(lolol this is the 69th STFU. I am so mature.)

This week's photo comes from an anonymous tumblr user:

A lot of my readers for some weird reason seem to think that awards are terribly important, despite the fact that they're obviously not.  But hey - logic and reasoning, fuck that, right?  So it's in this spirit that I now bring to you the first annual...


Let's roll out the red carpet and get this party started with nine important awards for achievement in various fields of k-pop!

---

THE KPOPALYPSE "I LIKEY LIKEY DIS TEAR" KOREAN NETIZEN TEAR EXTRACTION AND PRESERVATION AWARD 2014

• Park Bom (2NE1) - smuggling some of that Candy Jelly Love and getting away with it
• Sulli (f(x)) - has hiatus from f(x) to go nightclubbing, something 99.9% of netizens have never done
• Taeyong (SM Rookie) - being a scumbag, agency says they will work to make him grow as an artist
• T-ara - for doing nothing much except successfully getting on with business and being hated anyway

...and the winner is:

As if I was going to give the first one of these awards to anybody else.  The reason why they win it is simple - they may not have generated the most Korean netizen tears this year, but unlike the other nominees, they didn't actually do anything specific this year to generate any.  The true masters of making Korean netizens cry like dumb little bitches, T-ara no longer have to even try - all T-ara have to do to keep Korea's precious crybabies on their keyboards complaining these days is to get up each morning and go to work.  Maybe not even that - just saying the name T-ara alone is enough to throw the Internet's #1 spoiled little babies into a dummy-spitting nappy-soiling tizzy.

---

THE KPOPALYPSE "I LIKEY LIKEY DAT TEAR" GLOBAL K-POP NETIZEN TEAR EXTRACTION AND PRESERVATION AWARD 2014

• Kemy (A.KOR) - calling out 2NE1's Park Bom as a plastic surgery druggie shielded by her record label
• Sulli (f(x)) - has hiatus from f(x) to go nightclubbing, are armchair stay-at-home fatties jealous much
• Luhan (EXO) -  kicking sad EXO fans when they were down by leaving EXO right after Kris leaving EXO
• Jessica - (Girl's Generation) - leaving SNSD and turning the Divine Nine into The Hateful Eight

...and the winner is:


For all the other people listed, defenders of the individuals were as numerous as their haters, but nearly everyone hated Kemy for calling out Park Bom's drug-smuggling ways in a rap, as well as taking shots at the power of YG Entertainment to keep her scandal covered up and minimise the impact to her career.


To top it all off, she delivered her rap verse with the kind of lyrical skill and wit that YG artists have always been hyped to have but almost never delivered.  While I think being an anti-drugs rapper kind of sucks, I think being a stupid YG fangirl sucks even more, so I'll pick the lesser of the two evils and Kemy therefore gets my vote of support.

---

THE KPOPALYPSE "I LIKE DIS LIKE DAT YEAH" K-RAP CREDIBILITY AWARD 2014

• Zico (Block B) - swearing a lot in a rap song and upsetting faggot bitches
• Tymee - dissing Jolly.V on a track and then forgetting her lines onstage in a rap battle against her
• Bobby (Ikon) - explaining how hip-hop is all about hanging out with your friends after not showering
• Swings - for being Swings

...and the winner is:


Here he is presumably after a basketball game which means that he's very sweaty and probably hasn't showered yet, which is very hip-hop.  Another hip-hop activity Bobby is known for is dissing idol rappers for being idol rappers when you're an idol rapper yourself and therefore don't have much of a (presumably sweaty and unwashed) leg to stand on.  At least Kemy probably isn't a druggie (yet - give her a few years).  Anyway naturally Bobby gotserved.  Poor Bobby.

---

THE KPOPALYPSE "SHUBIDUBI SHALALALA URIDURI YAYAYAYA" CROSS-CULTURAL K-POP SENSITIVITY AWARD 2014

• Pritz - wearing girly play-Nazi costumes and upsetting sensitive westerners
• CL (2NE1) - sampling a miniscule portion of the Koran and upsetting sensitive easterners
• Red Velvet - using WWII news clippings to highlight the pointlessness of war and upsetting sensitive Japanese, also Wendy bonus parodies
• Zico (Block B) - swearing a lot in a rap song like every other rapper ever and upsetting faggot bitches

 ...and the winner is:


As you can see, Zico was sure to fill his bathtub with cookies, because bathing in water makes you clean and that just isn't hip-hop.  Zico knows what hip-hop is, and he also knows how to be an erudite, culturally aware person.


In "Tough Cookie" he gave a friendly and inclusive shout out to gay people and to females with his now-iconic "faggot bitch" line, and was also careful to showcase the US confederate flag (I didn't even notice it but apparently it's in the video somewhere) to generate awareness and discussion of US heritage, the American Civil War and black slavery among the k-pop community, which it definitely did.  Pity the song was offensive anyway just by virtue of being some atrocious disgusting trap-beat yoloturd, but at least he tried to be culturally sensitive to make up for the musical shortfall.  Isn't that right, Netizenbuzz.

---

THE KPOPALYPSE "BO PEEP BO PEEP" AWARD FOR HIGHLIGHTING LACK OF K-POP FANGIRL CRITICAL THINKING 2014

• Kim Hyun Joong (SS501) - beats up his partner, gets away with it, his fans rally behind him
• Seo Jisoo (Lovelyz) - victimised with obviously fabricated "bully evidence", everybody believes it anyway
• Jessica (Girl's Generation) - leaving SNSD which obviously means that she's a selfish bitch
• Sulli (f(x)) - has hiatus from f(x) to go nightclubbing, what a cao ni ma

---

 THE KPOPALYPSE "C'MON C'MON MAKE IT, C'MON C'MON TAKE IT" AWARD FOR STUNNING ACHIEVEMENT IN THE FIELD OF K-POP GENDER RELATIONS 2014

• Gain (Brown Eyed Girls) - for being "classy sexy" in a MV
• Chaness - for being "classy sexy" in a MV
• Kim Hyun Joong (SS501) - for being "classy sexy" in real life
• Aron (NU'EST) - believes in the "bro code"

---

THE KPOPALYPSE "T-ARA LOVE" AWARD FOR THE 2014 K-POP GIRL GROUP DEBUT ABLE TO GENERATE THE MOST HATE FOR NO PARTICULAR REASON OTHER THAN BEING ATTRACTIVE FEMALES THAT OTHER LESS ATTRACTIVE FEMALES ARE JEALOUS OF

• Red Velvet - supposedly hated for some scandals no-one cares about, but really hated because they dared to debut and show their faces
• Pritz - supposedly hated for some scandals no-one cares about, but really hated because they dared to debut and show their faces
• Sonamoo - supposedly hated for some scandals no-one cares about, but really hated because they dared to debut and show their faces
• Lovelyz - supposedly hated for some scandals no-one cares about, but really hated because they dared to debut and show their faces

---

THE KPOPALYPSE "BLING BLING JEWELRY CHAIN" 2014 AWARD FOR THE K-POP PERFORMER MOST WILLING TO GO THE EXTRA MILE TO PAY OFF THEIR TRAINEE DEBTS

• Dahee (GLAM) - extortion of a celebrity for 5 billion won?  I like that.
• Bumkey - meth and ecstasy dealing underneath the squeaky-clean surface of k-pop?  I'd just like to say that I called it.
• Megan Lee - if you don't like one contract, just sign a different one in another country!  All aboard for hyper-litigation madness.
• Luhan (EXO) - meanwhile Luhan says "hey Megan stop stealing my ideas!"

