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DMTN's Daniel is Korea's Snoop Dogg

March 12, 2013, 8:08 pm
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If you haven't heard by now, DMTN (the group formerly known as Dalmatian)'s Daniel has been arrested under charges of selling marijuana. Oh shit, right?

We all thought that kind of thing was reserved for those crazy hedonists over at YG, so for a minor group like DMTN to be embroiled in a marijuana scandal of this severity only means one thing: time for the AKF investigative team to go to work.

First of all, let's figure out exactly what the poor lad is being charged of.
DMTN‘s Daniel has denied smoking marijuana, but he has admitted to aiding in distribution.
Daniel had been summoned to the police to be investigated on suspicions of smoking and distributing marijuana. His label released an official statement on the 12th, stating, “Daniel was investigated by the police and prosecutors on the 9th,” and revealed that he was being charged with distributing and introducing marijuana.
The label confirmed that he had not smoked it himself, revealing, “At first, the prosecutors suspected him of smoking it himself and ran a drug test on his hair and urine. However, all his tests came back negative. He was acquitted on the charge that he smoked marijuana, and was investigated for the other charges.”
The agency also apologized for his actions, saying, “Daniel immaturely and thoughtlessly believed that as long as he did not smoke himself, it wasn’t a big crime, and that’s what led to this incident.” They also stated that he admitted to the charges and was complying actively with the police and prosecutors’ investigations. The label added, “He’s currently deeply reflecting on his actions. He feels guilty that he acted rashly and committed such a big crime.”
“Daniel has not received a court sentence yet, but he does not want to make excuses for his mistakes. He wants to pay the consequences under the law, and the staff is supportive of his decision. We plan to help him mature as a member of society in the future.”
Update: Daniel did not “sell” marijuana but rather is described as a intermediary.
Oh okay. So Daniel didn't smoke a single bit of his product, which is shocking in and of itself (LBR), but instead thought that selling weed wasn't illegal at all. Let's all take a quick water break while we wait for ourselves to stop laughing so hard.


Come on man, whoever's on the PR team for DMTN has got to be smoking a j or two themselves. No one in their sane minds would buy "I didn't know it was illegal to sell weed" as a legitimate excuse, it just makes Daniel look retarded and it makes the label look retarded.

As you might have guessed, netizen reaction was generally of like mind:
1. [+273, -13] Selling and introduction ㅋㅋㅋ What does he think, he's 1 or 2 years old? How in the world could he not have thought that was a crime? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

2. [+226, -11] ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ There can't be an idiot more idiotic than him ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

3. [+188, -12] Reflection is not enough for celebrities with marijuana issues ㅡㅡ 

4. [+17, -3] ㅋㅋㅋ Is he kidding right now? ㅋㅋㅋ What a complete ba$tard

5. [+23, -8] GD: Welcome, this is your first time here, right?

6. [+14, -2] People who sell marijuana normally don't smoke it themselves... They know it's bad but they also know there's a lot of money involved. But guys who sell are worse than those who smoke it! 
"Is he an idiot? It'd make more sense for him to just say that he smoked it out of curiosity ㅋㅋ But introducing sellers?? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ"
"Bury him."
"Selling is worse than smoking because you're ruining the lives of others. It will be difficult for him to be forgiven. It's just upsetting because we know how long it took for him to train and finally debut and go through an unknown period..." 
"I bet there are a lot of people shaking in their boots right now... There's gotta be a provider and a consumer for Daniel to have hooked them up." 
"This is worse... At least if he's smoking it, he's ruining his own body.. but introducing sellers to others? I bet their names will be released soon..."
"Selling is a bigger crime than smoking so what is he talking about ㅋㅋ He didn't think it'd be a crime? What an excuse ㅋㅋㅋ" 
"G-Dragon: I didn't know it was marijuana."   
1. [+177, -2] So he didn't smoke it but he hooked up sellers... That's a bigger crime than smoking marijuana. What an idiot... 
2. [+143, -11] I thought it was the actor Choi Daniel for a second. He should apologize to him.  
3. [+122, -5] Just like the pimps are worse than the actual act of selling your body, selling marijuana is worse than the actual act of smoking. Kids like him call themselves celebrities... what will our youth grow up learning? Seeing as how his name is Daniel, he must be trash that came from overseas 
4. [+112, -1] So he's saying he's not a criminal because he didn't smoke it? Is he stupid? Doesn't he realize what he committed is a bigger crime? 
5. [+112, -7] No, but really, who is he?
But of course, this is also the part where his white knights come charging to the rescue too. Some of the more common arguments I'm seeing on the webs:

