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The Focus On Netizen Comments Has Gone Too Far

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Earlier this morning, I was reading this article on Soompi and noticed a whole paragraph was dedicated to what netizens had to say. To the right in trending topics, there's this article about netizens wondering if a masked singer is Luna. Later this morning, while going on One Hallyu, I discovered that Netizen Buzz wasn't the only site dedicated to translating netizen comments. There's K-Pop K-Fans, Pann Choa, and even One Hallyu does it themselves.

Why?



One could say sites such as Anti Kpop-Fangirl fall into the same circle, but I would say that we don't. I would say AKF falls into a different, but related cluster of sites that would involve sites such as Asian Junkie and Seoul Beats. This cluster of sites generally provide an opinion on news items, events, or even netizen reactions, whether it's Korean or international netizens. The former cluster of sites are now treated as "news" sites. Many people go to these sites to get "news" about what is happening in the Korean entertainment world.

Luckily no one treats AKF as a source of news, as that is not the intent of the site. I view AKF as a platform for people to express their opinions. You'll notice that people such as Kpopalypse like Crayon Pop while I would rather listen to a YG group than Crayon Pop, and I believe I made it clear how much I dislike YG groups. That's the beauty of this site. You'll find that the majority of the K-pop sites contain hive-minded people, where anyone with a dissenting opinion is attacked incessantly. That person will either leave the site/comment sections or stay there to "troll" everyone.

My worry with hive-minded sites that are focused around netizen comment translations is that people will start to exclusively obtain their "news" on Korean entertainment through a heavily-biased opinion, and in order to fit in, parrot those same views. Even the big three news sites are incorporating more netizen articles, and among the worst offenders are Koreaboo, but that site has long since given up.

I know this site has some of its origins in dissecting idiotic comments from netizens, but with the proliferation of these netizen comment translation mills, it is in our best effort to not give such sites any attention. These sites are a cancer and they are destroying individual thought. Fuck these sites.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 76

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This week's photo comes from Ralph:


Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~
"KILL IT BEFORE IT LAYS EGGS"
Because that is how humans reproduce. We lay eggs, like chickens and some shark species.

"... you say he is average.. well FUCK YOU."
"you say you don't hate him.. then why are you telling us these things? why are you telling us your dislikes of him when you say you dont hate him?"
Yeah! How dare you have an opinion that does not align with his/her own!

"... he is a visual"
The face of any group really is important. How else do people pass their group presentations in school?

"he cant act? OH BITCH PLEASE. WHAY IS HE IN DRAMAS?"
Because everyone who acts is an amazing actor. Always.
Also... "WHAY"? What? Pardon me? How did that even happen? The "A" and "Y" are a significant distance from each other on the keyboard. That means the person replying literally went out of his/her way to add that "A" in "why". Whay would you do that?!?

"don;t you dare call yourself an inspirit just saying that"
 Because the moment you critique an idol you enjoy's work, you are immediately an anti-fan. Mutually exclusive logic.

"YOU DON'T KNOW HIM WELL ENOUGH TO SAY SO"
Because you personally know Myungsoo yourself.

"LEARN TO APPRECIATE HIM"
Like a fine wine. If you don't, you can't have nice things.

"BECAUSE YOU DON'T HAVE TO UNDERSTAND"
Ughh the story of every crazed fangirl's life: they just never use logic to try to understand anything. Blind sheep.

"im not bashing... :)"
...
.....
Right.
This was a very calm, measured response to someone voicing their opinion.


But in all seriousness: if the original poster feels that Myungsoo's awkwardness makes him/her cringe, then s/he will definitely not be able to hang out with me because I am undeniably awkward.

.___."



If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please e-mail them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to @akf_shinbi, ask them at ask.fm/akfshinbi, send them to ionlylearnedthebadthings (tumblr), or leave them in the comment section below. Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you. Thank you, FISHies!


Kpopalypse 2015 survey of important trufax – the results!

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The results are in for the Kpopalypse 2015 survey of important trufax!


Because I'm way too lazy to re-edit the absolutely massive ginormous results post that took me hours for this blog (which would take another half a day), click here to be taken to the post with all the results! 

Jiyeon's Fancam In China Is Just Amazing

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I normally don't write liking articles like this one, but I have finals next week, so I haven't had the time to continue my Jessica fanfic. However, I would let Jiyeon sit on my face and give me a Cleveland Steamer. Just GOD DAMN whenever I watch this fancam. My dick is more raw than Bobby's deep lyricism.

I hope this helps you forget Eunjung's terrible solo debut.

POSITIVE POST - Netizenbuzz

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You said that you wanted it, so here it is - Kpopalypse's positive post about the well-known Korean netizen comment translation site, Netizenbuzz!  Yay!

eunjungoaoaoaoa

Since Netizenbuzz has finally come to the party with the article that they owed T-ara in 2012, I'm going to reciprocate with a positive article of my own about all the reasons that you SHOULD be grateful for Netizenbuzz!


Observant readers will have noticed that while I've been quite vocal about some of the issues I have with the content on Netizenbuzz, I've never once suggested that people stop visiting the site (unlike Allkpop, who I've mostly boycotted since Aileegate).  Not only do I continue to recommend the site even when I'm critiquing it, I also consistently continue to link to Netizenbuzz articles.  Why is that?  Is it because I'm a colossal hypocrite?  No, it's actually because I firmly believe that Netizenbuzz is largely a good site which deserves praise.  So since this is a POSITIVE post, let's look at all the POSITIVE reasons why I like Netizenbuzz!

SOME REASONS WHY KPOPALYPASE THINKS THAT NETIZENBUZZ IS A GENERALLY GOOD SITE THAT YOU SHOULD VISIT OFTEN OCCASIONALLY

1. You can learn all about how awful Koreans are


Here's some of the things that I learned about Korea and Korean netizens since I started reading Netizenbuzz (hereafter referred to as NB to save me typing):
I think that all this education is a good thing because netizens are given way too much relevance, and learning about how fucked in the head they are is step one toward ignoring them.  I'm not just saying this now because NB posted a T-ara article with actual true stuff in it for once, I've always felt that way.  For anyone in doubt, take a look at where I thanked NB personally for her exemplary services in unearthing the disgusting trash of Korean netizen thought back at the end of 2012:

netozenrot3

It seems that I'm not the only one who has noticed her efforts - finally the word that Korean netizens are looking like shit in the eyes of the world thanks to NB has spread back to Korea, where the translations have been re-traslated back into Korean and the netizens themselves are of course horrified to see their own ugly reflections.  Naturally they reacted like bullies usually do, and NB herself details the various standover bullying tactics of Koreans to try and shut down the site's translations and/or pressure her to shut up - but don't listen, NB!  Kpopalypse supports you!

