It's well-documented (by me) that I'm not much of a fan of writing song reviews. However, song reviews are also something that readers really like, and I always get bombarded with lots of requests to do them, so I try to do my best to cater to popular demand.
![eunsongr]()
The last time I decided to review songs I wrote a Haiku review post, and looking back on it now, a thought occurred to me: Haiku is way too long. Who's got time to read all those syllables just to find out what someone thinks? Certainly not the average k-pop listener - isn't our short attention span and need for instant gratification part of the reason why we like k-pop in the first place?
Therefore, to satisfy the thirst for endless song reviews in the most appropriate manner possible, I asked for submissions via my ask.fm for songs that readers wanted me to review and got a bunch of responses, and now I'm going to review each one... in only five words! You'll be hard-pressed to find any k-pop song reviews on the Internet more thoughtless and tossed-off than these! Enjoy (or bitch, your choice)!
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![eunsle]()
The last time I decided to review songs I wrote a Haiku review post, and looking back on it now, a thought occurred to me: Haiku is way too long. Who's got time to read all those syllables just to find out what someone thinks? Certainly not the average k-pop listener - isn't our short attention span and need for instant gratification part of the reason why we like k-pop in the first place?
Therefore, to satisfy the thirst for endless song reviews in the most appropriate manner possible, I asked for submissions via my ask.fm for songs that readers wanted me to review and got a bunch of responses, and now I'm going to review each one... in only five words! You'll be hard-pressed to find any k-pop song reviews on the Internet more thoughtless and tossed-off than these! Enjoy (or bitch, your choice)!
KPOPALYPSE'S FIVE WORD SONG REVIEWS FOR K-POP FANS WITH ULTRA-SHORT ATTENTION SPANS!
Back when 4Minute were good
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Even worse than T-ara's "Yayaya"
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Ear grating J-pop by numbers
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Bravesound actually putting effort in
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Pink Tape does not suck
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Think of the furniture, please
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Satyricon's "Mother North" goes k-pop
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Tank just missed her, damn
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Stop playing with your truncheon
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More guitar, less singing please
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Sorry can't write review, fapping
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Only an intro, too short
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K-pop blues trend must die
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Y u no feature track
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"Sohee's stalker fuck off" anthem
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Better than their Korean features
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Nice beat but meh song
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Shindong losing pounds via dubstep
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Good song cao ni ma
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T-ara's "Lies" at double speed
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KARA's Pandora at half speed
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Vocal harmonies make me ill
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Better than Jamiroquai's worthless trash
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Guy, you're in the way
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Love the way you copy
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Raina fap fap fap fap
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Good elevator or hold music
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Not a single, good decision
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Kraftwerk plus Raina equals fap
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Not as wonderful as promised
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Sorry Martina this song stinks
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Aren't we sick of this?
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Melting my brain with boredom
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Sorry readers I'm still fapping
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Boob exposure meets required standards
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Some boring generic R&B trash
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Stay away from trot, eww
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Let's cry for Akisame's ears
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Songwriter sure could use caffeine
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Better than Growl, what isn't
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Stick to modelling swimwear, girls
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Weird but somehow it works
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BoA without dancing equals fail
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Crazy Korean netizen theme song
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No metal means no likey
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Concept surprisingly good, song laughable
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Laughable concept, song surprisingly good
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E-TRIBE fluke a good song
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Should have kept this concept
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Butt dance improves good song
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Great song, shit costume design
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Editing too fast to fap
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Ripping off Madness sounds good
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Before shithead netizens ruined everything
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As good as EXO get
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As bad as EXO get
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Just before 4Minute started sucking
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B2ST album track doesn't suck
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Park Shin Hye? Can fap
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Average without SM's songwriting team
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Song title tells no lies
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That breakdown is a "shockurrrr"
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Better than YG's swag failures
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Delight really needs more comebacks
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No really, they fucking do
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Best nine girl k-pop group
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Sweetune keep on not sucking
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Way better than "First Love"
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The only nine that matters
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Great production saves average song
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Lazy filler track, quite boring
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This is better than "Hue"
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Awkward dancing, song's solid though
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Better hope that DNA sells
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Does subunit DNA cost less?
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Song title - a good suggestion
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Please buy my U-KISS albums
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Seriously, it's cheaper than DNA
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Really good, release more stuff
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IU doesn't suit moody orchestration
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Best album in k-pop seriously
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Dull song but nice video
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Do I have a choice?
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Slightly above average boring ballad
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No "Shake" but it'll do
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Better than their goddamn singles
