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Let's Get to Know - CarolinaPanthers2015

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You may be asking yourself, who is CarolinaPanthers2015? I'm here to tell you he's one of the greatest minds in K-pop fapping today. A common participant on Reddit's kpopfap board; each of his comments is a work of art. Aptly describing the material being posted while at the same time giving a concise description of what he'd like to do. Really, I haven't seen such great "porn" commenting since ross53545.

CarolinaPanthers2015 was kind enough to answer of a few of my questions:


SF: How long have you been into k-pop?

CarolinaPanthers2015: Since I have discovered Girls' Generation a few years ago. I simply don't know what exact year I started listening to them right now.


SF: Favorite group/ idol?

CarolinaPanthers2015: I have countless favorite girl groups and idols, from Hello Venus to G.NA and from BESTie to Lim Kim.

SF: How many times do you fap per day?

CarolinaPanthers2015: I just jack off to idols whenever I need to. And it doesn't matter if I cum or not.

SF: Lube or no lube? 

CarolinaPanthers2015: No lube at all.

SF: Tits or ass?

CarolinaPanthers2015: Both, along with pussy.

SF: What would you do to Soyeon?

CarolinaPanthers2015: Let's just put it this way. Although T-ara's Soyeon has a boyfriend, i'd love to do countless naughty things to her, like giving her a hardcore face fuck anytime, anywhere. And I don't care if she's busy or not.



SF: What would you do if you had access to Bomi or Chorong's mouth for a day?

CarolinaPanthers2015: Let's think about it this way. I actually want to face fuck all of A Pink, especially Na Eun and Bomi, who have lips that are perfect for sucking a man's cock like mine.

SF: I think Hyosung has the nicest body in all of kpop. Agree?

CarolinaPanthers2015: I totally agree with you about Hyosung.

SF: Whose asshole would be most accepting of your BBC?

CarolinaPanthers2015: I rather think it this way. I prefer fucking every single K-Pop girl group idol in the ass so fucking hard with my fat black cock. And I don't care if there's a bad time to do it because i'd love to distract them with my cock up their asses. And of course I will start with all members of EXID, beginning with Junghwa and then go at it with the other four members at random.


SF: Do you have a go to fap-pic for when you need a quickie? Which one is it?

CarolinaPanthers2015: Again, I just fap to any female idol. And no matter how long it takes, i'll just make eye contact with them and fap away, even if they have their mouth wide open.

SF: Krystal or Jessica?

CarolinaPanthers2015: I rather go at it with any female idol I meet in person, even ones who have boyfriends and married ones.

SF: Ever fapped to a Lovelyz?

CarolinaPanthers2015: Well, not yet, but i'd love to start whenever I get a chance. And i'll start with Jisoo.

SF: SinB just turned 18 in Korea... Did you celebrate?

CarolinaPanthers2015: You know what, let's just be very happy that GFriend's SinB is finally eighteen in South Korea and let's ignore people who say that she's still underage because she isn't anymore.

SF: Ever fap to Jpop? Have a favorite?

CarolinaPanthers2015: Let's just say that I rather fuck every female idol, especially Japanese female idols. And i'll start with the members of Berryz Kobo. Miyabi would be a great girl to start.


SF: Would you allow yourself to be pegged by anyone? Who?

CarolinaPanthers2015: No.

--------------

I'd like to sincerely thank CarolinaPanthers2015 for taking time out of his busy fapping schedule to answer some questions and give us insight into the mind of a master K-fapper. I look forward to his comments in the future... Even though they're likely to buried.

Conspiracy on Conspiracy (in) K-Pop 1: Illuminati are everywhere! Part 1

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Everyone likes good conspiracy theories. Some like to laugh at them while others take them seriously. To fill this niche in k-pop blogging, I bring you a new series called Conspiracy on Conspiracy (in) K-Pop -- in short, COCK.

Let’s start with the well-known organizations: Illuminati, Free Masons and New World Order. Everyone knows at least one theory built around these key words, it is so popular that in Poland there’s even a saying that behind every tragedy/fraud/you name it, there is a “Jewish-Mason-Cyclist Sect”. Apparently in Korea this is also kind of common (it doesn’t surprise me that much since every country with high percentage of Protestants is “obsessed” with it). So how much Illuminati brainwashing is in K-Pop really? Let’s find out!



Here are some basic Illuminati symbols:


  • Pyramids:
2NE1 - I Am The Best


  • Triangles:

TVXQ - Triangle


  • All-seeing-eye:

miss A - Bad Girl Good Girl


  • Checkered patterns:

T.O.P - Turn it Up


  • Black&White (G.NA must be very zealous believer):

Super Junior - Sorry Sorry


  • Pentagram:

Super Junior - Mr. Simple Comeback @Music Bank [050811]


  • Pyramid sign/ROC sign:

UV - Itaewon Freedom (feat. JYP)


  • Triple 6:

Girls' Generation - Run Devil Run


  • El Diablo:

G.NA - Top Girl


  • "As Above, So Below" - song of Hermetism (try to remember which song shot EXID to fame):

SHINee - Lucifer


  • Hidden eye/Hidden eye of Lucifer:

BIG BANG - Fantastic Baby
Girls' Generation - The Boys


  • V sign/Chevron/Sign of Pan the Horned god:

Girl's Day - Hello Bubble



There are many others but it would take too long to include all of them and I’m too lazy.

As you may have already noticed, pretty much every k-pop MV is full of Illuminati symbols. The special case is SM Entertainment

But what is Illuminati trying to achieve using K-pop? 

The first reason is to acquire money and second reason is to use MVs as a means to brainwash people to become their slaves to help them create a New World Order. The fact that there are so many “fangirls” is the best proof that I’m right.

Let’s focus a bit on SM. SM is known for their “slave contracts” which are just how they prepare for NWO where normal people would be slave to the chosen ones. f(x) is being called “SM's experimental” group – SM made the first group that’s just pure Illuminati, with the best example being “Red Light”!



Not only is the MV is full of Illuminati symbols, this is one is "Illuminati Overload," even with their other MVs screaming "Illimunati". The whole song is about destroying the old world:

  • Burning the Bible by Krystal with one-eyed make-up, representing ending of Christianity “rule” and beginning of NWO/New Age
  • She even wears jewelry typical for Hinduism (New Age originated from Hinduism) and there’s also a Celtic cross (sign of Sun god)
  •  Plenty of “one-eye” symbols, which is the symbol of Horus
  • People with chips controlled by the chosen ones (the infamous Verichip 666)
  • f(x) is dressed in military-inspired clothes in the MV, and there are images of war and the lyrics are:

    “Ay ay it's a red light light. It's a real situation, we don't even know what's wrong."
    Ay ay it's a red light light. Listen carefully to the whoever is trying to warn us. Red Light.
    Ay wait a minute, the weak ones get eaten by the rule of jungle.
    Only push forward, push forward, oops I get stepped on.
    Caterpillar, caterpillar, it's turned on when everything sinks."