  • "OPPA DIDN'T ACTUALLY SMOKE, HE JUST SOLD." -- ...
  • "OPPA DIDN'T ACTUALLY SELL, HE WAS JUST THE MIDDLEMAN." -- Well, if you didn't know how these drug rings work, the middleman is the one doing the actual dirty work of drug distribution. The dealer (aka the supplier) distributes the weed to the middlemen who basically act like traveling salesmen. They carry the product from the dealers to the consumers' hands. Of course, we don't know exactly what Daniel's role in all this was, but initial reports indicate that he either introduced buyers to other middlemen or sold it himself. Either way, he's inextricably linked to the drug ring. If you'd like to call it that.
  • "OPPA'S SORRY, HE'S DOING THE RIGHT THING NOW." -- Do you think he would have stopped selling/being a part of this drug ring if he DIDN'T get caught?
  • "OPPA'S BROKE, HE WAS TRYING TO MAKE SOME EXTRA MONEY ON THE SIDE." -- Let's all just forgive everyone who breaks the law because of some sob story the fans have concocted to excuse their actions, shall we? Even if he was really broke as shit, I'm sure there's other things he could have done to put food on the table. Like a part-time job, maybe?
At any rate, investigations are still being conducted as of this writing, so who knows? Maybe he'll be smacked with a harder sentence, maybe not. I think the evidence we've uncovered will speak for itself.





No need for thanks, we're just doing the right thing.
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Little Psy, big pimpin'

March 13, 2013, 4:30 am
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Today, I made a terrible decision. I watched the Little Psy music video (Oh, you were unaware that was a thing? Well aren't you a lucky fuck.).

But seriously, that kid from "Gangnam Style" made a video. I feel ashamed to say I watched it out of sheer curiosity/hatred for myself. By the 1:15 mark, I desperately wanted to turn it off but told myself not to, so I could more accurately write this post. The sacrifices I make for you people ...



I feel like a bad person for even bringing attention to this.
That's what they want to happen.


This probably is the worst thing I've seen in kpop.



There are so many things wrong with this ... I don't really want to call it a music video anymore ... I'm having a tough time picking a place to begin.

To make things easier, I'm just going to start listing shit:

1) The kid known for nothing else than dancing for a few seconds in "Gangnam Style" is singing.
2) Singing isn't an accurate description for this sound, though ...
3) The thing takes place at a club.
4) The lyrics are inappropriate.
5) Much of the dance is too.
6) Song includes unnecessary rap (For fuck's sake, even this needed a rap? Is there no mercy in this world?).
7) Unnecessary rapper is so bad that at the end, the volume of her (or his? don't know, don't care) voice is so low, Little Psy's screeching completely drowns her/him out.
8) I counted six references to "Gangnam Style." That number might be off, but ain't no way I'm watching the video again to verify.




Basically, this video is everything that's wrong with the world and the kpop industry in particular.

To make things clear: That's not the kid's fault. If I was 8 and someone offered to let me make a music video, I'd surely have done so (though mine probably would have been country so I could have worn my pink cowgirl hat). But see, that's the problem: 8-year-olds should not be making decisions, because they are too young. They're also too young to be starring in music videos.

The problem lies with parents who sell their children out like this and with music execs who think this is a good idea, or at the very least, a profitable idea. And with me, for bringing more attention to it.

For my part in this, I am sorry, but I had to point out the utter ridiculousness of the situation and the shittiness of the song. Going into this, my expectations were Earth's-core-level low, and I was still surprised at how bad it was. This song made "MAXSTEP" and J.J. Project's "Bounce" sound good.


Fuckin' poetry in comparison


To sum things up: What remained of my faith in humanity has gone. Left behind are a deep sadness and a loud ringing in my ears.
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Stop Taking Kpop So Seriously

March 14, 2013, 6:32 am
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Here's an essay from Kpop Secrets about a person taking Kpop way too seriously.

