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Obligatory k-pop plastic surgery blog post #672

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K-pop and plastic surgery.  Well-worn territory, right?  It's like bees and honey - whenever you see one, you know the other is close by.  I don't really care though.  How is getting injections or plastic in your lips/nose/cheeks/ass/boobs really any different to getting those hoop things in your ears that fuck up your earlobes for the rest of your life, or a tattoo that says "fuck" on your forehead, or a piercing through your cock that also extends through your ballsack, or any number of other things people do to make themselves more aesthetically appealing to themselves or whoever?  I wouldn't do that shit personally but some people obviously would for whatever reason and good luck to them.  Obviously 90% of k-pop stars are plastic-surgeried to fuck and back and it gets pretty obvious when the studio makeup isn't on them but so what.  Michael Jackson looked ridiculous in the 90s too but he at least probably thought he looked okay and I sure didn't cry myself to sleep at night over it (maybe a few Neverland sleepover guests did though).  My point being - less people claiming to be against superficiality while simultaneously getting very upset about other people's superficial appearances, and the world would be a better place, right?

tumblr_mmcxk4H5dL1qhbs9xo4_250

So it's less in the spirit of voyeurism or criticism and more in the spirit of community education that I now present to you the following story, which may be old news to some but I think it's a cautionary tale that should be heeded.  While there is quite a bit of writing out there about this specific incident, which is fairly old, there isn't much within western k-pop blogging sites so I felt that it was a tale that needs to be told to a k-pop specific audience.  Warning: this gets scary.

Meet former Korean singer and model Hang Mioku.

hang1

Charming young lass, right?  Well, okay, maybe she looks just a little like JYP there.  (Thought for today: if you ever find yourself with an awkward boner at some inappropriate time, like at the office, or at your sister's wedding, just whisper "JYP" to yourself, over and over, while imagining what JYP's face looks like when he whispers that into the microphone in the studio over the opening seconds of the next 2PM single.  Thank me later.)  Here's a more flattering photo:

hang5

Okay, OKAY, that's even worse.  It doesn't help that the photo seems to have been taken at "JYP whisper range".  Let me try again.

hang20

That's more like it.  Some washed-out photography and blurriness plus a bit of stage makeup does wonders.  I think she's rocking a bit of an Isabella Rossellini in "Blue Velvet" kind of vibe here, and that's a serious plus point in case you don't know.  Here is a picture of Isabella Rossellini from a scene in the aforementioned film, included partly for comparative purposes, and partly because all the images below this one in this post are so fucking terrifying that I feel a moral duty to balance them out with something more attractive.  Trust me, Isabella holding a kitchen knife up to Kyle MacLachlan's throat looks positively benevolent compared to what you're about to see further down the page.  Consider yourself warned.

fondue_bluevelvet2_wideweb__430x296,1

Anyway, even if she's not your type, you'd have to admit that there are probably people out there more desperately in need of surgical beautification than Hang Mioku.

So the story goes, Hang Mioku was rather fond of having her skin feel smooth and soft, so she went to Japan on a regular basis to get injections of silicone into her face (as you do - there probably wasn't the proliferation of local plastic surgeons in Korea back then that there is now).  This started at the age of about 28 (she's now 50-ish so we're talking pre-idol explosion "trot" era here - not that I could find any of her music sadly) and went on for quite a while until the Japanese surgeons said "hey your face has ballooned quite a bit, you're starting to look a bit wrong, maybe I should stop taking your money now".  I wasn't able to source exact dates for these photos but at this point I'm guessing her face probably looked something like it does in this picture of her:

hang50

I couldn't find a non-cropped version of this photo but it looks like she's resting her head on a guy's shoulder.  Awww, how sweet.  Hey netizens, if you want a fun project to try in your spare time between perfecting your additional pylon construction tree and leaving crybaby comments on articles about people more attractive and successful than you, try to find a photo of a male k-pop star wearing a blue jacket which matches the same patterns as the one in the above photo of the cropped mystery shoulder guy.  If you find one, then he must have dated Hang Mioku once, right?  (I call this "IU's couch logic".)  Anyway you have to wonder how surgeons even let it get to this point in the first place.

Once Hang was eventually refused plastic surgery, she managed to obtain a bottle of silicone on the black market (yes a black market really exists for this stuff, IKR) and did some DIY injections.  Because if you want a job done right, do it yourself, yeah?  Black market silicone is apparently pretty expensive though so after injecting an entire bottle of the stuff (don't ask how big the bottles are) into her face, she swapped to cooking oil to save some cash.  That is not a misprint.