    This clearly is an allusion to “Ordo Ab Chaos – We (Illuminati) will create New Order out of chaos and destruction of old age.




Not to mention that this one member called “Amber” is either lesbian or transgender which is another typical thing for Freemasons since they worship Lucifer and we all know that Satan is the one who promotes homosexuality and other deviations and tries to make them norm. No normal person would like this song but once you watch it, you will be brainwashed… then you will say something like that “At first this song seemed bad and weird but the more I listen to it, the more I like it” and soon you will start to unknowingly use Illuminati hand symbols, which will inevitably lead to you to becoming a Free Mason/homosexual worshiper of SATAN!

And Zaku I have bad news for you… T.O.P is also Freemason (but it seems that it’s already too late for you since you already have an unhealthy fascination with him ->homosexuality->worshiping of Satan!).


The whole MV is black and white and just full of checkered patterns (it seems Illuminati dictates even fashion trends). T.O.P uses a lot of Illuminati gestures (El Diablo, Hidden Eye, “As Above, So Below”):




Now I’m sure you all will believe me and stay out of K-pop. Save your souls, go to church and fight the Illuminati oppression!

Welcome The 13th Generation

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We have three new disciples of Yeseulogy who have joined AKF: Sindsoron, Oreo Monster, and Kaylia Kookie.



Welcome them and you three should feel free to introduce yourselves in the comments section below.

These three will each have a trial period of two months, just like Sohyunna and PTS did.

And finally, a word about the recent application cycle. This is the second time I've witnessed a hiring cycle here at AKF. The first time I simply observed and let other authors do it, while I was involved this time since Zaku and akisame are temporarily gone for real-life reasons. There were much fewer applicants this time around, and we hired the majority of the applicants we had.

One isn't a native English speaker, one just started blogging, and one's a high school student with no blogging experience. However, what Fany, Soyeon Friend and I noticed is that all three have good ideas for the articles. akisame is our dedicated editor, with Fany, Soyeon Friend and myself filling in and assisting. You don't have to be the best writer, as there are people to fix the technical aspects of writing, you simply just need to have good ideas for articles that people want to read. We have the trial period to test authors out. The worst that happens is that you leave after two months, and the turnover rate on AKF is high, so it's nothing to be ashamed about.

I just wanted to let people know because in every hiring article, I always see people take themselves out of the running without even applying. It gets old. Just apply. If you don't make it, you're in the same position you're currently in.

Just do it.

TRUFAX: G-Dragon is C-R-A-Z-Y

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For some time now, BIGBANG has been making their comeback to the k-pop scene after a long hiatus… And if their first two songs could be called mediocre, the same can’t be said about the third release, “Bang Bang Bang”. Why is it so bad? One simple reason: GD.

Two randomly chosen opinions about the latest song and GD's influence on it.



Everyone agrees that GD is pretty much an escapee from the loony bin but no one really agrees why… First of all, try to listen to his “best” song while reading this post:



Many I-Netz think it's his fashion sense:

Exibit 1:
Here he looks like a poor, ugly and old Vietnamese prostitute.


Exibit 2:
  
Now I understand how Bobby can believe that not showering is heep hap since GD must be his "mentor" in thug life.

Exibit 3:
 
There so much wrong with this styling that I even don't know where to start.

Exibit 4:
  
The Last Mohican is going thourgh his EMO period and is too poor to buy a new jacket.
Exibit 5:
  
The infamous "Wakame Hair".
I must say that all of those arguments are somewhat valid but people just mistook effect with cause.

Then why is GD crazy and what is his illness (other than being a megalomaniac)?

For those of you who are lazy fucks here’s the short answer: GD has schizophrenia and split personality.

If you are still reading I salute you, brave tenacious soldier! Now it’s time for a bit more detailed explanation.

We all know that in a certain song GD's part is, “I hate this Love Song” but this is a bit ironic since this song is a frickin LOVE SONG.

First, let’s check how many songs GD has:

The answer is 33 (well I could fuck up counting a bit since I dropped out of technical university, but for now let’s all agree that this is the correct number) and how many of them are, “love songs”?

20!

That means 61% of his solo songs are, “love songs” (well it would be 64% if we count, "Crooked" as a “love song”) and when they aren’t, “love songs” I would still call some of them, “love songs” because GD thinks he is frickin Narcissus and they are all about himself , "Korean Dream”, “You Do”, “One of a Kind”, “A Boy”, “The Leaders”) so the can be considered worship songs for himself (remember that he has split personality so it is expected).

So what’s the deal with schizophrenia and split personality? Long story short:
  • Split personality: there are two GDs, one that hates “love songs” and one that loves them, loves writing them and loves making “others” sing them. So one GD, let’s call him “GD Love” makes all of those shitty “love songs” and then like a typical sadist makes the other (let’s call this one “Hate GD”) one sing them so that’s why we have this iconic line “I hate this love song”
  • Schizophrenia: GD is simply insane, no one normal could make songs like that and stay sane, not to mention those legendary lyrics:

Michi GO:
Today I’m MichiGO (Michi = Crazy)
Today I’m MichiGO
Today I’m MichiGO
Today I wanna GO crazy~”

“I SAID MOTHER FATHER WHO ARE YOU?
Who am I? Where am I?


Crayon:
“Swag check swag check
Head shoulders knees and toes
Swag check swag check”

„Why so serious?
Get your crayon Get your crayon Get your cray Get your crayon
Get your crayon Get your crayon Get your cray Get your
Why so serious?
Come on girls Come on boys Come on come on Get your crayon crayon Come on girls Come on
boys Come on come on Get your crayon crayon
Head shoulders knees and toes swag”

“My credit card is black, just use it infinitely,
This music is crack, spin the track infinitely.
To all people who lost their sense, I’m a persimmon tree”


Would you call someone who wrote those lyrics a “sane” person? 

This concludes my case.

[MV Review] BoA - Lick My Pussy

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There were quite a few songs that came out in May that I never got the chance to review due to being busy. BoA's "Lick My Pussy", the song and the album, made me a fan, so I felt like I had to review the title track.



First, I want to say that I love bold women, and BoA's probably the boldest a K-pop singer can be, making a song all about attracting a man so that he'll lick her pussy. I love it. I can imagine forcing a guy onto his knees so that he acknowledges that she's the true queen. BoA takes out her mp3 player and starts playing her own song as she strips down. Lastly, she takes off her panties and throws him in the dude's face.

"Lick my pussy, you little bitch," says BoA as she wraps her thighs around his head and starts face fucking him.

That's the bold, head-bitch-in-charge that BoA is with this song. There's even some evidence that she wants people to lick her pussy.

The most obvious one is her wearing the blue dress. First of all, she looks her hottest in the MV wearing that dress. She's trying to make you salivate. Notice how the legs are see-through, and it ends right before you can see her panties. That builds up the anticipation for anyone watching the video.