Don't become like this fan






While being in the KPOP fandom, I never truly felt good about myself. Actually, I used to be very introvert and shy (still am, but less). I don’t make friends that easily and I can lose them quickly.


Okay, the first problem with this essay that I have is that this fan is trying to demonize herself. Being an introvert isn't bad. Not wanting to hear people talk about stupid shit all the time isn't bad. This fan is trying to turn a trait that she thinks is bad and trying to compare it to the "perfectionism" of idols. It simple doesn't work. The two are unrelated.

Sometimes I would see the bond between the members and the interactions between groups and ask myself “Why can’t I make friends?” I would wonder “Why am I not pretty like her? Why can’t my skin be this flawless? Why can’t I wear designer clothes and look good in everything?” Because KPOP idols always strive for perfection, I was scared of being who I really am. I knew I would never be as good as them. I’m not blaming them for the fact that I can’t express my feelings but it’s not like they helped me overcome the fear of being criticized for saying my opinion (And it’s not like the fans helped either).


Yes, you are blaming Kpop for your introversion. At this point, I wouldn't even call it introversion. Introversion means that a person prefers to be alone and have a lot of alone time, as opposed to extroversion, where the person wants to be around others as much as possible. For example, I'm an introvert, I prefer having a lot of alone time, but that doesn't hurt me when making new friends. Being shy =/= introversion. This fangirl is trying to blame her problems on Kpop.

There were hardly any KPOP idol songs in which I could relate to, love songs were not what I needed. Perhaps now that I lost interest in KPOP there are idols making songs about society and life. Perhaps idols that made songs about dreams and hope always existed but they were overshadowed by music with repetitive lyrics that made no sense. Perhaps it was simply my fault for not trying to look for those songs.


I can't take this seriously. If you can't even understand Korean, I don't see how a song could change your life anyway. If you want a song to change your life, mainstream pop isn't the way to go.

Why did I stop being a fan of KPOP? I’m just going to say that they didn’t really help me learn lessons that I could use in my life. They were entertaining yes, but not to the point to have them as my role models or to worship them.


But you did worship your oppars and unnirs and are now blaming your troubles upon them. I don't understand this mindset at all. Idols aren't meant to be role models insomuch as they are entertainers. They want you to buy their shit and that's it. Stop treating Kpop as a religion.

I know some people like KPOP simply for the entertainment, to lock themselves from the real world or the release stress. Or just to fantasize about good-looking people they can’t have and it’s good if this is what they need and they feel better about themselves (but please, know your limits and when to stop). I’m not saying that everyone should stop listening to KPOP and go listen to music with lyrics that make you cry and reflect on life.


Well sorry that I only listen to Kpop for catchy music and hot girls. Sorry that I don't blame the fact that it's hard to find a job right now on Kpop. Sorry that I don't blame Kpop for hating working in groups for school projects. Oh wait, I'm not sorry, because Kpop isn't the problem.

Stop blaming your troubles on Kpop.
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Xia

March 14, 2013, 7:39 pm
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This shit speaks for itself.

As usual, thanks to klogg @ fiddle.se.
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Fangirls are Truly Truly Truly Embarrassing

March 14, 2013, 9:36 pm
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North Korea recently dissolved their armistice with South Korea, alarming governments all over the world. We could very well have a reignition of war on the Korean peninsula, but sadly, that could be the last thing on the minds of certain insane fangirls.
With North Korea's threat of war looming over the country, 112 is receiving an explosive number of calls asking what will happen in the event of a war.

On March 14th, the Kyungnam Police revealed that they have been receiving an influx of calls and texts from the 11th through the 13th since North Korea declared the 1953 armistice invalid. They've received a total of 800 texts in total thus far. 

The questions range from innocent inquiries like "Is North Korea stronger or is America stronger?" and "Where will North Korea shoot their nuclear weapons?" to pranks like "Will I be drafted as a student soldier in the event of a war?" and "Is our country screwed if we go into war?"

Most noted, however, are questions from teens and elementary/junior high school students who are calling by asking for a certain celebrity to be saved. "Please save our INFINITE oppas first if we go into war."

