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The Story of a Man who got Fucked Over after Listening to Big Bang's "Sober"

July 2, 2015, 12:00 am
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This song fucking blows, if you really need my opinion on the song. What's new from Big Bang? In before that faggot Unknown complains about how no one here thinks this song is good and somehow brings J-pop into the conversation.

Now let's get to the story.

Andy was excited for tonight. Once a month, his wife would agree to take it anally. He would have to get pegged before his wife would take it in the ass, but Andy thought it was a small sacrifice to make. It was 5:00 PM, and Andy was finally off from work. He pulled out his phone and looked at his Twitter feed. While he didn't really listen to K-pop, he followed the groups his wife liked just so that he would at least understand a little bit of what she liked. He noticed that Big Bang released a new song titled "Sober". 

"Hey, isn't this Big Bang group her favorite?" thought Andy. "She'll probably be happy knowing that her favorite group released a new song." 

Andy pulled in the driveway and saw his wife get out of her own car. Andy quickly rolled down the window. "Honey, Andrew is staying over at his friend's house all night." Andy's wife gave him a smile as she opened the front door. She was wearing as short of a skirt that she could professionally wear, along with a tight-fitting white dress shirt. Andy couldn't wait to tear her clothes off, but he wanted to wait until she heard the new Big Bang song so that she would be in an even better mood. Andy pulled out his phone and opened the "Sober" MV. 

"Honey, your favorite group released a new song today." 

"Really?" she asked. "I was so busy with this latest project that I forgot all about the song. Let's listen to the song. Andy played the video and listened to the song with his wife. He didn't mind it, because he thought the song was going to make his wife crazy in bed. Andy preferred county music because it didn't have any UCAAD influences, so all of the pop music sounded the same to him. He just thought this song sounded the same as the rest of the UCAAD music being produced around the world. Andy looked at his wife and she just had a blank expression on her face. 

"Was she alright?" Andy thought. 

"The song's alright," the wife said. "I'm just a little disappointed. Why the fuck is G-Dragon even singing? His singing is more painful than the first time you tried to fuck me in the ass without any lube." 

Andy didn't think anything of it, and was hoping that the sex would help take her mind off of it. He started aggressively kissing her and ripping her clothes off. He picked up her and took her to the bedroom. Knowing that his wife was going to demand that she peg him first, and took off his pants and plopped onto the bed. The wife started sucking Andy's dick and fondling his balls. After a few minutes, she stopped sucking his dick and started licking his asshole. She did all of this devoid of any emotion, so Andy didn't know what to expect. 

The wife opened the drawer next to their bed and put on her strap-on dildo. She lathered it up in lube and grabbed a hold of Andy's dick. She inserted the strap-on into Andy's urethra and started forcefully fucking him. She wouldn't listen to any of Andy's pleas to stop; she simply kept on fucking for the sake of fucking. Andy was able to push her off, but his dick was now ruined. He quickly called 911, and he was taken to the hospital right away. 

The emergency doctor gave Andy the bad news. "Your dick is unusable. The fucking widening your dick too much, and you will require vast amounts of surgery to fix it." Andy agreed to the surgery, but while he was under anesthesia, his wife killed all of the doctors in the operating room. She took a knife and sliced off Andy's dick and then stitched the hole up haphazardly. Andy awoke to see that his dick was missing. His wife was just there cackling. He wanted to fucking kill her, but she was holding up a piece of paper. It was a divorce decree. 

They held a trial for their divorce several weeks later, and despite all of the wrongdoings his wife did, Andy lost the case because of the faggot-ass feminist bullshit the law subscribes to. Andy lost custody of their son and had to pay alimony and child support. 

The judge looked at Andy. "Do you have any last words?" 

Andy stood up and looked around the room. "Yes. Do not get married, and if you are stupid enough to get married, do not marry a fucking Big Bang fan. Those bitches have to be fucked up in the head to like shit such as "Sober" and "Bang Bang Bang," which are incredibly terrible songs. I made the mistake of marrying someone younger than me just because she was in her prime as far as looks, but bitches that young aren't fully mentally developed and happen to like shitty boy bands that will make them go crazy in the end. If you happen to marry a woman who listens to K-pop, make sure she likes T-ara or any other girl group that consistently releases good music. But seriously, if you're dating anyone under 20 years old who religiously listens to K-pop boy bands, get the fuck out the relationship right now."
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Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 81

July 3, 2015, 12:00 am
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This week's photo comes from Snachel:



Thank you for your submission!

~*~*~

I. Uh. I think there is a reason why those parts are airbrushed. I mean, I am all for showcasing one's true, natural beauty. And I think that the Korean entertainment scene definitely over-Photoshops more often than not. 

I just... I just don't think his acne scars should be considered as one his most attractive features. I don't think acne scars are ever considered an attractive feature really, let alone the most. 

But I mean... okay, I guess. Whatever makes you happy... Definitely an uncommon fetish. No competition for you for getting those boys is all I can positively say for you.



If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please e-mail them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to @akf_shinbi, ask them at ask.fm/akfshinbi, send them to ionlylearnedthebadthings (tumblr), or leave them in the comment section below. Remember your rights on this site: anything you say or do here can and probably will be used against you. Thank you, FISHies!
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Best of the Worst: July 2, 2015

July 3, 2015, 12:49 am
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Despite all the girl group comebacks, great and not-so-great, this summer, kpop news is still somehow inundated with Big Bang bullshit. Namely, people upset at Big Bang.

Now, I understand if Taecyeon is upset with BB, since his group got publicly shat upon in favor of G-
Dragon and the Boyz.

But other BB-butthurt news bewilders me.


One of these things is not as hot as the other one. 

Whodathunkit?
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The K-pop vs Electro-Industrial EPILEPSY MV CHALLENGE

July 6, 2015, 10:24 am
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Kpopalypse returns with a new competition post just for you!  Whether it's about winning an award nobody cares about, getting to #1 on some pointless chart somewhere or coming at the top of some random dicksucking bullshit list made up by some nobodies, it's clear that K-pop fans love competitions, especially ones where they can get involved and vote as many times as they like!  So hopefully you'll also like this post, where Kpopalypse investigates which music genre has the most epilepsy-inducing music videos!

tiffanycomp


Welcome to the EPILEPSY MV CHALLENGE!  Let's introduce the competitors!

In the WHITE corner representing K-POP we have T-ARA.

taragroup 

Known for their consistently catchy feature tracks, outstanding looks, international success, extremedateability and high determination levels, T-ara in 2015 are an unstoppable force among Korean pop girl groups (as the people who have been trying to stop them ever since 2012 have gradually found out).  T-ara are also infamous among k-pop fans as "that group with the music videos that bore a hole clean through the viewer's eyeballs and straight into their fucking skull", the closest thing k-pop has to BDSM for the retinas.  No wonder Whitehouse founder William Bennett is a fan.

In the BLACK corner representing ELECTRO-INDUSTRIAL we have FRONT LINE ASSEMBLY.

flagroup 

One of the founding groups of the electro-industrial genre, Canadian group Front Line Assembly emerged in the 1980s and combined the soundscapes and harshness of industrial music with synthesisers, drum machines and layered samples plus a strong pop songwriting sensibility, finding creative success and international recognition.  They also made a ton of music videos that have probably sent hundreds of people into epileptic seizures and will make you think twice about clicking on a YouTube link for a group you've never heard of ever again in your lifetime.

The challenge for you, the reader - watch the following videos, in their entirety, then vote for each round answering questions concerning your relative impression of their retina-shredding epilepsy-inducing properties and your mental health.  But before we start, a quick warning:

hyominhealth 

ROUND 1: DIFFICULTY LEVEL - EASY

T-ara - Roly Poly (short MV version)





T-ara's trademark fast cutting is in full effect for the video to their fantastic disco-themed feature track, with barely a shot in the entire MV lasting for more than two beats of music (just under one second).  The visual harshness is exacerbated by the gaudy colours and nightclub lighting, however the effect is also softened by the occasional long shot and the matching dance routines between cuts, making "Roly Poly" one of T-ara's easier on the eye videos.

