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Kool K-Hip-Hop Krews Part 1: Just Music

June 17, 2015, 7:00 am
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What with "SMTM4" starting sometime in June (I have no idea when. I don't care that deeply), I figured that I should do a K-Hip-Hop related post, not least because it has been not a pop song, but a rap song that has attained my "best of the month" accolade twice this year now. Korean rappers often act alone, but they secretly move in squads. So I thought it a good idea to write about a series of these squads over a series of posts. Let's start with objectively the best group so this post series doesn't start out by hurting too much.


Just Music


Created by the most charismatically obese man in all of K-Hip-Hop, Just Music are the INLA to Brand New's IRA (holla at all the Irish readers) in that they split off when Swings decided he wanted creative control or summat, I don't really know the deets and don't particularly care because I'm not here to talk about whatever the fuck Rhymer is doing over at Brand New; instead, I'm telling y'all about the deformed, and better, cousin of Brand New. I will get to individual member introductions, but there are a few things worth noting first.

1) These guys make really great music (see above) thanks in no small part to the stellar production work that often features on their tracks.

2) The mixtape is really fucking good.

3) They want to suck Kanye's dick.


So now it's time for me to tell you who's who so you can pick a bias to send little presents to or something. Let's do it in the style of a profile page.

Swings





Name: Moon Jihoon
Role: CEO, self-proclaimed "monster of rap," Bulldozer (wtf does that mean?)
Known affiliates: Yoo Jae Suk (hip-hop cred through the roof), Thirst E, Brand New Music in general; he left them to form Just Music (an objectively better crew)
Why the fuck you should care: He's pretty huge (in more ways than one huehuehue let's get the fat joke out of the way) and is considered a king of punchlines, but I don't get most of them because I am a filthy monolingual piece of shit. To be fair to the guy, his flow is solid, and at the very least, he believes in himself, which is something I guess.
Choice cuts: 


Vasco




Name: Clarence McVeigh
Role: Hot dad
Interests: Wasting the talents of JM's producers to rap over trap beats, getting married, getting divorced, gaining respect wherever he goes
Known affiliates: Shannon (hip-hop cred through the roof), Bobby, loads of random underground geezers, his own damn son
Why the fuck you should care: As you can see from his instagram, he is currently sporting some truly amazing hair. More importantly, he has been rapping for at least eight decades, which means he has smoked more weed, fired off more pieces and fucked more tricks than any rapper around. The truest street cred in existence.
Choice cuts:

We Own It (feat. CJamm, Kid Ash, Odee)
Nobody 2 Somebody
Karma (feat. Im Seonghyeon)

Giriboy




Name: Zing de Twing
Role: Hot son
Interests: Starting shit, Being a disappointment, Being unreasonably attractive, Having no sense of self decency
Known affiliates: Jang Hyunseung (hip-hop cred through the roof), Mad Clown, Jooyoung, Crucial Star, Tablo (Tablo wants to fuck him)
Why the fuck you should care: Despite being the ultimate disappointment on "SMTM3," he retained high levels of popularity, especially among female fans that wanted to fuck him raw. He is a rapper who can also produce and has dabbled in JM production (we will get to the best producer later in this post, never fear) and his voice is kinda clean I guess. He also says "twerk" in a really funny voice in this song. That's funny, I guess.
Choice cuts:

Take Care of You
계획적인 여자 (feat. Gganmo and Zico)
0 (with Mad Clown and Jooyoung, feat. No Mercy)


CJAMM




Name: Park Jinyoung
Role: The sane one
Known affiliates: My friend who met him (hip-hop cred through the roof), BewhY, Lazy Bones, Keebo, J-Zo, Eumko
Why the fuck you should care: Honestly, CJAMM is probably the best rapper on Just Music, and he is also the youngest so can keep getting better while the rest will simply rot out of old age. CJAMM will emerge from the rubble and repopulate society because he lives on Sexy Street, which will be the inevitable convening point of all of the attractive ladies with whom he will procreate.
Choice cuts

믿어

천재노창 [Genius Nochang]




Name: Sir David Attenborough
Role: Best producer in the game
Interests: Fashion, Being involved in the best photo ever, fapping to pictures of CL (see above)
Known affiliates: Bora (hip-hop cred through the roof), Junggigo, Tablo, Dok2, The Quiett
Why the fuck you should care: He is my favourite member so that clearly shows that he is objectively the best. He has produced the best beats I have ever heard come out of k-hip-hop, he makes my dick hard, and he would fit right in here as he also likes to fap to K-Pop idols.
Choice cuts:


Blacknut




Name: Dok2
Role: Wildcard
Known affiliates: Seulong (hip-hop cred through the roof), Jooheon, Beenzino, Zico
Why the fuck you should care: Have you not seen the previous evidence? This guy is fucking hilarious. I refuse to dignify this with anymore explanation.
Choice cuts:


_______________________________________

I was gonna include another crew but this post is of a decent length and the other group had eight members, which would have put it beyond most people's attention span. I will try to write up a post for them later this week, why not? They are a significantly inferior group to your K-hip-hop gods that I have introduced to you today. Until next time, sweet readers.



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Hara Poses For Cosmopolitan

June 17, 2015, 6:22 pm
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Words and shit.




I am loving Hara's DGAF attitude. More female idols need photoshoots like this. This rivals Jessica's photoshoot from last month for the best one of the year.
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AKF Survey

June 17, 2015, 6:40 pm
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Take the survey here.

HYSF is on vacation, so I'm temporarily filling in for him (plus I'm a little burnt out on studying, so I could use the short break). Since I've largely been gone this year, I want your guys' feedback.
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Best of the Worst: June 18, 2015

June 18, 2015, 8:32 pm
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This week in bad kpop, we've got excessive aegyo, an idol sparking fan wars and two separate items that somehow involve Zico.


Zico and Hyuna — the devil's OTP

  • G-Dragon causes massive pantie bunching when asked what differentiates Big Bang from groups like SHINee and Exo. Apparently pointing out that BB makes their own songs is a real sore point with some.

So much to say, but I ain't got time.
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Kpopalypse’s 8 steps to iljin success for losers like you who should probably be killed

June 19, 2015, 9:38 am
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K-pop fans will probably already be familiar with the term iljin (일진) - a Korean word for young people who prioritise fun, positivity, social skills and being sexy over lonely boredom and pointless, soulless drudgery.  Iljins aren't interested in studying 624 hours per week, crying into their pillows every night about their lonely boring futureless existence and whining on the Internet every two seconds like most people you know, but instead channel their many positive qualities into their productive future careers as highly successful businesspeople and celebrities.

hyominiljin

Are you, or is someone you know a complete loser who could use some assistance and advice from someone who isn't failing at life?  Have you ever wanted to know how to embrace the positive side of existence and become a stunningly charismatic, successful and fun-loving iljin that Korean netizens are rabidly jealous of?  What amazing trufax can we learn from these living, breathing success stories?  Wonder no more as Kpopalypse takes you through the 8 steps to iljin success!

Of course, the successful life of an iljin doesn't come easy!  Nothing is ever achieved without hard work and determination, fortunately Kpopalypse is here to break down the important steps of becoming an iljin so you too can one day achieve your dreams of not being a complete waste of oxygen!  Just follow these tips!

1.  HANG OUT WITH FRIENDS

mink2

Here's some photos of Kang Minkyung back in her school days hanging out with friends after class and having a good time.  When these photos were leaked, Korean netizens were horrified - how dare Minkyung have a party with friends after class while they stayed home and studied!  However netizens need to realise that recreation is important, studies have shown that taking time out of one's busy study schedule has several positive benefits such as a more relaxed mental state and less predisposition to slit your own fucking throat.  Having some relax time with her friends certainly didn't hurt Minkyung who went on to join stunningly successful k-pop duo Davichi and release a whole bunch of hit songs.  You'll probably never reach Minkyung's level of success, but if you start incorporating hanging out with some friends into your weekly routine now maybe you'll be about 4.72% less of a fuckhead at some point in the future, so why not try it?

2.  PARTY IN NIGHTCLUBS

partycopy

Wonho from Monsta X pictured above knows all about the iljin life and that naturally includes partying in nightclubs.  It's worth practicing how to party in nightclubs, because you wouldn't want to have a social situation like partying in nightclubs sprung on you at some point later on in life when you least expect it, leaving you feeling awkward and not knowing what the fuck to do with yourself.  Parties can be difficult for even experienced partygoers like G-Dragon due to the enforced, artificial nature of the social interaction.  You may find yourself in need of some social lubricant to help smooth things along, so why not...

3.  DRINK SOJU

iusoju

IU thinks that you could use a refreshing drink of soju to loosen up a little, and you probably could, you sad pathetic loser piece of shit.  With a common alcohol-by-volume ratio of 20%, it's not too difficult to get fucked up and forget about your worries like how to behave in awkward social situations or whether you'll pass that exam about that subject that you don't care about so you don't have to repeat the same boring shit next year.

4.  SMOKE CIGARETTES

cig copy

Wonho from Monsta X also knows all about the joys of tobacco.  Sure, cigarettes make you smell like a homeless person and they have a bad reputation because of that whole link to lung cancer thing, but don't worry!  If you do get cancer from smoking it probably won't be for at least a decade or two, and in the meantime there's some surprising health benefits.  Since you can't smoke indoors legally in most places now, you'll have to go outside a lot to be a regular smoker, and heaven knows that today's young people could use a bit of extra sun and outdoor time away from their computer screens.  Enforced time outdoors also means that you might meet other people and strike up conversations!  Advanced socialising with these other people also increases the likelihood of opportunities to...

5.  ENGAGE IN SEXUAL ACTIVITIES

hyom1

No, I'm not talking about fapping (for once), but sexual activities involving another human.  I know this may seem a scary proposition to many of you, but while solo sexual activity is certainly fun, sex is ideally experienced as a two-person event.  Don't worry about pregnancy, condoms never break if you use water-based lubricant and don't get your dirty disgusting unclean fingernails all over them, and there's no point using religion as an excuse for not fucking as every religion is basically just a thinly-veiled instruction manual on how to put hot throbbing dicks into gaping wet cuntholes.  Your idols are definitely doing it, so why not join in the fun?  If you're lucky and your iljin skills are high you might even get some cigarettes out of it.

6.  VISIT COOL WEBSITES

Hyosung_2 copy

In this connected age even the most active and successful of young people still get on the Internet occasionally, but with millions of sites active, where to go?  Successful iljins like Secret's Hyosung prefer Ilbe, fun-filled Korean humour site dedicated to making you laugh with fun images, thoughtful content and good times.  Did you know that Kpopalypse articles have been reposted to Ilbe?  All the more reason to visit - I guess that makes me an honorary iljin.

7.  WEAR FASHIONABLE CLOTHING

northface474424

Here's one of k-pop's biggest groups BigBang wearing popular North Face jackets, which are all the rage in Korea.  The latest fashion trend favoured by upstanding young iljins, I'm still waiting to find out where I can redeem my iljin points accrued from being reposted to Ilbe for a cool North Face jacket like the ones above, I could use one as it's cold in Adelaide right now.  Last night it was 2 fucking degrees, fuck that shit, it's the iljin life for me, they know how to keep warm.

