I love Girl's Day, but I honestly have no fucks to give to them this comeback. The Red Light album is my fucking jam right now and not even an MV featuring Sojin and Minah making out would stop me from giving all of my attention to f(x).
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Girl's Day Tries to Distract You from f(x)'s Red Light Album
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Yuan Ai Fei
While taking a break from studying Mandarin, I found this video. Yuan Ai Fei is now a new favorite Taiwanese actress of mine...for superficial reasons...Okay, every Asian actress I like is for superficial reasons...
I have to link to the last picture (here) because it's borderline NSFW and I don't want Google putting age restrictions on AKF like they did when Zaku posted Hwayoung's nipples.
Special Public Announcement from My Penis:
8=======D~~~~~~
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[Review] Hyomin - Nice Body
Hyomin released many teasers for Nice Body and luckily that was all she did. She simply wanted to remind all of us of Jiyeon's Nice Body, which the Cyclops Overlord displays in her live performances. Hyomin is so nice for drawing extra attention to Jiyeon's excellent 1 Minute 1 Second.
Unfortunately, that alternate reality doesn't exist (or I simply don't exist in that alternate reality.) Hyomin actually did release Nice Body, and well...it sucks. I've been putting off the review because I didn't want to listen to this song ever again.
I don't know what the bigger offense it: the 2NE1-inspired styling or the monotone beat composed by Brave Brothers. It's like deciding between what is worse between licking Shindong's asshole after he had explosive diarrhea or having sex with that chick from Akdong Musician without being able to put a paper bag over her head.
The beat in Nice Body is really uninspired, just like 99% of the songs Brave Brothers composes. It repeats itself ad nauseam, and refuses to change into anything interesting. Even the bridges of the song don't sound much different than the rest of the song. I wonder if Brave Brothers took a dump before composing this song and composed the song based on the rhythm that the turds were dropping out of his ass into the water below. "Plop...plop..." That's the whole fucking song.
So, the song is awful, but can the MV save it? Hell no. Hyomin sports a fashion style that only a 2NE1 stan could love. So, if you want to admire someone's nice body, you may as well skip this MV altogether and watch Jiyeon's cuts from the drama Triangle instead.
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How to Turn an Innocent Picture into a MS Paint Masterpiece
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Stage presence - what it is, what it isn't, and why your bias doesn't have any
I dropped a comment a while back stating that CL was the only female k-pop idol who displayed anything resembling stage presence. This horrified nearly everyone - fans of 2NE1 were concerned that this praise for CL was uncharacteristic of my normal online behaviour and perhaps indicative of massive hard drug use or mental breakdown, whereas everyone else was like "b-b-b-but, what about MY bias? I think they're great! Doesn't [insert bias here] have stage presence?"
![]()
Oh the wailing and gnashing of teeth when you tell a k-pop fan that their bias doesn't have stage presence.... but they really don't. This post will explain why they don't have it, and also why you shouldn't care.
As it happens, most people who inhabit the k-pop online-o-sphere misunderstand stage presence simply because they have no real idea about what the term "stage presence" actually means. Let's start off with a few things that stage presence is not. Stage presence isn't:
So what is stage presence, then? Well, as per usual all the people asking me about it could have just used Google:
![stagep]()
However, your average one-eyed k-pop fan will look at this definition and go "b...b...b..but my bias is impressive!" - well yes, of course he/she is - to you. You're so deeply in love with them that they could be in an office building downtown trimming their fingernails like Hwayoung and you could be watching them through the window using a telescope from Sasaeng HQ five miles away and you'd still be 'impressed' by their 'presence'. The key words here to remember in the definition above are not "impressiveness" or "manner or appearance" but "theatre audience". Ahhh.
Here's Bruce Dickinson, from well-known heavy metal group Iron Maiden, and probably one of the world's best practitioners of "stage presence", explaining perfectly how it works. Relevant parts at 0:16 and 1:21, and also observe his stage manner, where he completely dominates the (huge) stage and audience. Ignore the statement from the vocalfag in between who has been brought into the documentary purely for academic "metal should be taken as seriously as opera yes it should" brownie points and misses the point a little.
Contrast that to the following performance from k-pop nugus Bob Girls. Look at the girls, from 8:45, carefully adjusting their costumes and making sure they're in the right spot to start the choreo. Their strictly choreographed routine that they're not allowed to deviate from means that they have to play strictly by the stage's rules. They don't own the stage, the stage owns them. It's not their fault, nor does it reflect badly on them as performers - they simply have no choice in the matter. The tight format of idol pop that most groups have to work with simply doesn't allow traditional stage presence to exist.
Speaking of vocalfags (and this is relevant), a while ago I wrote a post explaining how the vocalfaggotry that Korean fans as well as western vocal thread creators use is all just personal taste and obsessive-compulsive-disorder because the techniques singers use for projection simply aren't needed in the 21st century when you've got a microphone right up to your lips and a team of audio technicians armed with the latest toys in vocal tweaking at your beck and call. Vocal techniques were developed in pre-modern days when getting that voice to the back of the hall without microphones was important, but nowadays it doesn't matter because the technology does it for you. Yes, you can make a subjective determination "I like singer X because they're using techniques that singer Y doesn't have any idea about, and that sounds nicer to my ear" or you can say "because singer X is using better techniques they won't hurt their throat or lose their voice as much as singer Y, and gosh that would be a shame if Y had to quit singing for this reason" but there's no objective reason why X is better than Y sonically from a listener's point of view. You could write a whole thesis about vocal techniques and how Mariah Carey has better technique than Bob Dylan and it'd all be correct but if the listener likes listening to Bob Dylan's voice more, why does it even matter? In the 19th century yes it would have mattered because Bob wouldn't have been able to be heard beyond the first two rows of audience whereas Mariah could be heard to the back of the room, but in the 21st century where everyone's all amplified and shit, it does not matter a bit. This is why I refuse to get drawn into arguments with vocalfags - the mere act of discussing these points is giving their perspective a relevance that it objectively doesn't have. Nothing that they are saying is technically wrong or untrue by default, it just simply doesn't matter to the hyper-technology world of modern music in any way other than subjective taste. That's why the new girl selected for KARA was the prettiest one, not the best singer... as if it was ever going to turn out any other way.