The results speak for themselves:

hang9000

hang9001



Look at that poor dog, it's terrified.

At this point, Hang Mioku realised she had made a terrible mistake, and after appealing to the media kind-hearted Koreans donated thousands of dollars worth of money to help her fix her disfigurement.  As they say, it's not your appearance, but what's inside you that counts, and no-one knew that better than the surgeons who extracted 60 grams of silicone and cooking oil from inside Hang Mioku's face and another 200 grams from inside her neck over the course of at least ten operations.  Of course, while her physical appearance has improved drastically, it will never be what it was before, and a bit of makeup still doesn't hurt.

hang9002

What can we learn from this story:

*  As bad and unnecessary as it is, your favourite k-pop star's latest shitty round of surgery could have been worse.

*  In the pre-idol "trot" days of k-pop people obviously still had major issues about their appearance, societal pressure, self esteem etc blah blah. Or they probably wouldn't do this shit (you'd hope).

*  Don't lose your objectivity in the face of praise because plastic surgeons will continue taking money from you and telling you that you look great until your surgery has well and truly hit the fug zone.

*  I couldn't find any of Hang Mioku's music anywhere while researching this, which just goes to show that even if plastic surgery makes you famous it still won't help your music career.

*  Jabba The Hut is an attainable plastic surgery goal if you're into DIY.  For anything else, seek a qualified professional.

This has been a Kpopalypse Community Service Announcement.  Stay safe, kids.

Saturday Shitfest #4

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So 4minute released a new song and I'm afraid to even listen to it after "What's Your Name?" Well, at least A Pink is making a comeback soon, so Cube is giving us a slight refuge while they torture us with 4minute.

Anyway, expect some actual articles next week instead of all of these lazy articles. I have some MV reviews almost done and an album review almost done, which all should be up next week.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 30

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Happy Canada Day my fellow Canadian FISHies!


I feel your pain, tumblr user.

No Korean idols come to Canada. Unless you are Sunye who has to get married before leaving the hard idol life. =/

But seriously. Wow, you must have an easy life considering not seeing a live concert is your version of pain and suffering.

If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to akf_shinbi, ask them at http://ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Thank you!

Soyeon & The Gang - Like The Wind

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T-ara's first title track worth listening to in fucking forever comes from the "other sub-unit", Qri, Boram, and Soyeon. While the subunit is known as QBS, it's really just Soyeon and her two assistants.

The song itself it standard J-pop fare that has been coming out from the country for the past 20+ years. If you like the typical J-pop song, this song will be up your alley. For those of you that don't, this song will do nothing to change your mind.

Before the song came out, I did fear that the song would have even line distribution, which would have been a major mistake in this case. Fortunately, Soyeon sings 95% of the song so that we don't have to listen to Qri and Boram's awful singing. I honestly don't know why Kpop groups try to balance out the number of lines given to members. The members who can't sing for shit shouldn't get lines (or probably shouldn't be in the group at all...) in the first place.


The MV really no budget, but I'm sure the girls would rather spend time at a beach than to spend time with Chris Brown's black ass. They don't have to fear getting Rihanna'd by him, so it's a win-win for them.

In the end, it's just another J-pop song like the millions of others we have heard before, but at this point in time, I'll take something extremely formulaic that works than what T-ara N4 did. While T-ara N4's Countryside Life had lyrics calling out their haters, the nonsensical English and Taewoon's rap ruined what little the song had going for it. In Like The Wind, it's just a song where Soyeon sings with a few lines from Boram and Qri, sticking to what works for them instead of trying to insert shit that doesn't belong there in the first place.

T-ara is supposed to return as seven once again and release an original Japanese single before their next album. I'm not expecting much, but at the very least, it needs to be better than Bunny Style.

Former EXID members to form a new group

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When EXID debuted last year, three of the original six members left the group after the release of their first single. Good thing Hani didn't leave the group. EXID has done well for a nugu group, so maybe the three girls that left are regretting their decision to leave the group so quickly. Maybe the left because Shinsadong Tiger tried to force the girls to lick his nutsack, I don't know.

While the new group will at least have one good singer, I don't think that's enough. I have never heard of YNB Entertainment, the agency where this new group hails from. At the very least, Shinsadong Tiger had made a name for himself throughout the years, especially by gracing us with the very song that contains best rap verse in Korean history: Roly Poly.


Stuck in my Head ~ Song of the Day 5

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Once again I am back to promote DJ Masa, an artist that I always have a heart on for.


This boy literally took the time to compile and mashup 75 of 2012's most popular songs. Respect.

Well done, DJ Masa. You will never know how boundless my love is for you your music.