2.  T-ara's music is still good, and Netizenbuzz may have helped with that


Here's a list of some of the bigger groups that debuted around the same time as T-ara or had their bigger hits at times when T-ara was also having big hits, and what's happening with them lately.
Notice a pattern forming?  Yes that's right, most of these groups simply stopped trying around the second half of 2012.  These k-pop acts had already secured large core audiences by that point, meaning that people who were rabid fans of these groups would care about them anyway even if they released total crap (which they mostly did).  Now what else happened in the second half of 2012  - T-ara's bullying scandal, the incident that rocketed NB to fame because she was willing to go where other sites wouldn't and translate and give context to what was actually going on.  As a result of the scandal, which was amplified across the world by NB's many hate-articles, T-ara actually lost a percentage of their core audience... meaning that their agency kept giving them decent songs, to try to regain lost fans.  As a result, the post-scandal T-ara catalogue (as a group, ahem) is so far almost all solid gold: the bigger feature tracks "Sexy Love", "Number Nine", "Sugar Free" and "Do You Know Me" were all excellent songs for the domestic market, and even songs for overseas markets such as "Bunny Style" and "Little Apple" were above average, because they had to be.  Okay, so T-ara fucked up with the confused-sounding "Jeon Won Diary" but even that song was enjoyable on a non-musical level just because of the hilarious sledging of netizens in the lyrics... and arguably none of it would have been this good without NB contributing in her own special way to strengthen the impact of the scandal internationally and give something for T-ara's agency and songwriters to rally against.  What didn't kill T-ara made them stronger.  Maybe NB had nothing to do with it.  Or maybe... just maybe, they couldn't have done it without her.

netizenbit4

 

3.  The highlighting of international netizen stupidity as a community service is appreciated


Are you doing a psychology degree and need a case study in human behaviour, or perhaps you're just an amateur scholar of the human condition?  Maybe you just enjoy watching people wrest with their inner demons.  In any case, come on down to the NB comments section where the fun never stops and the logic rarely starts!  Witness as:
NB is the place where international netizens go to prove that they really are equal in stupidity to their Korean counterparts... and we should be grateful for it.  Someone has to store and maintain all that mental clutter, and NB is doing it, for you, for free!  If you ever need example of stupid online behaviours, NB's comments section has got your needs covered!  Just don't get too heavily involved in any of the discussions yourself or you may get sucked up into the mental vortex known as "netizen-rot".

netizenrot

4.  Johnny Noh doesn't like Netizenbuzz, therefore how bad can the site be, really


Johnny Noh the head wanker from shitty non-news trash site Allkpop that I hope none of you ever visit doesn't like NB presumably because she's an ex-Allkpop employee who runs a site which is pretty successful and far more respected than his crappy site and that bothers him, wow what a douche.  Anyone who Johnny Noh doesn't like enough for him to actually complain about them in public online must be alright and is potentially a friend of mine.  Maybe me, NB and Ailee can all get together and go out for a milkshake one day.



There you go folks, four fantastic reasons to be grateful and happy about Netizenbuzz!  NB has given a lot to the international k-pop fan community and she also seems to be going through a tough time right now with nasty Korean netizens bullying her so don't forget to visit her site sometime soonish and show her some love!  Tell her that Kpopalypse sent you, don't forget to say thank you for the T-ara article, and take a stand against the hurtful cyberbullying she's experiencing!  After all, she'd do the same for you... especially if you were a member of an idol group who was being unfairly victimised.  Okay, so it might take her two and a half years but she'll get around to it eventually.

netizenrot2

EXO-Ls Pillage The Comments Section In BoA's "Who Are You"

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*Review coming sometime next week.

I was excited for BoA's comeback. It's impossible to be friends with AKF and not listen to BoA a lot. This is the first time BoA has a Korean comeback since I've entered the game. However, I was dumb enough to read the comments, and 99% of them were from EXO fans. I really hate EXO fans.




(Link if the picture is too small.)

BoA is not going to gain more fans through targeting EXOs. You see, more EXO fans are either 12 years old or have severe mental problems or both. If you can stan a group that routinely releases garbage such as "Wolf," there's no way you're going to stan BoA, someone who can actually compose a song that doesn't sound like the equivalent of ear-pegging. EXO-Ls are being annoying as shit and I don't see how anyone could defend them.

(Link here if the picture is too small.)

He looks like a douchebag. I'm glad I'm not gay or a chick because all of the male idols look like effeminate queerbags, and Sehun is no exception.

(Link here if the picture is too small.)

First of all, "let's be honest" doesn't turn an opinion into a fact. Saying "Let's be honest, Sehun looks like an effeminate queerbag" doesn't make it a fact that he's an effeminate queerbag. People don't know how to use logic, but what can you expect from people who are dumb enough to stan EXO?

BoA has been in the game for 15 years now and has quite a sizable fanbase. Just because she doesn't have a lot of 12-year-old girls as fans doesn't mean that no one was going to watch this music video in the first place. Let's be real, if people had known this Sehun faggot was going to be in the MV beforehand, no male would have watched the music video.


(Link here if the picture is too small.)

EXO fans deserve all of the shit they receive because you reap what you sow. You can't go into another artist's MV, act like a cuntrag, and deserve to be respected.

(Link here if the picture is too small.)

It's okay, no one honestly expects an EXO fan to like any song that doesn't feature 12 8 queers growling like wolves on a shitty dance track.

(Link here if the picture is too small.)

This little cum stain had more screen time than BoA. That's the real tragedy, bruh.

(Link here if the picture is too small.)

Thank God this ass clown didn't feature in the song. I'm glad SM didn't force BoA to waste her time featuring little faggots who can't rap.

There's many more comments like that in the music video. I just wanted to enjoy a song from BoA, but EXO-Ls didn't want any of that shit.

BESTie's "Excuse Me" showcase messed me up real good

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How is NEWstie?

After having watched BESTie's "Excuse Me" performance 11 times in a row, I can say with absolute certainty, "Amazing."

I can also no longer process visual or auditory stimuli. Oh well.




BESTie's had a few good moves in their career, but I've never thought of them as a particularly strong dancing group. But if every live stage of "Excuse Me" is this good, then damn, son.


My body is ready.

Please step on me, BESTie.


I love almost every part of this performance.


Like this

And this

This showcase has also made me lose any remaining sense I had. I now consider bikini tops over shirts with high-waisted shorts an acceptable outfit — for the theater of kpop and the theater of life.

To view fun moves in questionable attire, check out the video below.




More performances from the showcase are available here.

Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 9: Cupid, In & Choo, Xin Seha

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Yes it's back!  Welcome to the return of:

nugualert91

Read on for another hearty serving of nugus placed under the Kpopalypse microscope, for your education and amusement!


Something I've known ever since I started doing the Nugu Alert series is that it's the most unpopular of all the different types of blog posts that I do.  The most recent survey reflected this with many people being annoyed at having to choose their favourite Nugu Alert series and not having an "other/none" option, plus several readers helpfully clarified that they just didn't give a shit about these posts at all.  Of course, the fact that so many readers don't care about these performers is the whole point, therefore this feedback means that I'm on the right path.  As a thank-you to Nugu Alert readers, the following videos are all reader submissions!

