Quantcast
Channel: Anti Kpop-Fangirl
Viewing all 1967 articles
Browse latest View live

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 32

$
0
0


*cough* 3/4s of SNSD's fandom *cough*

If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to akf_shinbi, ask them at http://ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Thank you!

8 Things I Love About 2ne1's "Falling in Love"

$
0
0




I fell in love.





Here are eight reasons why:

                                                                    1. Minzy





I know you're going to say. MINZY!?! Every 2NE1 song has Minzy in it. But wait, niggaz, there's more!

I find that this song is more Minzy centric than other songs. It begins with Minzy being the focal point/root of the song with Minzy on a golden chair drinking from a golden cup (hot pink wig on) singing to the camera with confidence and sexuality. She's multi-tasking sucking the shit out of her straw and singing at the same time --we all know the straw is a phallic symbol for our penis and clitoris. Minzy was surely moist doing this scene---I can tell by her dialated eyes. 

The first solo vocals goes to Minzy and let's be honest she's the best singer and dancer in the group--a great way to start a song. Her voice flows well, has power to it, and brings you into the song. At this point I'm enjoying the summer feel and I'm ready for a tequila + rum + coke.

Minzy is really talented and you can't deny that. Yeah she doesn't look like Nana, Raina, Hyori, those twin bitches from Crayon Pop, Yura, Jo Kwon, or Yuri, but let's be honest she's is pretty in her own way and her talent makes her admirable and an asset to the group. In fact we need a Minzy solo song for minzyfags  homos like me.                           

Also let's not forget this:

R U ready?? U Ain't ready...to fap.


Gaurantee one member of AKF will fap to this pic
2. FEET! :)

Seriously we get to see the bottom of CL's right foot. If that doesn't make you jerk off while your children are sleeping I don't know what will. DAT BIG TOE! Don't give a shit if sand gets stuck in my gullet, I want a taste of Korean Feet.

                                                            3. Dara's Ass

It really doesn't get much better than this kids. There hasn't been a day (NOT A DAY) when I haven't begged the kpop gods for a shot like this. That little ass needs to back the shit up to my penis RIGHT THE FUCK NAO. I would so ram that skeleton ass hard with my little KAIJU. This is better than the GsD Female President ass shot IMO. Reason!? It's Dara's ass being swayed my way--surely it smells like flowers and raindrops unlike the girls of GsD whose asses smell like truck driver breath.  What do you think she was thinking while filming this scene?  THANK GOD I USED OIL OF OLAY IN MY BUTTCRACK TODAY tee hee!!!!

4. Bommie fixed her face to be less offensive



Kawaii

Seems her plastic surgeon finally improved the puffiness to her face. Normally she looks half mongoloid half special Olympics, but not in this vid. At first I was like, "Da  fuck she do to her face!?" But after some consideration I kind of like what she did---nose repair & cheek puffiness gone! All is right in my world now.

But then again I come to this shot:

Da fuck her face looks shitty again! Gawd damn you stupid cockhole the only way you will ever look sexy is if someone chopped that head off. Fuck it. I'm still putting this as 4 but I don't even believe it as I'm writing it.

5. CL is sexy


Is this normal, women? Looks like she stuck a subway sandwich to her hip and left it there for such a long period of time that skin actually grew around it leaving what we see here. It's hot, though!

 6. Johnny Depp Reference

 I enjoyed the reference to one of my favorite actors. It's a part of the song where I originally said to myself: Did she just say Johnny Depp or is she just talking Korean shit which I don't understand that sounds like Johnny Depp---so confused.  Once I found out it was "Johnny Depp" she was uttering--it just made me fap to the song faster and harder. As much as I liked that part of the song and love Ed Wood (my personal fav Johnny Depp movie) I hate to tell CL but...we all know Johnny likes them...


YOUNG!!!!!!!  (TRUTH! No LIE!)

 
PICK YOU UP AT 6. DON'T TELL YOUR MOM.
7. Touch me over here, touch me over there

Actually looks her age in this shot. Actually dressed her in clothes that fit to her figure (if any).

Obviously she's referring to her:


  and:


Dara! I would love to, baby gurl. My number is 888-555-SFAG. Call me! I want to smell that crack hole right now. (PS that black chocolate booty is too much for AKF fishfags to handle--if this were in your face, you'd probably have a heart attack or your parents would disown you for being with a black girl.Which ever comes first). :)


8. Awkward end shot

 The music video ends with a shot of three of the group's members looking awkward as fuck. Maybe it's some sort of dating strategy. Everyone looks... fine as fuck. I really wish they would sit on my face and finger my butthole. How would I sex up all four. hmm!??!? I guess I can think of only one way.

1) Obviously I would lay Minzy on the floor and constantly lick her belly over and over again while....

2) CL's gives me oral sex (sexiest eyes in the groups means a sexy BJ). Nothing like a girl looking at you in the eyes while she's polishing your knob. Yeah would love to constantly lick Minzy's belly while getting my knob polished by CL while...

3) Dara's puts a strap on to my butt. She's the skinniest so it's PROBABLY going to hurt less...Less Mass=Less Force. It's just quantum mechanics, yo! Yeah would love to constantly lick Minzy's belly while getting my knob polished by CL while getting a strap on to my butt by Dara while...

