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akisame's Top 10 Favourite Nugu Releases of 2013

December 31, 2013, 11:21 am
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As kpopalypse has said in his previous posts: 2013 has been a real downgrade for K-Pop this year. Most of what has been released sounds like an elephant anally raping Calvin Harris whilst he produces another piece of nu-disco trash.

Most of what has been released by my favourite mainstream k-pop acts (sans IU) has generally been quite shitty this year - especially coming from the likes of SNSD. After SNSD's release of the musical atrocity that is "I Got a Personality Disorder" I sought solace in many different nugu groups. Whilst the experience could somewhat be horrific (in the case of Dal Shabet), 2013 has been a year where the nugus have released some gems. After the jump is a list of my favourite nugu songs of 2013.

Before I start, I should make a few things clear:
  • Musical composition is not my line of expertise.
  • The list is solely based on my subjective opinion and does not reflect the musical tastes of other AKF authors.
Now let's get started! 

She's not on this list since she didn't released anything in 2013.

10. Ladies' Code - "Hate You"




Ladies' Code are undeniably one of the best rookie groups to debut this year and "Hate You" is a solid reminder of that.

Sojung starts off the song with her sombre vocals against the strumming of an acoustic guitar that gives off an eerie feeling of the song that perfectly matches the concept of the music video. The song also doesn't use vocal whoring to make it good (because we end up getting a fucking earful of strain in "Pretty, Pretty"), instead it sticks to the melody in a simplistic yet stylish manner.The momentum is kept throughout the song and finishes right on time - generally leaving the listener wanting more.

9. ChoColat - "Black Tinkerbell"



Possibly the most irrelevant group to ever grace the halls of the K-Pop industry, ChoColat managed to come back with the beauty that is "Black Tinkerbell" and flop - disastrously. I don't think that ChoColat's success - or lack of - has anything to do with the quality of their music, but the lack of good management and Korea's racism. If the group hadn't been marketed as only having one Korean member surrounded by mix-raced girls with Puerto-Rican ancestry, "Black Tinkerbell" and ChoColat could have been on the nugu level of Ladies' Code. The song is a good dance song with a nice catchy hook and build-up.

The mood (and title) of the song also conveys the dark and possessive emotions that the singer is feeling towards her love: a Peter Pan type figure that only has eyes for Wendy. I tend to enjoy creepy edges in songs.

The only problem I have with the song is seeing underage girls dancing quite sexily in a pool of water. It's just a bit creepy to me considering the fact most of ChoColat's members are 16, but look a lot older. Oh well, maybe that is meant to emphasise the dark side of Tinkerbell.

8. GLAM - "Look in the Mirror"



Taking a break from the dance tracks, GLAM graces this list with their presence with their trot-inspired song "Look in the Mirror". Unlike 2NE1's craptastic and headache inducing "I Love You", you can actually hear the trot influences in "Look in the Mirror" and it really, really works. The song manages to be catchy without having an auto-tune processed hook or an annoying dubstep chorus. It's incredibly refreshing to hear a song that doesn't have dubstep polluting the melody.

It's also refreshing to actually hear a song with a good melody, beats and production which has great lyrics to match. The song pokes fun at the idealistic beauty standards that South Koreans have and it isn't some sappy and pathetically shallow love song about how a girl wants to be beautiful so she can be with her oppa wah wah wah.

7. VIXX - "hyde"



Despite the fact that their name reminds me of a having the flu, VIXX are the only male nugu group to make the list: “hyde”is a fast-paced dance track that I can play for hours on end. It’s far from being perfect, but it gets the eighth position on the list for being so god-damn addictive and having one of the most adrenaline pumped choruses in K-Pop. I hate exercise, but this song makes me want to jump on a treadmill or do about 70 press-ups. Unlike most fast-paced, adrenaline pumping, crack cocaine feeling songs “hyde” manages to keep the momentum up after the first chorus. However, it’s then dogged down by the absolutely horrendous rap break, but the song manages to redeem itself with some vocal whoring from the most alien-faced idol I have ever seen since Jaejoong debuted in TVXQ. This is one song where I find a big strained as fuck high note to be absolutely necessary in the climax of the song, otherwise I would feel a bit deflated (especially after that horrific rap break which sounded like Jay-Z on depressants).

 

6. EvoL - “Get Up”



This song sort of reminds me of Jason’s Derulo “Talk Dirty Me” as in the instrumental sounds quite foreign - kind of like Arabic pop music, but upgraded and without the annoying as fuck goat-like vocal runs. This song has everything I could ask for from a hip-hop style girl group. It’s fierce, edgy and sexy. Due to the repetitive nature of the song, “Get Up”’s short length is perfect as it prevents the song from becoming stagnant and irritating. If there’s anything that I hate more, in a song, than vocals that sound like they are going through a meat processor and rapping that sounds like vomiting, it’s a repetitive song that is as stagnant as a polluted river.
Despite its high position, the song would be better without:

  • The “Hey Boys, Hey Ladies” phrase.
  • The deep, masculine voice that one of the rappers is putting on which is reminiscent of Bang Yong Guk - whom I hate.
I think the music video could have benefited with a bit less ass-shaking and maybe some belly-dancing.

  5. Glam - “I Like That”



This was the song that I ran to after SNSD released a huge stinking turd on the K-Pop scene when they came back with the Lord Voldemort of rhapsodies.”I Like That” is like two songs put together, but it works because it doesn’t sound like a cluster-fucking hot mess and there is some sort of a correlation between the verses and the chorus. It’s basically everything that “I Got a Personality Disorder” should have and could have been if SM stopped pumping their producers with caffeine and crystal meth so they can work day and night to produce “funky” new tracks, and actually looked outside of their own label for decent songs.

 

4. Nine Muses - “Gun”



“Gun” has got that perfect late 70s/early 80s pop song vibe and is probably a rehashing of a song from those times, only upgraded to sound a lot more sexier. The hook is one huge eargasm as the Muses voices blend so well with each other, creating a femme fatale sort of feeling that is emphasised by the trumpets in the background. The song is catchy, sexy and fun without being a hot-mess - each aspect of the song slides perfectly into each other - and the music video matches brilliantly with “Gun”.