![youngji cy]()
It's relevant to the stage presence discussion because there's a similar kind of analogy that can be made with stage presence. In the old days of theatre performance, stage presence was a vital determining factor as to how effective a performance would be. If you've ever seen anyone with "theatre makeup" in any other environment than on an actual stage, you'll know that theatre makeup often looks fucking disgusting up close, and that's because such makeup is meant to make an impression from far away. Correspondingly, theatrical performers also tend to exaggerate their movements, speech and gestures, to make their stage presence as large as possible, so they can make an impact across the entire hall. Just like there's no point in a 19th century opera singer affecting a fey, whispery vocal tone, there's no point in a theatrical performer making a small subtle movement that only the first two rows are close enough to see if they're performing in front of an audience of 500.
![eunjungcin cy]()
Once again however, just like with vocal performance, modern technology changes everything. Actors for TV don't ham it up as much as theatrical performers because cameras can zoom in and capture those small details that will be missed by a live audience, making the old exaggerated techniques for presence projection irrelevant (not to mention often silly-looking). Makeup for televised performances is also more subtle than the old-style theatre makeup, and is designed to enhance and/or cover small details rather than make a bold impression at range. Likewise, the k-pop performer doesn't actually need stage presence to reach the back of a room because there are a bunch of compensatory factors:
Companies know all this, so they don't bother to train idols in stage presence... instead they train them to interact with cameras, and only the first few rows of audience - that smiling-waving shit we all know about. Companies know that the combination of their technology and your deludu brain will fill in the mental blanks required and you'll have the false impression that they have stage presence anyway (as well as moral virtue, riches, a clean-living lifestyle, intelligence, emotional maturity, etc). CL probably has stage presence by accident by virtue of having a highly aggressive alpha personality that's usually whipped mercilessly out of idols long before they debut so they can be more "charming" (it's easily visible on their "Nolza" live DVD, she stands apart from the other members massively in this area whenever she gets the chance to break from the choreo) and she is the only idol who has it, and don't waste your time linking me examples of other idols who you think might have it because:
Glad that's settled, then.
![stageee]()
Oh the wailing and gnashing of teeth when you tell a k-pop fan that their bias doesn't have stage presence.... but they really don't. This post will explain why they don't have it, and also why you shouldn't care.
As it happens, most people who inhabit the k-pop online-o-sphere misunderstand stage presence simply because they have no real idea about what the term "stage presence" actually means. Let's start off with a few things that stage presence is not. Stage presence isn't:
- being charming
- being pretty
- smiling and waving a lot
- being a "good singer" (in technical vocalfag terms, ugh)
- wearing a cool outfit
- not wearing a cool outfit (i.e stripping)
- doing little heart signs and aegyo and shit
- crying or showing other emotion
- stunning stage lighting
- loud volume
- great staging props
- being above a certain height (you'd be amazed how short a lot of well-known western rock stars are)
So what is stage presence, then? Well, as per usual all the people asking me about it could have just used Google:
However, your average one-eyed k-pop fan will look at this definition and go "b...b...b..but my bias is impressive!" - well yes, of course he/she is - to you. You're so deeply in love with them that they could be in an office building downtown trimming their fingernails like Hwayoung and you could be watching them through the window using a telescope from Sasaeng HQ five miles away and you'd still be 'impressed' by their 'presence'. The key words here to remember in the definition above are not "impressiveness" or "manner or appearance" but "theatre audience". Ahhh.
Here's Bruce Dickinson, from well-known heavy metal group Iron Maiden, and probably one of the world's best practitioners of "stage presence", explaining perfectly how it works. Relevant parts at 0:16 and 1:21, and also observe his stage manner, where he completely dominates the (huge) stage and audience. Ignore the statement from the vocalfag in between who has been brought into the documentary purely for academic "metal should be taken as seriously as opera yes it should" brownie points and misses the point a little.
Contrast that to the following performance from k-pop nugus Bob Girls. Look at the girls, from 8:45, carefully adjusting their costumes and making sure they're in the right spot to start the choreo. Their strictly choreographed routine that they're not allowed to deviate from means that they have to play strictly by the stage's rules. They don't own the stage, the stage owns them. It's not their fault, nor does it reflect badly on them as performers - they simply have no choice in the matter. The tight format of idol pop that most groups have to work with simply doesn't allow traditional stage presence to exist.
Speaking of vocalfags (and this is relevant), a while ago I wrote a post explaining how the vocalfaggotry that Korean fans as well as western vocal thread creators use is all just personal taste and obsessive-compulsive-disorder because the techniques singers use for projection simply aren't needed in the 21st century when you've got a microphone right up to your lips and a team of audio technicians armed with the latest toys in vocal tweaking at your beck and call. Vocal techniques were developed in pre-modern days when getting that voice to the back of the hall without microphones was important, but nowadays it doesn't matter because the technology does it for you. Yes, you can make a subjective determination "I like singer X because they're using techniques that singer Y doesn't have any idea about, and that sounds nicer to my ear" or you can say "because singer X is using better techniques they won't hurt their throat or lose their voice as much as singer Y, and gosh that would be a shame if Y had to quit singing for this reason" but there's no objective reason why X is better than Y sonically from a listener's point of view. You could write a whole thesis about vocal techniques and how Mariah Carey has better technique than Bob Dylan and it'd all be correct but if the listener likes listening to Bob Dylan's voice more, why does it even matter? In the 19th century yes it would have mattered because Bob wouldn't have been able to be heard beyond the first two rows of audience whereas Mariah could be heard to the back of the room, but in the 21st century where everyone's all amplified and shit, it does not matter a bit. This is why I refuse to get drawn into arguments with vocalfags - the mere act of discussing these points is giving their perspective a relevance that it objectively doesn't have. Nothing that they are saying is technically wrong or untrue by default, it just simply doesn't matter to the hyper-technology world of modern music in any way other than subjective taste. That's why the new girl selected for KARA was the prettiest one, not the best singer... as if it was ever going to turn out any other way.
It's relevant to the stage presence discussion because there's a similar kind of analogy that can be made with stage presence. In the old days of theatre performance, stage presence was a vital determining factor as to how effective a performance would be. If you've ever seen anyone with "theatre makeup" in any other environment than on an actual stage, you'll know that theatre makeup often looks fucking disgusting up close, and that's because such makeup is meant to make an impression from far away. Correspondingly, theatrical performers also tend to exaggerate their movements, speech and gestures, to make their stage presence as large as possible, so they can make an impact across the entire hall. Just like there's no point in a 19th century opera singer affecting a fey, whispery vocal tone, there's no point in a theatrical performer making a small subtle movement that only the first two rows are close enough to see if they're performing in front of an audience of 500.
