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Taeyeon's Cleavage Scares Me (and SONEs)

April 11, 2013, 1:27 am
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Before today, I had no idea that gazing into Taeyeon's cleavage (or lack thereof) was a horrifying experience. We all know she's got the body of a prepubescent girl, so I was kinda surprised her mosquito bites actually had some substance to them.


At first blush, it seems like our good pal Fiddle.se was doing the Lord's Work when he GIF'ed this fancam. Taeyeon + downshirt + jiggly = good shit right? Even though there's no nipslip (or is there?) for you dirty savages, even this amount of the Taeflesh is good enough for a fap or thousand. Nothing to fear.

But then something caught my eye when I tried to make sense of what I was looking at. What in the hell is that black chasm between her left boob and the shirt?


Is it her bony sternum? Is it her tanktop? Is it her bra? Or is it some eldritch portal to some incomprehensible realm where up is blue and right is dicks? I simply could not continue looking at that gif any longer for fear of losing my soul to Taeyeon's anti-cleavage.

The funny thing is, Fiddle.se was attacked by SONEs over the webs because they wanted this gif taken down.


You may think it's just crazy SONEs pulling more bizarre shenanigans to protect Taeyeon's image from some perceived slight, but you're selling them short. Don't get them wrong, Thai SONEs are the true heroes here. No one's loved ones should have to gaze into the impenetrable mindflay that lurks between Taeyeon's "titties." They're just looking out for the good of your continued sanity, man.
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Hongki, come write for AKF anytime you wish

April 12, 2013, 4:09 pm
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In between breaks of playing Starcraft, doing school work and contemplating suicide, Korean netizens decided to unleash their anger onto Hongki after getting Zerg Rushed.

I won't post all of the butthurt from the Korean netizens, but I'll post some of the comments that made me laugh.


First, if the Netizen Buzz article is tl;dr, this will sum it up:

Hongki lashed back at the netizens, tweeting, "Hey you keyboard warriors, if you're going to hate on me, at least know the facts. I bought it just yesterday so I don't have a license plate for it but it's okay as long as I get one within 15 days. And it seems you can't see that well because it's dark but yeah it's in front of a traffic light but it's still by the store I bought the motorcycle at. Jeez, you're all foaming at the mouths trying to kill me over it."


Korean netizens are pissed that a celebrity would actually talk back to them. These crybabies are worse than the delusional fangirls that we happen to shit on here at AKF. Delusional fangirls are just delusional in the sense that they're overprotective of their oppars and unnirs. Korean netizens, on the other hand, vent out all of their frustrations onto the celebrities. I honestly don't blame them. If you didn't know by now, life for Korean high schoolers is a living hell, where they spend most of their time studying for exams since those exams essentially determine their fate for the rest of their lives. South Korea also has the highest suicide rate among the OECD countries.



Time for some comments from the netizens, as translated by Netizen Buzz.

1. [+494, -116] He is seriously such a tryhard...

lawl, funny coming from a Korean netizen.

4. [+105, -6] I'm not a Hongki fan nor have I ever hated on him but his explanation is really off putting. As pissed as he is, he should not speak in such a harsh manner. I know it's directed to the people that were criticizing him but even when I read it, it's making me disgusted by him... I think I have an accurate impression of him now.

Yes, I supposed he's supposed to take this shit daily from you guys just to appease some random turds on the Internet.

3. [+46, -6] He's the one that put up the picture and now he's b*tching at people to hate on him for the right reasons... Yeah, he'll never become a big star. I predict there will come a day where he'll be missing these keyboard warriors he's talking about.

You guys would bitch about a celebrity having their shoe untied. I doubt he'll ever miss random faggots online.

5. [+107, -14] Aside from whether or not he's violating any laws, his explanation makes him sound ilke such a b*tch


Hahahahahahaha. That's how I feel whenever I read comments on Nate. You kimchi-smelling fucks bitch about everything.



Hongki needs to be like his sunbae Yoochun and keep the bitches in line by slapping the shit out of them.