 

3. RaNia - “Just Go”



This song is spot on greatness. If it wasn’t for the next two songs on the list I would have happily given RaNia the #1 spot. The song builds up the perfect momentum and doesn’t lose it. The chorus is powerful and the slide from the chorus into the bridge is AMAZING! The vocal whoring is incredibly worthy and adds to the ferocity of the song. Everything from the title of the song, to the production, the singing and the music video is spot. What else is meant to be expected from a song about a woman eliminating a lousy man from her life but a fierce song with a sexy music video?


2. Ladies’ Code - “Bad Girl”




Ladies’ Code smashed into the K-Pop song with the retro-esque, big band sounding song “Bad Girl”. Don’t be fooled by the piano intro, “Bad Girl” isn’t a love song, it’s a song about a girl who cannot and will not take any type of shit from her man and is more than happy to resort to violent methods so she can school him.

Whilst not being the most vocally accurate group in K-Pop, the girls all manage to deliver and it doesn’t feel like there is only one member doing the hard work in the song. And Sojung, wow that girl’s tone suits the song perfectly, she sounds like Lee Hi except she doesn’t sound as if all of the life has been sucked out of her. Her jazzy tone complements the song perfectly.

The song also lacks one of the major flaws that can be found in female kpop songs: rapping. If rapping had been added into a song like “Bad Girl” it would have totally been ruined. I am just so happy that producer or the writer didn’t feel any satanic urges to add rapping into such a flawless song.

“Bad Girl” has also got one of the most enjoyable music videos I’ve seen.

If Ladies’ Code keep going at the rate they’re currently going out that could really be successful in the future.

1. TINY-G - “Miss You”



TINY-G are my new obsession and it’s all because of “Miss You”. If I hadn’t been so bored out of my fucking mind (after listening to Girls’ Generation’s sucky new Japanese album), I wouldn’t have clicked the video for “Miss You” on YouTube. AND THANK THE LORD ABOVE THAT I WAS BORED OUT OF MY MIND BECAUSE THIS SONG IS SHEER BRILLIANCE!

“Miss You” has got the most catchiest chorus I have heard this year and it isn’t catchy in that sexually transmitted infection sort of way, you actually want to listen to the song again and again because it’s just so good. It’s kind of cute as well, but not in that sickly sweet way in that hug-able way. Maybe it’s because the girls are so petite, but I really just want to hug all of the members, even though they do sound kind of sexy in this song. This song is just really good, the verses aren’t dull, the chorus is catchy and the bridge contains a high note that - technically - is very well executed.

I haven’t bothered to research the producer of “Miss You”, but whomever he/she is they’ve got the formula for fun correct. That’s really what a lot of kpop songs this year have lacked: fun and entertainment factor. There have just been way too many songs this year that are mopy, sappy, melodramatic or just plain weird, but they aren’t fun. Yeah, sure some of them are funny, but they don’t have that entertainment factor to them that makes us like the song (EXO’s “Wolf”).

I just hope that 2014 is the year where we can get more fun and good music from TINY-G because so far, they’ve been really good.


So that’s it, folks! That was my top 12 favourite nugu releases of 2013, you might love these songs or you might loathe them. Tell me what you think of them in the comments, and don’t forget to mention some of your own favourite nugu releases of 2013!


Happy New Year! :)

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ZAKU'S 2013 IN REVIEW: WORST OF THE WORST

December 31, 2013, 10:15 pm
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Ok, since everyone else has written a 2013 in review article (and it was kind of my idea to get everyone to do it in the first place), I figured I hop to it and present everyone with how I felt about 2013's KPop releases. Originally, I was going to make a superarticle with all of what I wanted to say about 2013 in it, but I realized that it was going to be too long with too much shit to load, and that's not very nice for low bandwidth or mobile users. Thus, I'm just going to start with the worst of the worst. Because all of the cool kids authors are doing it...

DISCLAIMER: My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinions of the other authors. If you don't agree with me, w/e. If you think I'm clickbaiting, L0L0L0L0L0L GET REKT KID

Sorry not sorry, so comme des fuckdown pls
NOTE: I'm excluding all Japanese releases because those technically don't count as KPop.
BOTTOM TEN WORST SONGS OF 2013
(In no particular order because I'm too lazy to sort these by degrees of shittyness.)
EDIT: Actually, I think this ended up in the order I would have set them at anyway.

Generally speaking, these songs are so bad, they're practically unlistenable. Like so bad, you skip it instantly if it comes up on shuffle (why the fuck it's on your mp3 player in the first place, who knows). So bad, if it comes on the radio station, you'd rather drive in silence than listen to it. So bad, if its MV comes on a storefront you walk by, you must make a 180 and find a different way around to your destination.

10. SNSD - I Got a Boy


I've made no secret my utter distaste for this song throughout the year, so it should come as no surprise that it's been included here. The song is terribly written, and whoever thought it was a good idea to mash up like 3-5 different songs into one should be shot. This ain't no Bohemian Rhapsody, nor will it even be that one song Koppalypse mentioned when he was talking about it in his list. I don't know what's worse, the beginning where everyone does that aegyo-ey sing-talky conversational-ey back-and-forth rap, or Sooyoung's "AYO GG," or how Tiffany decides to preface the song with "Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere comes trouble~!" or Hyoyeon's rap parts with the back-and-forth shit, or how Jessica says "Let's bring it back to 1:40" then proceeds to literally rewind the song back to the 1:40 mark." I could go on, but that would be bringing more attention to this song than it deserves.

If they only fleshed out one, or two tops, of the "mini" songs they smushed into this, it would probably been great. But nooooooo, why waste money on multiple promotion cycles when you can write a supersong with all of those bits in it and release it in one clean package? /smlogic

Not to mention everyone is dressed the the bargain bin trailer trash you could only find in a YG garage sale. Blech. Let us never speak of Sunny's butchered hair ever again. I will forgive them for this though.

