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Sana Reminds Us How Hot She Is
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[MV Review] EXO - "Lucky One"
Been about a year since EXO's last comeback. While "Call Me Baby" was a decent song the album had much better songs, however this comeback's songs are their best since "Overdose", proving their full potential.
To start off EXO couldn't have picked a worse time to come back, during the week of this comeback I had finals and graduation so I put this comeback on the back-burner of my priorities. Not because I thought the songs would be bad or anything, but because I had no time.
But now I am free and able to review this properly. EXO start off their two part comeback with "Lucky One," which is the tamer of the song but it honestly isn't that much far behind "Monster", which will be most peoples favorite. "Lucky One" is an electro-funk song however it refrains from sounding like a SHINee reject by adding more dance qualities to the song. The song is bouncy, catchy and retro all while being addictive. It's honestly refreshing hearing this type of sound from EXO who typically does the late 1990s and early 2000s sound.
The music video has no chill. EXO have been trapped in a hospital which is within a giant maze that is ran by a group of sasaengs that are running god knows what type of test on their oppas. Then once EXO becomes self-aware of what's being done with them (or the saseangs just get them really high, whichever you want to believe) it all of sudden becomes a T-Pain music video mixed with Star Wars. Kai then tries to Michael Jackson his way out of shit and the other members actually use their powers in this one, which would add to the entertainment factor of the music video if they weren't looked over. At least the sasaengs get their heads blown off.
At first I thought I'd hate this music video given that I hate doctors and hospitals however they managed to make it amusing, and I'm happy all of the white didn't blind the fuck out of me. In the end, I like the video. It's like a more fucked up version of SNSD's "Mr. Mr." MV.
The members all look find for the most part. My only complaint as there are with a lot of EXO's videos is that there isn't enough Suho. Come on SM, EXO lost three members and you can't even give Suho five more seconds of screen time?
Overall "Lucky One" is a song I can see myself coming back to. It's already a step up from "Call Me Baby" which is a really good thing.
Suho on the throne where he rightfully belongs.
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Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 19 - MFECT, Oriental Showcus, Hexagonal Water
It's time again for another episode of the most loved and loathed series on Kpopalypse blog, yes it's Kpopalypse Nugu Alert!
![nugu19head]()
Read on as Kpopalypse finds more nugus especially for you!
Imagine that you're a k-pop company CEO looking for a way to shoot a hot new video for your group. You hold a boardroom meeting and run through the various options available with your video shooting team:
Drama video - no way, you'd have to hire a scriptwriter for a start, then you'd need multiple locations and great props for it to look even halfway good... this is going to be way too expensive, let's not bother. Your team agree unanimously that this would be a royal pain in the ass.
Box video - you think "wow SM are so cheap with their box videos, how hard can it be" so your team make some enquiries at a set fabrication company and find out that to get a box that can realistically compete with the stuff that SM uses can actually cost over $100,000. Who knew? Needless to say, fuck that shit.
Studio video - "okay, this will be alright, we don't need the box, we'll just hire out a studio", but some more ringing around confirms that all the studios in your area are booked out for months in advance doing various other nugu k-pop projects. Damn.
Location video - "fine, we'll go to that amusement park everyone else uses" you say in frustration.
Your video director is aghast. "No, I'm not shooting there!" he says.
"Why what's the problem? Too cliched for you?" you snort.
"No..." his face turns red as he continues. "I fucked the sister of the guy who runs that place and leases it out to all the k-pop groups! I didn't use protection and I had no money so he had to pay for her abortion! He said he'd kill me if he saw me again! I'm not going to shoot there!"
You stand up and point at him angrily. "Fine, then I'll get another director!"
The entire room starts mumbling and coughing.
"Um.... I actually fucked her too" says the assistant director.
"Yeah, er... me as well... can't we just shoot it somewhere else?" says the lighting tech.
"It's going to be so awkward... I forgot to pull out" mumbles the production assistant.
You sigh. "Okay, so who here has NOT had sex with the sister of the amusement park guy, please raise your hand."
You look around the room, no hands go up, except one. "I haven't", says the secretary changing the filter in the coffee machine at the back of the room.
"Okay, FINE THEN. Forget interesting props, we'll just go and shoot it in the middle of fucking nowhere! The fans had better not blame me if it looks like shit!"
