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Half A Year in Review - The SM Entertainment Edition

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Inspired by this amazing gifset by Tumblr user Seuyeon, I have decided; What better way to return to writing then to write my sole opinions on the almost perfectly-monthly comebacks of SM's groups? So I decided to do just that.

Disclaimer: I have asked permission to use these gifs from the maker herself, who then courteously agreed. If you plan on using these gifs elsewhere, please do ask permission from her as well!



Oh yes, January. The time at which the first dating scandals from Girls' Generation arose, Yoona with SeungGi and Sooyoung with that hot actor whose name I could really care less about. But more importantly, TVXQ! came back with their Korean album Tense (later repackaged as Spellbound), and their Japanese album Tree. The song in question right now is, unquestionably, 'Something'.

For starters, I listened to this song maybe once before I started to write this list, having listened to 'Spellbound' before. I feel like having done that has spoiled my possible enjoyment of the song, as my standards for this comeback was pretty much being compared to 'Spellbound'. The problem is, having this sort of knowledge in how good TVXQ!'s music could be, 'Something' let me down (only slightly though).

Don't get me wrong, the instrumental in the background was great. It had a 'Big Band' feel to it, which I actually enjoy with songs in and outside of Kpop. For songs of this sort, I'd usually say that I'd prefer an instrumental over the song itself, but there's something that makes the song less enjoyable without TVXQ!'s voices. 

I found myself enjoying the song more without watching the video and just listening to the song. To me, the inclusion of the white girls into the video was very awkward. Not because of the contrast between "Oh, everyone in the video is Korean, why introduce white people?", but because their acting was... 'Something'. They seemed emotionless, and just tended to awkwardly sit there as Yunho or Changmin would touch them.

Other than the reason I listed above, the video was eye-catching (minus those awkward moments). Anything from the transitions to the editing of the scenes with fitting filters, and even to the dance-break, which was actually one of my favorite parts of the MV, was greatly shot/done. Still, for some reason, I enjoyed the MV for 'Spellbound' much more than this one, but hey, that's my opinion.

All in all, if I had to give this comeback a rating, I'd say it'd get about a 7.0/10. And if you want to know how that scoring was settled, here's all the reasons for loss of points:
  • -2.0 for the awkward acting
  • -0.5 for not being up to par with 'Spellbound'
  • -0.5 for the random floating instruments in the solo scenes. Who's idea was that?



February... I have many fond memories of February. Be it the month that I got a Tumblr or the month that, because I had a Tumblr, I could finally witness how insane some SONE could be for the first time. Regardless, to much hype and discussion, 'Korea's National Girl Group' Girls' Generation came back with their first song after more than a year, Mr.Mr.

For me, the most interesting thing about this comeback was not the actual song and MV itself, but the whole 'war between SM and YG'. From delaying comeback dates to 'corrupted footage', this, at least for me, was my second most anticipated comeback from SM Entertainment this year (the first being revealed later in this article).

Where do I get started? I have very mixed emotions for this song, but I'll start off by discussing the video itself. To be honest, it was pretty lacking, but that's explainable because of the 'corrupted data'. It's explainable, but not excusable. Because of this, I found that 2NE1 actually won the 'Comeback Battle' as I like to call it, and this comeback was not as good as I Got A Boy.

I'm not saying that I Got A Boy was my favorite comeback from Girls' Generation though, but what makes this comeback lacking in comparison to I Got A Boy was the video. Be it the Pacman-graphics to the over-all shitty editing that I Got A Boy lacked, I'd rather watch the I Got A Boy video on mute than watch the whole Mr.Mr. MV through, unmuted.

The problem with the MV is not the shots, which were nicely shot, but as I mentioned, the editing was God-awful. I feel like they asked the nearest zoo if they could have their manatees make the editing decisions for them by choosing colored balls out of a pile.

The song itself wasn't bad, but wasn't good either. At least I Got A Boy could make up for the rest of the song with Jessica's bridge, but nothing in Mr.Mr. made up for the lacking that the song carried pretty much all the way through. Not even the bridge. Not even Tiffany's high note could supplement for the rest of the song.

As for my rating for this comeback, I'll simply give it a 7.5/10. Why?
  • -1.5 for shitty editing
  • -0.5 for not even being as good as I Got A Boy (quite sad to be honest)
  • -0.5 for a lack-luster song 




Writing this article is actually the first time I heard of this comeback. And around March I was well into Tumblr, meaning I could sense the hype over SNSD's 'Mr.Mr.', but there was nobody talking about this comeback.

That being said, this is one of the rare cases in which I actually like the video more than the song itself. This time, SM actually executed a story-line. It was pretty evident that Wookey had fallen for the same girl and wanted to see who could make her fall in love with them. The whole video is them getting ready for the date at the Diner, to which the girl possibly doesn't even show up (which leads Wookey to fall in love and live happily ever after).

What really made this video for me was seeing the interactions between Wookey. I felt as if you could definitely sense the rivalry between the two, especially during the bathroom scene.

Though I enjoyed the video more than the song, the video still had flaws. First, are those awful colored suits. If the coloring wasn't bad enough, they had patterns which were an eye-sore. Then there was the fact that Key's stylists decided that it would be a grand idea to dye his eyebrows yellow, which made the dance scenes in the white room painful to watch.

On the other hand, we have the song itself. Though not awful, it could have some improvements as well. Hell, the introduction instrumental left me expecting more than I actually got. The first problem I have is the awful "Come On Girl, Love Is So Nutritious, Come On Girl, Love Is So Delicious". Sure, I get that the name of the song is 'Delicious', but I think hearing that line once is enough, rather than having it littered throughout the background of nearly every verse.