Anyway, after seeing netizens trying to ruin several celebrity careers within the past few years, it's nice to see someone stand up to the netizens. This isn't about whether or not what Hongki did was illegal, but it's about how it's about time celebrities stop taking so much shit from netizens. Unfortunately the netizen problem will never go away since Korea is the most wired country in the world, but the voices of anonymous Koreans who suck ass at Starcraft should be squashed Zerg Rush by Zerg Rush.
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The SeeYa on Immortal Song 2

April 14, 2013, 1:05 pm
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Just a reminder that Kim Kwang Soo isn't a total idiot, but just a big fucking idiot when it comes to idol groups. Ballad groups/artists has always been his strong point.

It doesn't hurt that there's a Minkyung in this group that's hot. (The first one to sing. The SeeYa hasn't been around long enough to find any decent pictures of the members.)

Seeing as how Korea hates T-ara and doesn't give two shits about 5doors or Amphetamines, The SeeYa should be promoted more.
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That nasty

April 15, 2013, 11:06 pm
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The latest word on the idol gossip street is that Tony An, formerly of H.O.T., and Girl's Day's Hyeri are dating. For those of you trying to figure out the age gap math, I'll save you the trouble. It's 16 years. He was born in 1978, she in 1994. In other words, he's in his mid-30s, and she's 18 (by U.S. standards, anyway).


I see Tony's giving himself his own High-Five of Teenager.


I swear, these kpop couples keep getting worse and worse. Sure, there have been good ones, like Kim Tae Hee and Rain and Junhyung and Hara (R.I.P., Goohyung). But the past six months also have brought us Jungah and Onew and IU and Eunhyuk (along with an image that will forever be seared into my brain, right next to JYP in plastic pants). 

This matchup is the worst by far. Let's face it: Tony is a creeper. Sixteen years, especially with someone her age, is nasty. Hell, I was even weirded out watching the BoA/Taemin couple in BoA's "Disturbance" video, and that couple only had, like, a six-year age difference.


Hyeri, sad after finding Tony's ex-girlfriend's pacifier in his car


And come on now, boy man ain't even hot. He looked old during his H.O.T. days.


That's a whole lotta fug.


I feel like this is a cry for help from Hyeri. I want to ask her, "What's wrong? What's causing you to act out in such questionable ways?" 'Cause girl can do better. More than that, I want her to do better. I'm sick of reading about these nasty-ass kpop couples. 

Here's hoping for a less icky tomorrow. 

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What Do You Get When You Mix Shit With Diarrhea?

April 17, 2013, 3:27 pm
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If you have ever pondered this question in your life, will.i.am and 2NE1 have given you an answer.
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WGM's first lesbian couple

April 18, 2013, 8:38 am
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In support of LGBT rights, WGM has revealed their first lesbian couple. SHINee's Taemin and A Pink's Na Eun were caught filming for their new stint on WGM, replacing Sunhwa and everyone's most-hated idol, Kwanghee.

Fan comments ranged from "I hate Naeun because I wanted to scissor Taemin", "I wonder who will wear the strap-on in bed" and "The other members in A Pink have names?"
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UEE's ass

April 18, 2013, 7:04 pm
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No one's going to read the text, so why bother writing anything?
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Han Ye Seul proves that "reflection periods" are pointless

April 19, 2013, 7:05 am
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Originally I just wanted an excuse to post a new picture of Han Ye Seul just like I did with the previous UEE post, but no, retarded Korean netizens have given me something to write about. It's about the "reflection periods" that Korean netizens always clamor for. Sometimes I believe these Korean netizens should take a reflection period about how much they suck at Starcraft. Just because you suck ass at Starcraft, don't put all of your irrational hatred onto celebrities.

I normally get all of my Korean news about Han Ye Seul in Korean or Chinese, but just being curious, I went to Netizen Buzz to see if she translated the comments about Ye Seul. When I read the comments, I wasn't surprised one bit, but it did make me think.