Front Line Assembly - Virus





Front Line Assembly's "Virus" is characterised by long shots of scenes interspersed with frames of other scenes or stills cut in at rhythmic intervals, creating a deliberately jarring effect that complements the song's harsh sound.  The barrage of images is reduced during the song's breakdown where a "synaptic analysis" provides some welcome visual relief, dividing the video into two relatively easily-digestible halves.

ROUND 2: DIFFICULTY LEVEL - MEDIUM

T-ara - Bo Peep Bo Peep (Japanese MV version)





The audio here is from the original Korean version of T-ara's "Bo Peep" but the visuals are from the Japanese MV which included the first iteration of 7-member T-ara.  Extra member Hwayoung's presence here however won't bother anybody, you'll be lucky if you can even focus on her at all during this video's rapid-fire cuts.  At least the colours are consistently muted and pleasing and there's some occasional boob bounce to focus on.

Front Line Assembly - Plasticity





Muted and consistent colours also save Front Line Assembly's "Plasticity" from the realms of complete unwatchability, as do a welcome decision to use fades rather than hard cuts for many scenes.  This is however mitigated by the excessive amounts of lightning-speed CGI graphic overlays, often cut at a rate of 16 frames to each (quite fast) bar of music.  Good luck keeping your eyes focused let alone figuring out what the hell is going on.

ROUND 3: DIFFICULTY LEVEL - HARD

T-ara - Sugar Free (Big Room version)





With over 650 documented individual cuts, T-ara's "Sugar Free" is one of the most notorious examples of their MV editor's aesthetic sensibilities.  The girls may look great but honestly nobody can tell with the cutting happening at this speed. I can't fap to this because although when my cum shoots out of my balls I might be looking at Eunjung, by the time it hits the computer screen it's probably switched over to Boram, and that's just not right.

Front Line Assembly - Mindphaser (original 12" mix)





One of the most innovative budget MVs ever made, "Mindphaser" superimposed members of Front Line Assembly over the action in Japanese mecha film Gunhed, creating a cool futuristic-looking cyberpunk-style video on the cheap.  To make the effect seamless enough to make the group look like a believable part of the action, the MV director colour-matched beautifully - and then inserted even more cuts than "Sugar Free", lucky us.

ROUND 4: DIFFICULTY LEVEL - EXTREME

T-ara - I Go Crazy Because Of You





T-ara's stomping Autotuned Britney-Spears-on-steroids early hit was a full-tilt assault on the senses with a music video to match.  The MV for "I Go Crazy Because Of You" is full of the usual trademark fast cuts, plus strobes and other garish lighting effects that make the group members almost undetectable by comparison despite the fact that they're front and center in every single shot.  Insert obvious joke about the song title being apt here.

Front Line Assembly - Iceolate





Front Line Assembly's "Iceolate" doesn't seem that jarring at first until you realise that half the cuts that have been inserted into the video aren't really even of anything specifically identifiable and then your brain starts gradually turning into mush as it tries unsuccessfully to filter out the superfluous images.  Oh and did I mention the ultra-fast cutting and hideous colour schemes because that's also a thing here.

ROUND 5: DIFFICULTY LEVEL - OH FUCK THIS SHIT

T-ara - Day By Day (dance MV version)





Between all the cutting I noticed that T-ara dance in front of six windows in this video, a hint at the inevitable destiny of the once-8-piece group.  This might seem profound of me but not really, I only noticed this shit because the windows were the only thing I could focus on as they don't reflect the maddening constant strobe lights like everything else.  How the hell the girls filmed this without blinking every time a light went off I have no idea, I'd personally be crying in a corner begging for the strobe machine to stop after a few takes.  I guess it really is a difference in determination levels.

Front Line Assembly - The Blade (Technohead mix)





 If you think a mostly black and white MV might make Front Line Assembly's trademark light-speed cutting more watchable, think again.  The harshness is unbearable plus it's also very repetitive as they recycle the same footage over and over in this clip.  Things don't get any easier with the rare splashes of puke-infused colour.  I don't think I've ever felt any more grateful to be colour blind.  Has anyone alive actually even seen this fucking video all the way through without skipping bits?


VOTING


Now that you've seen all the videos, it's time for YOU to vote!  Click the fast-cutting T-ara image below to cast your vote in the K-pop vs Eletrco-Industrial Epilepsy MV Challenge!

 

After enough votes are cast, this post will be updated with the results!  Get voting, folks!
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"Sixteen" Ends; Twice is Born

July 7, 2015, 5:32 pm
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JYP’s “Sixteen” program aired its final episode today and there has been a giant shitstorm surrounding the show since the MILK voting poll ended last night. Even if you’re not invested in the show and/or the group, bystanders will get a lot of enjoyment out of what happened today.

For those of you out of the loop, “Sixteen” was a survival program for JYP’s upcoming girl group Twice. It has already been five years since JYP has debuted a girl group (miss A). Out of the 16 girls, 7 were supposed to debut in the group. This show was to see which seven members was going to debut. The seven girls were placed in the “Major” group and the other nine were placed in the “Minor” group. There were missions to see which members would trade places, and usually at the end of a mission, someone from the Minor team would be eliminated.

(This is a long post and contains spoilers if you haven’t seen the last episode or read the spoilers yet.)



At the start of the last episode, there were 12 members left, and the 7 remaining in Major were: Sana, Mina, Natty, Jihyo, Chaeyoung, Somi and Minyoung. The five Minor members were Nayeon, Jungyeon, Tzuyu, Dahyun, and Chaeryung.

After both teams performed their songs, it was finally time for JYP to select the members of Twice. Before we get to the actual lineup, this is the lineup I was expecting/hoping for before today’s episode aired: Nayeon, Jungyeon, Tzuyu, Sana, Mina, Jihyo and Chaeyoung.

The first member to be announced to return to Major from Minor was Nayeon, which should have surprised no one. She has the leadership qualities, the looks, the talent, the popularity, etc. Nayeon has always been near the top of the MILK poll, and ended up second. Nayeon replaced Natty, and it was no surprise Natty was eliminated. She’s young and her voice isn’t fully developed. She sounds like a J-idol when she sings. I think she’ll be an asset for JYP’s next girl group, but not this one.

The second member to be announced to return to Major from Minor was Jungyeon, which again shouldn’t have surprised anyone. She has all of the qualities Nayeon has, and has been in the top three in popularity for most of the show. She replaced Somi, which has caused a shitstorm on forums such as One Hallyu.

Personally, I think Somi is ready to debut, but I would prefer that she waits a couple of years. The first is her age, as the laws would prevent her from participating on music shows. However, the biggest reason I didn’t want her to debut now is because she’s half Korean. She will receive a lot of hate for not being pure blooded, and as a fellow half Korean, I know that feeling all too well. Korea prides itself on being ethnically pure (unlike Japan, which has some minority groups such as the Ainu, and China, which has a lot of minority groups.) There’s nothing wrong with that if you’re not a cucked SJW. However, if you don’t fit into the majority, you’ll get shit on. There will be fans saying “It’s okay, she’s a celebrity and she’s pretty, so she’ll have a lot of fans.” Of course she will, but she’ll also receive a lot of hate for not being a pure-blooded Korean, and that’s too much for a 14-year-old middle school girl to take. She’ll be mentally stronger in a few years, look better, and be more talented after a few more years of training.