Once again however, just like with vocal performance, modern technology changes everything. Actors for TV don't ham it up as much as theatrical performers because cameras can zoom in and capture those small details that will be missed by a live audience, making the old exaggerated techniques for presence projection irrelevant (not to mention often silly-looking). Makeup for televised performances is also more subtle than the old-style theatre makeup, and is designed to enhance and/or cover small details rather than make a bold impression at range. Likewise, the k-pop performer doesn't actually need stage presence to reach the back of a room because there are a bunch of compensatory factors:
- Performances for TV only really need to be played to the cameras, not the live audience
- A large group of people dancing together in synchronised fashion makes a bigger impression and can be seen from further away, which is one reason for those big boy groups and also why even solo performers have backing dancers for upbeat songs
- On live stages camera feeds can be shown to the audience on projected screens to make the idols' image more up close and personal
- Modern arena concert stages often have gangways so the performers can walk out into the audience and get closer, reducing the need to project as far
- Emotional attachment to the idols will make the idol seem larger than life in the eyes of the audience regardless
Companies know all this, so they don't bother to train idols in stage presence... instead they train them to interact with cameras, and only the first few rows of audience - that smiling-waving shit we all know about. Companies know that the combination of their technology and your deludu brain will fill in the mental blanks required and you'll have the false impression that they have stage presence anyway (as well as moral virtue, riches, a clean-living lifestyle, intelligence, emotional maturity, etc). CL probably has stage presence by accident by virtue of having a highly aggressive alpha personality that's usually whipped mercilessly out of idols long before they debut so they can be more "charming" (it's easily visible on their "Nolza" live DVD, she stands apart from the other members massively in this area whenever she gets the chance to break from the choreo) and she is the only idol who has it, and don't waste your time linking me examples of other idols who you think might have it because:
- I'll tell you right now in advance that they don't and
- If you're still even thinking that this question is even important, you've just missed the point of this entire post.
Glad that's settled, then.
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Kpopalypse and AKF's Red Light Mission - Part 1
Hey everyone, great news! As two of the only authors on AKF that love f(x)'s Red Light and two of the only authors that write fanfics on here, we had the bright idea of teaming up to write a fanfic together. We're still working on this on the side as we both focus on the articles we normally do, but we'll try to post a new part once every two weeks or so. We already have a basic outline of how things are going to transpire, but even we don't know the details of what we're going to write. Essentially, Kpopalypse writes some of it, then I write some of it. We feed off each other, so don't be surprised in later chapters if the fanfic becomes disturbing...wait, that's the reason you guys continue to visit the site in the first place.
For continuity, this version of AKF is based off the character AKF from the Fanfic Fridays: AKF Bangs Every Member In Popu Lady and Thus Spake Jiyeonthustra fanfics I wrote in April. The Kpopalypse character is also a fictionalized version of himself.
Many moons have passed since AKF had set out on a journey to Korea to find the mythical Cyclops Overlord that had reportedly healed him back to life. The seasons had changed too, and AKF knew that while life was bleak, summer meant an f(x) comeback. While he could not find the Cyclops Overlord to heal him, he had the thought that Chinese Sex Goddess Victoria might be able to heal him.
Early July rolled around and f(x) was set to release "Red Light." AKF was ecstatic for it, as any sane K-pop fan would be. However, on the day the MV finally came out, AKF was not able to view it on YouTube, but was able to listen to the song.
"Shit, UCAAD, this is song of the year material right here. I really wish I could watch the MV right now, but it's probably for the best that I can't watch it right now," lamented AKF as he looked down at his crotch. "Ever since those fucking skanks in Popu Lady chopped off my dick, I've had no desire to watch anything that would want to make me fap. I'm sure taking one look at Victoria would make me rage like a Tyrannosaurus Rex trying to jack off."
A few days had passed and SM Entertainment released the "Red Light" album. AKF went to the nearest store and purchased it because he wanted to support SM financially so that they would keep producing high-quality albums for f(x). AKF looked around and was perplexed to see no one else buying the album. The thought occurred to him that many people were either downloading the album or buying it online.
Once AKF returned to his hotel room, he opened the CD case and saw a letter enclosed. It stated that any f(x) fan who loved "Red Light" and the album was invited to a special fan meeting held the following week. AKF tossed the letter up into the air and pumped his fists. "You bet your God damn ass that I am going."
AKF had spent the next week listening to the "Red Light" album and the day of the fan meeting finally arrived. The location was a small auditorium with enough space to hold about 1,000 fans. AKF knew he had to leave early to make sure he got there in time.
Once AKF had arrived at the auditorium, he opened the door and saw many empty seats facing the stage lined up. Not a single person was there. "I must be here really early," muttered AKF as he walked toward the front to get a good seat. He turned on his MP3 player and listened to "Red Light" for the billionth time in the past week. "There's no way I could be the only person to love this song. I just wish I had been able to watch the music video, but my Internet had to Internet and not work." AKF finally took a seat in the first row at the very center and continued listening to the "Red Light" while awaiting for the fan meeting to start.
Meanwhile, Kpopalypse was sitting at his computer, busy sorting and answering his 673 ask.fm questions for the day while his big black cat Satan purred in the background. Kpopalypse scrolled down the near-endless list of death threats, marriage proposals and Raina boob GIFs to the section right at the bottom where the “thoughts?” questions about k-pop songs lived – these are the questions he always delays as long as possible. He eyed off the first question in the list:
“I'd better clear some of this fucking backlog of boring shit”, Kpopalypse sighed heavily. He clicked the link, minimised the YouTube video, flipped back to ask.fm and readied his fingers on the I, D, G, A and F keys for the anticipated response... but something unexpected happened. The song was actually good - not just good meaning good, but good meaning very good, a sonically adventurous electro-pop song, a breath of fresh air in the staid k-pop world of schmaltzy tedious ballads for emotionally stunted mental cripples, hideous technique-obsessed pandering to obsessive compulsive disorders of vocalfags and retreaded Bravesound-by-numbers. “What is this sorcery – someone actually sent me a song that doesn't lick a camel's ass?” Kpopalypse exclaimed as he clicked back to the YouTube video and read the title of the song. “Oh, it's the new f(x)... well, that explains it,” he thought.
Just then, a pop-up appeared on his screen:
“Hah! As if I'm going to fall for such an obvious scam,” Kpopalypse smirked. Just then Kpopalypse's cat Satan jumped up on the computer desk, knocked his mouse hand and forced his index finger down onto the gaudily-flashing “confirm” box. Kpopalypse's heart sunk – “oh shit, what have I done...” he wondered, quickly closing all his browser windows and running a malware and virus scan, lest he had just inadvertently sent his bank account details and passwords to an enterprising hacker in Burnika Faso. With nothing found, he thought no more of it and went to sleep, the chorus of “Red Light” going around and around in his head.