4) Bom takes a squirt of jizz to her face (only way to improve it). Yeah would love to constantly lick Minzy's belly while getting my knob polished by CL while getting a strap on to my butt by Dara while Bom takes a squirt of jizz to the face.



THE END
 

Kangta Wants To Bang Victoria

$
0
0


Kangta is back at it again, discussing how Victoria is his ideal type. He veils his true reasons by stating obvious facts like that she's hot, but we know the real reason.

I personally think Victoria is the best looking idol in Korea. Is it because everyone thinks she resembles Han Ye Seul? Who knows?

Anyway, I know why you wanted to read this article. I haven't posted my masterpiece MS Paint pictures in a while.





It's not like I can blame him.

[MV Review] Rania - Up

$
0
0
This was actually released last week (I think), but I've only just now heard about it while scrounging around for something to write about. SO HERE'S A MUCH-DELAYED REVIEW~

Rania's latest single is a promo CF song for some resort in Korea, so my expectations going in weren't that high. Especially when they decided to release it for free as a gift to the fans. While the motion is appreciated, that doesn't bode too well for the song quality if the management didn't think it would be able to sell. In any case, the MV essentially boils down to just dancing and frolicking.  But then again, that's not necessarily a bad thing. You have to remember that this is a CF song for a resort. A water resort. Meaning swimwear. Meaning Rania in swimwear.

If I have to spell it out any more for you, this probably isn't the MV for you.
As such, the MV is understandably heavy on the fanservice and easy on the eyes. The dance, while uninspired and obviously just cobbled together to meet a sudden need for choreography, does have its moments. Unlike a certain other dance routine from a recently reviewed MV. 

Bring back the swaglean.
Told you it was pretty basic.
I will give them credit for this bit of twerkin' though. Not many girl groups can
attest to that kind of choreo.
No one's been this blatant in a while. At least the 94'ers are legal in Korea
now, or this woulda been bad. (Not.)
Whole-lotta ass but even I, a diehard Rania fan, will admit that there are not many buns there to admire. Unless I've been spoiled by the likes of Girl's Day and the Yurass, I'm sure most of you out there will agree. I do have to gripe about the mysterious lack of Di in the dance bits though. She's present for (many) of the jammin'/chillin'/frolickin' segments of the MV, but her face is always obscured by goddamn lens flare. I'm almost 80% sure she wasn't even present for the recording of some of the choreography for some as-of-yet unexplained reason, but surely DR Music doesn't expect us to buy this shit:

"Di" is the one in the purple bikini top and studded white shorts.
(4 if you're counting from left to right.)
COME ON MAN, THAT STUNT DOUBLE DOESN'T EVEN HAVE THE SAME HAIR COLOR. ARE YOU EVEN TRYING? EVEN CCM DID A BETTER JOB PASSING OFF THAT COW AS HYOMIN IN THE DAY BY DAY MV!! And just look at this blatant lens flare bullshit!!

OH PLEASE.
("Di" is on the far right. Duh.)
I may be biased and all, but just look at her! Jjangbak as fuck, how could you even try frontin' that shit with me the viewers?! Especially when she's resplendent in the parts of the choreo that DID make it into the MV.

HNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG
NAE MA EUUUUUUUUUUUUUUM
(Google translate tells me that's the romanization of 내 마음, or "MY HEAAAAAART")
Like I said earlier, the MV is pretty much just Rania dancing around a pool and clubbin' it up at this fancy resort. Lotta eyecandy, because the girls look fantastic. Like jjangbak as fuck. Standouts still remain Di and surprisingly Saem (she really broke out of her previous shell, so to speak). I would usually go with T-ae, but I'm not enjoying that dirty blonde dye job she's rocking at the moment. Oh random note, but apparently the resort features a "snow" zone too. One that just BEGGED for sexualized advertisement.

Like wat. Who would actually believe attractive girls in their sane, rational minds would
EVER go frolic in the snow dressed in sports bras? How did that ever get through??
Blatant fanservice aside, I have to say, this is a fairly good "feel-good" summer clubbin' jam. I mean sure, it's pretty basic and nowhere near the level of their real singles, but it's a pretty good fit for a randomly commissioned CF song for a summer resort. Pretty heavy on the autotune for my taste, but that IS the nature of these kinds of songs. I really enjoyed the first bridge, that shit sold me on this song. Not so much that shitty dubstep breakdown, but the choruses were serviceable and the hints of eurodance and Latin music influences were nice. Best part is, the lyrics don't pretend to be something they're not. This is all about dancing and partying and (possibly) sexing it up, and that's not a bad thing.

I'm sure many of you will question my ears, but I think it even holds up to the "mainstream" normal shit that the idolverse has been pumping out lately. Not that it says much to be better than say the 4Minute track, or the 2NE1 one (both of whose names escape me right now), but still. Pretty good for my favorite nugus.

TL;DR: Feel good viewing experience of girls in bikinis frolicking to a feel-good summer clubbin' jam.