Next, Dahyun replaced Minyoung. This shocked me for several reasons. Dahyun has lost a lot of her appeal after the earlier episodes, and was just finally regaining it. I have a major problem with her rapping. It is bad, and I mean bad meaning bad. A lot of new idols subscribe to two styles of rapping: rapping with a deep voice and rapping as fast as you can. Dahyun just spits out words as fast as she can with no consideration to the beat of the song. However, I see why Dahyun was added to the group, as her talents lie in variety and attracting fans. If she’s going to be the second rapper of the group, I hope she practices a lot.

After episode 3 I had a feeling Minyoung wasn’t going to make, but being the best singer among the contestants, I thought she always had a shot to make it in. I never thought she was a shoe-in like most Sixteen fans. I feel like Minyoung would be better in a vocal group (or maybe a duo with Jiwon), as she doesn’t seem to have the qualities of an idol.

After this, there were no more switches between the Major and Minor members. I thought it was going to end here and I was shocked Tzuyu wasn’t in. I thought she was a shoe-in because she’s the most popular contestant in Sixteen.

Then JYP made an announcement that two more members were going to be added. “Okay, Tzuyu’s in for sure now,” I thought, and I was right. Tzuyu got in for being the most popular and showing the most improvement throughout the show. There most likely would have been a shitstorm if the most popular contestant didn’t get in.

For the last member, I expected Minyoung to be picked to add another vocalist to the group. However, Momo, who had been eliminated in an earlier mission, was selected by JYP. JYP said that it hurt him the most and it was the most disappointing when he had to eliminate her, but told her that she was someone who definitely had to be in the group and that his A&R team selected Momo to be in the group. I was shocked because I expected Minyoung to have that spot secured after it was announced that there would be two more members.

Now, onto the members of Twice.

Lim Nayeon



Nayeon is an all-around member of the group, who is a visual and a lead vocalist. She’ll probably be the leader. I didn’t like Nayeon much at first, but over time she won me over. 

Final performance fancam.

Yoo Jungyeon



Jungyeon, like Nayeon, is a visual and most likely lead vocalist of the group. I’ve liked her from the start because of her chic vibe.

Final performance fancam.

Park Jihyo



Jihyo will end up being the main vocalist. She’s been in JYP’s dungeon since elementary school, so I’m glad she’s finally debuting. She’ll most likely be the leader if Nayeon isn’t the leader. While Jihyo isn’t one of my favorite members, I have always liked her because she plays to her strengths without resorting to vocal wanking.

Final performance fancam.

Son Chaeyoung



I like Chaeyoung as an idol, but given that she’s a rapper, I am naturally biased against her. As long as she doesn’t ruin songs, I’ll be fine with her.

Final performance fancam.

Kim Dahyun



Dahyun will be one of the stan attractors and most likely the second rapper. I’m praying to the K-pop gods that she doesn’t rap or that she improves a shit ton before debut. If neither of those conditions are met, then I hope she has two-line raps like Yura does in Girl’s Day’s “Ring My Bell”.

Final performance fancam.

Myoui Mina



Mina is one of the Japanese goddesses in the group. She gives off the chic, sexy vibe and will be one of the lead dancers. She’s been one of my favorites since the beginning.

Final performance fancam.

Minatozaki Sana



Sana is one of the Japanese goddesses in the group. She’s the weird-as-fuck member that people will either love or hate, and I am behind Sana’s crazy ass.

Final performance fancam.

Hirai Momo



Momo is the last of the Japanese goddesses in the group. She’s the main dancer and the “Dat Ass” of the group. I was mad when she was eliminated and I am glad she is back.

Final performance fancam.

Chou Tzuyu



Tzuyu is the Taiwanese jailbait goddess in Twice. She’s been my favorite from the start.

Final performance fancam.



While I am looking forward to this group, there have been a shit load of whiners everywhere, complaining about their favorite member not getting in or that the show was unneeded. Tell someone like Tzuyu that this show was unneeded. She was an afterthought who had no chance to debut in the group without the show.

The point of shows like this is to draw attention to an upcoming group, and Sixteen worked because it got great ratings for Mnet. I probably wouldn’t care much about Twice without having watched the show. If Twice debuted with this lineup without the show, the only members I would be interested in would be the J-Trinity and Tzuyu. Having watched the show, I’m already a fan of all nine members and know them. I don’t have to spend months trying to figure out who is who like I normally would with most groups.

While people are complaining about the show, most of the complaints are about who is in the group. I won’t link the NB articles, but over there people are being talentfags and crying foul that POPULAR members are debuting in Twice. It’s a fucking idol group, not an opera group. Sure, it sucks that Minyoung and Jiwon didn’t debut, but the two lack in the qualities that you want in an idol. For idols, the most important quality to have is presence. Any “real” talents such as singing and dancing take a backseat. There are dozens upon dozens of idols who can sing and dance well, so it’s the intangible qualities that distinguish one idol from the next.

Talent isn’t something that is static, as it can be improved. The best in their respective circles don’t rest on their laurels. They work harder than anyone else to become the best. Idols, like anyone else, continually work to become better. That’s all that’s required because only the delusional expect idols to sing like opera singers. They’re singing pop songs that other composers create. If idols sing the songs they’re given how the composers want them to and continue to improve through training, they’ll be fine. Don’t fall into the illogical bullcrap Korean netizens spew.

In the end, Twice is going to be pretty fucking awesome and I can’t wait for them to debut.



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Nine Muses: Hurt Locker

July 9, 2015, 9:04 am
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Nine Muses is back, fellas! And this summer just got hotter! I said it before and I'll say it again, but I'm a HUGE Namyu stan, so this was the only summer comeback I was actually anticipating. And boy they did not disappoint me. Nevermind the fact that the visuals are top notch, as per the usual with these gals, 'Hurt Locker' is an exceptionally catchy song. But even if the song sucked (*cough* *cough* Drama *cough* *cough*) there'll still be people watching it purely for fap purposes. So, safe to say, 9Muses absolutely SLAYED this comeback.




Song

Now I was totally digging this song the very first time I heard it. Unlike, 'Drama' that just smacked you on the face with a rap break right off the fucking bat, this one started it out pretty neat. I can honestly say that Kyungri improved her vocals, like, a LOT. It shouldn't be too long before you start bobbing your head to the beat with this expression on your face:


Sure, the song is great, but it has its flaws. And it's only natural here at AKF that we tend to linger on the flaws more than we do on the positives, because we're assholes. The verses and the bridge are definitely the best parts of the song, it's just the transition between them that's a little off. But with time you can learn to accept it. I mean, yeah, it is a little awkward but at least it's not Girls' Generation, 'I Got A Boy' standard.

Kyungri's voice really was what gave the song that 'punch'. I'd say the same for Hyuna, since she has a pretty unique voice, but she's a little lacking in skill. I think if Hyuna works on her vocals a little more, she could really stand out. Of course that doesn't change the fact that she is absolutely gorgeous all the way to drool level.


Then of course there was the chorus which, to be honest, was a little dull. I'd even say it's the least interesting part of the song. Surprisingly, the rap break wasn't too bad. No doubt, Euaerin is one of the few idols out there that actually knows how to rap. And that's mainly because if you wanna be a rapper, you gotta be badass and she's mastered every level of badassery so far. In fact, her rap break in, 'Wild' is still one of my favorite rap breaks in Kpop, and I don't give two fucks what anyone else thinks. Period.

In summary:

- Catchy verses and bridge
- Chorus is rather dull
- Great background music
- Awkward transition between verse and bridge
- Exceptional song in general, 7/10. I'd still prefer, 'Wild' and, 'Ticket' over it (Real talk, those were great songs).

And that's pretty much it for the song itself, I think. Moving on...