Two days later, Kpopalypse was checking his mailbox. In between the bills, notices from the local council admonishing him for excessive k-pop noise from his flat and letters from jilted ex-lovers saying that they're willing to give the relationship another chance as long as he is willing to restrict his “Sulli fap hour” to 30 minutes, was a letter postmarked from SM Entertainment in Korea. In disbelief, Kpopalypse tore open the envelope to reveal airplane and auditorium tickets! Kpopalypse resolved to always click dodgy Internet scams from this point onward, and made the necessary travel arrangements.
It was good weather with clear skies on the day that Kpopalypse arrived at the auditorium – a modest 1000-seat venue, it was easy to find, draped in gigantic rows of f(x) “Red Light” promotional posters.
Kpopalypse made his way through the foyer, handing in his tickets to a clerk with an extremely bored expression on her face, who dutifully rubber stamped his arm and ushered him into the venue. Kpopalypse walked out into the seating area to... nobody. He checked his phone for the time... was he too early or late? Did he have the right day? He peered into the front rows and noticed only one other person in the front, waiting. “Well, might as well go and say hello, maybe this person knows a bit more about what's going on.”
Kpopalypse walked up to the front row and called out for attention.
“Excuse me... is this really the f(x) fan meet?” he asked.
The man in the front row turned around and they instantly recognised each other – it was AKF! “Heey, my UCAAD!” AKF exclaimed, shaking Kpopalypse's hand. “Glad to finally meet! I was beginning to think that nobody would show!”
Kpopalypse reciprocated the handshake. “Good to see you! This is the f(X) fan meet, right?”
“Sure! Well... I think so!”
“So where is everyone?”
A moment of silence from AKF, and then he replied "I honestly have no idea. You would assume that more people would be here considering how awesome the song is."
Kpopalypse nodded in agreement. "I'm sure most people don't have shit taste like Zaku."
AKF laughed and replied "Yeah, that UCAAD fingers his butthole to the Korean version of Spock for Christ's sake."
 |
| This is how every dream Zaku has with TOP starts out. |
AKF pulled out his new Galaxy S5, as he finally entered the 21st century by buying his first smartphone. "I'm going to check to see if SM cockblocked us and canceled the event at last minute." AKF checked SM Entertainment's Facebook and Twitter accounts and found out that the event was still scheduled for the same time. "Well, I have no idea what's going on," said AKF as he perused more sites to find any information.
"I have an idea," said Kpopalypse as he asked for AKF's phone. "I probably have another 500 questions in my ask.fm, so maybe I can find out why no one is showing up." AKF handed Kpopalypse his phone and allowed him to log onto ask.fm. Kpopalypse was off, as he had 5,000 new questions, with 4,900 of them being about how much "Red Light" sucks.
"Hey AKF, a lot of cunts don't like the song. I expect UCAADs that have shitty taste like Zaku to dislike it, but for this many people to say that it sucks, something must be wrong here," stated Kpopalypse as he kept scrolling through his questions. "Most of them are complaining about the music video."
"Were you able to watch the music video?" inquired AKF. "I wasn't able to watch the MV because I was too busy listening to this jjangbak album."
"No," replied Kpopalypse. " I opened up the link when someone sent it to me on ask.fm, but I opened it up in another tab. You have no idea how horrible it is to try to watch a music video on YouTube because of Tony Abbott. Getting a boner from watching Shindong molesting IU is more likely to happen than watching a music video on YouTube without it buffering all the time."
Kpopalypse went to YouTube on AKF's phone and clicked on the link to watch the "Red Light" music video. After four agonizing minutes of watching the music video, AKF and Kpopalypse looked at each other in disgust.
"No wonder people think the song sucks," blurted out Kpopalypse. "The members look like shit and I can't fap to Sulli with her wearing this outfit."
_red_light_canima.jpg)
AKF nodded in agreement. "That wig the stylists put on Chinese Sex Goddess Victoria was cruel. Don't even get me started on Krystal. The bitch is usually hot, but with the blond hair, she looks too much like a white woman. Don't you remember that I don't find white women appealing? "
"I just checked Netizen Buzz, and while losing a few brain cells in the process, found out that Koreans really hate this song," said Kpopalypse as he was navigating through numerous dumb comments. "Sure, they're excited for g.o.d's sleep-inducing album, but I didn't expect the reaction to be this bad."
"Yeah, even that male backup dancer who gets a rap section or two in every song didn't ruin it," stated AKF. "What was his name again? Andy?"
"I think it might be Aaron, but I really don't give a fuck," replied Kpopalypse. "Even if Aaron was a girl, she wouldn't meet required standards."
Just then, the sound of footsteps echoed from the stage and an announcer dressed in a tuxedo holding a microphone approached the stage, grabbed a microphone and began his introduction speech.
“LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, WELCOME TO THE F(X) FAN MEET, GLAD TO have you...”
The man's voice trailed off as he stared at the only two people in the room, AKF and Kpopalypse, who stared right back at him with blank expressions.
“Wait... you guys are IT?” the announcer asked.
AFK and Kpopalypse both shrugged.
“There wasn't a mixup with the advertising, was there? People know it's today?”
“I guess,” said Kpopalypse.
“People just hate the song because they're stupid,” AKF added.
The announcer looked puzzled. “Really?”
“Yeah, apparently,” Kpopalypse added. “Look – I've come a long way for this shit, do we get to see the girls now or what?”
“I don't know if it's worth it for just two people... oh, what the hell.” The announcer looked off to the side of the stage and waved his arms for someone to come over. The f(x) girls entered from the side of the stage in single file, all wearing their Red Light clothes and hair, plus big fake cheesy grins. As each girl took position and realised the lack of people in the room, the smiles dropped off their faces and the facade instantly disappeared.
“Oh you've got to be fucking kidding me,” said Krystal, looking around at the empty hall.
“Did somebody get the dates wrong?” asked Victoria.
“Cao ni ma,” sighed Sulli, under her breath.
Luna grimaced. “We're not supposed to be swearing in front of the fans, we're idols! Come on, team, let's have a positive attitude...”
Krystal and Sulli both visibly roll their eyes. “Bitch, there ARE no fucking fans!” yelled Krystal.
Sulli glared at Luna: “There's like, two fucking people here, like what we say even fucking matters! Luna, why do you always have to be such a cunt about everything? I've fucking had it with your goody two-shoes act, you pretend you're so nice but you're so fucking fake...”