This episode of Nugu Alert is dedicated to those k-pop CEOs who may have found themselves in a predicament similar to the above. We've all seen k-pop videos with spectacular scenery like Taeyeon's "I", but SM had to go to New Zealand to find vistas like that, which is a little beyond the nugu agency's budget. If you could only go locally, and the outdoor nature scenery there was boring as batshit, would you still film your music video there anyway? The following videos are the result of agencies who answered a resounding "yes" to this question, let's take a look!
Usual nugu alert rules apply:
The boys of MFECT have a reasonably decent song and do their best to make the most visually out of some incredibly flat grassland and dirt roads. At least the levelled-out OH&S compliant ground surface means that they're less likely to trip and do themselves an injury, showcasing a rare instance of k-pop agencies giving a shit about the welfare of their group members. The girls of The Starz who came to the attention of Kpopalypse in Nugu Alert Episode 15 for filming part of their MV in a bombed out warehouse with dangerous shit all over the floor are probably jealously complaining to their agency now "why didn't you look after us like this?". It doesn't end there however, M.fect's video director then daringly tries for some night shots using candlelights suspended from trees as a prop, and there's even a few shots filmed at the end of a pier where there's a funny metal frame construction that I guess the director thought looked a bit like the impressive random metal structures that hang around in the background of SM box videos:
![mfect1]()
![mfect4]()
Kind of similar, right? Okay, never mind.
YouTube views at time of writing: 9455
Notable attribute: girl at 1:58 so transfixed by bits of paper that she doesn't notice the oncoming car in the background, everyone please wish her a speedy recovery
Nugu Alert rating: high
Oriental Showcus are nugus at least for the purpose of Nugu Alert, but Koonta sure isn't. Koonta's main gig is reggae group Rude Paper, he isn't afraid of a collaboration or two, and being highly experienced in locating green outdoor areas in Jamaica Koonta has decided to give his reggae friends in Oriental Showcus an image boost by pointing them in the direction of the nearest recreation park with long overgrown weeds and a river by it. It's this kind of thoughtful action which has led to this visually outstanding video, featuring singing by some weeds, singing on a bridge by some weeds, singing in a park near a bridge by some weeds, and more. The instrumentalists don't get the same location variety as the singer however, probably because the effort involved in finding multiple good locations for each instrument was probably stretching the timeframe and budget just a little too much, but hey, when it comes to making low budget videos you've got to prioritise.
![mfect3]()
There was however time for three singers on the bridge, showing that perhaps the editor had more time on his hands than the director. Or perhaps there really are identical triplets fronting this group and the director just shoved them all on the bridge at once hoping it would collapse so he wouldn't have to listen to any more of this boring reggae-lite.
YouTube views at time of writing: 6622
Notable attribute: video staff couldn't be fucked picking up all the trash in the creek at 3:23
Nugu Alert rating: very high
It's hard to even know where to begin with this outstanding video, an audiovisual artifact of cool trot and over-the-top visuals surely custom-made with Kpopalypse Nugu Alert specifically in mind. Going against the grain by being filmed with bold, revealing long-shots (no fast cutting here) and an almost completely still camera, it's unclear whether Hexagonal Water is one person, a group of people or just a hoax like their namesake. However what is abundantly clear is that our singer is definitely having a good time. Not only this, but in a refreshing change of pace from the usual k-pop fare, his daring, highly exuberant dance moves are completely non-choreographed, and really come to the fore in the breakdowns, starting from the instrumental section that begins at about 1:30. Later on there's four people dancing and I'm unsure whether it's another clone job like Oriental Showcus or if this group really is comprised of the four most spontaneous improv dancers in South Korea, but if you go to a club in Seoul and you see that double-take head move during a song's breakdown from a slightly pudgy guy with JAV star teeth, be sure to go up to him and say that Kpopalypse Nugu Alert said hi.
YouTube views at time of writing: 1107
Notable attribute: quickly-flying birds that leave the scene at 0:31 then return at 0:43, clearly drawn back by the singer's charisma
Nugu Alert rating: extreme
![nugu19foolt]()
That's all for Kpopalypse Nugu Alert! I hope you've enjoyed this episode's selection of nugus, and Kpopalypse will return with even more at a future date!
Read on as Kpopalypse finds more nugus especially for you!
Imagine that you're a k-pop company CEO looking for a way to shoot a hot new video for your group. You hold a boardroom meeting and run through the various options available with your video shooting team:
Drama video - no way, you'd have to hire a scriptwriter for a start, then you'd need multiple locations and great props for it to look even halfway good... this is going to be way too expensive, let's not bother. Your team agree unanimously that this would be a royal pain in the ass.