A representative said, "We've been receiving 300-400 calls a day and we're afraid that it's going to interfere with our work. We're trying to calm everyone but students are spreading groundless rumors that are causing more unrest. The schools need to talk with them about this."

South Korea is practically on the brink of war with North Korea and the first thing on anyone's mind is "OH GOD, NOT THE INFINITE/SHINEE/SUJU/BIG BANG/EXO/2PM/ETC OPPAS" ? And you ask why we rag on fangirls so much.

EDIT: It gets better. Apparently, crazy Inspirits had been calling so much, the police stations began to bitch at Woollim Entertainment to do something about it. This in turn leads us to a tweet from Woollim Entertainment pleading for the fans to shut the fuck up and stop bothering the police.

Translation: Ayo Inspirits, we're gonna need you to calm your fucking titties. Pull shit like this again and we're postponing Infinite's comeback 'til you behave.
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Girl's Day manager secretly removes dating ban

March 16, 2013, 7:46 am
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You might remember that not too long ago Minah begged their manager to remove their dating ban after getting gold in the Idol Olympics high jump. Well, our inside sources have confirmed that her request was honored, but getting the word out can be a little tricky.

If you make a public announcement, then you start losing male fans and draw attention for people to publicize and scrutinize your private relationships. So to keep it on the DL but still get the word out, their manager helped them find ways to drop hints that fellow idols are used to spotting by putting them right in the choreography of their new song.

Sojin decided to take a kpop classic and add an extra gesture to make it clear.

Now open for business. Come hither.
Minah appeared to have already made arrangements with a specific someone.

여보세요~
As for Hyeri and Yura... well, they were rather straightforward.


Props to their manager for letting them live a little rather than throw away their youth being slaves to archaic and cruel rules for no reason but to indulge the delusional fantasies of misogynistic males who want women to be sexy yet count them actually having sex (unless it's with them) as an impurity. Perhaps the decision was made because their manager is a woman (damn, she looks like Sohee/Sohyun) but either way, it's good to see they are free and were able to get the message out before MOGEF censors the fuck out (literally) of their choreo.

Thanks again to fiddle.se for the gifs.
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[WTF IS THIS] Tightest Pussies In Kpop Girl Groups Tournament

March 17, 2013, 6:42 am
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SNSD + m-flo's Taku Takahashi

March 17, 2013, 4:09 pm
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If you've been living under a rock, then yes, you wouldn't know that I'm a huge m-flo fan. If you've been living under a rock, then yes, you wouldn't know that I have disliked every SNSD release since I started this blog except for Mr. Taxi. My former favorite Korean girl group and the DJ from my favorite Japanese group teaming up...






Taku made me a fan of 2NE1's Scream and I honestly haven't liked anything 2NE1 has released since I Don't Care.

There's finally something worth listening to from SNSD again.



Sharing this song just because I can. Basically, this song got me into Kpop, because this was the first song where I really became a fan of BoA.
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Crayon Pop's Way was a gang leader in school

March 17, 2013, 6:53 pm
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Way recently revealed on the MBC show Quiz to Change the World that in school she was a stone cold thug that didn't put up with no shit! She detailed one of her many infamous exploits for which none were brave enough to convict her. Apparently some RATCHET ASS HO had pulled up to the wrong fuel pump, if you know what I mean, and STOLEN HER HOMEGIRL'S MAN! What else could a hard bitch like Way do? She had no choice but to ROLL UP ON DAT HO WITH ONE FUCKING HUNDRED HOMIES to deliver a beatdown she'd be lucky to live through let alone ever walk anywhere again to tell about it.

Serious fans will remember that some time ago Crayon Pop got a little nostalgic about these cherished memories of predebut life in one of their Crayon Pop TV episodes and reenacted the swag-ass approach. Watch here if you're street enough to not piss yourself at the sight.
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"Allkshit"

March 18, 2013, 3:49 pm
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This is why I started Anti Kpop-Fangirl.


HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. *wipes tears* I continuously laughed for the first 12 minutes of this video. This fangirl spews so much bullshit that I couldn't contain my laughter.