Personally, I am a big fan of remixes/mashups. So if any of you have any reccommendations, please send them to me via the comment section below, e-mail (zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com), twitter(akf_shinbi), or ask.fm (http://ask.fm/akfshinbi). Thanks, FISHies!

FX Girl Heo Yoon Mi

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This is as close to Korean porn as we'll probably get. And for those of you who always complain about Asian women never shaving down there, Heo Yoon Mi proves that notion false. Is anyone even reading this?

Question of the Week 74

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This week's question comes from an anonymous asker from my ask.fm:
If you were a CEO/founder of a agency, which Korean idols/celebrities (you can include actors/actresses) would you want in your company?

Thanks for your submission!

Hypothetically speaking, if I were the CEO/founder of an agency, I suppose I would only want groups that I enjoy and listen to in my company. With that said, I would hire idols (in no particular order) such as: (former) After School, Aile (no, I did not misspell Ailee. This is one of my secret hipster, independent groups), Ailee, Aziatix (do they count...?), B1A4, Big Bang, Brown Eyed Girls, Code-V, Crispi Crunch, Crucial Star, Dae Guk Nam Ah, Davichi, Dia, Dynamic Duo, Epik High, G.NA, INFINITE, IU, JOO, JUNIEL, Nom Nom Nom, One Way, Outsider, Phantom, PSY, R.Tripper, Roy Kim, Rain, Se7en, San-E, Shinhwa, Son Dambi, SpinEL, SS501, Sunny Hill, Supernova, T-ara, 2NE1, 2AM, and 8eight. If I wanted a LOT of money, then I would want Super Junior, Dong Bang Shin Ki, SHINee, etc.

I do not watch any Korean dramas, so there are no specific actors or actresses that I would actively seek out to sign.

If anyone has suggestions for future Question of the Weeks, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to akf_shinbi, ask them at http://ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Thank you!

Saturday Shitfest #5

Am I Dreaming That A Pink Finally Made A Comeback? No No No

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Among Bruce Lee's many quotes, there is one quote that really hits the spot when defining A Pink's latest comeback. "It's not the daily increase but daily decrease. Hack away at the unessential."

 
The first unessential element that A Pink hacked away at is Yoo Kyung.



I think it's fair to say that Yoo Kyung was A Pink's Hyoyeon or Bom. However, unlike those two, Yoo Kyung has absolutely nothing to offer to the group, unless random English lines without a thick accent count as something.



The next unessential element that A Pink hacked away at is Fat Chorong's fat. While she is not fat in normal terms, she has the appearance of being a bit chubby, hence why people call her Fat Chorong. Even though Eunji is my favorite member, I have always found Chorong the best looking. Now with Naeun's new Latino look, Chorong has cemented her position for me.

Onto the song, A Cube made the right choice to keep A Pink's original style. A Pink's sound is reminiscent of late 90s to mid 2000s Kpop when Kpop was at its peak. I always fear that A Pink will abandon that sound to release some diarrhea like I Got A Boy. God, I fucking hate that song. Nonono is a modern take on a formula that works, and I'll take a refinement of what works over fucking "innovative but complete shit" that seems to be the trend.

However, I do have one problem with the song. Why does Naeun sing the first part of the bridge? The bridge should be left to Namjoo and Eunji, not some scrub like Naeun.

I was prepared to like this song just because Yoo Kyung was no longer in the group, but I actually enjoyed it more than I thought I would.

T-ara's "Target" is your boyfriend's jizz

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Picture this.  Imagine that you're a young girl living in Korea, not necessarily a huge k-pop fan although you probably do listen to some of it, and you've been going out with your first boyfriend for a few months now.  You don't have a lot of time in this busy world, but you make the effort to meet occasionally with him when you're not studying or working 18 hours a day, he walks with you sometimes and you hold hands together and think pure thoughts.  He's a little socially awkward but he's basically a nice guy plus he really seems to like you.  Birds chirp, flowers bloom and all is well in the world.

Then one day, in a rare moment of synchronous study downtime, he invites you to his place for the first time.  He seems like such a great guy, really.  Nothing could go wrong, right?