---

THE KPOPALYPSE "IN MY EYES, EVERYTHING IS SEXY" AWARD FOR THE BEST UNDER-THE-RADAR OR "WHITE-COATER" SEXY CONCEPT IN 2014

• Strawberry Milk for OK - what a cute concept, I'll take four jugs today, thank you milkman
• Lovelyz for Candy Jelly Love - it's the best ever cum in my life
• N.O.M for Nature Of Man - gay BDSM fetish club fashion pretending to be straight k-pop fashion so it can sneak under the MOGEF with a 15+ rating
• Apink for LUV - they've never looked more fuckable, yet supposedly this is a "cute" concept

---

What is a banger?

Urban Dictionary presents the following definition:

If a song is extremely tight or just unbelievably awesome, it is a banger.

But how exactly do we know what tightness is necessary for bangerdom? How awesome does a song have to be to be awesome enough to be bangin'?



After great deliberation, research, and pain-staking artistic development, I've managed to put together a nifty flowchart that will help any casual KPop listener quickly identify bangers with 99%* accuracy.
*I'm just fucking with you, I made that number up.

Enjoy!

Click to ENLARGE

DISCLAIMER: THE CONTENT AND INFORMATION CONTAINED WITHIN THIS FLOWCHART DOES NOT CONSTITUTE ANY OFFICIAL CLASSIFICATION OF BANGERS AND IS NOT GUARANTEED TO BE COMPLETE, CORRECT, OR UP-YO-DATE. ANTIKPOPFANGIRL IS NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR ANY POSSIBLE SOCIAL OSTRACIZATION, BULLYING, OR OTHER FORMS OF HARM (WHETHER PHYSICAL OR EMOTIONAL) THAT MAY OCCUR FROM INCORRECT IDENTIFICATION OF A SONG AS A BANGER. USE WITH YOUR OWN DISCRETION. 

(So, I started this post yesterday when Jewelry was still a thing and it was going to be a post about how we need to desperately fap to them so they don't disband but then I woke up to this news and now it's a moot point. So I guess let's fap to the memories...)

Do I like... Yes!

This week's photo comes from Sasuke I., who found this post on kpopsecrets.tumblr.com:

I've been doing this feature on my blog for a couple years, but I've decided to share it here now, too. Basically, it's a roundup of the week's most ridiculous kpop news. You can read more about the inspiration for the feature here.
Now down to business. And by business, I mean the stupid shit that happened in kpop this week. We've got a celeb who looks like a dinosaur, the "Most Perfect Man of 2014," and an idol who lets famous people use his home for hookups.

• Koreaboo and Dispatch announce unholy alliance.

• And just in case you weren't entirely sure that they're the absolute worst, Koreaboo also compiled a list of the top kpop crotch grabs. Spoiler: It's 40% Exo. Sorry if I ruined the surprise for you.

"SO sorry if my home makes you look poor, Dasom."

• Actor Kim Woo Bin admits to looking like a dinosaur. I actually like him more for admitting that.

• Kwanghee worries about his damn laminates. Maybe if he wasn't so fake and fragile, he wouldn't have to worry so much.

• Idol singer/actor Im Siwan tells people not to assume he's never had a girlfriend. 

• Lee Joon's been gettin' that non-celeb ass for two years now.

• Speaking of ass, apparently T.O.P. lets other celebs hook up in his villa. YG denies this, of course.

• Hyorin says she felt weird showing her house for "Showtime," proceeds to humblebrag about how she's making more bank than the other Sistar members. (Clearly, she was excluding Soyu, right?)

• Dispatch reveals incriminating text messages between Lee Byun Hun and Lee Ji Yeon. They're not as sexy or descriptive as you'd hope.

• Kim Soo Hyun selected as "Most Perfect Man of 2014." I didn't need a survey to tell me that.

• And winner of this week's I Can't Believe It's News Award: Crossword puzzle mentions CL.

Once upon a time, in a land far away, there existed a mystical land of wonder and magic called KOREA.



KOREA was a strange place to be sure, but its people were possessed of a youthful vigor that enabled them to perform great feats of superhuman ability. There were those who never aged a single day past 20. There were those whose eyes, noses, lips, jaws, and chins shrank at will and no one suspected a thing. Some were even rumored to be able to go days on end without sleep!

Regardless of their powers, the Koreans were universally beloved by their neighbors who lived in the nearby land of AMERICA. Though they were certainly not as fair to behold or as full of physical splendor, the Americans possessed a spirit of industry and a unique culture they were more than happy to share with others. In those days, a Golden Age of communication and mutually beneficial exchange of information and technology brought great prosperity to both lands. The Americans used Korean gadgets and entertainment to make their daily lives more idyllic, and the Koreans used American fads, foods, and language to make the representatives of their people, the Idols, more breathtakingly wonderful to behold.


Alas, this Golden Age was not to last forever. Before long, a small but vocal minority banded together to criticize what they saw as the folly of KOREA. The Idols especially, who worked tirelessly to give unto both lands their special dances, songs, and unparalleled visuals, were attacked by the people who rallied under the banner of Citizen. Though the Idols themselves managed to keep their splendor, the vitriol the Citizens spewed was enough to corrupt the everyday man and woman. Those who lost themselves to the hate espoused by the Citizens lost their power, their features morphed into a cruel visage and their bodies were twisted into mere shadows of their former selves.

At first, the existence of the Citizens were dismissed as the delusions of raving madmen and women. But their numbers slowly grew and grew until their vitriol and terrible jealousy became too powerful to be ignored any longer. Citzens quickly overran the entirety of KOREA, and Idols became a small minority. The Idols were forced to concede to their wishes, and the people who were yet untouched by the corruption were too fearful of persecution and of being tainted themselves to speak up against the insanity of the Citizens.

But out of the flames of those terrible times rose a group of people who took it upon themselves to liberate the commons and bring the injustices of the Citizens to light. They fought long and hard for each victory to redeem the fallen, bitter though it was. They lost many companions over the years, but still they pressed onward to bring the message of sanity and rationality to the people in hopes of freeing them from their hatred and curing them of the taint. Sadly, they were like a candlelight in the dark night, and they slowly began to lose more ground than they gained.

Before it was too late, the group convened one last time to decide the fate of their organization and the people they fought for. Deciding that KOREA itself was a lost cause, they sought to gather as many as they could save and flee the country. They placed all their hopes and dreams in the legendary Oregon Trail, a perilous journey over thousands of miles that ended in the promised land. They sought to reach a place where all could live in peace, cooperation, and safety from the Citizens.

This is the story of one such band of heroes, the Anti Kpop-Fangirl team.