+:

  • decent song
  • that bridge doe
  • interesting hints of eurodance/Latin flava
  • DI
  • Saem
  • everyone looks damn good
  • passable choreography
-:
  • T-ae's unfortunate hair color
  • wtf snowzone?
  • dubstep breakdown
  • a tad Engrishy
  • lack of Di in some parts 
  • LENS FLARE AIN'T FOOLIN NO ONE, DR MUSIC
I give this MV a 3.5 out of 5, with an extra 0.25 for the visual aspect. ;D

Guess Who?

$
0
0
I know who, do you?


You may or may not shit bricks once you find out.

SUPPORT FREEDOM - SUPPORT SULLI

$
0
0
I live in Australia, which is a country where we don't have many of those fancy "rights" things, like what some of you other swanky posh countries get.  Freedom of speech enshrined in the law?  Not fucking likely, cunt.  Right to bear arms?  You can't even carry around a gun that fires fucking vegetables.  And if they arrest you for carrying that super-deadly shit, you don't even have the right to remain silent, you filthy fucking criminal scum.  I'm jealous of you folks who live elsewhere and can just whip out the old "you're infringing on my legal rights" line when the shit goes down, that'd be some cool shit to be able to do around where I live.  Australians are pretty much lucky if we're not in jail 24/7.  Oh wait.

All of this harsh oppression that I experience daily (exacerbated by my heritage which is German and Chinese, two countries well versed at various periods in history with "shut up and lie in that ditch over there" so you can imagine what my upbringing was like) means that I sympathise heavily with anybody anywhere who flaunts their legal (or imagined) right to act like a complete cuntfaced bitch in public.  Latest exhibit: Sulli of f(x).

sull



Apparently she said "Cao Ni Ma" which means "fuck your mother" i.e "motherfucker" in Chinese, on some TV show nobody gives a shit about.  The official explanation is that she was repeating the word someone else said to her without her knowing what it meant, but given that Sulli has a track record of being called out for being a cuntfaced mole behind the scenes I don't buy that explanation.  I think she knew exactly what it meant and was getting to grips with the word so she could insult the other Chinese-speaking f(x) members next time they hogged all the good blankets in the dorms.

Now I know what you're thinking - "HOW DARE YOU BASH MY SULLI SHE IS THE GREATEST".  But if you are thinking this, well, this is where I'm going to turn the tables.  I'm not bashing Sulli, in fact I think what she did was fucking righteous and awesome, whether intentional or not.  I think that idiots who think idols are perfect angels with no flaws is part of the ongoing mental health issues plaguing k-pop fandoms and that idols should and in fact need to be overtly rude every so often to remind mentally ill fans that they are just human.  I'm fed up with all these nice groups who pretend to be cool with each other all the time when you know that at least 25% of them are a breath away from scratching each other's eyes out.



Watching any episode of Loen Entertainment's "Let's Dance" is always funny as fuck.  (I've just picked a random one here.)  I love it how when one member talks, all the others just smile and kind of nod half-heartedly in agreement as if to say "oh yes, that's such a good point" even when the person speaking is saying something really obvious-as-fuck.  The insincerity is so thick you could cut it with a knife.  You just know that they're all going to get crammed into a minibus and driven to six more schedules after this video shoot and then they'll go back to the dorms where they eat together at the one table and then sleep in shoebox-style accomodation so close together they can smell each other's body odours, while their hatreds of each other inevitably fester and their menstrual cycles gradually synchronise.  That's life on the production line and it's a wonder these groups last as long as they do.  How SNSD has survived since 2007 without a lineup change is anybody's guess.  My point being that I'm not saying Sulli specifically is a cuntfaced mole, I'm say ALL k-pop group members are cuntfaced moles by default because that's what the industry turns a person into - some are just better at hiding it, others are a bit more emotionally honest.  The ones who come off sweet and nice are either just really good at shrugging off the incredible amounts of fuckery the job brings with it, or have a really good emotional punching bag that you don't know about - either someone else in the group, or maybe a member of the support staff like a hairdresser or makeup person or something.  So in the context of all that, there's really no point getting all wound up about one member swearing on some fucking TV show.

Let's get back to the term "Cao Ni Ma" for a moment, which means "fuck your mother" or "motherfucker" (not "rape your mother" as some Korean netizens have melodramatically claimed in their childlike and transparent attempt to make Sulli look as dirty as possible).  Hey, look at these cute plush toys!

gmh

These cute little critters are replicas of wild animals that lives in China known as "grass mud horses".  They live mainly in North China's Mahler Gobi desert, however river crabs often invade their habitat and this is causing problems for their continued existence.  What the fuck has this got to do with anything, you ask?  Well, let's look at the pronunciation of "Grass Mud Horses" in Mandarin:

Grass Mud Horses = 草泥马 cǎo ní mǎ - sounds like - cào nǐ mā 肏你妈 =Fuck Your Mother

"Grass Mud Horses" has become a bit of an Internet meme in China, it's a way of saying "motherfucker" that circumnavigates and parodies China's Internet censorship.