Of course, this requires careful planning.  You feed his and your parents some bullshit line about it being a "study session" and you get the green light.  You're really looking forward to it - this is a bit of a step up in the relationship and if it goes well, this could mean big things for you both down the track.  In your mind despite your best intentions to "take it slow" like your parents have been advising, a small part of you is already secretly thinking about where you can get a good wedding dress made.  You can't help it - it's just how you think.  After a nice dinner with him and his parents which was a little awkward but you got through it, he invites you to his bedroom to help him with "that assignment".  You're trembling in anticipation imagining your future life together as you both make your way to the bedroom door, and then he opens it and you are confronted with this:

peep1

What the fuck.  You don't even know who these fucking girls are pinned up on his bedroom wall, but your heart sinks anyway as you scan the room and barely a square inch of the walls is not covered with this shit.  They're a lot prettier than you, and he's obviously in love with them otherwise why the fuck does he have these huge posters up, when your picture isn't on his desk or even on his computer screensaver...



Fuck, he's got the same girls there too!  "Is this what I have to compete with", you wonder to yourself.  In the meantime, the smell of your boyfriend's bedroom hits you, it smells like a combination of stale semen and despair.  It's pretty obvious that he's been notching up some serious jerk time and there's no prizes for guessing what the fap material is.  You're pretty sure some of those posters that adorn his wall have been stuck there with his jizz à la the film "Happiness".  You're "in love" though, or at least that's what you told him earlier even though you think it's rapidly fading now that you've seen THIS side of him, so you deal with it instead of bolting out the door, but you're starting to wonder if you and this guy have a future together.  Over the course of the next few hours you become increasingly uncomfortable - all he seems to care about is his computer games and he gets stressed when you absent-mindedly lean on his posters which it's really hard not to do because they are EVERYWHERE, plus he keeps talking about some fucking anime or whatever and you hate that shit.  Eventually you finally get out of there and as you beat a hasty retreat back to your own neighbourhood you start thinking about ways to dump him without making yourself feel like too much of a bad person, because you're kind of chickenshit like that.

Further research reveals that the girls adorning his bedroom's jizz-encrusted walls are actually a k-pop idol group called "Tee Arr Arr" or some shit and their entire catalogue is basically just a cum-mop for all your current and future potential boyfriends' fantasies, rendering these guys completely impotent and uninterested in you by the time you actually get to spend any time with them.  A random sample of some of the more popular songs reveals the devastating truth:

"Bo Peep Bo Peep"

bopeep1

something about a nine-cunted fox that seduces guys and eats their livers, probably by sucking it out through their still-throbbing cocks just after sex, obviously a male submissive's fantasy plus teaching them that women are evil and not to be trusted thereby ruining men for real relationships with commitment and rings and mortgages and stuff

"Roly Poly"

rolyp1

something about liking "this" and "that" which has surely got to be a euphemism for some kinky shit because why else would that little tramp be so non-specific, she must be hiding something

"Sexy Love"

sexyl1

blow-up fuck dolls coming to life, for his pleasure, just LOOK AT IT DAMNIT, who needs a real girlfriend and commitment when you have a robotic hole that is prettier, will do anything you want and never complains that the relationship isn't "moving forward" as long as you remember to wipe her down afterward

"Bunny Style"

bunnys1

just like "doggy style" except faster, we all know how bunnies like to fuck, a few quick thrusts and they're done, and then they just want to do it again, yes this sounds like every guy you've ever heard about your friends dating and it's clear that Tee Arr Arr are only encouraging this shit, whatever happened to taking it slow going to the opera first and then having a candlelit dinner while gazing longingly into each others eyes for fuck's sake

There's only one solution to this shit.  These girls needs to be stopped.  THEY STOLE ALL YOUR OPPAS, the slutty wenches, and they're so good at it that they did it before they were even yours!  You don't have a chance if these singing, dancing, suggestively-flirting-from-the-stage-how-dare-they plastic-surgeried every-mans-dream fantasy girls get there first!  You do a quick net search and it's revealed that there are many other women in the same plight - finding solace in your mutual suffering, you sign up to an anti-cafe and become a full-time Tee Arr Arr hater.  You swap stories with other females of relationship despair and how one guy couldn't ejaculate on his partner's face unless she put on fox ears and did the "Bo Peep" dance, how another girl kept getting told that she was too tall and "why can't you be short like Boram so you can undo my pants faster", and so on.  Soon you're busy co-ordinating "activities" like going to every website you can find and leaving hate comments, downvoting everything positive you can see, posing as a distraught fan on various boards so you can try to turn fans of QBS against fans of N4 and vice-versa, reigniting long-dead rumours that nobody cares about and which may or may not be true but who cares as long as it makes T-ara look bad and then getting all your anti-friends to comment on them, and so forth.  T-ara gradually consumes your world.