The usual Nugu Alert rules apply, these are:

nugualert92

This episode of Nugu Alert is themed around outstanding budget cinematography.  The following videos all contain notable examples of music video directors going the extra mile on a shoestring budget to bring you something visually memorable.  Be sure to support them!



Cupid - I Feel Good





Since the objective of this series is to highlight videos you haven't seen before, I don't usually bother with featuring videos that have already been featured elsewhere on other blogsites.  Cupid's "I Feel Good" has already made sufficient impact to acquire its own article on Asian Junkie so because of that I wasn't going to write about it at all, yet I got so many requests to cover this song anyway that I thought I'd slot it in here just to keep Nugu Alert fans happy.  Due to the existing Asian Junkie coverage the video collects few nugu points, yet still gets over the line for inclusion here due to a few key points:

cupid1

1.  Pseudo maid uniforms are always a positive point which enhances sex appeal of k-pop girls and is therefore relevant to Kpopalypse fap.

cupid2

2.  No attempt was made to hide the fact that this MV was partly shot in a strip club, stripper poles unused yet conspicuously intact.  Removing stripper poles from a strip club dancefloor is an easy job, you just undo a few bolts at each end, using a ladder and an electric drill with the right fittings it takes about three minutes (don't ask me how I know this).  The fact that they didn't even bother to perform such a simple task for the sake of the girls' image shows that they don't care who knows that these girls are a bunch of stripping whores.  This is a positive thing - Kpopalypse approves of stripping whores, as both a noun and a verb.

cupid3

3.  Look, their faces are blacked out!  According to the legions of dummies on the Internet these days, all incidences of faces being blacked out are always racism regardless of context, therefore so must this be.  Meets required standards of oppression of women and minorities.

cupid4

4.  The CGI backdrop of the group logo isn't in Comic Sans font, but it's close enough to Comic Sans to make people think that it it's Comic Sans and piss people off anyway.

On top of all that, the song is actually alright.  I hasten to add not Song Of The Year material, but I'd rather listen to this chirpy electronic pop than the 693rd iteration of the same half a dozen western pop songs that k-pop keeps templating, or whatever shit ballad is being mercilessly shoved down our throats as the greatest thing to come out of Korea this week.

YouTube views at time of writing: 12372

Notable attribute: CGI lens flare added at 0:22 because the cinematographer couldn't figure out how to get the lenses to actually flare

Nugu Alert rating: low



In & Choo - Suite Room





Here's a question: how do you come up with a video like EXO's "Growl" on a budget?  "Growl" was shot in one seamless long take of perfectly choreographed precision... or maybe it's wasn't, with the directors stitching separate scenes together using the "spinning" sections where the camera focuses on nobody to swap between takes... but the point is that the end result looks seamless, as one would probably expect from a high-budget SM production.  However when the budget is more like $30000 than $300000, you've got to cheat a lot more.  Long takes have a lot of rehearsal time involved in making everything flow smoothly, and if there's one obvious fuckup everybody has to start again, which takes more time with a longer take, which means more money.  Sure, k-pop performers rehearse their ass off all the time and hardly get paid anyway, so the expense and extra time required for getting them up to speed is minimal - I'm talking more about the rehearsing that the film crew does for actually shooting, all the behind the scenes people also have to rehearse their movements, and unlike k-pop performers who you can always wave the carrot of "you'll get rich one day" in front of, technical behind the scenes people with qualifications and mastery of equipment actually insist on being paid there and then, or at least within the next week or two.  It's all too much of a fucking time and money sink for a nugu.

Enter In & Choo's "Suite Room" which tries to give you the same seamless feel of EXO's "Growl" but without the accompanying budget.  Scenes are transitioned with panes of darkness (0:20), aimless shots to the roof (0.39), fast movement (0.29) and hands over the camera (1.08), the expensive steadicam of "Growl" is swapped out for a cheaper (and wobblier) handicam, and the expensively-rigged carpark is substituted for the agency's mini-gymnasium and some spotlights.  It all doesn't work too badly apart from the colour-matching fuck-ups which ruin a couple transitions, pity their song is only marginally better than "Growl".

YouTube views at time of writing: 9631

Notable attribute: a girl has clothing with the word "swag" on it, signalling the imminent downfall of humanity

Nugu Alert rating: high



Xin Seha - Matdaheum





You want a cool looking artsy k-pop MV for your smooth, sensual sounding 80s-style electro song, but you don't have the kind of cash that's sitting in SM or YG's vault earmarked as "must spend on square bits of paneling with diodes and mirrored surfaces", so what do you do?  The easiest solution is often location scouting, because there's lots of outdoor locations out there that can be used for free and look great with a little imagination.  The problem is finding them - I've been on modeling shoots where I've accompanied photographers looking for that perfect location to shoot a model and half the time a photographer will drive halfway across town to "that perfect spot" only to find out that they can't use it because the light's all wrong, or they can only get permission to use the location from certain sub-optimal areas, or someone's parked a truck right next to it, or any other of dozens of potential things that can fuck up the scene.  It's such a pain in the ass to roll the dice with outdoor locations and you can waste days on it if things go bad.  Indoor locations have their own problems too, there's less chance of environmental factors ruining everything but there's also less chance of you being able to access them, because people are a lot more precious about letting some camera team use their indoor spaces, and also it's harder to find good spaces just by virtue of them being indoors and thus hidden from plain sight (which is why the same ones tend to get used all the time).

Whoever did the scouting - both indoor and outdoor - for Xin Seha's video shoot however consistently hits budget MV location gold.  Check out these rad locations:

xin01

1.  Here's Xin Seha looking badass in front of a stairwell with graffiti.  Fuck yeah, you can't fuck with this dude.  He'd kick you down the stairs but you're already at the bottom, chump.

xin02

2.  Here's Xin Seha looking badass in front of some sewer pipes.  These sewer pipes are so pipe-like that they could have come straight out of a computer game with sewer pipes in it (which is all of them).  However these pipes are real, just like Xin Seha's withering stare.

xin03

3.  Here's Xin Seha looking badass in front of a metal fence, with some buildings behind it.  Xin Seha doesn't even care if the incidental people in the background turn around and look at him posing like he's about to take a crap, because he'll fuck them up if they say any shit.  Also note Kpopalypse-endorsed bucket hat.

xin04

4.  Here's Xin Seha looking badass in front of some sewer pipes again - but with a twist, this time he's on the pipes!  This pose is implying that he's waiting for some hapless prey to wander down below that he's about to leap down on and knock out and grab their spare ammunition and Praxis kits.  Badass.

xin05

5. Here's Xin Seha looking badass on a roof with some tube things with lights coming out of them.  How did he get up to the roof level?  Probably through the sewer pipes, because he's such a badass who isn't afraid of sewer pipes, or a roof, or tube things with lights.  There's also some fog here so you can see the lights better.

xin06

6. Here's Xin Seha looking badass with a wooden frame.  You wanted to convert your rear verandah into an extra bedroom but you didn't count on Xin Seha turning up and rapping at you in his smooth voice while staring at you with his piercing gaze.  What are you gonna do now, punk?

xin07

7.  Here's Xin Seha looking badass in front of a metal fence, wait... no, this time he's behind the metal fence, and there's a door there!  It's like he's in prison, or something!  Our location scout has mixed it up a little, keeping things fresh, yet thematically consistent.  Look at him stare menancingly through the fencing.  Just be glad that fence is there to protect you.