8.  TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOUR FRIENDS

waybread

Way from super-iljin concept group Crayon Pop didn't take any crap when some slutty skank-whore at her school started slobbering on her boyfriend's knob, she got her posse of 100 Way's Girls together to rip that bitch a new asshole.  Nobody messed with her or her friends ever again, and nobody will mess with you either if you take a leaf out of the iljin manual of sticking up for yourself if someone tries to take advantage of you or the people you care about.  The iljin lifestyle doesn't just teach success, it also teaches upstanding morality and survival skills!


That's it for another Kpopalypse post!  Kpopalypse will return soon with the results of the ass survey!  Until next time, be safe and embrace the 8 steps to iljin success!

cac t-ara-hyomin-4 copy
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Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 79

June 20, 2015, 8:59 pm
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This week's photo comes from Derek:

But wait - there's more! See the full post below...

Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~



This is amazing for me because I am a fellow Canadian. Come find me! I will definitely join your girl group. I can be the leader, or face, or singer, or dancer, or whatever you want me to be. Hell, I will do it all. In fact, nevermind; I don't need you anymore. I will go solo. Stay in your small Canadian hometown. I bet it is in Saskatchewan or something.  

18 years old hey? Ooooh. Kinda pushing it at this point, eh ('eh' because, you know, we are Canadian)? 


This was my absolute favourite comment. Underpants gnomes logic belongs everywhere.

I like how she specifies "basis singing abilities". Truth. 


Wishing you were someone else is the key to happiness, people.


Gold advice, to be honest. The best outcomes in life come from Craigslist. Cars, kitchen utensils, hook ups, missed connections, etc...


Straight and to the point. Honest and blunt. I like her optimism. 


Solid advice by half the posters. The rationality in this one is strong.


If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please e-mail them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to @akf_shinbi, ask them at ask.fm/akfshinbi, send them to ionlylearnedthebadthings (tumblr), or leave them in the comment section below. Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you. Thank you, FISHies!
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KPOPALYPSE presents THE GREATEST K-POP ASS MASTERPIECES OF 2015

June 21, 2015, 5:05 am
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It's been a year since the last Kpopalypse ass post, so that means we're due for an update!  What's changed in the world of k-pop ass?  Which k-pop asses are generating the highest amount of faps?

Hyolsy

The results from the Kpopalypse ass survey are in and it's time to find out the greatest k-pop ass masterpieces of 2015!  Read on and discover the trufax about k-pop ass!

WARNING: post contains lots of high quality GIFS of ass, they take a while to load!

I wanted to do another ass post, but I'm not really an ass-fapping kind of guy, I'm more of a boobs man, that's why my boobs posts are my own selections whereas my ass posts are popular vote decided by surveys.  So I've decided to make the ass surveys a yearly thing and I'll do them at roughly the end of every financial year.  Lucky you, right?

The last time I did an ass survey, I made a huge list of k-poppers and people could tick as many boxes as they wanted, but of course they were restricted to the selections that those boxes represented.  This time I thought I'd try doing it differently, by giving people free text fields to fill out.  Voters got to choose up to five female options and up to five male options, anyone they wanted within k-pop.  This way there would be no problem about people being upset that I left out their fave, a fairly common complaint with last year's survey.  Another common complaint is that I neglected the male asses last time, so this time you could vote for any male ass (even though most readers didn't).

The 2015 survey was carefully designed to prevent bias of any kind.  No lists, images or nominees were included in the survey deliberately, so as not to exploit the "power of suggestion", and also to not unfairly advantage particular k-pop performers.  (The exception was the GIF of Qri's ass that contained the survey link, but I didn't mention that the ass belonged to Qri and I knew Qri wasn't going to be one of the top contenders anyway.)  A lot of people who voted last time voted for ALL the asses (which in terms of poll effect is exactly the same as voting for no asses), so even though I had about the same amount of participants as last year there were less points across the board because the numbers aren't being artificially inflated by people who didn't really care and just liked ticking boxes.

The 2015 survey was also shared in a few more places than usual, because I wanted to get a broader feel for how people felt about ass than just my own readership.  Reddit/kpopfap helpfully agreed to host a link to the survey, and when that happened this changed the results across the board significantly.  Certain k-pop stars who had no showing in the poll results whatsoever under my own blog readership started heavily collecting votes once Reddit/kpopfap got involved, most notably Fiestar's Jei and several members of Hello Venus.  The leaders also flip-flopped several times due to valuable input of Reddit/kpopfap's seasoned perverts.  Thanks very much to them and also to fiddle.se, grey-nim, Perving On Female K-pop and all others who are documenting or fapping to k-pop ass.  This post wouldn't exist without you... well, actually it probably would - but it wouldn't look as good!

The results were completely up to you.  Here they are, starting from the top down, because when posting about asses we always move downward.  The winner of the Kpopalypse Ass Survey is...



#1.  SEOLHYUN - AOA


(2014 position: #22)

Seolhyun didn't make a huge splash last year on the ass radar, but over the last 12 months the influence of the AOA camp has gradually increased and Seolhyun's ass popularity has skyrocketed as a result.  After starting off slowly, AOA's Seolhyun obtained a commanding lead in the survey once the Reddit/kpopfap community fired up their web browsers, but then was overtaken again several times before finally finishing the race ONE VOTE in front at 92 points!  If you didn't want her to win and you forgot to cast your vote for the opposition, now's the time to kick yourself, in the meantime it seems that the pretty asses are AOA!


#2. YURA - GIRL'S DAY


(2014 position: #2)

Yura had a very strong showing which probably will surprise nobody, and streaked into the lead early on in the competition with double the votes of anybody else at one point until Seolhyun gradually caught up.  Even though Girl's Day haven't really been rocking the ass-waving as much this year as previously, there's no doubt that Yura's reputation as a masterpiece of ass has by now been heavily consolidated.


#3. CHOA - AOA


(2014 position: did not chart)


Choa didn't get on the radar whatsoever last year, but AOA's ass-friendly dance routines and rising public profile have changed all that this time around.  With nearly 80 votes to her name, Choa shot straight into the realm of the top contenders with little effort.  Many people who voted for Seolhyun also swung a vote Choa's way, and the gap between her and the #4 position was over 20 votes.  (It's also possible that a few of you meant to vote for Crayon Pop's Choa, that's why in the survey I asked people to also specify the group name, fortunately most of you got this right.)


#4. HYOSUNG - SECRET


(2014 position: #1)


Last year's leader (to the disbelief of many, but don't blame me - you guys voted for her), Hyosung still picked up a strong chunk of votes for 2015.  For someone best known for her boobs, Hyosung has nevertheless continued to ingratiate herself to the world of k-pop ass-fappers to an admirable extent, especially given that good quality ass footage of Hyosung is harder to search up than you might think (because her boobs generally get in the way).


#5. DAHYE - BESTIE


(2014 position: #14)


BESTie are still languishing in nuguland to some extent, but Dahye's ass at least seems to have found recognition.  Maybe the rest of their group will follow closely behind her behind into the mainstream of k-pop consciousness, or maybe they'll continue to languish at the rear, but in the meantime... hey are you even reading this?


#6. YURI - GIRLS' GENERATION


(2014 position: #5)


Yuri has retained her top-10 billing in the ass world as far as the raw data is concerned, but there's a catch - almost everybody who voted for Yuri also included the important caveat "...but I mean the OLD Yuri, not how Yuri looks now, fuck that" or words to that effect.  Should Yuri even be included here given that her poll results are hardly relevant to 2015?  Well, you voted for her, so here she is, along with some GIFs from two years ago because apparently nobody wants to see what her ass looks like these days.


#7. HYUNYOUNG - RAINBOW


(2014 position: #20)


I'm not sure what Hyunyoung did to raise her stakes in the ass game this year.  Maybe it was all that black-swanning around on live stages, maybe their agency finally worked out how to promote Rainbow to fappers properly, or maybe something else, but who really gives a shit?  I'm too busy looking at her in the red dress above to come up with a witty conclusion to this entry so let's just move on.


#8. SOYOU - SISTAR


(2014 position - #9)


With her group being regular high achievers in "best body" polls Internet-wide for many years, Sistar's Soyou now reigns at the top as "the k-pop girl with the best ass in that group of k-pop girls with the best asses".  Maybe her songwriters haven't been able to write anything worth a shit in the last two years, but I'm willing to tolerate all those horrid "Love The Way You Lie" clones as long as Soyou gets to rock tight-fitting clothes on live stages from time to time.


#9. BORA - SISTAR


(2014 position - #3)


Soyou even beat out Bora by a vote or two.  Trufax.


#10. HYUNA - 4MINUTE


(2014 position: #8)


I don't recall Hyuna doing much in the way of showing her ass this year, but I think people vote for her in ass polls for the same reason that people in third-world countries vote for Britney Spears or Megan Fox in beauty polls - she's somebody they know, a recognisable brand name of fap.  They might not have seen a picture of her in three years so they don't know she's all different now, but once you get to that level of brand recognition where Hyuna is at, what you actually look like hardly even matters.


#11. HYOLYN - SISTAR


(2014 position: #10)


Do you know how hard it is to find recent high-quality GIFs of Hyolyn/Hyorin/however the fuck you spell it's buttcheeks?  Harder than the penis of the judge on the right of the below GIF.  Nobody gave a shit about Dasom in this survey by the way.  Poor Dasom.


#12. TIFFANY - GIRLS' GENERATION


(2014 position: #12)


I used to go out with a girl who had a body a bit like Tiffany's.   Seeing her ass rotating in front of my face here gives me memories of when I rotated my face in front of that other girl's ass, and then rotated my dick inside.  Maybe some of you have had similar experiences, it would explain Tiffany's enduring popularity with ass voters.


#13. CL - 2NE1


(2014 position: did not chart)


No, really - how did CL even get here?  Most of you who voted for her also included "I'm not trolling, seriously, check out CL's ass" or words to that effect, and I'll admit that she does seem to have a finely toned rear end... but better than Minzy's?  You folks seemed to think so, and who am I to argue?