The other piece of evidence in the MV is when she lays down. She's putting herself in a submissive position so that you'll tongue-fuck that pussy of hers. BoA wants you to feel in charge for a moment before she starts face fucking the shit out of you.

The MV is a total winner for me. As for the song, I really like it. I don't know jack shit about music, getting a D in every music class I was forced to take, so that's why I never really go into depth about the music. Everything goes by how I like the sound of the song. The only thing I wish BoA would change is to have that funky guitar play throughout the whole song instead of just the chorus and lay down on the synth. It's fine if that's going to be the dominant beat in the song, but it isn't, and it happens to overpower the other instruments.

In the end, I would let BoA face fuck me while she played this song on infinite loop.

POSITIVE post - Kim Hyun Joong

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Kpopalypse is back with another POSITIVE post!  Lots of people complain that Kpopalypse is too insulting and condescending, so there's no time like the present to turn over a new POSITIVE leaf once again!

eunnjungcrutches2 copy

This post is all about acknowledging and celebrating the wonderful qualities of Kim Hyun Joong... but it's also about more than that!  Kpopalypse is going to do something extra-special to help improve the quality of his life, let's read on and find out what it is!

Of course the only way to get this POSITIVE post started is with a lovely picture of Korean singer and actor Kim Hyung Joong.

khj4

Gosh, what a nice-looking young man.  Have you seen a man this attractive recently?  Probably not.  Here is Kim Hyun Joong's old k-pop group, SS501.

khj6

SS501 did quite well for themselves over the years, and became a very popular group.  Kim Hyun Joong was able to afford a deposit on this house due to his music success with SS501 and also later on as a solo artist - wow!

khjhouse

Now that wouldn't be cheap!  He is clearly very popular and successful to afford to buy a big place like that.  Everyone must obviously love and support him.

KimHyunJoongDeluluFandumb-575x373

Wow, look at the dedication of those fans.  It must be Kim Hyun Joong's sweet personality that attracts such devotion.  Here's a picture of Kim Hyun Joong welcoming some nice camerapeople to his abode.

kimhyunjoongaward

He seems like such a smiling happy chap!  Wouldn't you want to spend time with someone with such a nice welcoming face?  But look out because he can be moody too.

khj3

Gosh, what a stare, something must have really upset him when that photo was taken.  Or maybe he's drawing on his incredible acting talents, refined from his many years working in Korean dramas.

khj2

Here he is holding his jaw, like he's just been in a fight or something, or maybe in fact he's got the back of his palm up because he's ready to slap someone.  I'm sure this would never happen in reality and he's just tapping into his amazing skills as an actor though.

khj7

It takes true acting talent to look this threatening when you're really so nice.  But wait... what are the following photos all about?

injured1

These are pictures of Kim Hyun Joong's ex-girlfriend.  It seems like she's been collecting some nasty bruises lately - that's no good!

injured2

How is she getting hurt so badly?  We know for sure that it's not Kim Hyun Joong's fault because he's such a nice man and would never do anything to hurt her - so what could it be?

KHJ_livingroom

A quick look inside Kim Hyun Joong's house and all is explained.  Look at those coffee tables.  They seem to have really sharp edges.  Anybody could easily fall and bruise themselves on those.  However as Kim Hyun Joong now has a hefty mortgage on this amazing house, I'm sure that he can't just go around buying new furniture at a whim just because his girlfriend is a little bit clumsy every now and then.  Of course, it's not her fault that she's clumsy either, so let's not be hating on her and instead put the responsibility where it belongs - his agency.  This is really something that KeyEast Entertainment should be footing the bill for - they can afford all those fancy music videos, so why not a simple coffee table?

Click the picture of Kim Hyun Joong below to sign the Change.org petition!
khjfighting

Together, we can take a stand against non OHS&W-compliant furniture!  Let's do it for Kim Hyung Joong!
eunjungcrutches copy

Which female idol would make the best porn star?

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It's no mystery that female K-pop idols are pretty fucking hot. But would being hot be enough for them to make it big in the porn industry (which probably won't happen anytime soon)? Well, obviously not, because if it were, I could just put in the names of all the members of every single girl group out there (with a few exceptions) and call it a day. But being a porn star takes much more than just looks and body, and you shall see how through this article.

So here are the nominees, handpicked personally by me, in no particular order.
(P.S. This is gonna be photo and gif heavy).
(P.P.S., If you managed to get through this whole article without fapping once, you get a cookie.)




                                          4MINUTE - HyunA



Oh look, Hyuna's here! Shocker! Well, Hyuna's known to be the 'seductress' or whatever, but I won't disagree. This woman would make a straight girl go lesbo, for obvious reasons. So where does Hyuna specialize? We shall go through it step by step.

Body?



Boobies: Definitely had some work done, SO...

Nice...

Booty: None thus far.

But an A for effort.
Waist: Ant size.


PASS.

General sluttiness?






Boob squeezing, touching her own boobs and va-jay-jay.

PASS.

Girl on girl?

HELL YES. She seems more into girls if you ask me...
General horniness?



Has shown her crave for the 'd' repeatedly in music videos through:
- Lip biting
- Finger biting
- Self touching




- Leg spreading



- Not-so-subtle moan samples in "Bubble Pop" and "Red"

SHE WANTS THE D. Or V.


Skin Exposure rating?


8/10 (9 if she shows us her tits).

Specialties would be:
- Seduction
- Girl on Girl action.


     SISTAR - Hyorin


I personally think Hyorin is a step above Hyuna in terms of body. The rest... not so much. It's much harder finding sexy pictures of her on the net compared to Hyuna. But that doesn't mean she doesn't deserve a place on this list.

Body?

Shape: Curvy
Boobies?



Obvious push-up but ACKNOWLEDGED.

Booty?


Not bad... Not bad at all...
APPROVED

Legs?

Plus marks for the sexy tan.
PASS

Suggestiveness?



Blatant.

General Sluttiness?



Not Hyuna level, but passable.

Skin Exposition rating?



7/10. Needs improvement.

Specialties would be:
- Being vocal in bed
- Blow jobs (just because)


  Wa$$up - Nada



Probably not a big surprise that Nada is a nominee. To be honest, I personally think she'd make the best porn star. I dare say she has the best body in K-pop (COME AT ME BRO). Too bad I couldn't find many pictures of her though, but she has my vote.

Body?

Shape: CURVY

Boobies?


Good 'nuf.

Booty?



O_O

General horniness?


She wants the ding dong at the back door alright.

What more do I have to say?

Suggestiveness?

I'm pretty sure that's not how you ride a skateboard...
...Yup.

Skin Exposition Rating?

5/10. WE NEED MOREEEEEEEE.

Specialties would be:
- ANAL.No more, no less.