Our story begins with the band of 5:

• Chuck, the charismatic founder and official leader of the team
• ShinBi, his right hand woman and his most trusted advisor
• Kpopalypse, an old man whose true age no one knows but whose wisdom is unparalleled
• FanyPack, a peppy young woman whose outward exuberance mourns the loss of her lover SoyeonFriend in the conflict
• Zaku, the youngest member of the team and full of an enthusiasm that the conflicts had yet to rob from him

I while ago I made a bias list because everyone was always asking me what k-pop girls I liked, and why, so rather than explain who I liked and why I liked my favourites over and over, I could just lazily link people to the list which did all the explaining for me.  However, it's been about a year since that list was made, and there have been new entrants into k-pop who have come to my attention, "got prettier" or otherwise met required standards.  As people constantly ask me about this shit, this means my existing bias list has become less and less useful over time.  Time to give the bias list a much-needed update, rejuggle and expansion!


Who will meet required standards?  Which new entrants will make it on?  Will any previous entrants be excluded?  Will people feel compelled to leave pointless comments below about how they disagree with my picks as if anyone really gives a shit what some random blogger asshole thinks are hot girls anyway?  Read on and find out as Kpopalypse reveals his top 10 biases!

THE KPOPALYPSE 2015 BIAS LIST

1. Raina (Orange Caramel/After School)

Raina's recent preference for long dark hair and generally excellent styling in all her 2014 comebacks (all 26 of them) means that she is looking better than ever and retains her #1 spot despite stiff competition (insert pun about my stiff penis here).  She may or may not have "got prettier", I can't really tell... but she's looking a lot more camera-friendly these days for whatever reason, so I calmly accept.


She even looked great in those crappy rap duets with Kanto and San E, where she got to wear cute preppy fashions that suit her instead of the weird fetish shit After School normally wear.


She's still not as photogenic as other idols though, so because a moving Raina is always prettier than a still Raina, now you have a video of her singing a 2NE1 song from back when 2NE1 actually had songs and not whatever nonsense it is that they do now instead.

2. Eunjung (T-ara)

Eunjung also stepped up her hotness game, preserving her spot in the bias list against new entrants by consistently proving that she can look great in photos wearing just about any old crap (like the $10 secondhand op-shop detective coat above), which kind of makes her the opposite of Raina, yet still hot.


Eunjung is actually even able to make generic gym gear look good, without resorting to padding unlike her groupmates.


The whole of T-ara actually looked the best they have in years in the white top/red skirt combo that they had going on for their "Little Apple" performance on Music Core, a performance that shall go down in history for enhancing the Kpopalypse fap folder.  Anyway there's enough examples of Eunjung being hot all over my blogging so I don't need to drag this entry on any further, let's move on.

3. Jaewon (Delight)

The first new entry on this list is Delight's Jaewon, the nugu group's new fifth member who was recently added presumably to enhance their fap quota.  It's virtually impossible to find decent pictures anywhere of Jaewon, however notorious k-pop fancam maker Pharkil is picking up the shortfall - observe his high levels of determination to make high-quality Jaewon fancams!


Jaewon easily has what it takes to shoot directly to the upper echelons of the Kpopalypse bias list, and she could potentially ascend even higher if one day my faith in Rainaism is shaken by too many trips to the Gangnam clinic.  They both seem to have a similar face thing going on, and Jaewon to me looks like a cross between Raina, Seunghee and that cute girl you knew in high school who jerked you off behind the bike shed that one time.


Hani isn't the only person who has Pharkil to thank for a quality-of-life boost - Pharkil, if you ever find yourself in Adelaide consider yourself invited to dinner by Kpopalypse for enhancing my appreciation of k-pop aesthetics.  I'm not as hot as Hani but I probably have a much larger porn collection, so bring a USB stick and I'll make it worth your while.

4. The Three Caonimas: Sulli, Subin, Ji-u

Cao Ni Ma alert - the Chinese authorities have recently banned puns in a laughable attempt to crack down on use of the "grass mud horse" and several other terms that Chinese have been using to tell the authorities to fuck off with their stupid censorship already.


The pun ban is obviously a thinly-veiled targeted attempt to destroy the impact of brave anti-censorship crusader Sulli from f(x).  However, like any attempt to curtail free expression anywhere, if you attack freedom it doesn't go away, it divides and retaliates!


Subin from Berry Good has more than a passing resemblance to Sulli and could easily be her little sister.  She's even got Sulli's hot asymetrical eye thing going on.


Then there's Ji-u from Minx who also gets pretty damn close to Sulli-ness, especially in the "Why Did You Come To My Home" MV (she's the one in the Coca-Cola top). Now the Chinese have three cao ni mas to contend with!


Even though Sulli is still the only one of these three that I fap to, until I learn how to tell them apart and more images and info are released, they can all occupy the same place on this list just as a "placeholder" type of thing, and for reference purposes to support future cao ni ma action.

5. Hong Jin Young

Trot singer Hong Jin Young is probably 57 kinds of nipped, tucked and sucked but I don't really give a fuck how many jawshaves she got, I can still fap.


Little known trufax - Hong Jin Young is also queen of the "look no seatbelts" selca, she has tons of these photos inside various automobiles.  Here's hoping she doesn't faceplant on any asphalt anytime soon because that would be a sad tragedy plus a waste of valuable natural resources, mind you I think her boobs will protect her from the worst of the impact.


She can even make duckface work, which gives her one up on the likes of Lizzy.  How does she do it?  Maybe it's because she's also so brainy.


This chick has got a PhD in fap or some shit, fucking hell.  I've always liked smart girls - it doesn't matter how much fucking you're going to be doing with someone, you're still going to be talking to them more than doing anything else so it's important that a girl can hold her own in the important area of rubbing brain cells together to make a thought.  Even better if they wear hot glasses like in the above picture... but I wish her certificate wasn't in the way.  Hong Jin Young I know you're proud of your academic achievements but please, stop obstructing important areas.

6. Puer Kim

The average k-pop girl's figure really isn't something that I'm into.  Most of my bias list is made up of people who got in just because their face was super-cute.  Puer Kim is the exception that proves the rule - her face might look like Sistar's Soyou after she ate a bag of lemons in half of her pics but I don't care because that body...


This is they type of body that I like, not Hani, Dahye or whatever most other k-pop fans seem to be into.  Call the fucking alphabet doctor because your bias has just been out-S-lined.


The only problem with Puer Kim is that there really aren't enough pictures of her, pretty much every single good one I've already used in other posts.  She really needs to pimp out that figure more.  Well, okay, she doesn't need to do jack shit, but I'd certainly like it if she did.

7. Seunghee

Another great MBK hiring, those upset at the disbandment of F-ve Dolls should not worry for Seunghee as she is still being given plenty of work to do, playing the "token hot chick" in just about every second MBKmusicvideo that comes out these days.  Just as well for me too.


Fans can rest assured that MBK isn't going to leave someone this hot on the shelf, you'll be seeing a lot more of Seunghee should she choose to continue her career.  I wouldn't be at all surprised if she turned up in a new MBK group, this should hopefully annoy insecure netizens almost as much as T-ara does.


Seunghee is going to make a lot of fangirls cry and a lot of guys fap in the near future.  You heard it here first.  Go suck a lemon lollipop if you can't handle it.