The first flaw of her argument is that "weed isn't a big deal" in the United States. Uh, it is. There's a reason why it's illegal. This isn't Amsterdam. You can go to jail because of marijuana in the U.S. Maybe this girl smoked a few too many doobies and killed the brain cells that contained the knowledge that marijuana is still a big deal in the U.S.

The second flaw in her argument is that allkpop is out to destroy groups and they make shit up. Wrong. I'm far from being the biggest fan of allkpop, but they don't make shit up. LOOK AT THE FUCKING SOURCES. They TRANSLATE articles from Korean entertainment sites. allkpop has a lot more translations compared to editorials. Just because you don't like what allkpop translates, it doesn't mean they make shit up. I can verify myself that they translate the articles just by comparing the original Korean article and allkpop's article.

She mentions that allkpop is out to destroy groups. No, they're out to make money, and translating articles such as these attracts views. WHy do you think they had 93750347503 T-ara articles in the span of three days when Hwayoung was booted out of the group? $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.

Lastly, she threatened to kick anyone's ass who makes fun of Daniel/DMTN. I guess everyone at AKF should line up to get their virtual asses kicked. I mean, come on, threatening people over trolling? This bitch takes Kpop too seriously.
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Girl's Day---Expecting MV Review

March 18, 2013, 7:06 pm
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Girl's Day Expecting MV review as reviewed by:

Antikpopfangirl more like AntikpopfanSHIT amirite?


Hi, Samantha here!

I found this fucking website today! And now I'm fucking pissed. Antikpopfangirl. You're a fucking bitch ok. You make fun of me, you make fun of Kpop. You like ALLKSHIT--You are a stupid bitch and if I ever meet you I'm going to beat your fucking ass hard into the ground like the little Korean nugget you are. Antikpopfanshit is the stupidest fucking website ever filled with nothing but trolls and mama's boys who jerk off to Narsha and AKB48 swimsuit pics.

I am going to call the fucking police on you right now for harrassment and weed and shit.

I'M GONNA FUCK YOU WITH MY DOG'S DICK IF I EVER MEET ANY OF YOU ON THE STREET.

I'm going to handjob your little sisters and rape your little brother's brown holes with a swollen carrot.

However, Before I do that THOUGH (SIGH)! Let's talk about "Expecting" by Girl's Day!

Or as I call them..

WHORE'S DAY
acting like an attention whore here

I'm gonna break it down to you why Girl's Day Expecting video is a piece of shit!



1. Disgusting and Demeaning to Womens:

Why would anyone want to see women doing this? Look they barely have asses! Lol seriously my sister who is in Kindergarten has a better ass--my uncle agrees with me.What the fuck kind of asses are these? Looks like someone got a ballon...popped it...tried  fucking it... reinflated it...and now this is what you got. Flat ass!!!!!!. LOL...no men in compton would ever. REPEAT EVER! try to fuck those sad pathetic excuses for asses! LOL asian bitches shakin' what they don't have. Just go and show your fucking legs whores...it's all you got. NO TITS EITHER! Seriously all you asian girls do is show LEGS...da fuck is this 1834 A.D. up in this bitch!
LOL...She's trying to slide her finger in her ass crack to finger fuck it but bitch has no ass crack to even finger fuck. U girls have no idea what an ass is.

THIS IS AN ASS:
feast your eyes on this, gurlz!
A real ass! OMG NIGGAZ!

Here's another examples of someone being a whore in this group:
Obviously telling her OPPA to squirt his load all over her inner mouth. Also, the fruit looks old.
Shirt is too short! Belly is showing! WHORE!
muhahah there's that flat booty again. Watch out girls...you give a nigga a heart attack

oh wow...you can run your fingers up and down a red strap. SO NOT FUCKING SEXY. Also, bitch on the right looks pregnant
HYERI IS A FAT WHORE
Mouth open...wants jizz. WHORE!

MOUTH CLOSED---playing hard to get but obviously her eyes say she wants jizz. WHORE

So let's talk about the song. 
It's horrible!

 Sounds like a bad RANIA song. inb4 you say RANIA is bad!

Nothing catchy about it. YURA's rap is laughable. Live performance was atrocious. Don't believe me watch this, bitch.

  

Overall a crap song a crap group and THIS IS A CRAP website.

Fuck you!