God bless SeoAbs
9. G-Dragon - Michigo


I can understand GD's primary modus operandi. The man clearly knows what sells in Korea and what doesn't, and he expressly writes his songs in a way to cater to that lowest denominator of fangirl to lap up. In a way, he's the Tyler Perry of KPop, but usually GD's music grows on me or I find some hidden gem on an album to enjoy. Not gonna lie, I kinda liked One of a Kind for example. 

This on the other hand, is pure shit. It's literally a cacophonous mess of electronic bells and whistles with no direction than "THERE IS NO DIRECTION." Nothing makes sense, from the flow of the song, to the backtrack, to the MV. Nothing.

I will give him props for making it big then inviting all of his friends to be in his music videos. Shit, if my friend made shitty music like this but invited me to act like an idiot and posture for his music video, I'd do it in a heartbeat. I almost think he just puts this shit out just to see what new lows fangirls will stoop to to justify buying this shit, like some sick social experiment.

After all, if he can have 30+ seconds of his music video be of him peeing in a urinal and still hit 12 million views (as of this writing), the man can sell anything. 

Why tho
8. 4 Minute - What's Your Name


If you thought I Got a Boy was a mess, I think 4 Minute's version is worse. And yes, I mean it when I say 4 Minute's version. 

Both songs have what sound like multiple separate songs smushed into one, a weird English hook line, terrible thrift shop street fashion, and general suckyness. Everyone's over-processed to the point where you can hardly tell who's supposed to be singing, and that incessant beeping gets on the nerves. Not even a zombie attack mid-MV can save that trainwreck of a song/MV. I almost wish it cut there.

Who the hell thought this was a good idea anyway?
7. T-ara N4 - Countryside Life 


I started off with very high hopes for this subunit. I mean the premise was one of the better ones in KPop -- screw vocal line or dance line or whatever the fuck line, just take the 4 hottest (I dunno about Areum tho) members of the group (who happen to carry the most weight vocally anyway) write a song for em. Trim the fat if you will.

Alas, twas not to be. The song suffers from much of the same problems that landed the other songs on this list -- it sounds like multiple songs smushed together with no rhyme or reason. Like I Got a Boy, if they only picked one thread or something, they could have had a real gem on their hands. As it is, the messy composition, that rather annoying Middle-Eastern-ey pipe in the background (inb4 AKF hates the Middle East too)asf, and that horrible rap shoved in the beginning and never touched upon again makes it a real pain in the ass to listen to.

I think the only thing that saves this song is the fact that the lyrics are pretty much a big "fuck you" to all the haters dickriding on T-ara. That ding galingalinga ding dance bit is kind of nice/funny too.



6. CL - The Baddest Female


With CL's solo debut, I knew it was either going to be a clubbanger I might enjoy like Fire, Can't Nobody, or I am the Best... or utter try-hard garbage like the rest of the crap YG has been pushing out lately. Unfortunately for me, it was the latter.

I dunno, just something about CL's voice when she raps annoys the hell outta me and for her to have an entire song to herself at a slow as shit beat and rapping with little to no flow or pace... Blecch. Seriously, CL's "rap," if you could call it that, sounds like Kidz Bop. I think the biggest thing about the song I dislike is that last chunk of the chorus, that thing where she's like "UNNIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIE-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH." No wait, I think I hate that English part where she calls out to her fellow bad girls, but not "bad meaning bad, but bad meaning good you know" even more.

And doesn't anyone else find it awkward for CL to use little girls and a baby as a prop in a song that calls them all gizibe? .__.

5. EXO - Wolf


Alright, I'm not going to lie, I kinda liked Exo on debut. I still have History and Mama on my mp3 player as guilty pleasure tracks to listen to every now and then. I hate to sound like a bandwagoner, but after all the hype they obviously had no chance in hell of living up to and the batshit insanity of the Exotic (or whatever the fuck you call em now) fandom, I washed my hands of them and never looked back.

That is, until I was forced to listen to this song again. This song just plain old sucks. I can't even attempt to explain it rationally, nothing about this song sounds good to me. Least of all that horrible "NEGA OOLF A-OOOOOOOOOOO" shit. The raps sound like run-on sentences with the words tripping on themselves on their way out of whoever's trying to spit them out, and I think the composer had a drunken bet with the audio mixer on how many times he could slip in "oolf" throughout the song or something.

It baffles my mind how bad this song is, but how fangirls continue to fap over this shit and find hidden meaning in it all. Even the dance is dumb, and I don't really have much interest in teen boys trying to make tough guy faces at the camera but coming off as constipated or just plain dumb-looking.

4. WASSUP - Wa$$up


I was really excited for this group to debut with their twerking gimmick because the very idea of these Korean girl idols twerking on stage to rabid fanboy chanting got my sides in stitches. Just imagine if the barely disguised ass shaking the idols do now because straight up twerking or booty popping, shed the pretenses and all that. 

But the song sucked. So hard. Not only was there no twerking in the damn MV, but I'd say most of the girls are weird looking, NOT LEAST OF ALL THAT HORRIBLE TROLL-LOOKING DARKISH GIRL IN THE SILVER TIGHTS. JESUS CHRIST WHO WOULD STAN SUCH A CREATURE. NOT EVEN HYOYEON AKA HYOPPA AKA HYORC AKA HYOHOHO, THE LEGENDARY ORC WARRIOR FROM KALIMDOR LOOKED THAT BAD EVER.

But yeah, the song was bad. That "HAHA HAHA HA HA" thing does the song no favors, nor does the random Engrish. I mean come on, "CHI CHI CHI CHI BANG YA, CHI CHI CHI CHI BANG YA?" Really??

At least we got the debut of Nari, THE ONLY SAVING GRACE OF THIS HORRIBLE GROUP, out of it all.