The second problem I have with the song is the bridge. Though not deafening or terribly awful in any way, it was just 'meh'. There's nothing I really remembered of it, and it was bland to say the least.


With all that said, Toheart's 'Delicious' gets a 8.0/10

  • -0.5 for the styling
  • -0.5 for the boring and forgetful bridge
  • -1.0 for the English



I feel like I'm one of the few who couldn't care less about Super Junior. The only member I actually care about is Henry, but not as a member of SuJu, but as an actual person. As for the rest? I don't even know half of their names. Well, I guess that's just me when it comes to boy groups in general, but that's besides the point.

Surprisingly enough, I found myself enjoying this song quite a bit, to the point that I enjoyed it more than I enjoyed 'Something'. Actually, I think this may be my second favorite comeback out of all of the ones that I reviewed.

But along with all the great things with this comeback, there are sure to be short-comings as well. Like 'Overdose', the video started with an introduction clip. While in 'Overdose' it was in a maze, in 'Swing' it was in an office. As I'll say later with EXO, I'd prefer to see more clips of this sort in the video in between cuts of the dance.

Surprisingly, I really loved the outfit design for this video. Though simple, at least it's not a wardrobe disaster like some of the other videos on this list. I also don't see the problem with Siwon's mustache. Though many people are complaining about it, I actually think it makes him look attractive.

The only problem I have with the song itself is the dance break. It felt like it was just awkwardly inserted into the song (as applies to most other songs that do this) and didn't fit with the rest of the song.

And pushing this comeback to second place is the fact that the Chinese version's music video seems to be laggy/chopped every time I watch it. I realized that this wasn't just a problem with my computer as I attempted to watch it countless times with the same problems, and other people were commenting about this problem as well.

So as deserved, I give Super Junior M's 'Swing' a 9.0/10
  • -0.5 for the dance break
  • -0.5 for the laggy Chinese version



Now with this review I could've just given up and been like, "Well fuck it, it's EXO. What other grade can this get other than a 0/10?" But instead, I persisted with creating an accurate depiction on my thoughts of the song and video, and forced myself into watching the video for the sake of this article.

To be honest, watching the introduction left me thinking, "Wow, I guess this can't be too bad now, can it?" But I was wrong. Oh so wrong. The moment it transitioned into the square room I was like, "Well, hopefully it'll transition between the maze scene and the dance section?"

But of course, I set my expectations too high for something produced by SM. I watched the whole video without taking my eyes off the screen (it was painful), and decided that; as it didn't deserve a 0/10 rating, it sure as hell didn't deserve anything higher than a 5/10.

My reasoning behind this is not because it's EXO, it's because the video, and even the song itself was shitty. But first, I'll explain why I hated the video so much.

This is actually for a couple of reasons. Of course, there's the typical SM "let's shove them into a fucking box and have them dance like the past 5,000 music videos we've shot" ideology. But then, there's the styling... I was warned by Krakenoid about the ugly bucket-hats, and I took that into note, but that didn't prepare me for the rest of the outfits. I honestly believe that SM was just thinking, "Well, fuck it. There's a dumpster behind the building filled with random shit that your fans sent us. Pick whatever you want from there so we can save money on a stylist." I would've been much more satisfied with the video if they just wore the suits in some of the cuts for the whole video.

Something I must give props to however were the transitions between each member. I liked how it wasn't abrupt and it had the same smooth-transition style that TVXQ!'s 'Spellbound' had. However, this is one of the only things saving it from getting a 0.

And as noted earlier, the song was boring. The singing was unenjoyable, and the instrumental was lacking. The only thing I enjoyed about the song was the bridge, to which I figured could have saved the song. But of course, I was proven wrong again as a shit-rap was thrown in right after.

So all in all, I'd give EXO's 'Overdose' a 3.5/10 for these reasons:
  • -5.0 The song was the worst song off the album. Hell, they should've used 'Thunder' as the title track instead
  • -1.0 for the awful styling.
  • -0.5 dance-in-a-box (the reason I didn't take off more points for this is because the dance in and of itself was actually quite enjoyable)



Yes, I know what you're thinking; "July is in the second half of the year, stupid." Well, seeing as both April and June lacked any comebacks from SM artists (at least ones that are decently talked about...), I decided to include July as well.

As mentioned above as I talked about Girls' Generations' Mr.Mr., there were two comebacks from SM that I was greatly anticipating. And if not made evident throughout the article so far, f(x)'s Red Light was my most anticipated comeback.

Something amazes me about the impact that f(x) has on the kpop community. Even if somebody didn't particularly stan f(x), they still knew about this comeback, and most of those 'non-fans' even looked forward to this. This comeback seemed to have more hype about it than that of both EXO and Girls' Generation combined.

And I'll be amongst one of the first authors to go ahead and say that I thoroughly enjoyed this comeback. Yup, I said it. However, these weren't particularly my thoughts the first time I saw the video.

I remember staying up and waiting for this comeback (like a true fan, ey?) and then when it finally uploaded, I watched it almost the second it came out. After watching it through the first time, I was just sitting in my bed and staring at my black phone screen and thinking to myself, "Did I really just stay up and refresh my phone hundreds of times... for this?"

Almost angrily, I shut off my phone and placed it on my desk, thinking in my mind over and over, "Maybe if I just go to sleep and watch it again in the morning on my computer, I'll enjoy it more." So I did just that. I woke up the next morning and turned on my computer, plugging in my headphones and waiting for the page to load. Setting the video to full screen and 1080p, I took a deep breath and sat through the seconds of silence before the song itself actually started.