       Ailee



The only reason she's a nominee is because of the whole nude scandal thingy. Just goes to show the girl's got some kink to her. Not only that, but she went a step further with that sexy photoshoot  right after the scandal, which is practically just flipping everyone off and showing them how much she doesn't give a fuck. Ailee, you are my spirit animal.

Body? 

Shape: Curvy

Boobies?

Holy mother of-
Booty?


Passable...

PASS

Suggestiveness?




Subtle.

General sluttiness kinkiness?


Skin Exposition rating?


Including scandal: 10/10
Excluding scandal: 7/10, improving.

Specialty would be:
- Dirty Talk/Sexting/Strip Teases

                                                        Brown Eyed Girls - Ga In



So, this is our last nominee, and let me just say this girl more than deserves a place on this list. The sex Goddess Ga In is a step above everyone on this list in every category... except maybe for body. She's the one that makes us go O_O in every music video. She's the one that never gives us music without a message, a message that oh-so-coincidentally always has something or the other to do with sex. Yup, she's totally earned her place on the nominees list.

Body?


Boobies?

You tried, girl.
Booty?


Acknowledged.

Legs?


Short, but good ratios.

PASS.

General sluttiness?

She's not slutty. She's artistic.

Girl on Girl?





CAN I GET AN AMEN?

General horniness?

Do I even need to elaborate?

Entrance granted.
...
Oh.
PASS.

Skin Exposition Rating?


9/10

Specialties would be:
- Girl on Girl
- BDSM (She seems to be into that)


Vote for your favorite pornstar idol here. Results will be revealed next week! Before we wrap up, I would like to give out some honorable mentions.

-Wa$$up - Nari
-Secret - Hyosung
-Rainbow - Jaekyung


Lastly, none of these gifs or photos belong to me, but I do get some credit for compiling them, right? Took a good amount of research.

Also, happy fapping!

Pritz to go on hiatus

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You're probably thinking either one of:
a) who the fuck are these nugus?
b) who the fuck cares?

a) better than your shitty faves
b) SJWs who think they defeated the Nazis

Pritz are going on hiatus due to the personal issues of one of the members, who has not been named. Apparently, she's having trouble with juggling both group activities and studying. Fortunately for fans, they decided to wait and hope that she's able to return instead of kicking her out and replacing her or disbanding.

They've also left Crazy Cowboy for us to enjoy in the meantime, so there's that.



In the meantime, there are quiteafewgirlgroupcomebacks scheduled for soon. What are your predictions on who will suck the least?


T.O.P's Ominous Instagram Posts (#BROKEN)

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I've heard from somewhere that T.O.P of BIGBANG has a weird fetish for interior designing or whatever, but he sure isn't hiding it. Subsequently, I begin to question my life choices. I do remember previously unfollowing T.O.P on Instagram because of his annoyingly frequent, non-sensual updates that crammed my homepage with utter bullshit that probably has some deep inner meaning that I'm way too dumb to understand. Heaven knows why I decided to follow him again a few days later. Looking at the bright side though, this gave me some material to write about so fuck it.

Now I shall the uncover the mysteries behind some of these Instagram posts using the power of #OreoMonsterLogic.

Tell me what you guys make of these pictures in the comments below.

(Warning, a lot of what-the-fuck-ery coming up).





Exhibit A:

Sexual Innuendo?
My totally valid analysis: I'd say this picture talks about the dangers of being overly horny. How? I shall explain. So let me tell you what happened to the poor man in the above picture who is a victim of sexual abuse(?). The banana in his mouth is fairly obvious imagery of a blow job (Hey Sindsoron, you just got yourself some new material for COCK: homosexuality). The man who was getting the blowjob got so turned on that he started fucking the other mercilessly in the eye (hence banana in eye). But he didn't stop there - oh no - he continued to fuck him in the ears and lastly in his head. However, now only one thing remains- the banana cover sitting on the man's head. This signifies the man had come and emptied out his white (with me so far?).

My conclusion: T.O.P is warning us about being too rough during sexual activity, as it could result in terrible, terrible consequences. We patiently await reports about the above man's current health.

Also, this 'Gilles Barbier' guy seems to have a weird obsession with bananas.


Exhibit B:


Oh, it's a...trapezium.
Now don't go telling me 87,120 people like math, because I wouldn't believe that for shit. Especially if its #yoloswag Big Bang fans (aka VIPs or whatever) who are probably dropping out of school and smoking pot with their friends all night e'rry night.

My conclusion: T.O.P is probably telling idiotic VIPs to stop kissing G-dragon's ass and start studying so that, you know, they can have a future(?).

Also, I have googled 'Agnes Martin'. He is, apparently, an abstract painter. Also. he's dead.

Moment of silence for him...

And on to Exhibit C:

An orgy, perhaps?

My analysis:
  • Multiple digit sex can result in you becoming a black deflated balloon
OR
  • This 'Ateliar Van Lieshout Body Sofa' is so spacious, you could have an orgy of 6 (or 7?) people on it. Aka advertising. 
My conclusion: It's probably just advertising.


Exhibit D:

Oh it's a... something.
The real question here is WHY DOES THIS SHIT HAVE 98,940 LIKES? Ugh, whatever. Let's get down to business.

My analysis: Well, the clue here is 'Secret messages'. This is all that's written. So what is T.O.P trying to tell us?

Calculating...

Calculating...

Calculating...

My conclusion: It's probably a picture of his penis with a considerable amount of B&W filters.

(Are you impressed so far with the #OreoMonsterLogic or what?)

Exhibit E:

(My personal, uh, 'favorite').

I don't know if I should be turned on or creeped out.
My analysis: First of all, what the fuck. Second, I think this talks about how when people do these nude photoshoots they're only thinking about the benefits they'll get out of it, aka money. Hence the smirk face. Or something. I don't know, I think I overused the power of #OreoMonsterLogic and now I'm just bullshitting.

My conclusion: T.O.P says money is not worth selling your body for. Why, aren't you a saint.

Other works by Paul McCarthy:
Oh man, I'm so using this from now on.

Well that marks the end of the first episode of #BROKEN. Anything you want me to break down using the #OreoMonsterLogic? Feel free to leave your requests in the comments!

I would like to sincerely thank T.O.P for leaving these wonderful messages behind his Instagram posts, truly an idol to look up to. T.O.P is using his position as a K-pop idol to send inspirational messages to the fans instead of 'Yolo' and whatnot. We can clearly see that T.O.P is trying to improve the mentality of his already fucked over fandom, and no matter how futile his attempts may be, I will always stan him for trying his best.

Now excuse me, I gotta go unfollow T.O.P on Instagram.

Why Australian adverts need to learn from Korea

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What I've learned whilst enjoying the k pop scene, is that Korean adverts do it better than Australia. Might be different for you, but down under, our ads are terrible. Take Sprite for example:

Suzy for Sprite


Ads for Sprite in Korea happen to include well-known idols and fan service.