Let the gif speak for itself.
3. 2NE1 - Do You Love Me


You know 2NE1 has hit the bottom of the YG priority list when he's got them rehashing old songs as new comeback material (e.g., I Love You) and when he has them film their own MV with a camcorder. Sure you could call it a fun, out of the box way to shoot an MV, but when 2NE1 has to get drunk/high/coked out of their minds to shoot the MV, I'm not so sure how benign the intentions were.

At any rate, the song's just as terrible as Bom's plastic surgeries. Is it really necessary to repeat "DO YOU LOVE ME" over and over and over? I get that's the chorus, I get that's the name of the song, YOU DON'T NEED TO REMIND ME THAT MANY TIMES. 

Someone needs to free my nigga Minzy already tho, she has to get out of this group ASAP. l0l

#freeminzy
((Wrong MV I know, but this gif is nice))
2. SHINee - Everybody


I was debating on whether this or Why So Serious was worse, but I ended up deciding on this because of several reasons:
  • the constant electronic flairs are really overused and abused
  • the chorus is literally just "EVERY BODY, EVERY EVERY EVERY BODY" interrupted by electronic breakdowns
  • how many goddamn times can you say everybody in this damn song
  • what a waste of an opportunity to go with a Nazi!Jonghyun/Minho concept
  • the song is so lazily put together
  • awful breakdowns randomly scattered around the song like a shotgun to the face
I mean I could have gone with the other one, but this one is the more blatant offender.

1. Hwang Minwoo - Show Time


If there was ever a song that deserved worst KPop song of 2013, nay, worst KPop song of all time, it would be this one. If you don't know/remember, Hwang Minwoo is Little Psy, or the young kid who happens to look a little like Psy and is decently talented at dancing for his age. He's been linked with Psy on several variety shows before, appearing only to do random Psy dances, but he really hit it big when he was featured in Psy's Gangnam Style MV (the playground/beach scenes). 

Anyway, I honestly forgot this song even existed until I saw Kpoppalypse's  list, so fuck you for that by the way.

Everything about this song, from Minwoo's whiny overprocessed voice, to the overt sexualization of a young boy, to the blatent Gangnam Style cash-in, sucks. May god have mercy on on Youtube for uploading this shit, on the editor who put this shit together, to the director whose insane mind dreamed up the MV to this shit, on the producer who shit the song out, on Minwoo's parents for approving this shit, and on the executives who thought signing this kid to do this shit in the first place was a good idea.

Stay tuned for my Best of the Best list. Should be much easier to write than this one.
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ZAKU'S 2013 IN REVIEW: BEST OF THE BEST

January 1, 2014, 12:32 am
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Alright, now that we've got the shitty songs out of the way, we can get to the real task of choosing the best of the best KPop songs of 2013.

Again same rules apply.

DISCLAIMER: My opinions are my own and do not reflect the opinions of the other authors. If you don't agree with me, w/e. If you think I'm clickbaiting, L0L0L0L0L0L GET REKT KID

NOTE: I'm excluding all Japanese releases because those technically don't count as KPop.

Neither I nor Han Hyo Joo are going to listen to your comments about what should
or shouldn't be on my list.
TOP TEN BEST SONGS OF 2013

Generally speaking, these songs are going to be some of the best damn pop songs to have come out of Korea. If they're not on your mp3 players yet, download them ASAP.

10. Block B - Very Good



I was so glad Block B got over their legal issues and whatnot intact, and they made a comeback with their sound largely intact. Personally, I find Block B to be one of the few groups who can do the electronic and rap swagger concepts justice. For me, they can sell the "swag" because their idea of it is more like "I'm a hardass but not really, pls don't hurt me I was just joking." They don't really take themselves all too seriously, and for a genre filled with wannabes and tryhards, they make for a good change of pace.

That being said, the song itself is pretty good. I enjoyed pretty much all of it except for the chorus. I would rate this song higher, but the "I'M VERY VERY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD" bits annoy me a bit. Thankfully, the rest of the song carries the dead weight of the chorus bits, so that's all good. The MV is pretty funny too. I dunno if the GD allusions were supposed to send a message, but I'll just assume it was for parody purposes and nothing particularly significant.

9. JeA - Stray Cat


The Brown Eyed Girls are famed for their excellent voices, and I think JeA's solo showing was an excellent showcase of her stuff. The composition was great (I'm pretty sure she wrote and composed this song herself). It's a nice and mellow midtempo jam. I'm horrible at telling people why songs are good, so I'll just leave it there. Especially since I have neither of Akisame or Kpoppalypse's talents in this regard.

I DON'T KNOW WHY I LIKE IT, I JUST DO.

The MV is cute too. l0l

8. Henry Lau - Trap



One of the "newer" additions to the much/well-deserved maligned Super Junior, Henry's probably one of the (if not the sole) saving graces of the damn group. Even though he has a ton of haters (for reasons that remain mysterious to me, but probably something about him being a dirty Chinese monkey who infiltrated the group and is probably more famous/wealthy than the original oppars), I think he's a really likable guy. See his appearances on Korea's Celebrity Master Chef, for instance. (FEI IS ALSO ON IT AND SHE SLAYS)

The song itself is really good. If you must do a ballad-esque song, I much prefer this kind of upbeat midtempo piece. The boy can sing decently, there's not much of an accent in his singing (not that I can tell anyway, l0l), his English is on point with no accent either, and I enjoyed the piano fused with more contemporary hiphop/electronic flair instrumental.

The MV is pretty nice too. Fuck that Kyuhyun and Taemin cameo shit though, let the poor guy stand up on his own 2 feet. He don't need you two mooching off his royalties!!

7. Jaejoong Chuck - Mine



What, you thought we could have a best of 2013 list and NOT acknowledge Jaejoong Chuck's magnificent solo offering??

All jokes aside, this particular Jaejoong song is rife with visual kei influence, and that's not a bad thing. Over the top and weird and eerie and creepy visuals aside, the JRock/VK vibes from the song are really great. The song works well as a Korean-style VK, not least of all due to the vocal ability of Jaejoong. He pretty much sounds like your typical VK star, but the song would have been even better if he went for the full treatment and did a heavier sound.