And one more thing: HATERS GONNA HATE 


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Onew Raw and Uncut

March 18, 2013, 8:33 pm
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My boy Onew is a real man. When he gets mad at his bitches, he fuckin' tells them wassup. He don't take no shit from no bitch.

This right here is Onew displaying his displeasure at some perceived slight from Younha Jonghyun on MBC Radio. Bitch prolly tried jockin' he steez, or tell another goddamn chicken joke. At any rate, this shit is a LIVE broadcast, which increases the level of swag he has. Ain't nothin' gonna stop Onew from doin' Onew, naw mean?

Here's a gif so you can know for sure this ain't no freak screencap or manipulation.


Oppa definitely meant it. #swag
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[MV Review] Kara - Bye Bye Happy Days

March 19, 2013, 2:35 pm
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Just as with my review of Speed Up, this review will be more of a studious review of the meaning behind the MV. If you're used to kpop MVs you are probably familiar with love stories, be they about falling in love or being betrayed. If you come to this MV with such a mindset you will be very confused, so I have decided to help.



The MV starts with the girls finding an old box they left locked away, and it is filled with various items. What is clear from the fact they locked it away is that the items have value to them only in what they represent. So whenever they boxed them up, they meant very little to them in terms of immediate use as the items they were. So what was their meaning? To find the answer we have to go back in time.


We start with a flashback of Seungyeon having been stuffed in a locker. We all know what this means, it means she's a fucking loser and so other students bullied her. And since the other members were getting her out of the locker, it means they are her fucking loser friends. That is why they are having a birthday party alone with each other at school. Talk about a bunch of nerds.

omfg she is impossibly cute
This may be confusing to some of you since they are obviously all super babes, and babes are usually popular. Well you see this is a Japanese MV, so it is using some concepts from Japanese anime, the primary one being Generic Cuteness, meaning that when everyone is attractive how do you know who is "the ugly one"? Who is the loser? Simply by telling you through context. So in this MV Kara are losers because they said so. I mean, just look at this.

They only party alone in real life because they're idols.
Now during this party we see that they realize they are all losers and have made a special plan. The party helped Seungyeon feel like a princess, but it wasn't complete. A princess has two things going for her that they don't. First of all, a princess is desirable. Secondly, a princess doesn't hang out with losers. So obviously, what they have to do is make a guy fall in love with them. That way they are all desirable, and that way none of them are losers, and thus all princesses.


Target: This poor asshole. He did nothing wrong, he was simply the only guy in town who would give them the time of day. Now because this is also a criticism of sasaeng fans, the girls don't give a shit about each finding their own individual guy, nor do they care about actually connecting with him like human beings. Rather, their goal is to have him extend a generally affectionate gesture to them one by one, and that will affirm to them that they are worthwhile human beings. How does it go?

Jing wrote a letter to sway him.
Gyuri pretended she was waiting for him.
Nicole faked an injury to get private dance lessons and let her body seduce him.
Hara kissed him as they took what was supposed to just be a friendly picture.
[Note: Seungyeon already felt desirable because my love for her transcends all potential and conceptual realities through space and time.]

One by one, when facing reality, they know it's wrong, feel guilty, and are reluctant and/or freeze up. This is probably confused for romantic shyness by most viewers, but I assure you that this is what is really going on. You can tell because the others are always pushing the one whose turn it is, and especially since after they have each attained proof of their prize, they all have a good laugh at his expense... even right in front of him. He was kind and gave them gifts, and they simply don't give a shit about him.


So at the end they have all gotten the affirmation (in their minds) of their sexual desirability they were looking for and drop him like a used tampon. They are happily together at the end, without him, convinced that they are all hot bitches when in reality all they did was abuse the pity of a kind person to feed their vanity. And of course all of this was a series of flashbacks they are happily looking back upon, using that one instance to validate their existence for years to come.

They immediately locked the box of his gifts here.
So despite the super cute styling, this was actually a fairly dark and piercing criticism of how crazed fangirls choose to live. I don't think I've seen any other group even begin to approach the topic, let alone so comprehensively hit so close to home. Kara are obviously doing what they can to be real artists and social critics, even if they are more misunderstood than Psy was with Gangnam Style. For that, I rate this MV 5 Princess Hammies out of 5.

