork (legally it must be done in this order). The concert date drew closer and closer but either they got no response or they were requested to provide extra documents time and time again, stalling the administrative process. The day that the girls had to hop on the plane and go to the USA for the show finally came along and there was still no final response so the agency said "fuck it, let's just send them on the plane anyway, we'll try our luck passing them off as tourists - it's either that or just cancel the shows and give up so we've got nothing to lose".
Oh. Okay, I feel stupid now for assuming the agency were just a bunch of morons. It might not even be their fault.
Well, saying "we're sisters" at the airport was maybe a bit silly and the girls' or the agency's only real fuckup - but that could be down to language barriers or mistranslation of a comment made in jest or in the "we're like family" spirit that these k-pop groups are probably in the habit of acting like when in public. When appearing before customs you have to be really careful what you say and not try any funny business, because these people are on the lookout for anything that doesn't square off neatly - after all it's their job, and it's not their fault if the visa rules suck dick and you're trying to get around them, you sneaky caonima.
![ohmygirvisa1]()
I've never heard of anything like this before - is it common for performers to try and travel with incorrect visas?
OH FUCK YES, it's very, very, very common. If you want a k-pop example JYP did visa scams with The Wonder Girls and got away with it but this is a practice far from limited to just k-pop groups. US punk group Black Flag famously lost their drummer when his visa expired in the UK and he wasn't able to return to the USA due to his status as an illegal immigrant. Visa entry issues are also not just restricted to USA entry - the Japanese punk band Limited Express (Has Gone?) tried to enter Australia on tourist visas in exactly the same type of situation as Oh My Girl, and were busted the same way - their language barrier meant they ended up saying the wrong thing to customs who realised that the group might be in the country for performance work rather than tourism, so they promptly got sent back home. I could give dozens more examples including a few personal ones (but I won't because my lawyer has read this post and wants a chat - but maybe they'll appear as blind items one day?). Customs officers in Australia now actually actively scan gig guides and keep on the lookout for international performers expected to be entering the country. Artists have risen to the challenge - check any insider musician blogs for plenty of "how to convincingly pretend you're a tourist" style advice, and you'll see why customs officers everywhere are becoming super-vigilant about this. I would say that for any artist anywhere in the world who is touring internationally but not A-list in their respective genre, cheap and dirty "tourist" tours are the norm, not the exception.
Wow, I guess that might be the real reason why my fave group suddenly cancelled their tour to my country only a day or two before it happened.
Yes, it might.
Wow Kpopalypse, you're so brainy. How can I be more like you and less like some of the dickheads I see on other k-pop related websites?
![ihmygirlfo]()
So, what actually happened?
Oh My Girl tried to get into the USA to do some shows or promotions or whatever, but without the required paperwork (a performing visa for each traveller). When quizzed by US Customs, the girls and their entourage lied and said that they were "sisters" presumably to keep their "we're not k-pop performers, honest" cover intact. Customs thought that maybe eight mostly-above-school-age girls with different surnames plus entourage carrying a metric ton of frilly dresses, school uniforms and short skirts in their luggage looked a bit more like a fly-in brothel than a family get-together (because while k-pop fans think all that shit is "innocent concept wear", people who live in the real world know what a fetish is), so naturally Oh My Girl were detained while everyone tried to work out what was actually going on. Eventually it was decided that nobody could be fucked waiting around forever so the girls hopped on a plane back to Korea. The agency later confirmed that this is what happened, so there's no dispute about the facts.
Was the US Customs response reasonable or just racist?
It's the job of customs officers in many countries to check whether people are legally allowed to enter a country or not and to investigate matters that may be classed as suspicious, and Oh My Girl in this instance would have looked suspicious as hell, regardless of where they were from and where they were going. Of course if it was me I would have recognised the girls straight away and waved them through into the special caonima express baggage check but you can't expect some random American to recognise a group only a few thousand people outside of Korea even know about. The prostitute theory was obviously wrong (unless Oh My Girl do a little Tenpro agency work on the side) but it's easy to see why they would have felt the need to consider that possibility, as a customs officer erring on the side of caution in the face of oddities is part of doing your job properly... and k-pop groups look pretty fucking odd to most people who aren't embroiled in the world of k-pop fandoms and media.
So why did their agency do this then? Are they just dumb?
To enter the USA legally as performers, the agency would need to, on behalf of each of the girls in Oh My Girl, plus all support staff travelling with them:
- Fill out form I-129 (visa petition for a non-immigrant worker) which is a 36-page document, for a P-3 category visa (for culturally unique artists and entertainers), as per the accompanying 28 pages of instructions. Note that the more standard P-1 category visa for internationally known entertainers would be off-limits to 2015 rookies Oh My Girl as any group claiming a P-1 visa needs to be established and performing regularly for at least 12 months.
- Be sure to include supporting documentation in the application of the group's status as a culturally unique entity, this is a requirement.
- File the form I-129 to the correct location (don't forget the $190 visa application processing fee and the $325 filing fee!) and wait between 2-8 weeks for processing. If you really can't wait longer than 14 days, the USA will fast-track your visa application for a cool $1225 per individual... of course this doesn't guarantee acceptance of your application, only that they will look at your application within 14 days, and it doesn't preclude them from throwing a spanner in the works like asking for more documentation and then making you wait another 14 days once they receive it... and this process can repeat indefinitely.
- Cross your fingers. Fees are not refundable.
The difference in cost between performance and tourist visas has been pointed out, but if Oh My Girl were genuine tourists staying less than 90 days they wouldn't have even needed a visa at all, because South Korea is a participant in the USA's visa waiver program, they would have just had to make an electronic application and wait for approval. However as performers they would require a performance visa (performance doesn't come under the visa waiver program's business exemptions). So ultimately the entire cost of the performance visa could be dodged by Oh My Girl being passed off as "tourists". However, the cost saving is just an incidental (tiny) benefit to the agency (or would be, if they got away with it), and is highly unlikely to be the real reason for trying to pass the girls off as tourists.
How do you know this?
Let's have a look at the two music videos that Oh My Girl have released so far.
Both are very high budget productions, featuring multiple elaborate purpose-built sets, the agency would have probably burned up a million dollars just on these videos alone. It's obvious enough that their agency has money to throw around and an extra few thousand dollars on some paperwork would be nothing in the grand scheme, especially for a shot at that American advancement that k-pop agencies so dearly covet.
So what's the real reason then? Were the agency just dumb?
Here's a fun fact about getting a performance visa for the USA. You're not allowed to wait to sign any touring or performance agreements until AFTER the visa application is approved, you must do it BEFORE. So if you play by the rules by booking your show, and then filing your visa application after, and then the USA says you can't come in, you've not only wasted money on the application but you've also automatically breached a contractual agreement with your American business partners, which potentially means way more money than a few annoying filing fees, not to mention you've pissed off fans. The USA can also delay your application almost indefinitely by asking for "further evidence", insist that you pay union fees and any other manner of things, waits of up to six months for performance visas are extremely common.
What maybe could have happened in the Oh My Girl situation is this - the agency booked the shows first a few months ahead of time, then filed the correct paperwork (legally it must be done in this order). The concert date drew closer and closer but either they got no response or they were requested to provide extra documents time and time again, stalling the administrative process. The day that the girls had to hop on the plane and go to the USA for the show finally came along and there was still no final response so the agency said "fuck it, let's just send them on the plane anyway, we'll try our luck passing them off as tourists - it's either that or just cancel the shows and give up so we've got nothing to lose".
Oh. Okay, I feel stupid now for assuming the agency were just a bunch of morons. It might not even be their fault.
Well, saying "we're sisters" at the airport was maybe a bit silly and the girls' or the agency's only real fuckup - but that could be down to language barriers or mistranslation of a comment made in jest or in the "we're like family" spirit that these k-pop groups are probably in the habit of acting like when in public. When appearing before customs you have to be really careful what you say and not try any funny business, because these people are on the lookout for anything that doesn't square off neatly - after all it's their job, and it's not their fault if the visa rules suck dick and you're trying to get around them, you sneaky caonima.
I've never heard of anything like this before - is it common for performers to try and travel with incorrect visas?