Box video - you think "wow SM are so cheap with their box videos, how hard can it be" so your team make some enquiries at a set fabrication company and find out that to get a box that can realistically compete with the stuff that SM uses can actually cost over $100,000. Who knew? Needless to say, fuck that shit.
Studio video - "okay, this will be alright, we don't need the box, we'll just hire out a studio", but some more ringing around confirms that all the studios in your area are booked out for months in advance doing various other nugu k-pop projects. Damn.
Location video - "fine, we'll go to that amusement park everyone else uses" you say in frustration.
Your video director is aghast. "No, I'm not shooting there!" he says.
"Why what's the problem? Too cliched for you?" you snort.
"No..." his face turns red as he continues. "I fucked the sister of the guy who runs that place and leases it out to all the k-pop groups! I didn't use protection and I had no money so he had to pay for her abortion! He said he'd kill me if he saw me again! I'm not going to shoot there!"
You stand up and point at him angrily. "Fine, then I'll get another director!"
The entire room starts mumbling and coughing.
"Um.... I actually fucked her too" says the assistant director.
"Yeah, er... me as well... can't we just shoot it somewhere else?" says the lighting tech.
"It's going to be so awkward... I forgot to pull out" mumbles the production assistant.
You sigh. "Okay, so who here has NOT had sex with the sister of the amusement park guy, please raise your hand."
You look around the room, no hands go up, except one. "I haven't", says the secretary changing the filter in the coffee machine at the back of the room.
"Okay, FINE THEN. Forget interesting props, we'll just go and shoot it in the middle of fucking nowhere! The fans had better not blame me if it looks like shit!"
This episode of Nugu Alert is dedicated to those k-pop CEOs who may have found themselves in a predicament similar to the above. We've all seen k-pop videos with spectacular scenery like Taeyeon's "I", but SM had to go to New Zealand to find vistas like that, which is a little beyond the nugu agency's budget. If you could only go locally, and the outdoor nature scenery there was boring as batshit, would you still film your music video there anyway? The following videos are the result of agencies who answered a resounding "yes" to this question, let's take a look!
Usual nugu alert rules apply:
- Less than 20k hits
- Nobody outside of Korea cares
- Kpopalypse thinks you should watch these, just because
MFECT - Just You
The boys of MFECT have a reasonably decent song and do their best to make the most visually out of some incredibly flat grassland and dirt roads. At least the levelled-out OH&S compliant ground surface means that they're less likely to trip and do themselves an injury, showcasing a rare instance of k-pop agencies giving a shit about the welfare of their group members. The girls of The Starz who came to the attention of Kpopalypse in Nugu Alert Episode 15 for filming part of their MV in a bombed out warehouse with dangerous shit all over the floor are probably jealously complaining to their agency now "why didn't you look after us like this?". It doesn't end there however, M.fect's video director then daringly tries for some night shots using candlelights suspended from trees as a prop, and there's even a few shots filmed at the end of a pier where there's a funny metal frame construction that I guess the director thought looked a bit like the impressive random metal structures that hang around in the background of SM box videos:
Kind of similar, right? Okay, never mind.
YouTube views at time of writing: 9455
Notable attribute: girl at 1:58 so transfixed by bits of paper that she doesn't notice the oncoming car in the background, everyone please wish her a speedy recovery
Nugu Alert rating: high
Oriental Showcus ft. Koonta - Puzzle
Oriental Showcus are nugus at least for the purpose of Nugu Alert, but Koonta sure isn't. Koonta's main gig is reggae group Rude Paper, he isn't afraid of a collaboration or two, and being highly experienced in locating green outdoor areas in Jamaica Koonta has decided to give his reggae friends in Oriental Showcus an image boost by pointing them in the direction of the nearest recreation park with long overgrown weeds and a river by it. It's this kind of thoughtful action which has led to this visually outstanding video, featuring singing by some weeds, singing on a bridge by some weeds, singing in a park near a bridge by some weeds, and more. The instrumentalists don't get the same location variety as the singer however, probably because the effort involved in finding multiple good locations for each instrument was probably stretching the timeframe and budget just a little too much, but hey, when it comes to making low budget videos you've got to prioritise.