Like the bit near the end (during the One Two-Winged Angel transformation), Jaejoong can do the growls and the roars to hang with the other VK bros, so why not??

Like I mentioned earlier, the MV is definitely very VK. If you're not familiar with how weird/creepy/eerie/effeminate they can get, consider Jaejoong's MV a toe in the deep dark mystery of the Visual Kei ocean.

6. IU - Red Shoes



IU's comeback was the shit (the shit in a good way, not the shit in a shit way) for two reasons:

  • it spited all of the pressed idiots who fapped to the thought of IU getting the D (maybe)
  • it gave us a solid album of good songs
The song was a nice upbeat, swing-style song with big brass instrumentals and proved IU had the stones to match. I'm sure she got tired of getting shoehorned into the Nation's Little Sister role or "Can Only Sing Cute Songs or Ballads," so this song was released instead. I don't know what else to say other than this song is fun and nice.

IU does have a penchant for long, contrived storyline MVs that don't really make too much sense, so listen to the audio-only version if you can't be fucked watching the MV.

5. MFBTY - The Cure



I hesitated a bit to include this song in the KPop list since individually, Drunken Tiger, Tasha, and Bizzy aren't exactly KPop idols. More like KHip-hop icons, but since their project name is MFBTY aka My Faves Better Than Yours, I don't think they'll mind too much.

Anyways, the song is a nice midtempo offering that combines the softer RnB/reggae-ish raps of Drunken Tiger and Bizzy with the soulful tones of Tasha for a lovely song. Tasha's English is accent-free, so you don't need to worry there. The song is great, great great great. I dunno.

The MV is pretty cool too with the abstract line drawings interacting with MFBTY. I dunno. Just listen to it.

4. Girl's Day - Expectation



Girl's Day has a pretty sterling back catalog of songs, or at least singles, and this one is no exception. Expectation is a great song, and is really well-put together. 

Usually, people will complain that Minah overdoes it with her vocal runs, but I think they did a good job of minimizing it for this single. Yura's rap isn't too long, and that means less interruption of the goodness of the song. I also liked how they mostly kept to a lower register than usual, something that makes their voices all sultry and cool. IDK LOL

Plus, all of them are smoking hot in this MV. The dance, that styling, those outfits, unf. Jjangbak as fuck.

3. T-ara - Number Nine



After getting that shitty T-ara N4 song, I was terrified for this comeback. What if we got another equally shitty song?!

Thankfully, that was not to be the case. Number Nine brought back the legendary 6-ara people had been begging for since I Go Crazy Because of You, and this song is right up there with IGCBOY for greatness. Everyone's styled well, the song is catchy, and it's an awesome clubbanger.

I will voice my complaints at how shitty that rap breakdown is from Hyomin ("I'M ADDICT, I'M ADDICT" repeat ad nauseum). But even that cannot quell the amazingness that is Number Nine.

2. Rania - Just Go



Some of you may wonder, who the fuck are these nugus and why should I care? LISTEN TO THE FUCKING SONG.

Rania's best single to date is a high-octane thrill ride from start to finish. The arrangement and composition and instrumental and everything is really well done and channels the sound and fury of a woman kicking a deadbeat out of her life. Jooyi's vocals here really shine as she goes on her vocal runs, and I really think she's one of the top talents of KPopdom. Thank god she got the hell out of 2NE1. Sure she would probably be more famous/rich, but what if YG gave her the Bom treatment?!

Anyway, the MV is awesome too because everyone looks fucking jjangbak. You might say Jooyi's the ugliest one, but I think she's a cutie. You also need to back off Di because she is the queen and the jjangbakest one of the group.

EVERYONE SHOULD STAN RANIA WITH ME SO WE CAN SPAM RANIA STUFF IN THEIR TAG AND I WON'T HAVE TO SIFT THROUGH MISSPELLED RAINA SHIT/THE QUEEN OF JORDAN/ROLEPLAY SHIT

1. Seungri - Gotta Talk to U



Honestly, I would have put both Rania's Just Go and Seungri's Gotta Talk to U at number 1 if I could. They're pretty much neck and neck, interchangeable, on the same level.

Seungri's comeback shit all over the rest of his groupmates (except for TOP for whom I have reserved a special spot in my heart away from the shitting on) solely because he's carved out a distinct niche in YG and Big Bang for himself. You look to Taeyang for the wannabe black tryhard shit (formerly RnB, which he needs to return to), to GD for weird electro shit, to Daesung for sappy ballads, and to TOP for weird stuff that makes no sense because he is fuckin' weird like that.

Seungri however is the king of suave, and he will get into your pants. The song is pretty much him in a nutshell: suave seduction that's going to get into your brain/pants and stay there til it jizzes on your face and won't give you a towel to clean up.

So that's my 2013 in review. Feel free to agree or disagree in the comments and submit your own best of. IDK.

Happy New Year.
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Lee Seung Gi and Yoona confirmed to be dating

January 1, 2014, 4:01 pm
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It's barely into the first day of 2014, and we already have been treated to big kpop news: An SNSDer has been confirmed to be in a relationship.


Uhh, yeah, is it too late to say spoiler alert?


Word on the street (and by street I mean Soompi) is that Yoona and Lee Seung Gi are dating. According to the website, Yoona's agency, SM Entertainment, has confirmed the news. The idea of the notoriously strict SM acknowledging that a member of its top girl group is in a relationship is pretty exciting.


Public relationships for all!


But seriously, I love news like this. I've always believed idols should be allowed to publicly acknowledge their relationships. I realize this goes contrary to the idea of allowing crazy fans to believe their favorite idol is a pure creature waiting for nothing more than to meet and fall in love with said fan, but tough shit.

You do you, Yoona.


And Lee Seung Gi, too



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Yura

January 1, 2014, 5:40 pm
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Rain (tries) to get back into the game with "La Song" and "30Sexy"

January 2, 2014, 11:44 am
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Did Kim Tae Hee give you that kiss mark, Rain?