8. Sunny (Girls' Generation)

Sunny is still as hot as ever plus she is rocking more and more sexy resting bitchface these days, and I approve.  Maybe all that fuck-around with Jessica has finally gotten to her and wiped away the veneer of fake-ass emotional labour, leaving behind the slutty bitchy sexy boobalicious core.


I can see it in her eyes, I think some kind of switch has gone off inside her head and she now gives less fucks than usual about many different types of idol bullshit.  As a firm advocate of giving less fucks about all sorts of shit in general, I can only applaud this.


Notice how there are eight objects in the tray, not nine.  I bet you didn't even notice this subtle Jessica shade because you were too busy trying to make out the contour of her boobs.  So was I - no wonder the Jessica thing got us all by surprise.  I think that Sunny could deal drugs openly in broad daylight and nobody could notice because we'd all be looking at her tits.  Thus by highlighting the power of boobs her place in the Kpopalypse bias list is assured.

9. Qri (T-ara)

When I was searching up Qri (aka Seunghee 1.0) images for this post I accidentally put the "I" and the "R" the wrong way around in the search bar and I instead stumbled across the site Quality In Research.  It made me think that perhaps we need some more quality in research regarding whether Qri's boobs have "got prettier" lately.  They seem quite big now, and she's sure been taking a lot of boob-friendly selcas lately too, but as for the truth about her appearance, she's tight-lipped.


How much plastic surgery Qri has received over the years is a more closely guarded secret than how many times Hwayoung dropped the nail polish in the bathwater, but who cares because Qri is hot with or without a boob job.


All that is known for now is that Qri will continue to take selcas and Kpopalypse will continue to fap.

10. Park Jimin (15&)

Rounding out this list both literally and figuratively is Park Jimin.  Look at her face.  That's probably exactly the expression that you're making right now, as well as the one that she'll probably make if she ever finds out that she made it onto this list.  However it's trufax that I think Park Jimin is a hottie capable of Kpopalypse bias list inclusion, she has just the kind of appearance that I like in both face and body (i.e she looks like she has probably eaten sometime this week) - plus she speaks perfect English which is a plus.  I don't even know if she believes her own hotness herself because most of her own photos have her pulling ultra-dorky faces:


...but it's true.  I know I'll get pedo accusations from mouth-breathing morons over this because anyone who follows her probably still thinks of her as "that kid who won that competition" but she's 17.5 years old at the time of writing, which is legal age in South Australia, cuntfaces.  She probably wants to be considered a grown-up just like any other 17.5 year old I've ever met ever (including me when I was 17.5), so I'll treat her like such.  You Americans still have to wait six months before you can legally blow your load over hot pictures like this:


She could seriously move up higher in this list in the years to come too, she just needs to take more good quality pictures, of which there's a definite lack of at the moment.  It's actually quite tricky to search her up because there's a guy in Bangtan Boys called Park Jimin as well so let's all search up this girl as often as possible and improve her search ranking so she can compete and I can find her pics easier for the future when she gets a sexy concept.  Do it, JYP.  Do it for Kpopalypse.

---

That's the end of the Kpopalypse bias list for 2015!  I'll do another one of these periodically for you curious folks who actually weirdly give a shit about what I do and don't like as if it's important or relevant to your life in any way whatsoever (you fucking clowns).  Try to not write a 2000 word essay about how your bias isn't here, won't you?

Netizenbuzz recently posted a summary from Instiz of the various plans the big KPop companies had for 2015, and an anon of mine from my Ask.fm wanted to get my thoughts on it. I've gone ahead and fleshed out my answer a bit and made it a full post on Kpopalypse's recommendation, so if you find this uninteresting you can blame him and not me. :D
Plans:

- A Pink will be focusing on concerts after their January concerts and will then spread out into an Asian tour
- They have a positive response in Japan so they will be focusing on international schedules as well
- Huh Gak comeback in the beginning of the year
- New boy group to be launched in the second half of the year

Meh. I'll probably get a lot of flak and accusations of "shit taste" for this, but I've never really cared much for A Pink. At all. Sure they've got some cute faces, but their style of music is completely uninteresting to me. Even though they've somehow managed to corner the market in aegyo oppa-pop, their consistent attempts to recapture the magic of pre-Genie SNSD is what keeps them solidly in the "ignore" category for me. Naeun is the number 1, if not the only reason I even have the slightest smidgen of interest.

All of it is moot anyway since it seems like they're going to just tour abroad most of the time. And don't let "international" schedules fool you, they'll probably just make one stop in New York, LA, or London. Maybe if you're lucky, they'll go to São Paulo, but I think they'll just stick to East and Southeast Asia.

None of their other acts interest me. Huh Gak is some boring ballad singer with nothing that really stood out to me before, and unless this upcoming song radically deviates from the norm, I will continue to ignore him. Boy group debuts tend to fall within 2 categories these days: "noona slayer" or "YOLO thugswag," none of which appeals to me at all. Without more information, I don't care about them either.



Plans:

- Will be focusing on their singers developing into musicians
- More focus will be put on 4minute and G.NA
- 4minute comeback in the beginning of the year
- New girl group CLC scheduled for debut

Right off the bat, I'm incredibly suspicious and skeptical of this "developing singers into musicians" bit. I hate myself for even suggesting this, but it seems like they're just copying the typical YG approach to their idols and trying to market Cube stars as multi-threat talents when I'm sure the majority of them can't be fucked to do anything other than they were originally debuted to do. If anything, the only one worth going solo at this point is probably just Hyuna or that one guy from B2ST that gets rave reviews from netizens about his acting. I don't even know that goddamn name, so that probably indicates how successful that'll be with the average person. But, I still hold out hope for my girl Jiyoon who's been languishing away in the dungeon with the other PoMinits.

Short hair Jiyoon is best Jiyoon.

And on that note, more focus on 4Minute probably means more than one comeback scheduled this year. I don't know about you, but I've always held a soft spot for them since Jiyoon and Jihyun won my heart with their hotness over the years, especially in Volume Up. Speaking of which, perhaps they will redeem themselves in the public eye for all the garbage they've put out since Volume Up. And maybe, just maybe, it'll be cool to call yourself a 4NIA again.

Plans:

- KARA to broaden their activities to China
- More focus on concerts
- 'DSP Girls' scheduled for debut
- Male idol group scheduled for second half of the year

KARA broadening to China doesn't sound very interesting to me. Poor Youngji will probably be super tired from all that crap if she doesn't get pulled from variety shows to focus on those promotions. That's terrible news for shows like Roommate who was practically revived from the brink of death by her crazy and adorable shenanigans with and without Jackson. I hope they do manage to squeeze in another comeback in there somewhere, but since MammaMia was so great, I'm not in too much of a rush to get more KARA.

Since I'm a broke bloke who doesn't even live in Korea, increased focus on concerts doesn't really affect me too much. I'll check out a fancam or two, but that's pretty much it unless something more interesting happens at one.

If "DSP Girls" means my girl Somin gets to debut finally, I'm all for it. GIVE US MORE SOMIN!!