And on and on it goes.  These are only from the first minute of the video, it only gets better from here.  I dare not spoiler any more of them here, just watch the video for yourself and prepare to be blown away.

YouTube views at time of writing: 11036

Notable attribute: Ladies Code's manager spotted doing an illegal U-turn at 2:55

Nugu Alert rating: extreme



FINAL SCORES

nugu999

This concludes another episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert!  Feel free to enjoy/be annoyed by/disregard these nugus as you so choose, and Kpopalypse will return with more nugus in a future episode!

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 77

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This week's photo comes from zephyr:


But wait! There's more...







 
Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

The person texting these random people practically used his/her entire phone's battery to pull this shit. This took real dedication. Probably was too busy fapping inbetween sending photos saved onto his/her phone.

I was not entirely sure what to write about for this post regarding these screen shots. I guess I am just going to share this because we cannot unsee this. So. Yeah. This is a thing... that people do.

But that one guy though who wanted more...


If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please e-mail them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to @akf_shinbi, ask them at ask.fm/akfshinbi, send them to ionlylearnedthebadthings (tumblr), or leave them in the comment section below. Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you. Thank you, FISHies!

The G-Dragon Delusion

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And so the bomb went off, and the coming of The Five Horsemen of the K-Popalypse has been prophesied. BIGBANG will come back with something like 45 MVs, IKON stans will have to wait for another couple centuries for YG to get his shit together, and Korea's GDP will climb by several billion won. Though BIGBANG are nominally an egalitarian enterprise, their esteemed leader G-Dragon will no doubt be in the centre of the public eye with they bestow their musical gifts upon us. G-Dragon's apostles would follow him to the ends of the earth without thinking to question whether or not this is rational: being hopelessly devoted to anyone besides the one true God that is JYP is nothing short of ridiculous. What's more, I would question not only Mr. Dragon's deity status, but his very existence. Inspired by the be-suited ballbag himself; Richard Dawkins, and his book 'The God Delusion' (which I have not read but will speak as if I have done so), I will debunk the myth of Kwon Jiyong's existence, thus making you all see the light so that you may become truly intellectual.





First things first, G-Dragon's physical appearance is impossible to gauge and he seems to move fluidly between classy man about town,


anime character,




and hipster dentist.


I dispute that there is existing evidence that he is a tangible being in our world. At the very least, he is portrayed by multiple Dragon-ite zealots who have created a physical representation of what they believe in due to initial lack of supporting evidence for their silly theories. They use the trite label of 'fashionista' to justify the apparently constantly changing form of G-Dragon but the only thing fashionable about being made up of multiple people is it allows for a much larger clothing budget to trick yourself out with the most $wag threads in existence.

What's more, G-Dragon extremists (the lesser G-had if you wish) will be quick to denounce claims that Kwon Jiyong is not a positive figure whose actions should be emulated. After seeing the video (below) of cultist Haru being awestruck by the presence of "G-Dragon", I managed to get an interview with her to get to the bottom of this obsession that so many people have.

 

Sohyunna: Haru, thank you for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to me.

Haru: It happened because the good lord G-Dragon willed it so.

Sohyunna: Right... Could you explain to me the roots of your belief in Kwon Jiyong?

Haru: HOW DARE YOU SPEAK HIS NAME. As a non-believer you are not one of the anointed ones. Kwon Jiyong has created us, redeemed us, and blessed us with the spirit of swag.

Sohyunna: I apologise for my insensitivity, so can we move on with the interview? When you become a parent will you preach the word of Jiyong to your children?

Haru: I intend to found the first faith school where we shall sing Crayon every morning before register and anyone who doesn't change their haircut everyday gets immediately expelled.

Sohyunna: Do you not think that your zealotry could be harmful to the development of your child?

At this point Haru refused to answer anymore of my questions, instead just dancing to 'One of a Kind' on a loop. Though I thought this was very unprofessional of Haru, I did join in for a bit so some of the fault must lie with me. I still feel that this interview adequately illustrates how delusional many of the extreme fans of G-Dragon are; willing to denounce all scientific knowledge they have accrued over the years in the name of a small Korean man.

Recently, the evangelical Dragonists have been mobilised as their lord and saviour has donned yet another new look and has brought his four apostles along with him looking equally ridiculous. The MADE teaser has acted as a Book of Mormon for this terrifying church, but it is even worse than that because rather than disputing the current canon; it simply adds more. That is what gives these extremists their strength: they are united, and they will not back down. Soon enough there will be a picture of G-Dragon in every classroom, T.O.P will be a martyr, and people will find Seungri's face on a toasted cheese sandwich. The mere thought that G-Dragon is a deity, or even real is inconceivable, and we should all worship Park Jin Young instead. Failing that, worship the booty, that's what he does.


It's a miracle: Hyunseung looks good in his latest MV

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Hyunseung mostly doesn't look like a freak in the video for his solo debut, "Ma First."




Mostly.


It's difficult being a Hyunseung fan.* First off, he didn't get to be in Big Bang, so we'll always be plagued with the question "What if?"


You could've been a "Loser" too, Hyunseung.


... Oh, but I guess you already are. Nm.

Then when he's with his fellow Beast members, he hardly gets any screen time, unless he's doing some unattractive Michael Jackson ripoff dance.

And how can we forget the time he got a massive boner during that Troublemaker stage?


Hope Mom wasn't watching this perf.


Top all that with the fact that he's styled like an escaped mental patient most of the time, and it's easy to see why he's not topping many people's bias lists.


The struggle is real.


There was relief for Hyunseung fans this week, though, as the video for his latest song, "Ma First," was released — and the boy looked hot. Really hot.




Like, I'd-totally-let-him-write-on-my-chest hot.




It truly was a kpop miracle. Now, fellow Hyunseung fans, the next time someone gives you shit for liking such a mis-styled freak, you can say, "There was that one time he looked super hot." Because there was that one time.





* I'm assuming I'm not still the only one, though I could be wrong about this.

[MV Non-Review] BigBang - Loser + Bae Bae

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After almost three years of hiatus BigBang have finally returned with two songs, planning to release more feature tracks from their new album over a course of months.



This comeback is genius, but not for the reasons that VIPs are fangasming over it.