Rain recently took a break from fucking his girlfriend, Kim Tae Hee, to go back to his day job of "singing". I'm putting "singing" in inverted commas because Rain doesn't do much singing in his song "La Song" (rofl at the name). And whatever singing he does is generally not very good, "vocal God" my ass.


"La Song"



Honestly Rain, wtf is this piece of nonsensical trash? What were you thinking when you made this song and music video? Bloody hell, listening to this song was utter torture.

This song is a synthetic piece of bullshit that is meant to be a "fusion" of genres such as old school hip-hop, funk, electronica and a bit of 80s rock music. Except it isn't a fusion, it's a disaster. Each of the genres are layered onto top of each other so badly that they collide together to make noise. Just noise. The song is so fucking noisy I got an headache at the 1 minute mark and that headache stayed with me for about 4 hours (probably because I went and listened to "30Sexy" straight afterwards, but w/e).

The song completely loses whatever beat that it had in the mess of the song and there's absolutely no hook in the song whatsoever. Usually, even with a bad a song, there'll be a catchy hook to it that sticks in your head (whether you like it or not), but this song is completely forgettable (thank god). Which is good for us, but bad for Rain.

To make matters worse, Rain isn't even singing in this song...in fact I don't even know what the fuck he's supposed to be doing because I can barely hear him over the mishmash of genres that make up the instrumental for "La Song" (rofl at that title AGAIN). He sounds like he's fucking mumbling over the a bloody broken record, it's so annoying!

The only time you actually get to hear Rain sing is when he's straining the chorus that basically goes "La la la la" a thousand times until the next verse kicks in. So that's basically why Rain called the song "La Song" (rofl).

"La Song"'s m/v is also super duper fucking weird. Rain comes out of his trashy van, thug-muggin it and everythin' in some shanty town. He then starts singing his crap song in the town (which is mainly populated by black people and some Koreans), the residents of the town then go onto ass shake with one of them actually having her ass swell (wtf?). The music video is so random that I actually don't understand what's going on, but that image of a woman's ass blowing up is going to stay in my head forever.

My face during that moment.

I fucking hate this song tbh.

 

"30Sexy"



Undeniably the better single out of the two songs, but it's still bad (and I mean bad as in shit not as in good, you know?). The song is actually pretty decent up until the 1:20-ish mark where it starts to fucking suck because of the strobe-like synth effect (if you could hear strobe lights because those things are annoying) and Rain's horrific falsetto kicks in. The EDM is just so aggressive on the ears and the noise doesn't go away until the second verse (when Rain starts singing normally).

The sad thing about the song is if Rain didn't use his shitty falsetto and if the dominating EDM had been toned down the song would actually be quite good. It's because everything annoying and bad about this song is dominating, that the song is bad and headache inducing,.

"30Sexy"'s music video is also an eyesore of stripes, that I had to stop watching it in fear of vomiting all over my laptop because it's so nauseating.

I don't know who started saying that Rain was a really good singer, but he's not. Forgetting the fact that I find his tone incredibly cringe worthy, the guy is not a good singer. He's nasality is unbearable and I feel like handing him a tissue because he sounds like he needs to blow the fucking snot out of his nose. He's got basic problems sounding decent in his comfort zone and his lower register is basically a puffling of air, don't get me started on his falsetto because it's just shit and shrill.

Rain, go back to fucking Kim Tae Hee, please and thank you.
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Hwayoung is Dripping Wet in New Teaser Pics

January 2, 2014, 6:04 pm
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Some teaser pics came out of Hwayoung appearing in some kind of filming for something. I could show you theboringpics, but then THESE BABIES CAME OUT


OH MY GOD HWAYOUNG

Moving to Wellmade Ent was THE BEST THING EVER. She really does look like Park Shin Hye, or at least her little sister or something, now. Not getting bullied anymore has done wonders for her self-esteem and outward beauty. l0l

PS: Why are "I am partially submerged in a bathtub" pics the new it thing to do? Not that I'm complaining, just curious.
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First Yoona, Now Sooyoung

January 2, 2014, 8:25 pm
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Sooyoung has apparently been confirmed by Soompi via Sports Seoul to be dating Jung Kyung Ho.
That's the sound of the collective SONE population rupturing again.
With video too!


Apparently, the two have been previously linked and alleged to be dating since 2012/2013 but their respective companies have denied everything til now. With "definitive" photographic and video evidence to the contrary, their companies now had no choice but to confirm it. No sources on that yet, but that's what some "reputable" SONE twitters have been telling me. 

It never fails to creep me out how these people can get all the photos and video without the targets in question realizing it. As 10x more obnoxious as American paparazzi can get, at least you know they're there most some of the time.

The only complaint I have to this is... Why the fuck pick someone so plain/ugly, Sooyoung?? WTF


You had all the dick in the world to choose from and you chose his. Sigh, for shame.

Anyway, with Yoona and Sooyoung all locked up (and confirmed by SM) plus Hyoyeon allegedly dating someone too, that makes 3/9ths or 1/3rd of SNSD tainted by the D. I don't know if SM planned all this to happen in such a short timeframe of each other, but at this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if the other 6 have relationship stories hit the web too. Good thing Seohyun is a robot and requires nothin less than a Hard Drive and not a USB nawmean If the trend keeps up, old news like Jessica fucking Taecyeon, or Taeyeon fucking some guy in Super Junior (Donghae??) might as well be true too.

Maybe it's all some elaborate scheme by SM to steal all the media attention for SNSD's impending January comeback, because it sure buried poor Girl's Day's comeback media play attempts.
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Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 43

January 3, 2014, 12:00 am
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This week's photo comes from an anonymous asker from my Ask.fm:


Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

HE DOESN'T LOOKLIKE A MEMBER OF EXO? WHAT A SELFISH BASTARD. FUCK THAT. DUMP HIS ASS. HOW SELFISH OF HIM TO LOOK LIKE SEUNGRI.