All of this activity of course hasn't gone unnoticed.  Deep within the bowels of CCM offices, next to the room where idols are told to stand in the corner for 5 hours at a time with their face against the wall for having bad thoughts, is the "situation room".  In here, a bank of wire-tapping telephone operators have been monitoring the activities of the potential girlfriends of T-ara fans.  A pattern has been identified - girl meets guy, girl falls in love, girl is introduced to T-ara through exposure to guy, girl and guy have relationship problems when she realises she can't compete with T-ara's jizz-sponge-like properties, girl becomes T-ara anti.  Data is collected, committees are formed and meetings are held.  What to do about the rapidly escalating situation?

The answer: "Target".


sorry about the intrusive subs and somewhat fanatical and ever-so-slightly creepy V-Queens intro text annoying mirror imaging, but this is the best quality video I could find

Like everything else T-ara do, "Target" is aimed squarely at the genitals of the group's predominantly male fanbase, but this time it's teaching them a different lesson - how to give their neglected girlfriends exactly what they want for a change:



Look at the graphic similarity at 2:30 in particular.  T-ara's mobile phone computer game isn't a game at all, it's a recreation of a sex education CGI video, with an anime-style k-pop friendly facelift, creating a positive association between T-ara and getting your girlfriend up the duff.  Little devilish T-ara characters riding on phallic jetpacks shooting little sperm things at a big egg before they inevitably run out of steam is designed to teach lonely fappers the facts of conception, the life cycle of reproduction and the virtues of commitment to your one true love, in a format that your average fanboy fapper might actually pay some attention to.  Of course it's dressed up like a anime computer game because that's the most appealing way to present something if you're going to "target" young guys who barely pay attention to anything these days if it's not computer games, anime or porn (and all the better if you can combine all three).   Just to drive home the true love message, the egg is even heart-shaped.  At the end it's "game over" and the vaginal-juice-drizzled T-ara members asphyxiate on the reflux of their own spunk, having tried their best to pump the egg full of their wriggly jetpack-sperm.  They failed, because they're just a k-pop group, but maybe YOU will succeed?  Don't waste your seed, because one day it'll be game over, that's the implicit message here for T-ara's legions of zerg-rushing, Hyomin-fapping fanboys.  CCM plan to use the music video's power of suggestion to restore T-ara's reputation in the eyes of fan's commitment-longing girlfriends, one busy uterus at a time.

Well that's my theory, anyway.  I know what you're all thinking, but when the pregnancy rates in Korea start mysteriously climbing nine to twelve months from now, I'd just like to say that I fucking called it.

Oh and yes I realise I've completely side-stepped the musical content, but then most k-pop reviews do, so whatever.  Why don't you talk about that in the comments if you really must.

8 Things I Hate About 2ne1's "Falling in Love"

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I did not fall in love.





Here are eight reasons why:

1. Three, two, one, shit
"Falling in Love" assaults your ears right out of the gate. Why would someone think it was a good idea to include an incomprehensible intro in the music video? It was like a warning of shit to come.


2. More generic CL raps

CL's raps sound like they were taken straight out of "The Baddest Female," or any other song in which she raps for that matter.


3. Basically everything about the song itself



4. This guy


It was refreshing to see so many guys in the background of a girl group video. Turns out, they're all fug, though. FFS.


5. Dara looking like an escaped mental patient

No, I won't follow you to that abandoned warehouse.


6. Cheap set

How you gonna make a beach scene and not go to the beach? Lame. Maybe the producers could have dipped into their
$4 million gold spray paint budget to find some money to shoot on location instead.


7. Bom


I hate to bring up Bom's appearance, because she (and the rest of the group for that matter) gets so much hate for how she looks. Frankly, though, it's gotten to the point where it's hard to look at Bom. 

It's like a PSA for keeping yourself natural.


8. Awkward end shot


The music video ends with a shot of three of the group's members looking awkward as fuck. Maybe it's some sort of dating strategy. Everyone looks as weird as possible so CL looks fantastic by comparison, thus getting the fug boy of her choosing. Way to help a female out, girls.




Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 31

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To follow up with last week's STFU, I found the perfect country for all the fangirls to move to where their oppas will always perform at!





A sad and pathetic place - where kidnapping rates are the highest in the world, and their farmland is watered with the happy tears of fangirls.

And the misuse of the word "rape" is inconsiderately used 1000 times per minute.

... and where female idols are banned to travel to for fear of jealous fangirls killing them.

..... and where Se7en can get all the happy endings he wants.


If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to akf_shinbi, ask them at http://ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Thank you!

[MV Review] Girl's Day - Female President

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Super late, but here it is. Life and work got in the way. Only 2 weeks late. l0l




Girl's Day initially stirred up massive boners interest with their fapworthy teaser featuring shadow stripteases and a potential lesbian kiss between Hyeri and Minah, hype that was ultimately only partially lived up to.