Let’s be real, the Loser MV is just the same oldrehashed concept that BigBang did before their hiatus, just with the latest in swag-infused bad-but-not-too-evil-looking gangster-lite fashion. The MV for Bae Bae, while slightly more interesting, was probably just a result of somebody smoking suspicious looking cigarettes from a stranger, not some masterpiece that it’s being made out to be. Sane people can see that these shitty songs are a pile of shit that no one would give two shits about if they were done by some shitty nugus. So what, then, makes this comeback so genius?

It is these songs’ very shittiness that makes them so brilliant. Here is one of the biggest kpop groups coming out with some of the worst music this year, and they are getting showered with praise aplenty. So how did they manage to achieve this success?


1. A long hiatus
Three years of waiting... for another fucking MV of them walking through the streets again?!

This comeback has been delayed again and again and again and again for about two years, which is about a millenium in kpop terms. All that talk about delaying the comeback to ensure the quality of the final products sounds like bullshit when you look at it. It was probably just deliberate to make fans hungrier for more BigBang.

But in all that time if they’d stayed quiet they might have lost fans. Instead they decided to do solos to keep enough interest going and to serve as a reminder of BigBang’s existence, keeping fans anticipating more from the whole group together. It’s also well documented that some of these truly awful solos were used to gauge just how low they could go and still get their fangirls to hand over their cunt-soaked wads of money for utter trash. Seeing their commercial success despite said low quality, they decided there was no point whatsoever in even trying to bring out good songs.

And talking of solos, they helped with…


2. Recognition of individual members
Someone said Seungri's represents the calm after sex here but nah, it's definitely drugs.

If you’re not into boy groups in general, how many generic boy group members from other popular groups can you name AND put faces to? Probably a lot less accuracy than with BigBang. Even for casual kpop fans BigBang members are maybe some of the first names they hear. In their marketing, the emphasis is bigger on them as individuals rather than as a group. This is important because it makes kpop fans feel more connected to BigBang members (not in a creepy way you weirdos, their love for oppa is innocent and pure) before they even become VIPs. Just imagine how much more attached they do become when they officially become a fan.

Look at the line distribution for Bae Bae. Fairly even, and each member gets one long part (approx. 25 seconds each) except for the end where they all sing together and get so high they fly off into outer space. By and large, the majority of both songs and MVs is one member getting the spotlight for long parts at a time. Even the live performances follow this formula of one-member-at-a-time. All this helps solidify their image as distinct individuals rather than one big bland group.


3. Years of built up propaganda
Wtf did this even have to do with anything?

It’s no secret to those anyone who’s not been affected by Papa YG’s brainwashing marketing tactics that YG artists (yes, ‘artists’ not idols) are hyped up by the label to be so very much bester than all your faves. Not really much else to talk about here because it’s pretty common knowledge for normal kpop fans. Their fans’ delusion about how great they are clearly helped this comeback hit big.


So yeah, shitty songs were to be expected, especially given a lot of YG’s more recent outputs and Teddy’s honeymoon period, but still a disappointment musically. Nevertheless genius from a business perspective.

Looking For New Staff

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It's summer time, which is a traditional hiring period for new AKF authors.
We will have the same requirements as last time.


However, those requirements are just for authors. If you think you have a skill set that could compliment AKF but that skill isn't writing, send us an email and we'll try to work something out.

If you hadn't noticed yet, we have lost some authors: sulli_fag, The Duchess, WTFisastarship, and Krakenoid. I am not going to bother keeping anyone who goes six-plus months without posting on a regular basis. This is something that I want to make clear to anyone who wants to join the team as an author: don't join just to stop posting after a month. Not only are you wasting your time, but you are wasting our time and taking away a spot away from someone who actually wants to write. We typically only hire 2-3 authors at a time, so spots are limited. Don't be a dick if you honestly have no intention on sticking around.

Writing for AKF isn't a huge time sink, though people try to pretend like it is. The short articles take roughly 15 to 20 minutes to post, while the longer and more intricate posts take several hours at the most. If you can't honestly spare 2-4 hours a month to write, don't bother.

The only reason I say this is because in the fall, I am resigning as Head Administrator and will just be a normal author once AKF returns. In his absence, we have proven that the site can live without him posting a lot, but once he returns, he won't be able to post that frequently. That is why I'm looking for a team of authors who will help pick up the slack instead of hiring people who say "Hey, I'm part of the AKF team yet I never do anything!"

For this round of hiring, Fany Pack, Soyeon Friend and myself will be selecting who will be the authors. Anyone who gets hired has to send their articles to akisame for review, but while she's on hiatus for the next month, Fany and/or myself will fill her role.

Send any applications and inquiries to hanyeseul_fag@yahoo.com

The April Honours List

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Another month has passed and most of the releases in April were distinctly mediocre which makes the top and bottom 3 rather difficult but we shall have a go.




Best Song

Runners up

Zero For Conduct (Block B - BASTARZ)

This is an example that is really rather decent but could have been made so much better with one slight change: making the horns sound like actual horns and not a fucking unedited MIDI. Of course, the thing that truly makes this song is that P.O sounds like he gargles with gravel every day which gives some heft to his parts which are undoubtedly the best parts of this track. Now that Zico isn't here to splay himself across a Block B track, everyone can appreciate P.O's superiority (even if Zico does think he is a faggot bitch). U-Kwon and B Bomb's bits aren't terrible but they lack the uniqueness that adds to the quality of P.O; perhaps Block B could have been improved even further by paring down to be a sub-unit of P.O and P.O only. Also shouts out to U-Kwon for showing us what life is like in his cellophane sex dungeon whilst B Bomb and P.O just fuck about with the costume closet, U-Kwon knows what the audience truly want: stimulation of fetishes. Long story short, P.O makes the song and the horns sound shit, please make more songs based off 30s French cinema, it will endear you to the wine drinking crowd.

Out (Mr.Mr.)

I didn't give a fuck about Mr.Mr. before this video, I still don't, but that didn't stop them from releasing a surprisingly enjoyable song with a crowded-ass beat and elements of soul music within it. Before this song, the group were just confusing controversy after confusing controversy and most of their previous music had been utter shite as they fit into the category of 'boy groups who take themselves way too seriously'. Maybe after releasing some super hot fire diss tracks and confusing the concepts of sex and gender, they felt that they could finally let their hair down and enjoy themselves. Maybe they were rejoicing at the fact that Tey's solo song was too shit to justify breaking up the group. 'Out' has suitably crisp production and the group sound like they can actually sing without being masked by filters of vocal editing (their agency is far too cheap for that), they seem to have thrown everything but the kitchen sink into the beat; perhaps it is a last ditch effort for their agency to get them popular before the bank start repossessing their members. Even if it doesn't work and, to the despair of their 5 fans, Mr.Mr. break up, at least this genuinely decent song will be their lasting legacy.