Or DO I want her to debut... I want her to be in a better agency because DSP is the devil and no one should be subjected to the hell that awaits anyone who isn't the apple of the Korean media's eye at any given moment. Will anyone care about Hara 2.0 when Hara 1.0 still exists and is still totally relevant? #FREEMYNIGGASOMIN

Again, I don't care about most boy groups so this DSP guy group doesn't register much on my interest radar.

Finally, RAINBOW COMEBACK STILL NEVER, WHAT THE HELL DSP...! Only Rainbow could go through an entire cycle of fresh new haircuts and hair dyes to generate false hope in the 28 Rain-nous still left in this thrice damned forsaken fanclub WITH NO PAYOFF. It's like a terrible game of edging but you don't get to reach orgasm at all because COMEBACK FUCKING NEVER.

FUCK YOU DSP #FREERAINBOW



Plans:

- VIXX will be focusing on international schedules
- Sung Shi Kyung and Park Hyo Shin will remain in the ballad market
- Seo In Guk will focus on Japanese activities
- Girl group to be launched in the second half of the year

Who the hell is even in Jellyfish Entertainment? Before this news article, I didn't even know that they were a thing until I saw VIXX listed under them.

Like I mentioned before, "international schedules" means East and Southeast Asian over 95% of the time. Especially considering that this is probably a small company with very limited market share, I highly doubt VIXX will be coming to exotic locales outside of Asia so don't get your hopes up at all. With my recently generated interest in VIXX thanks to a couple of strong singles, I would have been pretty interested in their comeback. But if they're not coming out with any new stuff, I don't care about this company at all.

Ballad singers are snooze-able passes, Seo In Guk never appealed to me anyway so his Japanese focus will continue to go ignored.

If this upcoming girl group has an interesting set of teasers or concept or at least a good song, I'll be more than happy to give them a chance. Until we get more information closer to their debut time, it's probably not worth devoting brain power to remembering that they're going to debut at all.

Seriously, when was the last time JYP was a leader of anything?

Plans:

- Preparing for the launch of girl group Six Mix
- Also the launch of Five Live
- miss A, 15&, and Park Ah Yeon are preparing comebacks

Oh JYP... Ever since the collapse of the Wonder Girls and the exile of 2PM to Japan to do god knows what besides anything relevant, the company has been the butt of many netizen jokes regarding competence of their eponymous leader and whether JYP even deserves to be considered among the Big 3 anymore. The splash debut of GOT7 has gone a long way towards to recovering this lost public confidence, but we'll see if 2015 will continue the upward trend.

First of all, who the hell is Six Mix? The only information I can dig up from an admittedly cursory Google search tells me they're going to be a 6 membered group who plans to debut in April. And their name is supposed to be stylized as 6MIX in the vein of GOT7 and other upcoming group 5LIVE. JYP's last few debuts (with the exception of his soloists) have tended to be great or at least decent enough to survive until they get a good song, so I remain optimistic and interested in 6MIX at least.

5LIVE on the other hand... meh. I've said it a couple of times already, but I don't really care for guy groups too much. If JYP still has enough magic left in the plastic pants to give them something great like GOT7 got with A and Stop Stop It, they might have a shot. But unless the stars align, I don't see them getting out from under the shadow of Jackson's big wang, much less that of GOT7 as a whole.

The one thing that does give me a great deal of pure excitement is the Miss A comeback hype!! I'm very eager to get Suzy and especially the Number 1 Chinese Princess FEI back with new material (cum at me Victoria stans).


But if history is anything to go by, they'll be getting a solid lead promotional single with a better gem that goes unpromoted on their mini album. That's not bad by any means, but I do hope JYP chooses the right song this time around. At least we'll be seeing Miss A back on variety shows again, because Fei is a perfect goddess made human flesh. Seriously, who else has this level of talent and beauty all in one? Don't answer that, I know Jaekyung exists, but she's not in JYP so there.



Plans:

- Many new projects in the New Year with a new boy band + girl group
- Kim Kwang Soo is preparing a boy band like MC the Max/FT Island
- The new girl group will be completely different from T-ara in style
- T_ara will be promoting actively with solo projects

I have to admit, I didn't remember who MBK were until I saw Kim Kwang Soo's name with T-ara. THEN, I realized CCM rebranded (or reorganized or renamed or whatever the hell the justification was) itself. Just thought you'd like to know, I'm sure I'm not the only one. ADMIT IT.

Like I've said many many times in this article alone, guy groups don't really interest me so I don't care about this boy band crap. If their sound is going to be like FT Island, I could especially care less. KPop rock is just not that great to me, but I do like CN Blue for some reason. Maybe those guys just do it better.

I do have mild interest in this new girl group, though "completely different from T-ara in style" could turn out to be anything from utter shit or even a total lie. T-ara's formula, upbeat highly dance-able electropop bangers, is something that WORKS no matter how much certain translator sites or Korean netizens would have you believe. Why change what ain't broken?? Who knows, maybe they'll try something interesting but please, for the love of god, don't do aegyopop. In the end, I'm sure they'll just go back to the T-ara formula or face the shitshow that was Co-Ed School or whatever the hell that group was, Gangkiz, F-ve Dolls, and all the other flopped girl groups who tried to be "not T-ara."

Speaking of whom, no T-ara group comeback is a bit of a damper. But since we got Sugar Free last year, I'm not in too much of a dry spell without them. Let's all pray that "solo projects" means solo songs and not acting. I'll admit Jiyeon's solo was solid if not exactly my cup of tea, but Hyomin's was laughable. Let's see if a second go round would make things better, but drama projects do NOT interest me in the slightest.

Exceptions can be made if they do more schoolgirl outfits in a drama or something like that.

Plans:

- Will finally unveil a big project they've been working on for four years
- Boy group Seventeen will debut in the beginning of the year
- Orange Caramel will promote actively to the point where they seem like a group on their own, no longer a sub unit
- After School will be going through a rebirth in the second half of the year
- Many projects planned in collaboration with China in not only music but concerts and beauty

I completely forgot who else was in Pledis because Orange Caramel completely overshadowed everyone else in the company. The fact that Orange Caramel essentially becoming its own group speaks volumes about the company's intentions regarding the group. I'm sure they've finally realized the magnitude of the golden goose they've got on their hands and are determined to see every egg fall into their hands. 2014 saw them have 3 whole comebacks, and that was when Pledis still considered them a "side-project." I shudder to think about how many they could possibly cram into a yera to be considered a fully independent group.

Smirk while you can, Nana. ;___;7

With the effective liberation of Orange Caramel from the shackles of After School, Pledis realized there's nothing left in After School. Hence, "rebirth." I assume this means they'll either:

1. Force everyone to graduate and start fresh with a new class so to speak
2. Add in a couple of new members to replace Nana, Lizzy, and Raina
3. Keep everything the same but make UEE the new focus.

Regardless of what happens, I don't see UEE sticking around for much longer. Poor girl used to be the darling of Korea until all the fresh blood came in and she was relegated to the sidelines after Orange Caramel blew up. She probably regrets not accepting the offer to do the sub-unit shtick, huh?

I miss her.