Netizen Buzz - Han Ye Seul hopes to make an acting comeback after two years

Now, I honestly don't give a shit if someone doesn't like a celebrity that I like. That's why I still post stuff about T-ara even though 90% of Kpop fans hate T-ara. I'm not so feeble-minded as to let a random person's opinion of someone change my opinion. That's why I don't understand why I get so many fangirls send me hate messages. There are even people who hate AKF (the site) yet still monitor everything I and the other authors write. Why be so obsessive over someone else's opinion? For example, on articles about the Dallas Cowboys, I'll make a comment once in a while that Tony Romo fucking sucks (even though Dallas is my favorite team.) I have Tony Romo defenders up my ass and chewing me out over saying that. Come the fuck on, I gave my reasons. Accept them or leave them. It's the same with me when it comes to Han Ye Seul, T-ara, Tablo, etc. I like all three of them, yet because my opinion goes against the majority, I get chewed out for it. Sorry for not being a bandwagoning fuckface and having an opinion for myself. I can understand why some people don't like Han Ye Seul, but there are some things that I don't understand while reading the comments, as translated by Netizen Buzz.

1. [+583, -33] What director would want to cast her? She might run away to America in the middle of filming...

2. [+558, -21] She should reflect. All the other staff who receive not even a percentage of the pay that she does still held it in for the sake of the viewers and worked hard... but because she had it a bit harder, she ran away to America. Exactly in what country is that ever an acceptable thing to do?

3. [+511, -24] Just take a nice, long rest... Didn't you say you were tired...

4. [+453, -22] Kim Hye Soo: No.

5. [+394, -21] I bet she wants to run away again while filming something

6. [+375, -17] Just stay in America

7. [+337, -14] Goes home whenever she's tired or feels like it... So selfish.

8. [+317, -15] Well she can find work in America since she seems to love America so much

9. [+242, -17] Didn't even notice that it's been 2 years since I haven't seen this b*tch

10. [+212, -10] Does she need money now or something? Isn't she the one that ran away in the middle of filming? So once she gets paid, she's going to run away again?

1. [+341, -59] Can you make sure your respect makes a comeback too

2. [+324, -59] She's become such a turnoff. One mistake totally ruined her image.. She was the best during 'Couple of Fantasy'

3. [+276, -66] Miss Runaway
Okay, the first is "reflection periods". You can always see Korean netizens bitching about how G-Dragon and T-ara never had a reflection period. Well, this is exactly why reflection periods don't matter. You can read on Asian Junkie a similar story about Ivy. Ivy "reflected" for three years yet she still gets shit on. Han Ye Seul has been out of the spotlight for two years (just doing photo shoots here and there), yet gets shit on. That's why I thought it was a smart move by YG to not have G-Dragon have a "reflection period". If G-Dragon had a reflection period and came back after two years, he would still be called G-Druggin and people would still hate on him. If T-ara had taken a "reflection period", people would still call them bullies. Netizens would just say "T-ara had more time to bully people during their time off. Fucking cunts."

The other problem I see with this is their hatred for Han Ye Seul exposing the problems in the Kdramas industry. If you didn't know, Han Ye Seul bailed on Spy Myung Wol due to horrible conditions (working 22 hours a day/7 days a week), just for the "promise with the viewers". What a bunch of horse shit. I've written about this plenty of times before, but there is no reason why drama filming crews should have to work 20 hours a day just to appease these two-inch dick having, A-cup tits having fucks. This happened in the middle of 2011, became a big controversy, yet nothing has changed since then. At the 2012 SBS Drama Awards, Jung Ryeo Won inadvertently mentioned this by talking about how the drama filming environment needs to change and how there needs to be more pre-produced dramas (just like how every other country in the world does it.)