Luna sneered at Sulli, narrowing her eyes. “It's just a suggestion. It's not Choiza's two-inch dick – you don't have to take it so hard.”
 |
| Sulli can't even feel Choiza's dick while doing a photo shoot. |
Sulli flew into a rage. “I'm going to rip your throat out, your fucking mole!” Sulli made a lunge towards Luna, attempting to grab her by the hair, but Amber quickly positioned herself in the way, her muscular frame easily deflecting the assault. Amber looked over at AKF and Kpopalypse, both transfixed by the action. “Guys, there's no point using the stage for this. Just come around to the side door and the manager will take you backstage. We'll meet up there shortly. I've just got to take care of something here for a moment.”
“Thanks, Aaron!” said Kpopalypse.
AKF and Kpopalypse sat on a bench in a small backstage room, waiting.
“I was so caught up in what was going on that I forgot to take video, I've been dying to try out my new phone's video capture,” said AKF.
Kpopalypse laughed. “That's a shame, it would have made a great fancam post. Who do you think won the fight?”
Just then, the f(x) girls came into the room and sat in a line on a bench along the wall. Sulli and Luna both have noticeable facial bruising and sit together, not making eye contact with each other. All five members look tired and frustrated.
Amber was the first to speak. “Look, thanks guys for coming out. I know there's only two of you, but we really appreciate it that you made the effort.”
“That's okay, Andy – it's my pleasure!” said Kpopalypse. AKF and Kpopalypse both shake hands with Amber, noticing patches of blood on her knuckles.
Krystal removed the long chain jewelry from her head. “Fucking hair, fucking shitty costume”, she muttered to herself, yanking the chain links knotted inside her layers of white hair.
Victoria looked at AKF, square in the eye. “I'm not going to lie to you. We brought you back here for a reason. We need you.”
“Well, why didn't you say so earlier....” AKF smiled, reaching for his belt buckle.
Victoria put her hand up to stop him. “No, not like that. I mean, we need you two to do something for us.”
Krystal waved her white hair with her hand. “I'm sure by now you've noticed that we all look fucking ridiculous. Red Light is a great song, probably our best, but our stylists fucked us over. That's why nobody came to our fan meet... we look awful.”
Victoria added: “We'll never claim our rightful place as the top girl group in k-pop with those idiots controlling how we look. We need someone to do something about it. We need someone to...”
“...kill them,” hissed Sulli, deliberately staring down Luna while mouthing the words. Amber raised an eyebrow at Sulli, silently warning her to keep in line.
“So, will you do it? Please?” Victoria stared directly at AKF, with a hopeful expression.
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Just a friendly reminder that...
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AOA's Mina
I never really paid much attention to AOA despite talking to a lot of people that like the group. Well, after finding out that Mina was used in porn ads, I thought she looked cute and went to tumblr and YouTube for "research."
I found some tumblr gif sets (here) and (here) that I liked.
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Sojin-Makes me feel like a man!
My Penis
Her Butt
My Penis
Her Mouth
My Penis
Her Vagina
My Penis
Her Armpit
My Penis
Her Stomach
My Penis
Her Penis...
My virgin butthole :/
 |
| Please be gentle! |
 |
| I wonder how smelly her undies were after....or did she even wear undies? |
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| bitch face! Mic near her glorious virgin hole. |
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| Phuck!My arm is hot! |
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| CHOZEN! |
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[MV Review] Taeyang - Eyes, Nose, Lips
This song is so boring that it has been extremely hard for me to review ever since it came out. Every single person involved in this song and music video didn't even try, so I shouldn't either.
*paragraph here explaining how boring the song is because the instrumental goes nowhere*
*paragraph making fun of the music video because the director didn't even try*
*paragraph here describing something extremely disgusting that I would rather do than to listen to this song ever again*
*MS Paint pictures here*
*paragraph here about how fucking lazy Teddy has become, but then I come to understand him because the less time he spends on writing these awful songs that YG stans eat up, the more time he has to bang Han Ye Seul*
*insert my own cover that is infinitely better than the covers released by Akdong Musician and Tablo, since both of those covers sucked as well*
*insert pictures of diarrhea splattered all over bathroom stalls, because that is what this song truly is*
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Sport and k-pop should not mix
Sport. I'm against it generally, and I'm even more against it in k-pop. This post is about why sport and k-pop need to remain separate, and I've made it because it's one of those things that people are always asking me about. Usually I just say "I'm a musician - sport is against my religion" when people ask but since you blog readers are so lovely I feel like I owe you a little more detail and entertainment than that. Also I'm not seeing anyone else blogging about this shit and it's a Kpopalypse specialty to brazenly wander into topics that other bloggers won't touch with a ten foot T-ara lightstick for fear of being cyber-stoned to death by the Internet hordes.
![tarasport]()
WARNING: this post may contain Australian cultural trufax, including gratuitous references to Drop Bears.
I don't know what it's like in other countries, but in Australia, sport is a big thing down here and probably the biggest cultural pastime that we have besides getting incredibly drunk and having outdoor barbeques every month of the year. (I know what you people from other countries are thinking, especially those of you who had to endure Paul Hogan's horrid tourism advertising, but "shrimp on the barbie" is an advertising line for foreign consumption only - in Australia we don't even call them "shrimp" and most barbeque is sausages and kebabs becauseshrimp prawns that are big enough to not fall through the metal cracks in the barbeque grill are just too fucking expensive. Oh look at me getting all sidetracked and it's only the opening paragraph. I can already tell that this is going to be a weird post.) No matter where you go in Australia, you can't avoid sport, it's fucking impossible because that shit is everywhere. Believe me, I've tried - it can't be done.
Growing up I noticed that only my school's total fuckheads were good at sport so I drew the sensible conclusion early on in life that sport sucked a bag of dicks and I didn't want any part of it so I logically took refuge in the world of music. Music is sport's natural arch-nemesis, the Yin to sport's Yang. Key contrasts between the worlds of sport and music include but are not limited to the following:
We can see the negative mix of sport and music here in two ways.
1. It negatively affects the music. The song is shit. There is sport in the music video. Wassup aren't usually quite this bad, so therefore, it's sport's fault.
2. It negatively affects the sport. Wassup are apparently one of the biggest k-pop groups in Brazil. and their song was made to cheer on Brazil (not Korea, because Wassup troll k-netz for laughs just like me) in the World Cup. Gosh, that didn't work out so well, did it. Coincidence? I doubt it. Brazil's unusually poor sporting performance in the 2014 World Cup is obviously related to the Brazilian team jerking it too much to Wassup's video - and who can blame them?