Seventeen only catches my eye because I distinctly remember writing an article about them way back in 2012 when news of their creation? existence? was first media played. Long story short, it's a 17-membered group with an average age of 17 and all sorts of 17 numerology bullshit to make a SONE jizz him or herself with joy. Last I heard, they were going to split them up into 3 teams to market EXO style to Korea, Japan, and China simultaneously. Am I excited about them? Hell no. Do I anticipate full-scale fandom warfare between fans of this new group and EXO-Ls about the overlapping niche? Yes. Gimme the schadenfreude, baby.

I'm also rather intrigued about this mysterious 4-year project they've got ready to unveil. As far as slowburn debut hype goes, JYP's got them blown the fuck out with G-Soul's 14 year wait. Perhaps it'll be a return of a co-ed group? Pledis scooped up all the graduated After School members for some kind of project group called Post University? I dunno, I'm throwing random shit out there cause we know fuck all about it.



Plans:

- Will be focusing on solo projects to bring out new charms in their artists
- Jonghyun, Amber's solos
- BoA's 15th anniversary, EXO, Super Junior comebacks

Ok, to be honest I'm only interested in whatever they might do for BoA's 15th anniversary. BoA's had a rather quiet year in 2014 despite her efforts in Japan, but maybe that's exactly why. At any rate, we're more than a little overdue for some new Korean material. I know, I know, she had a solid comeback in 2013 and 2 years is not THAT long a wait if you look at the big picture. I personally found The Shadow to be a great song if you must know. But goddamn it I miss her anyway, and we can't have SNSD, I want BoA to explode back with a bonafide banger to reclaim her throne.

Speaking of whom, I'm assuming that SM wants them to lay low for a while to let the OT9 SONEs either die out or come to the realization that even SNSD themselves don't want Jessica to come back. Sunny is doing more than her part to speed along the process with her Instagram and other social media updates dropping slightly cryptic hints to the effect of "Fuck Jessica, we 8 now." Whether her efforts will bear fruit remains to be seen, but until then, Yuri remains the strange adopted kid no one really notices in the family despite her best efforts to either impress the foster parents or act out in a desperate plea for attention.

Yes yes, eat your vegetables, dear.

Despite my love for Overdose, I have no confidence that EXO will be able to replicate the success they had with that song in my eyes. It's better to go into 2015 with the expectation that they'll be utter shit as if Overdose never happened, this way we won't be as disappointed when they go back to shitting in our ears again.

Super Junior have become a joke without a punchline these days, and I'm fairly certain their glory days are long past. Most of their fans have completed the transition from ELF to EXO-L by now, and anyone left in the fandom are unlikely to command the same power they did at the height of the ELFish Golden Age (aka Sorry Sorry to maybe Mr. Simple when everyone realized they were probably just going to try to copy the Sorry Sorry formula until the End of Days). As such, I'll pay as much attention to their comeback as I did the last one. READ: absolutely none.

Red Velvet comeback never... I'm still waiting for them to give me a good song, Irene is a best in that group.

Almost because of the rapid disintegration of their marquee groups (SNSD, F(x), and EXO all in one year, goddamn), SM have decided to cut their losses and give everyone left in SM a solo debut in order to milk every last bit of cash their dwindling star power has left before they too inevitably bounce out. Jonghyun's already gone first, with Amber surprisingly upcoming next. Hey, if Henry can make it big as a Chinese-American boy in an unfriendly town, surely Amber's got just as much of a chance to fill those androgynous shoes.

Despite the new-found carte blanche to finally have their chance to shine in the spotlight free from the overpowering better-ness of their group mates, there are those who still (for one reason or another) will not make a solo debut of any kind:

• Yuri (for reasons already mentioned above)
• Hyoyeon (if Yuri's the neglected adopted kid, Hyoyeon is the WEIRD stepsister everyone feels super awkward to be around)
• anyone from EXO (they don't need to give any of those kids any more ideas)
• anyone in Super Junior (is there even anyone left in that group capable of going solo at this point?)

Plans:

- To focus on a more variety of projects like Soyu x Junggigo to cement their label name
- Preparing for the successful launch of their rookie boy group
- They've realized that SISTAR and Boyfriend are popular in China and will put more effort into their Chinese advancements

I honestly don't give a shit about whatever Starship has planned. SISTAR started sucking after Alone for me, and all the project groups have sucked since SISTAR19 and Mah Boi.

With the track record of their current stable of artists combined with the overwhelmingly forgettable nature of their existing boy group (Boy Friend apparently), I have zero expectation or anticipation for their new debut.

Whatever SISTAR does in China, I hope they bring Soyu back to her glory days.

If we could just get a Bora and Soyu subunit, that'd be great.

Plans:

- The focus will be on TEEN TOP's solo activities in solo releases, dramas, musicals, and composition.
- The group will more actively in Korea
- 100% to focus on domestic + international promotions
- Despite having two boy groups, TOP Media will be launching a new boy group (timing unconfirmed but within the year)

Don't care. Seriously. TEEN TOP may have piqued my interest at KCON, but they've done nothing noteworthy since then. Zero expectation for their comeback or solo projects.




Plans:

- Will continue to promote SONAMOO
- SECRET to focus on solo activities like acting and solo releases
- Currently looking into international advancements for Untouchable and SONAMOO
- Discussing SECRET's Japanese promotions + SONAMOO's Chinese + Japanese debuts
- Untouchable earned a positive response in Japan so they will officially start promos there this year

I honestly forgot SECRET even existed up til now. Seriously, I don't know if it's me being unaware of their activities or them dropping off the face of the earth in terms of relevance, but what the fuck happened to them?? The last I heard of them was Hyosung's rather forgettable solo debut. I'm willing to give her another chance in honor of the beautiful mammaries memories she's given us over the years, but anyone else (aka just Jieun) has to make something different from the boring ballad stuff I can only remember her doing.

Pls comeback soon, bb (and with that awesome short hair).

I do hope they give SONAMOO some better songs eventually, or MAMAMOO will remain queens of the MOO Empire. Their debut was hyped by some, but I thought it was kinda shitty. Oh well.


Plans:

- New girl group scheduled for the beginning of the year. Details unconfirmed but it will be a large group over 5 members.
- After Jinyoung's solo activities, B1A4 will go straight into preparing for their group comeback.

Don't care. B1A4 have a modest fanbase (at least from what I could tell at KCON, my only experience with them), and I've heard they're fairly decent guys from their fans. They were very respectful to the Muslim girls they called up to do fan service for when they did a show in Indonesia(?) the other day, something my Twitter timeline has been gushing about since. That being said, I never really got into their songs. They're pretty boring male equivalents to oppa-pop, so I guess that makes them noona-slayer pop. I'm clearly the wrong target demographic, so it's understandable I guess.

Their female group might be interesting, but I see them continuing in the same vein as B1A4 and being completely boring with oppa-pop songs.


Plans:

- Will be promoting INFINITE in a variety of ways, starting with INFINITE-H and Sunggyu's solo album.
- INFINITE is also preparing a group album so fans will have a continuous flow of INFINITE promos
- New boy group is also being prepared, scheduled for debut as soon as LOVELYZ makes a name for themselves
- Their biggest concern is how well LOVELYZ will do because their following projects are scheduled around that
- Woollim will also be building a special room for their fans in the company building

Can anyone clarify the situation of Woollim merging with some SM Entertainment subsidiary for me? I never really understood what happened and conflicting reports + fandom wars made the whole thing a shitshow.