OH FUCK YES, it's very, very, very common. If you want a k-pop example JYP did visa scams with The Wonder Girls and got away with it but this is a practice far from limited to just k-pop groups. US punk group Black Flag famously lost their drummer when his visa expired in the UK and he wasn't able to return to the USA due to his status as an illegal immigrant. Visa entry issues are also not just restricted to USA entry - the Japanese punk band Limited Express (Has Gone?) tried to enter Australia on tourist visas in exactly the same type of situation as Oh My Girl, and were busted the same way - their language barrier meant they ended up saying the wrong thing to customs who realised that the group might be in the country for performance work rather than tourism, so they promptly got sent back home. I could give dozens more examples including a few personal ones (but I won't because my lawyer has read this post and wants a chat - but maybe they'll appear as blind items one day?). Customs officers in Australia now actually actively scan gig guides and keep on the lookout for international performers expected to be entering the country. Artists have risen to the challenge - check any insider musician blogs for plenty of "how to convincingly pretend you're a tourist" style advice, and you'll see why customs officers everywhere are becoming super-vigilant about this. I would say that for any artist anywhere in the world who is touring internationally but not A-list in their respective genre, cheap and dirty "tourist" tours are the norm, not the exception.
Wow, I guess that might be the real reason why my fave group suddenly cancelled their tour to my country only a day or two before it happened.
Yes, it might.
Wow Kpopalypse, you're so brainy. How can I be more like you and less like some of the dickheads I see on other k-pop related websites?
- Question everything. Especially question the people who tell you to question everything, because a lot of those people just like questioning everything because they can.
- Just because someone is a deluded fangirl or a media outlet is corrupt and petty doesn't mean that they're wrong. It doesn't mean that they're right either. Take informations on their own merit, or lack thereof.
- Don't let morality cloud your rationality. Stop thinking about what's right and wrong, instead worry about what's true and false. Adhere to Kpopalypse standards of trufax.
- Enjoy life and k-pop in your newfound wisdom and knowledges!
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Sunday Shitpost #2
Welcome to the second installment of Sunday Shitpost, the series where I tackle a bunch of topics at once.
News Story #1: Hyeri admits she's related to Usopp
It is said that during the winter months when it gets colder, the tip of Hyeri's nose becomes pink, which makes her nose resemble a penis. It is highly recommended to stay away from Hyeri when she has to sneeze.
News Story #2: Dal Shabet loses Jiyul and Gaeun
At least Ah Young is still in the group, which is what really matters. The four hottest members are still in the group, so Dal Shabet became better by subtraction.
News Story #3: More dating rumors for Victoria
My name is not Feng Shao Feng and I don't look like that, so we all know these rumors are bull crap.
News Story #4: AOA Choa, the good Choa, not the retarded-looking one, is having a solo project
Based on the article, I can review the song in advance: it sucks dirty dinosaur dick dipped in diabolical diarrhea.
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Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 83
After a long wait, the STFU series finally returns. I had planned to start writing the series earlier after I took over this series from Shinbi and PTS, but graduate school ruins your life during the last few weeks of a semester with all of the group projects, final papers, and final exams to work on.
Anyway, like AKF pointed out, my goal is to have two STFU articles per week on Mondays and Tuesdays and then a new series for Wednesdays. It's the holidays and then I have another internship in January before finishing school in the summer and starting full time after that, so I will also be on a scheduled-post schedule.
Anyway, let's get to it. The first batch of these submissions came from AKF himself as he helped me find some material to get the series rebooted.
As you see in the image above, you can see a retarded fangirl wants two faggots from YG to interpret a song and another mental midget agreeing with her. What song, you ask?
I think rap is worse than that feeling you get when you're wiping your ass and you feel the fecal matter rubbing onto your hand. You have to wash your hands with the hottest water they can stand and then bleach them and then wash them several times to get rid of the bleach smell.
However, Supreme Team was regarded as a pretty good group before one of them couldn't stop smoking the mary jane and the other one wanted to be an idol with Jay Park.
Why would you want these buttfucking douchebags to cover any rap song?
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Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 84
This is a fangirl who goes overboard about Hani's weight loss.
The problem I have with this fangirl is that she places the blame on Hani if anyone attempts to follow her diet plan. Hani lost 9 kg, so for those of us that live in the country that actually matters, that's about 20 pounds. That is a lot of weight for a skinny Asian girl to lose, and it shows with Hani, as she is not as fappable as she once was. I'm sure you guys have "researched" all of the Hani fancams that AKF posted here over the years. Yeah, Hani now is still hot, but she's far from her peak.
The diets idols undergo and unhealthy and people should know that. However, an idol's main job is to look good so that people will fap to them and buy their merchandise. That is why they undergo such drastic measures to make themselves more fappable. If anyone is dumb enough to follow an idol's diet, that is on the individual and not the idol.
If you have any submissions for STFU, send them to hanyeseul_fag@yahoo.com or to @antikpopfangirl on Twitter.
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People Need to Stop With This Whole 'Kween' Shit
So I was looking under the comments section of CL's "Hello Bitches" because I was looking for a good laugh until I saw this shit:
![]()
No. Just no.
I've had this problem since SNSD came back and everyone was like "BOW DOWN TO YOUR QUEENS OF K-POP!"
It's like these people have no idea who BoA is — you know, the woman who actually made shit possible in k-pop. Compare that to what Hyuna and CL have done, and you should have a big clue as to whom the real Queen of K-Pop is.
I have nothing against CL and Hyuna, but it's obvious what they've done: read "Yoloswag For Dummies." Everything they've done is a textbook guide to how to appeal to people who follow trends. I'm not saying they don't work hard, but you could literally find CL and Hyuna's style in a million of other try-hard artists looking to make a quick buck.
BoA, on the other hand, has actually attempted to make her own unique style and image. Now, has BoA's style been done before? Probably. But it's rare you see a previous child star as successful and non-fucked up as BoA, who made her debut at 13.
What I find especially funny is when people call BoA "bland" when CL's and Hyuna's styles are way more common than BoA's, which in reality should make CL and Hyuna more bland. Or when people call Hyuna a slut and CL a tryhard, then jump to defend why the other is better. The only reason CL isn't called a slut is because of the pseudo-feminist mentality of her fans, even though CL pretty much does the exact same thing Hyuna does. And Hyuna doesn't get called a try-hard because her fans are all "Hyuna wants to act like this" when she pretty much does the exact same same thing as CL. Don't believe me? Read the lyrics to "Hello Bitches" and "Roll Deep," and tell me they aren't high on the "trying real hard" chain:
"Hello Bitches"
My hips are pang-pang-pang (very tight)
Boys ask Time time time
My lips are nyam-nyam-nyam (so tasty)
Where I go dang-dang-dang (I’m so proud)
When I get on stage cha-cha-cha (great)
Run run bang-bang-bang (Like I’m flying)
Disco pang-pang-pang
Hello Bitches
Boys ask Time time time
My lips are nyam-nyam-nyam (so tasty)
Where I go dang-dang-dang (I’m so proud)
When I get on stage cha-cha-cha (great)
Run run bang-bang-bang (Like I’m flying)
Disco pang-pang-pang
Hello Bitches
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Where am I?
Shopping, spree in Tokyo
Wake up in my private jet
Every morning Tortilla
Liftin’ cards in Macau
I’m the best
Stop blowing up my phone
Eh won’t you hit me up on Kakao
Shopping, spree in Tokyo
Wake up in my private jet
Every morning Tortilla
Liftin’ cards in Macau
I’m the best
Stop blowing up my phone
Eh won’t you hit me up on Kakao
Diamonds in my grill
Someone’s gonna stop me? who?
Skin tone 22 carats gold
I got in Dubai
My boys won’t hesitate to run up on your boys
My boys won’t hesitate to run up on your boys
Someone’s gonna stop me? who?