There was however time for three singers on the bridge, showing that perhaps the editor had more time on his hands than the director. Or perhaps there really are identical triplets fronting this group and the director just shoved them all on the bridge at once hoping it would collapse so he wouldn't have to listen to any more of this boring reggae-lite.
YouTube views at time of writing: 6622
Notable attribute: video staff couldn't be fucked picking up all the trash in the creek at 3:23
Nugu Alert rating: very high
Hexagonal Water - Aduuduu
It's hard to even know where to begin with this outstanding video, an audiovisual artifact of cool trot and over-the-top visuals surely custom-made with Kpopalypse Nugu Alert specifically in mind. Going against the grain by being filmed with bold, revealing long-shots (no fast cutting here) and an almost completely still camera, it's unclear whether Hexagonal Water is one person, a group of people or just a hoax like their namesake. However what is abundantly clear is that our singer is definitely having a good time. Not only this, but in a refreshing change of pace from the usual k-pop fare, his daring, highly exuberant dance moves are completely non-choreographed, and really come to the fore in the breakdowns, starting from the instrumental section that begins at about 1:30. Later on there's four people dancing and I'm unsure whether it's another clone job like Oriental Showcus or if this group really is comprised of the four most spontaneous improv dancers in South Korea, but if you go to a club in Seoul and you see that double-take head move during a song's breakdown from a slightly pudgy guy with JAV star teeth, be sure to go up to him and say that Kpopalypse Nugu Alert said hi.
YouTube views at time of writing: 1107
Notable attribute: quickly-flying birds that leave the scene at 0:31 then return at 0:43, clearly drawn back by the singer's charisma
Nugu Alert rating: extreme
That's all for Kpopalypse Nugu Alert! I hope you've enjoyed this episode's selection of nugus, and Kpopalypse will return with even more at a future date!
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Euijin Teaser for Sonamoo's Comeback
Euijin, the best girl in Sonamoo, has an awesome teaser picture. Does TS suck or what, because I almost forgot that Sonamoo existed. Their peer groups have had several more comebacks, and they've been out of the spotlight for a year already. That's not good for a rookie group. Really, my main complaint is that this group has hot members that have been under wraps for a year. That's the real crime here.
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Heartbreak Bathroom - Tiffany featuring Yoochun
While people have been writing a bunch about Yoochun in the K-pop blogging sphere, all y'all UCAADs have been ignoring this sweet remix Yoochun wrote. With my investigative journalism, I was able to find the lyrics but no audio recording.
Heartbreak bathroom
Heartbreak bathroom
Your eyes that see the end
Shakes me endlessly
Tangles me up
Has time come that I can’t make up?
This painful feeling, stop I can’t hide it
From the beginning, our expression were like
Having ended a predetermined journey
With a tired face
Can you predict what will happen next?
I’ll be gone
You can’t hurt me now
This place is heartbreak bathroom
In this space that remains for me
I lay down alone, forget you
Even if tears fall, forgive you
Today I’m checking out
I’ll leave here (Heartbreak bathroom)
No I ain’t gonna go
No I ain’t gonna go
Today I’m checking out
I’ll leave here (Heartbreak bathroom)
I think of that night that was like a dream
It shakes me endlessly
I’m exhausted
This empty space, your organized baggage
Shows the gap between us
Our relationship has become as if we didn’t know
Each other from the beginning, without expressions
With a bit of an unfamiliar face
I can predict what’s next
You’ll be gone
I can’t hurt you now
This place is heartbreak bathroom
The vain expectations you sometimes gave me
Even if I think of you, forget you
In the end, I forgive you
Today I’m checking out
I’ll leave here (Heartbreak bathroom)
No I ain’t gonna go
No I ain’t gonna go
Today I’m checking out
I’ll leave here (Heartbreak bathroom)
[Yoochun rap]
The bathroom was my safe space
To bust a nut on your face
The place where you gave me a blumpkin twice
While I was sipping on some pumpkin spice
Powerful pussy penetrating penis pulsations
Got me on a legendary high
Tenderly thrusting, tugging, twisting, tapping
Your pussy will never be dry
When I first met you that fateful day
You were a college freshmen with the cutest dimples
You lovingly sucked my cock every morning
Months of facials erased all of your pimples
You know I'm Micky Yoochun
As a first-class idol I get what I want
I don't pay for second-level services
Your payment was me ravaging your cunt
[end rap]
I try to blame you
But now it’s pointless, right here
I try to blame you
There’s no use, right here
My love that poured out to you
It shined because it was you
I always wanted to say this to you
But it’s already too late, right here
This place is heartbreak bathroom
In this space that remains for me
I lay down alone, forget you
Even if tears fall, forgive you
Today I’m checking out
I’ll leave here (Heartbreak bathroom)
No I ain’t gonna go
No I ain’t gonna
Today I’m checking out
I’ll leave here (Heartbreak bathroom)
I try to blame you
But now it’s pointless, right here
I try to blame you
There’s no use, right here
My love that poured out to you
It shined because it was you
I always wanted to say this to you
But it’s already too late, right here
This place is heartbreak bathroom
In this space that remains for me
I lay down alone, forget you
Even if tears fall, forgive you
Today I’m checking out
I’ll leave here (Heartbreak bathroom)
No I ain’t gonna go
No I ain’t gonna
Today I’m checking out
I’ll leave here (Heartbreak bathroom)
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Hyosung for Cosmopolitan
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Nara - SK Telecom CF
Nara needs more CFs and photoshoots.