And that's when it happened. The first time I watched the video, I couldn't deny, it was beautifully shot. The transitions between shots were nicely done, but what upset me the most was that there was no clear storyline (which I shouldn't have expected because, hey, it's SM we're talking about). With those expectations out of my mind and being able to watch the video with a clear head, I finally enjoyed it to the full extent. Yes, even the chorus. I even enjoyed the much despised chorus.

So in conclusion, I'd rate this comeback a solid 9.5/10.
  • -0.5 for being full of symbolism bull-shit (which could've been spared for more shots of Victoria?)
As a side note, I will be returning to the 'Let's Talk' series soon when I get the time, and as always, I'll be available at my ask.fm for you to ask me any questions your heart desires. If you want, there's also my Tumblr page (as mentioned in my article; I'll answer your questions here too if you do so prefer).

Will Sojin be the Death of sulli_fag?

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Are you happy, Fany? No more "gratuitous butt shots" from Girl's Day.




SM Rookies Seulgi and Irene shoved into a subunit, send a shoutout to their surgeon

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This could possibly be the cheapest K-pop video ever made.

SM recently decided to shamelessly promote a couple of their potential cash cows with this little clip, accompanied by a boring song and Yuna Kim lookalike Seulgi wearing some ugly kneeless velvet pants (where the fuck did they get those?). The song is also hilariously titled "Be Natural," which is pretty funny once you get a look at the candidates for SM's upcoming girl group. It's possible that the song is some subtle promotion for their doctor and their subunit name (SR14G) means that it cost $14,000 to give them new faces. Cherish this video as it could be the first of many to express love to doctors, and if that is the case, then expect a whole album from Bom alone. 

Dahye's Ass

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Dahye, the member who puts the "BEST" in BESTie.



I would stick my Vitamin D in her Vitamin A-hole.


Since Sulli is pregnant I will now only be referred to as...

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Sojin_fag


Please refrain from calling me sulli_fag from now on. I don't want to be associated with that loose vaginaed heathen. How dare she let that man touch her dirty pillows and lube up that Pink Tape and squirt in her Chocolate Love.

I am pissed the pho-k off.

CHOIZA  is just going to leave her for some slut working the Denny's at 3:30am at night or maybe even go ALL OUT GAY. How dare she open her legs like that for that bastard...that bitch let him enter her Red Light with his Pinnochio.  The illuminati (which owns SM) will likely   discontinue F(X) because of her pregnancy.

Enjoy this pic of Sojin because I hate Sulli.

Fuck you Sulli you homewrecker...go Electric Shock a Cock...oh wait...you did already! Whore.

I'd rather suck Amber's dick now.








Update:

Proof sulli is preggers





Also MFW Antikpopfangirl actually thinks I am changing my name to sojin_fag.


Kim Hyun Joong opens up about his towel habits in his pre-release track

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Can't you tell that he's apologetic?



... Just kidding, I bet you were ready to hear all about how far he could throw the towels and what kind of cotton he likes best.

Book review: Kpop Now - The Korean Music Revolution

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In my eternal quest to shut up those people asking me to review shit all the time, here's a review... of a book.  Unlike song reviews, I figure that a book review might actually be vaguely useful to some of you.  Sure, reviewing the latest written-while-taking-a-shit song from SM or YG might be good for web traffic and ego-stroking but what's the point of me throwing down my worthless, annoying opinion on a song when you can just go to YouTube, listen to it yourself and make up your own mind?  On the other hand, books are less of a try-before-you-buy proposition so you might actually want to know a bit about what's in these fucks before you buy them, so in my mission to get k-pop fans to occasionally put down their iMaxipads and read a fucking book (those things with the pages, you've seen them, right?) I now bring to you this review.  Please enjoy it.  Or not.

eunbook2

Kpop Now - The Korean Music Revolution

kpopnow

Author: Mark James Russell
Tuttle Publishing, 128 pages, softback, 254mm x 191mm, colour
ISBN: 978-4-8053-1300-8
RRP: US $15:95 - AUS $17.99
I told myself quite firmly that I wasn't going to buy this book when I first heard about it, because I read a particularly shitty review of it on Beyond Hallyu before it came out which seemed fairly legit, but then it turned up in my local bookstore so I thought "fuck it, I like to make up my own mind about shit anyway" and I figured you guys could use the entertainment so here it is.

The first thing I noticed about this book when I picked it up is the picture of f(x) in the bottom right corner of the front page - taken from f(x)'s "Rum Pum Pum Pum" promotions, it means that this book is less than a year old (late 2013).  This is relevant because any book about k-pop is obviously fighting a battle of cultural relevancy as soon as it appears - the genre is just beyond its first major quality peak, and moving and developing so fast right now that anything written about it in printed format is going to be out of date almost the minute it leaves the printing press.  The story of k-pop is a story that is very much still being written, and for the same reason that nobody could have ever penned the definitive book about heavy metal or rap in 1990, we'll have to wait at least two decades before the definitive text of k-pop history and development appears.  In the meantime, we'll have to make do with fairly lightweight snapshots, which is basically what this book is, and that's not really the fault of the author - a snapshot is all that this can be, by definition.  "K-pop Now" is therefore light on text, heavy on pictures, and someone reasonably literate will plow through it all in about an hour.

The book splits itself into several small chapters, here's what they contain:

Introduction: The State of K-pop

Some general musings about the current state of play in k-pop.  H.O.T. and S.E.S. are mentioned along with newer acts, the increasing amount of debuts, PSY (of course), online polling, the overseas activities of various groups and even the k-pop writing of Popdust rates a mention - but not Allkpop.  Feel the burn, all those people on Allkpop who thought my interview with Popdust's k-pop contributor Jacques wasn't "relevant".