Do you get the point? Boobs. Fan service. Great, perfect, love it, I want more. Now.
For comparison, let me show you how these ads are for Australia.



No fan service. No well-known celebrities. No fan service. It's a wasted opportunity. If our ads actually had something worth watching in them, I would watch more TV, but they don't and so I won't. Are ads better in other places of the world? Or am I just not watching TV at the right times?

It's also not just Sprite that takes use of fan service for their own goals. Kellogg's has recently released photos of their new model. And it's a damn shame we don't utilize this in Australia.

Best of the Worst: June 11, 2015

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Hi readers, and sorry for not posting last week (I was busy). Please accept this photo of Dahye as my sincere apology.




Anywho, this week in bad kpop we've got idol shit talking, an embarrassing manager, and the pot calling the kettle slutty.





I can beez flexible like Dahye.




BESTies say, "Dahye hwaiting! Yoga pants hwaiting!"

KPOPALYPSE INTERVIEW - Neil Hannigan (ex-trainee at SM Entertainment)

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Hello lovely readers!  KPOPALYPSE INTERVIEW is back once again to entertain you all!

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This time Kpopalypse is interviewing ex-trainee at SM Entertainment, Neil Hannigan!  Read on to find out more!


Neil Hannigan came to my attention in much the same way that another Kpoplaypse interviewee, Sarah Wolfgang also did - by dropping a Reddit/AMA (Ask Me Anything).  Neil also then followed this up with another thread on Reddit/kpop, and between the two threads he's answered a good few hundred questions and left few stones unturned about his time at SM Entertainment.  I highly recommend that you check out both threads before reading the interview below, as it will give you a nice overview.  Normally I ignore Reddit threads claiming a k-pop connection as it's very easy to fake these details, but Neil's depth in his answers plus his willingness to provide details and verify himself (using documents that I'm not at liberty to republish here) showed that he was the real deal.  Initial enquiries also proved that Neil was not only happy to talk to Kpopalypse but very much on the same page ideologically:

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Clearly Neil is someone who has his head screwed on correctly, and kudos to him for surviving the k-pop experience with his health and sanity intact!  What follows is the (only very slightly) edited Skype conversation that I had with Neil about his time at SM Entertainment and what he experienced and observed.  Enjoy... and learn stuff!



Hi.  How are you?  Answer in as much or as little detail as applicable.

I'm pretty good.  I'm a bit cold, I'm a bit sick - but it's okay!

Thanks for agreeing to do this, I really appreciate it.

No problem.

What made you want to become a k-pop star in the first place and go down this path?

I always had a kind of aspiration to do something, to be on a stage and perform for people.  I'm pretty much white, there's very little Korean in me, but the western pop music industry is kinda messed up.  I feel like people don't work enough for the amount of fame they reach, you know, Nicki Minaj, Drake and stuff like that.  They sing about weird things and the music videos are depraved sometimes [laughs]. I feel like in the Korean pop industry people work hard and they actually deserve what they get, and I felt like the practice routine and everything was kind of my thing, and I would actually enjoy it, but it changed pretty quickly when I was actually there on the spot!  I was expecting it to be tough but I didn't expect it to be that strict.

So I guess you became involved because at least on the surface, it appealed to your moral music industry values?

Yes.


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Neil's schedule as a trainee - source: Reddit

Was there a point where you went from "this is something I'd like to do" to "I definitely can do this, I have a realistic shot at this"?  What was it like getting to the point where you were like "I'm definitely going to give this a 100% shot"?

This thought process formed in 2012 when I discovered some k-pop through my friends.  I listened to it and discovered how the process goes down, how they do it and become what they are.  I felt like I could actually try it and maybe start doing something - but I thought "I'm living in the USA, and this is k-pop, it happens in Korea, how do I do this?" and I Googled some stuff and discovered that they actually hold auditions globally, including New York.  I thought I would just go for it; I really didn't have anything to lose.  If they reject - good, I'll just continue with school and everything, and if they accept me, then yeah I guess this will be pretty cool experience-wise and also in trying to reach what I want.  Basically the day came when the auditions went down, the competition was tough because everyone was really talented and I felt like "everyone's quite more talented than me here!" - it was definitely pretty hard.  It was a weird feeling to see how many people wanted to be k-pop trainees or k-pop stars, I didn't really expect to see so many people who wanted to do that who are born in America and are more exposed to the western pop music than the Korean pop music.

I know there's a lot of stuff written about the SM audition process, but it's generally not from the point of view of a person who has actually been through all of it and gotten to the point of being a trainee.  Exactly what did you have to go through?

When you go to the audition, there are a lot of people there, all of them are between the ages of 12-20 but most of then are 14-15 years old like me at the time.  Some are good at singing, dancing, rapping, and some are good at nothing really, those ones obviously don't get through!  Obviously some extreme k-pop fans don't get through too - the judges, they can see people who are really big fans of k-pop so they usually tend to not take them as trainees because they will probably only be there to see their idols which they don't actually get to see in the audition process!

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Neil on Taemin (SHINee) - source: Reddit

The first round, you get called up, and you go in front of three judges (or there were three in 2013 anyway).  You have to do a dance routine which is 1-2 minutes long.  It doesn't have to be a full song because they just want to get the general idea of if you can dance or you can't dance.  Then you have to sing, which I tried, but after a couple of minutes they just said "we're going to stick to the dancing because you're not good at singing!".  [laughs] That's the truth - I'm not a good singer at all!  After that they will not tell you if you're in or not, they'll just say "If you're in we're going to let you know in a couple weeks' time".

Almost a month after that, I actually got through the audition process and they called me in again for the second audition where they look for potential trainees who have the star quality and potential to get in.  Basically I got through because this other guy was a pretty good singer but at the last minute he bailed out of the whole process, he didn't even come to the audition because apparently he had some issues with his parents or something, and there weren't really many left!  There were only two of us, so we got through.  It was kind of lucky, I really didn't think I would get through.  I thought it would require more talent, but apparently the New York City auditions weren't going that well, but they had to take someone, they have to take at least one person from each region because they were looking for trainees at the time.

So they have a target to meet, they have to take at least one person?

Exactly.  Then you go to Korea, they present your parents with the whole option and how it all goes down.  In my case the contract got sent to America to my parents, and translated into English for them, but my friends read it through and there were quite a lot of grammar mistakes in the contract even though it was an official contract!  It was pretty weird.  My parents read it though, they were kind of reluctant to sign it at first because it was kinda strict, but I said it was my lifelong dream and I really wanted to try this.  They signed it, I went to Korea and then it's the trainee process from there on.

Did they ever suggest that a lawyer look over your contract?

I didn't have any say in anything there because it was up to my parents.  If I would have said yes I wasn't 18 at the time, and if my parents said no, then that's it basically.  They wanted my parents to go to Korea to sign the contract, but my parents aren't that good at advanced Korean so they had to translate the contract.  My Dad had to work, my Mum wasn't really available at the time to go to Korea just to sign the contract...