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BTS Fans Really ARE Everywhere
If you're wondering what TLC has to do with this keep reading.
BTS fans, or ARMYs have a reputation for being literally everywhere. From random videos about rain to pornhub and always connecting the missing link (no matter how long that link is mind you) to BTS somehow. While this is fantastic free marketing for BTS a lot of people find it annoying. Even if it is rather hypocritical.
As for me? I find it rather hilarious. Not because I'm a BTS fan or anti, but because they're LITERALLY EVERYWHERE it's almost suspicious. And also the amount of anger they manage to fuel from other fandoms from spazzing about their faves is also quite funny. To the point where now if ARMYs mention BTS in a video that BTS is in, or is about BTS, all the other fandoms will swarm in complaining about how ARMYs always bring BTS into everything. Which is rather odd, and is pretty much a bandwagon at this point. And lets face it, I'm sure some just do it to piss others off.
So at this point in the post you might be wondering "Where in the fuck does TLC come in all this?" For those of you who don't know, TLC was a three member hip-hop+R&B girl group in 1990s and they were fucking huge until 2002 when member Lisa "Left Eye" Lopes pasted due to a tragic accident.
So I was just listening to "Aint 2 Proud 2 Beg" (video above) and enjoying all of the condoms and cheesey 1990s-ness. I just so happened to scroll down the comments section and was rather laughed at yet ANOTHER ARMY interaction.
I typically don't blur out the names, however I finally figured out how so I'm just gonna try it.
So it starts off with someone with Jin as their icon making a comment about how baby-faced Lisa looked (she was) however in common Army style someone noticed and shouted out.
This is by far the most bizarre ARMY interaction I've ever seen just strictly because this means that not even TLC videos are safe from ARMYs. I mean just wow.
This all brings to me, to what are some of your favorite/most interesting/bizarre ARMY interactions you've seen? I know quite a few of you have had some since you've mentioned them in the comments before, and I'm really wondering if anything can top this or the Pornhub one. That and I honestly just really want a laugh.
This is typically the part in the post where I link a fancam of sorts, so here's Joy performing "Adult Ceremony." TLC was a group from the 90s, "Adult Ceremony" was released in the 90s, and Joy was made in the 90s, so it makes perfect sense to link this here.
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The Hateful Eight's Kid Leader to Make a Solo Comeback
Thank God. As long as it's not an SNSD comeback, I am good. I'd even take a Hyoyeon solo featuring Amber over an SNSD song these days.
(I'm really busy this week, so this week will be shitpost week. I have to work until midnight tonight.)
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Irene Claimed to be the Prettiest Girl Group Member
Some guys on a variety show said what we already know.
Based on the fapping data I discovered, Irene is the most fapped to idol in Kpop since 2014.
Alright, now I gotta get back to work.
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Kpopalypse's free legal advice service for k-pop fans!
Recent developments in the world of k-pop have shown that k-pop labels
are swift towill eventually take legal action against malicious haters!
![legalintro2]()
![legalintro]()
Are you prepared for such an eventuality? Could you use free legal advice? Do you like laughing at the misfortune of others? If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, please take advantage of the new Kpopalypse free legal advice service!
![jiyeonlegalg]()
Things to know about Kpopalypse free legal advice:
![jiyeonlegal2]()
Without any further ado, let's get started with some enquiries from caonimas that I've helpfully paraphrased to protect the guilty (i.e you)!