HONORABLE MENTIONS


#14. Hani - EXID (2014: did not chart)
#15. Nada - Wa$$up (2014: #7)
#16. Minzy - 2NE1 (2014: #15)
#17. Gain - Brown Eyed Girls (2014: #32)
#18. Jei - Fiestar (2014: did not chart)
#19. Hwasa - Mamamoo (2014: did not chart)
#20. Hyomin - T-ara (2014: #4)
#21. Jiyeon - T-ara (2014: #11)
#22. Krystal - f(x) (2014: did not chart)
#23. Naeun - Apink (2014: #35)
#24. Nicole - KARA (2014: #6)
#25. Jimin - AOA (2014: did not chart)
#26. Uji - BESTie (2014: did not chart)
#27. Sunny - Girls' Generation (2014: did not chart)
#28. Min - miss A (2014: #29)
#29. Hyejeong - AOA (2014: #41)
#30. Eunsol - Bambino (2014: did not chart)
#31. Youngji - KARA (2014: did not chart)
#32. Eunjung - T-ara (2014: #19)
#33. Qri - T-ara (2014: did not chart)
#34. Victoria - f(x) (2014: #18)
#35. Seoyoung - Hello Venus (2014: did not chart)
#36. Nari - Wa$$up (2014: did not chart)
#37. Ailee (2014: #16)
#38. NS Yoon G (2014: did not chart)
#39. Joy - Red Velvet (2014: did not chart)
#40. Minhee - Stellar (2014: #42)
#41. Bomi - Apink (2014: did not chart)
#42. Fei - miss A (2014: #17)
#43. Jaekyung - Rainbow (2014: #21)
#44. Taeyeon - Girls' Generation (2014: did not chart)

MALE ASSES


I wanted to do a proper poll for male asses but you guys mostly didn't vote for any male ass at all, so that kinda fucked me up.  So much for all those claims of wanting male eye candy, I guess that was all bullshit.  On top of that, there doesn't seem to be any equivalents of fiddle.se for men, you ass perverts need to lift your game and start some high-quality GIFfing if you want a proper Kpopalypse post!  For what it's worth, the clear leader was...

#1. XIA JUNSU - JYJ



Junsu and his "duck butt" (what the fuck is a "duck butt"?  I don't even know, but apparently he has one according to JYJ fans) had 59 votes, 20 in front of the nearest competitor, a huge lead.  Rest assured that SM's evil, corrupt influence doesn't extend to Kpopalypse's blogging... or at least, not until they pay me!


Here's the rest down to #13:

#2. Junho - 2PM
#3. Jimin - BTS
#4. Sehun - EXO (if this gets moved to #1 later you'll know the money transfer from SM cleared)
#5. Minho - SHINee
#6. Shindong - Super Junior
#7. Kai - EXO
#8. Rain
#9. Doojoon - Beast
#10. TOP - BigBang
#11. Sungjong - Infinite
#12. Onew - SHINee
#13. J-Hope - BTS

After that there's so few votes per individual that it's barely worth even counting.


Thanks to everybody who voted for this, I appreciate your patronage.  As a bit of bonus content, if you ever wondered how people choose to answer my "Hi!  How are you?  Answer in as much or as little detail as applicable" question that I put at the start of every survey, here's a dump of all the answers from this time around, with some comments by me (in bold text)  Kpopalypse will return again soon, but in the meantime happy reading!