Winner

Awoo (Lim Kim)

I have no fucking clue who Lim Kim except for the fact that she won some music show as a duo called Togeworl (cool name guys). My first exposure to her was this Pitchfork-core gem which I listened to for lack of anything better to do on a misty Tuesday night. What Lim Kim has done is release a K-Pop song with a distinct sound to other K-Pop songs, somewhere in the vein of what indie pop darlings such as MIA would release. The stuttered piano thing combines with her fucked up smoker's voice to create a song that you wouldn't be ashamed to show to the visitors you may have to your T-ARA themed basement. You can convince them that you are actually in it for the music and not for the masturbation (though that would be a complete lie, you are simply lucky that Lim Kim released a song this good). The production paces itself well though it remains relatively sparse throughout; perhaps taking cues from the symphony that is It G Ma. At the end of the day, I really fucking like cats and I really fucking like this song, though it is likely that many of you will disagree with me and ask me to post a picture of some tits in repentance. Keep dreaming, we keep it classy and credible here, just like Lim Kim.

Worst song

Runners-up


Catch Me If You Can (SNSD)

I will still wave the flag for SNSD regardless of how many miserable cacophonies they are responsible for. The qualities of Oh! and Gee far outweigh the failings of I Got A Boy and their most recent obnoxious offering to the world. Of course, I shouldn't be surprised that they don't do bubblegum pop for the entirety of their career but it still pains me greatly if they are going to create songs this downright unenjoyable. It doesn't sound like it was fun to make and it definitely isn't fun to listen to, which leaves me rather confused as to what this is for. Of course, despite SM leaving te cage open and allowing people to escape left right and centre, a couple songs from their big hitters will have them rolling in the benjamins again, I merely ask that they don't me so goddamned cynical about it, that way they could release a song that is actually worth a damn. Okay, Call Me Baby was hardly awful, but I still can't help but shake the feeling that SM have given up and are allowing composition to be put on autopilot to create derivative EDM jams.

God (Jimin N J Don)

I am surprised that this is not the worst song of the month and that I can't bring myself to hate it more than I do. I talked in the above post about not trying but the beat to this sounded like they took sample_trap_beat.mp3 from FLStudio and got Jimin to scream over it. I am sure that FNC have been emboldened by Jimin's appearance on Unpretty Rapstar and, admittedly, she did improve throughout the show; that doesn't mean that I will accept her high pitched wails as the second coming. J Don is a perfetly competent rapper I guess but he hardly makes this song into the banger that it aspires to be. What stops this from being the worst song of the month is that in its horrific simplicity and shiteness (amazing new word), I find it fascinatingly listenable as I feel my IQ slowly drift away from me. A handy bonus is that this video is a fantastic offering to the discerning fapper; J Don and Jimin both get my dick hard which is something that cannot be said for anyone in the group who released the worst offering of the month.

Winner



EOEO (UNIQ)

I have spent most of my time since this song dropped trying to locate a redeeming feature. The sax hook starts out as an alright sounding thing but you will much rather go back to the dulcet tones of Jimin's voice after you hear it 10934021930 times during this song. UNIQ are not the worst rappers in the K-Pop sphere but I would still happy run them all over for a night of impassioned love with J Don. Scratch that, I would run them all over with no provocation whatsoever because they all look like the stereotypical Year 8 wastemen who fancy themselves as the future of hip-hop. The chorus is one of the worst things in all of musical history as they imitate the sounds of the ambulance that they will no doubt need after I have run them all over. In the writing of this segment I have had to listen to it a couple more times which has been akin to the seventh circle of hell, my love for you readers clearly knows no bounds. Without a doubt the worst song of the year so far; I am terrified that people enjoy this.


Most bizarre analogy


God (Jimin N J Don)

"The new John Lennon and Napoleon"

Here, Jimin proves that just because you can make baseless comparisons, it doesn't mean that you should. First things first, I don't really know if you would want to compare yourself to these people: John Lennon was a member of a fairly decent rock band, was a below average lyricist, was a filthy hippie, and beat his wife. Napoleon was a short man, a fairly decent military leader, and a constant source of ridicule from the most obnoxious sectors of the British public. Why you wish to compare yourself to a dead French guy in a rap song is beyond me, maybe you are trying to calim that you are all conquering, but if that were the case then someone like Julius Caesar or Genghis Khan would have surely been a better choice; though still a baffling one. As for John Lennon, I assume that you are trying to make some claims at how he reinvented music or was a fantastic lyricist (which he most certainly wasn't) despite the fact that neither Jimin nor J Don have any raps worth bragging about; if you wanted a more apt comparison to someone who reinvented music then choose someone like Miles Davis, and if you were going for the lyricist angle, there are many better choices but I will jsut give Nick Cave as an example. The final problem is wondering who is John Lennon and who is Napoleon in this duo but I hardly think that is relevant at this point. 

Most perfect gauging and understanding of our modern lexicon


Watch Out (HOTSHOT)

Another candidate for one of the worst songs of the month, the nation's newest try-hards may just have saved themselves with the usage of the word fleek rather early on in the song, as in "my eyebrows are on fleek". I am in a state of euphoria that this was used over the truly bumpin' beat that is used as background music in this song. It saves what is otherwise an awful song from the pits of hell, good job HOTSHOT.

Best anthem to butts

Joker (Dal Shabet)

I am sure that you expected a song by the messiah himself but by my amazing logic, that song is so much about butts that it comes full circle and is in fact not about butts at all. Joker, on the other hand, is about using one's butt as a method to have mad sex on the regular (probably, I was too busy to read the lyrics whilst watching the video). I could talk about why this song is middling but Dal Shabet are hot or I could just post a fancam of Serri, the choice was obvious.


Arbitrary award for a song that I should probably talk about

Bae Bae (BIGBANG)

I was tempted to treat this as a May release because I did like both of the BIGBANG releases but couldn't really find space for them, I then realised that I had to be true to myself and my heart so created an utterly pointless category. Bae Bae has a fun video where the group look like they are having fun, G-Dragon grabs tits, Taeyang is a porn cowboy, TOP cumshots all over a random girl, Daesung gets laid, adn Seungri stands in post-coital bliss. It's pretty wild, it's pretty good, just not good enough to scrape the top 3. As for Loser, it is also kinda decent I guess. 

Most unjust level of dislike


ㅈㄱㅈㄱ (pppb)

Look at all them dislikes. The public were not ready for this really fun little song from the mysteriously (and stupidly) named pppb. They have a promise that they are gonna make us dance and that is just what they do (maybe, idk) but what truly makes this song is the random dissonant guitar in the verse. I can't particularly understand the high levels of hatred for this song so please give it a like so that it gets radio play or gets used in an advert for bread or something. Have a nice day.


That about does it for this month. Drive safe.