![Qri_Cute350]()
![choa350]()
![yoochunwashere]()
Do you have questions for the Kpopalypse barristers and legal research team? If so, don't be shy to ask them, and don't worry - you'll be fine!
![jiyeonlegalfcopy]()
Are you prepared for such an eventuality? Could you use free legal advice? Do you like laughing at the misfortune of others? If you answered 'yes' to any of these questions, please take advantage of the new Kpopalypse free legal advice service!
Things to know about Kpopalypse free legal advice:
- Legal advice will be given to all those in need regardless of how much you don't deserve it.
- Advice requests can be submitted via Kpopalypse ask.fm, by leaving comments in this article, or via Raina-themed strippergram.
- Although the legal advice given is technically free, our legal research team is funded by your Patreon donations to Kpopalypse, so expect a similar quality of advice that you would get from an actual lawyer for the same amount of money as whatever I received in donations over the last month.
- And don't forget this important message, caonimas....
Without any further ado, let's get started with some enquiries from caonimas that I've helpfully paraphrased to protect the guilty (i.e you)!
Dear Kpopalypse,Don't worry! You'll be just fine. If you're an international k-pop fan, you've got nothing to worry about at all, just stay away from Korea where the law can touch you. This of course means you might have to stay in your home country away from your precious bias group, consider it righteous penance for being a dirty criminal, tsk tsk. If you're Korean however you may actually be fucked over a barrel by Boram with a strap-on, but there's still hope! In Korea, truth is not a defence against defamation, which means that it doesn't matter that you were a filthy liar about T-ara, MBK still may not win in a court case against you even if the facts are on their side (which they are). If all else fails, don't drop the soap!
I answered my mail today and I got a court summons! I read it and it was for some nasty comments that I left online on some dumb gossip article about how T-ara are all bullying bitches back in 2012 when it was trendy to hate them! I'm not a trend-following stupid little bitch anymore, I've since grown up and realised that T-ara are completely innocent and now promise to stan them forever, but how can I convince the court that I've changed my ways and am no longer a faggot bitch (in a musical sense)?
Yours sincerely,
A caonima in need
Dear Kpopalypse,I live in Korea and I'm upset because my ex-boyfriend doesn't pay any attention to me, he's too busy fapping to AOA videos. I thought that AOA being exposed as a bunch of stupid moles who don't know anything about history would make him hate them because he's in the military, but now he stans then more than ever! He can't even get it up for me unless I wear the same costumes that she wore in "Like A Cat" and "Good Luck". To get back at him, I not only dumped him but tore up all his pictures of Choa and now he's suing me for property damage as some of them were really expensive! How was I know that a picture of some common slutty tramp would actually be worth money? What can I do to stop my ex from taking legal action?Yours sincerely,Frustrated
Don't worry! You'll be just fine. Cut your hair into a shoulder-length bob, dye it blonde, and do your best Choa cosplay, then approach your ex with an out-of-court settlement biased heavily in your favour. Men can be talked into just about anything when their dicks are hard, so be appropriately convincing and favourable settlement conditions will soon be yours! Just make sure he doesn't jizz before signing any legal documents, or "fapper's remorse" may kick in and he may attempt to renegotiate the deal.
Dear Kpopalypse,Don't worry! You'll be just fine. You probably won't win the fight for your public image and you may even have to disband your group, but the likelihood of any long-term consequences or large financial payouts are low. Kpopalypse suggests that you photograph some dick pics and send them to the judge who is hearing your case, and make sure you do so from an angle that emphasises the curvature of your shaft. All Koreans know that a man with a curved penis can't rape women, so your innocence in the eyes of the court is all but assured. If you need some examples of penises with curvature to base your photographs on, try here.
I'm a person in the public eye as well as a ladies man who likes to play it a bit rough especially in the bathroom, but lately some of the dirty bitches that I've been fucking have accused me of rape! It's not my fault that I need the aroma of dried pee mixed with my ball-sweat to maintain a firm erection, but of course the conservative Korean media doesn't understand my fetish and are stereotyping me as a nasty sex criminal instead of the caring soul that I truly am (you believe me, right?). The girls clearly have seen an opportunity to cash in on my millions, and I'm countersuing those gold-diggers, but realistically, what are my odds of getting through this with my career intact?