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Jiyoung double tasking during a performance

March 19, 2013, 6:08 pm
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"Haters Gonna Hate"

March 19, 2013, 7:35 pm
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Suzy finally meets up with Ian

March 21, 2013, 10:09 am
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nnggg, yes ian, just like that
After months of talking about it on variety shows and flirting on twitter, it would seem that Suzy finally took Ian for a ride in her van of love. They found a nice quiet spot in the woods, he demonstrated how to pitch a tent, and she taught him what she knows about having a pleasurable stay in the bush. Camping isn't always easy, but it would seem that even though she is overworked, she wanted to get worked even harder. She said in her tweet "Yes, sometimes you need to get your blood circulating" and I'm sure Ian was good assistance in all the pumping her blood needed. Rumor has it that JYP sponsored the little trip to help her get a real, tangible feel for Miss A's upcoming concept.
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Is Hong Soo Ah Park Bom 2.0?

March 23, 2013, 12:24 pm
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So I was on Soompi and saw this article about Hong Soo Ah denying plastic surgery rumors.


Back in 2010 and 2011, I became a fan of Hong Soo Ah's while watching Heroes. Seeing her look like this now is pretty painful. I mean, I wrote an article back in AKF's infant days where I wrote that I wanted to tittyfuck her. Now even a paper bag wouldn't suffice because now I think of her as Bom 2.0. Yes, Hong Soo Ah's PS isn't as bad as Bom's, but just like Bom, she looks way worse now. On one hand, at least she doesn't look like Michael Myers. On the other hand, she looks like she's 45 now.
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Today's News in 5 Minutes #3

March 23, 2013, 12:53 pm
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Another edition of today's news in 5 minutes is back. This time, I'll be using articles from Newsen because a lot of useless articles go untranslated. Some of these are a couple of weeks old.

#1 The first one is Seohyun in a classroom.


#2 T-ara teaching a Japanese staff member some Korean.


 Normally Korean netizens would be opposing anything that T-ara does, but bullying a Japanese person into learning the glorious language of the Han people trumps any feelings of contempt that netziens have for T-ara.


 #3 G.NA lost 5kg, does her body look better?


Now that I've covered her face, it will be easier for people to decide.

#4 Taeyeon releases a bad selca

 

#5 Nicole has better abs than your oppas

 




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UMG Blocks KPop Videos, People Lose Their Shit

March 23, 2013, 11:07 pm
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Today I logged onto my Twitter account (shameless plug @zakubot) and was puzzled to see people agitated over the blocking of music videos on Youtube. Looking for myself, I found out that UMG (aka Universal Music Group) had blocked some KPop music videos from CUBE Entertainment on the grounds of copyright infringement.

Normal enough, but the kicker was that these blocked videos were all from the official artists' pages. The plot thickens when you remember that UMG Korea distributes CUBE's music. DUN DUN DUUUUUUUN....

MTE, Jiyoon.
Once you get to the bottom of it however, it's not as bad as some people are making it out to be. As of this writing, only 4Minute's Volume Up, GNA's 2Hot, Troublemaker, some B2ST MVs (don't really care bout them so I didn't check), and some BTOB (REALLY don't care about them) MVs were hit. The majority of their catalogs are intact so it's not the end of the world for CUBE stans, let alone KPop stans in general.

But this is the KPop fandom we're talking about, so this was naturally blown way way waaaaaaaaaay out of proportion by Twitter, Tumblr, and KPop forums. This is the tweet I was talking about when I logged onto Twitter.


Ok. Exaggeration was a bit of an understatement. If there was ever a need for a word for something more exaggerated than an exaggeration, I would use it here. I don't think I need to tell you exactly what is wrong with the whole rallying cry poster, so let's just all laugh at the ludicrous claim that UMG is racist for blocking KPop videos. Or that UMG wants to allegedly keep KPop for Koreans. Or that the success of KPop is only because of international fans. Or that without international attention, KPop is only liked by a small number of Koreans.

It gets better. "UMG" happens to be trending on Twitter right now, and the response to this alleged persecution of the KPop stan is quite frankly disgusting. I'd screencap and post some of it, but it's better if you see for yourself.