Anyway, I'm glad to see Infinite is continuing to chug out material, but I hope it's still as consistently good as their discography has been so far. I don't think they've had a dud yet, and I don't want to jinx that for them going into 2015. With all the flurry of activity, those guys run the risk of burning themselves out like BAP allegedly did. Infinite crawled their way into my heart as the top boy group (after Big Bang) of Korea, so I only wish them the best of luck. I've only heard good things about Woollim and their management in the post-Epik High era, so they've hopefully learned their lesson about how to treat their talent well.

Their concern over LOVELYZ would just get solved by getting a better song. Their debut was kinda meh, so I want to see Jisoo(the alleged lesbian dom) succeed for maximum schadenfreude.

Give her all the lesbian fanservice too for maximum jimmy rustling because no one will ever look at it with an innocent interpretation again.

"Building a special room" in the Woollim HQ sounds creepy as fuck though. It honestly sounds like some kind of brothel room where VIP fans (or ones who pay well) get to come in and touch oppa's abs or watch Jisoo dominate one of the poor trainees.



Plans:

- iKON's debut is the hot issue, scheduled for sometime early this year
- New girl group debut + Big Bang's new album are also scheduled
- Psy promised fans a full album, not a single, with him back to his colors

If there's anything that I've learned in my many years as a YG fan, it's that NOTHING IS SET IN STONE. Take everything with a massive mountain of salt until you see the MV on Youtube and the songs on iTunes.

iKON have been languishing in pre-debut hell for a while now (2013 when they were still Team B, til at least September 2014 when they were finally solidified as a roster), but the poster boys for the team have been doing more than well enough for themselves on the side. Do I expect that trend to continue until they actually get to debut for real? Yes. BI and Bobby are being played up as the next G-Dragon in every regard, so until they grow a spine and jump out from his swagfag shadow, GD's taint on YG and KPop will continue for some time to come.

Big Bang's alleged new album has me pretty hype, not gonna lie. But that shit has been promised for the past 2-3 years now. Do you remember their last real song? Pro tip: You fucking can't. It was Monster back in goddamn 20 fucking 12. Like I said before, until I see their MV on Youtube and their album on iTunes, I won't hold out much hope for it actually happening in 2015 let alone the first half of the year like some reports are saying.

NEW GIRL GROUP FINALLY? A man can dream because that shit has been media played to the point where its media play has been media played. Expectations are rather high for the second girl group to grace the banner of YG since 2NE1, so I hope they'll at least be able to give me a good song. As long as they keep GD far far away from them, we'll be fine. Maybe Epik High will bless them with a song or two, and they'll REALLY be the saviors YG needed. At the very least, I hope they'll be attractive so people can stop shitting on me for stanning a company full of uglies, even though EVERYONE seems to forget TOP and Yoo In Na exist.

SHE DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE LUMPED IN WITH THE LIKES OF GODDAMN TAEYANG, OKAY

Psy's comeback has me mildly interested, especially since he's promising a full album without the fuckery that was him trying to recapture the viral magic of Gangnam Style. Say what you will about that song, the Gangnam Style mini album was pretty good if I do say so myself. I don't care about Psy accidentally creating another viral trend so much as I hope he goes back to making good bops like he was doing before all the fame forced him to ante up.

2NE1 are probably stuck doing nothing until CL gets back from what looks to be a horrific American debut. Besides, as much as we'd all like to pretend the Crush album never happened, 2NE1's had a fairly recent comeback with a full length. Comeback is unlikely to happen until the end of the year if at all, but we can keep the flame of hope alive for Minzy to free herself from the shackles of Bom's drug smuggling ring and make a solo debut or something. MINZY, YOU DON'T HAVE TO KEEP SHUTTLING BOM'S DOPE IN YOUR BRA, BABY GIRL. JUST SAY NO!! #FREEMINZY
--------------

Remember, all of this is rather tenuous because most of it is unsourced. Until this shit actually happens, take this little preview with a grain of salt. Make your own predictions in the comments, and we can all take a look at how stupid we were later this year in December.

The Admins at Anti Kpop Fangirl spent many a late night sifting through what seemed to be an infinite pile of applications. Buzzing on high amounts of caffeine, we admins ploughed through cringeworthy humour, bland prose, eye-wateringly awful grammar, and the phrase "ovaries explode". The mission to find new authors to help us spread the Gospel of Han Ye Seul seemed impossible - something that only Tom Cruise could complete with the help of his Scientologist Mothership.

Ever since the dawn of time (well, since around about 2011) K-Pop has seen a rise not only in the amount of time given to the obligatory rap in a song, but also to the quality of the rappers. This has happened to such an extent that some company executive somewhere took time out of their busy schedule, of racquetball and slapping trainees with enormous wads of money, to create a group with a full-blown hip-hop concept. Whilst I am sure that someone will tell me about all of the hip-hop concepts in 90s K-Pop, I do not consider this assault on the eardrums to be a hip-hop concept in the same way that I don't consider Vanilla Ice to be a rapper. It would be very easy to get bogged down in which group had the first hip-hop concept in K-Pop, and it would probably make for a more interesting article, but I am here to assault you with my opinions as we take a look at hip-hop concepts since 2011 by group, and assessing not only whether or not it was a good concept to go with, but if that group stuck with it. So let us delve into the world of the try-hards and the gangsters as we come to realise that the Korean ghetto is full of unreasonably attractive people cosplaying as bandannas.

Exhibit A: BTS

Exhibit F: Boys In Groove

Exhibit G: Global Icon

Conclusions

I was reading a NetizenBuzz post about Jiyoung's acting aspirations back from her early days in KARA. Apparently people are butthurt because she was never really into the idol life and wanted to be an actress instead. It came as no surprise that the comments, both by k-netz and NB readers, were a sea of stupidity with more than a few figurative-eye-roll moments.

But the one that took the dumbass cake with a ripe little moron cherry on top, the only comment that literally made my eyes roll, was this:

[+10,464, -179] So she used KARA???


Let's take a breather for a second before my head implodes from the sheer ignorance and idiocy of that comment.

.....

Ok, I'll change the subject to save ourselves from losing IQ points (don't worry, this next bit is still sort of relevant). My very first job was at a motorway (that's English for 'freeway') service station. From my house, it took an hour and a half to get there plus the same time to get back home. For the three hour commute each shift, I would have to pay almost an hour's worth of wages. Even though the pay wasn't terrible, because of the travel costs I would have saved time and money by working minimum wage closer to home. Unfortunately, no one else would hire me at the time because I had no experience whatsoever. I had to settle for a job which, while I did enjoy, wasn't ideal in a lot of ways.

An ex-co-worker from my first job. Wait, you know her too?!

After sticking at the job for eighteen months and getting some amount of experience and qualifications, I was ready to move on to something new. I did make some friends there so it was a little sad, but reality was that all the extra travelling was expensive and tiring. I found work at a place only twenty minutes away, which made my life so much better. On top of that it was less hectic and easier than my previous job.

What does any of this have to do with Jiyoung and her acting career? Well, I'm not for a second saying that my life is anywhere near as busy and stressful as an idol's, but maybe there are certain parallels. Her idol career can be compared to my old job while her acting career is kinda like my new job. We both used our old jobs to help us because there was no other choice.