First things first, the MV is a normal dance in a box concept. But this time, there's plenty of sexy posturing and closeups to make your genitals happy. You know shit's going to be good when your MV opens with the aforementioned shadow stripteases.

99% sure this particular shadow belongs to Sojin.
Unfortunately, that's pretty much all that this MV boils down to because... there's not much else there. I mean sure, closeups are great and all, but the dance isn't particularly inspired and the lesbian subplot we got teased with is only very minimally used. It's certainly no Abracadabra, especially when Hyeri looks like she's supposed to be masquerading as a man and not even particularly motivated to participate. I'm not too sure myself if it was intended for Hyeri to be a "boy" or just a really bishounen-like girl, but all we get from it is this near-kiss. Yep, the same one we saw in the teaser, so it's not even anything great.

I'm pretty sure that Minah's supposed to be the titular Female President, l0l
Like I said earlier, the whole thing is totally wasted on Hyeri. Poor girl is painfully straight, and Minah is all too eager to go in for the kiss. Just look at her, she's so into it like "GIMME DEM LIPS GIRL, DEMS THE LIPS OF A LADY." Fake or not, it's quite believable acting, but Hyeri's like "Pls don't kiss me for real, unnie." I'm sure this has provided more fuel for the rampant "Minah is gay" believers, but I digress.

What IS good about this particular MV is all the ass we get from Girl's Day. I know the easiest way for a girl group to explode into relevancy is to flash some leg and some boobs, but not often do we get girls bold enough for blatant ass-shots for the general internet populace to gif for all eternity. Not to objectify women and all that, but certainly not asses of this particular quality. Chief among Girl's Day, by no small editing error or shit like that, is resident fanservice mistress Yura. The girl is dripping with sex appeal in this MV, and while the more prudish jealous virgin people may take offence, we here at AKF can appreciate a fine derriere when it so graciously presents itself for our viewing pleasure.

Werk it.
Expensive cars and hot girls, the director clearly knows how to appeal to
the target demographic with this MV.
This one is the mother of all ass-shots. Bless you, Yurass.
Even the rest of the dance bits of the MV are designed for maximum ass exposure.

Yesssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
But like I said before, the rest of this dance is fairly boring. No flashy moves, no fancy transitions, not much in the way of technicality. If someone were to tell me that this dance was choreographed this way on purpose only to emphasize the ass through how thoroughly uninspired the rest of the dance bits NOT featuring any ass was, I'd believe them.

The outfits are pretty good, with the exception of the zebra stripe nonsense, that's not doing anyone any favors. Other than that, hair and makeup are definitely on point with no random shit or questionable fashionista garbage to pollute Girl's Day. The pink outfits are truly standout though, pretty much everyone looks amazing in those particular scenes.

I personally was surprised at how well Yura can rock the grey circle lenses. Not
many people can say that, unfortunately.
Wallpaper this shit.
I also want to point out that even kawaii aegyo machine Minah gets a sexy upgrade in this MV, showing some remarkable depth. 

Out of character, but oh so welcum.
Wallpaper this shit too.
You've probably noticed that the majority of this review is devoted to how great Girl's Day look, or how amazing it is to get so much fanservice. Sadly, the buck stops there as far as the MV goes. The song itself is really, really, really lackluster. I mean it starts off well enough, right up until 0:57ish in the song/MV. We get some solid build up, right up until Minah finishes her usual acrobatics and Yura dives into her rap/bridge/pain. I love the girl to death, but this song is not a good example of how fluff members should be incorporated into songs. It completely derails the nice momentum the song was building and goes nowhere with it, which pretty much sums up the whole song. A lot of buildup, swelling vocals, anticipation and... nothing. It just fizzes out with no real finish or satisfaction. 

I've been told that the lyrics have something to do with "Since we have a female president, girls be ambitious and fuck your man already, don't wait for him to make the first move." Or something like that. Not exactly a feminist anthem Susan B. Anthony would be proud of, and certainly nothing for crazy fangirls to be touting as part of the revolutionary set of girl group songs allegedly "empowering" women all over the world. But don't take my word for it.

TL;DR: Glorious ass everywhere, but the song is as much of a tease as the shadows featured in the MV. 

+:
  • ASS
  • Yura
  • Minah
  • everyone looks fantastic
  • 0:00 - 0:57
  • ASS
-:
  • cheap Abracadabra-esque cash-in is a cop out
  • Yura's "raps"
  • all build-up, no satisfying conclusion
  • wtf up with dem lyrics
I give this MV song a 2.75/5, but if we put the whole MV on mute and watch its visual splendor, it's easily at least a 4/5.