Chapter 1: The Land Of K-pop

A boring tourist-focused travelogue style chapter which no k-pop fan will be able to read without their eyes glazing over and which completely fails to draw a convincing analogy between the development and cultural mix of South Korea and the city of Seoul and k-pop generally.  Some crap about "constant reinvention" is the key analogy the author is trying to draw here but you'll long for the author to stop wasting pages with this nonsense and start discussing what you actually bought the book for.

Chapter 2: What Is K-pop?

The meatiest text in the entire book is here, with the author discussing the evolution of the modern k-pop style from Seo Taiji & The Boys onward to the formation of SM, YG and JYP and beyond.  The modern idol system is discussed including the audition process and the financing involved in mounting a successful idol group is also touched on.  The unfairness and unequal income distribution of k-pop contracts is also hinted at, but only barely, and the author insists that "once a performer becomes a star, the balance of power completely changes"... which sounds like rose-coloured glasses to me.  Yeah maybe it's true if you're in something as big as SNSD, otherwise not so much.  Following this are some fairly lightweight interviews with Eat Your Kimchi, Kevin from ZE:A and Brian Joo from Fly To The Sky which have between four and six questions each.  I know if I got some time with any of these people for Kpopalypse Interview I'd ask a damn lot more than six questions (that's a hint, Martina).

Chapter 3: Boy Groups

Two to four-page spreads on the following groups: BigBang, Super Junior, TVXQ, 2AM, 2PM, B.A.P., Beast, Busker Busker, CNBlue, EXO, FTIsland, Infinite, MBLAQ, SHINee, ZE:A.

Chapter 4: Girl groups

Two to four-page spreads on the following groups: Girls' Generation, 2NE1, Wonder Girls, 4Minute, After School, Brown Eyed Girls, Davichi, f(x), KARA, miss A, Secret, Sistar, T-ara.

Chapter 5: Solo artists

Two to four-page spreads on: PSY, BoA, Jay Park, Rain, Yoon Mi-rae, IU.

Chapter 6: K-pop's Future

Short one-paragraph entries on History, VIXX, Boys Republic, Wonder Boyz, Lee Hi, 15&, Akdong Musicians (sic), Roy Kim, Crayon Pop.

After this is some short information on traveling to Korea (because one chapter of boring travelogue bullshit that you don't care about and can find in any travel guide anywhere if you really want that kind of thing wasn't enough) and some acknowledgements.

And that's it, that's all you get.  The same author wrote the 2008 book "Pop Goes Korea", and while I haven't read that one, maybe he covered off more of the in-depth discussion in that book and didn't want to revisit it too much because "Kpop Now" just doesn't seem to have much to say - don't come here if you want any searing insight into your favourite k-pop stars, because you won't get it.  Any in-depth discussion of musical content is generally side-stepped, instead we get fluffy stuff like
"k-pop is overwhelmingly genuine ... when a singer loves, he loves completely.  When he misses his love, it is a deep, soul-crushing ache"
Oh please.  K-pop is more brazenly the opposite of "overwhelmingly genuine" than just about any musical style I can think of.  If it's genuine about only one thing, it's only about how incredibly artificially constructed it all is.  An author who looks even older (and balder) than me shouldn't be writing like a 13 year old fangirl buying into the insipid lyrical bullshit, and yes his picture is on the inside rear dust cover.  At least I have the decency to use pictures of Eunjung in my blog as a substitute for my own ugly bald head.

euntr

Other notable aspects of the book include:
  • Brown Eyed Girls' "Abracadabra" dance being used in PSY's "Gentleman" is mentioned, and of course PSY is mentioned all over the place in every chapter of the book with a nauseating "golly gee whiz wasn't he successful" tone, because there just isn't enough writing about his videos' YouTube performance out there.
  • T-ara's Hwayoung controversy is one of the only ones discussed in the entire book (albeit fairly rationally i.e "we'll never know the truth but it's a reminder that k-pop stars are human"). Meanwhile, the Open World Entertainment controversy passes by completely untouched - unforgivable, given that the book has a tone of "helping out the k-pop hopefuls" with its needless audition and travel information.
  • The author obviously doesn't give a shit about T-ara because the image captions laughably mistake Ahreum for Dani, but spare a thought for TVXQ fans who get an even rawer deal - nowhere in their own write-up does it mention their issues with SM Entertainment or even that they were once a five-member group!  JYJ fans will probably suspect SM encouraged the author to not discuss the former members at all, and they may not even be wrong - SM Entertainment are listed in the acknowledgements as one of the companies "who participated in this book", so who knows what that really means.
  • KARA's "butt dance" for "Mr." rates a mention, I guess the author is a KARA fapper like the rest of us, also there's a brief discussion of the KARA contract issue.  The TVXQ controversy is referenced here but not explained, suggesting that perhaps it was in fact explained in further detail in an earlier draft of the book, adding weight to my theory that the TVXQ split was deemed "too hot to handle" and chopped out during book editing.
In summary, if you're deep into k-pop, you'll appreciate the pictures of your faves and the acknowledgement that an author bothering to publish a book like this provides to your interest in k-pop, but the inconsistencies in the text plus the general lightweight tone and boring fawning over PSY's success will annoy you, plus you'll learn almost nothing that you didn't already know.  On the other hand, if you're completely new to k-pop this book is actually pretty cool, a quick primer that you can read in about an hour and come away with a generally good grasp on what the style is about.  If you're a k-pop obsessed teenager living at home with your parents there's a good chance that if mom and dad see this book while out shopping they'll buy it for you as a birthday or Christmas present, but to be honest it's the kind of book that your parents would be better off reading themselves in order to understand you so perhaps if you're in that situation you should buy it for them instead!

Final rating: 2 KARA butt dances out of 5 (3.5 if you're new to k-pop)


You are now a fan of Fiestar's Jei

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I'm working on a longer fap post. Expect it fondly.