I guess what I'm getting at is - maybe not for yourself, but perhaps for your parents - was there any room for negotiation perhaps?  To give you a picture of how this works in the west; if you were to sign with a major western label they would actually make you sign the contract with a lawyer present, and if you went to sign the contract without a lawyer present, they would refuse to let you sign it.  They would actually say to you "come back when you have a lawyer to look over the contract, and then sign it".  (Interviewer note: this practice developed recently in the west not for altruistic "let's help the poor struggling artists" reasons but as a way to combat artists being able to nullify unfavourable contracts in court down the track without penalty by saying "I didn't know what I was signing, it wasn't explained to me", and/or "I was drunk/high at the time").

No, that was not the case there.  Even if you would get a lawyer, if you want to negotiate any of the clauses in the contract, they will pretty much deny the contract, because they...

...they have many other potential trainees to choose from?

Yeah.  SM want you to sign the contract how they wrote it, they don't want to change anything for any individual.

We're not going to talk about what's in the contract, I know we can't - but having a non-disclosure agreement in the contract itself is fairly unusual (for a music industry contract).  Why do you think SM might be so secretive about it?

It's probably... most definitely because of all the drama about "slave contracts" and everything, and when you read it through it actually comes off like that, even though it's not really, because the trainee contracts are not that bad.  They're so secretive about it because the contract is so different from western pop music contracts, you're not allowed to do so much stuff.  They are allowed to control the things you eat, they are allowed to control how many hours you sleep... if all that basically gets out, every point of the contract, that will probably cause a stir-up with "slave contracts".  That's probably the reason why they're so secretive about it, it wouldn't be good for the press and everything.

I think that a lot of people these days would have a pretty good inkling already of what an SM contract would be like.  It's interesting that SM don't want to go down the route of "well the cat's out of the bag now - why not be really open about it and try to clear our name a little bit".

I actually hope that other SM trainees who don't renew the contract would actually get involved in the k-pop community and talk about some of this stuff.  I think that would actually get SM to be a bit more open about it, given that so many people already know what's going on.  I think it's because so many trainees get laid off every year, and so many people don't renew the contract and they stay silent.  They forget about that part of their lives and continue to go to school and get a job and start a family, they don't really talk about the stuff that's happened there because 80% of the trainees are Korean-born, they live in Korea, they have a certain level of respect.  Even though some stuff is not in the contract - there isn't a clause in there that says "you can't do an AMA on Reddit" - but Korean people still won't do it because it's a matter of respect and secrecy.

They want to respect the people who mentored them and looked after them for those years?

Yeah, and I respect the people who mentored me, but I think it's not a big deal if I reveal some of the info that's not that bad, but you get taught the secrecy while you're a trainee, you can't even talk about stuff like that with your friends at school.

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Neil on plastic surgery - source: Reddit

In terms of streetwise advice, what words would you give to someone who told you that they just got accepted as a trainee?  Not just SM - assume just a big k-pop label of any sort.

Probably I would tell them no matter how hard you work, always remember that there is a chance you won't get to be on a stage.  Don't live for it - you have other things to live for besides being a trainee.  That's a mistake that some of the other trainees made, they basically thought that this is their life now, completely.  They feel "I don't have family, I don't have friends - this is all I've got".  That's why there is so much underage drinking there, that's why some of the girls are suicidal, because they get this idea in their heads that this is the only thing they've got and that if they let go of this, there's no life for them - and that's not true.

How does one even become an underage drinker at a place like SM where everything is obviously very tightly controlled?

There are many ways to smuggle things in there.  There aren't any guards coming in at night while you're supposedly sleeping.  Obviously when we come from school, or Sundays when we get a day off, we can go to places and buy something and relax.  The underage drinking most of the time doesn't happen in the building, it happens outside.

Do they actually train you in being on a stage, or just in doing dance steps to the inch?

There are weekly evaluations where how you act on a camera decides how you will feel on a stage.  There are three judges and all the other trainees sitting there watching how you do the video.  That's basically an audience for yourself and there are multiple cameras from different angles, it feels like a stage because all of the trainees are there and you're higher than them.  If you feel confident there that means you're ready for a stage, if you don't feel confident there and you mess up in front of your trainees and judges and coaches it means you're not ready yet.

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Neil on trainees as backup dancers - source: Reddit

And that's a weekly process?
 
Yes, every two weeks usually.

Do you actually like k-pop musicially - these days?

The new k-pop, not that much.  The older stuff - not the really old stuff, but the supposed "Golden Age of K-pop" - 4Minute in 2010-2011, SHINee's "Lucifer", the Golden Age of K-pop was pretty good, the music was pretty good, but nowadays it's way too westernised in my opinion.   Of course some comebacks are pretty cool but it feels like the same thing over and over again from most artists.  I'm actually listening to a lot of western music, I'm listening to a lot of indie rock music like Two Door Cinema Club but in k-pop I actually like EXO's "Call Me Baby", I think it's a pretty good song.  Their whole album, I gave it a listen, it was a pretty good album to be honest, I liked it.  Of course the new SHINee album "Odd" sounds pretty good too, it sounds a bit different to all the other k-pop releases, especially "View", it doesn't sound title-song worthy at first but the more you listen to it the more it becomes clear that it's a little bit different from the usual stuff you hear.  I don't really listen to much k-pop these days, there's only a few things I'll listen to.  Obviously Beast and 4Minute - I'm a pretty big fan of Cube.

When you were a trainee, did you get much of a chance to do any recording?  Were you ever in a recording studio?

Yes, of course.  They sometimes try your voice for recording.  You go into the studio with one or two producers and they give you something to sing.  They basically teach you how to sing for a recording, because when you sing for a recording it has to be a lot more controlled.  I couldn't really sing, that's why I didn't have those sessions that often, but really good singers had these sessions almost every day, they went to the studio and recorded pieces, figured out how to control the pitch of their voice and everything.

So if you're a good dancer, they'll focus more on dance training, and if you're a good singer they'll focus more on singing training, rather than the other way around - rather than try to make you an all-rounder, they try to specialise you, would that be correct?

Exactly.  The thing that many people don't understand is they think if your dancing's really good they think "yep they will probably focus on your singing because it's bad" but it's the other way around.  If you're good at something they focus on that so you will be best at that.

It makes sense from the point of view of trying to make each of the members in a group distinct in some way.  Why have a multi-member group if the members aren't different?

Exactly, yes.

Is there anything that you had hoped you would have been asked on the Reddit but that no-one touched upon?

Actually now that I think of it, I think pretty much everything's been touched on.  In both threads there were about 400-500 questions.
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Neil on idol documentaries - source: Reddit

Yes, there were a lot!  You did a pretty good job of answering them all, too!

I lost a lot of sleep on that, but I'm used to it so what the hell!  [laughs]  Pretty much every subject was mentioned and some questions were obviously more stupid than others in the sense of "what does Kai of EXO smell like?" -  I don't know, I've never met him in real life, so... [laughs] !