"Hold on, didn't you just call out that NB comment for saying that Jiyoung 'used' KARA to get what she wanted?" I hear you say. Yes I did, but I wasn't criticising the choice of the word 'used' so much as the implication behind it, that Jiyoung was somehow a calculating bitch who didn't care at all about her company or her fellow members, simply deceiving and backstabbing them to fulfil her own selfish goals.

"Let me be an actress or I'll strangle this kitten."

As I just showed in my boring anecdote, every person who ever gets a job 'uses' it in some way or another, and idols are no different. Sure, being an idol takes up a lot more of your life than a regular full-time job, but it's still just a job. Why isn't she allowed to treat it as such, just like anyone else would with any other job?

Did I 'use' my job to benefit my own self interest? Yes.
Did I value my time at that job even though it was a stepping stone for better work? Yes.
Did I dislike all the people at work just because the job itself wasn't ideal? No.
Did I hate my boss and want to kill her every second I was working there? No. She was actually the best boss I'd ever had at the time.

So why is it inconceivable that these things could have applied to Jiyoung? I have to admit that I don't know exactly what went down when she left the group, but my point still stands. Maybe she did 'use' KARA, maybe she didn't. But even if she did, so fucking what? Regardless of whether or not she loved what she did, she needed to do something to earn a living, just like any other human being. But apparently idols have to act like morally 'perfect' deities and uphold bullshit moral standards that no one else does or even should aspire to.

I hope at least some of you managed to stay awake through this rant.

tl;dr: netizens don't know what it means to 'use' a job

HEY CAO NI MAS, KPOPALYPSE IS STREAMING AGAIN IN JANUARY 2015!

This post has all the information you need about the KPOPALYPSE LIVESTREAM!

Q: I'm new to your livestreams.  Please explain what this is?

A: You go to a website at a designated time, sit back, drink a cup of your favourite beverage and watch Kpopalypse (some creepy Australian skinhead-looking guy who is weirdy into kpop, what an asshole) talk about k-pop stuff into a webcam for an hour or two, or three, or however long he wants to crap on for.  Maybe ask questions if you could be bothered, or if not, just watch and laugh as I rant and rave about whatever bullshit I think is important.  There will also be some unboxings and maybe some guitar playing, just because I can.  What there won't be is me putting on a stupid persona that's all bouncy and happy and shit like what you're probably used to in every other k-pop video content ever - this isn't Eat Your Kimchi, you faggot bitch.

Q: Wow, I was just going to sit and home and cry about not being able to open a drink bottle without Eunjung's help but I think I'll do this instead!  When is it happening?

There is only one stream this time, and it will be at 9:30 AM Sunday 18th January, Adelaide Australia time (GMT+10:30).  The stream will go for as long as it has to.

If you want to know when that is in your part of the world, click here for a countdown timer or click here is a world clock.

Q: What's the link?

The streaming link is: http://ustre.am/1gd6W

Q: Not justin.tv?

Sadly, they shut down because they are too busy being faggot bitches.

Q: But I don't have a webcam...?

You totally don't need one of those.  Anyone asking questions will be doing that via text, not video.  If you want to ask questions, you will need either to log in via Facebook or make a ustream.tv account - this is free.  If you don't have one and would rather not use Facebook, you may wish to go to www.ustream.tv and make one pre-emptively so you're not rushing around doing it at the last minute on the day and feeling like an unprepared doofus.  Oh, and bring your adblocker, because I'm told that the streams have ads in them now and ads are a pain in the ass.

Q: But I've just spent the last three months of my life trolling you on ask.fm, I don't have anything left to ask?

It doesn't really matter if you ask questions or not.  I'll have plenty to talk about.

Q: I'm watching your stream but you keep dropping out, why?

A: I live in Australia, where the government is too busy being a corrupt police state to worry about things like fixing everyone's shithouse Internet connections.  If a dropout happens, don't worry - I'll probably be back in a few minutes!  Just like Tony Abbott's promises, the dropouts never last long enough to be meaningful... except for the other weekend when my connection was down for the entire weekend non-stop so who knows.  Australian Internet is always a gamble - but who doesn't love to gamble? 
 

This week's photo comes from James H.:

Kpopalypse

As I was sitting on my bourgeois chair, wearing my bourgeois clothes, drinking my bourgeois cup of tea, and surfing the bourgeois Internet the other day, a thought came to me: where is the Marxism in K-Pop? We see a lot of product placement, exploitation of workers, and the existence of G-Dragon which makes one wonder when the proletariat will rise up and make themselves known in this decadent medium. Maybe it has happened already and communism is indoctrinating thousands of Korean children without anyone being aware of it in the slightest. Well, today is the day for the truth to come forward, comrades. I am going to show you how different K-Pop videos carry hidden messages from our Communist overlords, particularly in regards to Marx's stages of society. So kick back, be rid of your opiate, and sing along with me.






Now that I have set the mood, let me run through what sinister messages Korea has been sending out that threaten the very nature of our comfortable, exploitative, neoliberal society. Marx believed that history has six stages and I believe that all of these have been adequately represented somewhere in the K-Pop sphere. So let us start at the beginning of history.

Stage 1: Primitive communism

Stage 2: Slavery

Stage 3: Feudalism

Stage 5: Dictatorship of the Proletariat

This week, we explore bad decisions. The kinds of decisions that make you say, "Who the hell thought that was a good idea?"

• BTS has photoshoot at Holocaust memorial in Berlin. That is an actual thing that happened.

• T-ara fans lose their shit, Jiyeon loses her hair.

Surely, someone in this photo is single.

• Luckily, T-ara has a better reception when they're hired to perform at the birthday of a billionaire's son.

• Anti-fans take their jealous frustrations out on Nichkhun's Twitter after Tiffany rubs the couple's relationship in everyone's faces. The SNSD member Instagrammed a photo of herself in an ugly Mickey Mouse beanie, prompting angry individuals to spam Nichkhun's Twitter with such thought-provoking messages as “i wish you would die soon =]" and "come block me douchebag." I might test to see if tweeting that last one at him works.

• Girl's Day's Sojin locks down her Instagram after batshit crazy Exo fans do what they always do when Oppa dates: lose their fucking minds.

• Actress Min Hyorin is rumored to have free access to Taeyang's eyes, nose, dick. Oh, and she's friends with GD's girlfriend, Kiko, which basically makes them the most hated duo in Big Bang fan history. Are there any single Oppas left in this world?

• Keanu Reeves very excited to talk about how he shared "some similarities" with MC Shin Dong Yup 20 years ago.

• "Roommate" cast members Youngji, Jackson, and Guk Joo channel their inner Hani for EXID cover.

• Kangin promises to run in his underwear if his new movie gets a million views. I'm not sure who is hoping this happens. I know I'm not.

• Lizzy looks ghoulish for upcoming video. 

• And winner of this week's I Can't Believe It's News Award: Soyu teaches Sistars how to do aerial yoga.

I propose a spinoff show called "Sistar's Sexy Showtime," in which the members teach each other a new sexy lesson each week.