good
average
Seolhyun has the best ass. Hyosung WON'T WIN AGAIN - wow incredible foresight, I should have fucked the survey off and just asked this person!
Health-wise fine but mentally tired
I'm great, thanks for asking.
meh
I'm good. Currently, I'm eating breakfast, watching stuff on YouTube, and am basically doing nothing with my life.
Okay
Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice
Sick and a bit stressed thanks to finals but otherwise ok,thanks for asking. I hope you're doing well :) - Yes I am.
Okay. Why? - why not?
Okay.
i'm ok
Really hungry, but too lazy to cook anything.
Pretty well. And you? - Good!
I'm fine, thanks, and I hope you're fine too - I'm good!
Good! That ass though!
I'm alright I suppose. Finally have inspiration to work on art, which is nice because, y'know, that's what I've chosen to do with my fucking life. Funny because the inspiration came from a kaleidoscope I got at a store. It's a fucking kid's toy but I was like "holy shit I want to draw suddenly". Recently graduated college, don't have a job yet, don't know where I'm going... but I just want to draw, man. I just want to draw. This got long and ranty. My bad. - what can you draw?  Are you good?  Do you want a drawing project?  Get in touch if you do.
Clearly too bored
I'm OK, I gotta pee really bad though.
I am sorta fine
I love how this is the only question requiring an answer in this survey. I approve.
Oh, yeah. Just finished finals, so I'm doing pretty good.
Oh I'm swell thank you very much for asking me that question!
Same Shit Different Day
I'm excellent and how is are you? I just back from my mate's Slayer tribute gig and am spending money in the Steam sale! - I picked up "The Marvellous Miss Take" at the Steam sale, recommended.
I'm really stressed out because I might fail at school! :(
Professional Bullshitter and Human Trash Duchess
I'm good.
yo
Ok
Fine
Hi, I'm fine but you obviously don't give two shits about it -  yes I do, Kpopalypse cares about all his readers and survey-doers!  Glad you're fine.
really happy, yesterday i went to a festival, where one of my favorite bands performed (villagers of Ioannina City aka VIC)here is a song from them, in greek
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QW9pAK3Afk4
they play a mix of stoner and psychedelic rock with the addition of the traditional wind instrument from Epirus , the "klarino"if you liked the song, here is their bandcamp where you can listen to their musichttps://vicband.bandcamp.com/mostly their songs are covers from traditional Greek songs with rock musicif you have a Greek friend in Australia you should recommend VIC to him. - I might recommend to my stoner-rock-liking friends, got plenty of those.  Thanks!
Hello. I'm okay; you're probably fine, too.
I'm good. I'm taking a break from studying.
i have diarrhea
Okay
i'm ass
fine.
okay
apples
I'm great. thanks for asking!
I'm fine and willing to vote ass. That's it.
I'm fine.
fine.
I'm fine.
Get fucked, you skank cunt. I hope someone really close to you, like your brother or your daughter, gets cancer. I hope you have to watch them go blind and shit blood and beg for death. I hope you burn in hell you Aussie nigger faggot whore. - glad you could make it.  Thanks for doing the survey!
I'm aight cheers
Fine
Assy.
I am fine thank you.
okay
Hello!I'm fine today. I'm listening to Nokturnal Mortum right now, "Veles' Scrolls" is an amazing track. So it is not bad. - I can't take this "Nazi Black Metal" seriously when there's a noise in the background of the verse that sounds like Sona's spells in League Of Legends.  They want to be tough badass edgy Nazi kids but they gave away their hands as nerdy trolls who type "ez" in global chat whenever they win a round of Howling Abyss.  If anyone wants a listen, here.
Hi! I'm good! Got an assignment to finish today :D
Quite fine. And you? - Good!
good! yourself? - Good!
ROY IS IN SMASHROY'S OUR BOY
fine
Super stoked to be filling out another KPOPALYPSE survey. How are you? - Good!
I'm hot as fuck! My a/c is broken and its fucking 100 degrees here! - sorry but the asses in this post probably won't cool you down.
I'm good and ready to analyse some nice butts because the rear-ends of idols can be criminally under-appreciated. Hope you're doing good too.
fuck off cunt, and you? - Good!
good
tfw no k-gf - I'd pass on that opportunity even if it was offered.  All the Korean girls I've met all want to get married and have kids, eww, I'll take fuck-society's-rules western girls thanks.
20
Aight
..
Im great.. have a little bit more of kpop knowledge and Im exited to share
Fuck off with this question already, you wanker.I'm well though, thanks.
It's midnight on a Sunday here and I'm filling out a survey about the asses of celebrities that are thousands of miles away for a blogger that lives thousands of miles away. The wonders of technology.
I'm fantastic, thanks. How are you?
Hey! I'm okay, how about yourself?
Tired and exhausted but its summer vacay so im excited to sleep.
High.
hi kpopalypse oppa, I'm doing not very well these days but it's okay *keep rolling*
how about you? have you recovered from your accident? - mostly, yes!  I'm seeing the doctor tomorrow because my arm is still a bit fucked (a van's bull-bar will do that).  Other than that, recovering nicely!
my life is a joke, i'm taking a survey at 3 in the morning, it's fucking pathetic - no it isn't, doing this survey actually makes you 0.036% more awesome.  Thanks for your patronage!
👍
Good, good. Thinking about asses makes one roughly as blissful as thinking about boobs does, as you must know. I have no complaints.
I'm good. I just finished my first semester of college and Aced the majority of my classes. YAY!!! But right now I just came back from the beach and am nursing burned shoulders b/c i was an idiot who forgot to put on sunscreen again after i got out of the water and then laid down on the sand to read for half an hour. But aside from that i'm great hoping to enjoy the rest of the week as I have to return to school starting thrusday :(
I hope you are doing well and listening to new Kpop music so that you can do another best/worst list as i am too lazy to search the depths of the internet to look for new music to listen myself. Love your writing and thanks for educating/entertaining me every once in awhile. - no problem!  There might be one more list like this before the end of the year... or there might not be.  But when the year ends you'll get several!
Hi
absd
Melbourne's winter is cold as f can't sleep at night without my heater pad.
im fine. just want to vote on some butts.
I'm good
Totes fine.
cao ni ma
I'm just here for ass
Enjoying this weird ass summer weather and 8pm sunsets, how 'bout you? - I'm good!
Fine, thank you for asking.
i am cool
Yes
Fine
34
ASS
suffering from math
Been traveling for the past week, feel like shit
Hi
I'm fine... How are you? I'm super excited doing another survey... But knowing this time it's about ass, well I gotta say it lessen my excitement.. But bring it on!!! - I'm good!
Cao ni ma
Alright. How you doin'? - Good!
I felt like talking about ass, so this survey is just right.
Wanna fap
Tired
Great. No job tomorrow so I'm losing time.
Just peachy!
So-so (at picking out good ass, but I'll have a go).
Meh
Hi.
Alright my dear Oppar, quite alright indeed.
I'm good. lol
I am well.
I'm fine. Thank you.
I'm in need of a pussy - here, you can have mine.
hi. i am fine. sure.
25
👍🏻
Good
horny
Good thanks, you ? - Good!
great, thanks!
im aight
Good.......
Doing pretty darn well.
okay
great
fuck you
hi
good
Alrite
Well I'm not a faggot bitch, so I guess I'm pretty good. - someone who is a faggot bitch might be doing alright too though.  "Gay" used to mean "happy" so we can assume that gay people are generally happy and enjoying life.
High
Never talk to me again - Hi!  How are you?  Answer in as much or as little detail as applicable.
ugh
Great thanks
I have finals next week so it could be better ;f
Stressing over finals
I'm fuckin great man! Life is good!
wat?? i just had diarrhea =\
fine
I'm terrible because I will never fuck Hyosung.
I'm a decent man,I hope.
Good
Meh.
eagerly awaiting heart attack
Good.
hello! yeah mate i'm australian so we are always fucking top. Thanks for asking by the way man, much appreciated. I've been accepted in the army as a soldier so i leave in January so i'm excited. enoigh about me, how are you going? - good!  Good luck and don't get blown up!
Bored
Hey. I'm great. I just woke up with some nocturnal penile tumescence, so I decided to check out /r/kfap. But then, the first thing I see there is a link to this survey. - thanks for your patronage!
good.
ok
Okay, as usual...
Ready to fap to some firm, Korean butts!
i'm fine
Dank Memes
Fine ^__^
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
im good
Sleepy
FANTASTIC BABYYYYYY
ok
beans
hi
Fine. Thank you.
Hi. Doing fine.
I fucking love you kpopalypse, you should come to Finland and have a fan meet. I'd be the only one there, we'd get drunk and do questionable stuff. - I don't drink but I'm perfectly capable of doing questionable things while completely sober so if I'm ever in that area look me up.
Hi
i'm pretty much fine
thanks for asking
I'm fine.
Im fine
Good.
good
-
17
IM HERE TO TALK ABOUT KPOP ASSES. NOT MYSELF, YOU FUCK
doing my nails. so far they look awful.
how are you doing ? - good.  Would a manicure post be helpful?
fine thank you
I am fune
I would kill a baby to lick Bomi's asshole.
Really good!
good.
I am great, thank you for asking you big sweetie!
great. cant wait for the result ppst
Tired af
I like that you ask this in every survey
Searching for new fap material
I'm great. How are you my lovely? - Good!
I'm pretty good
99
Good.
I'm doing just fine
Will do.
Peachy
Hello, I am not the most knowledgeable person in that matter, since I only got into kpop girls about a month ago, but I love their asses more than anything in the world so why not vote
About to take a survey on Kpop ass, feeling appropriately excited.
Whatev
Great, thanks!
it's 2 am and i am procrastinating so badly about writing my anatomy essay that i am literally convincing myself that this is a necessary form that i have to fill out.... -.- thanks for asking.
Decent. How are you? - Good!
How is it that I am? By coming into existence, of course. - Woah.
Ready to fap
Fine.
Hey, I am preparing for my final exams to get my Bachelor's degree, so now is a perfect time to evaluate some asses. I hope you're doing better!
good
i'm ok
Fuck you
I'm good how are you? - Good!
I am kind of depressed tbh - I hope this post cheered you up.  If not, try this site.
Feels great, would love to fap to some ass though
Hi, I'm fine, thanks. How are you? - Good!
I have to go to the wedding of a relative I hate but I look hot as fuck so the positive outweighs the negative. - most marriages end in divorce these days so think about that while you're sitting around waiting for the formalities and you'll enjoy it more.
meh
Gr8
I am wonderful good sir.
Fine, since Hyuna's b-day had pics.
Good
Great, after all this survey is about ass.
good
I'm pretyy good
Fine
-
I'm fine^^ Here to help you in this difficult mission^^
I'm good.
I'm good.
Hi! I'm great, how are you? - Good!
All good, reading your blog with a cup of tea
i want to die - don't die, there is ass unfapped that you may not have fapped to yet.
I'm okay.
Literally fab n all, urself? - Good!
Bleh.
I'm GREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAT like cheese. how are you? - Good!
Hi, I'm fine
Tired as fuck.
Fine.
I'm fine lol.
Not unwell
Real good, thanks!
everyday i wish for death to come - it'll get there one day, just like it will for all of us.  In the meantime don't think about it so much, enjoy life and fap to ass.
how.high are you? - od!Go
I'm gr8 m8.
Bad.
deez nutz
i'm bored af
Fine, how are you? - Good!
Alright.
Pretty good.
fine, thanks
Not bad, not bad, a bit better after thinking about what to answer for this survey
Im doing fine, thanks :)
Fine
IDK
good
Great and ready for another survey
I'm sad because lack of fan girl rages. - the comments on this article may help!
good
i'm fine thank you and you ? - Good!
Plz notice me oppar - you are officially noticed by Kpopalypse.
I'm good. All about dat ass.
Ok
I'm disappointed from last year's ass-ignorance and I know the winner is gonna be another flat-assed chick, but hopefully this year people understand that nice thighs and pretty face=/=a nice butt. - I wouldn't be too hopeful about that if I were you.
Yes
Other than the migraine, I'm pretty good.
Hello, I'm eating spicy noodles!!
Haha I like how only this box is required
Kinda sick of studying, but fine overall.
Good. Possibly mentally unstable but otherwise good
Stressed
I'm OK. How bout you? - Good!
Fuck.
I'm super thanks for asking!
hmmm
...
Good
Good
Fine, A bit Sexual Frustrated on Girl Groups Esp. APINK ;A;
i'm good got a boner though.
good
Heavily medicated for your safety.
Hi, I'm okay 👌
Meh
Meh.
great
K
.
I'm doing great. In Korea right now but MERS is around and people are assholes who don't go to the hospital when they're sick so I'm stuck inside.
I HATE PENIS
Fucking hyped because I love ass
i'm so high and eating chips
Hi, Im here to vote Kpop Bums
Fine.
Fine.
Who are u asking me such question? - I'm Kpopalypse.  Who are u giving me such answer?
Okay
fsf
I'm fine, I think. Is it really matter?? 0.o - Yes!  I think it's important to be self-aware and know how you're feeling at any given moment.
That's none of your buisness. - no, but it's certainly my pleasure.
I'm sick.
ass
HORNY AF
Doin' a-okay.
I'm fine, thank you.
((:
I am fine oppar :D
I'm fine, thanks! Happy to participate in such a important survey <3 - thank you for you valued contribution!
I'm cold, thanks, and you? - Good!
kinda upset you made this required - in time you'll recover.
W
Stressed and drinking coffee. Might pull an all-nighter to play League of Legends and listen to KPOP. Life is good.
I'm weird. I broke up with my bf and now I kinda want to be a slut but kinda not. I already slept with a guy and kissed a beta loser top kek. And I'm on summer break so I have nothing to do. Should I whore myself out? Advice me, senpai. - you can make a lot of money really fast whoring, but it's super-easy to spend it just as quickly.  If you decide to go down that path, get an investment account and bank 50% of your disposable income, then later in life you'll be able to afford a house deposit and you'll be pretty well-positioned financially.  Also, try not to get involved with any brothels that have organised gang connections because some of them will kill you if you try to leave, use reputable brothels only, they're usually the ones that are run by women (but don't assume this).  Also practice safe sex and don't get pregnant.  You're welcome.
A black female K-pop fan.
fine.
I'm okay I mean I just got dumped yesterday so I'm okay as I can be - chin up, the next one is always better.
ass
Currently reading your blog while taking my third dump of the day. Life is good.
are you doing a survey for best boobs? because i'm not into asses either lol - I don't do boobs surveys, as a boob pervert I just judge the boobs myself.
I'm fucking awesome and so are you, oppar
thirsty
I just gained 5 kgs in 3 weeks, I have 2months vacation left. So how do you think I am? - you're great!  Enjoy your two months!
Pooping guy, back again.
Carpal tunnel kickin' in strong but pretty okay
was thinking of 2pm playfully dry humping my face while i try to suck him off through the fabric of his pants.
Fine, I guess.
fine
Hi..
k
Yes.
I'm okay, thanks bro.
I'm great actually. How are you? - Good!
My cat, both parents, turtle, dog, mistress and grandmother have all just died, my house has been foreclosed and I am spending the last of my money on internet bills to do your shitty survey. - thanks for taking time out of your day to do this survey!  I hope it met required standards!
Still fapping :)
idk cao ni ma
I am a burrito. Thanks for asking.
Hi there
I'm good.
I'm good.
Hi
as fine as eunjung looks
Tired
Hell-oh, doing well, thx breh. I just finisished fapping.
gut
Ok
I am fine.
Hi I'm great :D
Assmazing
yes
I'm fine..
Wonderful
Soso
Soso
Im okay thx
Yes.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VvrCBHmsTG8 Hello - I opened the window, and softly whispered out
How are you? There's no one here, I'm alone in the room
Mornin' - The morning's come, a morning of pouring rain
Tick-tock - Somebody, wind up my coil...Hello - In an old anime, that was how it was
How are you - So enviable, everyone being loved
Sleepin' - Don't say anything stupid, I have to prepare
Cryin' - To hide the traces of my tearsNow...My favorite phrase is "fine, who cares"
Suddenly, yesterday's words come to mind
"Well, I don't have any hope for you anymore..."And well, but, I...
I don't have any hope for myself,
But just what did you mean to say that for, I ask?Words have come up to the throat,
But all that comes out the mouth is lies
So today, once again, I'm precious
Wasting my words, I live on...
Why hide away, I ask?
Is it so scary to laugh, I ask?
Do you not want to see anyone, I ask?
Is that the truth, I ask?
Cast down in a sea of ambiguity,
It's too painful for me to even breathe
Now, I just want to hear the slightest voice
I'm really so weak...
Amid preparing to proceed not at all,
I think in my dim head,
"Should we just take a break from giving reasons to things now?"
No, no, I understand, I say
I just tried to say whatever I could
I understand, so please don't get mad
Happiness, perhaps, unhappiness, perhaps
Equally, cruelly,
The morning sun rises
Just living on,
Me, with all my might,
More than this, what do I wish for...?
Why worry about it, I ask?
Do you really want to be loved, I ask?
Who was it that took away their hand, I ask?
Do you notice, I ask?
If life had a time card,
What would be my ending time?
And the wages for my hours alive...
Who's going to pay them, I ask?
Thank you - I just want to say thanks
Thank you - I just want to say thanks
Thank you - Just once would be fine
So from the bottom of my heart, weeping away, I just want to say thanks...!
Why hide away, I ask?
Do you really want to listen, I ask?
You've never smiled or laughed,
So I ask, can't we try to talk?
If you don't open your mouth, I don't know;
What you're thinking doesn't get told
Such troublesome creatures, aren't we?
It's just being human...
Hello, how are you?
Hello, how are you?
Hello, how are you?
So I ask you: hello, how are you? - Good!
Tired
Peachy
fine ty
w
Hella bored, therefore I could use a poll. College's been driving me insane. Anyways! How about you? - I'm good!
Very exciting with this quizz
Not bad.
k
great.answering without looking at any pictures to remind myself of whos out thereP E R V B O Y S
Which would be worse, a 3 hour flight followed by a 2 hour gap, then a 9 hour flight, or one continuous 12 hour flight?
God, I hate planes. I don't even care that they allow human beings to experience flight and travel thousands of miles in a matter of hours, with regard to neither land nor sea, nor whether it is night or day, all while being served honey roasted peanuts by pretty women in nice uniforms. They would have been considered miracles a century ago but I just plane (huehuehue) hate them. It's been 17 hours since the flight ended but I still feel like shit.Also, seats in planes and buses have the most annoying headrests. You can never lean your head back, or even just have it sit upright. It's always at an almost-90-degree-but-not-quite angle. Like I don't care about neck injuries, I just want to be comfortable enough to get even a couple hour's worth of shut-eye on a 9 hour flight. - bring one of these, they'll help you sleep on the plane.
I'm wonderful and womanly.
Hi, Ï'm a thighs person but I'm seeing a new light thanks to this survey
I'm good thanks for asking.
I'm great, thanks for asking!
Good
Cool, waiting for the summer girl group fapbacks
Hungry.
hi
I've answered this question so many times but I STILL DON'T KNOW
Terrible because my sister is making me watch a stupid reality tv show about rich kids in Beverly Hills. What about you? - I'm good!
.
Fuck off? -
Fab
Lady, 18, former shitty fangirl. Takes butts very seriously.
Victor Hugo de Peru
fine
Like an arse.
I'm alright.
Hi. My summer is slowly slipping away and I'm freaking the hell out... :) but all right I guess. - don't freak out, take each day at a time!  Enjoy life!  Fap to ass!  Live your dreams!
Yes.

hjy10
↧

Fapcams Madness 1: "Up&Down"

June 21, 2015, 10:00 am
$
0
0
Right now, the famous Hani fancam has more than 14 million views, and almost every k-pop fan has seen it at least once. Thanks to it EXID shot to stardom, so let's watch it one more time:


Finished fapping? Then allow me to explain what this series is going to be about ...