Skin tone 22 carats gold
I got in Dubai
My boys won’t hesitate to run up on your boys
My boys won’t hesitate to run up on your boys
My hips are pang-pang-pang (very tight)
Boys ask Time time time
My lips are nyam-nyam-nyam (so tasty)
Where I go dang-dang-dang (I’m so proud)
When I get on stage cha-cha-cha (great)
Run run bang-bang-bang (Like I’m flying)
Disco pang-pang-pang
Hello Bitches
Boys ask Time time time
My lips are nyam-nyam-nyam (so tasty)
Where I go dang-dang-dang (I’m so proud)
When I get on stage cha-cha-cha (great)
Run run bang-bang-bang (Like I’m flying)
Disco pang-pang-pang
Hello Bitches
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Yellow gold
Ain’t it glow
Like a yellow phone
Couldn’t see me
With a selfie
From my telephone
Ain’t it glow
Like a yellow phone
Couldn’t see me
With a selfie
From my telephone
Got hella dough
Hello Kitty
Getting hella old
Want me to love them long time
And I tell em
NO
Hello Kitty
Getting hella old
Want me to love them long time
And I tell em
NO
Sake to soju
Nagasaki to Seoul you
Can find me in Shanghai
You know what them shots of Baiju do
Got these Asian girls
dancing on the couches
yeah they know me
and they singing every word like they was at the karaoke huh
Nagasaki to Seoul you
Can find me in Shanghai
You know what them shots of Baiju do
Got these Asian girls
dancing on the couches
yeah they know me
and they singing every word like they was at the karaoke huh
My hips are pang-pang-pang (very tight)
Boys ask Time time time
My lips are nyam-nyam-nyam (so tasty)
Where I go dang-dang-dang (I’m so proud)
When I get on stage cha-cha-cha (great)
Run run bang-bang-bang (Like I’m flying)
Disco pang-pang-pang
Hello Bitches
Boys ask Time time time
My lips are nyam-nyam-nyam (so tasty)
Where I go dang-dang-dang (I’m so proud)
When I get on stage cha-cha-cha (great)
Run run bang-bang-bang (Like I’m flying)
Disco pang-pang-pang
Hello Bitches
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Lights out
Killing it some more
Bad bitches get down on the floor (x4)
Killing it some more
Bad bitches get down on the floor (x4)
One, two, three, Bitches
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
Nananana nananana na na na
"Roll Deep"
There’s never anyone who doesn’t know me
Wherever I go, they wanna touch me
Look, this was always my swag
If you have a problem with that, just give them water1
Ok now good, yes good
(Queen’s back, if you don’t know, shh)
My scale is different, you can’t touch this
You’ve heard it, it’s Red
Even my friends get jealous of me, I know
I’m always alone here
On top of the chopping block, I know
Chew me up when I smile
I don’t care, I don’t care at all
I’m OK, my place is still the same
More jealousy and envy makes trouble, I know
Actually, a little dangerous
You and you, I am me, hey
Like this, like that, it doesn’t matter
You are you, I am me
Like this, like that, like this, like that
It’s all because I’m the best
It’s because I’m pretty
It’s because they’re all jealous
Baby I’m bad all day
It’s all because I’m the best
It’s because I’m pretty
It’s because they’re all envious
Sorry, I’m a dope girl
Ok now good, yes good
You can’t touch me Don’t touch me
Ok now good, yes good
You can’t touch me Don’t touch me
Ok now good, yes good
You can’t touch me Don’t touch me
Ok now good, yes good
You can’t touch me Don’t touch me
It’s because I’m the best
It’s because you’re not
The answer is simple
It’s because you don’t get attention
I’ve never had these four things:
Time, likeability2, fear, fat
I’m like a made-up character since I was born
People around me massage me with jealousy
Oh it’s still the same, she’s still the queen
I have everything but height
But they all open the door for me
They call me fake, saying I’ve never been real
But HyunA, who you can’t even hold hands with?
She’s like my sister to me
You and you, I am me, hey
Like this, like that, it doesn’t matter
You are you, I am me
Like this, like that, like this, like that
It’s all because I’m the best
It’s because I’m pretty
It’s because they’re all jealous
Baby I’m bad all day
It’s all because I’m the best
It’s because I’m pretty
It’s because they’re all envious
Sorry, I’m a dope girl
You can’t touch me Don’t touch me
I don’t care, I don’t care at all
I’m OK, my place is still the same
You can’t touch me Don’t touch me
Like this, like that, like this, like that
It’s all because I’m the best
It’s because I’m pretty
It’s because they’re all jealous
Baby I’m bad all day
It’s all because I’m the best
It’s because I’m pretty
It’s because they’re all envious
Sorry, I’m a dope girl
Ok now good, yes good
You can’t touch me Don’t touch me
Ok now good, yes good
You can’t touch me Don’t touch me
Ok now good, yes good
You can’t touch me Don’t touch me
Ok now good, yes good
You can’t touch me Don’t touch me
Pretty fucking high if you ask me.
So no. Neither CL or Hyuna are the queens of k-pop. To be honest, CL isn't even focused on Korea at all, so I don't think she cares. And Hyuna's at the point where she knows she can literally put out 5 minutes of her having massive diarrhea with a video to match and her fans would go "YAASSSS SLAAAAYYY!!!!" So let's keep the title of "The Queen of K-Pop" to whom it really belongs: BoA.
An infinitely better song than "Roll Deep" and "Hello Bitches" could ever wish to be.
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Koreans Are Also Retarded #1
In the past couple of years, I'm sure you guys have seen a proliferation of people just quoting comments from Koreans and not adding any input. Many fans tend to take what Koreans say at face value and believe those statements to be fact. This series is to help demonstrate that just because you fap to a lot of idols from a certain ethnicity, it doesn't make their netizens any smarter.
If you deliberately wear jeans that chokes the blood flow from your balls, I would have to say that's pretty gay. You are willing the let your dick and balls be deprived of oxygen, thus killing those organs. The only would you could have sex after that is to take it up the butt or wear a strap-on. Gay dudes take it up the butt and lesbians use strap-ons.
Never underestimate a woman's desire for attention. Just don't. I'm sure a lot of girls applied for that job.
Where were you all at when AOA Black was promoting? That's what I fucking thought.
If this comment was true, then this site would not exist. 99.99% of anti fans are girls. They are the ones that cause all of the trouble for idols. True, it is important for a female group to have both male and female fans, and even some groups such as 2NE1 can stay afloat with zero male fans.
However, it is retarded to say that male fans have no worth. We'll buy music from the girl groups we like. Most of the fancam recorders are males, providing us with content that we wouldn't have otherwise.
The only male fans that only like one group, leaves when a dating scandal happens or leave once a new group debuts are just betafags. Not every male out there is a betafag who believes that life is like a harem anime.
Comment #1: 7. [+25, -2] America calls everything gay ㅋㅋ Wearing skinny jeans is gay and being skinny is gay. I got a cultural shock when I heard that American guys don't wear an umbrella.Source
If you deliberately wear jeans that chokes the blood flow from your balls, I would have to say that's pretty gay. You are willing the let your dick and balls be deprived of oxygen, thus killing those organs. The only would you could have sex after that is to take it up the butt or wear a strap-on. Gay dudes take it up the butt and lesbians use strap-ons.
Comment #2: 1. [+1,623, -42] A woman with C cups+, intelligence, and beauty wouldn't even apply to a job like thatSource
Never underestimate a woman's desire for attention. Just don't. I'm sure a lot of girls applied for that job.
Comment #3: 5. [+72, -15] Would be better to just do a band concept as a group once...Source
Where were you all at when AOA Black was promoting? That's what I fucking thought.
Comment #4: 3. [+133, -6] It's always the kids who don't know better that assume girls are jealous of ther girls but it's the female fans who are keeping the girl groups afloat. No point in being popular with male fans because they'll leave you when you get into a dating scandal or another girl group debuts. They have no worth in the fandom. For a girl group to have al ong running career, you need to be popular with the female fans.Source
If this comment was true, then this site would not exist. 99.99% of anti fans are girls. They are the ones that cause all of the trouble for idols. True, it is important for a female group to have both male and female fans, and even some groups such as 2NE1 can stay afloat with zero male fans.
However, it is retarded to say that male fans have no worth. We'll buy music from the girl groups we like. Most of the fancam recorders are males, providing us with content that we wouldn't have otherwise.
The only male fans that only like one group, leaves when a dating scandal happens or leave once a new group debuts are just betafags. Not every male out there is a betafag who believes that life is like a harem anime.