Music Video

What are the three critical elements of (almost) every Kpop Music Video? The first and most obvious is the concept. Every music video has its own concept, pretty much anything from dark themes all the way to colorful rainbows and sunshine. The second is visuals, of course. In the world of Kpop, visuals are almost as important as song quality. The third is Dance. More often than not MVs have a fully choreographed dance. Because in Kpop, plots? Who needs those? Just get a bunch of attractive guys/girls, make 'em dance in a box and call it a day.

The concept here is pretty much... crates! It's either solo shots inside the crates or them dancing on the crates and between the crates. Because why not? These bitches can pull off pretty much anything.


As I said before, visuals were on point. I honestly think Hyuna tops the list in terms of visuals, but Kyungri and Erin come pretty close. And let me just say, Erin... She's probably the one that made all the boys shoot their, 'glue' (Yes, I just stole that joke from Asian Junkie. At least I'm honest about it).



Hard to say though, because they all looked gorgeous. Sojin is really pretty too, but I'm not digging the blonde hair on her. I'd say she looked a lot better in Drama. Hyuna's new hair color- which I'm still unable to identify- is really doing wonders for her. The most improved in terms of looks is Minha. I always thought the girl lacked something, but I couldn't put my finger on it. It might have been the red hair, because God is she rocking it.


Hyemi's gotten prettier too, but I'm not too sure about her outfit choices. Surely the stylist doesn't like her very much.


I didn't really like the dance outfits either, or the live performance outfits.

Speaking of the dance, it's a pretty darn good one. The choreographer sure deserves a raise. Here are some of my favorite parts.

I'm not sure what this is, BUT I LIKE IT.
Git it, Geumjo

Lags doe

Tap dem boobies doe
Definitely one of their best MVs so far.

So, let's wrap this up with a few gifs, for your viewing pleasure.








And remember folks, HAPPY FAPPING!
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Bad Fan Art IV: A New Nope

July 9, 2015, 9:27 am
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Bad Fan Art is back and this time not even your dramas are safe. 



Unpretty indeed...


Han Ye Seul plots another bad drama after Birth of a Beauty.


I don't...
ayy lmao


Going on a Six Treep though my ear.




LF 1 Neck



And something infinitely more horrifying than everything else here combined.
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One of AKF's MS Paint dicks looks more realistic than that spam colored sausage link.

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And finally, to show that I don't play favorites here is a recent fan art someone commissioned me to do:

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Best of the Worst: July 10, 2015

July 10, 2015, 9:26 pm
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I'm a little late on this week's post. But hey, I never promised reliability, did I?

Kpop media's been extra obsessed with female idols and their hair this week, and I don't get it. In a time where Girl's Day flashed their goodies to the world, we get this:


You shitting me?


    This week on "Martha Sohyun Living," Sohyun teaches viewers
    how to make homemade soju sprayers. It's a good thing.
  • M3LAQ's G.O also changed his hair. He'd be cute if he shaved off that facial hair immediately and never talked about it again. 

Slip her the tongue!
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Haiku Reviews 2 - Kpopalypse has returned - prepare your anus

July 10, 2015, 11:35 pm
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Very many folks / seemed to really quite enjoy / my Haiku reviews
As Kpopalypse / is always happy to please / all of his readers
I have now returned / with even more song reviews / in Haiku format
Sit back and enjoy / as I take a runny dump / on all of your faves
haikufront400


The following songs / in a convenient list / alphabeticised
These selections were / requested through ask.fm / by my Caonimas
If the song you picked / is not below I may have / reviewed it before
In my previous / Haiku post, best-worst lists or / five word song reviews
Or perhaps I just / left your shitty song out to / make you really mad
Anyway there is / a horny jizzload of songs / so let's get started
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Falsetto chorus / like being hit in the nutsack / by a bad driver
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Boring smooth soft crap / described perfectly by the / insightful song name
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Kemy and Minju / had those two greatmixtape raps / so why does this suck
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Sorn from CLC / Will probably look like this / in about ten years
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Tedious mish-mash / of all their much better songs / in a crap medley
*
Waited for Jimin /  to say "Hey!" so I could fap / it was not to be
*
Waited for Jimin /  to say "Hey!" so I could fap / ahh, that's more like it
*
Nobody wants to / hear AOA's generic / filler k-ballads
*
Brilliant production / and great beats, shame about the / crappy blues based song
*
Shinsadong Tiger / doesn't hit gold all the time / evidence is here
*
Emotionally / manipulating their fans / for a fast buck works
*
BigBang finally / makes something vaguely like a / proper fucking song
*
Black Nut is good fun / if only idols also / had his attitude
*
Two zero one five / is the year nugu groups ran / out of MV cash
*
BoA runs SM / so she saves all the good songs / mainly for herself
*
MV girl is hot / think I might turn the song off / and just fap to her
*
Threatens to be good / but doesn't quite get up there / oh well nice try folks
*
They only know love / maybe they should have learned some / songwriting instead
*
Okay, this standard / New Jack Swing by numbers is / not too bad I guess
*
Ladies if you like / kpop boys in uniform / your porn has arrived
*
I guess now that we / don't have BAP these days / this will have to do
*
With a name like that / I expected something fast / not this reggae lite
*
Cannot decide if / Aron or Chad has the worst / creepy camera stare
*
Be honest ladies /  you only picked this song for / Jaehyosturbation
*
Clara looks stupid / plus the song is pretty crap / can still fap, all good
*
One day Dal Shabet / might hit the pop A-list but / not with this garbage
*
I guess rapists must / like vocal harmonising / in their boy group songs
*
Open World's rapist / or their new agency's clothes / not sure which is worse
*
Nugus once again / showing the A-list groups a / decent fucking song
*
Is it X-I-D / or E-X-I-D? Thanks for / fucking this post up
*
Worthless ballad trash / the type that clogs up all the / k-pop albums now
*
EXO and football / a bigger styling fail than / Martina's loose clothes
*
Before Tymee days / E.via had proper beats / not shit rap ballads
*
Maybe they refused / the bangbus ride so Tiger / gave them this dull song
*
f(x) are odd as / they do have good album tracks / trufax, caonimas
*
The song G-Dragon / has been trying to write for the / last three years but can't
*
The parts are all good / but they don't fit together / like Hyuna's body
*
Like most k-pop groups / 4Minute's album tracks are / rejected singles
*
At least it's heavy / or as heavy as these groups / are allowed to get
*
Absolute shit song / in a transgressive package / so you notice it
*
A ben-wa bead song / concept is innovative / but not the music
*
Better than Glass Bead / which is just a clone of that / SNSD song
*
Back when Girl's Day had /  good synthpop features, not the / lame shit they do now
*
Awful messy trash / Girl's Day sound like Sistar now / for the bucks I guess
*
Cool electro swing / should have been the feature track / their agency sucks
*
Designed for concert / lightstick waving, remember / where the on switch is
 