1. I'll take one k-pop song (recent/famous one) and find as many fancams of dance covers (more or less "professional" ones, no double entries for the same person), watch them all and choose the 10 best.
2. From those 10, I'll try to choose the best one (using scientific methods, of course) when it comes to fappiness.
3. Everything will be objective and scientific (at least, I'll try).
4. At the end of the post will be survey in which you can let me know which one was the best in your opinion.

Let's begin the search.



... after going through ~30 pages of YouTube results, watching 100+ fancams and fapping for God knows how many times, I have finally chosen 10 best fancams ...

So, let's start!

10. Yucheong (유청) from dance group Six Bomb (식스밤) [150429]




Choreography:

Nothing special, unfortunately, but still not that bad, though they need to practice "booty shaking" :3

6/10

Outfit: 

Less is more, and in this case, less skin exposure is great thanks to yoga pants and a tight shirt, plus pantie lines are always welcome ... on a side note, those shoes "that's no no"

7/10 


Dancer: 

Body: Looks very nice, although modest when it comes to ass, and I suspect heavy push-up, but "determination" is also important.
7/10

Face: With that kind of face, she would fit nicely in G-Friend: fresh, young, innocent and looks natural.
7/10

7/10

Fan service:


Well, she looks happy and smiles to the audience, but except for that, there's not much going on when it comes to the "fanservice" we like.

6/10

Overall rating: 

6,5/10

9. Jini (지니) from dance group Rose Queen (로즈퀸) [141225]



Choreography:

Nice, but synchronization and keeping tempo aren't her strong suit. The same goes for booty shaking.

6/10

Outfit: 

Kinky Santa's helpers are a great choice, and the whole outfit is great overall.

8/10 


Dancer: 

Body: Nice and fit: That's what I like even though it's modest in size.
7/10

Face: Not my thing. She's like a slightly prettier Namjoo.
6/10

6.5/10

Fan service:


Not much to write, nothing really special, but it's not a "boner killer."

6/10

Overall rating: 

6.625/10

8. Sanha (산하) from girl group SUS4 (써스포) [150508]



Choreography:

Pretty much what you would expect from a girl group, clean and nice choreography, so I didn't really have anything to whine about. :3

7/10

Outfit: 

Just your standard "slutty girl group" outfit

7/10 


Dancer: 

Body: That's something unexpected. She has a really nice bottom half: nice ass and great thighs. She reminds me of UEE and Yuri in their glory days (although she still has a long way to go).
8/10

Face: Her face is the main problem ... she looks like the ugly child of Hyeri and Junghwa.
6/10

7/10

Fan service:


You really can tell that she is an idol since you can't whine about her behavior on stage, but on the other hand, you can be sure she just sticks to basics so her manager won't hit her.

6/10

Overall rating: 

6.75/10

7. Hyeri (혜리) from dance group Wait A Minute (웨잇어미닛) [150520]



Choreography:

There's something provocative in the way she dances (not that :3 ), but mistakes in choreo make it futile.

6/10

Outfit: 

You can't go wrong with skin-tight body suits.

7/10 


Dancer: 

Body: With her figure if she would be an idol, k-netz wouldcall her "fat" and act like alittle bitches toward her even if she looks a bit like a chick from some hentai (and for me, that's a good thing :3).
8/10

Face: How old is she? 50?
6/10

7/10

Fan service:


Having fun on stage always helps.

7/10

Overall rating: 

6.75/10

6. Duyu (두유) from girl group Switch (스위치) [150419]



Choreography:

The same case as Sanha from SUS4

7/10

Outfit: 

The leather/latex look makes it great for people trying to get into SM (Welcome to Lee Soo Man's sex dungeons).

7/10 


Dancer: 

Body: I can't really complain about anything. There's booty, boobs, nice waist, abs, you name it.
8/10

Face: I'm quite attracted to her, and it makes me even more upset that Switch is such a flop. ;(
7/10

7.5/10

Fan service:


She behaves like an idol, and I'm pretty sure the way she acts on stage is some way of telling the audience that she's willing to go to motel after hours (obviously not for free since her group is a flop).

7/10

Overall rating: 

7.125/10

5. Choim (초임) from dance group Rosemass (로즈매스) [150515]



Choreography:

Nicely done, no mistakes and ... ASS! Her pelvic/ass skills make everything look better.

7/10

Outfit: 

Typical slutty idol outfit with 4Minute influences

7/10 


Dancer: 

Body: It's really a shame. She's completely fine, nice ass, boobs, etc., but on the other hand, there are dozens of better bodies in k-pop.
7/10

Face: Try combining Sohyun with Seoyoung, and I love the result.
8/10

7.5/10

Fan service:


Love it :D I could fap to it for days and her wet hair, constant eye contact, laugh, sexy/cute faces would never bore me, just like I can watch any fancam of Seoyoung and still be excited like it's the first time.

8/10

Overall rating: 

7.375/10

4. Dahee (다희) from dance group Bambino (밤비노) [150403]



Choreography:

Nicely done, no big mistakes; completely OK

7/10

Outfit: 

Sailor uniforms <3 Uniforms play a big role in sexual fetishes, and that makes this outfit nearly perfect.

9/10 


Dancer: 

Body: Fit and toned, although her booty and boobs are really modest (she has pretty much the same body type as Mina from AOA, although more fit)
8/10

Face: In her group, she's pretty much like Namjoo in A Pink ... and that's not a good thing.
6/10

7/10

Fan service:


Not really great fan service, but still it's something. Most of the time, she keeps a provocative expression, and occasional winks only makes things better.

7/10

Overall rating: 

7.5/10


3. SeonAh (선아) from dance group Two L (투엘) [150319]



Choreography:

Everything was OK, no big mistakes, really nice booty shaking

8/10

Outfit: 

The white shorts and white top were a nice combination with her toned body, and the top can bring some SM associations (leash/collar).

8/10 

Dancer: 

Body: Nice booty and boobs (although they are on the modest side). Overall, everything is nicely balanced.
9/10

Face: Looks nice and reminds me of Anda with smaller lips and a bit more PS (sometimes it looks too artificial).
8/10

8.5/10

Fan service:


Not much unfortunately. Most of the time, you can tell that she's tired/bored/annoyed, but still, sometimes there is a wink/eye contact with the audience.

6/10

Overall rating: 

7.625/10


2. Hadam (하담) from dance group Bambino (밤비노) [150501]



Choreography:

Nicely done, no big mistakes and one of best booty shakers.

8/10

Outfit: 

The black shorts and white top seem too plain, but with her body type you don't really need anything more.

7/10 

Dancer: 

Body: Reminds me of Nada from Wa$$up, which is a good thing. Nice booty, good sized rack and tan are great together.
9/10

Face: Nothing much to write since she's obviously pretty.
8/10

8.5/10

Fan service:


I think she's the best, with many nice faces, winks/eye contact, occasional walks closer to the audience, and you feel that she really enjoys this

9/10

Overall rating: 

8.125/10





And the winner is ...












1. Eunsol (은솔) from dance group Bambino (밤비노) [150529]



Choreography:

This is the best "booty shaking" of all those covers. I'll say that it's even better than the original! The rest of the choreography is also quite nicely covered, without big mistakes.

9/10

Outfit: 

The combination of skimpy top, (really) short skirt with "pantsu" is something unparalleled. 

10/10 

Dancer: 

Body: Pretty much perfect! Nice size boobs, great ass (one of the best in Korea imho), only a lack of waist kind of destroys it.
9/10

Face: Subin and Serri from Dal Shabet combined together, but with less PS.
8/10

8.5/10

Fan service:


Nothing much, but still better than most of others. Nice faces, here and there + some "eye contact" with dirty perverts fans.

7/10

Overall rating: 

8.625/10


Gods are real! This is really the best attempt at a sexed-up version of "Up&Down."


Share your opinion with me!


I fapped, and so should you!



BONUS:

A recording of the Miss Daegu beauty pageant:



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[MV Review] AOA - Heart Attack

June 21, 2015, 10:31 am
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The pretty girls are AOA!

AOA starts off the summer deluge of girl group comebacks, which means that this summer will be pretty fucking awesome.



The MV starts out with the AOA girls sans Seolhyun playing a game of lacrosse. Seeing as how bad the girls got raped in the game, I would say that the team they were playing must be playing for Duke.

During their pitiful attempt at playing a game, Choa gets knocked down by an opponent. He takes off his helmet and Choa falls for him.


Choa definitely wants it up the ass from this guy.

However, once the song actually starts, it shows the AOA members and the other lacrosse team in the same classroom. I know Duke has high admission standards, thus the whites and Asians in the classroom, but did they stop affirmative action because I didn't see any other minorities in the classroom.

Seolhyun is introduced as the new student, and all of the dudes want to bust a nut on her ass.


Later on, Choa writes a letter to do dude she's lusting after, but the rest of the AOA members cuntpunt her, stopping her delcious pussy from devouring any dick that night. The AOA members just wanted to keep Choa's mind focused on their revenge game.

Seolhyun enters the locker room, and instead of having an orgy with the other seven members, the whole group undergoes a montage in which Seolhyun teaches these scrubs how to play lacrosse. So, you're telling me after all of that hard training, the girls couldn't have taken a bath to relax their aching muscles and given each other massages?

We get a sexy montage of the girls stretching in the locker room (this whole scene demands plenty of gifs) right before the game. The game commences and AOA happens to win this time, and the members don't even try to cuntpunt Choa when the dude comes up to her.

"You destroyed his ass in the game; now conquer his dick in bed."


I just wanted to say my waifu Mina looks great in this MV. Now onto the song itself.

I'm surprised I'm saying this myself, but Brave Brothers is on a roll with AOA. The hook and sub-hook are both addictive, and luckily the verses aren't devoid of an interesting instrumental. I like how this is a straight-up dance track that has a faster BPM than what we've come accustomed to in the past few years. Instead of focusing on a heavy bass, the song focuses on a fast, addictive melody. This will definitely be song I see myself listening to a lot this summer.

AOA started off the summer strong. I have zero hopes of SNSD putting out a good song, but I'm excited to see if groups such as A Pink and Sistar can match AOA with this comeback.
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The most important thing I learned from AOA's recent comeback

June 23, 2015, 1:07 pm
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As you should know, AOA  recently had their comeback, and while the song and MV are good, you should really be focusing on the underlying messages of the music video. The most important of these, though, is taught by the very fabulous Choa.



AOA's music video focuses on how the girls use sport (I guess?) to attract a potential partner in life. An important part of most sports is relying on your teammates. So:
When your teammate falls over while playing a game, what do you do? You rush over to make sure they're all right, of course. What's the first thing you should check in order to assess the harm your teammate has suffered? Well, according to Choa, you should make sure her pussy can breathe properly.