The region of the Gobi Desert where the Grass Mud Horses are known to reside, is naturally known as the:

Grass Mud Horse Gobi Desert = 草泥马戈壁 cǎo ní mǎ gē bì - sounds like - cào nǐ mā ge bī 肏你妈个屄 = Fuck Your Mother's Cunt

The "river crab" that threatens the habitat of the Grass Mud Horse:

River Crab = 河蟹 héxiè - sounds like - héxié 和谐 = Harmony

Maintaining a "harmonious society" is a common justification by the Chinese authorities for their Internet censorship.  So the running joke on the Internet in China is that the "Grass Mud Horse" representing freedom from censorship is under threat from "River Crabs" - the Chinese authorities.  It's a way for Chinese to criticise the government openly in a way that the government can't do much about without looking ridiculous telling people to stop talking about horses and crabs.

So a bit of cào nǐ mā from Sulli is:

*  A refreshingly honest slip-up in the overly staid world of k-pop
*  A valuable tool to snap fans out of their delusions
*  Symbolic of standing up for freedom against oppression

Therefore, in the interests of making the world a fairer place where people globally can express themselves freely without fear of censorship or oppression from prying fangirls OR prying governments, I believe it's time that this meme spread to the rest of the world, and we make Sulli an ambassador for global free speech.  Maybe she can lead my country out of the darkness.  What do you think?

sullggg

 I think that would be nui bi 牛逼 - fucking awesome.

No More Celebrity Soldiers

$
0
0
This was coming a mile away ever since the beginning of the year when it was revealed Rain was banging Kim Tae Hee. There will no longer be a distinction between celebrity soldiers and normal soldiers, so these guys won't get 150 vacation days anymore, let alone state-sponsored trips to massage parlors.


While Rain doesn't give a shit since he won't have to deal with the consequences of being a normal soldier, he (and Se7en) ruined it for everyone else, especially all of the 1985ers that will have to enlist soon.

Song Joong Ki, 1985er who'll have to do active service soon
Determined to cut Rain's and Se7en's balls off now.
Park Ki Woong, another 1985er who had his hopes for celebrity service dashed.
Se7en doesn't give two shits.

Question of the Week 75

$
0
0
This week's question comes from Alba:
For which idol would you sacrifice your life for?

Thanks for your suggestion!

I would sacrifice my life for no idol because I don't care enough for any idol to literally risk my life for. And I am not a delusional fangirl who would do anything for an oppa or unnie. 

Hmm that sounded cruel.

I meant: I would not make a deal with the devil to exchange my life so that Davichi would live, for example. But, if I could maybe help an idol (or anyone for that matter) by saving their life at the cost of putting myself at risk, then I would certainly do it. Such as if person X was hanging off of a cliff and I could potentially grab their hand and lift them out. Or pushing them out of traffic. Or into it. Depending on who it was, really. 

If anyone has suggestions for future Question of the Weeks, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to akf_shinbi, ask them at http://ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Thank you!

Saturday Shitfest #7

$
0
0
By chance I just came upon this site....I find it's interesting to hear all this negativity and gay bashing coming from girls. I do expect it from boys because most men have problems about their own sexuality when confronted by a gay man. I don't use the word woman because a real woman would be more accepting. Maybe because I am a mother and grandmother I can get beyond the petty jealousy of people that have no game. It is hard to be accepting when you really can't write or have any talent. As for Kwon Ji-Yong the boy is talented and at 24 years old he is quite accomplished. As for his sexual preference who cares. Let me just say that because of K-pop and Korean dramas I am learning to speak, write and read Korean at 77 years old. It is a beautiful and passionate language. Thanks for listening.
As you know by now, you can't post on any articles that are more than 90 days old. I did that to prevent the onslaught of delusional fangirls spamming the comments section in old articles. Plus, it's much easier to gather funny shit fangirls say. Anyway, this shit is way too funny, and I wouldn't even know where to start dissecting this awful comment.

Also, remember that Zaku will be live streaming tonight at 5 PM PST (-7 GMT). The link to the livestream is http://www.justin.tv/zaku_bot1.





Since f(x) is coming back later this month, enjoy Chocolate Love. No sulli_fag, Chocolate Love doesn't refer to Sulli's asshole lol.

AKF Livestream

Suzy Participates In Painal Sex on Running Man

$
0
0


As usual, thanks to klogg @ fiddle.se for capturing this moment. I would say that JYP should have loosened her anus up by now, but we know that JYP is a gorilla. According to wikipedia, gorillas aren't packing.

For example, an adult gorilla's erect penis is about 4 cm (1.5 in) in length; an adult chimpanzee, significantly smaller (in body size) than a gorilla, has a penis size about double that of the gorilla. In comparison, the human penis is larger than that of any other primate, both in proportion to body size and in absolute terms.[30]


There, no one can ever claim that you have never learned anything while browsing AKF. Now you know that while a gorilla can beat the living shit out of you, you have a bigger dick than he does. You know, unless you have a micropenis(wiki article, not an actual pic. Don't worry, I'm not that mean.).

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 33

$
0
0
This week's submission comes from RealJW:



Thank you for sharing this!

Eh. What can I say. To be expected from a S<3ne. Or any SM-shipper.

If anyone has submissions for future Stupid Things Fangirls Utter, please send them to zomg.oppa.sareanghae@gmail.com, tweet them to akf_shinbi, ask them at http://ask.fm/akfshinbi, or leave them in the comment section below. Thank you!