Who wants to look like unpopular, untalented, and ugly-ass Seungri? Big Bang is not even a well known group. You poor girl. I can understand why you are crying every day. You don't deserve this pain. You even said that you would have done plastic surgery for him. You are so kind hearted! How dare he not reciprocate.

(*shiver* her English is just. Ughh. Please. Just stop. You are hurting me.) 

The original forum's thread can be found here: http://www.allkpop.com/forums_post/allkpop/K-POP/i-want-that-my-boyfriend-makes-a-plastic-surgery/page/1/of#axzz2oq23ZAFb


If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to @akf_shinbi, ask them at ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you. Thank you, FISHies!
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Jessica Imitates Hyosung

January 3, 2014, 12:00 am
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I have found two ways that Jessica imitates Hyosung in this picture. Can you spot them?
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T-ara's MV Director Cha Eun Taek Truly Sucks Major Walrus Dick

January 5, 2014, 5:51 am
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So, Cha Eun Taek directed this Jolin Tsai MV from her "Myself" album, and no wonder why I always get a seizure. Man, this UCAAD should be banned from ever making MVs again. Honey Trap is one of my favorite Jolin songs, but damn, it's almost impossible to watch the MV. I'll probably get three seizures before even getting boner -- just like every T-ara MV ever.

(Major snow storm is coming my way. It's like God saw all the videos/gifs/pics I was linking and started jizzing everywhere. So yeah, be careful for anyone else in the U.S. who'll get impacted by this storm. Too bad Jolin's hotness can't just melt the fucking snow away.)
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Rainblow Blaxx Teaser

January 5, 2014, 7:36 am
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I generally have zero shits to give to teasers, unless they are awesome.

In this sub-unit, Rainbow Blaxx is reaching into their inner black female selves, ready to come back and be all sassy to anyone who calls them nugus.

P.S. For the love of God, if Hyunyoung isn't in this sub-unit, I will lose what little faith I have left in DSP.
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lol pressed fangirl

January 5, 2014, 9:26 pm
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Miryo Needs To Help Bom

January 6, 2014, 6:22 am
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Damn UCAAD, help another UCAAD out and introduce Bom to your surgeon.

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Jooyeon Says Fuck Your "Levels"

January 6, 2014, 6:33 am
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So, last month there was a "dating scandal" between So Ji Sub and Jooyeon. And you know how Koreans are about their "levels"...



Via Netizen Buzz:

1. [+531, -34] After getting into a scandal with Ji Sub hyung, she's getting articles she never used to get written about her

2. [+149, -98] What a weird way to wear a snap back ㅋㅋㅋ

3. [+48, -9] Jooyeon benefited from the scandal while Ji Sub didn't

4. [+23, -19] People are so negative... It's not like Jooyeon-ssi caused a crime or anything. Are you jealous about her scandal? I've liked her since Invincible Youth, actually... ㅋ

5. [+16, -8] There is quite a gap in levels... how dare anyone even think of climbing over the wall that is So Ganji

6. [+15, -38] She is erally pretty... I can see how So Oppa would've fallen in love with her ㅠㅠ

7. [+14, -6] As long as she's not dating So Ji Sub

8. [+11, -2] Why is this article ranked #3 when there are 60 downvotes and barely any comments... is this media play.

9. [+10, -2] Definitely getting a lot more articles after her scandal with So Ji Sub.. She was practically a nugu in After School. I guess this is how she gets attention. 

10. [+10, -2] This is why she will never be on the level of So Ji Sub. She's using the scandal to raise her public popularity. Tsk tsk tsk. 

Ugh.



So Ji Sub would have to be one gay ass nigga (how would the politically correct version of this go? UCHO-UCAAD sounds clunky. If anyone has a good abbreviation for a politically correct term for 'gay ass nigga', write it in the comments section below!) to not want to bang Jooyeon just because she's supposedly on a "lower level". Hell man, I would pull a sulli_fag and sniff Jooyeon's butthole -- that's how fucking hot she is.


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Jia Gets Flamed for Stupidest "Scandal" Yet

January 7, 2014, 1:11 am
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Miss A's Jia uploaded some harmless photos of herself riding on an airport cart online and people are making a big deal out of it.


Pretty much everyone and their mothers have done this "stunt" at least once in their lives, so for netizens to be making a big deal out of this stupefies me. I've seen some stupid scandals in my time but this has to take the cake.

2. [+409, -175] She needs to fall backwards to wake up and realize what she's doing

3. [+362, -140] Why would she even post that

4. [+51, -36] Min's racist tweet, Suzy's attitude, Jia's cart ride... All that's left is Fei.

5. [+48, -22] Not that what she did was right but people are making a big deal out of nothing. 

6. [+34, -6] I don't care that she rode on it but why would she post it? To prove that she's dumb?

7. [+32, -2] Everyone has done it at least once but not everyone takes a video of it and uploads it publicly. 

8. [+25, -5] I don't care that she's riding it, but why upload that...
2. [+414, -29] Okay, she can do that, she can take a picture of it as well, but if she thought even for a second before uploading that on SNS as a celebrity, I'm sure she would've been able to come to the conclusion that it would receive criticism... She didn't think it through. 
3. [+36, -11] Jia, Eunji (breaking traffic law), Kang Yoomi (ambulance incident)... SNS is the problem but also a lack of awareness. It's astounding that they don't realize that what they're doing is wrong.
4. [+28, -10] Why even upload that? Did they tink fans would say it's cute? That she's riding it at a super fast speed? That they want to ride it too?  
5. [+27, -12] I want to know why miss A lacks so much common sense 
6. [+27, -15] Proving she's stupid
7. [+14, -11] Does everyone really do that? I'm 28 years old and never did that at the airport before... 
8. [+13, -1] I don't know why celebrities insist on keeping up with SNS when it's nothing good for them in the end.
Okay, what? How is riding on an airport cart wrong? It's not like she jumped into it and tried to superman it or something. She's standing on the back bar thing and pushing off. She's not even moving that quickly. Watch the original for yourself and tell me that's not slow.  I can understand if she was speeding, or riding it recklessly, or if she was doing it around a ton of people. The video's clearly in an empty hallway, she's not going that fast, and she's just riding on the back.