*
Back when you could tell / which member was which just by / looking at their face
*
With a name like that /  they should have made it sound like / Eye Of The Tiger
*
About as good as / SNSD's album tracks / ever fucking get
*
There are only two / things I watch SNSD / MVs for these days
*
Another basic / SNSD album track / nothing to see here
*
If Hello Venus / did this concept from debut / they would be rich now
*
One of the better / boy groups around now, with a / pleasing lack of swag
*
Very generic / with that lame whistling shit that / all the groups have now
*
Not nearly enough / of Hong Jin Young's boobs displayed / I am disappoint
*
Teenage kids try to / sound tough with fake growly voice / quaking in my boots
*
This isn't too bad / at least it has some guitar / that's something I guess
*
Too much of this weak / crap in K-pop but at least / this is well written
*
She has heard Detox / but Kpopalypse has not / I'm not fit to judge
*
The only song that / Unpretty Rapstar gave us / that was any good
*
A good story to / manipulate you into / liking a shit song
*
JYP looks like / even more of a pervert / than me, I approve
*
It's okay but it / lacks the metal influence / of their better tracks
*
Back when you could tell / which member was which just by / looking at their face
*
Great 60's girl group / style song that nobody liked / because they all suck
*
Lizzy sounds great here / but I wish she really was / a bit easier
*
How fucking maudlin / can these sour sobs fucking go / out and get some sun
*
This is pretty good / Lovelyz have good album tracks / not sure why that is
*
Lovelyz going down / Stock Aitken Waterman path / it does work for them
*
Decent verses are / ruined by the blues chorus / waste of a good song
*
If Dal Shabet had / this as a feature track they / might have got somewhere
*
Let's not make Johnny / Noh's ego any bigger / with crap songs like these
*
Glad this one never / came out as a feature track / it's as shit as "Breathe"
*
More yoloswag stuff / but this one is pretty good / catchy synth saves it
*
Sounds like music from / an 80s action film scene / not too bad I guess
*
Boy groups killing each / other with guns, soon the world / will be perfect - shoot!
*
This song is nothing / great but still better than most / boy group songs that year
*
If I had the choice / I would have not reviewed this / lame album filler
*
It isn't bad but / the Tarantinoesque start / outperforms the song
*
This is the song that / "Catch Me If You Can" should have / been like, but was not
*
Nine Muses do not / have good album tracks but this / is an exception
*
Very average / song title sounds like a good / idea, flush it down
*
Nothing special here / but notable for some cool / theremin backing
*
Maybe the best song / these nugus have ever had / but still not that great
*
It's easy to see / why Rainbow struggled for fame / with this boring crap
*
Finally Rainbow / get a good feature track, it / only took 6 years
*
Nothing special here / grateful that this song wasn't / picked as the feature
*
Pretty cool song but / I still can't tell them apart / someone help me please
*
I often hate this / type of funk disco thing but / Risso is good here

*
Why why is Shannon / doing a Traci Lords on / uncle fans, stop that
*
I want my three and / a half minutes back that I / spent hearing this shit
*
Best SHINee feature / track in a while but all their / others are bad, so...
*
What is this crapstep / didn't they get the memo / this is a dead style
*
Screechy annoying / chorus sinks all the appeal / this song could have had
*
What's with Sonamoo's / agency, all their fillers / are better than their...
...fucking shit feature / not that these songs are good but / "Deja Vu" was trash
*
This song is good but / still Mina from AOA's / Audrey Hepburn wins
*
If you don't want to / be teased please do a proper / MV next time thanks
*
I was introduced / to Heelys by SPEED, thanks for / enhancing my life
*
This was a real thing? / Christ Super Junior released / some pure fucking turds
*
The crap keeps coming / seems lovestruck Shindong fangirls / will buy anything
*
"Holler" was a much / better song, that's why it was / the feature - trufax
*
Disgusting blues trash / I listen to k-pop to / get away from this
*
The chimps finding a / mic is appropriate for / YG's career path
*
Nothing all that great / but still better than what they / did as a five piece
*
Pretty sure that this / group were always a two piece / where's my cheque SM
*
Country k-pop song / that is about 1% / country, what a fail
*
Yet another dull / rap ballad, Korea has / millions of these shits
*
Boring song that is / well-matched with an equally / boring video
*
Typical yolo / swag shit, Wa$$up should go back / to breakdance music
*
Wonder Girls also / had decent album tracks which / is unusual...
...k-pop albums are / usually bad because / they are not designed...
from the ground up as / albums but just the feature / plus leftover junk
*
Apt song title as / trainees at their agency / found out all too soon
*
Someone asked me if / this was shot with a drone - yes! / Click here for the proof!
*
eunjunghaiku2
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The Ultimate Kpop Music Awards Show 2015 [PART 1 - SURVEY]

July 12, 2015, 12:00 am
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Hello and Welcome to The Ultimate Kpop Music Awards Show (aka UKMAS), a show in which awards will be handed out... to music videos... and stuff... Yeah...

I don't even know why this picture is here. It's not like they're gonna win anything.

UKMAS 2015 will consist of three stages. Part 1 is the survey where YOU guys will choose the nominees for each category (I'll get to the categories in a moment). Part 2 is the nominees list and poll. Once I've tallied the votes from the survey (which means I'll need shit loads of people to take the survey) , I will pick 5 nominees for each category. You guys will have to take the poll to pick one winner for each category. Part 3 will be the results... which is self-explanatory I think.

These are the categories: 
  • Catchiest Song
  • Best Female Act (Can be group or solo)
  • Best Male Act (Same here)
  • Sexiest Music Video
  • Best dance - Female
  • Best dance - Male
  • Best plot-based Music video (Wait... Are there even any this year?)
  • Best Dance Track
  • Best Ballad/R&B/Whatever slow shit music
  • Best Visuals (includes styling, makeup, outfits, etc) - Female
  • Best Visuals - Male
  • Best Nugu Release
Rules and Regulations
  • ONLY Title Tracks
  • Leave 5 answers for each category, no more, no less (Unless you absolutely can't think of any)
  • Its UKMAS 2015... So only 2015 music. 
Take the Survey HERE. 

Thanks for taking time out of your very busy lives to fill in this survey! I'll release the nominees list once I have enough responses. If the results are too widespread, which is very possible, I may have to resort to personal judgement, which, to be honest, isn't the most valid... But what is these days?
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[MV Review] Kara - Cupid

July 13, 2015, 12:00 am
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Kara came back in May with "Cupid," their first Korean track since "Mamma Mia" last year. With a sound that deviates from the typical Kara sound, how does it hold up?



This is one of those songs that are good, but that's it: just good. It's not great in that it makes you want to repeat the song ad nauseam, but it's not so bad that it makes you want to mutilate yourself.

The biggest problem the song has is that instrumental is very bare during the verses, with the vocals carrying everything. Things do not get much better during the chorus, but it makes the song more listenable. However, the chorus doesn't even come close to saving the song, so that's what makes the song disappointing. However, the biggest disappointment is not utilizing that funky beat during the "C-U-P-I-D" part. That's my favorite part of the song because of the instrumental, and we hear it for about a total of 15 seconds throughout the song. I think a song based on that instrumental would have been much stronger than what Kara gave us.

"Cupid" mainly is a disappointment because Kara had a five-year run of great title tracks from "Wanna" all the way to "Mamma Mia." When you have an impressive catalogue like Kara, and only comeback once a year in Korea, getting an average song like "Cupid" feels like being spit in the face. Granted, I wouldn't mind if any of these girls would spit in my face, but I would rather have another great song along the lines of "Lupin" than something like Cupid.
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Conspiracy on Conspiracy (in) K-Pop 3: Illuminati are everywhere! Part 2

July 13, 2015, 7:00 am
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Freemasons have returned, and they are stronger than ever. With the latest k-pop releases, they are trying even harder to gather minions and brainwash innocent teens to fight for NWO!

Let’s see which k-pop releases you should avoid if you don’t want to become a gay, satan-worshiping, Illuminati slave!


I chose four recent MVs and examined them. Here are the results:



1. Teen Top – 'ah-ah (아침부터아침까지)'



First of all, the song is terrible and made specifically to brainwash innocent souls. Its simple melody makes you confused and susceptible to subliminal messaging. What’s worse is the fact that after some time, you will start to hum it unconsciously! Beware!


So what’s the subliminal message hidden in this MV?



Checkered patterns together with shopping cart are a simple, yet effective, method of brainwashing people into becoming slaves to consumerism. And we all know that every big company is in the hands of Freemasons. All for the glory of Illuminati!


Black and white. Good and bad. Classic Illuminati symbolism. Not to mention tattoos, which are known to be used by high Illuminati priests to amplify their black magic powers for easier satan summoning.


A sweater with the word "barn” written on it – that’s subtle mockery of Jesus Christ, who was born in a barn. Not to mention Niel and his cross earrings, which are another way of mocking Christianity by turning its most holy symbol into simple jewelry/symbol of useless consumerism.