Goodbye Supreme Team ;.;

$
0
0


Saw the unfortunate news on Nate, and well, God damn it.

Stupid Things Fangirls Utter 34

$
0
0
This week's submission comes from me, because. I pushed back all of ShinBot's scheduled articles for this one because I just had to get this out there ASAP. ((Hope you don't mind, l0l j/k as if I kara))


IU is such a conniving bitch, I had no idea until I saw these enlightening words. Thank you fapfapmelody, God bless you and your investigative prowess.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

No but really, how sick in the head do you have to be to even think that this is a plausible explanation for what happened.

Look at the fear in those eyes, clearly that is the emotional scarring brought on by
the raping IU gave him.
Please people, I can't take you seriously when you condemn rape jokes with one hand but toss out rape accusations like hotcakes with the other. The same one you use to fap with, I bet.

Dear KDrama Fans, Fuck Your Socialism

$
0
0


On the 23rd in Korea, Korean drama producer Kim Jong Hak was found dead. He hadn't paid all of the debt that he owed, so he committed suicide, though it is unconfirmed at this point. Kim Jong-hak's death points out one of the many inherent flaws in the Korean drama system, but many people are quick to point the blame at the wrong people.

Like in the screen-capped comment and the reaction in this Netizen Buzz article, fans are so easy to blame actors and actresses as the reason as to why staffs and actors/actresses go unpaid. The common reasoning from such fans is that "Well, herp-dee-derp, if they didn't make so much money, there wouldn't be a problem with paying everyone else," while ignoring the fact that the actors/actresses haven't been paid either. So their salary is irrelevant if no one is getting paid.

I'll be referring to this asininely long-ass post from a guy who jacks off to word count and number of times he has to consult a thesaurus while writing each post. The fucking thing is ten times the length it should be, so I'll quote the highlights.

As you can infer from the post, it's the broadcast companies at fault. They hire third parties to produce dramas; however, these third parties lack the means to actually produce anything. The budget for each episode isn't that high. The broadcast companies only pay a certain amount to these production companies, leaving the production companies up to the task of funding the rest of the episode. It is this point right here that needs to be fixed: the broadcast companies continually outsource dramas to companies that can't afford to produce anything.

For example, 2012's hit drama My Daughter Seo Young had trouble paying the actors and staff despite 30% ratings (and eventually 50+% ratings). This production company was fucked from the beginning despite MDSY bringing in all of that advertisement revenue. If a successful series has trouble paying its staff and actors, the problem lies with the broadcasting companies and production companies. It starts at the very top, not with actors/actresses.

Now, the common "solution" pitched by fans/netizens/socialist fucks is that the actors/actresses make too much money.

Now let's look at the scenario painted by Vault of Doom:

So let’s imagine that you start with 120 million won per episode, plus another 30 of initial PPL and OST revenue. Of those 150 million, you spend a good 30 (at least) on your writer, 50 on the major Hallyu star you needed to cast in order to get a timeslot on network TV, and a total of 30 million for the remaining three pieces of your leading quartet. That’s 110 million just to cast four people and get someone to write your show.
In his opinion (and the opinion of others), it is the fault of the Hallyu star and the writer that the production company cannot afford to pay anyone. In his suggestion to change the industry, he gives a ludicrous pitch.

I would establish a salary cap that works for real, and not the silly regulation the big three decided upon a few years ago – with all the perks that Hallyu stars got, practically rendering such regulations futile from day one. No more than 10 million won per leading star, and no more than a cumulative 100 million won per episode spent on the cast. 
Here, he shows his true colors: "I'm a socialist fuck envious of how much money Hallyu stars make and I want to punish them for their success." This is not unlike how the liberals and socialists paint rich people as Satan for making so much more money than everyone else. Well, guess what? THAT'S HOW CAPITALISM WORKS, YOU SOCIALIST FUCKS.

In order to get the audience to watch a show, you need stars that people recognize and adore and a writer who has written successful projects. They get paid more because they bring more to the table. You can always replace a makeup artist, but you cannot replace a Hallyu star with some unknown rookie actor and hope to bring in the same ratings. The Hallyu stars and writers bring an inherent value that these broadcast companies are willing to pay in order to attract investors and an audience. In compensation for these broadcasting companies using their names to get people to watch the drama in the first place, they get compensated more.

"But..but...it's not fair. The Hallyu stars make so much and the supporting actors and staff make so little. Everyone should be paid the same."

Welcome to life, mother fuckers. In capitalism, there's always going to be inequality in how much people make. Those with more value get paid more. Those who are easily replaced get paid less. That's how the market works.

"But they should still be paid the same."

What you're suggesting is for everyone to suffer equally rather than to prosper unequally. Vault of Doom capped the salary of the major Hallyu star at $10,000; however, that is the maximum. Realistically, under his system, the Hallyu stars would get paid less, but everyone else would be paid less. The only reason the budgets are this high in the first place is due to broadcast companies wanting to use high profile Hallyu stars. It is very naive to believe that the budgets would remain the same with everyone making a lower salary. So yes, the Hallyu stars make less, but because of the budget cuts, so does everyone else.