Maybe it's because she uploaded it with the label "Don't do this (in Chinese) I'm bad girl" and netizens think she thinks she's hot shit for uploading it despite the Chinese disclaimer. I have no idea, but it's still dumb. I don't know what's worse, all these netizens on their high horses pretending this is some terrible crime, that people think Jia's some crazy criminal, or that people actually wished she fell off to learn how bad of a thing she just pulled.
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[MV Review] Ailee - Singing Still Puts Me To Sleep

January 7, 2014, 1:50 am
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Short review: Like most of Ailee's songs, if you love vocalists overdoing it, this is your track. For people like me, well, it's a pass as usual. And no, I won't blindly support Ailee just because I dislike allkpop.



I don't really like this song, then again, I've never been a huge fan of Ailee. Her vocals overpower the (weak) instrumental, and I just don't like it when vocals overpower the instrumental. I honestly blame my dissatisfaction with vocalists because of shit like Whitney Houston "interpreting the song in their own way" shit instead of allowing their voice to simply work together with how the song was created. No, we can't have that shit.

As for the story, Lee Joon and Ailee started dating after they saw each other's nude photos/videos, so they thought it was natural for them to hook up. However, Ailee can't cook for shit, so Lee Joon was seeing another chick at the same time.

This song is as bad as Ailee's cooking.

His face says it all.

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Hyunyoung is in Rainbow Blaxx, Praise The Lord

January 7, 2014, 7:25 am
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Thank You DSP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



I had feared Hyunyoung wouldn't be in Rainbow Blaxx because she was already in Rainbow Pixie (a subgroup that we should all pretend doesn't exist). Now that Hyunyoung is confirmed to be in this subunit, well, fuck yeah!

At this point, I wouldn't give a shit if somehow SM Entertainment fired Shindong and DSP picked up Shindong to put in this group. He still wouldn't ruin Jaekyung X Hyunyoung.

Ikuuuuuu.

Edit:


Boo hoo. Hyunyoung is the hottest member in the group, so it would have been a crime to leave her out.

Edit 2:


I don't have to write shit.
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My life as a soshi manager pt. 2 - soshi managerer

January 7, 2014, 9:36 am
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Another day in the life...



The next day I was woken by my cellphone and when I answered it, it was Mr. Kim Jonghin saying I had to get to the office ASAP for an urgent meeting. I could only imagine what I had done wrong but it turns out he just needed me to get an important file from SM Academy. I wondered why if it was so important he didn't just get it himself, but thought better of questioning him. I told him I would head over there first thing.


As I was heading out the door to look for the files Miss Han Jiwon, the secretary told me to also make sure to pick up Sunny who could be in her or dorm at the academy and also the directions for my job of the day, making sure Sunny got to the Stadium safely. I asked if it was OK for me to get a coffee first and she said sure, but to hurry up. It seemed this would be a long day...


I scoured the Academy everywhere before checking the sound production room. Sure enough the file was sitting there on the floor. Who knows why it was left there, I wasn't being paid to consider things like that. I took the file but before I left I went into the work out room to use the restroom before running into...


How could I forget? I spent all night throwing up sour kimchi. Oh well it still a really fun night and I got to hang out with Yoona and Sooyoung when they were just having fun. I wasn't sure if Kyuhyun was saying they like spicy food... Or they are like spicy food, I would agree with him either way.


I sped back to the office to deliver this file that was so important. Mr. Kim Jonghun seemed less than than enthusiastic to get it back, but I appreciated the free drink. I took a moment in the cafeteria before heading to the dorms to get Sunny.


When I arrived at the dorm I noticed a package sitting at the door. It must be from international fans, I figured this sort of thing isn't that uncommon. I took the package to give to the girls later. Who knows what sort of unhealthy snacks could be in it... Strangely my password for the door wouldn't work. I suddenly remembered something about suspicious persons hanging around the dorm and that a new password had been put in place, just in case. Seeing as I wouldn't be able to get into the dorm quite yet I decided to check back at the academy for Sunny.


Finally I managed to track her down in the changing room and we were on our way. I remembered the directions Miss Han Jiwon gave me and we arrived at the destination. It seemed my tasks for the day were complete, as usual I returned to my apartment and had a long drink.
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Stuck in my Head ~ Song of the Day 7

January 8, 2014, 12:00 am
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I know this song of Davichi's came out a long while ago, but I only discovered it this fall (cause I barely keep up with Korean music anymore) and am still in love with it:




Yes, this isn't a pop song nor a hip hop song that most of our readers tend to enjoy. But I mean, come on, it's Davichi. Everyone loves them. It is just so beautiful and stunning. I think it's a ballad worth listening to. Plus, Verbal Jint is in it so... yeah that's kinda cool.

I am not doing a song critique or anything regarding it. Song of the Days are just for sharing music. I haven't posted one of these articles for months (or any article really), so some of our newer readers probably do not know what these "weekly" features are.

So if any of you have any recommendations, please send them to me via the comment section below, e-mail (zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com), twitter (akf_shinbi), or ask.fm (http://ask.fm/akfshinbi). Thanks, FISHies!

Premise:

Since Korean music is in general very catchy, I find myself addicted to songs constantly, leaving them on replay for days hours on end. So I thought I would share some of the many songs that I have been addicted to lately. 

The whole point of this article is just to share music with each other. This is in no way one of our funny or trolling articles. I notice often in the chatroom (up top), many of us are telling each other what are good songs and which artists to listen to. So I felt that maybe posting them in the comment section below on an article would make it easier to navigate whose recommendations you trust. They can be old or new songs. Like I really care.

Feel free to post the song stuck in your head at this moment. You don't have to post your entire Top 25 play list right now either. These articles will pop up frequently, so you can share one song at a time. 
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