Kpopalypse explains good vs bad production in k-pop

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Hi everyone, it's that time again - time for one of those technical posts that you all love.  Recently people have been asking me variations of the following question:

prod1

Yes I am!  If you've ever wondered what constitutes a decent production, Kpopalypse is here to help!  Read on for all the trufax about good production vs bad production!

taeprod

Let's start off by defining a few concepts - what is sound production anyway?  In the most general sense, sound production is the conceptual process of getting the "sound idea" from the brain of the composer onto some kind of recorded format.  The musical process is "performance" and the physical process is "audio engineering" - but production is the realm of conceptually translating sound ideas.  Of course a producer may be an audio engineer as well - in k-pop this is common.  They may also in some cases be the songwriter and/or the performer, as k-pop tends to use the words "producer" and "songwriter" interchangeably, but I'm talking about a producer in the strict sense for the purposes of this post.  If this paragraph makes no fucking sense at all I wrote another explanation here which may help.  My posts on vocal and instrumental production may also help if you're confused by any technical terms here.

So how do we know if the sound production of the producer is good or bad?  The answer is through how successfully the idea from the composer is conveyed from the original concept onto the recording.  For example, if the original sound idea is someone taking a shit for five minutes, then if the producer was able to bring the right ideas to the table to turn that concept into the smelliest, most visceral piece of recorded shit possible, then this is good production.  If on the other hand the shit didn't seem that shitty, then the producer didn't do as good a job.  This is of course assuming that the original goal is the sound of shit.

Of course, k-pop doesn't aim for shit, what they're aiming for instead is what any pop producer aims for - a final product which has the following characteristics:
  • All the important defining elements of the song elements can be clearly heard at all times, especially any vocal as in pop music the vocal carries the all-important melody plus the sound of the singer's voice that fangirls will jizz over
  • The beat, where it exists, will also be clearly audible, because making people want to dance is important - dancing makes people happy and happy people earn more money to spend on products endorsed by k-pop idols
  • Will kick ass on a big speaker system AND will also still sound reasonably clear on a tiny phone or radio speaker
  • Will sound just as loud and clear as someone else's song if they are played back-to-back on the radio
Finding examples of k-pop songs which meet these requirements is dead easy, and that's the problem with doing this kind of post about k-pop - I need to give you some examples of the bad stuff, and k-pop production quality is almost universally excellent.  Just about any k-pop video that you can pull up randomly for your favourite groups these days is going to sound great from a pure production perspective.  Sure, you might not like the sounds in the final song, or the song itself, but that's a different issue to whether the producer did a good job.  It's not just the big three that nail it either, even nugu groups these days usually have great production and you really have to look very hard, or go back through k-pop history fairly deep to really find anything that sucks so you can contrast it to the good stuff to give a picture of good vs bad production... but Kpopalypse will do his best!


H.O.T's "Outside Castle" is typical of the absolute rubbish that SM pumped out and fangirls sheepishly lapped up about 15 years ago and demonstrates one of the most challenging aspects of producing a pop song correctly (if you don't know what the fuck you're doing, that is) - volume normalisation.   Anyone bred on a diet of today's k-pop will instantly notice that when the first singer's voice goes into the lower register at 2:02 he becomes briefly really hard to hear, and when the rapping starts, that's also really hard to hear at certain points.  Yes, they're rapping in a whisper, but that's no excuse, because there's tools in an audio engineer's arsenal that can bring out the sound of a whisper so you can actually still hear the words properly.  Think about how clear JYP's signature "JYP" whisper always sounds, that's because the whisper's volume levels have been compressed, something which H.O.T's vocals have not been (or at least not enough).  H.O.T also haven't been pitch-corrected - at 1:55 the singer is actually hitting the note flat - this would never be allowed on a k-pop recording in 2015, it would be "fixed in the mix".  On top of this, the mix overall just sounds dull... I'm not talking about it being a dull song, but there's a real lack of brightness across everything and I'm not just talking about the crappy video transfer, the actual original audio is this way too.  Play this song and something from even a nugu modern boy group these days back-to-back at the same volume and notice the difference in clarity.  Modern pop mixes are heavily equalised, post-processed and mastered meaning that frequencies which allow the songs to cut through on radio broadcast or perform better on smaller speakers are enhanced.  There's definitely not much of this happening on H.O.T's recording, and while the final result was probably an acceptable production standard for k-pop in 2000 when the standards for a finished pop recording were lower, an in-house SM producer would be sacked for creating something with this level of audio quality today.


M.O.A's "Run For Your Dream" is on the other hand a song that I really like, but the production of it is still pretty poor, and it's a testament to how good this song is that a botched production job can't fuck it up.  So what's wrong with the production?  If you listen closely to the acoustic guitars, the strumming is actually not quite in time with everything else, it's especially noticeable in the second half of the song where the beat speeds up.  Also once again the vocals aren't normalised correctly, the best example in this song being that the word "run" is always a little bit lost in the mix every time the chorus is sung, and losing the first note of the hook in a chorus line is a big deal.  The raps are pretty lumpy in volume levels too, to the point where when the chorus kicks in it actually sounds a bit quieter than the peaks of the rap verses - not what you want in a song like this.  These factors all combine to generate that uncanny valley feeling that "something is wrong here", and of course self-appointed k-pop music industry experts with their incredibly asinine "vocal talent" obsession but no real knowledge go straight for the explanation "oh they can't sing":

moacrit

This is wrong.  Actually the vocalists are perfectly on-key.  It's the volume levels that are the problem, but people are not accustomed to hearing incorrect volume level compression in k-pop, so when they do hear a producer fuck this up, they immediately assume something is wrong with the singer, however it's not the case here.  The vocalists were ready to debut - the producer wasn't.



To get a feel for how better production can make a difference, try listening to the first few seconds of these recordings of S.E.S and Red Velvet performing "Be Natural", back to back (make sure you crank the volume of the S.E.S version so they're equal as Red Velvet's version has a much better transfer to YouTube).  Both versions use exactly the same backing track so the differences are subtle, but in Red Velvet's version vocal volume is more consistent and it's a little easier to hear the details in the mix.  The S.E.S version isn't that bad but the Red Velvet version is better in terms of how pop production quality is assessed.

Yes I'm aware that there's a video which places one version of "Be Natural" in one speaker and the other version in the other, but using this isn't practical for comparing production values, as it's impossible to fairly judge production quality of a stereo recording from just listening to one speaker of it.  The manipulation of the stereo field to create room in the mix for each element comprises part of what creates a clearer sound on a complex multi-track pop music recording.  So what is "room in the mix"?  To answer this, it helps to imagine sound as a physical space.  I've used these diagrams before when talking about the deluded bullshit circus that is assessing MR Removed videos, but here they are again:

wfyeah1

I'm too lazy to redraw everything, so time to shamelessly plagiarise my own article from two years ago.  In the above picture, the horizontal axis represents stereo, and the vertical axis represents pitch.  Divide it up and we get this.

wfyeah3

And here's a typical result of elements that you might hear in a pop mix:

wfyeah4

This is an oversimplification of course, but it introduces the general concept of everything needing its own space (and now you know why I couldn't use those mono recordings - remove the stereo aspect and we have three "boxes" to work with instead of nine).  If you have two things sitting in one general area, they will compete, and if one element is louder or present more often than something else, but occupies the same space, it will mask the other element.  This phenomenon is called "audio masking" and it's why snipers sometimes time their shots to happen at the same time as other loud noises.