In the meantime, enjoy this brief AKF-style intermission while I do my "research".


You're welcome.

Bianca Bai

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Today we at AKF are publishing "research" so that society can advance one fap at a time.




Thank you, Based Taiwan.







Netizens Have Forced Sulli Into Hiatus

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You can here and here for the details of the situation.

This kind of behavior from netizens is why sites like AKF will continue to exist. Sadly, Korean netizens have too much leverage in the Kpop industry and that leverage needs to completely fade away into obsolescence. 


With the help of AOA's Mina, I will be chronicling my thoughts as I first read the reports.

UCAAD, did I read that shit correctly?
Let's assume that SM is telling the truth and that Sulli isn't pregnant. (And what conclusive evidence is there that Sulli is pregnant in the first place? C'mon K and International netizens, we don't need another HwayounGate on our hands here.) I didn't expect Sulli to miss more than a couple of performances, as Kpop is notorious for rushing idols back onto music shows and dramas even after they have fainted or been in an accident. Then all of f(x)'s schedules were deleted and something fishy was happening.

When I had read that Sulli got tired of shit from netizens, this was me.

Those UCAADs never learn.
After numerous scandals in the past four years regarding celebrities and netizens, you would hope that some of these keyboard warriors would have learned their lesson by now. Suing netizens on the grounds of libel sure isn't helping, so we need more drastic measures.


Do we need some "buck niggers" to be stationed at every PC cafe in Korea to beat the shit out of keyboard warriors? Does Mina need to stab some fuckers and then do some aegyo as they die in a pool of their own blood?


Then I went to Netizen Buzz. To prevent the loss of brain cells, I had some of my textbooks nearby to read as soon as possible before I became truly Korean and truly retarded.

5. [+87, -10] The poor other members got hit with a brick. SM princess Sulli~ Now the other members have to stop promoting because of her.
What the fuck is this shit?!
Classic Koreans, blaming the victim and denying their part in the whole ordeal.

One day I hope the Kpop fandom (both Korea and international) can become a little more rational. Until that time (which will probably never come), we will continue to expose how dumb a lot of fans actually are...in between the fap and troll posts, of course.

Seungyeon Buys An Expensive House

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Hammie is ballin' and after making it rain, bought a new house.


1. [+4,773, -71] Stop feeling sorry for someone better off than you. We should feel sorry for fans who got betrayed by DSP because they are suffering from PTSD. Two people voluntarily withdrew from the group and thousands of people can't cope. We should feel sorry for them.

2. [+4,327, -112] I'm jealous of someone who is an entertainer who finds ways to entertain me through different mediums. AND SHE EARNS MONEY FOR IT!

3. [+3,532, -53] Kara still makes money despite our keyboard warrior-ing, so we're doing something wrong. Let's do what we did to Sulli and then we can take Kara down before the new member even gets a chance to promote.

4. [+807, -17] Wow, she's a millionaire, so she has it so easy. This cunt isn't allowed to have any complaints because of how much money she makes. I am allowed to complain about my struggles and enjoy having privacy and not having every action of mine scrutinized. I love being a hypocritical dickwad.

5. [+509, -10] God damn, nigger. I really don't have anything to say.

6. [+429, -71] Oh look at how the capitalist system works. Someone provides a service or offers a product that many people paid for, thus resulting in someone becoming rich. While I act like a sniveling cunt about fans purchasing music and DVDs that resulted in Seungyeon becoming rich, I'll keep buying items like the Galaxy S5 from which I'm typing this message that makes the Lee family of Samsung billionaires.

Kpopalypse fashion class - horizontal black and white stripes

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Never one to shy away from the important issues surrounding k-pop, it's time for Kpopalypse to cover an often-misunderstood and misrepresented topic of great importance - the effect of horizontal black and white stripes on boob perception.  Welcome to Kpopalypse fashion class!

stripeseunjung1

If you're anything like me, you'll be very sick and tired of the superfluous fashion articles that appear in k-pop media.  You've all seen them - some lazily tossed-off article about "oooh, look what [insert idol here] wore today, wow, isn't she so classy!".  If these worthless articles are not just paid for by the record company to help boost the idol's profile, they're churned out by the media outlet simply because nothing interesting was happening that week and someone had an article quota to meet - but they're functionally fairly useless.  If you're into k-pop fashion (or perving at k-pop fashion), surely you want some information that you can actually use.  Don't worry, Kpopalypse has got you covered!

Horizontal black and white stripes are often sadly avoided by many females as a fashion choice, as they have acquired a reputation for making women look fat, and women generally don't like to look fat for some strange reason that I've never quite been able to figure out.  Interestingly, science has in fact shown that the reverse is true and horizontal stripes in the right proportion actually contribute to a perception of being skinnier, but we all know how allergic to science people are in this day and age.  However, all this is neither here nor there for me, as long as women have nice-looking well-proportioned boobs I don't care that much about their weight, and horizontal black and white stripes also have the great effect of enhancing boob volume.  Therefore it's in my best interests to promote this fashion choice and show how it can be applied in an effective manner.

For best results, there are a few rules.