/Of course, she's just checking to make sure her favourite play toy is fine, and Jimin is praying that Choa knows CPR/

Thanks, Choa, now I can point out that Choa x Jimin is real - F da h8rs amiright.

After this incident, she then has to spend the rest of the MV trying to get her hetero image back, but I'm onto you Choa. I have a 0.0000000000001% chance now. Don't kill the dreams. Judge for yourselves: Isn't she acting way too hard to get this boy, way over the top.


You can't hide it anymore, Choa.
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Wonder Girls Revisited

June 24, 2015, 12:04 pm
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With the Wonder Girls actually making a comeback, I figured that this would be a perfect time to continue the Revisited series, which I started with SNSD back in 2013. I thought the group was done for, with Sunye focusing on raising her child, Sohee going into acting, and with Yeeun and Sunmi branching out into their solo careers.

Unfortunately for me, I got into the Wonder Girls in early 2009, when they were trying to make it in America. I missed out on their explosive popularity in 2007 and 2008, but when I listened to those songs, I instantly became a fan of the group. JYP changed K-pop with the Wonder Girls, bringing it to its current form and shitting all over the slow, R&B-based music that had been plaguing Korea for over a decade.




Irony

Wonder Girls debuted with Irony in 2007, with the original lineup of Sunye, Yeeun, Sohee, Sunmi and Hyuna. This song is a solid debut, however it is nothing to write home about. This is one of those slow, R&B-based songs that can barely keep me awake. This would be the only single which would feature Hyuna in the group, as she spent too much time swallowing jizz, making her unable to rap for two years.



Tell Me

This is K-pop’s most iconic song and the song that changed K-pop for the better. After this song, more and more songs came out that had a BPM that was faster than 15. The melodies became much more interesting as well. This song’s impact was so great K-pop had “hook songs” for almost three years, in which the hook was usually just a word or phrase repeated over and over.

This song was the introduction of Yubin, who replaced Hyuna. While Hyuna was known as a cum-guzzling skank, Yubin became the semen demon of K-pop. Fun fact: When Zaku wants to pretend he is straight, he faps to Yubin.



This Fool

This was the second single from their first album that the group promoted. As far as I know, no MV was ever made for this song (I couldn’t find one on YT). This is my first time listening to this song, as I never knew WG promoted it. While I find the melody nice to listen to, the instrumental is too bare and the beat is on the slower side.



So Hot

This was my favorite song from WG’s golden years. I love the disco feeling this song has, and the chorus is addictive. This MV was the one that made me a big Sunmi fan because she was really cute when she was younger. Yubin’s rap in “So Hot” flowed much better than her rap in “Tell Me.” I have to give her points for referencing Ha Ji Won in her rap.

This song was covered by Epik High on the radio, though I can’t find the video anymore.



Nobody

Another song by WG that took over Korea by storm. Again, this song has a retro feel with a really addictive chorus. JYP was really on point during WG’s early years when composing their songs. Sadly, this was WG’s peak…because JYP tried debuting the members in America.

JYP took a big risk and I don’t blame him for it. In just two years, WG had easily conquered Korea – there was really nothing else WG could do in Korea. WG could have debuted in Japan (and I wouldn’t have been surprised if they had done better than SNSD and Kara during their peaks in Japan), but that wasn’t a real risk. K-pop was starting to get noticed internationally, and it was a calculated risk to strike while the iron was hot.

WG promoted in America for a year before Sunmi had enough. This was tough for me, not just because Sunmi was my favorite member, but because she was also replaced by…Lim.



Two Different Tears

I hated this song back then, and I still do. This song has a lot of elements to make it good, but I just don’t like the chorus. It’s hard to like a song if the chorus sucks, despite how strong the rest of the song is. I remember WG promoted this song for a week or so in Korea in 2010, and that was it before they jetted off back to America.



Be My Baby

I don’t even remember listening to this song back in 2011. I find the song good, but it’s just not memorable. This song suffers from the same problems as “Two Different Tears” – there’s a lot to like in the song, but it’s missing the oomph that made WG’s older songs really good.



K-Food Party

Did you know this song came out in 2011? I didn’t either. This was an English single that WG released, and like many songs back in 2011 in America, it was some uninspired EDM shit. I like EDM music, but lazy EDM is really, really bad, and I mean bad being bad.



Like Money

Shit. Next.



The DJ is Mine

Also shit. Next.



Like This

After releasing some turds in America, WG came back to Korea and released a song in the similar vain with “Like This”. The instrumental is the same bar repeated for the whole song. This is easily one of the laziest songs I’ve ever heard in K-pop outside of YG’s shit.

And just like that, the Wonder Girls have been on a three-ear hiatus, with Sunye’s status being in limbo after giving birth to a child and Sohee leaving for acting. However, the reason I am looking forward to their comeback is due to Sunmi and Yeeun’s solo activities.



24 Hours

Sunmi came out of nowhere in 2013 with “24 Hours,” which was one of my favorite songs of 2014. Netizens tried shitting on her for not being good looking (okay?) and for not being able to sing, but completely ignored the fact that this song would have been terrible if the vocalist tried to overpower the instrumental. I also like how JYP made the bridge using tango music instead of using a warbled fartfest dubstep break that was popular at the time.



Full Moon

I like “Full Moon”. It’s not Brave Brothers’ best work, and the song isn’t as good as “24 Hours,” but it’s still solid song from him. The only downside to the song and MV are Lena, as I find her repulsive and her rapping equally so. (Luckily she left JYP and isn’t in Sixteen/Twice.)

This song made me realize how hot Sunmi. I always thought she was cute, but she has really great legs and a nice rack for her body type.



Ain’t Nobody

Yeeun hit it out of the park with her solo debut. Though I think I’m one of the few people who liked the song.



We don’t know exactly when WG will be coming back, or if JYP will even produce anything for the group since I’m sure he’ll be busy focusing in Twice’s debut, but I’m excited. Yenny has shown promise as a composer, Sunmi has shown that she can be a good performer as a soloist, Yubin has shown that she is still really hot, and Lim has shown that even people who participate in the Special Olympics can debut in K-pop.
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AKF Survey Results

June 24, 2015, 8:26 pm
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By now, anyone who was going to take the survey has taken it by now, so I wanted to go over the results.


First, I noticed that a lot of readers have poor reading comprehension. There were a few times when we mentioned the changes that would be coming to AKF: here and here. Essentially, we moved from posting every day with short posts with little effort to doing longer, better posts, but not posting as frequently. I thought this was very apparent, but how would I know, as I've been gone for most of the year.

First, I'm going to touch on content that you guys want to see in the future. For the most part, people were content with the variety of articles that we write, but some people had some good suggestions that we'll incorporate if we can.

First, there are people clamoring for more fap articles for male idols. It's never going to be as frequent as fap articles for female articles for a variety of reasons: while this site has more female readers than male readers, this blog is primarily aimed at male readers. There are so many other sites where you can find fap material for male idols. If Fany or any of the other female authors want to do a fap post for male idols, fine, but don't expect it to occur frequently.

Some people suggested that we go back to covering K-pop news, which will not happen unless there's a story that an author actually wants to cover. I've always found those articles to be the most boring to write, plus with the proliferation of other K-pop sites, you can find K-pop news anywhere.

Quite a few people wanted fapcams to come back, and a couple of authors are one step ahead of you guys.

Some people wanted more insight about nugu groups. Luckily, Kaylia already started that series just before the survey came out.

People want more specialty articles from me, such as comics, rap remixes, fanfics, "what netizens really meant", and MS Paint pictures. I'll post those when they would be appropriate to post, and I'm sure HYSF will post more fanfics for people to read when he returns.

People want more MV reviews. There have hardly been any in my absence since I was the only one who reviewed them regularly. I'll try to do more MV reviews, but I will not try to review every MV when it comes out.

People want more STFU posts. Shinbi is really erratic with her posting, and when she officially resigns in the near future, we'll find someone to take over the series.

On a related note, a few people expect every article to be making fun of fangirls. That's not what AKF. It is a philosophy of going against what K-pop fangirls believe how fans should be. AKF is mainly enjoying K-pop how you want to, regardless of what fangirls say. You don't have to like every song from your favorite group, or even like every member. There are a million of other examples of what the AKF spirit embodies.

Lastly, on this subject, I have to address something. There is a loud, vocal minority that essentially wants this site to have every post like Kpopalypse's posts. I'm sure Kpopalypse would agree with me in that would be very bad for the site. I really enjoy his articles, but what makes AKF work so well is the diversity in writing styles and viewpoints. For every one reader that likes an author, there is another reader who doesn't like that author. I'm not going to alienate half of the readers for a vocal minority.

Next, I'll address the responses about my absence. For the most part, people have enjoyed AKF without me being here, and for people choosing "Yes and No," the comment essentially was "I like the new authors, but the site needs you to post again."

For the most part, people like the new authors. A lot of them are new to writing for a blog, so I expect to see the new authors improve over time. Many people are split on HYSF, which is what I expected. I am not going to remove someone who I personally picked to take my spot, so those people can stop asking for me to fire HYSF.

A lot of people are asking for more frequent posting, which is unrealistic unless we add more authors or unless you guys pay me more than what I'll be making at my job. For the most part, HYSF and I will be doing mainly scheduled posts from here on out. He'll be starting grad school at the end of August, and his summer internship is making him busier, which is why I've been back to take over him for a bit. Expect me to be gone for the majority of July, as I'll be in Chicago for training. 

I do expect to be posting a large percentage of the articles on AKF in in the foreseeable future, but I don't expect it to be around 70% like it used to be. HYSF will pick up some the slack, but it's going to be much like how it is this year: everyone else pitching in, especially the new authors. HYSF is much more open to taking risks on new authors than I am, mainly because it backfired on me back in 2011, but with dedicated editors, the quality of the posts from the new authors is better than what we had in 2011. 

Anyway, that's really it.



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Best of the Worst: June 25, 2015

June 25, 2015, 7:54 pm
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Welcome back, everyone. This week, we've got idols compared to Western artists, an extreme diet, and an idol suspected of cocaine use.


No, it's not CL, though her life choices are beginning to concern me.


Who wore it better?


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Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 80

June 26, 2015, 12:00 am
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This week's photo comes from Vani, who found some choice comments on our favourite site, AllKPop (http://www.allkpop.com/article/2014/09/roommate-shares-photos-of-the-next-set-of-roommates-nana-youngji-and-lee-kuk-ju):







Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

How dare this whore Youngji be near Queen Nana on a TV show where they are bound by a contract to work together. That slut might spread cooties to her by being in Nana's space. 

I bet Nana doesn't even like her because Youngji just "got lucky" by being thrown into KARA. There is no real chemistry between a Queen and a commoner. I bet Nana just pretends to be nice to her on screen. But secretly, Nana pities Youngji's awful idol life.

How dare Youngji steal fame from our Queen Nana by being in her presence. Dumb hoe. I hate how people blindly worship Youngji. Only our one and only Queen should be loved and adored. 