PS: PLEASE DON'T KILL ME, I WILL TRY TO STICK TO A PROPER WRITING SCHEDULE FROM NOW ON

Areum jumps ship

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After but a year, Areum's leaving the S.S. T-ara.


B-b-but I had just gotten used to you.


Apparently, the group didn't fit well enough with her hip-hop lifestyle, so she's striking out on her own. ;_;


Too much "hop," not enough "hip."


I actually liked Areum and the latest T-ara lineup. I found her to be non-threatening. And her departure leaves so many questions. What's going to happen to N4? Are they going to go down to N3 or will Soyeon (having paid penance for her sins by being in QBS) be able to move up? Will Areum merchandise be half-off now? Does Dani really have to join? I need answers.

Sigh. Now all we have left are the memories.


You will live on in our hearts, T-ara's Areum. And on YouTube.





[MV] BESTie (베스티) - Pitapat (두근두근)

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No - this is not an MV review. I stopped doing those a long time ago.

I just thought I would share this video that I found today while YouTube surfing. It apparently is a new girl group that made their debut yesterday.

It is a fairly forgettable and boring song with generic pretty girls that I personally can barely differentiate. Essentially, a basic, cookie-cutter Korean girl group music video.

Except the dance.

Something tells me that by looking at their choreography, they want something a little more than just a "K I S S".

I cannot wait to see what female netizens have to say about BESTie! This is the new butt dance. Step aside, KARA (just kidding, KARA. You have nothing to worry about).

At the end, I like how the directors chose Jo Kwon (2AM) to be the male hot for their attention. Like, really? Jo Kwon? Their chances of seducing him are pretty nil. If anything, he will be joining them with his butt shaking. I like how he tried a little pole dancing, too. Way to make your "ex"-wife Ga-In (Brown Eyed Girls) proud by following her lead.

I saw in LOEN Entertainment's description of this video that, "Will Simms and Tom Havelock who made 'I Got A Boy'(SNSD) produced the song." So, now you all have an idea how good this is.

Anyways, maybe I will add a little more to this post later. I just wanted to get it up at soon as I found it since I am sure many of our male readers would appreciate seeing this dance.

Release the butt .gifs!

~*~*~

I brushed over the comments quickly and noticed this one.

"T-ara".

lolwut

Let me introduce you to "너 때문에 미쳐 (I Go Crazy Because of You)", my friend.

[ANNOUNCEMENT] Antikpopfangirl Livestream

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Hello all. We interrupt your daily fangirl musings to bring you a special announcement.

I've been doing some thinking/brainstorming, and I thought it would be a nice idea to do a AKF livestream ((kinda like what Netizenbuzz has for her fans/readers)). It'll probably be only me until more authors get on board with the idea, and/or we figure out a way to do multiple webcams, but it would be a good opportunity for you all to interact with us.

This is your opportunity to ask us about anything you want, or to get a look at how we run things around here. If you're interested, I'm probably going to set this up for next Sunday evening (July 21st), perhaps at 5PM PST (subject to change).

HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE SO I'M NOT A LOSER STREAMING TO AN AUDIENCE OF LIKE 5 PEOPLE

Saturday Shitfest #6

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Stellar makes a comeback after a year. I thought they had already disbanded, but they're still sticking around. You see, back in 2011, before Stellar debuted, they were being hyped because they were debuting under Eric's company. I was watching Spy Myung Wol at the time and one of the Stellar members was also in the drama, and since Eric was the male lead in the drama, snippets of the MV were played over the span of the series. Naturally, after seeing the group so often through the drama, I was wondering how their debut would actually be. It would be an understatement to say I was disappointed; just listen to the shit for yourself. The chorus is the only enjoyable part of the song, but the rest is unbearable due to all of the God damn chipmunk singing.

Confirmation bias 101 for oxygen-wasting k-pop fandoms

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This is just a little unspectacular and fairly unexciting post that I wrote mainly for my own benefit, so I can link other people to it rather than having to type out how confirmation bias works again and again for dumb fucks.  Maybe you will also find it useful to link people to if you've got some dumb fuckin' friends on the Internet like I do (and you almost certainly do if you hang around with the average k-pop fan, let's be honest).  Or maybe you are a dumbass yourself and could use some education (don't be sad - we were all dumb once).  Either way I hope that this post is useful for you in some way.

I realise that for those of you with an actual brain this is pretty Captain Obvious stuff and actually a really boring topic, so I'll try not to make it too fucking dull for the people who would rather be reading about tits and ass by inserting some eye candy here and there.  For the rest of you, try not to get too distracted while you learn stuff.