Firstly, black and white are the colours to use.  Accept no substitutes.

stripessunny

Sunny's assets are well-documented, yet she oddly doesn't look all that busty here - the reason why is mainly the colour red.  To be fair, Sunny is probably already busty enough for most, but it's worth noting that other colours don't usually have the same pronounced effect as black on white.  The reason for black and white working better than other combinations is the high contrast between the colours - the only higher-contrast combination possible is black and yellow, but nobody wants to wear that lest they remind people of Stryper.

stripesgain

Gain's blue top also doesn't work that well for boob-enhancement, to really get any effect here the colour needs to be stripped out of the image:

stripesgain2

That's a slight improvement, but this leads into the second point - clothing should be tighter rather than looser for the most pronounced effect.  Horizontal stripes work for boob enhancement because they give the curves an easily traceable outline for the eye to follow, like looking at a topographical map.

stripesleehyori

Lee Hyori's striped top is hanging just a bit too loosely here to provide any bust enhancement, because the eye doesn't have enough information to tell the difference between the curves of her body and pockets of air hidden under her clothing.  We know it's a bit of both, but which bit is what?

stripeshara

This pic of KARA's Hara is better but it should be noted that stripes have a maximum size before they are no longer effective and this clothing nearly exceeds the limit.  As a general rule, the thinner the stripes, the more enhancement that is generated.

stripesjihyun

The right spacing of horizontal black and white stripes can make boobs come up nicely even on quickly-snapped airport paparazzi shots.

stripessuzy

As you can see, by using a combination of very thin horizontal stripes and well-fitting clothing, sufficient boob enhancement can be generated even when working at a severe initial disadvantage.

Although purely vertical stripes convey no boob boosting properties whatsoever, combinations of horizontal and vertical stripes can work well in certain patterns to increase volume by leading the eye to important areas.

stripeshyomin

You don't need to go all-out - as long as at least some horizontal stripes are covering the boob area, this is enough to generate the impression of boob enhancement and thus boost fap potential.

Note that the brightness of the colour white gives the illusion of volume increase by reflecting more light, therefore care should be taken to make sure that the top contains white stripes of a width equal to or thicker than the black stripes.

stripesJewelryEunjung

This picture looks good but the desired effect would be increased significantly with at least equal thickness white stripes.

stripessohee

Thicker white stripes on the other hand works quite well, although minimising the black stripes too much can also be a problem.  Sohee demonstrates the minimum amount of black stripes needed to still maintain a positive effect, any less black than this and the boob boosting effect is lost.

stripesbom

Bom's top here is sneakily designed to portray her boobs in the best possible light by thickening the white stripes specifically around the boob area.  Good work, Bom!  Next time please get your hands and arms out of the way so we can appreciate this inspired fashion choice more, thank you.

The right combinations of stripes in the right places can be very sexually suggestive.

stripesjiyeon

Jiyeon's amazing striped top is really just subliminal instructions on how to titfuck her - not that we need any.  The phallic necklace has no doubt been carefully chosen to add to the effect!

stripesjiyeon2

We don't want to go too crazy with details though.  Stripes have the effect of "leading" the eye, so it's important to not create too much confusion by leading it in too many directions at once.

stripedbaekahyeon

This top gets bonus points for not only being striped but also promoting cleavage, however the jagged knit patterns make the contours a little harder to follow than they would otherwise be.

It's difficult to know where to look in the following photograph.

stripestahiti

Too much detail can be off-putting and can distract fap because the eye doesn't know in which direction it's being led and becomes confused.

stripesmisss

For group shots, straightforward horizontal lines with not too many conflicting directions and patterns is best.

Now that we've got the basics down, here some more examples of people doing it right.

stripessulli

Everyone's favourite cao ni ma is as sick of netizen bullshit right now as the next rational person, but she's not sick of wearing striped dresses that give her form some welcome volume.  Just as well for the rest of us!

stripesseohyun

Seohyun knows how to rock a striped top and like Sulli she also has her purse on standby just in case she needs to speed-dial security to usher out any losers not worthy of observing this hotness.

stripesway

I'd pop my crayons all over this great striped top given the opportunity.  Don't tell her I said that, I don't have the money to hire a bomb disposal expert to defuse the C4 she'd probably get one of her minions to attach to my car.

stripeszinger

Zinger might not be my fave in Secret but she knows how to work with what she's got.  On top of the stripes, super-sized accessorising is a good way to bring extra attention to important areas.

stripesnana

Nana is known for not being particularly busty but her extra volume in this striped top meant that even Son Dambi couldn't resist going for the grope.  Look how happy she is about molesting Nana.

stripesdavichi

This photo of Davichi isn't great quality sadly and it's also not a great pose for perving but it's the best striped-top photo that I could find.  Hopefully some avid researcher will turn up more photos of Minkyung in this clothing and the fapgods will smile warmly.

I'll leave you now with this great CF featuring Raina, that I've posted before but here it is again anyway because it's relevant to the topic at hand.


Hopefully you've all learned something from this post, whether it be how to dress to present maximum boob volume with casual clothes, what to buy your girlfriend as a clothing gift, or just what a colossal pervert Kpopalypse is.  In any event I hope you've been entertained, and let me know what you'd like to see next on Kpopalypse fashion class!

stripeseunjung2

Victoria Deemed Goddess of Asia

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This comes as no surprise, as Victoria was deemed Goddess of Asia in a poll. Victoria just allowed it to be a "competition" for the self-esteem of the others even though they had no chance whatsoever.






It is rumored that Victoria was sent from heaven because even God's eyes couldn't handle Victoria's beauty. He figured the Chinese people needed something to marvel at to make up for their shitty government.



In addition to her regal image, Victoria also has the unfair advantage of being cute and sexy.



Victoria even learned the language of the kimchi assholes, showing how much she cares for her fans from Worst Korea.



Victoria is extremely flexible, giving you many ways to fantasize about banging her.



Victoria is so hot that even reliable fancammer drighk couldn't keep the camera steady while he tried fapping to Victoria in public.



Victoria is so hot that even the SHINee members pretended to be straight for 3 minutes and 37 seconds.

So thank you poll for confirming what we already knew.