I read a lot of the stuff about you meeting idols and a lot of people focused on that because they're a little bit obsessed!

K-pop fans - the usual!

The most eye-opening thing for me was finding out about people self-harming.  I assume it can't be hidden and that SM are aware that it happens?  Do they have any sort of damage control or help for those people, or is it kind of hidden?

There are therapists at request, but the self-harming types are usually the girls, and the girls really try to hide it, because it shows weakness.  They do it because they don't want anyone to see it, they just want to feel it - I don't know how to explain it really, but there wasn't any drama over there with that because the coaches and managers don't really focus on that.  Unless it gets too far where they actually bleed to death, then it gets serious, but as long as they are not really disturbed in the sense of training and stuff - as long as they practice the same routine and do everything that they did before, no-one actually really cares and that's a pretty dark thing over there.

What's the most common method of self-harm?

It's probably cutting.  From what I've seen, and I've heard about this rather than seen it - it's usually the legs, because you can cover them up really well with sweat-pants while training.  While training you obviously sweat so you have a top or a T-shirt on and if you cut your arms everyone can see it and then the rumours start; "oh, this girl is mentally weak, she cuts herself, she's not worthy of being an idol".

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Neil on SM Rookies - source: Reddit

How aware of the media perception of idols do you think people who are undergoing training are?  I understand you have no Internet, would it be true to say you're completely cut off from all that?

On Sundays we went out and some people got their laptops and phones and stuff.  You can potentially update yourself in that kind of sense but no-one really did it because no-one was really interested in that stuff, everyone was just so self-involved.  Only if something big about SM's going on like the whole EXO fiasco, that usually gets out because we are at one of the buildings, not through the Internet [but when stuff does come through the Internet] it's usually through the guys who browse Inven, which is like the Reddit of Korea.  Some of the guys before they became trainees they enjoyed video games and such, the usual thing in Korea, and Inven was the only thing that could keep them updated in that sense, so if anything was discovered it was through Inven.

I don't think I have too much more to ask you, I think you've covered off quite a lot.  I think pretty much anything I haven't already asked you is already in the questions you've answered on the Internet.  Do you have anything else that you'd really like to say that you really think should be in the article?

If anyone wants to become a trainee you shouldn't really care about your race, SM are open to foreigners being trainees, you'll see that I'm pretty much white.  Of course there's some favouritism going on for Korean trainees but it's not that bad.  It's not like really racism, it's just that it's Korea so Koreans get maybe a little more respect.  Definitely if anyone wants to try out and you're from Vietnam or Thailand or America or Europe you should just go for it.

So you would still recommend the path of a trainee for people who really wanted to do it?

Yes, if they are completely sure that they want to do it and try it out, and they're young enough that they can lose two years of their life for potentially something bigger, I just say go for it.  There's really nothing to lose.

Okay, thank you very much for talking to me!

No problem!

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Neil Hannigan, May 2015



That's it for another Kpopalypse Interview!  Are you, or do you know someone who is/was doing something in the k-pop industry and who would like to do a Kpopalypse Interview?  If so, get in touch!

The B Team: Purfles

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The B Team is your one-stop introduction into the horrible, horrible world of lesser kpop girl groups. After someextensiveresearchinto the worldof the best of thebest, I have come up with a decently long list of girl groups that need your attention. Every week, I'll do a focus on generally one group at a time, introducing the members (if possible) and tracking down some fancams. Granted, these groups may no longer be active or still together, but if that's the case, then I will do a focus on two groups in the one post. Because I can.

For them to be classed as the B Team, they have to not be mentioned in any of the several sites I went to that listed the top however many girl groups in Korea, and I just have to feel like they aren't particularly well known and need some exposure. Feel free to let me know of any nugu girl groups that you feel deserve an article.
/Fairly gif heavy/



So we're gonna start with: Purfles


A three-member girl group who debuted October 21, 2014.  Formed by Crescendo Music.

Members:
Gunhee (born 1990)

Wooyoung (born 1993)

Eun Yong (Born 1991)

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Status: I am very very very unsure, but I think they're still together, not doing anything.
But hey who cares, because at least when they debuted last year they gave us:


Bless them.

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Videos:
That I slaved oh so long over to find, that I definitely did not have bookmarked at all.
 /Also I am a girl & I am showing what is a+ to watch to my standards.
And nobody cares for audio quality amirite/








Bonus: Dance cover of Purfles' "1,2,3" with better outfits


Extra bonus: Sick of the song? Have a dodgy remix.


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Keep an eye out for any news of a comeback, because I haven't seen anything in a while.
And feel free to comment with who should be featured next.

KPOPALYPSE ASS SURVEY 2015

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About this time last year I made a post tracking down the greatest k-pop asses.  Since a year has gone by, it's time for an update, as a lot changes in a year of k-pop ass!

I'm not any more of an ass-man in 2015 than I was in 2014, so once again I'm leaving the important decision of who owns the best k-pop ass completely up to you, the readers!  Click the ass below to vote!



A results post will be forthcoming once I get enough replies!

Conspiracy on Conspiracy (in) K-Pop (COCK) 2: Trap/Trans Hani

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Time for the next COCK! This time, we will tackle a less serious problem than Illuminati/NWO. It's time to find cocks transgenders in k-pop! 

... well ... other than Nana, since everyone already knows:


Once again, completely random opinion
chosen from the depths of the Internet


This one is also from a random, unrelated person.



In April in another NB post with blind items, one piece caught my attention:


2. There are over 200 girl groups registered with the Singer's Association, making that over 1,000 individual girl group members. However, there are two with social security numbers that start with a 1 (males start with 1, females start with 2). The public is already aware of a transgender group L, which means there is another either male or a transgender registered as a girl group member.


First things first: When it comes to this mysterious transgender group L, there was a group called "Lady," but they broke up in 2007. Here is one of their songs:




I dare you to fap to them (but still ... some people fap to HyOrc)


Many people suspect that one of the mystery girl group members is Jia, because when miss A debuted Jia seemed to have a little friend between her legs.


Jia and her "little friend"

How wrong they all are … The truth is simple: The transgender girl group member is Hani. Why?

Exhibit 1:
It's obvious that old habits die hard. Hani's body still remembers that once between those legs was a dick.


Exhibit 2:

Another proof than Hani was a man! Her brain still doesn't grasp the concept of personal hygiene, and we all know that lack of it is typically a male thing.


Exhibit 3:


She clearly can’t behave like a lady, and now we all know that Heechul knows about her past and tries to protect this secret.


Exhibit 4:


Hani knows how important a prostate is to a man and still remembers how to check it.


Exhibit 5:


Any heterosexual man (I'm not talking about those gay idols) can't make a heart with his hands (I know from experience), and those pictures clearly show that Hani still has the brain of a man.