A film that's worth your time generally speaking is "Pi - Faith In Chaos", the debut film by Darren Aforonsky who also did the brilliant "Requiem For A Dream".  The film "Pi" or "π" deals not with circles and diameters and shit but with a mathematician who is obsessed with the idea that the stock market isn't random or controlled by semi-predictable market forces but has a system to it which can be predicted mathematically completely in the abstract.  Presumably he wants to get rich with this incredible secret once he uncovers it, but oddly the "I'm a lazy bum plus a greedy cunt" angle is never fully extrapolated in the film which instead uses the initial idea as a jumping off point to explore the psychological aspects of obsession.  This particular fascination that the main character has with a 216-digit number which he believes holds the key to the stock market is obviously fuckin' stupid beyond belief, and in the following scene our protagonist talks to a much older and wiser mathematician who tries to drive into his thick skull this obvious truth, in the process explaining confirmation bias perfectly and saving me a ton of typing.



In other words, if you're looking for X, you'll find X, whether X truly exists in any significant way or not.



Of course, the above example of confirmation bias (by which I mean the video of the movie, not After School's pole dancing skills which are very real - and to think people say this group isn't "talented" tsk tsk) is fictional, so let's look at another example, this time from the real world.  The clip you're about to see is from the documentary "Metal: A Headbanger's Journey" and it's an excellent documentary which anyone with any interest in music should watch.  If you have no specific fondness for or interest in heavy metal you should especially make an effort to watch it, as the film is a highly entertaining beginner's guide which does well to bust many of the stereotypes about the genre, while never pandering to controversy nor brushing aside the style's uglier elements.  Those who are already metal fans on the other hand will enjoy the experience of watching their favourite music genre being taken seriously in the media for a change, but you probably won't learn much that you didn't already know.


Anyway, in the clip below, Dee Snider hands Tipper Gore's "Parents Music Resource Centre" (or PMRC, a censorship organisation at least as creepy and misguided as Korea's MOGEF) their own ass on a plate, exposing the confirmation bias at work beautifully.  I won't ruin it for you by telling you exactly what happens.


It's relevant because that's pretty much how all k-pop controversies, issues and theories work.  Netizens make up their mind "I want to believe X" and then they go hunting around for things which reinforce their belief in X while mentally discarding any information that conflicts with X.  Never mind what the truth is, or anything.   This goes for both antis and fans.  Often X is a theory heavily coloured by their own personal experiences - which is why bullying and sex are two recurring themes, as most netizens are young people who are either bullies or bullying victims, or both, plus incredibly sexually frustrated.  Combine this with study schedules, pressure to perform, frustration with having no control or power over their own lives and just being a little douchebag in general and it creates a powder-keg situation - it's easy to see why k-pop fans will believe any old bullshit that they read on the Internet as long as it already matches what they had set on in their minds anyway.  Hell, some of them even believe MY bullshit.


I'm sure that the girls in this blog's pictures will all thank you for remembering this information when their next controversy comes up before you start posting like a little bitch.

Also, I vote that T-ara, IU, Ivy, Nickhun, Rain and Se7en all get together and do a "We Are The World" style cover of this song.


That's all for now.  Thanks for reading... if you did actually do any.

Ailee & why singing is not really important in pop music

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It is generally heard -and written- in Kpop communities on the importance of talent, which is not a bad thing in itself, but the notion of what "talent" stands for tends to be narrowed down to two categories: either singing or dancing. While the first one is noticed by most human beings, the second one is often neglected to a "main dancer" label.




The problem with this conception of talent is that we are talking about a industry that revolves around entertaining and producing profit; so it's accepted -or it should be- that the "chosen ones" won't be the most talented but the ones who succeed at this two tasks.
In some cases both talent and this ability converge (BoA, BEG); in others, it doesn't (Hyori).



 There's also After School , whose attempts on bringing something different (pole dancing, tap dancing,etc.) won't stop people from writing "only Raina can sing tsk this sluts tsk tsk"  on every single post about them. On the other end of the spectrum lies Lee Hi, who possesses outstanding vocals and the charms of a boiled potato.

My apologies to all the boiled potatoesout there
So, has Ailee catched my eye? Has her singing turned me into a fan or at least a follower of her activities? Honestly, no. There's nothing i can take away from her MVs and peformances other than the fact that her company is really playing the "Korean Beyonce" card.
Maybe with time and the right management she will be able to fulfill the expectations people automatically set for her because, you know, if you can sing you are already good, right? (No).
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