Korean netizens, or any netizens, can hate her for all they want. It's not going to change my opinion of Han Ye Seul. However, stop demanding "reflection periods" when reflections never appease you kimchi-smelling fucks. And yes, you can continue hating on Han Ye Seul for exposing as to why Korean dramas are normal dramas in the first half and become fanfics in the second half. If Korean dramas weren't produced so poorly just so changes could be made on the fly, none of this would be a problem. I've seen plenty of dramas with an interesting setup, good writing, yet get poor ratings. Since Korean dramas are filmed live (as in the week, sometimes the day the episode is aired), changes can be made very rapidly. So I have seen dramas with potential turning into garbage because Korean viewers demand everything to be the same in every drama. This "promise with the viewers" almost got broken because of Han Ye Seul and Korean netizens hate her for it. Sadly, Korean netizens have control over what goes on in dramas because of how the system is set up. Just think about NBC and Community fans as an analogy for an American (and geez, that show went from being one of my favorite sitcoms to complete and utter shit.) Once netizens get the fuck out of the way and allow the producers, directors and writers to do their job instead of allowing dramas ending up as fanfiction, then the problem will finally be solved. But what am I saying? This is fucking Korea for fuck's sake.

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Waveya Gentleman Dance Cover

April 22, 2013, 12:11 am
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Are you awaiting Zaku's review of Psy's Gentleman MV? He'll get it up as soon as he realizes that he sucks at League of Legends and quits due to not being Korean.

You want my short review? It's fucking shit. The MV saves it, and Waveya's dance cover is even better than Psy's MV.

I would write more, but it's 3 am, and I just spent the majority of the past seven hours working on a God damn report. Besides, is anyone even reading the text when they visit the front page of AKF? There's UEE's ass, Han Ye Seul's cleavage, and now Waveya. Yeah, it'll be a few days before the majority of the readers remember that there's also text on this site to go along with the pictures and videos.
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Moon Chae Won Being Jjangbak

April 22, 2013, 4:51 pm
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Even though I'm a translator for Moon Chae Won's International Fansite, I somehow missed this video in the past few weeks. This is another article where no one will pay attention to what I write, but look forward to normal articles again within the next couple of days now that the semester is winding down.
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Cho Yong Pil - Hello

April 25, 2013, 6:01 pm
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Okay, I'm assuming 99% of the Kpop fans who read this blog have never heard of Cho Yong Pil, and I'm assuming 99.99% of general Kpop fans have never heard of him. Well, he's a legend for a reason. Surprisingly, Verbal Jint brought his A game in his verse. VJ has been phoning it in for the past few years, sucking major shit in his recent releases.

On unrelated news, I'll review some idol MVs this weekend. There's only going to be a few hundred people who even read this article, so I'm hoping that at least some of the readers enjoy a non-idol song.
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Teaser Galore - T-ara N4, Hello Venus, Secret, Po Minute, Lee Hyori

April 25, 2013, 6:36 pm
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While I generally don't write articles about teasers (since teasers are usually lies and get our hopes up for nothing), there are a lot of teasers showcasing some comebacks I'm interested in seeing.

There will be two scales for these teasers. The first one will be the standard 1-5 scale. This scale will rate how much I'm looking forward to listening to the song. The second scale is the flaccidity scale. The scale will be: renob, flaccid, semi-erection, rock-hard erection. Why? Well, because these are all girl group/solo artist comebacks, my penis will assess whether or not the comeback is worth looking forward to alongside my ears.

Teasers after the jump.


T-ara N4




This is just one of many teasers to come from T-ara N4. I have no idea what to expect from T-ara N4 because after Bo Peep Bo Peep, they have been a one-trick pony recycling the same song composed by Shinsadong Tiger. With Duble Sidekick at the helm and a different MV director (which I'm sure everyone is the happiest about), this could either be good or bad.

Song Anticipation: 4
Flaccidity Scale: Semi-Erection

I rated my anticipation a 4 mainly because it's about time T-ara does something different. We'll see whether it's actually good or not when the song comes out. On the flaccidity scale, I rated it a semi-erection. The hottest members are in the subunit...and then there's Areum. At least she doesn't completely look like ass in the teaser.