You wanted equality? There, you get it with everyone suffering equally with shitty pay. If you are truly for the interest of everyone, instead of demanding the Hallyu stars get paid less, demand that the broadcast companies increase the budgets so that the staff and supporting actors get paid more.

A great example of this is the Detroit Tigers. Back in 2003, with a budget of 5 dollars (exaggeration, but they were extremely low budget back then), the Tigers set an AL record of 119 losses. This was because the owner kept on scaling back on the team's budget for about a decade straight in order to pay for the new stadium. In the early 90s, the Tigers were a good team and contended for the AL East title every year. However, they traded all of their good players away and just replaced them with scrubs from their Triple A affiliate.

The scrubs replaced the good players because they were worth less money. If you reduced the amount of money Hallyu stars made, they wouldn't even do dramas anymore, opting to do movies full time. Without paying top dollar for stars, you end up with a nobody. However, the nobody isn't good at their job compared to the star. Replace four stars with four scrubs and the quality goes down. Just like how fans won't travel to the stadium to watch the game since their favorite team is now laden with scrubs, people won't tune in to the station to watch a drama full of scrubs.

However, starting in 2004, the Tigers started investing heavily in getting stars to come to Detroit (even though the city is the definition of 'shithole'). They paid the stars more than any other team would. With more stars coming to Detroit, the team got better. With the team being better, fans weren't ashamed of liking the team anymore and tuned in to watch the games on TV and go to the stadium to see them live. Since 2006, the Tigers have been to the World Series twice. They did this by buying the best players they could and drafting well. They would use their draft picks to trade for the best players they could get. This has allowed them to compete with the other teams. With the increased spending, they were able to get more revenue.

Just like in Korean dramas, if you bring in more Hallyu stars and a prolific writer, yes, you will be spending more, but you are also expecting a bigger return because of the increased interest in the drama.

You socialist douches want to capitalize on the brand power of these stars without paying them. Sorry, but that shit only flies in your fictitious utopia. In the real world, people are compensated to the value that they bring to the project/firm/company/etc. You can choose to demand that everyone suffers equally or that everyone prospers unequally.



Queen of Twerk

$
0
0
After fruitless years of searching for a KPop idol who knows how to twerk it, after making countless gifs of bootyshaking that only pale next to the real deal, I have finally found the Holy Grail.

While Miss A's Min doesn't exactly get off to a good start, she eventually warms up and makes the ratchet broads in Diplo's Express Yourself MV proud. ((That happens to be the song she's twerkin' to in the background, for those of you who are curious.))


DAMN GIRL, GET IT
Some say this is revenge for the haters calling her performance on AKP (All the KPop, not Allkpop)'s Summer Special lackluster (it was). Some say might even say she's finally cracked under the strain of being stuck in nugudom while Fei and Suzy laugh their way to the bank.  

I say, "Well done, madam. Well fucking done." 

Today's News in 5 Minutes #4

$
0
0


BAP to debut in Japan with Warrior. At least they won't be promoting in Korea for once. I don't follow BAP at all, but it seems as if the longest break they've taken has been one month. It's ridiculous how much these guys promote. Okay, fifteen promotion cycles later and you still haven't gained that many new fans. We get it. Take a break for six months or some shit.

 




After Wolf, I was hoping EXO would disband. If I was a member of EXO and saw the monstrosity of the MV, I would have asked SM to kick me out. There would be no way that I could live myself releasing a song so shitty. You know what sounds more fun than being a member of EXO? Having a chick giving you a blowjob. She then proceeds to lick the head of your dick and puts her tongue in your urethra. Then her fucking tongue extends all of the way through your urethra and into your balls. After that, her tongue turns into a titanium ball and spikes protrude out from every direction, ripping your balls and dick from the inside out. Yes, I would rather have that happen to me than to be a member of EXO.



Last night when the teaser came out, I saw people on twitter proclaiming this song to be song of the year material. One, it's a teaser, and two, I only heard like five seconds of an actual song. Way to overreact, BEG fans. Anyway, seeing how Recipe was pretty awesome, I am looking forward to BEG's new song despite not liking a BEG song since Sign, though I have enjoyed their solo pursuits.

Saturday Shitfest #8

$
0
0


Yeah yeah, this could be an article for STFU. However, I don't wish to give mentally retarded EXO fans that much spotlight.



If making shit up is enough qualification to become a detective, shouldn't I be part of the NSA, spying on everyone and shit? Fans like these remind me of every single English teacher I have ever had. They look too far between the words and try to derive meaning that wasn't there in the first place. I hate it when people try to derive hidden meanings from art forms such as literature and music. No, you interpret it that way because you want to see it that way and then try to convince others what you see is the real meaning to the work when no such meaning was intended in the first place.



Big thanks to comekpop for the gif.

My feels for how good that Sulli gif is.

Does your bias use Autotune: or - does a bear shit in the woods?