A subtle checkered pattern can be seen in his sunglasses reflection, amplifying the hypnotic strength of the song.


And last but not least: The whole group consists of young, feminine-looking boys. That promotes homosexuality and transgenderism.

As expected of Illuminati, their tactics are getting more and more sublime and hard to notice!



2. Girls' Generation - 'Party'





"Party" is another weak song, but this one at least is so bad even the most brainwashed ones wouldn't hum it.

But let's move to the MV content.


Hyoyeon wears jewelry typical for Hinduism (New Age originated from Hinduism). Such is to be expected from Satan's servant!


Consumerism: On every single occasion, SM includes various ads.


More advertisements: A clear sign SM wants to brainwash you into using services provided by other Illuminati companies.


Unnatural hair colors: A clear sign of rebelling against God! Only satan worshipers could be so impudent to correct God's creation.

Jewelry with subtle triangles/pyramids: That clearly shows that Seohyun is part of Freemasonry ... and Zaku has really bad taste, since second of his biases is a confirmed satan worshiper.



Why is there so much skin showing in this MV? To bring innocent souls to the side of Illuminati and deprave them!

Girls' Generation is back to steal your money and sanity.


3. Girl's Day - 'Ring My Bell'





This song is better but still not without flaws. There's so much going on that anyone could lose his mind and enter hypnotic trance, and the MV only reinforces this.


The whole MV set is designed to hypnotize people and make them more susceptible to Illuminati propaganda.



Girl's Day even called for Satan to appear in the MV! Not to mention, he's black! And we all know that black is the color of Satan. The most satanic music is after all Black Metal.



Hyeri sits on a chair full of mini pyramids! I bet she feels just like Cleopatra and wants to rule over thousands of brainless slaves.



Not only is the set black and white, even their clothes are. Not to mention how indecent they are. It's like they're wearing underwear! They;ll do anything to recruit new slaves for their Illuminati cult.


Mina is wearing top, which is pretty direct in stating her allegiance to Satan (and Illuminati). She even has a tattoo!



Sojin doesn't hide her love for Satan either. Look how shamelessly she shows horns!


While the song isn't obviously trying to brainwash people, the MV is almost as bad as "Red Light." Beware!



4. BIGBANG - '맨정신 (Sober)'



Now, it's time for BIGBANG, masters of bad songs and drug/sex/alcohol scandals and more drugs


G-Dragon is crazy, everyone knows that, but now he wants others to be crazy, as well. Notice the writing on the wall and his sweater (eyes of Lucifer!): Those are subtle methods of brainwashing people into behaving like crazy and discarding good Christian values.



Seungri shows you that only by joining the Illuminati can you be rich. But you will have to worship money (and Satan).



TOP wants you to believe in Satan, and he also sniffs the ass of a rocking horse, which is normal at Illuminati ceremonies to summon Satan.



Girl's Day had one, so BIGBANG also needed Satan in their MV.



G-Dragon is telling you that the only way to achieve your dreams is to become a member of the Illuminati.




Every k-pop song and MV is more or less connected to the Illuminati. Beware and stay away from k-pop!
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HYSF Sex Survey for Males

July 14, 2015, 12:00 am
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HYSF here. I have a survey for the males to answer. I have a shitload of hours to work the next couple of weeks, so I'll post the results at the end of the month.

Survey is here.
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Sulli vs Hwayoung - it's a difference in determination levels

July 14, 2015, 3:24 am
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Inquiring minds wish to know the answer to the following question:

sullihyw

It's fine to say that someone is determined or not determined, but how is determination itself determined?  It's a good question, fortunately Kpopalypse is determined to determinate determination levels!  Read on for the trufax!

silluarge copy


On the surface it's understandable that f(x)'s Sulli and T-ara's Hwayoung may seem similar.  Both girls have a reputation for being kind of lazy, not pulling their weight while on the job and jeopardising their respective groups' careers at one point or another.  But how much of this perception is justified?  Let's take a closer look at the behaviour of both of these idols, so that their determination levels can be properly assessed.

DIETING HABITS


ricecakeeunjung

Everybody knows what Korean idol diets are like - dangerously unhealthy!  Most idol diets consist of food that is high in protein and vitamins but very low in carbohydrates, however carbohydrates are essential for correct brain, kidney and nervous system functioning and the side effects of not enough carbohydrates include constipation, fatigue and depression.   Noticing that Hwayoung wasn't performing up to par on live stages and concerned about the possibility of fatigue brought on by a low carbohydrate diet, groupmate Eunjung helpfully and caringly used the guise of a Japanese game show to feed Hwayoung a precious rice cake, a prized high-carb item usually forbidden by their agency's strict dieting regimen.  Hwayoung ungratefully grimaced through the ordeal, making rude unpleasant faces - giving away the truth: Hwayoung didn't need any extra carbs, and was just underperforming due to chronic laziness.  Eunjung's thoughtful gesture was a misjudgement that she surely regrets to this day as Eunjung has been criticised for this show of extreme caring and consideration ever since.

sulllicarb

Sulli on the other hand knows all too well what it's like to go without enough food.  Here she is (far right) performing at the World Federation of Neurosurgical Societies symposium in September 2013, however it seems that Sulli had some neurological issues of her own, struggling to keep up with her team's hectic and demanding dance routines.   Many peoplecriticised Sulli for seemingly being lazy, but the truth was different - those who were paying attention will know that only one month before this performance Sulli was placed on the notorious "Plastic Bag Diet" by SM Entertainment.  Plastic contains no nutrients whatsoever, and can even interfere with the nutritional value of other food, robbing Sulli of much-needed sustenance.  Nevertheless Sulli showed great determination to continue with the show in a reduced capacity and even managed to get through the entire event without collapsing.

LANGUAGE





In the above video you can clearly hear fucking Hwayoung in the background swearing her rude little ass off in Korean saying "fuck" (씨발 ssibal) and "that's fucking hilarious" (존나으켜 jonna eukyeo), probably nastily bullying the shit out of somebody behind the scenes, as the lazy slut is known to do.  Who knows, maybe the underpaid staff members deserved it but swearing in the fucking background while Boram is trying to do a fucking interview is just being a cunt.  Eunjung, once again being the caring thoughtful member, notices all the fucking bitching and whispers Hwayoung's name to try and get her to stop the tirade of abuse, but being a complete selfish cunthole who is lacking in determination to shut the fuck up when someone else is on camera, Hwayoung pays no attention and keeps mouthing off like a rude cunting whore.



Here's Sulli saying "motherfucker" (肏你妈 cào nǐ mā) in Chinese on some TV show nobody watches.   Sulli doesn't even speak Chinese, so firstly she's showing great determination here to learn foreign languages, something Hwayoung never noticeably gave a fucking crap about.  Also the tone of Sulli's voice makes it clear that she's not actually directing the statement at anyone but is just learning the word, probably trying to differentiate it from the similarly pronounced "grass mud horse" (草泥马 cǎo ní mǎ) so she can promote freedom of expression in China, very thoughtful of her.  Most importantly of all though, she's not saying it while Boram is trying to do a fucking interview, showing that Sulli is determined not to be a rude cuntfaced bitch.