Hello Venus




Hello Venus is making another comeback while After School sits at home collecting money off of UEE's activities. It's hard to gauge someone's excitement for Hello Venus. Venus was a good idol song and they have quickly fallen from there. They do need a good song to solidify themselves.

Song Anticipation: 2
Flaccidity Scale: Rock-Hard Erection

I'm not really anticipating the song because HV's latest tracks hasn't lived up to expectations. They are stuck doing the same type of song, and this is already their fourth promotional track with a similar sound. On the other hand, the members look great, so the MV should be worth watching, even if I eventually have to mute the MV. Plus, Ara doesn't look as Frankenstein-ish here.

Secret




Secret is making a comeback and that's always a good thing in my books. However, this seems like a retread of what they did in 2011, so my excitement is down a bit.

Song Anticipation: 2.5
Flaccidity Scale: Rock-Hard Erection

Like I just stated, the teaser makes it seem like Secret is going to retread old ground. Shy Boy and Starlight Moonlight are my two least favorite Secret songs. However, Hyosung, Jieun and Sunhwa are hot as usual, so there's that to look forward to.

4minute




First, is anyone surprised that 4minute hasn't disbanded yet?

Song Anticipation: 1.5
Flaccidity Scale: Flaccid

Wow, maybe this is just a bad teaser, but there's nothing that makes me want to listen to the song or watch the MV. The song sounds recycled from their old singles, but worse. The fashion just sucks ass. This will most likely be a pass for me.

Lee Hyori




Song Anticipation: 0
Flaccidity Scale: Rock-Hard Erection

After H-Logic, I haven't really given a shit about Hyori. Half of that album was plagiarized and Shitty Shitty Gang Bang was awful. However, she's still hot, so I can at least watch the MV on mute.
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Jang Geun Suk studies for the TOEIC

April 28, 2013, 3:29 pm
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There's an article about Jang Geun Suk studying for the TOEIC.

My first response is why?

 
Jang Geun Suk is essentially the Bae Yong Joon of his generation in Japan. Not nearly as popular as "Yon-sama", but JGS is by and far the most popular Korean actor in Japan right now. He releases shit like this and has a shitload of fans to show for it.



I would say that he should just focus on Japanese if he can release diarrhea like this and still get a lot of fans to buy his shit. I would go down that route instead of studying for an English exam.
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Are Mexicans Illegally Crossing the DMZ into South Korea?

April 28, 2013, 3:37 pm
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Oh wait, that's just Naeun looking like a Mexican bitch now.

Not only is this the first lesbian couple on WGM, this is the first international couple with someone of a Hispanic ethnicity.

I think I may have solved an unanswered question that no one had asked in the first place.

 




If you have ever wondered why Naeun has a bigger ass than most Korean idols, it's because the bitch is Hispanic. The tacos and burritos went straight to her ass.
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Sunhwa is looking fine

April 28, 2013, 3:51 pm
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[Exposé] Chunji's On-Air Boner

April 28, 2013, 4:01 pm
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Some of you may have complained that there has been too much male-centric fanservice on AKF lately, and for good reason. There's been a plethora of fap material for those partial to the feminine curves, but let it not be said that AKF doesn't listen to the voice of the people.

For those of you not in the know, Teen Top's Chunji was caught on air trying to suppress an awfully awkward boner.

"DOWN BOY, DOWN."

From the awkward grin, to the repeated pushing down on his crotch, it's obvious that poor Chunji wasn't trying to fix an unfortunate fold in his pants. No ladies and gentlemen, this is the real deal. A fold in your pants doesn't snap back to attention like that. ;D

Teen Top fangirls across the globe spontaneously erupted in a fountain of bodily fluids and exploded ovaries at the sight of this gif rapidly propagating across social media sites. I don't blame em though, this shit is the real deal. This ain't no cucumber stuffing or pant fold or wistful thinking, this is a real opportunity to fuel fap dreams for those stans for a loooooooong time.