SNSD's "I Got Multiple Personality Disorder" Reaches 100 Million Views

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The infamous song that almost made many here at AKF commit suicide has somehow surpassed 100 million views. I wonder what the netizens had to say.



1. [+238,-44] The Boys is at 95 million and Mr. Taxi is at 90 million. It's time for Sones to make sure that another terrible song reaches 100 million views, and to show that we're somehow sane, have Mr. Taxi reach 100 million as well.

2. [+225,-34] The SNSD members looked like shit during IGAB, which helped my self-esteem. I didn't get double eyelid surgery last year after seeing those unnies looking butt-fucking ugly despite having double eyelids.

3. [+219,-64] Luckily SNSD hasn't imploded during their seven years like their competition has. Because we all know that if JYP didn't send WG to America and replace Sunmi with someone who has Down's Syndrome, SNSD would be second tier. SNSD is also lucky that Kara almost disbanded twice, Bom is a druggie, and that T-ara bullied Hwadog. I'm so glad SM has these girls on a shorter leash than Kim Kwang Soo has on Minkyung.

4. [+205,-60] Yay for being part of a mindless army of Sones that watches the MVs every day!

5. [+84,-12] It's time to go give myself ear cancer.

6. [+90-23] Another terrible song is about to reach 100 million.

7. [+74,-13] Mister Mister is somehow doing well despite the MV ruining any possibility of fapping to it. I doubt we'll have another girl group with the same mindless army that SNSD has despite their hoobaes f(x) having much better music, better looking members and surprisingly less fans. Only SNSD could do this well by having three good title tracks throughout their whole history.

8. [+79,-18] I'm a mindless Sone that listened to the song 3,000 times before I started enjoying the song.

Four Ladies Trailer

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Do I even have to write anything?

Hyuna's 2-step plan to destroy the innocence of Korea

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2-step like the music genre? No! I'm not that clever! But Hyuna is very clever... or not! Details after the jump.


So what's the plan?

Well you see this song is based of a children's rhyme in Korea. Any Korean who hears the song will instantly have memories of childhood coming back to them, and anyone who is still a child will probably turn their attention to it because it is contextually familiar, accepted, and sociable to them. But then what happens? A lascivious slutfest with Hyuna has the star! So it is really a simple two steps:

1) Get the attention of every child and/or adult's inner child with something usually fully innocent and based on word and form association to understand and accept the world around them.
2) SEX IT UP!

Basically she's making people vulnerable and then turning their hearts to a love of sluttiness, or at very least a normalizing of it. To this I have only one thing to say to miss Kim Hyuna: GREAT WORK! Sluts are the best! It's so genius I wonder why nobody had though of it sooonnnnnnnnneeeeerrrrwaitaminute!!



Ah yes, the lovely and incredibly sexy Fiestar already used this strategy not too long ago. Unfortunately they didn't make a song that sounded nearly as good as Hyuna's so it didn't really catch on, so their follow-upgrade themed around threesomes and fucking all night long got blocked rather than accepted. A noble attempt, and they should be noted as the trailblazers over Hyuna, however Hyuna may be the one who figured out how to do the right idea the right way.

I don't know about you guys, but I am very excited about these developments in kpop and can't wait to see what EXID does, as we see they obviously have some sort of creative connection as evidenced by LE working with Hyuna on Blacklist.

P.S. As a personal request, does anyone know who this backup dancer is?


I miiiight have... fallen in love... a little bit... completely. Anyway she is pretty great in the MV and live performances and she'll probably get more gigs after this one with Hyuna so I'd like to officially be a fan. Sometimes dancers make twitters and whatnot so go forth my pretties fap detectives, and bring back some good info or at least a name.

Popu Lady >>>>>>> All Kpop Girl Groups (Minus Four Ladies)

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While Four Ladies teased a lesbian concept, we didn't see much aside from ass grabbing. On the other hand, the Popu Lady members actually kiss each other on screen. We don't know if Four Ladies will troll us, but Popu Lady sure didn't!

I didn't think I could like this group any more than I already did.

Four Ladies' Second Teaser

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We still don't have to write shit!

Minah Joins WAG Elite

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Girl's Day's Minah has finally gotten a man, after years of lusting and dealing with pent-up sexual frustration!!


She's now dating South Korean footballer Son Heung Min, one of the few decent players from the South Korean National team that came home from the World Cup in virtual disgrace ("eat taffy/toffee" is an insult in Korean btw). While I for one am happy for Minah, seeing as how this is her big break at finally being able to quench the massive thirst she has been harboring for years, netizens were unamused.



Levels talk always irritates me, but this is especially baseless.
3. [+6,304, -149] Well Minah's hit the lottery

4. [+3,360, -274] Is that so... have a happy life

5. [+1,619, -127] ㅋㅋㅋㅋ Heung Min-ah, where are your standards... she's below your level ㅋㅋㅋ and I don't think she's going to be waiting for just you while you're away in Germany ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

6. [+1,507, -91] This is so wrong... she's an idol and I get that she's pertty and all but her dating world class Heung Min? ㅋ Wow, fu*king impossible... Please wake up;;;

7. [+1,287, -47] Dating for two weeks ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ So they met up straight after Son Heung Min broke up with his ex ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Way to ruin your image that fast ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ Manage your image

8. [+1,131, -50] Minah's hit the lottery... Girl's Day got popular thanks to Hyeri and Tony and now Minah's going to get popular off of our Heung Min...

9. [+1,138, -16] Wow... thanks to Son Heung Min's level, Girl's Day's company is off confirming it right on their own 

10. [+1,077, -47] Son Heung Min doesn't match Minah, he can do so much better

11. [+767, -40] What does Son Heung Min lack to date someone like Minah ㅡㅡ

12. [+701, -20] Not even two months but two weeks ㅋㅋㅋ Couldn't you have waited a bit longer,  journalists?