Clearly, it would be best if music and sport were kept far apart.
My guitar students are always getting injuries from stupid fucking compulsory school sport and having to take time off from my lessons to heal their broken arms and hands. I keep telling their parents "tell the kid to not attend sport at all, sport is Mickey Mouse bullshit, it won't help their career - write the little shits a note to give to their Phys Ed teacher saying that the kid has got terminal ass cancer and is exempt from all sports games on doctor's orders" but it never works. The parents always just mutter something about "needing exercise" as if sport is the only source of exercise that exists and refuse to heed my advice... then the kid just breaks another arm a few weeks later. So much for the supposed health benefits, I must have missed the memo on how it's so fucking healthy to break a new bone in your body every two months. Likewise, stupid Idol Star Athletics in Korea injures fappable k-pop performers like AOA's Seolhyun, preventing their appearance in comebacks.
This is obviously not acceptable. Seolhyun isn't even my fave but AOA is a rare group where every member meets required standards and we really need all hands (and boobs, and asses, and legs, and...) on deck to maximisefap music appreciaton.
Here's Super Junior back in 2010 milking the success of "Sorry Sorry" for the 153rd time, using the same dances and rhythms that we've heard from them ad nauseam with minor variations, I guess even SM realised that some shitty soccer game wasn't worth the effort of writing a whole new song or coming up with any new ideas. No need to mention how much motivation to perform this shitty song gave the Korean team of course, we already know. Shit tossed-off song, shitty team performance - everybody loses when sport and k-pop mix.
![hyomath]()
![hyomath2]()
I find the soccer ball patterns on the front of the costumes confusing to the eye, it makes it hard to make out the contours of the Orange Caramel member's boobs underneath the clothing. Obviously if they weren't performing for some World Cup bullshit the patterns would be different and the opportunity for fap wouldn't have been squandered.
![exo_win_musiccore_082413]()
Does anyone with a life actually give a fuck who wins and loses what on a music TV show? Of course not, if you have half a brain in your head you only care about if you like the song or not and you're just happy that your favourite group was able to get on the show at all to perform the song so you could watch them. However to the world's fuckwits, winning and losing on shows like this is terribly important, and that mentality comes from applying a sport-based competitive attitude to music. I've blogged before about why music competitions are all bullshit and nothing has changed since then... as if EXO's "Growl" beating out Crayon Pop's "Bar Bar Bar" wasn't enough of a tipoff that something's amiss.
See what bullshit music we have to endure because people win music competitions? Moving right along.
![Shindong.3jpg]()
So that oughta do it. If these nine points haven't convinced you of the strength of my argument, nothing will. Of course if you love sport then all is well and good just keep it the fuck away from music because those two things shouldn't be mixed. It's like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters - you just don't do it. This has been a Kpopalypse Community Service Anouncement.
WARNING: this post may contain Australian cultural trufax, including gratuitous references to Drop Bears.
I don't know what it's like in other countries, but in Australia, sport is a big thing down here and probably the biggest cultural pastime that we have besides getting incredibly drunk and having outdoor barbeques every month of the year. (I know what you people from other countries are thinking, especially those of you who had to endure Paul Hogan's horrid tourism advertising, but "shrimp on the barbie" is an advertising line for foreign consumption only - in Australia we don't even call them "shrimp" and most barbeque is sausages and kebabs because
Growing up I noticed that only my school's total fuckheads were good at sport so I drew the sensible conclusion early on in life that sport sucked a bag of dicks and I didn't want any part of it so I logically took refuge in the world of music. Music is sport's natural arch-nemesis, the Yin to sport's Yang. Key contrasts between the worlds of sport and music include but are not limited to the following:
- Sport has cooperative elements but is fundamentally about competition, while music has competitive elements but is fundamentally about cooperation
- Sport injuries keep musicians from practising their instruments, while listening to music prevents sport players from hearing their teammates warn them about the hockey puck that is flying toward their head and about to slice their eye in half
- Many sport players aren't allowed to excel at their craft when on drugs, while many musicians aren't allowed to excel at their craft when off drugs
Sport and k-pop should not mix example 1: Wassup's "Fire"
We can see the negative mix of sport and music here in two ways.
1. It negatively affects the music. The song is shit. There is sport in the music video. Wassup aren't usually quite this bad, so therefore, it's sport's fault.
2. It negatively affects the sport. Wassup are apparently one of the biggest k-pop groups in Brazil. and their song was made to cheer on Brazil (not Korea, because Wassup troll k-netz for laughs just like me) in the World Cup. Gosh, that didn't work out so well, did it. Coincidence? I doubt it. Brazil's unusually poor sporting performance in the 2014 World Cup is obviously related to the Brazilian team jerking it too much to Wassup's video - and who can blame them?
Clearly, it would be best if music and sport were kept far apart.
Sport and k-pop should not mix example 2: Idol Star Athletics
My guitar students are always getting injuries from stupid fucking compulsory school sport and having to take time off from my lessons to heal their broken arms and hands. I keep telling their parents "tell the kid to not attend sport at all, sport is Mickey Mouse bullshit, it won't help their career - write the little shits a note to give to their Phys Ed teacher saying that the kid has got terminal ass cancer and is exempt from all sports games on doctor's orders" but it never works. The parents always just mutter something about "needing exercise" as if sport is the only source of exercise that exists and refuse to heed my advice... then the kid just breaks another arm a few weeks later. So much for the supposed health benefits, I must have missed the memo on how it's so fucking healthy to break a new bone in your body every two months. Likewise, stupid Idol Star Athletics in Korea injures fappable k-pop performers like AOA's Seolhyun, preventing their appearance in comebacks.
This is obviously not acceptable. Seolhyun isn't even my fave but AOA is a rare group where every member meets required standards and we really need all hands (and boobs, and asses, and legs, and...) on deck to maximise
Sport and k-pop should not mix example 3: Super Junior's "Victory"
Here's Super Junior back in 2010 milking the success of "Sorry Sorry" for the 153rd time, using the same dances and rhythms that we've heard from them ad nauseam with minor variations, I guess even SM realised that some shitty soccer game wasn't worth the effort of writing a whole new song or coming up with any new ideas. No need to mention how much motivation to perform this shitty song gave the Korean team of course, we already know. Shit tossed-off song, shitty team performance - everybody loses when sport and k-pop mix.