I hope you enjoy this, I think it killed my soul a little bit to write the article.
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[MV Review] T-ara N4 - Countryside Life

April 29, 2013, 12:49 pm
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In the teaser article, I listed T-ara N4's Countryside Life as the song I was most anticipating and the MV was semi-hard erection on the flaccidity scale. Somehow I was right, but for reasons that I didn't expect. The review is after the jump.



Upon first listening to the song, I facepalmed myself. If I had known Duble Sidekick was going to follow the trend of mashing 4 songs together, I would have preferred another Bo Peep Bo Peep/Roly Poly/Sexy Love/Lovey Dovey instead of this. I was about to give up on the song...until I paid attention to the lyrics.

Yes, where this song shines is the lyrics. While every other idol song ever is always about love, this song is a big "fuck you" to their haters. T-ara's metaphorical balls are so big that Randy would be jealous.


 

While there are already translations out there for these lyrics, I took it upon myself to translate them for you guys. The main reason is that the translated lyrics from the others out there are too tame. This is a big fuck you song, so I thug-ified the lyrics a bit while still making the translation accurate.


Why (Why) Why (Why) Why
[Ah! Fuck off]
Why (Why) Why (Why) Why
[Ah! Fuck off]

Every Monday that comes around is very annoying
Day in and day out, why are you holding onto me?
Please stop spewing the bullshit that I don't wanna hear
I'm out of here
To the Countryside Life

Woo~
Come to me, hold my hand, leave with me~

[Party People~]

Just enjoy your damn life
Dance throughout the night
Set aside your worries (Fuck off)
Turn off all of your phones
Empty your heads
Wash your damn feet or something; just go to fucking sleep already

Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-galing-galing-ga
Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-dding-dding-dding
Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-galing-galing-ga
Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-dding-dding-dding

Not much of a fucking sight, omo, that's what I think
Not much of a fucking sight, omo, that's what I think
I'll handle it, you have no business with me
Without even knowing shit, damn, that's what I think

But why, I'm living just fine, what's with you butting in
Look who's talking
Hush for a minute!  Stop giving a fuck about me
When living becomes a bit annoying
To the Countryside Life

Come to me, hold my hand, leave with me~


[Party People~]

Why (Why) Why (Why) Why [Ah! Fuck off]
Why (Why) Why (Why) Why [Ah! Fuck off]

Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-galing-galing-ga
Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-dding-dding-dding
Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-galing-galing-ga
Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-dding-dding-dding

Not much of a fucking sight, omo, that's what I think
Not much of a fucking sight, omo, that's what I think
I'll handle it, you have no business with me
Without even knowing shit, damn, that's what I think

Distressed and wounded hearts
One by one all of them will be embraced in my chest and they'll live
Don't worry
And even the cold wind goes by~

[Fuck off]

Why you hating Why why you hating
Why you hating Why why you hating
Why you hating Why why you hating
Why you hating Why why why you hating

Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-galing-galing-ga
Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-dding-dding-dding
Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-galing-galing-ga
Dding-galing-galing-ga dding-dding-dding-dding
 


Usually the music carries the lyrics in an idol song, but this is the very first time where I have enjoyed the lyrics to an idol song, and I love how T-ara is directing this song at their haters. It allows me to "accept" the mess that the actual music and arrangement is. SNSD's I Got Multiple Personality Disorder is one of the most popular articles on AKF, so everyone should know how I feel about four songs being mashed together. SNSD's and 4minute's songs are four pieces of shit thrown into a blender and coming out of Shindong's ass before being packaged into a "song". T-ara N4's Countryside Life at least has some transitions in the song, and thankfully so, since it's nowhere near as jarring as the song suddenly stopping and Jessica saying "Bring it back to 4/20."

Lastly, the three T-ara members looked good, which is always a great thing when watching a girl group MV.

 

See niggas, I do have two eyes!


 

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Rainbow is unpopular due to a lack of scandals?

May 1, 2013, 8:29 am
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Real Proof That Suzy Is A Fat Whore

May 3, 2013, 4:15 am
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Can You Listen To The Most Iconic Kpop Rap For Ten Minutes Straight?

May 3, 2013, 10:36 am
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