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BoA - Lookbook
I was so busy that I forgot about BoA's Lookbook. I knew that it was supposed to come out around this time (and as of the time this post comes out, the single was released yesterday in Japan), but with singles/albums being announced two months in advance in Japan all of the time, it is easy for me to forget about songs. Then I figured it would be a ballad song because of the time of the year, so I figured I would listen to it eventually, but wouldn't rush to listen to the song.
Then yesterday (as of the writing of this post, [I know, what a fucked-up timeline for a scheduled post]), I listened to it for the first time. This was the BoA that made me become a fan.
I have a fairly rigid schedule while I'm out traveling for work, but this song ruined my schedule yesterday. Instead of studying, I just studied BoA's hot ass. Then while waiting for my flight in the airport, I kept on watching the music video. I watched it the whole time I was eating at a restaurant. Even after I left, I was still listening to it instead of studying.
Then the thought dawned on me: This is way too good to be a pop song produced in Japan. There are some good producers in Japan, but they were either good 10-15 years ago or they don't produce pop music (that often). I dug deeper and this song was produced by the same European team that produced SNSD's Paparazzi, the last good title track SNSD released in any country.
The song has an addicting electronic melody without having too many of the bells and whistles that many EDM songs have had in the past few years, such as an overly dominating bass or any random warbles and garbles. I like how the song keeps it frantic pace throughout the short version of the music video, as it compels me to keep listening to the song. I have not found a longer version of the music video, which is a shame, since this is BoA's best song in Japan since Bump Bump in 2009.
This song also demands a dance MV since this is one of BoA's best choreographies in Japan since Bad Drive.
Lookbook, along with Shout It Out, should be BoA's MO in Japan from here on out. She can focus on her artistic side with her Korean music, but I would welcome more jams like this from BoA in Japan.
I mean, Japan's pop industry could use some good songs, too. BoA would be the perfect person to release a pop song worth a fuck in Japan.
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Kpopalypse prediction results for 2015 and new super-infallible and totally accurate predictions for 2016
Last year I made a post predicting events in k-pop over the course of 2015. It's time for Kpopalypse to revisit this post to see how right/wrong I was, and also to predict what's going to happen in k-pop in 2016!
![future head]()
So, how did I do with the original predictions? My haters didn't seem to think that I was very accurate... but of course, haters only see what they want to see. Let's take a proper look with the bias-lenses of "omg I liek so hate that Kpopalypse dude" removed.
Girls’ Generation will continue – sort of. - CORRECT. I predicted a gradual winding-down of the group's activities. This has happened, with the girls being less dynamic as a group and having more individual/subunit activities.
EXO as a group will remain popular – and underpaid. - CORRECT. EXO are still popular and still make B-list income, while the members who left the group to do Chinese activities are rolling in dosh.
Hyorin from Sistar will lose much of her hair. - UNCONFIRMED. Still waiting for that perfect wigslip moment to be captured by an intrepid fancammer, however most are not pointing their lenses that high up, which probably explains the lack of evidence so far.
Apink will be fucking up and down the house. - CORRECT. Apink returned with a Shinsadong Tiger song in 2015, which means that they've been making use of the Shinsadong Tiger Bangbus.
Sulli won’t give a cao ni ma. - CORRECT. Sulli is free from the shackles of f(x) and is all about Choiza now. Let's celebrate!
Qri still won’t care. - CORRECT. Qri is confirmed as not caring.
Zico will get into more scandals. - CORRECT. Naughty naughty Zico. Quick Netizenbuzz, deploy uncharacteristically positive articles!
Woollim will take those who spread the Jisoo rumours to court – and win. - taken to court CORRECT, victory PENDING but certain.
Ladies Code will come back – but it won’t be the same. - CORRECT. Their old upbeat fun style is gone, they are now a ballad group.
Way’s Girls will become more active. - CORRECT. Muchevidenceexists of the continued activity of Way's Girls.
Raina will collapse at an event and get admitted to hospital. - INCORRECT. The divine goddess of After School/Orange Caramel has proven immune to such trifling mortal threats. I obviously lacked faith, forgive me oh Raina.
IU will complete her transition to a “more mature image”. - CORRECT. Love her or hate her, nobody will look at IU the same way again after she completely scuttled the last remaining remnants of her annoying "Nation's Little Sister" image on the blunt rocks of ham-fisted satire that was shallow as fuck but still too deep for the average k-pop fan to grasp.
Shindong will get bullied out of Super Junior. - CORRECT. Booted out of Super Junior to a life in the army, Shindong is now busy discovering the joys of military discipline.
SM Entertainment will keep fucking with everyone else’s shit. - CORRECT. The JYJ Law has passed but nothing has actually changed.
Han Ye Seul and Teddy’s relationship will deteriorate, boosting Teddy’s song quality. - PENDING. YG still haven't debuted their new 2NE1 2.0 "independent girl group who doesn't need a man to do shit - but Teddy writes all the songs" that will prove or disprove this prediction.
JYP will position GOT7 to replace 2PM as his main money-earner. - CORRECT. Of course k-pop's legions of idiots constantly focus on chart position and award show wins, but smart people know that the real money in k-pop comes from endorsements and commercial work. In the areas where it actually matters, GOT7 have been cleaning up nicely with endorsementseverywhere. In the meantime, JYP saying his name at the start of songs has returned as predicted.
K-pop will continue to not take over the world. - CORRECT. Shonky concerts and mediocre overseas activity continued to ensure that Korean idols and k-pop remain a cult phenomenon in western countries only.
Massive amounts of prostitution will jeopardise at least one record label. - INCORRECT. They totally got away with it, this time.
AOA will bring back the band concept, but you won’t like it. - PENDING. AOA definitely aren't ditching it, so it will come back... whether it sucks or not remains to be seen.
K-pop fans will be just as stupid in 2015 as they were in 2014. - CO-FUCKING-REKT.
Wow, amazing! I got almost everything right! It seems like my ESP inherited from Boram came through with the goods, she would be proud of her son's abilities. Now that I have a proven track record, let's see if I can repeat the performance over the next 12 months!
![pred2016]()
Apink will begin their transition to a "more mature image" - Now that none of them are virgins thanks to Shinsadong Tiger's prowess at hooking them up with male idols, watch their carefully constructedpedobait "innocent" image start slowly trickling away just like Infinite members' jizz down their legs after a solid backseat shagging.
IU keeps on chooglin' - speaking ofpedobait innocence, the legions of surface-level derps who stupidly misunderstood IU's anti-pedophile-pandering satire as somehow pedophilic and the fans who actually listen to IU are two completely different audiences. Therefore expect IU's controversies to have about the same effect as T-ara's controversies i.e a broadening of her international appeal and zero long-term effect of any kind, positive or negative.
AOA replace Sistar - as the group that more Korean men fap to, more of the time.
Mamamoo replace Sistar - as the Korean pop group that people endlessly bang on and on about the "talents" of, regardless of their musical quality or lack thereof.
Yolosweg for all - just about every Korean idol you can imagine who does a solo, no matter how ill-suited to the concept, will rape our ears with yolotrap as in 2016 we reach "peak sweg". Expect to hear that stacatto "hey hey hey hey" in every second fucking beat for a while longer too.
f(x) finally get that fucking fandom name - Now that f(x)'s entire concept is ruined thanks to Sulli's departure, SM will steer them towards average-land and eventual retirement, meaning that SM will now have nothing to lose by giving them a fandom name and making them exactly like every other group, also shutting up the group's annoying conformity-craving fans. By the way the name will be really shit, and you won't like it. Be careful what you wish for.
Korean netizens officially recognised as worthless human garbage by the Korean government - worried about the negative international reputation created by trendy international k-pop loving fucksticks translating Korean netizen comments, the Korean government puts their foot down in their usual style with some juicy democratisaion.
Classy-sexy concepts come back - after a flood of girls in frilly dresses and loose-fitting t-shirts and board shorts through the first part of 2016, the pendulum swings the other way and a girl group throws out a "classy sexy" concept (the Kpopalypse meaning of the term) to rival classy-sexy master Gain, much to the horror of everyone except me, who totally saw it coming and had the hand lube prepared.