Sport and k-pop should not mix example 4: Hyomin fap
This...
...or this?
Case closed. Sport, leave Hyomin alone.
Sport and k-pop should not mix example 5: Ailee's "Fighting Spirit"
So between creating web traffic for 6Theory and singing dicksucking western pop ballads Ailee recorded a World Cup song this year and it's more listenable than the last couple of feature tracks she's done but then so is just about anything. Of course because it's for a sport thing she has to dress as unflatteringly as possible so she doesn't make ugly fat couch-potato TV sport addicts feel bad, which is reason enough to add this song to the list of reasons why k-pop and sport shouldn't be together.
Sport and k-pop should not mix example 6: Orange Caramel fap
I find the soccer ball patterns on the front of the costumes confusing to the eye, it makes it hard to make out the contours of the Orange Caramel member's boobs underneath the clothing. Obviously if they weren't performing for some World Cup bullshit the patterns would be different and the opportunity for fap wouldn't have been squandered.
Sport and k-pop should not mix example 7: Music Fucking Core
Does anyone with a life actually give a fuck who wins and loses what on a music TV show? Of course not, if you have half a brain in your head you only care about if you like the song or not and you're just happy that your favourite group was able to get on the show at all to perform the song so you could watch them. However to the world's fuckwits, winning and losing on shows like this is terribly important, and that mentality comes from applying a sport-based competitive attitude to music. I've blogged before about why music competitions are all bullshit and nothing has changed since then... as if EXO's "Growl" beating out Crayon Pop's "Bar Bar Bar" wasn't enough of a tipoff that something's amiss.
Sport and k-pop should not mix example 8: Akdong Musician's "Give Love"
See what bullshit music we have to endure because people win music competitions? Moving right along.
Sport and k-pop should not mix example 9: Shindong in a karate uniform
Scarier than a drop bear, and possibly twice as hungry.
So that oughta do it. If these nine points haven't convinced you of the strength of my argument, nothing will. Of course if you love sport then all is well and good just keep it the fuck away from music because those two things shouldn't be mixed. It's like crossing the streams in Ghostbusters - you just don't do it. This has been a Kpopalypse Community Service Anouncement.
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BESTie celebrates first anniversary
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Nam Gyuri for Grazia
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Hyuna Wants to Take it up the Butt for Her Comeback
WHAT A WHORE! SHE'S SPREADING HER ASS CHEEKS FOR HER MALE FANS! SEE FELLOW FANGIRLS, WE FINALLY HAVE DEFINITIVE PROOF THAT HYUNA IS A SKANK AND TAKES IT UP THE POOP SHOOT DAILY!
ONLY OUR KWEEN HYORI CAN PULL OFF THE "CLASSY" SEXINESS. LOOK, SHE'S PULLING A HWAYOUNG SINCE YOU CAN EASILY SEE HER NIPPLE BUT IT'S STILL MORE CLASSY THAN HYUNA'S SKANK ASS!
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Orange Caramel to Make Their 17th Comeback This Year
Fun fact: I haven't listened to an OC song since I almost committed suicide after listening to "Aing." However, I need every OC fan out there to support OC and buy their new single/mini album/whatever the fuck it will be.
So, why would I want OC to do well? Maybe so Pledis can use some of that money for a God damn comeback for Hello Venus!
Help AKF out by supporting OC so that Pledis will take Nara, Yooyoung and the rest of Hello Venus out of their dungeon!
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The 7 stages of k-pop fangirl grief
I spend a lot of time debunking the bullshit surrounding k-pop and helping people to see the reality behind the curtain of fairy floss, but what I haven't ever really done is helped anyone deal with the emotional fallout from having those rose-coloured glasses taken off. I also don't want to be blamed for a spate of fangirl suicides so I feel that it's time that I stepped up to the plate with some assistance. Help for you deludus is here, Kpopalypse style!
![disclai]()
Imagine being a fangirl* living in a dreamworld and discovering some of my writing, or perhaps someone else's writing on a blogsite like Anti Kpop-Fangirl or Asian Junkie, or maybe just stumbling across some other factlet out there that doesn't please your fangirly predilections. You're driven by a sense of righteous indignation - "this can't be happening to your fave!" your friends say, so damned if you're not going to go straight to the comments section to stick up for your precious bias. Once you arrive, you start checking out the content and something very unexpected happens - some of what you're seeing actually makes sense. Cogs inside your mind start turning - uh oh. How is your fragile fangirl psyche going to cope with these new revelations? Could medical intervention be the only solution?
![braingg]()
Sadly it's not that simple. The stripping away of fangirl delusion is a loss, and losing a psychological crutch can (depending on severity) be just as painful as any other type of loss, and involves grief. It's said by psychologists that grieving happens over seven stages, and helping to understand these seven stages may assist recovering fangirls to expedite the healing process. Let's look at each stage in turn so we can better understand the impact and emotional fallout from finding out that Seungri spunks on Japanese's girls' tits or whatever the problem is with hormonal fangirls this week.
![grief1]()
A layer of doubt softens the blow while your brain absorbs the shock and adjusts to the new information. These people could have experienced serious psychological fallout from EXO's atrocious "Wolf" without the layer of protection that denial provided.
![grief2]()
The pain experienced here is palpable. Sorry honey, but your precious angels have money to make so they're doing what's necessary. Diablo 3's new expansion pack won't pay for itself, you know.
![grief3]()
Sones didn't like the Taeyeon cleavage, and powerless to change the situation, they directed their frustrations outward at the perceived "enemy" - the bloggers and GIF posters highlighting the issue. Their rage blinded them to the fact that those making inquiry into Taeyeon's "pearly volume" were not idle haters casting dispersions on their bias, but scientific truth-seekers attempting to save humanity from the cleavage portal of darkness.
![grief4]()
Sones tried to start a cyber campaign against deity-like HQ GIF provider fiddle.se to remove the Taeyeon cleavage but even if it were successful it wouldn't have helped change the truth. Information, like Taeyeon's boobies, wants to be free.
![grief5]()
Yes it probably is, for being such a fucking deludu in the first place (you dumb whore). However it's never too late to get onto the path to redemption and rational thinking. Let's hope this random netizen makes it through all the grief stages!
![grief]()
Like 95% of the questions that come through my ask.fm it's not even an actual fucking question, but whatever. Actually I like to think I've enhanced her life, she's already jumped straight through to stage 6! Sure it sucks to be her right now but it's all uphill from here, baby! Just don't lose patience because depression can be the longest stage of the process, depending on the extremity of the loss.