In the H.O.T song, the sung vocals come out quite clearly and cut through when they're high, but the lower vocals and whispered raps compete heavily with the keyboard/orchestral noises that are happening at around the same time and frequency, so the vocals get "swallowed up" to some degree.  This could have been fixed by:
  • Adding more high-end frequencies to the vocal so it can cut above the strings
  • Removing the frequencies in the strings part that directly compete with the vocal
  • Panning the strings out so they sit more in the L and R boxes while leaving the vocals central
  • Compressing the vocal so the volume is more consistent and quieter words don't get buried
  • Hiring the aforementioned sniper to remove the problematic producer
mblaqgun1

The above deals with the issue of basic pop music production standards, and this is a very objective standard, because without certain audio treatments, songs will sound too quiet or too "muddy" or simply amateurish when played next to other songs.  In a highly competitive field it's important to create something that can stand up favourably next to everything else around it with equal clarity and professionalism.

mblaqgun2

Of course, k-pop fans are notorious for not bothering with (or even knowing about) objective standards, so they don't tend to use the word "production" in this objective sense.  For a k-pop fan, comments about "production" are usually more about "creative production choices" than "production craft", so when a k-pop fan (including me, at times) says "I like a song because of the production" what they're usually actually saying is "I like the way the backing track sounds".  Here's some examples.


I single this song out occasionally for oh-my-god-why-did-they-make-it-sound-like-that slings and arrows a bit but there's nothing wrong with T-ara's "Yayaya" just from a technical production point of view.  The issue that I have with it is that I don't feel that E-Tribe's wall-of-noise style on this track really suits pop music, generally speaking.  The fact that the song fulfills modern pop production requirements is an objective truth, but the fact that I think it sounds like rubbing a cheese grater across my ears is a subjective point of view.


I'm also not a big fan of the marching drum beats in the verses of Oh My Girl's "Cupid".  Marching drums can actually sound great in other k-pop songs but their implementation here doesn't work for me at all.  However they're not inserted badly or anything like that, production-wise this is fine, I just don't think this type of instrumentation suits the material, therefore "I don't like the production" rather than "this is produced badly".


This type of yoloshit production style is everything that's wrong with popular music right now.  Because of this, there's a possibility that CL's American debut will actually do reasonably well, I think that given the right marketing she'll fit right in with ratchet-lite like V-Nasty, Riff Raff, Lil' Debbie, etc no problem.  "The Baddest Female" isn't badly made, either - YG's production here is as usual excellent.  Sure, they forgot to actually write a song, but in the yoloshit genre I guess songwriting is considered like sour cream on your baked potato, an optional extra that not everyone wants.

I hope that's enough examples for you to get the idea, because I really couldn't be fucked listing any more shitty songs that suck but happen to also be produced okay, I could be here all day doing that as it would account for about 90% of all k-pop made since about 2008.  Anyway hopefully this post has been sufficiently confusing, annoying and contradictory to prevent and completely discourage any sort of productionfagging from obsessive-compulsive fangirl crazies who want to prove "my bias is best", and hopefully also educational and interesting enough so the rest of you didn't fall asleep reading!  Yay!

taeyeonsleep

Iljins' Delivery of Gifts Approved by the Fapgods (IDGAF) #3

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You thought this series was dead, didn’t you? Well nope, you’re wrong. It’s just difficult to find fapworthy material that’s unkown enough to be worth posting, both for me and submitters. Talking of which, if you do happen to know of anything that fits the above criteria, send it to me via my details which you’ll find if you scroll all the way down to the bottom of this post.


This issue of IDGAF introduces you to the most cutting-edge faptech in the fancamming field: a standard fancam PLUS a super close-up camera rolled into one. How innovative! Now we can fap to our genitals’ hearts’ content while getting that perfect ass shot and seeing everything else at the same time. This YouTube channel (Mr.V) couldn’t possibly get better for fappers, right? ...Not exactly. This particular gift is only barely approved by the fapgods.

I noticed that the quality of the close-up cam was often pretty bad and that it looked like it was just a blown-up version of the standard fancam. Ideally you’d want an optical zoom for the close-up cam so as not to compromise the video quality, but this was not the case here. This made me wonder if this person took videos from elsewhere for their videos. Upon further research and praying to the fapgods, it turned out to be the case that these close-up cams were ripped off from other fancammers with no credit given to the original source.

The fapgods were not amused. Of course, they do encourage more creative and convenient ways of allowing people to fap. But they’re also great believers in the helping and sharing with other fappers, which includes giving credit where it’s due. They had mixed feelings about these videos, but in their infinitely deviant wisdom they ruled that it was just about acceptable as a gift due to its good idea. They shook their heads and tutted a little but that was about as bad as it got. Then they fapped.

Here are some iljins’ picks:

For Zaku

Does her cleavage have as much storage capacity as a pocket?

Minha AND Kyungri? Slightly wtf but I'm not complaining


If you have any good kpop related fap material which is unlikely to have been seen by most k-fappers around here, send them my way via twitter, ask.fm or email newworldandbeyond@gmail.com. See my about.me for a full list of criteria for IDGAF submissions.
May your fancams be crystal clear HD!

HYSF's Top Song of 2015

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I know it's only May, but I would be surprised if another song came out this year rivaled "Shattered" or any song on BoA's album. I was on the fence before, but now I'm a Jumping BoA. Thus, BoA went from "I would lick her asshole" to "Step on my balls and peg me."

This is a post that consists of nothing but Apink with their mouths open/things in their mouths

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Finals are over and I finally have time to settle down and create some great content for AKF. So, with that being said I hope you guys appreciate my first ever effort post. I put a lot of work into this!~

















Best of the Worst: May 14, 2015

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It was all about idol bodies and body image this week. We learned which four females have the best legs in kpop, how AOA Jimin looks like a dog, and what keeps Hyosung looking so fine. We also got not one, but TWO stories about boobies. Oh happy day.


The first chest in question

If you look at this photo at the right angle, you can see through her shirt.





But you knew that already, right?

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 78

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This week's submission comes from Abi:


Full post below...


Thank you for your contribution!

~*~*~


Okay so. That happened. An EXOtic was fucked up enough to put a poster all up inside herself, giving herself a paper cut inside her vagina. Okay.

Yahoo Answers is such a goldmine for questions. There was a bunch of responses essentially telling her to sit her crazy friend down and tell her to stop obsessing over Kpop. Because that always works on fangirls.

That poor OP. She even considered skipping school to just avoid her 'friend'. 


If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please e-mail them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to @akf_shinbi, ask them at ask.fm/akfshinbi, send them to ionlylearnedthebadthings (tumblr), or leave them in the comment section below. Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you. Thank you, FISHies!
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