Crayon Pop continue to not have another BarBarBar - they won't reach the heights of viral fame again anytime soon, but will also continue to do more weird concepts that will make their growing niche audience happy, however...
Way's Girls takes a hit as operatives get caught - a fund redistribution scheme goes awry and someone pays dearly for their allegiance to Way's Girls. Way plots her revenge.
Puer Kim gets the girls out - an intrepid fashion photographer or video/TV director helps Korea's Tura Santana Puer Kim realise her true calling.
K-pop agencies and promoters will continue to fuck up tours left and right - expect more disasters like the BTS debacle.
15&'s Park Jimin finds out about Kpopalypse's lust for her, and freaks the fuck out - word that Kpopalypse would park in Park Jimin filters back to the girl herself via cheeky caonimas posing as 15& fans. Park Jimin is alerted to the pure filth that is Kpopalypse blog, spends an evening reading all the posts tagged "fap" with her own name all over them and decrees that he's a creep who is totally not ever going there.
Plagiarism keeps being a huge obsession for k-pop following morons - but nobody in the industry cares, and nobody gets sued successfully.
Eat Your Kimchi finally agrees to do Kpopalypse Interview - under the condition that they are also asked about other things than Martina's breast size. Kpopalypse calmly accepts these terms.
Asian Junkie is outed as a Raina fapper - longstanding k-pop blogger and unconvincing Rainaism denialist Asian Junkie will continue to erroneously claim that Raina is not the cutest member of Orange Caramel, however the truth of how he feels towards Raina his one true love will be revealed soon when he slips up and inadvertently shows his true colours.
An Anti Kpop-Fangirl author gets pegged - which one will it be? Will it be Kpopalypse? Pegging master HanYeSeul_Fag? AKF himself? Or someone else? I don't know, but someone in the Anti Kpop-Fangirl author roster is going to get pegged, I have forseen it.
Kpopalypse continues to rep T-ara, IU, Lovelyz and other irrationally-hated idols for 2016 - a pretty fucking safe bet but just throwing it up here anyway!
Qri still doesn't care - she really doesn't. Kudos to whoever made this amazing image for QDC, who we all owe a debt to for alerting us to the true depth of Qri not caring.
![idontcare]()
That's it for Kpopalypse's amazing predictions for about year! In 12 months we'll see if I'm I'm deadly accurate, or just as laughably wrong as The Great Satan!
![predictionfooter]()
So, how did I do with the original predictions? My haters didn't seem to think that I was very accurate... but of course, haters only see what they want to see. Let's take a proper look with the bias-lenses of "omg I liek so hate that Kpopalypse dude" removed.
Girls’ Generation will continue – sort of. - CORRECT. I predicted a gradual winding-down of the group's activities. This has happened, with the girls being less dynamic as a group and having more individual/subunit activities.
EXO as a group will remain popular – and underpaid. - CORRECT. EXO are still popular and still make B-list income, while the members who left the group to do Chinese activities are rolling in dosh.
Hyorin from Sistar will lose much of her hair. - UNCONFIRMED. Still waiting for that perfect wigslip moment to be captured by an intrepid fancammer, however most are not pointing their lenses that high up, which probably explains the lack of evidence so far.
Apink will be fucking up and down the house. - CORRECT. Apink returned with a Shinsadong Tiger song in 2015, which means that they've been making use of the Shinsadong Tiger Bangbus.
Sulli won’t give a cao ni ma. - CORRECT. Sulli is free from the shackles of f(x) and is all about Choiza now. Let's celebrate!
Qri still won’t care. - CORRECT. Qri is confirmed as not caring.
Zico will get into more scandals. - CORRECT. Naughty naughty Zico. Quick Netizenbuzz, deploy uncharacteristically positive articles!
Woollim will take those who spread the Jisoo rumours to court – and win. - taken to court CORRECT, victory PENDING but certain.
Ladies Code will come back – but it won’t be the same. - CORRECT. Their old upbeat fun style is gone, they are now a ballad group.
Way’s Girls will become more active. - CORRECT. Muchevidenceexists of the continued activity of Way's Girls.
Raina will collapse at an event and get admitted to hospital. - INCORRECT. The divine goddess of After School/Orange Caramel has proven immune to such trifling mortal threats. I obviously lacked faith, forgive me oh Raina.
IU will complete her transition to a “more mature image”. - CORRECT. Love her or hate her, nobody will look at IU the same way again after she completely scuttled the last remaining remnants of her annoying "Nation's Little Sister" image on the blunt rocks of ham-fisted satire that was shallow as fuck but still too deep for the average k-pop fan to grasp.
Shindong will get bullied out of Super Junior. - CORRECT. Booted out of Super Junior to a life in the army, Shindong is now busy discovering the joys of military discipline.
SM Entertainment will keep fucking with everyone else’s shit. - CORRECT. The JYJ Law has passed but nothing has actually changed.
Han Ye Seul and Teddy’s relationship will deteriorate, boosting Teddy’s song quality. - PENDING. YG still haven't debuted their new 2NE1 2.0 "independent girl group who doesn't need a man to do shit - but Teddy writes all the songs" that will prove or disprove this prediction.
JYP will position GOT7 to replace 2PM as his main money-earner. - CORRECT. Of course k-pop's legions of idiots constantly focus on chart position and award show wins, but smart people know that the real money in k-pop comes from endorsements and commercial work. In the areas where it actually matters, GOT7 have been cleaning up nicely with endorsementseverywhere. In the meantime, JYP saying his name at the start of songs has returned as predicted.
K-pop will continue to not take over the world. - CORRECT. Shonky concerts and mediocre overseas activity continued to ensure that Korean idols and k-pop remain a cult phenomenon in western countries only.
Massive amounts of prostitution will jeopardise at least one record label. - INCORRECT. They totally got away with it, this time.
AOA will bring back the band concept, but you won’t like it. - PENDING. AOA definitely aren't ditching it, so it will come back... whether it sucks or not remains to be seen.
K-pop fans will be just as stupid in 2015 as they were in 2014. - CO-FUCKING-REKT.
Wow, amazing! I got almost everything right! It seems like my ESP inherited from Boram came through with the goods, she would be proud of her son's abilities. Now that I have a proven track record, let's see if I can repeat the performance over the next 12 months!
Apink will begin their transition to a "more mature image" - Now that none of them are virgins thanks to Shinsadong Tiger's prowess at hooking them up with male idols, watch their carefully constructed
IU keeps on chooglin' - speaking of
AOA replace Sistar - as the group that more Korean men fap to, more of the time.
Mamamoo replace Sistar - as the Korean pop group that people endlessly bang on and on about the "talents" of, regardless of their musical quality or lack thereof.
Yolosweg for all - just about every Korean idol you can imagine who does a solo, no matter how ill-suited to the concept, will rape our ears with yolotrap as in 2016 we reach "peak sweg". Expect to hear that stacatto "hey hey hey hey" in every second fucking beat for a while longer too.
f(x) finally get that fucking fandom name - Now that f(x)'s entire concept is ruined thanks to Sulli's departure, SM will steer them towards average-land and eventual retirement, meaning that SM will now have nothing to lose by giving them a fandom name and making them exactly like every other group, also shutting up the group's annoying conformity-craving fans. By the way the name will be really shit, and you won't like it. Be careful what you wish for.
Korean netizens officially recognised as worthless human garbage by the Korean government - worried about the negative international reputation created by trendy international k-pop loving fucksticks translating Korean netizen comments, the Korean government puts their foot down in their usual style with some juicy democratisaion.
Classy-sexy concepts come back - after a flood of girls in frilly dresses and loose-fitting t-shirts and board shorts through the first part of 2016, the pendulum swings the other way and a girl group throws out a "classy sexy" concept (the Kpopalypse meaning of the term) to rival classy-sexy master Gain, much to the horror of everyone except me, who totally saw it coming and had the hand lube prepared.
Crayon Pop continue to not have another BarBarBar - they won't reach the heights of viral fame again anytime soon, but will also continue to do more weird concepts that will make their growing niche audience happy, however...