OH&S COMPLIANCE


hwabr1

Here's Hwayoung venturing dangerously onto a sporting field with a broken umbrella that has sharp edges and hanging bits.  We all know about the high injury rate of k-pop idols doing sport - these people are musicians, not athletes and they fuck up so often on the sporting field that when they don't have injuries it's actually considered newsworthy.  Hwayoung's carelessness and lack of determination to exchange or fix her broken umbrella could lead other foolishly sporting idol persons to have a serious injury or even death!

hwabr2

Luckily, here comes thoughtful Boram, to the rescue with a smile on her face and an umbrella that actually fucking works.   Pity that Boram is so short that she can barely lift her umbrella over Hwayoung's head, but she does her best to shield her while Hwayoung stands around sullenly, being a cuntosaurus and acting like everyone else owes her shelter from the rain.  Since when does the shortest person hold an umbrella over the head of the tallest person?

hwabr3

Sulli has the right idea about umbrellas - get the taller person to hold it.  If Minho expected Sulli to hold her umbrella over his head, now that would just be rude, wouldn't it.  Of course Minho wouldn't expect that because he's a nice man who cares about Sulli's welfare and boobs.

hwabr4

Here's Sulli again with 2PM's Chansung, once again doing it correctly.  With a perfectly intact umbrella, Sulli is determined to show proper OH&S compliance!

INTERVIEW TECHNIQUE





Here's Hwayoung in a T-ara interview and it's the typical bullshit type of interview that all k-pop groups have to do.  The standard modus operandi of this fucking interview wank k-pop groups do is that everyone must smile all the time, laugh at each other's lame jokes and pretend that they're the bestest friends in the whole wide world, or pathetic spoiled entitiled Korean nerds used to having their dicks and clits sucked constantly through the TV screen have a big old cry.  People complain about my blogging being condescending all the time but the fact is that my satirical talking-down to cunts is nothing compared to the ridiculous dumbing-down that k-pop media enforces on viewers, who lap up the emotionally fraudulent presentations of their idols unquestioningly (as long as everybody plays by the rules).  K-pop TV treats you like you're a stupid cunt who actually believes that everything in these groups is happy families all the time.  Hwayoung never showed any determination to burst this particular bubble.



Here's Sulli and Krystal in an interview that was hugely controversial.  Why?  Because the girls didn't smile 100% of the time, and occasionally let their real emotions (i.e "wow this is the tenth interview today, fuck I'm bored, cao ni ma") slip out.  These girls are over the fake bullshit that they're paid to do all day, every day.  Unlike Hwayoung who only had a few months of idol bullshit to contend with before being thrown away like the dead wood from a fireplace, Sulli's been doing this bullshit for a lot longer and is a lot more over it.  Imagine having to smile at work like an air hostess does, all the time.  Now imagine that this work never ends - you have cameras on you at almost all times, superiors to impress, reality TV shows following your every piss, shit and wank, and a constant facade of a perfect k-pop angel to deploy over the top of your real personality.  If you're anything like a normal person you'd be ready to go postal on some cunts a few weeks into it.  Just look at the psychological meltdowns people have on lame reality TV shows where people are cooped up in a house for only a few weeks together, forced to endure personalities that rub each other the wrong way, and can't leave.  Now imagine that environment is your entire fucking life.  Those people in that room should be grateful that Sulli only didn't smile a bit, I'm not sure in her shoes if I'd have high enough determination levels not to take out a kitchen knife and start stabbing cunts in the face for breathing.

SOCIAL NETWORKING USE


hyaduck2

When the T-ara controversy hit in 2012, one of the wackiest, most deluded conspiracy theories being spread around at the time by oxygen-wasting losers was that Hwayoung had buried secret messages somewhere in her tweets, that could be deciphered by reading them vertically, as you can see by the screencap above made by some fucking barking mad nutcase.  The tweet above supposedly says "only fans know (the truth)" if you read the first column vertically, but the value of the message as anything more than coincidence is easily disproved because what characters fall into that column depends on what you read it on.

hyaduck3

However, people with true attention to the details that really matter will notice something else about Hwayoung's tweets in the first picture, something that should send shivers down the spine of any mortal on this planet concerned about responsible social networking by Korean pop idols.  Can you see it?  Pay attention and look very closely!  That's right it's...

hyaduck

...one of the most severe examples of EXTREME FUCKING DUCKFACE in k-pop.  This tweet here says "facts without truth" but perhaps it should say "duck without water" given that her agency told her to waddle off.  Clearly Hwayoung is nothing but trouble and needs to curtail her Internet use until she can learn to not post mega-ugly duckfaces that make people lose their lunch.

Hwayoung would do well to adopt Sulli's social networking policy.  Take a look at this post from Buzzfeed Koreaboo and all of the many tweets in it.  What do all of the tweets have in common?  If you answered "these tweets aren't from Sulli, they're from some stupid psycho cunt and some other idiots who are dumb enough to actually give her the time of day" then congratulations, you are correct!  As it happens, Sulli posts very rarely.

sullitwwt

The tweet from Sulli here says "it's been a long time" and it certainly has.  Sulli clearly doesn't give a cao ni ma about social networking, posting stupid duckface photos and responding to dickheads, she's too determined to have a good time nightclubbing, ironing Choiza's shirts and trying to get pregnantholding hands and thinking pure thoughts.

Sulliharmoni copy

It all adds up to a world of difference... in determination levels.
silludeter
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Red is the new blue

July 14, 2015, 2:00 pm
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K-pop is not one to shy away from trends. It's common for the industry to take one thing that's mildly popular, turn it into a massively over-popular trend, then run it into the ground — ruining it forever. But until that happens, let us enjoy the new red hair trend and see who wears it best.
/remember me/


Hair colour trends are a big thing from what I can see. There was the period where every group had someone with rainbow hair, and the period where every group had someone with blue hair. This time, it's red — and I blame G-Dragon. It might be the only good thing we can credit him with for a while. So thanks, G-Dragon.

G-Dragon (from Big Bang)

 Key (from SHINee)

 Sunny (from Girls' Generation)

 Minha (from Nine Muses)

 Jimin (from Bangtan Boys / BTS)

Yura (from Girl's Day)

Seoyoung (from Hello Venus)

So now I ask of you — who pulls it off the best?
Vote HERE
And if I forgot someone, please select "other." I'll give them their own special mention in the results post.


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HYSF Sex Survey for Females

July 15, 2015, 12:00 am
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Fapcam Madness 2: "CRAZY"

July 15, 2015, 7:00 am
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It's time to FAP!

The next song will be Crazy. I was always a fan of 4minute (Jiyoon <3) and Crazy is a really good song, so it was pure pleasure to "research" those fancams.

But first, let's look at the original (I chose Sohyun, one, because she has the best outfit/choreography)





... after going (again) through ~30 pages of YouTube results, watching 100+ fancams and fapping for God knows how many times, I have finally chosen the 10 best fancams ...

So, let's start!



10. Ahyoung (아영) from Love Cubic (러브큐빅) [150321]





Choreography:

Well it wasn't that bad.

6/10

Outfit: 

I would give it more but it's so mismatched that even nice view of cleavage isn't helping.

6/10 


Dancer: 

Body: Nice boobs (nice push-up), but no waist D:.
7/10

Face: She definitely should change her make-up artist.
6/10

6.5/10

Fan service:


Not bad, you can tell she enjoys herself + staring at her own boobs is nice.

7/10

Overall rating: 

6.375/10

9. Seongae (성애) from Rose Queen (로즈퀸) [150601]




Choreography:

Well it wasn't bad.

7/10

Outfit: 

Nice! Black and white strips (Illuminati!) are enhancing her assets.

7/10 


Dancer: 

Body: Your typical k-pop body achieved through diet + a bit of exercising.
7/10

Face: Could be worse
6/10

6.5/10

Fan service:


At some point I started to wonder if she really wanted to be there and that's to a certain extent a boner killer.

6/10

Overall rating: 

6,625/10

7. Sunmi (선미) from Rose Queen (로즈퀸) [150406]




Choreography:

Good (seriously, I have no idea what I should write when there's nothing to whine about D:. )

7/10

Outfit: 

Black and White stripes together with fake corset! Not only improves visuals of her body but also brings some SM feel.