Yours sincerely,
A JYJ fan (they're the best omg)
Do you have questions for the Kpopalypse barristers and legal research team? If so, don't be shy to ask them, and don't worry - you'll be fine!
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More Hyosung for Marie Claire
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TS Keep Fucking With Sonamoo
So the highlight medley for Sonamoo's new album came out, and I was all set to love this comeback until I realized that "Closer" wasn't going to be to be the title track but instead "I Like U Too Much."
Sigh.
I love that TS is willing to experiment with their artist however they always do this. They always start them off one way and then veer off in a completely new direction. Like how Secret started off with "Magic", "Madonna" ect... and building themselves up with a certain image before going cutesy with "Shy Boy". Similarly, BAP had a strong image going with "Warrior", "Power" and "No Mercy" before "Stop It" came out.
However, the reason why it worked was because those songs lived up to their contrasting counterparts. Songs like "Shy Boy" and "Feel So Good" are just as good as a song like "I'm In Love" and "One Shot." Sure "I Like U Too Much" sounds fine, however it's not nearly as title track worthy as "Closer."
Also TS Entertainment hyped Sonamoo to be BAP's sister group. BAP's signature is stuff like "Warrior" and all that they've had to show for a concept like that was "Deja Vu."
TS debuted Sonamoo at the worst time with their BAP law suite. They follow up with "Cushion" during the girl group summer craze, and while that song was great the lyrics winded up turning a lot of people off. And now they coming out with "I Like U Too Much" which will probably keep Sonamoo in nuguland forever. OR it will wind up surprisingly be a hit and they'll get their first all kill. I doubt that since Twice is all the rage these days and even fan-favorites like SISTAR are getting shit for being SISTAR.
All in all, I just hope I'm wrong and that "I Like U Too Much" will wind up sounding a whole lot better than it is currently sounding. Until then, I'll just enjoy High.D.
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All in all, I just hope I'm wrong and that "I Like U Too Much" will wind up sounding a whole lot better than it is currently sounding. Until then, I'll just enjoy High.D.
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The Kpopalypse 2016 super-objectification survey
Halfway through the year means it's time once again to rate k-pop ass and objectify k-pop idols! Click the Qri below to do the survey, unreconstructed gender-oppressing superficial caonimas!
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Touch My Body Special Collab on Music Bank
Momo's ass is just what I needed after working a few long nights out of town and having to drive several hours back home.
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The Wonder Girls To Come Back With a 1970s Concept
The Wonder Girl's went to the 1980s with "Reboot." Now it appears they're turning back the clock even farther to the 1970s with "Why So Lonely?"
They all look amazing.
While K-pop isn't one to shy away from retro concepts at all, the charm of it is that each group has their own way of putting their own spin on it, thus making it refreshing. However if there are two groups that always ace retro concepts, it would have to be WG and T-ara.
Many songs in K-pop that revolve around the 70s disco-funk era can be quite lukewarm, I feel the need to list some gems that I find quite enjoyable for this concept.
T-ara "Roly Poly"
No K-pop disco list would be complete without this.
Primary Feat. Lena Park - "Hello"
Very, very 70s.
Nine Muses - "Fiargo"
An upbeat funky number from one of K-pops best groups.
SHINee - "Married To The Music"
I raved about this previously. A+.
After School - "Heaven"
Most of AS's Japanese stuff is great, and this is no exception.
Park Ji Yoon - "Beep"
The concept is literally Soul Train. Can't get much more 70s than that.
It appears from WGs teasers than their spin on the 70s will be trippy and I'm all for that. Their music video for "I Feel You" was great and I feel like "Why So Lonely?" wont fall short of that.
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Hyomin for Cosmopolitan
Thank God I don't have to write shit.
(Expect non-shitposts from me when the Fourth of July weekend starts.)
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"Oppa's Fans Just Need Time To Heal!!!1111"
Kim Hyun Joongs ex was aquitted from all of her charges, proving even further that he's trash. While the comments on Netizenbuzz weren't even delusional in the least this time it's international fans onSoompi that served up a surprisingly stinking plate of stupidity.
This one particular stood out to me:
(I didn't blur the names in this one.)
"You're not UNDERSTANDING KHJ fans. This was VERY traumatic for them. They just need time is all!!!!!1111"
Look, I understand fans being in shock and all. And I might even understand where that comment is coming from...IF IT WERE MADE TWO FUCKING YEARS AGO.