Way's Girls takes a hit as operatives get caught - a fund redistribution scheme goes awry and someone pays dearly for their allegiance to Way's Girls. Way plots her revenge.
Puer Kim gets the girls out - an intrepid fashion photographer or video/TV director helps Korea's Tura Santana Puer Kim realise her true calling.
K-pop agencies and promoters will continue to fuck up tours left and right - expect more disasters like the BTS debacle.
15&'s Park Jimin finds out about Kpopalypse's lust for her, and freaks the fuck out - word that Kpopalypse would park in Park Jimin filters back to the girl herself via cheeky caonimas posing as 15& fans. Park Jimin is alerted to the pure filth that is Kpopalypse blog, spends an evening reading all the posts tagged "fap" with her own name all over them and decrees that he's a creep who is totally not ever going there.
Plagiarism keeps being a huge obsession for k-pop following morons - but nobody in the industry cares, and nobody gets sued successfully.
Eat Your Kimchi finally agrees to do Kpopalypse Interview - under the condition that they are also asked about other things than Martina's breast size. Kpopalypse calmly accepts these terms.
Asian Junkie is outed as a Raina fapper - longstanding k-pop blogger and unconvincing Rainaism denialist Asian Junkie will continue to erroneously claim that Raina is not the cutest member of Orange Caramel, however the truth of how he feels towards Raina his one true love will be revealed soon when he slips up and inadvertently shows his true colours.
An Anti Kpop-Fangirl author gets pegged - which one will it be? Will it be Kpopalypse? Pegging master HanYeSeul_Fag? AKF himself? Or someone else? I don't know, but someone in the Anti Kpop-Fangirl author roster is going to get pegged, I have forseen it.
Kpopalypse continues to rep T-ara, IU, Lovelyz and other irrationally-hated idols for 2016 - a pretty fucking safe bet but just throwing it up here anyway!
Qri still doesn't care - she really doesn't. Kudos to whoever made this amazing image for QDC, who we all owe a debt to for alerting us to the true depth of Qri not caring.
That's it for Kpopalypse's amazing predictions for about year! In 12 months we'll see if I'm I'm deadly accurate, or just as laughably wrong as The Great Satan!
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Fancam Appreciation #13 - Nine Muses' Sojin
This week's submission comes from Sam, and it's Nine Muses' Sojin. I finally learned one of the new members' name, so that's my accomplishment for the day.
Are there fancams that you want to nominate? Email them to antikpopfangirl@yahoo.com or tweet them to @antikpopfangirl.
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Saturday Shitfest #28
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Weekly Showdown: 2015 Christmas Special
[Results of last showdown here]
Christmas is right around the corner and we all know that means it's time for shitty Kpop Christmas releases. Yay. To be honest the only two X-mas releases I listened to so far are EXO's and Girls Generation's and neither are all that good really. Since I don't really have any other ideas for a showdown, I'm just gonna put those two up against each other for Best (or in this case, more tolerable) Christmas Release.
In other words, would you rather be happy or depressed this Winter?
"Dear Santa" is a little too all over the place for me while "Sing for You" is just way too depressing and ballad-y, so I'm not really a fan of either song. But I'll pick "Sing for You" because the music video was really, and I mean REALLY good. Speaking of which, congratulations to EXO for finally escaping their seemingly endless realm of box-sets, and for their first music video that actually has meaning. No seriously, this deserves a fucking celebration. The part with the alternating shots of Kai dancing and the fighting scene was cleverly done and the whole thing was of high quality in general. I might even go as far as saying it's the best music video this year. Well done, SM. Well done indeed.
Christmas is right around the corner and we all know that means it's time for shitty Kpop Christmas releases. Yay. To be honest the only two X-mas releases I listened to so far are EXO's and Girls Generation's and neither are all that good really. Since I don't really have any other ideas for a showdown, I'm just gonna put those two up against each other for Best (or in this case, more tolerable) Christmas Release.
In other words, would you rather be happy or depressed this Winter?
Best Christmas Release?
"Dear Santa" is a little too all over the place for me while "Sing for You" is just way too depressing and ballad-y, so I'm not really a fan of either song. But I'll pick "Sing for You" because the music video was really, and I mean REALLY good. Speaking of which, congratulations to EXO for finally escaping their seemingly endless realm of box-sets, and for their first music video that actually has meaning. No seriously, this deserves a fucking celebration. The part with the alternating shots of Kai dancing and the fighting scene was cleverly done and the whole thing was of high quality in general. I might even go as far as saying it's the best music video this year. Well done, SM. Well done indeed.
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Sunday Shitpost #3
Welcome to Sunday Shitpost, the series you read during the extremely long commercial breaks in football games or when you're having a painful bout of diarrhea and need something to laugh at while your asshole is screaming in pain.
News Story #1: Jessica and Kris meet up at some Chinese variety show
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| Laugh it off and rub it in to your former group mates. |
This is for Kpopalypse: Sica's selca is so supremely sweet and she needs to suck my schlong and swallow my salty semen.
News Story #2: Hyunyoung and Jaekyung make our penises hard and erect
I don't have to write shit.
News Story #3: April releases teaser for Snowman
At this rate, April will end up on my shitlist.
News Story #4: Shinhwa's Eric claims that no one else should be allowed to use the color orange
Dude, you're 35, get the fuck over it. Most of your fans are over 30. Who gives a fuck if iKon is using orange? There are only so many colors for fanbases to use.
News Story #5: iKon to release double title skid marks for their debut album
iKon's music is the equivalent of someone blasting their diarrhea shits all over you.
Last, but certainly not least,
News Story #6: Amber to release another solo album
Her last one wasn't bad enough?
This is me listening to Amber's shitty songs from this year.
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Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 85
Han Ji Min is one incredibly rude bitch!
Han Ji Min was on Entertainment Weekly and is apparently a gigantic cunt for talking about the triplets, the reason why she likes The Return of Superman. Just because Han Ji Min was gifted a calendar of Choo Sarang it doesn't mean that the whole interview has to be about Choo Sarang.
For example, if I was gifted a Han Ji Min calendar, I would say "Yeah, she's hot and I would let her piss all over my face," but if someone interviewed me, I would talk about drinking Han Hye Jin's breast milk. Just because I didn't spend all of my interview talking about Han Ji Min peeing in my face, that does not mean I am rude.
If you have any submissions for STFU, send them to hanyeseul_fag@yahoo.com or to @antikpopfangirl on Twitter.
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Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 86
What I learned today is that beauty rankings should not depend on actual beauty, but how good they are at variety! This user got mad over these results.
It doesn't matter if Hani is a variety star queen or if Tzuyu is a nugu -- more people would rather fap to someone underage and risk getting a visit from Chris Hansen than to fap to Hani. Perhaps you should be blaming Hani for losing 20 pounds.
I don't see any problems with Tzuyu aside from her age.
If you have any submissions for STFU, send them to hanyeseul_fag@yahoo.com or to @antikpopfangirl on Twitter.
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suho_ftw's 15 Favorite K-Pop B-Sides of 2015
This is FEMM by the way. Yes I know they're Japanese. Yes they're singing in English. Yes this is a blog post about K-Pop. Are you confused enough yet?
Disclaimers:
- I kept it one song per artists because I knew if I added more than one song by one artists then the list would have contained songs from like two albums, which would have been accurate but boring. Plus, some other groups had songs I wanted to mention.
- I cheat twice on this list by adding two rap songs. Only twice.
- Quite a few b-sides I liked didn't make it on the list and it does pain me.
- I didn't have enough time to listen to every album by every artists, but I do listen to a lot of albums.
- More nugus are on my favorite promotional songs lists, as many nugus don't release albums.
- We all know why this is mostly girl groups.
- It's all my opinion.
15.) IU - "Zeze"
Starting off the list with everyone's favorite b-side of the year: IU's "Zeze!" It appears even netizens knew this hip-hop/pop song wouldn't do well on the charts so they made up a big scandal that insured everyone, even the non-IU fans, would hear this ear-worm! Unfortunately the plan backfired so bad IU's blacklisted along with T-ara, JYJ, and the ex-EXO members but she'll surely return with a comeback that will insure her cash-flow is solid like everyone listed above.