$
0
0
There's a lot on the Internet written about Autotune* and its effects on pop music.  Pity almost none of it is factual or even makes any sense.  I thought it would be interesting as both a kpop fan and a qualified audio engineer to weigh in on the topic of Autotune for the benefit of you folks reading, because if there's any group of people out there who don't understand jack shit about Autotune, it's k-pop fans.  I'm sorry for all of you who come here for the pictures of boobs but this is going to be one of those boring educational posts where you probably don't need your screen cleaner and wet wipes for a change but you actually might learn some shit.

jiyeon-thats-interesting-do-tell-me-more


For both of you still reading, if nothing else, you probably know these two things about Autotune:

1. Autotune is that robot voice thing that works by moving a sung note to the nearest correct note

2. Cher's "Believe" was the first popular song with Autotune in it.

Of course, you'd be only partially correct with the first point, and completely wrong with the second (yes, the Wiki is wrong).

Let's tackle the first point first.  Autotune does indeed move your sung note to the nearest correct note.  However, what can be varied by the music engineer is the speed and precision of this movement.  The "robot sound" that we all associate with Autotune is what we hear when this process happens immediately and the sung note is instantly moved to exactly the correct pitch, this setting is called "zero retune speed" (retune speed being the delay that occurs between the singer hitting the shit note and the program dragging it out of the toilet and into the vicinity of where it should be).  However, you don't have to set that dial to zero, and if you were trying to cover up a shit vocal performance, why would you?  If you had an absolutely fucking crap singer on your hands like [insert your bias here], it would make more sense to be more subtle.  If you want to fool someone into thinking [insert your bias here] is a great singer, well, if they hear that "robot voice", they'll know the jig is up, right?  Better for them to think that they're hearing something "natural", and if you're trying to get it to sound "fixed but natural", too much perfection is a bad thing because it betrays the machine at work.  So with Autotune, you can direct the program along the lines of "with an attack time of 150ms move the incorrect note 90% closer to the original pitch with a simulated vibrato variance of 3% at the attack of the note and 5% once the input level drops below a -5dB threshold".  All of a sudden, [insert your bias here] can "actually sing, like, for realz, yo, omg, like, no Autotune or anything, they must be like, SOOOO TALENTED".  Don't believe that Autotune can work like this?  Check out the official page for Antares' Autotune which breaks down the key features in their latest version of the software.  (There's also plenty of YouTube Autotune tutorials that demonstrate various facets of this but I won'tlinkanybecausethatwouldbefuckingboring.)  Bottom line - you don't spend precious software development time improving on features like a "humanize function" and "realtime natural vibrato adjustment" if nobody is using them.


So, why do we still hear the robot voice?  It's an aesthetic choice.  Someone thought it sounded "cool" to do that.  It's no different to a guitarist stepping on a phaser pedal because they think it "sounds cool".  You may or may not like the sound of a phaser pedal on a guitar just like you may or may not like the sound of Autotune's zero retune speed digital snap, but if you're hearing that noise, it's because the producer wanted you to hear it.  It's when you DON'T hear Autotune that you should be more worried about Autotune being used specifically to cover up shitty out-of-tune vocals.  This segues nicely into our second point, which is that Cher's recording engineers weren't the first people to use Autotune to fix up some bum notes, but they were the first to set the retune dial to zero (probably by accident while trying to fix some of Cher's notoriously limp singing) and go "hey, we actually LIKE the sound of that, let's put it in the final mix that way".  Then they lied about what effect they were using in the hope that their use of the pitch-corrector would remain a music industry trade secret.  Why would they lie?  Because they were likely using more subtle edits with Autotune to fix shitty vocalists' bum notes probably for a long time before they worked with Cher, and didn't want music fans to know that they could do that.  So what WAS the first recording to use Autotune?  We'll never know, and that's exactly my point.

Autotune is like Photoshop's image-editing facilities, but for the voice.  It's similar in three key ways:

1.  It "fixes" shit.

2.  It's in everything new and I mean EVERYTHING.

3.  Sometimes it's deliberately obvious, sometimes it's accidentally obvious, but when a really skilled practicioner is using Autotune or something like it to hide something, even an expert can't tell.

Watch the following video, and then listen to some of your favourite k-pop songs again.



Someone who only associates Autotune with the robotic-sounding "zero retune speed" setting could be forgiven for thinking that Autotune has somewhat fallen out of vogue in k-pop in recent years, because there are less new releases that feature its signature mechanical tone-snapping oscillations.  This would be incorrect: only "zero retune speed Autotune robot sass" has fallen out of vogue - Autotune as a subtle pitch-corrector that fixes fuckups and makes your bias sound like they know what they're doing when they really don't is now more prevalent than ever before.  Professional photographers working with models will routinely run ALL their images through Photoshop and make adjustments, it's become a standard tool of the trade, and the same applies to Autotune and the music business now.  Every vocal track by every artist with any kind of budget behind them is run through the magic fix-it box.  Only independent artists, artists with a bee up their ass about Autotune (plus the power to make the engineers listen) or artists working in styles where precise vocal pitching isn't required (rap, punk, death metal) wouldn't use it (although even in these fields some of them do anyway).  Combine this with k-pop's obsession with making as "perfect" a product as possible and it's pretty safe to say that there isn't a single k-pop album in your collection that doesn't have Autotune smothered all over it like k-netizen's cum over a computer monitor showing Dal Shabet's "Be Ambitious" MV.  Artists in the pop field generally won't say no to a bit of subtle non-detectable Autotune on their voice for the same reason that models won't object to a Photoshopper making them look just that little bit skinnier and more toned.