7/10 


Dancer: 

Body: Again, nothing to whine about apart from modesty of everything.
7/10

Face: Finally a girl with face that's easy on the eyes!
7/10

7/10

Fan service:


Well, at least she tried for short time.

6/10

Overall rating: 

6.75/10

7. Hyeri (혜리) from Wait A Minute (웨잇어미닛) [150411]




Choreography:

Well... that was nice.

7/10

Outfit: 

Seems plain, but with her body you don't really need much to look good, and combining black with red is always good idea.

7/10 


Dancer: 

Body: More on the "plus size" side and thanks to that, her dance moves are upgraded.
8/10

Face: Better make-up than before but still she looks like an ahjuma.
6/10

7/10

Fan service:


Smiling and having fun on stage always works. When a girl smiles on stage it's easier to fap to her (unless you have some fucked up "rape" fetish or something.)

7/10

Overall rating: 

6.75/10

6. Jini (지니) from Rose Queen (로즈퀸) [150525]




Choreography:

Nothing to write about. :3

7/10

Outfit: 

Nice! Black and white strips (Illuminati!) are enhancing her assets (and in her case that's a must.)

7/10 


Dancer: 

Body: Nice and fit: That's what I like even though it's modest in size.
7/10

Face: Well as i said before, she looks like a "prettier" Namjoo.
6/10

6,5/10

Fan service:


I like how she's coquetting the audience by making "sexy" faces.

7/10

Overall rating: 

6.875/10

5. Suhyeon (수현) from Wait A Minute (웨잇어미닛) [150520]




Choreography:

Her assets make it look much better that it really is.

7/10

Outfit: 

You can't go wrong with skin-tight body suits.

7/10 


Dancer: 

Body: I'll say that she has one of the best butts in korea and Zaku loves her (obviously Eunsol ismuch, much, much better.)
9/10

Face: ...almost a boner killer!
5/10

7/10

Fan service:


She fits her Hyunah role very well and you can tell she tries hard.

7/10

Overall rating: 

7/10

4. Minji (민지) from Switch (스위치) [150419]




Choreography:

Once again I have nothing to say.

7/10

Outfit: 

I've seen it before (but why they had to put on her that awful jacket D: ).

8/10 


Dancer: 

Body: Your typical k-pop body.
7/10

Face: So far she's the prettiest one :D.
7/10

7/10

Fan service:


She tries hard and sometimes it works.

7/10

Overall rating: 

7,25/10


3. Choim (초임) from Rosemass (로즈매스) [150515]




Choreography:

Almost perfect!

8/10

Outfit: 

Typical slutty idol outfit with 4Minute influences. (and in this case that's a big plus)

7/10 

Dancer: 

Body: She's completely fine, nice ass, boobs, etc., there are better bodies, but not many that well "balanced".
7/10

Face: As I wrote before Sohyun + Seoyoung.
8/10

7.5/10

Fan service:


I could fap to it for days and her wet hair, constant eye contact, laugh, sexy/cute faces would never bore me, (like I wrote before, she reminds me Seoyoung in that matter).

8/10

Overall rating: 

7.625/10


2. Jihyun (지현) from Two L (투엘) [150331]



Choreography:

Now that's what I call good dancing.

8/10

Outfit: 

SEE-THROUGH. <3

8/10 

Dancer: 

Body: Almost perfect! Really nice boobs (I suspect a lot of push-up), but ass need some work.
8/10

Face: I gave her 8/10 because i believe that under that awful make-up, beautiful face is hidden.
8/10

8/10

Fan service:


Determination and professionalism! I bet she enjoys when guys fap to her.

7/10

Overall rating: 

7.75/10





And the winner is ...












1. SeonAh (선아) from dance group Two L (투엘) [150319]




Choreography:

Well together with Jihyun, the best attempt! Really nice moves in the lower body.

8/10

Outfit: 

The white shorts and white top were a nice combination with her toned body, and the top can bring some SM associations (leash/collar).

8/10 

Dancer: 

Body: Nice booty and boobs (although they are on the modest side). One of the best balanced bodies in "k-pop" i seen so far.
9/10

Face: As i mentioned before, she kinda looks like Anda.
8/10

8,5/10

Fan service:


I appreciate people who work hard, and don't kill my boner.

7/10

Overall rating: 

7.875/10








I fapped, and so should you!
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miss A - Only You

July 16, 2015, 12:00 am
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miss A made a comeback with "Only You" during late March, which is why I missed it because I was working insane hours during March. The first song I heard from miss A was "Hush," and I liked that song, but I had to wait nearly a year and a half for the group to make a comeback. I guess it took that long for Suzy to diet and exercise her way to a respectable weight.




I like the song. It's one of those easy songs to listen to, but it doesn't grab me like some of the older miss A songs do.

However, the main point about the article is the lyrics to the song. They are a complete lie.

Never, ever listen to feminist bullshit about how a woman is "different" from other women. The only difference women have from other women is appearance. Woman want either one of two things: a sugar daddy who can support them (such as Park Soo Jin) or a man who can fuck their brains out (insert any K-pop idol with chiseled abs here).

You think anyone like Suzy would only have her eyes for you? First, she either wants a man who can afford her expensive grocery bills every week or for someone who can fuck her so hard that the calories will burn off easily.

However, if Suzy wants a one-night stand with you, don't refuse it. How many people do you know who can brag about being nearly suffocated because you 69'd Suzy with her being on top?
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Tao is, apparently, 'Back'.

July 16, 2015, 7:00 am
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So, if you guys haven't heard about it yet, Tao recently updated his Instagram, declaring that he is 'back'. To do what exactly? God knows.



Goes without saying that this is obviously a solo, 'comeback'. Let's be real though, the guy's cool and all, but he can't sing and his rapping is just decent (and that's only if you're reaching a bit). Tao is definitely not ready for a solo comeback.

But who the hell knows? Maybe he'll surprise us. Maybe he won't. Guess we just gotta wait for the 23rd of July to see if it's anything worth writing about. After all, it's gotta be either really horrible or really good to earn itself an article here.

If I had an opinion about this whole ordeal, I'd say I'm all for free will. If the guy wants to leave EXO, he can go right ahead. Don't get me wrong though, I do like EXO. True, they come from a shitty company and they have an even shittier fandom, but there's no denying they make good music. I liked Tao being a part of the group. Am I sad he's leaving? I was a little, at first, but now I don't really care much. EXO is a group that tends to keep hitting the 'self-destruct' button anyway. I am curious, however, as to how long it's gonna take Lay to finally flip out and leave too, considering all the hate he's been getting lately.

More drama: Chanyeol apparently unfollowed Tao on Instagram (Gasp!) after the update. Tao got mad like the dramatic teenage girl he is and went on an unfollowing spree, bringing his, 'Following' list down to zero. Now I have a few questions; Why couldn't Tao just unfollow Chanyeol? Why did he have to unfollow everyone? Second, how do people even notice this shit? Are there like EXO-L's guarding their following lists 24/7? Do they take shifts watching if anything happens? I am really curious, people.

Lastly, I have an observation. That purple hair is fucking gay.
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Best of the Worst: July 16, 2015

July 16, 2015, 8:43 pm
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Halloween is still months away, but I saw something recently that frightened me to my very core. No, it wasn't the first of Hara's "Choco Chip Cookie" stages.

It was something much worse.

Boy group animal "plushies." (I can't even type that word without quotes, because it disgusts me so much.) Basically, they are the most obnoxious pieces of cutesy bullshit ever. And most of them don't even look anything like the idols they're portraying.

Do not scroll down if you're feeling suicidal. I don't want this post to be the thing that finally pushes you over the edge. That's what family's for.




Die.


Die quicker.


Die by that bear's hand.

Oh, fine, just kill me instead.




Mino's so hot, he'll make you "open your legs like you’re at the gynecologist’s,"
according to himself, that is.
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