Even with help from Potato, Hani can't figure it out.


Exhibit 6:

Hani has the IQ of a genius, and we all know that no female is really smart, since all they need to do is cook and clean, hence Hani still is a man in her mind.

Exhibit 7:

She admitted it!


Conclusion? Since Hani is even more manly than Amber she must have been a man before!









NSFW BONUS:

Hani before her oepration.

EXO's Love Me Right - MV Breakdown

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Nah, that title was a complete troll. I may not know much, but I do know that one would have to know what the actual fuck is going on in a music video to be able to break it down, in which case I don't. If I had an observation though, I'd say SM tried to pull a T-ARA with this shit.

I will, however, explain what SM was trying to achieve in this music video - which, in its own way, is pretty fucking genius but pretty fucking dumb at the same time.


Notice that this MV, just like f(x)'s Red Light, is packed with a shit load of symbolism, but altogether it doesn't make any sense. It's almost like SM showing off how much research they put into symbolism by stuffing them all into one music video, hence the end result is a big load of what the fuck is going on?

But I figured out exactly why they do that. Look at all these people writing articles trying to explain what the story of the MV is, but the truth is - it doesn't have one in the first place! That's the point. SM is experimenting with the fans. Imagine how damn amusing it would be reading all these articles trying to make sense of something that was not meant to make sense in the first place. Pretty amusing, I'd say. And pretty fucking evil too.

SM is using the fans for their own entertainment. In their defense though, that agency must be full of Ajusshis who aren't getting any action from their fat wives anymore. I understand that they are compelled to resort to other forms of entertainment. Besides, who wouldn't wanna watch those idiotic fangirls work their tiny little brains into figuring out something that has no meaning to start with?

Ah well, never let it be said I didn't share my findings with the world- you're welcome. This one goes out to all the smarter ones out there. Be careful, you don't wanna fall into their dirty little trap.

In return for the amusement though, SM pays the fans back with some fanservice.

Kai is seriously enjoying himself back there.
I'd be lying if I said SM doesn't know how to have their way with things. Sketchy little bastards...

Big Bang - Bang Bang Bang Rap Remix

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G-Dragon and TOP were surprised at the negative reactions "Bang Bang Bang" has been receiving, so they decided to do a remix, featuring everyone's favorite hiphop artist Bobby.

I found the lyrics on DC Inside, but for some reason, I can never find the audio to these remixes.





[G-Dragon]

I am completely losing my mind
As I am a subject to the passage of time
But my fangirls think I’m a genius
That compensates for my micropenis
I can’t rhyme for shit any longer
You would expect my lyricism to be stronger
But it’s not like I could rap the first place
We all know the true case
It must be from all the weed I’ve been smoking
I’ll admit I’m gay before I quit toking
We can all blame it on Kiko
She’s been fucking my ass violently
We all know I’m too blue-pilled to fuck her
So I just take it up the ass silently


BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Bang bang bang
BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Bang bang bang


[Bobby]

I forgot to shower before I came to the studio
Just to prove I have more swag than Coolio
I high-fived people while I took a dump
I don’t want to be near any lame-ass chump
Smeared shit on their hands to make them more hiphop
I eat my own shit because I’m hardcore
Taking a shower is such a bore
I like to piss on the bathroom door
I’m more hardcore than two black dude’s ripping an Asian girl’s asshole
My lyricism has no rival
I’d compare it to AKF’s mom’s casserole
After this you’ll need some Mydol
Even though I look like roadkill
I can pick up chicks with my armpit sweat
Follow me on the way to hiphop greatness
Because nigga you ain’t shet


BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Bang bang bang
BANG! BANG! BANG!
BANG! BANG! BANG!
Bang bang bang


[TOP]

My name is Choi Seung Hyun
And you may not call me Choi Seung Yeon
I can make guys finger their assholes to me
I can even make them crave my D
I don’t even have to chop off my dick
Because artificial pussies are sick
Y’all mother fuckers can’t resist this Vulcan flow
Sasaengs follow me everywhere I go
We all know every sa saeng saeng saeng
Wants to stalk me and bang bang bang
I am going to be a world star
Run over my competition like Daesung’s car

Tao's actually smart

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Tao has proven himself to be the smartest of the four Chinese members in EXO. Whilst Wu Yi Fan and Luhan are stuck in a neverending war with SMEnt, Tao has taken to setting up his own one-man company.


Tao, the last Chinese member of Exo to act out, has learnt from his brethren. He watched Kris (Wu Yi Fan aka WYFan) leave after much trouble with running away; it was pretty much expected for him to leave, and yet, it was still very poorly received from fans. He also watched Luhan follow in Kris' footsteps, probably the least likely member the Exo-Lunatics thought would leave, but the fans were okay with it, because it was Luhan, and Luhan is a pretty boy. Unlike WYFan. And then Tao was left with front row tickets to the Lay x SMEnt business. While nothing really happened, Lay pretty much said he would always stay with EXO, so if he decides to turn around and leave, he's fucked, he dug his own grave, he's trapped in the corner. Exo-Losers pretty much hate Lay from what I can see. So we're left with Tao.

Proving himself to be the smartest of his Chinese members, Tao recently had negotiated with SMEnt to chill and do his own stuff independently without any association with his group while skipping the current "Love Me Right" promotions. He even did that video game promotional thing where there was no mention of his group. And now he's announced he's created a one-man company (Why is it a one-man company? Like what is the point of that?), without really notifying SMEnt or anything. So really, it's the equivalent of this:


He's a trooper all-right. The legend himself. Tao. So now he manages himself pretty much and is able to continue his activities in China, unlike poor little Lay who is just trying to live in peace. You should really idolize Tao for this. I idolize Tao for this. Shout out to Tao.

Whose Bewbs Are These? [QUIZ]

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Objectification seems to be trending in Kpop these days as we all can clearly see, bewbs and booty being a pretty big part of it. And that doesn't look like it's gonna change anytime soon. Once upon a time it did bother me but now, well, who gives two fucks anymore? A lot of people. I'm just not one of them.

So, moving on. Think you're well endowed in the world of Kpop boobies? Time to test your knowledge! Take the Quiz and share your results (if you're not a pussy). Though I'm not too sure if getting a high percentage is a good thing or a bad thing really.


Also, IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT! The results for, "Which female idol would make the best pornstar" are finally in! As (somewhat) expected, Hyuna takes the win with a whopping 47% of the votes and Ga In comes in second place with 23%. You can check out the  full results here if you want to.

And remember folks, fap safely!

I am Addicted to "Sixteen"

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If you haven't been keeping up, "Sixteen" is the survival show for JYP's upcoming girl group, Twice. I told myself I wouldn't watch the show. However, I like nugu groups because more often than not, they tend to release better songs. Since Twice will be under JYP, as long as JYP himself produces the songs, Twice is bound to have some good songs.




Team Tzuyu and Team Mina all the way.
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