13. [+616, -22] Heung Min-ah, wake up...
It makes no sense man, he's not even that great of a player... If it was someone actually good and deserving of praise like my boy James Rodriguez of Columbia, SURE, it'd be "understandable" in the sense that "Yeah it's fucking stupid, but I can lower my brain to this level to understand it from that perspective."  BUT HE'S A NUGU IN THE FOOTBALL WORLD COMPARED TO ALL THE GREATS IN THE BUNDESLIGA...!! If anything, SHE'S more famous and internationally renowned than HE is, but I'm sure the mental hate block of Korean netizens prevents them from recognizing that. He's just paid more.

The worst part is probably the hypocritical bullshit that's the netizens complaining about the "media play" in all this.
1. [+522, -74] Girl's Day media plays with their boyfriends to get their name known. First Tony Ahn and now Son Heung Min..

2. [+318, -52] So much media play about this dating news...

3. [+367, -103] Son Heung Min's ex-girlfriend is Minah's department senior... but barely a month after they broke up, it's weird how he meets up with Minah straight after.

4. [+36, -14] I doubt Minah will be satisfied with any male idol anymore

5. [+27, -7] I don't care whether they're dating or not, it bothers me how there are so many comments putting Minah down and treating Son Heung Min to be some kind of amazing man without considering that it's just as weird for him to be dating someone new not even a month after breaking up with his ex... The both of them just don't look like a couple who will last a long time.

6. [+22, -5] Minah and Hyeri both started dating through SNS ㅋㅋㅋ

7. [+20, -10] I doubt she hesitated at all... Probably tried to hit on him as much as she could.. I mean, it's Son Heung Min ㅋㅋ

8. [+20, -13] Have a great relationship but don't use Son Heung Min for your media play. No one cares now that news of you dating have broken out.

9. [+15, -9] Alright already! The public doesn't even care about Girl's Day dating news but the agency keeps using it as media play fodder like this tsk tsk tsk

10. [+11, -4] Son Heung Min all kills every female idol's boyfriend ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ So jealous of Minah... As if dating him isn't enough, she goes on dates with him in expensive supercars ㅋㅋㅋ She must have higher standards now after dating him ㅋㅋㅋ I bet Minah's parents would rather she quit being a singer and just marry him.. He's a walking company after all..
Okay, if people didn't care so much about who dates/fucks who or about this perceived "status imbalance, no one would be talking about it in the news anyway. Or more specifically, if none of those idiots commented or upvoted that shit, not many people would be hearing about in the first place. It's a self-feeding cycle of rage-fueled clicks and up-votes that pisses them off, but they don't seem to realize that they're making it worse. It's like stabbing yourself in the leg with a knife, using another knife to dig the first knife out, and complaining that your legs fucking hurt and/or have two fucking knives in them.



Shout-outs to Netizen #5 though for defending Minah and calling Son Heung Min out for being shady about getting on the dating train so quickly after his break up.

Anyway, I'm willing to chalk it all up to seething jealousy that a Korean girl has finally joined the ranks of the WAG elite, but you all already know Minah ain't even phased by this shit.

I just wanted to share this gif, tbh.

아저씨 adds:
When this came out they had also only been dating TWO FUCKING WEEKS, which in busy idol/athlete life equates to TWO FUCKING DATES. My mind cannot comprehend how anyone makes a big deal out of any relationship that is so early in its development. I mean seriously, think of anyone in your life you have only known for two weeks, or only spent quality time with twice, if there even are any such persons in your life at the moment. THAT is the extent of the reality here, no matter how much they like each other. I mean JESUS FUCKING CHRIST give them some breathing room to FUCKING MEET.

Sulli goes to the beach, sees Red Velvet surfing in on a wave of salty tears

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So recently some netizens with no lives decided to go into bitter detective mode and deduce that Sulli enjoyed a nice time at the beach with her boyfriend. And there are some details after the jump.

Beyond all reason, they seem to be outraged by this, as if she had committed some kind of crime and was supposed to be in a period of reflection. Well, no, bitches... I believe the time off was specifically stated as being for the purpose of chilling the fuck out and escaping the stress of YOU doing nothing but psychotically stalking her and hating her for everything she does. So OF COURSE if she is going to tell you all to fuck off and then go fuck off herself. She is going to enjoy a nice day at the beach with Choiza getting some Vitamin D and picking out names for the baby.

MEANWHILE, yet somewhat related, Red Velvet released their fucking awesome debut MV:



And WOW look at all the downvotes already! Granted, they still have a lot of likes as well, but the ratios are definitely out of proportion for an SM group. And while it may have partly been from some observant Japanese viewers, Red Velvet has been getting a fair share of hate aside from just votes since they were announced.

Look, I get it. EVERYONE gets it. This was supposed to be your precious f(x) and, well, it's as obvious that this song was supposed to be for f(x) as Miss A's debut songs were supposed to be for Wonder Girls. But you know, your favs aren't always going to be what you want, and they can't be everything. So Wonder Girls couldn't sing Bad Girl, Good Girl across Asia when they were too busy failing in America, and likewise f(x) wasn't about to be singing about happiness looking like a pirate Van Helsing while burning bibles outside the rehab clinic in the red light district.

Spending all your time pissed off about f(x) is just going to make you miss out on how great Red Velvet is, and right now they seem like they're gonna be pretty great. I mean look at this shit, they even mostly avoided dancing in a box! In an SM video! Granted, this forest clearing scene might have been in a box, but we can't clearly see that. What we can see is a really fresh style both visually and musically with some cute and charismatic girls who seem like they might be able to sing. Enjoy it!
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