But honestly, harugi, "you must be stupid".



If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please e-mail them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to @akf_shinbi, ask them at ask.fm/akfshinbi, send them to ionlylearnedthebadthings (tumblr), or leave them in the comment section below. Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you. Thank you, FISHies!
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Tracking k-pop's musical trends to 2015 - how can k-pop improve?

June 27, 2015, 7:09 am
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Inquiring minds have noticed the lack of quality in current k-pop and wish to know the answer to the following question:

questititit

What does Kpopalypse want to hear in k-pop?  More importantly, will any of it actually happen?  Come on a journey with Kpopalypse as he explores k-pop's musical trends and shows areas for future improvement!

berrylp2



Music fashion in the west goes in cycles.  For example, the soundsofthe1980s were cool in the 80s, then in the 1990s the 1970ssoundsweretrendier, but by the late 2000s a lot of the 80s sounds had gainedpopularcurrencyagain.  The 80s also had a revamped revival of 1950sthemed music, and around 1990 there was also a blues revival spearheaded by John Lee Hooker, who had his original recordings in the 1940s.  Korean pop is no different in that there are fashions that move cyclically, however because Korean pop at the moment is moving and developing very quickly due to the large quantities of material being produced and very high levels of competition, phasing in and out of trends is happening at a much quicker rate than in the west.  Let's look at some musical trends that have affected k-pop and how their influence has waxed and waned over the years.

POSITIVELY-MOVING TRENDS IN 2015


HARD AUTOTUNE INDEX (HAI)
trendaut

The use of hard Autotune in k-pop peaked during k-pop's Golden Age (a few years after it peaked in the west), with songs like Super Junior's "Sorry Sorry", T-ara's "Bo Peep Bo Peep" and most of 2NE1'searlyoutput exploiting the effect heavily.  However no sound fashion trend lasts forever, and while Autotune sometimes does crop up in newer songs, it's generally now considered to be "that sound that k-pop used a hell of a lot a few years ago and doesn't really use much anymore".  Kpopalypse predicts that the use of hard Autotune will remain minimal for the near future - newly-discovered effects tend to spend a few years almost completely out of the sun after they've run past their initial spike of popularity.

VOCALFAGGOTRY AGGREGATION GUIDE (VAG)
trendvoc

People caring excessively about vocal technique died off during the start of the Golden Age but then re-emerged as an equal-but-opposite reaction to the excessive use of hard Autotune in k-pop - people developed a desire to want to hear the "real voices" again (even though this "realness" is actually an illusion) and k-pop labels rushed to cater to the demand.  Kpopalypse predicts that the vocalfaggotry trend will gradually decline due to the same oversaturation that depopularised Autotune plus the fact that Autotune's lack of popularity right now will make the need for an equal-but-opposite musical trend redundant.

NEGATIVELY-MOVING TRENDS IN 2015


FLACCID ENNUI LABOURING CURRENT HIPHOP (FELCH)
trendrb

Rap music has been popular in Korea since the idol wave of the 1990s, however as the rap audience has matured, their tastes have become mellower as they turn to slower, softer songs less likely to cause offence at tea parties or rattle their wheelchair spokes out of position.  This means that rappers wishing to retain their maturing core audiences have softened their musical approach to suit.  Kpopalypse expects that the current hip-hop trend of soft-as-shit weaksauce jazz/R&B infused limp nursey-rhyme beats in hip-hop will hold steady due to Korea's aging demographic offsetting any musical counter-trends.

YOLO EFFECT AND SWAG TRACKING (YEAST)
trendsyol

Horrible yoloswag trapturds in k-pop have been on the increase, largely thanks to highly influential artists like G-Dragon championing the style (which is odd behaviour for someone who supposedly likes Wu-Tang Clan but whatever).   Kpopalypse predicts that more k-pop performers will leap on this bandwagon and that yoloswag will reach a peak before (hopefully) dipping again in a few years time.  This peak will be helped along by the FELCH charted above, as a growing number of new listeners bored by FELCH but also uneducated in the ways of whatactualproperhip-hopbeatssoundlike will consider ratchet yoloturds to be the equal-but-opposing option instead.

NEUTRAL TRENDS IN 2015


RETROGRADE IN MUSIC JAMS OR BACKINGS (RIMJOB)
trendret

There's been a strong current of retro-themed songs in the k-pop landscape ever since JYP proved that he could throw his sound back to 1960sgirlgroups and still create a hit.  Secret, IU and TVXQ all took the retro theme back to even earlier decades along with many others and all achieved success, cementing the "retro concept" as a viable option in k-pop.  Kpopalypse predicts that while it will never be the main focus of k-pop, this trend will continue at current levels.

SYNTHESISER PROLIFERATION ENTERING RECORDED MUSIC (SPERM)
trendsyn

After heavy use of synthesisers and programming throughout the Golden Age, a "real music" trend emerged, with the pendulum swinging back in favour of "real" instrumentation.  Of course, this trend is actually illusory in real terms with the "real" sounds being largely also programmed, but the reason for the apparent shift is that technology has improved to the point where almost all instruments can be convincingly simulated now.   The pace of technological advancement gave k-pop engineers more options to work with naturalistic sounds, however the popular synth noises are now making a slight return and integrating into tracks alongside more natural (but often synthesised) sonics, blurring the lines of what is "real" from a listener's perspective.  Kpopalypse predicts that obviously electronic sounds will see a levelling out in popularity at roughly current levels.

So that's enough about what's actually going on.  What about the trends that haven't hit Korean idol pop in a meaningful way yet, that Kpopalypse would like to see happening more?

TRENDS THAT COULD USE MORE PRESENCE IN 2015


DISTORTED INSTRUMENTS CONQUERING KPOP (DICK)
trendmet

Distorted guitars have been chugging away sneakily in the background of k-pop ever since the days of H.O.T but the closest that k-pop has ever gotten to any kind of genuine heavy metal takeover is when B.A.P debuted and looked like they might become successful consistently working a hard rock/metal idol concept.  Of course this didn't happen because after their firstfewsongs their label insisted that they change things up a little and do some softcockrubbish to appeal to Korea's pussbag demographic.  Sure we've got Pritz now but who knows if they'll stick with the metal thing consistently, and other groups like KARA are really doing metal by stealth instead of openly (using the same sonic layouts but without turning the guitars up all the way).

SUSPENDED HARMONY IS TAKING HOLD OVER LARGELY EVERYTHING (SHITHOLE)
trendsus

Suspended harmony refers to the alternating use of dissonant and consonant intervals in a harmonic motif to create tension and resolution in a manner consistent with pre-Baroque era vocal counterpoint norms.  For those that aren't music theory literate and don't know what the fuck I'm talking about I might bother to explain it in an upcoming post if I wake up one day feeling super fucking nerdy.  In the meantime know that every time I hear suspended harmony used in a k-pop song I nearly jizz myself and each year there's usually one or two really awesome k-pop songs that exploit suspended harmony to some extent (and usually by MBK), but rarely any more than that.  I'll probably get a million questions on ask.fm related to this, to which my reply is - I'll probably post about it more one day when I run out of other blogging ideas and could actually be fucked, until then don't interrupt my fapping rhythm with questions about this thanks.

ANNOYING NOISES ARE LOVELY (ANAL)
trendsus

Suspended schmended, there's one thing everyone with functional ears definitely understands and that's an annoying fucking noise.  Kpopalypse loves annoying noises in all songs and thinks there should be more of it.  However k-pop producers tend to disagree, going down the path of "let's leave a kettle overboiling in the studio kitchen and then sample and loop it for lulz", "why don't we put 20 times more input into this gadget than what it can handle and see what happens" and similar activities all-too rarely.  I guess in lieu of any decent music k-pop idols will have to continue to annoy people with their scandals and non-squeaky-clean behaviour instead.

JIMIN ON CRACK KEEPS SAYING THINGS REALLY AWKWARDLY PLACED (JOCKSTRAP)
trendjimin

As the only person alive who has heard Dr. Dre's Detox, AOA's Jimin possesses the secret rap knowledge that could save k-pop and in fact all music everywhere.  Every time Jimin says "Hey!" on a track or some other clunky line of English, k-pop's future gets just that little bit hotter, fresher and flyer.  It also annoys a lot of people, which is fantastic.  However even these days with Jimin currently working at full capacity with both AOA and rap side projects, her collective output accounts for a tiny minority of all k-pop music.  FNC needs to start outsourcing Jimin's trademark vocals to other companies and besides lifting the quality bar and annoying lots of people who undoubtedly deserve to be annoyed, it'll be a great little earner - who wouldn't pay dearly for a guest spot from the hip-hop master?

jiminsyuyb copy

That's it for this post!  Thanks for reading, Kpopalypse will return!
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BTS do a 180 from 'I Need U' MV-wise with follow-up promotion music video: 'Dope'

June 28, 2015, 6:00 am
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BTS is back with the follow-up promotion for their recent mini-album, "The Most Beautiful Moment in Life pt.1." And while I was hoping for a "Fun Boyz" music video, they at least came back with one of the better songs off the album (Suga's intro already has a video, "I Need U" is the title, and "Fun Boyz" was promoted alongside "I Need U").


"Dope," music video-wise, is completely different from "I Need U." Instead of focusing on a "story" or "drama," the boys enjoy themselves. As is the usual for BTS, this is a "box," cheap MV, as all of Big Hit's money was spent making the title track's music video.
and now. "I Need U"(and original) v. "Dope" (or "Sick," whatever its English name is)

While "Attack of Bangtan/Rise of Bangtan" doesn't have an MV, it was still a follow-up promotion to "N.O" in its own right. And yes, generally, you could say the follow-up songs all have some form of storyline, but it is very minimal. And I really like the way BTS does this, especially with the last two comebacks. They present a more "serious" video first, followed by a laid-back one in which the boys can be seen having legitimate fun — something you don't often see in guy group music videos.

"Dope" lives up to my expectations. BTS is my favourite group, so I find it difficult to find fault with them. Other than the obvious cheap set and the odd occasion of bad editing:


Look at the back of V: the bars in the background. Are you seriously going to tell me that's not a random transparent image from the Internet conveniently placed and given shadows to make it look more "realistic"?

Also "Keine Profite Mit De Miete" in the background of one of the long group shots ... What? Why is it German (I'm guessing it's German because the Es are accented). Google Translate (the most reliable thing in the world) says it means "No profit without the rent."


I don't understand to be honest. The song is about hard work — but what does rent have to do with it? It could mean something like "No reward without working" in which case, I completely understand. But it still leaves the odd question of why it's in German (probably a marketing ploy or something).

Another fault I have with the MV isn't the MV in particular but the choreo when Rap Monster raps and Suga comes in behind him. (Other than the fact it still sounds like him professing his love for anime)


Who even thought this was a good move? Like, Jimin (red hair) is just going insane. The poor boys have to jump down, then quarter up, then half up, then another jump to up fully. Have you not seen the rest of the choreo? Man, it's intense already. And it just looks stupid.