14.) UP10TION - "Phoenix"
Expect f(x) to come up a lot in this list, since I personally find that f(x) have the best b-sides in k-pop it's only natural that if a song reminds me of their sound then I'll probably love it. Although I don't mind yoloswag concepts from boy groups when their done right (BTS, MonstaX), most of the time they're kind of boring. Fangirls eat that shit up so companies keep doing it. It is because of this, that I have a deep admiration for Up10tion because they seem to combine the boy groups pre-yoloswag with modern boy groups seamlessly and that makes them unique in my mind. "Phoenix" is one of those songs that do that: and upbeat dance number that's the f(x) kind of weird with just enough rapping so that it pleases the yoloswaggers but doesn't offend those who aren't fond of it. What's not to like?
13.) 4minute - "Cut It Out"
13.) 4minute - "Cut It Out"
This song gets on my list purely out of bias for this style of hip-hop. Being eighteen, I grew up on hip-hop songs mainly from the 2000's (how refreshing, someone born in the late 90's who doesn't pretend like they grew up listening to music from the late 90's.) In which a lot of artists, such as Ludacris for example, did this kind of style. Is it shit? Maybe. But it gives me the nostalgia of being a kid again and dancing (very badly) at summer block club parties. It's honestly refreshing to hear this coming from a k-pop group and to be truthful, I couldn't picture it coming any more perfectly than from 4minute.
12.) Lovelyz - "How To Be a Pretty Girl"
Seemingly J-Pop inspired like most of Lovelyz's album tracks this song is what I'm going to describe as "pop disco" (if that's even how you would describe it.) It reminds me a lot of older f(x) b-sides like "Sweet Witches" and "Ice Cream" making it addictive and catchy as fuck.
11.) Yankie - "Purple Night"
The main reason I cheated is because I really wanted to include this insanely addictive song. Yankie's "Andre" album is by far one of the best albums of the year and it was hard to pick my favorite song off of it, but in the end, it was "Purple Night" that made this list. I know on the surface it seems like a standard rap/hip-hop-meets-trap song, and it does kind of sound like funeral music in some parts, but it's not overbearing. It's mysterious with Yankie's rapping and Soran's soothing vocals with a rather interesting analogy for sex during the chorus ("Stop and go. Red and blue. I need you tonight. Let's make purple.") This is easily one of my most played songs of the year.
10.) Girls' Genration - "Sign"
"Sign" is basically one of the let-overs from f(x)'s "Red Light" album and it's great. Has one of SNSD's best chorus's to date. The "trap" breakdown towards the end was bit unnecessary but it only lasts for like five seconds but other than that, the song is totally addictive.
9.) Ailee - "Love Recipe"
I liked "Mind Your Buisiness" but damn, "Love Recipe" should have been the title track. The chorus and melody is just awesome. It's basically the same thing Ailee does with her title tracks only it's just better. I can't explain, you'll see what I mean if you listen.
8.) Twice - "Must Be Crazy"
CLC might have had the better title track ("Ohh Ahh" was pretty awesome but I can't deny the greatness of "Pepe.") but Twice had the better b-sides. Their whole debut mini album had me coming back for more, and "Must Be Crazy" is one of those synthy dance R&B pop songs that's hard for me to resists.
7.) BTS - "Ma City"
I'm a fan of Kendrick Lamar, and I really like "I" and apparently the kpop version is just as good. Boy groups doing 70's funk is nothing out of the ordinary but it's rarely this fun or energetic. Also Jimin's bridge before the chorus is one of the most eargasmic things I've ever heard.
6.) BoA - "Clockwork"
BoA really outdid herself for her 15th anniversary, and it shows a lot with how high quality her 8th album is. A lot of songs from BoA's "Kiss My Lips" album could have made it on this list but "Clockwork" takes the cake for me. It's a nice sultry and mysterious tango song and I'm praying she does an MV for it.
5.) Seventeen - "Fronting"
Don't ask what I like so much about this song I just do. And know it's not because Hoshi owns the live stages (bless his adorable soul though.) This is just one of the (much) better done trap+hip-hop mixed with pop songs. It keeps me coming back.
4.) Dynamic Duo - "How You Doin?" + Red Velvet - "Lady's Room"
Couldn't decide literally had both stuck in my head for a week (separate weeks.) That Dynamic Duo song is pretty new with their new album just coming out about three weeks ago but damn, song got stuck in my head, the beat is just that good, plus I'm always up for more Gaeko. I'm still replaying the shit out of this song. As for "Lady's Room", needless to say, SM stepped up their album production A LOT this year. "The Red" is probably my favorite album of the year, and I feel that "Ladies' Room" is one of the more underrated songs from the album. Most people obsess over "Time Slip" or "Red Dress" (both great songs imo) but "Ladies' Room" just takes you for an old fashioned synth-heavy disco(?) trip with just enough creativity behind it to keep your attention. It's also one of their more mature songs since the lyrics are basically about RV getting drunk at a club/party and meeting in a room to discuss the hot guys they're gonna hit on later.
3.) f(x) - "Papi"
I honestly love the "4Walls" album and find it another stellar edition to f(x)'s already great discography, and many if not all the songs could have made this list but in the end, it's "Papi" that I figured belonged here. I honestly haven't heard such a great clubbing song like this since T-ara released "Sugar Free" last year. This follows the same formula of a good clubbing song with a catchy melody and an infectious chorus with the actual instrumental being fast and on a large enough scale that you just lose yourself in the trip it takes you in. Also, it has guitar in it and whenever a clubbing song incorporates guitar into it, I have a hard time disliking it.
2.) Wonder Girls - "Candle"
Hands down one of the coolest songs to have ever taken inspiration from early 80's dance music. It has everything you love about that era of music: cheesy chorus ("light my candle") thumping dancing beats, synthy harmonization. What's not to love? Paloalto was even able to put in a modern-sounding rap without it coming off jarring among all of the old-school vibes. "Reboot" is honestly a masterpiece of an album in general.
1.) Girl's Day - "Macaron"
I seriously want to throw a brick at whoever chose "Ring My Bell" as Girl's Day's title track when "Macaron" shits all over that song in every way. This has all the upbeat energy of RMB but makes it more salvageable by making it an amazing jazz-meets-pop-meets-hip-hop dance track. It has a far better chorus, verses, bridge, and really just everything about this song is purely awesome and my personally favorite b-side of the year.
So those are my favorite b-sides of 2015. Fairly decent year for b-sides, and I hope 2016 remains just as good if not better.
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AKF's Top 30 Title Tracks of 2015
I'm sure this song is going to be everyone's #1 song of the year.
Anyway, knowing that I was going to be busy this year, I saved an Excel spreadsheet and rated the title songs I listened to throughout the year so that I wouldn't have to wait until the last week of the year asking myself "What the fuck even came out this year?" Halfway throughout the year I only started rating the songs I liked because there was no way I was going to write a list about shitty songs as well. My list ended up with 31 songs that had a rating of 7 or higher, so I removed the song I liked the least and ended up with 30 for this list. Lastly, this list only includes songs up until December 19th. I doubt any Christmas carols released by K-pop groups will make my list, so I am good to go.
When I was making this list, the first thing I thought was "Lizzy had a solo this year? Someone from After School actually had some activities this year?" It had been so long since this song came out that I forgot about it.
The song is a trot song, and while it's not my favorite genre, I can listen to one song a year from that genre, and luckily Lizzy's song is good enough to listen to at least once.
29. Ga-in - Apple
Ga-in had a good year as a solo artist with the release of her latest mini-album, Hawwah. I really like the funky beat and the "don't don't don't" "do do do" parts of the song. Jay's featuring caused this song to drop around 20 spots in the list.
28. miss A - Only You
miss A's Only You was underwhelming at first because the group had such a long streak of really solid title tracks. This is one of those songs that grew on me -- it's still not a song that I would call great, but good enough to give a listen to here and there. I know Suzy, Fei and Jia are busy filming dramas/movies and Min's busy stuffing her fat face at the buffet, but I hope the group returns with stronger music in 2016.