Oh, and because the effects can be made to work in real time audio engineers can trigger them in live performances too.  Without you even fucking knowing.  So you can bash all those "idol vocals" threads on Allkpop and Onehallyu forums straight up your ass, because none of that shit really matters a goddamn.

aileeqei copy

Another thing to remember is that before Autotune there was a thing called the Vocoder which has been around since the 1970s, also pitch-corrects vocals and sounds exactly the same as Autotune's "robot voice" if used in the same way.  A Vocoder works slightly differently however, rather than adjusting your pitch in real-time to a pitch assigned by the software itself, it adjusts your pitch in real-time to a pitch assigned by another musical instrument (usually a keyboard).  This allows a singer to be able to sing ANY note on a keyboard, even notes outside of their vocal range, and even chords.  And it sounds just as robotic-as-fuck as Autotune does, so it's easy for the untrained ear to confuse the two.  Vocoder is what Kraftwerk, Daft Punk, and J-poppers Perfume use in all their shit, but if you want a k-pop example, here you go:


Programming all those vocal slides and chords would be a pain in the ass with Autotune (but not impossible) however very easy with Vocoder - you just get a keyboardist to plug in and play that stuff and sync the vocals to it - it would take as long to do as the song takes to listen to.

Points to take away from this post:

*  4Minute's "What's Your Name?" isn't a shit song because it has Autotune.  It's a shit song because Brave Brothers thought that getting Hyuna's "Ice Cream" and stripping away all the melody and everything else that made that song decent and replacing it all with computer fart noises was a good idea.  That's a separate issue to Autotune because you can actually get all those exact same noises with a Vocoder if you wanted.

*  If your bias is on the commercial end of k-pop in 2013, your bias uses Autotune, or something like it.  Period.  No ifs, ands, or buts.

*  People in the industry laugh at what fans and singers alike think they know about vocal production/staging.

But Autotune isn't quite perfect yet.  It still can't fix up Bom.


Maybe in 20 years or so technology will have advanced and we'll get computer software that can make Bom's voice good enough to the point where she doesn't have to blow out an entire GD&TOP studio session.  We'll probably have a fix for global warming, overpopulation and the bees-mysteriously-dying-out thing by then, too.

 *  When I say "Autotune" you can assume that by this I mean "Autotune plus other pitch-correcting software that also acts like Autotune".  I know that if I don't put this disclaimer here some smartass cunt will go "but what about [pitch corrector x nobody has heard of]" or some shit.  Ignore what the guy says in the WavesTune video above about their program being "special", It's really all the same shit and it all does the same job.

KPOPALYPSE LIVE STREAM

$
0
0
ATTENTION BOYS (and girls)
 

KPOPALYPSE LIVE STREAM is happening soon!


I will be streaming live on Sunday 11th August 9:30 AM my time which is GMT+9:30 (Adelaide, Australia).  This is equivalent to 5:00 PM Saturday 10th August for Americans on PST.  In other words, the same timeslot as AKFG Zaku's stream last week.  If enough people declare their interest in this thread I will stream again exactly 12 hours later for the benefit of Europeans who get fucked up the ass by the 5PM PST timeslot, so let me know if that's something you'd like (the extra stream, that is, not getting fucked up the ass, which is your own business that I don't really care about, although if you feel you must tell me about that too, go right ahead).

The link: www.justin.tv/kpopalypse

For those who saw Zaku's stream, my stream won't be quite as fancy as his - I'm not going to give a feed of my computer screen, there's really no point as I've got nothing much to show you on there anyway besides lots of porn which I'll just get kicked off justin.tv for.  It'll just be me on a webcam answering your questions and maybe getting a guitar out or something if that becomes relevant.

Why am I doing this?

Partly for fun, and because I want to... but mainly because the reaction to my more technical music/audio/industry blogs on Anti Kpop-Fangirl has made me think that some of you might appreciate the opportunity to ask technical or music-industry specific questions live in a streaming format.  I'm a k-pop radio DJ, a music teacher, an audio engineer, a radio station administrator and have been a member of various touring bands over the years, so I have a lot of useless knowledge, but you don't have to go down that path, you can ask what I think of Raina's boobs instead if you want, I really don't care.  But I've giving you all two weeks before the stream so you have plenty of time to come up with good questions.  The only questions I won't answer are clearly too-personal stuff or anything that is obviously just a stupid bitch question.

Things:

* The stream will happen regardless of how many people tune in.

* The stream will go on for as long as I feel like it.

* Almost no subject is taboo, and you will quickly learn that I have no shame.  Keep in mind some of the shit I say might get a little NSFW so don't log into the stream anywhere that might be embarrassing for you, like at the dinner table with your parents, etc.

* I'm male, 39 and not as pretty as the other authors of AKFG.  Sorry about that.  Don't worry though, I promise I won't do a Jiyeon on you.

See you there!

Viewing all 1967 articles
Browse latest View live


<script src="https://jsc.adskeeper.com/r/s/rssing.com.1596347.js" async> </script>