But mad props to whomever let Jimin do this other than the fact he was half lip-syncing to Kookie's part. Why? No. Jimin, please don't take Jungkook screen time away from me. And thanks for putting Jimin in a suit:


And Suga in some form of uniform:

And Jungkook in general:

ALSO

That is all.

While I enjoy the music video, it is a follow-up promotion to a song that I have listened to almost 100 times already, as it was an already released song. And unlike "War of Hormone," this song just isn't good enough to make me want to watch the music video 50 times in a row. But I will keep up with the live stages, because they are performing in suits. And I happen to have a soft spot for suits.


Everything is good in the world. There's like a million girl groups about to/have already released their comebacks, and BTS is thriving. I will patiently wait a week or so for the dance practice video; it will be great. 
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The B Team: Pocket Girls

June 30, 2015, 12:48 am
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What's The B Team you ask?  It's my series in which I introduce you to the girl groups who aren't as popular or well known as there competitors; by introducing you to each member, and sharing their various videos. This week the focus is on 'Pocket Girls' a group you probably have heard of because of that one video that actually got some recognition, but my bet is that you have yet to learn who is who in this group, and exactly why you should be praying for their return.
/Image - Gif heavy/



This four member girl group debuted with the beautiful Bbang Bbang, a song about getting a man out of their lives or something, which is irrelevant because all you're there for is the choreo and the girls themselves. Because honestly, who ever thought of that aeroplane move they synced together, wins my week because holy mother of cows everytime I see it I still laugh. Anyway, the girl group is comprised of four racing models (who have all had some form of plastic work done, which in certain members cases isn't great, but in others is wonderful), and this is their only song. Which again isn't a major hit, but it's not the reason these girls should peak your interest. They're under Danal Entertainment and were racemodels under MissDica Entertainment, and they debuted on the 9th of April, 2015. Not much is on the internet about these girls, I couldn't even find their birthdays, but let's just assume they are all legal in Korea, if they weren't I'd be worried.

Members:
SeA (leader)

So Yoon (rapper)

Yeon Ji (vocal)
 /also x/

JuA (vocals)

Status: Recently over-promoting their terrible song. Although I think SeA has left the group or has fallen ill, as in their more recent videos she is no where to be seen...

They may be plastic, but they do have fantastic bodies

Videos to note


/^starts with a speech feel free to skip it/


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Why did I decide to cover this group? Because I simply wanted to draw focus to Yeon Ji's modelling days. Because I can.

You're Welcome.
I look forward to a comeback if they get one. I hope they don't end up like Chaness who was also under Danal Entertainment. Chaness being a subunit of LPG (Lovely Pretty Girls). They are now just performing in night clubs in Taiwan or something. If they do get a comeback though, can we just all pray for a decent song (or some more T&A at the very least).
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Kpopalypse Nugu Alert Episode 10: The Solutions, Dramatics, Underdog

July 1, 2015, 4:30 am
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Yes that's right readers, it's the return of:

nugu10

Kpopalypse returns yet again with more nugus to entertain you all!  Read on and discover more k-pop nugus to enrich your life!

It's the tenth episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert!  Wow, that means that there are now more episodes of Nugu Alert than Star Wars!  Who would have thought that this series could actually last ten episodes?  Certainly not me - Nugu Alert isn't one of the more popular topics for Kpopalypse in terms of hit rates or comments.  Fortunately, I have high determination levels to keep the series running plus not give a shit what anyone thinks about it.  Just as well for nugu fans!  Let's get it started and check out some nugu videos.

This episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert is dedicated to freaky cheap-but-effective camera filters and effects.  When you're a group that's a little on the poverty-stricken side, just the mere act of getting filmed by a camera is enough to break the budget, there's no extra cash floating around for much in the way of fancy-pants CGI, flashy box-making shenanigans or visits to the auto rental shop to get some sports cars to pose in front of.  In these situations, the solution to keep the video interesting-looking may well be to go up to the editor and say "hey, the video is in the can but I've got to be honest, it looks kinda boring - can you add some kind of cool image effect to this to spice it up?".  Let's have a look at some nugus and their video directors' creative solutions to tart up their low budget productions.

The Solutions - Love You Dear





On the more popular end of the scale, The Solutions probably aren't that nugu, perhaps due to success in Korea or maybe just Eat Your Kimchi pimping them outa fair bit.  They actually seem to have a bit of a following, and you can tell by the relatively high budget look of their video compared with what you'll see later on in this post.  However they're worthy of a spot on Kpopalypse Nugu Alert anyway due to their choice of camera effects and the fact that most k-pop fans reading this probably don't know them so why the fuck not.  You probably all know that trick that film directors sometimes use where they physically move a camera away from a subject while at the same time zooming in the lens as close as they can?  The resulting effect (and its opposite twin - moving the camera up close while simultaneously zooming out) is one of disorientation as the background warps around the subject, and it's often used in film to make a vista in an outdoor scene seem more pronounced, or to show disorientation - Alfred Hitchcock was the first person to use it in the film "Vertigo" hence it's sometimes referred to as the "vertigo effect".



It's a great effect when used in isolation to highlight a scene, but the video director for The Solutions thought it would be a fantastic idea to utilise this effect for nearly half of the entire goddamn video.  The song is actually pretty solid as far as generic pop-rockers go but the visuals are something else - if you can make it through this entire thing without feeling extreme motion sickness you're doing better than me.  By about the end of the second verse shit does eventually stop moving around so fucking much but by then the damage is done and you're probably well and truly talking on the porcelain telephone.

YouTube views at time of writing: 15113

Notable attribute: erratic camera work bounces around even more than Martina's boobs in Eat Your Kimchi's FAPFAP series

Nugu Alert rating: low

Dramatics - You Win





Everybody loves Instagram, it's the social network that gave us the following life enhancements:
It also gave the world great new photo filtering options, although they're not exactly options in the true sense because if you use Instagram you're kinda stuck with them whether you like it or not.  Or at least you're stuck with them between 3:15pm and 3:30pm every second full moon which is when the website is actually running properly.

hitomiinstapy

If it doesn't meet Hitomi Tanaka's lofty standards, it doesn't meet mine, and that's why I don't have Instagram.  Fortunately for those who can't go a day without looking at photos of things with filters on them, the video team behind Dramatics have gone to great lengths to throw Instagram-style filtering across almost every single shot in their MV.  On top of that you get a cute little story about a young Korean couple meeting and learning how to hold hands and think pure thoughts.  "You Win" indeed!  Unfortunately it's all a little bit too true to the Instagram concept, with the song being about as frustratingly dull as when some cute person you have a crush on posts continual photos of their meals instead of selcas.

YouTube views at time of writing: 389

Notable attribute: k-pop drama video dares to feature two of the only actors left in South Korea who (probably) haven't had (much) plastic surgery (lately)

Nugu Alert rating: extreme

Underdog - Zombie Run





It's difficult to find a male idol-style group that doesn't have twenty gazillions YouTube hits, especially given the international fashionability of such things and the ever expanding fangirl race with new spawnlings hatching every second, ready to sacrifice themselves at the altar of oppa.  The aptly-named Underdog seem to be in struggle-town though, with their debut MV collecting only a thousand hits in its first week of release.  Even sadder is the fate of their teasers, which barely scraped into double-digit territory:

underdogte

For once I actually feel like watching a teaser, if only just to make the video editor feel like he didn't waste precious hours of his life making them.  So what happened to Underdog's hype machine?  Sure, the song's pretty bad especially with that ill-advised chorus chant that sounds like a walrus with pneumonia, but it's not any worse than the last few absurdly popular BigBang releases so it can't be the music's fault.  I guess their agency just doesn't have the right connections, but what they certainly do have is some wild blur-shadow thing, some other squiggly-lines-across-the-image thing, great colour-matching skills, and groovy gift-shop face masks.  The best detail of all is the dressmaker's dummy inserted behind one scene for no goddamn reason, maybe it's a prop or maybe the wardrobe department just forgot to remove it, but either way it comes off looking less out-of-place than just about everything else here.  The video is worth a look because why the hell not, and I promise you you'll laugh at the awkward stares from the member with the overdone makeup and the massive freeze-dried emo rooster hair.  If nothing else at least watch the teasers and leave an encouraging YouTube comment for their creator, the poor guy who made them is probably on suicide watch and could use your emotional support.

YouTube views at time of writing: 1009

Notable attribute: at 2:04 one guy gets left leg caught on a prickly weed and keeps on dancing because he's a PRO with high determination levels to "make it" in k-pop

Nugu Alert rating: off the chart


FINAL RANKINGS:
nugu10score

That's it for another episode of Kpopalypse Nugu Alert!  I hope you enjoyed these nugu videos, and thanks to all the folks who have been submitting nugu suggestions!  I often don't reply to those but I do read them all so keep it up!  Kpopalypse will return in the future with more nugus!
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Ailee releases new song - not a comeback

July 1, 2015, 7:00 am
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Ailee has released this seemingly out of nowhere. It's a project song between her and Brave Brothers. Although sadly, it's been stated that no MV will be made for the song, this short version of the choreography was uploaded to her company's YouTube. From what I gather, "Johnny" is a special song that will only be performed at concerts and such, so it's not a proper comeback, more just a special treat. And the song will probably feature on her full length album that is hopefully due in October — at least I hope it does.

If I had money, I'd happily fly to Korea and buy tickets to her concert for this performance alone — it's not just Ailee that's flawlessly beautiful; her back-up dancers are also really hot. Especially the girl with the blue plaid shirt tied around her waist. I really do like this side of Ailee, and I hope her upcoming album showcases more of this sound. The full version of the song is as great as the short cut that's heard in the choreo, and although it's a bit repetitive, it's a really smooth song so it's not boring. 

I'm eagerly awaiting any fancams that hopefully come up of this because reasons.
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[MV Review] Sistar - Shake It

July 2, 2015, 12:00 am
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Remember when Sistar used to release good songs? I know, it feels like it was a century ago.



This has to be one of the worst songs, no, I take that back, the worst song not released by a YG artist this year. Sistar and Starship Entertainment now have inflated egos, and it's to the point where Sistar thinks they are on par with SNSD and 2NE1. Now, this article isn't to verify/deny that claim, but let's take Sistar at their word. With this kind of thinking, they think they can release pieces of shit like "Shake It" and get away with it...because they fucking can, because people only support musical groups on name brand instead of actual music. Knowing this, the labels don't even bother obtaining good songs for their groups because they know fans will eat up any lame shit the group shits out. Case in point, whether or not you believe Sistar is a top-tier group, they think they are, so they are continuing last year's trend of releasing massive piles of cow shit for us to listen to.

My biggest gripe with the song is that the song loops a basic disco tune. I don't think it sounds catchy at all, so it's like they autotuned a cow's fart and raised the pitch. It wouldn't be as bad if this beat was just reserved for the underwhelming verses, but the beat is the same for the chorus. The chorus is one of the laziest attempts at one in the short time I have been listening to K-pop. You know your song is shit when the best part of your song is a shit rap verse from a shitty rapper like Bora.

At this point, BESTie does Sistar better than Sistar, so let's just listen to "Excuse Me" instead of this pile of cow shit.


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