EDIT: Not even Wikipedia is safe. Seriously people. This actually happened, check the editing history for yourself. l0l

Click to EXPAND
These people are acting like it's the end of the world, but quite frankly it's hard to muster up sympathy if you consider what Japanese music fans have had to put up with for ages. You can't even upload (for example) an Amuro Namie PV without it getting taken down an hour later these days. KPoppers have had it so much easier.


At any rate, no one seems to be making an official statement on what's going on. Nope, not even Allkpop or Soompi. Suck our dicks, AKF brings the real breaking news and shit. We'll keep ya posted.
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G-Dragon's cunty hat and why you shouldn't be a little bitch about it.

March 24, 2013, 7:02 am
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So I saw the thread on Netizenbuzz about G-Dragon's hat with the word "cunt" on it.






This picture is actually several months old, and I've seen it before, so I have no idea why it's being brought up in Korean media right now all of a sudden.  It's a fucking stupid photo, G-Dragon looks like a tool (when does he not, let's be honest here folks, sure he's creative and talented but he's such a weedy looking dude and without his involvement in k-pop nobody would look at the guy twice except to sweep a driveway or something), but it's also done fairly tongue-in-cheek.  I bet you have gone into a store, seen a fucking stupid hat that you wouldn't wear in a million years, and tried it on while someone took a dumbass photo of you - that's obviously what this is.

Of course, Korean netizens are crying about it like it's their business and they are OH SO SRS as per:

1. [+107, -14] Can he please check the words on his clothing before he wears them? I can't even imagine how tough his fangirls have it

2. [+108, -10] GD, please think before you wear things. How many times have you been on the chopping block for things like this?

And western netizens are no better, here's part of the wonderful chat I had with the good people who comment on Netizenbuzz, where everyone strains themselves to be as much like Korean netizens as possible in the hope that one day their dreams will come true and they'll wake up Korean:





The video I linked, I recommend you all watch it, educational purposes y'all:



And you've got NO IDEA how much it pains me to link a video of The Young Turks because I really don't like them AT ALL, I really don't like the guy, but the girl is saying stuff that many of my less-uptight female friends have also said, so I thought it was a good example.  It saves me from having to type out all that shit about how opinions on the word aren't universal among females like you would think and some see it as an empowering word and blah fuckin' blah...  Anyway... the conversation continues:



And that right there sums up the netizen hive-mind the world over.



Something that I didn't add to my argument, because whenever I mention to strangers online that I'm a music industry professional and therefore I actually have somewhat of an informed opinion about music industry matters, they act like I just told them to eat their own shit in a bucket: I like G-Dragon's hat not because I like G-Dragon (I don't mind the odd BigBang song but I'm not about to drop to my knees and suck the guy off) but because I have actually created clothes like what he's wearing, for the express purpose of offending as many people as possible.  For publicity.  Yes, it fucking worked.

Presenting some of my old band's merchandise, modelled by the lovely Danni Du Bois:



Okay, so the hair and the gun is in the way of the text, but the t-shirt says "PROBLEM, CUNT?" and my old punk band made these shirts and we would sell them at shows.  Both men and women bought them.  One guy even got himself beaten up when he went around town with one of our shirts on, drunkenly yelling "Problem, cunt?" at people - which is kind of funny actually.  He came back to us after with the shirt ripped and blood all over it and we gave him another one.  We also sold other items of clothing with the same slogan, and had a few different designs.

Obviously I don't need to explain my position on this any further.  Stephen Fry sums it up nicely, saving me even more typing:



As for the Korean idols who wear supposedly offensive slogans in English, which happens quite a lot it seems, I have no idea how clued in their wardrobe departments are about the swearing and what it means, I would assume maybe some of them know, and the bigger labels all have English-speaking staff, so I'm sure it's not just all slipping through the net out of ignorance, but I don't care really.  I laugh when I see idols wearing supposedly offensive shit, I think it's great, especially as the music is so sweet and syrupy.  I dig the juxtaposition of those elements.



Like I care if others can't deal with it, in Korea or elsewhere.  Maybe one day they'll get off their computers and go out into the real world and someone will call them a cunt and their head will spin around and they'll shoot green bile from their face like Linda Blair in The Exorcist.



I hope someone takes a selca.
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