The topic Kim Hyun Joong's abuse is absolutely nothing new. The shit dates back to 2014 and before. To excuse their behavior with bullshit such as "It's hard on them because they supported him before his case." Is unacceptable. They've had two fucking years to "heal" from the "painful truth" that their oppa isn't perfect and is in fact, very far from it. If they still want to defend him and blame his ex for everything, then that shows their mental problems. Not the people who were able to actually see the forest for the trees.
This is fucking pathetic. I hate when people take something serious that has nothing to do with them, and then make it about themselves, like how Brock Turner's parents wrote those embarrassing letters that exposed how disgustingly selfish they were, only this time it's with fans, "Yeah, yeah his ex is suffering but WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!?! I'm the one that has to live with the fact that someone I was a fan of might be a terrible person!!!"
Yes, finding out someone you admire is now a piece of shit is sad but you should never let your feelings tear down the person who was mostly affected by their actions nor should you let that warp your head into thinking that facts don't exist outside of what you think is right and wrong, because a lot of the time: you will be wrong.
In the end while that made be "hard" and "painful" it's nowhere near as "hard" as a rock hard fist and as "painful" as deep bruises left all over your body.
It's been two years, that's been more than enough time to "heal" or whatever.
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Brave Girls - High Heels
Brave Girls are back with another great song that everyone will ignore again!
Back in February, Brave Girls emerged from Brave Brothers' dungeon with "Deepened," which is one of the best songs of the year so far. Naturally, being a nugu group, they were ignored, which is a shame. "High Heels" does a lot of things right, with having a really catchy chorus with the "High, High Heels" complimented with the girls bending over. The only problem I have with the song is the return of random raps thrown in throughout the song. Why go back to a shitty formula like that?
The girls are pretty hot. The girl at the car shop is my favorite, but the baseball player chick has some great thighs.
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[MV Review] SISTAR – “I Like That”
[AKF: Welcome AKF42's newest member, kalliope!]
Like clockwork, SISTAR is back with another summer comeback/opportunity for them all to vigorously shake their asses at a camera. Fortunately, even a broken clock (see: the extremely unlistenable Shake It, the fairly unlistenable but mercifully body-roll-heavy My Boy) is right twice a day. And I Like That is one of those times.
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| Who could have predicted this choreo?!?! |
A departure from the super happy summer fare they’ve been cranking out for the past couple of years, I Like That is a return to the dark, dramatic textures they used to such excellent effect in Alone. Despite the change from major to minor, though, the production here is extremely standard SISTAR fare: you’ve got some mildly interesting horns, a heck of a lot of percussion, and Hyorin belting constantly. The thing about SISTAR is that they crank the production up as loud and as heavy as Hyorin can handle (which is very, very loud and very, very heavy) but that sometimes ends up drowning out the weaker voices in the group. As per usual, Soyou is decent, Dasom is a non-event and Bora is bad at rapping but good at being pretty. But despite the mixed bag of vocalists and the subpar rapping, I Like That is eminently listenable thanks to the solid hook and nifty rhythmic trick at the end of the chorus. The horn line is employed with enough tact that it manages to avoid annoying the crap out of listeners, and the production backs off enough to really let Hyorin shine (which is the only reason anyone listens to SISTAR songs anyway).
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| You can close those curtains, Dasom, nobody wants to see you |
As for the video, it’s a pretty standard dance-in-the-box sexy concept. There’s a gesture in the direction of a storyline featuring Dasom, the least interesting person in the group and possibly the world, but otherwise it’s just a tableau of SISTAR-standard ass-shaking, bed-splaying, longing gazes into the camera, etc. They play with some fabric, Bora looks surprisingly sexy with short hair (which she cuts in the middle of the video for … reasons) and blue contacts, Soyou rolls around on some rose petals for like thirty milliseconds and then basically never appears again, the girls wear some extremely regrettable nude illusion bodysuits, Hyorin has boobs and we are thankful for it, Dasom does not have boobs but pretends really hard like she does and we are still pretty thankful for it. Everybody has tattoos, if you’re into that.
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| The only thing Soyou does in this video is lie down. I feel you, girl |
This sure as hell isn’t SISTAR’s best work, but it also isn’t their worst. I could do without Bora rapping and the entire bridge section of the song, but everyone looks at least somewhat hot in the video (Bora, you’re the real MVP), the percussion and horn lines are standard kpop fare but a good time nonetheless, and Hyorin can still belt it. 3.5/5, would listen again.
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