27. Twice - Like OOH-AHH
Twice is going to be the next nation's girl group whether people like it or not. Twice's debut song song Like OOH-AHH (literally, Elegantly) is a mixture of three genres and is catchy enough to listen to, but Twice will need stronger tracks to live up to the hype.
26. T-ara - So Crazy
It feels like a crime to have T-ara listed so low on an end-of-year list, but they came back with a leftover AOA title track. The MV is awesome, as are the sailor outfits, so not all was lost with this comeback. I think we're all just waiting for T-ara's Chinese full album with a Shinsadong Tiger title track to come out. What a way to give Korea the middle finger, Kim Kwang Soo.
25. Hello Venus - Wiggle Wiggle
Nara is so fucking hot. Also, I expected this song to be a disaster, and surprisingly, it wasn't too bad. I can't say the same for the MV, as it is beyond atrocious. I hope this MV director gets schlonged and never directs again.
24. Crayon Pop - FM
Crayon Pop releases their first good track in almost three years and it's a B-side T-ara track. Well, a B-side T-ara track is still better than 90% of what comes out, so congratulations for Crayon Pop defying the odds and making my list.
23. EXID - Ah Yeah
EXID changed up the formula very little for Ah Yeah, which is a good and a bad thing. Up & Down was one of my favorite songs of 2014, so I was happy to have another version. However, this song has way too much LE and Junghwa's verses sucks slimy seal schlong saran-wrapped with shit.
Let's all pretend Hot Pink doesn't exist, because that would easily make my top 5 worst title tracks of 2015.
22. Girl's Day - Ring My Bell
I swear that I am the only one who likes this song. I thought it was genius to give Yura a two-line rap. I love the funky beat and the chorus is beyond catchy. All four look hot in their swimsuits.
Also, my friend Bou and I thought the "black" dude was just a Korean guy in black face. It must be the lighting because his skin tone does not look natural to me.
Plus Sojin showed everyone her vag. Something good came out of this promotion cycle.
21. Gaeko + Yankie - Cheers
There were only a few hiphop songs that I liked this year. This year was a terrible, terrible year for Korean hiphop. While this song is good, if it had come out any other year before 2013, it wouldn't even be close to making this list. And hey, we even get a cameo from Choiza, who took time out of his busy schedule of busting a nut on Sulli's face.
20. Red Velvet - Ice Cream Cake
Red Velvet had a very good year. I was worried about this group as soon as I knew I would automatically hate half of their music, but if they keep releasing enough songs like Ice Cream Cake, I can see them climbing my girl group rankings in the future. Red Velvet reminds me of the Pinocchio-era of f(x) with a modern sound.
19. Nine Muses - Hurt Locker
Remember how good Nine Muses was in 2013? Hurt Locker is as close to their peak as Nine Muses will most likely get. Hurt Locker is an addictive EDM song that would have stood out if so many girl groups did not release songs during the summer.
18. AOA - Heart Attack
AOA came out with a great song with Heart Attack, with the song sounding like a club version of a song instead of the original version. I'm glad Brave Brothers decided to skip to the better-sounding version of the song.
17. Rainbow - Black Swan
Remember when zaku used to write here instead of spamming twitter about how he faps to prepubescent anime girls? He wrote a great review about Rainbow's Black Swan. Black Swan was easily one of the best songs of the first half of 2015 -- it is a shame the song flopped so badly that Rainbow stopped promoting the song after two weeks. I thought this song made up for their disastrous 2013 singles, but apparently Korea did not.
16. BoA - Who Are You?
BoA's whole Kiss My Lips album is filled with great songs, and just about all of them could have been featured tracks. It just so happens that BoA decided to release an upbeat R&B song featuring Korea's best mainstream rapper.
15. Oh My Girl - Closer
This is the song that caught my attention and found myself checking out Oh My Girl. I still can't even name a single member (I haven't even had time to even try to figure out their names), but I'm hoping Oh My Girl can keep up the momentum next year.
14. Hello Venus - I'm Ill
Hello Venus had a pretty solid year, but with all the hate Brave Brothers receives, I'm sure a lot of people wrote off this song before even listening to it. I'm actually happy with Brave Brothers experimenting with EDM music and going away from his bread and butter sound. I'm Ill is a club banger, that like Nine Muses' Hurt Locker, got buried beneath all of the other girl group releases during the summer.
13. BoA - Kiss My Lips
BoA's Kiss My Lips is one of those sultry R&B songs infused with a lot of synth beats. It's a mash-up that sounded better than I expected. Be sure to listen to the Korean version, the Japanese version's verses sound bad.
12. Taeyeon - I
It figures that the only way that anything SNSD-related to make this list would be a solo effort from one of the members. I dreaded listening to this song at first because I thought it would be a lifeless ballad, but it's a nice rock song and is light years ahead of anything else released by SNSD this year.
11. Wonder Girls - I Feel You
It's hard to believe that the Wonder Girls even made a comeback, but this title track was great and was on repeat every day. The whole album is very good; however, the more I listen to it, the more that I realize that I really like half of the tracks and loathe the other half of the tracks.
I just hope we get another WG album in two years instead of four or five years, because we need more songs with the JYP whisper.
10. 4minute - Crazy
4minute used to be one of my favorite groups because almost all of their tracks were composed by Shinsadong Tiger. Aside from T-ara, from 2009 through 2012, 4minute was the most consistent group in releasing good title tracks. Then in 2013 4minute teamed up with Brave Brothers and came out with some of the worst music I have ever heard. Thankfully all is right with the Kpop world again and 4minute is releasing good music again.
9. Red Velvet - Dumb Dumb
You would think a song repeating one word over two hundred times would be the most annoying song of the year, but Dumb Dumb is one of those manic songs that keeps you coming back for more. Also, Irene is really hot, so bless her existence. She's also the only member in the group that doesn't make me feel old.
8. BESTie - Excuse Me
BESTie had a horrid 2014, releasing three songs and only one worth listening a second time (Thank You Very Much). With Excuse Me, BESTie finally has a song that can rival, but not top, the classic Love Options. The MV is pretty awesome for essentially showing BESTie in underwear. You can call them really short shorts, but we all know what they were really wearing.
7. Ga-in - Paradise Lost
I allow myself to like one artsy-fartsy song that is so full itself, and this year's version of that song is Ga-in's Paradise Lost. While the song starts off weak, the ambiance it builds up leading to the chorus is what sold me on the song. I know a lot of international fans fingered their assholes to the religious bashing in the song, so I guess Ga-in threw you guys a bone.
6. Paloalto - Good Times
I really love this song and it was my most listened to song in the first half of 2015. The chill beat paired with Paloalto's great rapping make this song an easy listen. I can't forget to mention the MV, but it makes Busan look like a great city.
5. A Pink - Remember
I don't know how, but A Pink always finds a way to make my top 10, and Remember is the latest song that slowly crept up my list during the year. I just really love the melody that plays in between the verses and chorus, and the combining of the two main melodies at the end of the song. Shinsadong Tiger strikes again.
4. JYP - Who's Your Mama?
JYP releases a catchy song about asses. How could I not include it in my top 5. The main dancer has a really nice ass, and it should have been the featured ass of the MV instead of that other chick. This song also inspired an awesome remix if you haven't checked it out yet.
3. f(x) - 4 Walls
With 4 Walls, f(x) officially overtook T-ara as my favorite girl group. While T-ara has more quality title tracks, no other Kpop group has released three really great albums, especially three in a row. It doesn't hurt that Sulli is now out of the group, as I thought she was the most unattractive female in the group. This new setup doubles Victoria's lines, and more importantly, her screen time.
2. Stellar - Vibrato
Kpop is whole again with Sweetune getting out of their slump. I like the first two minutes of the song, but the last minute with the bridge is what makes this song special. The bridge is much longer than the typical pop song, then it builds up to a much-higher tempo version of the chorus, and then just ends, which begs for a repeat listening whenever this song comes up on my playlist.
1. BoA - Lookbook
Like I wrote in my review just last week, this song is amazingly good and addictive. It reminds me of the good songs BoA was releasing in Japan in the mid-to-late 2000s. I finally got to listen to the full version and the bridge makes the song even better. Here's to hoping avex actually promotes BoA well next year and isn't super fucking lazy with her 15th anniversary album.
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