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7. HOPE
Eventually depression subsides and you learn to accept and deal with reality. You can never go back to the way you were before you tragically found out about how shit really was, but there is hope for the future! After all, tomorrow is another day!
If on the other hand it's someone you personally know who is affected with irrational fangirl stupid disease, knowing is forewarning, and being forewarned is being forearmed. Now that you know about these seven stages, it won't be long before you can act and respond to crazy fangirls appropriately!
![]()
* Or a fanboy. I could have written "fangirl/fanboy" instead of just "fangirl" every time I used it in this post, but being politically correct is just too much fucking typing and it looks messy. Every fanboy is a fangirl in spirit anyway.
Imagine being a fangirl* living in a dreamworld and discovering some of my writing, or perhaps someone else's writing on a blogsite like Anti Kpop-Fangirl or Asian Junkie, or maybe just stumbling across some other factlet out there that doesn't please your fangirly predilections. You're driven by a sense of righteous indignation - "this can't be happening to your fave!" your friends say, so damned if you're not going to go straight to the comments section to stick up for your precious bias. Once you arrive, you start checking out the content and something very unexpected happens - some of what you're seeing actually makes sense. Cogs inside your mind start turning - uh oh. How is your fragile fangirl psyche going to cope with these new revelations? Could medical intervention be the only solution?
Sadly it's not that simple. The stripping away of fangirl delusion is a loss, and losing a psychological crutch can (depending on severity) be just as painful as any other type of loss, and involves grief. It's said by psychologists that grieving happens over seven stages, and helping to understand these seven stages may assist recovering fangirls to expedite the healing process. Let's look at each stage in turn so we can better understand the impact and emotional fallout from finding out that Seungri spunks on Japanese's girls' tits or whatever the problem is with hormonal fangirls this week.
1. DENIAL and DISBELIEF
When confronted with facts that you may not be ready for as a fan, disbelief cushions the initial impact, allowing you to absorb the new revelations gradually rather than all at once. See the following comments from when a (legitimate) rough demo of EXO's "Wolf" was leaked:
A layer of doubt softens the blow while your brain absorbs the shock and adjusts to the new information. These people could have experienced serious psychological fallout from EXO's atrocious "Wolf" without the layer of protection that denial provided.
2. PAIN and ANGUISH
Once the initial shock wears off, pain sinks in as the truth hits home. Here's a comment on the video "Quit Playing" by U-KISS, which cast the boys in a much more sexualised light than their fandom was used to:
The pain experienced here is palpable. Sorry honey, but your precious angels have money to make so they're doing what's necessary. Diablo 3's new expansion pack won't pay for itself, you know.
3. ANGER
Frustration at inability to change the situation at hand may cause you to lash out in anger. See the following response to an Anti K-pop Fangirl article that used new information to cast Taeyeon's cleavage in a disturbing new light:
Sones didn't like the Taeyeon cleavage, and powerless to change the situation, they directed their frustrations outward at the perceived "enemy" - the bloggers and GIF posters highlighting the issue. Their rage blinded them to the fact that those making inquiry into Taeyeon's "pearly volume" were not idle haters casting dispersions on their bias, but scientific truth-seekers attempting to save humanity from the cleavage portal of darkness.
4. BARGAINING WITH A HIGHER POWER
Enterprising fangirls may try to bargain with those that they perceive to be in control of the situation for a way out. From the same post as step 3:
Sones tried to start a cyber campaign against deity-like HQ GIF provider fiddle.se to remove the Taeyeon cleavage but even if it were successful it wouldn't have helped change the truth. Information, like Taeyeon's boobies, wants to be free.
5. GUILT and FRUSTRATION
Without an effective outlet, anger turns inward, firstly in the form of guilt. People coming to terms with a delusion being shattered may ask themselves "Was there anything I could have done? Is it somehow my fault?"
Yes it probably is, for being such a fucking deludu in the first place (you dumb whore). However it's never too late to get onto the path to redemption and rational thinking. Let's hope this random netizen makes it through all the grief stages!
6. DEPRESSION
Anger eventually completely settles into depression. Fangirls may become listless, lose interest in their favourite idols and usual fangirly activities, and succumb to lethargy while crying and ripping up Baekhyun posters. Someone asked me this today:
Like 95% of the questions that come through my ask.fm it's not even an actual fucking question, but whatever. Actually I like to think I've enhanced her life, she's already jumped straight through to stage 6! Sure it sucks to be her right now but it's all uphill from here, baby! Just don't lose patience because depression can be the longest stage of the process, depending on the extremity of the loss.
7. HOPE
If on the other hand it's someone you personally know who is affected with irrational fangirl stupid disease, knowing is forewarning, and being forewarned is being forearmed. Now that you know about these seven stages, it won't be long before you can act and respond to crazy fangirls appropriately!
* Or a fanboy. I could have written "fangirl/fanboy" instead of just "fangirl" every time I used it in this post, but being politically correct is just too much fucking typing and it looks messy. Every fanboy is a fangirl in spirit anyway.
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Breaking News: Sulli Pregnant
It's no news that Sulli's been getting that good D but when she has been MIA from f(x) promotions, some suspect that it might more than a simple cold.
We at AKF have the real scoop. More after the cut.
This is a 100% genuine photo of the ultrasound from Sulli's latest trip to doctor. Not a cold, but a bouncing baby boy~!
This pregnancy would explain why lately, Sulli has been looking like a dime piece with some righteous titties instead of scaled up toddler.
We would congratulate the idol-turned-mother but upon seeing the ultrasound, SM has instructed her to, and I quote, “Abort the ungodly abomination. We still have people who fap to your baby face.”
Her compliance with SM’s demands has rendered her unable to drift around stage aimlessly with the rest of her group but she has informed us that she would take the time off to practice her deepthroating skills.
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Taeyeon GGG=666
Taeyeon...
Beware the End of the World is Nigh. Hide your children, hide your wives, stop having anal sex with men. Because the antichrist is coming to town.
You better watch out
You better not cry
You better not jizz
I'm telling you why.
Taeyeon's gonna send you to HELL
She fingers your butthole when you're sleeping.
She orgasms when you awake.
She knows when you've had sex with blacks or whites
so douche your vag for goodness sake.
However....some do say that one day The Christ will rise and destroy that motherfucking She Bitch Taeyeon and bring peace to our world and save humankind...and puppies...and unicorns...and dolphins.
The one?
.gif)
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AOA is Quickly Becoming the Best Girl Group
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Han Ye Seul's New Caffe Bene CF
#foreverenviousofteddy
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